a relatively quiet day.
neighbor cass stopped
by with some
beautiful flowers from
her garden
and a cd full
of music
to bring me
peace
(from her husband, tom).
i talked to a new
who has been keeping up
with my world via
this page.
she’s coming to our house
on sunday to
do a photo session
with me
and
maddy.
she let me talk
at her for a long time
(the healing process continues).
later…
(now this should sound familiar).
stopped at the bank,
made some tellers
cry.
(i should just stop talking to strangers).
anya stopped by
’cause she hadn’t seen
madeline
for a couple of days
(and madeline missed her auntie).
the evening brought
more visitors from yahoo!
a disney visitor
brought madeline
one of the fanciest blankets
ever made.
she will love it.
rhonda also came by
to watch
my child eat.
and burp.
i realized today
that
maddy’s been home for
one whole week.
(time is going by so quickly).
it seems like she’s
been here
forever.
(which is a really good thing).
it’s such a comforting
feeling
to have her in the house.
(even though she wakes me up a lot).
14 Comments
Matt,
Today, I read your email response to the Twin Cities based Cribsheet website. I can only imagine all they you are dealing with these days…trying to take it all in. I write this email to let you know that if you ever need support, do not hesitate to email. I have two little ones (boy and girl), ages 3.5 and 1.5 years. My kids were born prematurely at 34 and 35.5 weeks, respectively, and are both doing well. I was also on bed rest in the hospital) for several weeks prior to my second child’s birth.
I am by no means an expert on parenting nor prematurity! However, I would be happy to listen if you ever wanted to talk by dropping me an email.
Take care (as best as you are now able).
Jeanne
Minneapolis
Matt, I have been lurking since I read about your blog on Cribsheet. First, I just want to tell you how sad and sorry I am for your loss. We too have a new baby in the house, Ben, born just two days after your adorable Maddy. So when I see you posting about “three weeks,” I think to myself, “Oh, me too, almost!” I will enjoy following your journey in that regard.
I have something more personal to tell you about how your blog has inspired me, but I don’t want to spill it out here. If you shoot me an e-mail, though, I will tell you privately.
I’m thinking of you often (even though I don’t know you).
Hi Matt,
I’m also a Cribsheeter who has been moved to tears almost every day since you first posted on the blog. Your posting about the robot made me smile and cry. It reminds me of when my husband and I on our honeymoon spent $20 (ok, not $400) on this “totally amazing” dancer-guy on the streets of Tokyo only to learn that it was hidden strings not magic making it work. We were so disappointed and angry at ourselves for being such suckers. So my question is – does the robot work?
I also think about you and your daughter many times throughout the day. I’m 33 weeks pregnant with our second. My daughter was born by c-section and now I’m even more motivated to VBAC after hearing Liz’s story. Sharing your story really is changing lives.
Another cribsheeter jumping onto your blog. The way life works doesn’t always make sense to me. Please know that you and Maddy are being held close by so many. I realize that you are running on pure adrenaline right now and hope that adorable daughter of yours keeps you going every day.
I have a 4 month old that still is not sleeping through the night, but one look at his little face and I am suddenly not tired. Children are amazing little creatures and such miracles. Give your little miracle an extra squeeze from me today. Take care of yourself so you can continue taking care of Maddy. I am also so glad that you have such a great circle of support. Continue to lean on them!
Feel free to email if you need to chat.
Hi Matt,
I am also a Cribsheet reader and found your blog through there. I am not yet a parent myself, but hope to be in the future. I have also been thinking about and praying for you and Maddy every day since I came across your story. It seems like you’ve had a lot of visitors and support from friends and family and I hope that continues for a long time. Your story has reminded me to have a bigger perspective when small problems happen. Also, my best friend had her first child (a boy) via c-section on March 10th. Every day since reading your story I have felt overwhelmingly thankful for my friend and her little one. Thank you for being so open and real and for letting the story of yourself, Liz and Maddy touch so many others.
Hi Matt – Another Cribsheeter here, and I’m a bit embarrassed to say, another lurker! I have been lurking on your site EVERY DAY since I first read your story – it has touched my heart in ways you will never know. I keep you and Maddy in my thoughts and prayers every day. Amazing how you can feel so deeply for someone you have never met…I wonder if you will ever know all of the lives you and your amazing family have touched. As I wrote on the Cribsheet comments. You are my reminder to STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF! A kick in the behind if you will – I have two little ones – a girl 2 and a half and a boy who is 15 months – they test my patience more than I care to admit but now I realize…big deal. Big F’n deal. You are an inspiration to us all and know that we are rooting for you!! Take Care Matt. And again, thank you for allowing us into your life.
Matt – I’m going to join the Cribsheet crowd and sendi you my most sincere condolences on the loss of your wife, and my most hearty congratulations on the birth of your precious daughter. My husband and I have a 6-month-old daughter, and I know how intimidating those first weeks of parenthood can be for anyone, let alone a grieving father.
I want to send you a huge vote of confidence by way of my husband’s journey to fatherhood. In the last 6 months, I have watched him go from a “guys-guy” who had never changed a diaper and was not comfortable with any child under the age of 2, to the most loving, tender, caring, capable and confident father I can imagine. I am lucky to have him, and we are lucky to have a sweet little girl. I’m telling you all this stuff about my great hubby because I know that you will be able to give little Maddy such a wonderful gift in your care of her, just as my husband has given our daughter. Sure, you will have plenty of challenges, but I know that you will be a strong, capable, loving parent for her. Liz may have taken care of the shopping, but you will eventually grow accustomed to fatherhood and parenthood and all that it entails. You will no doubt be surprised and amazed by your ability to care for this little creature, and how you will learn to give her literally everything she needs. You have already shown the world how strong you are, even through your tears. You have risen to the occasion even when you may have wanted to crumple in a little ball. For that, you are to be commended. I know that the week and months ahead will not be easy, but don’t ever forget how lucky Maddy is to have a daddy like you.
I think of you and Maddy every day, Matt. Wishing you nothing but the best in “the MN.”
Hi Matt,
Thinking a lot about you, Maddy and Liz. She was just amazing, I feel so lucky to have known her. She was the rare sort that makes everyone feel like they belong in the circle and like soaking up each moment of life is the only way to live. She did that, put people at ease and brought a sparkle with her. I’ve been thinking about you a lot.
You are inspiring, your words, your approach, your humor. Where are you finding your strength?
Glad to hear people are feeding and feeding you as you feed and feed Madeline!
Matt, it’s amazing to me how many people have been so touched by this virtual slice of your life. I’m another stranger to you, just a friend of a friend… but you and little Madeline haven’t been far from my mind much since I first happened upon your blog. I know it’s been said countless times already, but I just had to tell you how incredibly moved and inspired I’ve been, and continue to be, by your posts here. The way you express yourself, both in words and images, is heartbreaking and heartening in nearly the same breath—your ability to hold yourself together with dignity and humor in the face of such tragedy is truly extraordinary. Without ever having met Liz, I can feel her beautiful spirit shining through every photograph, and every word you type. I hope it would have made her smile to know that she and her family have generated such an outpouring of love and kindness from so many people—many of whom she never even knew. It is a remarkable soul who can continue to touch and inspire so many even after they are no longer with us.
Like so many others, I wish that there were words to ease the pain you must be feeling. I suppose all I can really do is add my voice to this remarkable chorus of well-wishers… in sorrow, in sympathy, in compassion, and in the genuine hope that you and your daughter will be, in some small way, comforted by our prayers. I’m so, so sorry, Matt. I hope you continue to find strength in your family, your friends, and of course your little Maddy. Keep talking; keep writing; please don’t worry about making us cry. We bank tellers and postal clerks and nurses and random strangers of the world… we don’t mind. It’s just our way of telling you, in the most basic of human ways, that we all love you—and that you’re not alone.
Best of everything to you—take care.
matt – i am another cribsheet reader. i’ve been ‘checking in’ on you and madeline regularly. I am so deeply sorry about your loss of Liz. i have a 1-year-old daughter, so some things are still fresh in my mind if you’d like to connect via email. i’d love to help in any way i can; listening, sharing, laughing, crying
she will comfort you for the rest of your life, in ways you can never now even fathom…….just wait, it really does only get better.
I think of you both every day, thank you for posting the photos of well, your new life.
I was told of your blog on the Justmommies forum, and have been lurking since you first brought Madeline home. I just wanted to thank you for your sharing your story and let you know there’s another (complete stranger) out there who is reading your story and wishing you and Maddy the best.
Yet another Cribsheet lurker! And yet another one who’s been inspired to have a new perspective on all the “little things” since reading your story. So I won’t go into all the things everyone else here has already said better than me!
But just to share something that might help with the sleeping…the best advice I have ever gotten about newborns is to KEEP SWADDLING THEM! They sleep so much better (and LONGER!)…it saved my life with our newborn, when I thought I would lose my mind from no sleep.
If memory serves, a doula showed you how to wrap Maddie at one point, and I hope you have found that successful and helpful. Another good resource is the book (and DVD) “The happiest Baby on the Block” by Harvey Karp.
Beyond that, I can’t tell you anything about how to be a good dad…sounds like you’re doing a great job on your own! I am so glad that you have what sounds like a great support network.
Thanks so much for sharing your story with all of us. Please let us know if we can help in any way.
Aww! How Adorable!!!!!!!!!!!