first dr. visit.
everything went well…
very well.
madeline is continuing to grow.
4 lbs, 11 oz.
seriously…
4 lbs, 11 oz.
that’s 5 oz since monday night.
and almost a pound
since she was born.
she also grew length-wise.
17 3/4 inches.
(1/2 inch since birth).
amazing.
somehow i’ve haven’t broken her
or screwed anything up.
(yet).
we go back again in 2 weeks.
by then madeline should be 30-40 lbs.
and 3 feet tall.
she can take another
10 ml per feeding.
and i can take her on a walk in her stroller
(we’ll do that in the morning).
everything is good.
though i’m still making everyone cry.
the dr. cried with me during the entire visit.
(she started it).
but i’m really sick of crying.
(and i feel bad that i ruin everyone’s day).
but people are really nice.
getting lots of notes from strangers.
and friends
and family.
i’ll be responding to everyone someday…
someday soon.
thanks for giving a shit.
15 Comments
Matt, I saw your note over at the Cribsheet blog. I’m so sorry about your loss. It’s hard enough being a parent of a newborn. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you to experience the biggest joys and heartbreak in your life simultaneously. I can already tell you are a great Dad and I’m sure Liz is very proud of you right now.
I also came over from Cribsheet. Your daughter is absolutely beautiful, as are the pictures of your wife. I hope you keep writing, both as a way to keep up with people and to keep track of the day to day things so you can look back on them someday, but also because I think your writing is extremely honest and straightforward.
that baby is the most perfect, stunningly beautiful baby I have ever seen ( and I have 4 of my own!!!) My heart is aching for you, but you are a strong amazing man and Maddy is a very lucky little girl. I will be thinking of you often
Matthew, my deepest apologies to you and Liz… words simply cannot explain.
Such a gorgeous little addition to the family in little miss Maddy, yet somehow I find through the tears reading each entry, I know that you are surrounded by so much love and support by so many near and far, and Liz is absolutetly enveloping her and you in everything you do with her grace and poise. She was a blessing to us all…truly from the moment she walked into each of our lives.
If ever I believed in love, it was the two of you…so it pains me to know what you are going through at a time such as this, but such is true, I have always known you to be such a very strong man, and such a wonderful family, so lean as much as you need, friends alike…friends are forever. Sending all my love,
Always,
Andrea Brovold
Dear Matt
May you find continued support and comfort in the arms of your wonderful family and friends.
May you find joy and hope when you look upon the sweet sweet face of Maddy.
May you gain strength from the sun – so like the glow of Lizzie’s smile, the brightness of her soul, and the warmth of her love.
May God bless you and keep you; May He shine His light down upon you.
Uncle Brian (and Aunt Meri)
Hi Matt:
Don’t know if you remember me or not, I’m Heather and Josh’s half sister and we met at Thanksgiving at your Mom’s house. I am heartbroken to hear of your loss, but it also makes me smile and cry every day to read your stories and see pictures of your beautiful Madeline! I know you are a great dad and a great man and it sounds like you are doing an incredible job of keeping things rolling. Madeline is beautiful and I appreciate you sharing your pictures and story with the world. Maddy is growing so fast! Enjoy all the moments cuz before you know it she will be all grown up. Children are such a blessing, and it sounds like you are the bestest dad little Maddie could have picked! I look forward to your continued story. Mark and I are off to Peru and going to Machu Picchu early next month. I will think of you and Liz while we were there. Thanks for sharing all your Peru pics with me at Thanksgiving : ) Take good care! Hugs and Prayers, Barb
Hi Matt –
I am a fellow cribsheeter. I came across your post yesterday and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you and your family since. I just became a new parent in Dec and I can’t fathom what you are going through. I have read through the comments from your friends, family and complete strangers and am overwhelmed by the things people have to say about your Liz. It is obvious she was an incredibly beautiful person – inside and out. Through the tears your candid writing made me laugh and smile – I am not sure how you are able to do that! You are amazingly strong and Maddy is so lucky to have you as her father. I know Liz is watching and is so proud of you. Please know that I am praying for you and look forward to reading your blog entries to find out what you and Maddy are up to that day. So glad that her first doctor visit went so well. You made a comment today that you feel bad that you ruin people’s days – I just don’t think that is true and hopefully you don’t really think that. I think you give people hope and remind them that they need to cherish every moment they have on this Earth.
May God continue to bless you and give you strength. Thank you for sharing your story.
Jen, Rob and Zoe Hendrickson – Minneapolis, MN
Matt
When our Madeline was born, my dad’s sister (Auntie Donna) made a comment which was profound and full of wisdom. I now share it with you:
You are the best dad for Maddy.
Much love and thoughts
cousin Barb Ruff
Hi Matt. You don’t know me but I work in the same firm as your mother-in-law Candee. You are such a strong man and the way you blog about your daughter shows what a great dad you are going to be, and already are. It’s obvious you loved Liz and you love Madeline. I feel sorry for the guy who ever tries to date her because he will have to get through you first! lol My immediate co-workers and I are so terribly sorry for your loss but I believe out of sorrow can come much joy if we allow it. You have the best gift your wife could ever have left you in your daughter. You two will have to take care of each other. Take it one day at a time, ride out the bad days and embrace the good ones – and there will be many of those to come! God bless you both!!
Hello Matt. I’m a CSB ’00 grad. I Just received an email about your both terrible and exciting news. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of Liz. I cannot even imagine how very difficult it must be for you. Reading through your blog you have me crying (a lot), laughing, smiling, and oohing- a lot (at beautiful Madeline!!). You are a fantastic father to Madeline and she is so lucky to have you! As a mother of a 19 month old, I have good news… you actually forget about how annoying those sleepless nights are! Babies change so fast and we forget how very tiny they once were. Your awesome photography of life and Madeline will be treasured when you look back. Gods Blessings to you and your family.
Matt,
A lot of people out here really care about you. Your doing a great job! Keep pressing forward, even on the days when your heart is hurting so bad. God will give you the strength to keep going, just as long as you keep praying and asking Him for it:-) You are thought about so much and you will make it through. You got to take it one step at a time Matt. If you have a Bible look up Proverbs 3:5-6 I hope this will be a help and encouragment to you as it has been to me.
Yes I am another stranger that is touched by your family’s story! I don’t know how I a found your blog but I have become addicted to it. And this entry stood out to me because I just though about how much more I appreciate my day to day from reading your blog. I have been going through entries for about a week now and everyday I have teared up and when I realized how and why and when Liz died i bawled but then I got up, I washed my face and held my 2 boys for the rest of the day. I became the Mom that I have always thought I was and the Mom my little ones deserve. So don’t by any means think you ruin any ones day because if they truly care they will learn from what you two do, and what Liz didn’t get the chance to do.
I saw your story on AOL and cannot stop feeeeeeeling all of this. I had to start your blog from the beginning and will read the entire thing (im sure this weekend). I also added you on Flickr to enjoy your snaps and watch maddy grow. What an amazing story of life, love and loss. I have no doubt this blog, and the support/outreach you recieve from the universe will have a great impact on maddy. Maddy has one hell of a dad.
I saw your story on oprah winfrey and cant fathom the thought of losing your wife right after the birth of your newborn. But your baby girl is gorgeous and definately looks like her mom and will carry on her legacy. I am a single mom of a 15 1/2 year old daughter and had some problems with her not making it, but she fought and is now a thriving young lady. I tip my hat to you and all you do for your daughter and what you do to carry on your wifes legacy. This is the first time I visit this site since I saw the show that aired on Oprah. I will keep you and you bundle of joy in my prayers. Keep writing we love to hear about you and your sweetheart daughter.
Dear Matt,ive just seen you and your beautiful daughter on oprah and your story has me in tears,i can’t imagine all the emotions you have been through since having Maddy and my heart goes out to you.Liz would be so very proud of you as you are doing an amazing job raising Maddy.You have touched my heart and made me gratefull for my beautiful family.I wish you lots of love and Maddy has a dad to be proud of too x x
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