madeline has a
favorite book
grandma candee bought
it for us
before maddy was
born.
her eyes get
huge when i show it
to her.
it has no words
(perfect for daddy).
this book got me thinking…
about the unfairness of this
whole
situation.
i can’t help but
think that
madeline
lost the better of
her two parents.
she got a lot
from both of us
it’s obvious that
liz passed her
good looks
on to
madeline
but i’m left
here
to make sure
that her hair gets
braided,
that her clothes
match,
(though people have pointed out to me that they’ve bought me outfits with interchangeable parts, just to make me look better).
and that she is properly
accesorized
(thanks to cousin danielle for the help with that).
i can also
(already)
tell that she got
her momma’s smarts,
but what’s gonna happen
when she needs help
with her
economics homework?
(or science, math, psychology or any of the other subjects her momma studied with ease)?
that easy answer…
“go ask your mom.”
to her question…
“can you help me with this?”
is out the door.
it’ll be hard to tell
her
that her father is
incapable of calculating
anything beyond
2-digit addition,
remembers nothing about
psychology,
has a decent understanding
of social sciences,
and almost failed
economics.
i guess it means
that her smart
aunties and uncles
(related and unrelated)
will be getting lots
and
lots
of phone calls.
(or she could just study sociology like her dad…then we’d be fine).
(or maybe photography).
38 Comments
Oh Dear Matt – you will teach this little girl more than you will ever know – more than you ever thought possible. While it may not be in the way of crazy math problems (and who REALLY uses those in life anyway???) it will be where it REALLY counts…Being caring, being compassionate, having a zest for life…You just keep up the good work and everything will fall into place. Perhaps she will have a natural gift for the book smarts ~ And if not – so be it – SOMEONE will be able to help her out with that part and you will have already taught her about life’s biggest lessons. Take Care Matt – We are here cheering you on each and every day from MN!
Maddie will be fine with you not knowing all the answers as long as you love her… which you obviously do. And she’ll love hearing stories about her beautiful mother and how much you loved each other.
Saying prayers for you all from MN.
You are selling yourself far too short. The very fact that you realize you will have to braid her hair (and are willing to do it!) speaks volumes of your knowledge. It’s not the “math smart/not smart daddy” that she’s gonna care about … it’s the “love my daughter with everything in me daddy” that’s gonna matter!!!!
Focusing on what Liz could do better than you (whether true or not) gives no credit to the fact that Liz obviously thought you were capable of being a wonderful daddy or she wouldn’t have created a child with you!!
You’ll be great.
Hi Matt! You really need to publish your story some day. You write with such honesty and it’s so interesting to learn more about you and your beautiful Liz and Madeline as the days go on. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I do want to say, however, that I didn’t know my Mom but I turned out okay with my Dad being my primary caregiver. Our clothes probably didn’t match and our hair was cut short so he didn’t even have to worry about braiding it, but we were happy and well fed and loved a lot! It is so obvious that you love your daughter…….all the other stuff is small stuff……and the reason we have friends and family is to help out with the small stuff. I certainly can’t help my 17 year old with her Chemistry homework, but I know people who can and do help with that! Kate actually told me yesterday, “I’m so glad we get along so well”…….and if that’s all I’ve accomplished in all the years I’ve been her Mom that makes me VERY happy. I know I’m not doing a good job of helping you feel better, but keep on loving Maddie like only you can, and the rewards will be magnificent! Hang in there Matt……you and Maddie are in my thoughts and prayers and God knows you are doing a GREAT job, and so does Liz!
I found a link to your blog on the Star Tribune website in Minneapolis. YOU ARE AMAZING!!! I just read your entire blog (I am supposed to be working) I am sitting at my desk in tears right now. The love you have for your daughter is beautiful. You have a gift for words. I will be praying for you and your family. Keep up the good work, the most important thing you can give to your daughter now and forever is love. Peace and prayers from MN…
The hair, the clothes, the math — that stuff is not important. Kids will dress themselves and do their own hair anyhow, and there’s not much that a mom OR a dad can do about that at times.
Love? Now that is what counts. Just love Madeline and cherish her and teach her to be a kind and caring soul. Teach her about her mother. Teach her about the magic in the world. That’s all it is, really. The other stuff is irrelevant. You’re going to be a great parent.
You both have been in my thoughts since I stumbled across this blog. *hugs*
Hi Matt,
I think most new parents feel unprepared with newborns. With the loss of your wife to help you, the feelings are magnified. I realized with my own child that after a couple months I finally figured things out and the future wasn’t so scary.
You’re lucky that babies really only wear onsies in the summer when it’s hot, so you have a couple months to figure out how to match clothing. LOL
Sara
Matt,
You’re going to be the super-cool dad that all the other kids wished they had. Madeline’s hair and clothes and accessories are going to have that special super-cool dad touch (combined with a little magic from all her aunties who of course will LOVE to help along the way) and that is exactly what already makes her a princess — and you the best dad ever. She and you both will be loving every moment.
Matt, you are such a gift to Madeline. She will no doubt miss her mom and while Liz will be there to watch over her from above it won’t be the same. But you have to remember, Liz already gave Madeline the best and most precious gift she could–you as a father. My mother (who died when I was 18) told me that the most important thing I can do for my children is choose a good man for their father. I did that and thank my mother for that advice every day. Liz obviously learned that lesson, too, because she chose you. To quote A.A. Milne, “Promise me you’ll always remember—you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Take care.
Madeline is so
so
beautiful! Just like her momma.
This post reminds me so much of something my own husband would say in my absence. We are expecting our first child in September, and I know if he ever found himself in your situation, he would say it in almost the same way. So let me be Liz’s voice for just a moment and say: I did not choose my partner in this lightly. It is this smart brain of mine that showed me that YOU are the one most qualified to do this with me. I wouldn’t be in this situation had I even thought for one second that you would not be capable of being an incredible father, with or without me. Matt, your own personal qualities are obvious to everyone who reads your words. Madeline will thrive on your humor, your strength, your love, and all those other talents that Liz loved you for.
Dear Matt,
Just got off the phone with your mother. Dave emailed me about 2 days ago with the news. I am completely destroyed. I am supposed to be an expert on this subject but can’t find the words to express how I feel. I have not felt this way since we lost Emily. I will tell you this, from direct experience (many stories), death is a presumption. I don’t believe in it. Unfortunately we inhabit these methods of conveyance and when they breakdown we are physically gone. BUT, it is impossible to die. We simply move to another place. It is much worse for those of us stuck here and, I think, pretty great for those who have transitioned out. You are not alone and never will be. From experience I know you will be happy again. This will take some time. Take it all minute by minute, hour by hour. You will survive and thrive. I guarantee it. Call me anytime. 215 493 4984. Jim
Matt,
I learned about you and your family from your post on the Star Tribune CribSheet blog, and I would like to let you know that you have a support network with us anytime you need it. As a parent, it doesn’t matter if you can match clothing, know which shoes go with which outfit, or how to help them with their homework. What does matter is that you know how to reach out for help when you need it, and you are already doing that! Your reaching out for help and support says more than words could say.
I will continue to keep you and Madeline in my thoughts and prayers.
I was introduced to your website by a friend of mine and have been following your story. You are amazing.
Here’s only some of what you will teach your daughter:
-grace
-compassion
-humor
-eloquence
-beauty in all of life’s gifts
She is HONORED to have you as her daddy. You will give her so much love that she’ll feel it overflowing daily. That is the most precious gift you could ever give to her.
I am sure when the time comes, you will do great. And if you don’t know the answer, find someone who does.
Matt….
Madeline is so incredibly beautiful in your photos…
Don’t doubt for a minute your abilities to fill the needs of Maddie…you exude such love and insight here….you are an unbelievable inspiration….and you are loved by so many…family and friends all waiting and wanting to help…you are in my thoughts and prayers every day…
You are one amazing man!
Love to you and Madeline!
Cindy…better known as Auntie Marcey & Uncle Gene’s daugher & Candee’s cousin
Matt,
I completely agree with you. It is not fair. It is not fair that you have to do one of the hardest things in the world (raising a newborn) alone, when you are greiving. It is not fair Liz did not get to hold her beautiful baby in her arms, but only inside herself. It is not fair that you lost the love of your life at such a young age. Time will make the knife in your heart less sharp, but it isn’t fair. Even though it isn’t fair, you are doing what you have to do and are loving, caring, and nurturing the most beautiful little girl. I admire you, but wish you (whom I do not know personally) would not have to be going through this. Ultimately, you will become a stronger, different, better person with this tragedy and life’s struggle. Know you are an inspiration to me, I will be praying for you and your daughter and wishing you peace during this time.
Matt,
I am so sorry to hear about Liz. I have been trying to get in contact with you guys for some time now, and received an email today. Your daughter is amazing, and has every piece of Liz. You are amazing and the love you have for Liz and the love you have for your precious baby will be such a source of comfort and strength. I loved Liz, the energy she brought to everything, and a smile that could light up a room as you said. She was so wonderful, and the love you shared was one in a million. You are in my thoughts and know how much I love you and Liz. Your daughter is unbelievable!
Love,
Sara Hicks
my cousin told me that she was reading your blog, so I decided to read it. I just have to day that I feel so sorry for you and that you are obviously doing a great job taking care of Madeline, keep it up.
This blog, and all of your amazing photos and memories and insights within, is going to be the most wonderful gift Madeline will ever have. For all the tears and inspiration it gives all of us, it will be something truly magical for your daughter… a little window through which she can see the beautiful person who was her mother.
That might help make up for the economics homework.
go for the photography Madeline…I’ll teach you Fstop…
Thanks for sharing Matt.
I have a good feeling she will do well in any of the above…
~G
Matt, I continue to read your blog since I got the link from StarTribune last week. I think about you guys all the time and check your site daily. You have a wonderful way of writing. One minute I’m in tears, the next minute I have a smile on my face. Thank you for letting us into your lives! Continued prayers and hugs to you and Madeline. You’re doing an amazing job!
You are amazing. Its really that simple. Thanks for being an inspiration to everyone.
Matt, I’m a MN preemie mom and also a CSB ’00 grad and was told of your story today. I am so sorry for your loss of Liz and send my deepest condolences. Madeline is such a beautiful little girl and you are going to be a wonderful father to her, just the memories you are putting here are going to be such a treasure to her. I was extremely sick when my daughter was born at 33 weeks, her heart rate dropped as well and I had an emergency c-section. She was a beensy baby, but now she is 3 1/2 and may still be smaller than most 3 year olds, but in every other category she is a typical 3 year old. Preemies are amazing, they are just natural born fighters. I know Madeline will constantly amaze you. Just love her up. Thank you for sharing your story.
Hey, watch the sarcasm about photography. SOME of us studied it and it has treated us well. Look here: jasonacook.99k.org or here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jasonacook1/ or here: charleyjax.com. Apparently, like you, most other subjects were also a problem. In the end, pushing buttons on a camera and looking at pictures all day was the right choice of study and career path.
Hi Matt,
You don’t know me (so how many times have you read that lately, I wonder) but a link to your blog was posted on the message board for my mommy’s group in Las Vegas. I have been checking in every day since I first read about your story. There are so many things I could say, all of which I am sure you have already heard. I think Maddy is going to be just fine with you as her Daddy. What you have done so far in such a short time (although to you I am sure it feels like forever since Liz left) is nothing short of amazing, and you have been an inspiration to so many.
I was particularly touched by the entry you made about feeling that Maddy had lost her best parent and how you thought you were probably the second best parent. I have to agree with the person who responded about what Liz would probably think about that. Liz chose you because she knew you were the best Daddy she could ever give your children. Women think about these things. I also chose my husband knowing that he would make a phenomenal dad, and if something happened to me I am secure in the knowledge that my son would be well taken care of. Please give yourself more credit.
I’ll add my offer that if you ever need an “ear” to listen, I am always there. If you ever make it to Vegas, you have people here who care what happens to you & your precious Maddy.
Warmly,
Gina C.
You have given her grace and humor and love and honesty in a time of great loss. It is more than many could ever muster. Take a moment to be proud of yourself for becoming such a great dad in 3 short weeks.
She’s a lucky girl.
Found your blog via Storked! and just wanted to say that everyone knows sociology is way cooler than economics anyway — I’m in a Soc Ph.D. program so I’ll just keep telling myself that for a couple more years! Just give Madeline some Marx and Simmel and she’ll be fine.
I just started reading your blog today, my friend introduced me to it. I’am so touched by all your pictures of your beautiful baby girl! I lost my husband Oct 23,07 in a work accident…our son had just turned 4 months old on the 22. I just wanted to let you know I read your blog and it brings both smiles and tears. Your doing a wonderful job with Madeline!
You truly are the Daddy every little girl dreams of. I’m so impressed with you! Madeline is so beautiful!
Oh Matt…this is the most tragic thing I’ve heard of. I am so sorry for you. I know this post is old, but I just wanted to give condolences as I had just learned of you through Mrs. Spit.
As for the picture of your little girl raising her hands up, it looks as if she is reaching up to God.
-Melanie
I found your blog from a twitter post, Thank you for reminding me how wonderful everyone is around me. Thank you for inspiring me to be a better person.
Aww! Poor MADDY!
You are doing absolutely great things with Maddy! It’ll work out, not the way it was planned, but it will work!
I have been reading for a little over a hour now … I have cried off and on and then this one … I am now balling my ass off. I can’t wait to read more, read more so I can see how wonderful you are doing … so I can see how much you are both growing and to continue to tell you that you are a WONDEFUL man, Wonderful father and that Liz is in heaven with you daily and also sharing tears with you as you learn it all!
Prayers, hugs and thoughts will be coming your way from SC everyday!
dont worry about that hahahaha
because my parent did not help me with my homework
and i survive just fine hahahahahaha
Matt and Madeline,
I was so honored to find your page and read your story. You are two of the most admirable and beautiful people alive. Thank you for being so honest with the world and letting us learn from the way that you handle your grief. Matt, you are a perfect dad and I can tell that you will teach Madeline about the most important thing in life– loving each other and sharing your true selves. I’m so sorry that you lost your wife– it reminds me to not take anything for granted in mine. I read your blog about not being a cynic anymore and that definitely touched me. I do wish the best for you and your beautiful daughter.
Misti