sunday.
it was hot today.
(well over 90 degrees).
it’s funny.
just last week,
we were concerned about
keeping the house warm enough
for madeline.
now
we have to find a way to keep
it cool.
my dad put together
the dresser i bought
yesterday.
auntie deb went back
to the sf.
anya and her mom
visited
and did all the work
i’m incapable of doing.
(organizing and putting away madeline’s clothes).
thanks so much.
we took madeline on
another stroller ride.
(she slept).
returned to find a couple
of vagrants on my porch.
(not real vagrants, but some friends).
they brought over
a ton of food.
peter brought
some gifts made by his mom.
amy brought me
perspective
and hope.
we visited for awhile.
they left.
another yahoo! visitor stopped by.
we had a nice talk.
another video-conferenced
feeding of madeline
(this time with aj and sonja.
two of liz’s closest
confidants
(the ladies from blush)
gave me a call.
they always make me feel better.
and they’re coming by
this weekend
to see maddy
and to give me a haircut
so i look respectable
(for liz’s memorial service)
in the mpls.
rhonda came by
for the 11:00 feeding.
madeline is still happy.
and healthy.
(and hopefully sleepy like her dad).
(and yes, i am indeed wearing the same shirt i wore yesterday).
i write
with less than 30 mins
until she eats again.
i should really sleep
(someday).
Categories: madeline
Matt,
I read your story on the Twin Cities Cribsheet blog. I have thought about your family many times since I read your entry. Please know that you are in my thoughts. You have a beautiful daughter!
Aaah the joys of preemies! I had a couple of 4 lb-ers just about a year ago. I think I wore the same shirt for almost a week once. The growth rate of the first few months is simply astounding.
I’ve been checking your blog frequently, and you and Maddy have been in my thoughts.
-Jennifer
Minneapolis
Hi Matt,
My daughter was a preemie too. She was born tiny (a little over 4 lbs) at 33 1/2 weeks and spent about a week in the incubator. Like Liz, I was also hospitalized for 3 weeks due to placenta previa. The first few weeks were tough but she grew up very quickly. By her third month I was told by the doctor that she has caught up with a term baby. She has been nothing but a great joy to all of us. A real diva though. She is celebrating her 4th bday this month.
Madeline is so lucky to have you as a father. My thoughts are always with you and your daughter.
Amirah, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
I ran across your comment on the Strib website and now have learned your story. Liz had a lovely smile!
Here’s hoping you and your daughter will create many memories.
Matt,
We have been reading your blog since hearing of your tragic news. We were hoping that eventually we would be able to put into words how very sorry we are for your loss, but the realization came that time would never come. We just wanted to let you know that we are thinking of you and sweet little Madeline. We have enjoyed watching her grow so quickly, undoubtedly because of all of your and Liz’s love. We send you only the best from MN and hope that you can find much of what you have lost in Liz with that little bundle of joy. We look forward to many more Madeline stories and we are glad that you still have the ability to laugh at many of these new awkward moments. Thinking of you.
Anne and Doug Swanson
my daughter was born at 4 lbs at 36 weeks, she is now a very healthy, smart active 6 year old. I had severe HELLP syndrome after the birth ( was on bedrest for pre eclampisa for weeks) and landed in ICU for 6 days, none of which I remember.
I say a prayer several times a day for you and your family, you are going to have more joy in your life then you can fathom, even if it might not seem like that right now.
thinking of you both everyday………….
You look so very tired, Matt. I wish I could sprinkle some fairy dust over both your and Madeline’s eyes and send you to sleep for many peaceful hours, with beautiful dreams of Liz. You are doing an amazing job and we can tell that Madeline will never lack for love a single day of her life. I am glad that you are going “home” soon so that all your friends and family in Minnesota will be able to shower you with their love too.
Dear Matt, I wanted to make sure you know your brothers here in MN are thinking about you. I am ashamed to say that I yelled at Taylor tonight because he wasn’t in bed after he had been telling me he wasn’t feeling well but he was just checking your website……bad mom badge for me.
We are always checking for updates and want you to know we think about you. You have always been there for the boys and they want to be there for you. I keep your Christmas cards from the last two years out and was just reading one of the messages you sent the boys years ago. You wrote about some music you sent the boys like Trans Am your favorite band, muslimgauze and some atmosphere albums. You also sent a bunch of candy to help Taylor to recover from his surgery!!
You are a wonderful son, friend, brother and now dad! Liz was blessed to call you husband and I know you were blessed by her. It is a wonderful thing you had so many happy memories……Take care and give Madeline a kiss from your brothers!
Deephaven Mn here Matt,
Just got the paper, read your story and ran to the conputer to check you and your family out. You are remarkable in your candor and your ability to share. You say you are not the better parent; but Liz is watching you and is so proud…..I know that she is guiding you. Madeline is one lucky little girl to have you. One day she will be able to understand because of this journal you have created.
I wish you peace and less pink!
Laura M
hi matt. we’ve never met, (which is funny, as i attended sju/csb,) but i feel like i know you now, after reading your entries. you, liz & madeline are my waking thought most mornings. after hearing of liz’s untimely death, (like many people,) i’ve found myself bawling on NUMEROUS occasions over a song on the radio, found myself blubbering like a baby, disappointed in myself when i get upset or annoyed at the smallest of things, usually thinking of the picture of liz holding her belly. . .her beautiful face & all that life was supposed to have in store for her. so, again, i think of her, you & that precious baby girl every day, sometimes multiple times, grieving with you, but inspired by liz’s strength, courage & the reality of life, that it could end at any moment. often in the past weeks, i’ve thought of liz when faced with a tough decision, whether it’s deciding to leave my children & take a trip, confront someone, silly stuff like that. but i think of her & am reminded of how short life can be. . .could be & that i should live in the moment, live fearlessly, be the best wife, mother & friend i can be while i’m here. . .b/c you just never know.
so, liz is my daily inspiration & always will be. i’d want her to know that. and i know i’m not the only one who’s life she’s touched without even knowing her. madeline will be so proud to hear of the woman her mother was & is to so many people.
sincerely,
liz w.