some of us
were talking
about madeline’s long fingers.
someone suggested
that she should be a
piano player.
i said,
“just like her momma”
and then i realized…
i was in love with liz
for over
12 years
and i never
saw her play the piano.
and that made me sad.
then i got to thinking
about the other stuff
we never did.
we never skied together.
we never made it to egypt.
we never went on that african safari.
we never made it dubai.
(she really wanted to see those crazy human-made islands)
we never got one of those
cheesy family portraits
(you know what i’m talking about…the three of us all wearing the same all-denim outfits).
but really,
those are the only
regrets.
pretty fucking amazing.
14 Comments
I’ve been kind of keeping up with your story and it really breaks my heart. And kind of scares me as i’m almost 8 months pregnant. But a good way to think of it is that now you can do the things you couldn’t do with Liz with Madeline. Teach her to play the piano like mommy did! Who knows! I’m sure it will help you both stay close to mommy!
Matt,
I found your blog by chance and wanted to extend my congratulations and deepest sympathies to you, Madeline and all those who loved and knew Liz. I hope it brings some comfort to know that your love for Liz and Madeline are what shine through the sadness you’re experiencing. Your life and words are a testament to the undying bonds of marriage and family. Your daughter is gorgeous (and what a beautiful head of blonde hair!) and blessed to be surrounded by such love.
Thank you for sharing your story with those of us in blogland. For what it’s worth…I will think of Liz and Madeline the next time I’m upset about something silly. I will remember what is really important in life.
Thinking of and praying for you all,
jg
Just wanted you to know that I have been reading your story. I read you every day. And quite often you leave me speechless.
But I wanted you to know I was here. And I am sorry. And happy for you. All at the same time. And I appreciate the courage it takes to share your experience as you are living it.
For the many people who’s lives you have touched, thank you.
you have your daughter… you have no idea how lucky you are.
from a childless father.
What a very sad but beautiful story….your lovely daughter does indeed look quite like mommy. What a joy to you! It’s wonderful that you both have so many loving people in your lives. Maddy is so lucky to have such a loving and attentive father. I am amazed that you are doing so well after such a loss. I am one of those middle-aged women who love babies…I really enjoyed that comment! All the best to you and your Maddy….
You are an incredibly inspiring person. Your daughter is lucky to have you!
hey… denim family portraits are lame!!! don’t worry, you and madeline were meant to be soul mates, just in a father/daughter way… you will have a wonderful life together… i just know it!
Caitlin
Rayne, LA
this is some fucked up shit. No better way to say it.
Hi Matt,
“but really,
those are the only
regrets.
pretty fucking amazing.”
I just told my Mum to read your blog, because I think that you share some really great lessons, and we should be grateful if we don�t have to learn them in such a hard way.
I linked to your blog via Chrissy Coppa’s blog at Glamour. This picture of you and Liz at Machu Picchu was the first one I saw. This post was the first I read. My husband and I have a 19 month old son. We are planning a trip to Machu Picchu next summer. We tend to put a lot of things off because we don’t want to upset the “baby’s schedule” or we are too tired and bleary-eyed to think past today. I want to be able to say that we had no regrets when we have the opportunity to look back. I want to do the things we’ve always wanted to do. Thanks for inspiring us.
Im sorry for your loss. You story is truley heart breaking. Make sure to take your daughter to do all of those things you wife wanted to do!
Matt! This has me crying. I am so very sorry for your loss. You are truly a WONDERFUL father and your daughter is so lucky to have you. Reading this makes me think about so many things in my life thanks for opening my eyes and helping me realize that I need to enjoy my loved ones and spend as much time as I can with them. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to email me.
One of the true blessings for you and Madeline is that you are one of the lucky souls that will cherish each moment you have with her. Some of us need (sometimes not so gentle) reminders to love with our whole hearts and appreciate life. I’m so thankful you were able to have real, true love before she had to leave.
Hi Matt!
Im from a far far away place (Brazil) and it seems that Im in the exactly same place as you are (widonw with a kid – in my case 2 kids!).
About 4 months ago, my 35 years old husband was taking his mom back to her city (about 30 min away from our home) and he saw an accident in the autoroute. 3 cars have crashed and one of them, with a family inside, was starting to get on fire. Obviously, he stoped our car (with his mom and brother inside) and rushed to help the other family. He managed to stop the fire. He came back to our car, gave his brother his cellphone and told him to call for help. And retourned to the crashed car to try to get the family out of it…
All of a sudden, a 4th car appeared and went over the 3 already crashed cars in the route. My husband and another person´s husband, who are there just triyng to help, were killed. Just like that…
Today, Im in the same situation that you were the day you wrote this post: thinking about all the things we planned to do togheter… that I will never have the chance to do with him.
Best regards! God Bless You.
Miriane