my dad
flew back to the mn
this morning.
the house looks better now
than it did
before he arrived.
it’s also now officially
empty
except for madeline
and me.
and when i say empty,
i mean empty of people
for now…
(aj arrives tomorrow).
actually,
the house is quite full.
the gifts continue
to pile up.
(this is what my front porch looks like everyday).
i think it’s time to
get my dad
back out here to build
an addition on to the house.
it’s amazing to think about
the number of gifts
that this child has
been given.
today
i got one
(that’s right, a gift for me).
from an old friend.
someone with a sense
of humor
and a keen eye for the
periodic absurdity
of being
a new parent.
then madeline got
a box full of gifts from
another old friend of mine.
(these folks are coming out of the woodwork!).
it wasn’t so much the gifts
as it was
the time devoted
to the hand-written notes
that accompanied each
of them.
i’ll say it again,
our friends are pretty awesome
(even though i’ve been a jerk and have not been in touch with them for years).
there’s a whole
bunch of other boxes
i haven’t had time
to open
(i’ll get to them tomorrow).
madeline says thanks.
and so do i.
we had lots of
visitors again.
today.
first,
lunch and conversation
with a friend from disney.
then,
a couple of friends
from liz’s first
job out of college
showed up and
let me ramble on about
her
for an hour or so.
then one of them
shared one of those
perfect liz moments
that he remembered so
fondly.
(i’ll share the story at the service).
yet more visitors
delivered yet more meals
(there are some awesome cooks at yahoo!).
and the beecher’s showed
up with some
essentials for madeline.
(seriously, dad. you need to come back and add a few rooms to this house).
then another friend arrived
to help sort some of
the gifts
and to ensure that
my alone time
was limited.
had a great conversation
with the bastard
about how we’ve been
dealing with the loss.
we both agreed
(without knowing we were both listening to them)
that 3 albums
have been getting us by…
john coltrane – a love supreme
sun kil moon – ghosts ofthe great highway
neutral milk hotel – in the aeroplane over the sea
music is the healing force of the universe
(so says ) albert ayler.
i think the bastard
and i
(and probably a few others)
would agree.
14 Comments
Madeline says thanks… the picture is great. It bought a smile to my face.
Yes music………what would we do without it? Unwrapping and putting away all those packages without it would not be so much fun! Hope you are having a beautiful day. Take good care of yourself : )
My babies love that Barnyard Dance book. FYI, you can sing it to the tune of “old dan tucker.” Thanks for sharing all the great pictures.
Matt – you don’t know me, but you went to Hopkins with my husband – Dan Terry. Please know that we think of you often and so admire your courage, sense of humor and amazing fatherly skills. Our sons (Ben 22 – months and Oliver – 7 months) are looking forward to one day meeting Madeline in MN. In the meantime, we hope you and Madeline continue to take good care of each other.
Dear Matt,
Hello from another Minnesota Cribsheet reader. Thank you for sharing your story. What a privilege for us. Keep talking…I’ll keep listening. You are all in the bedtime prayers that my 3-year-old son and I say each night.
Matt,
You have no idea who I am, but I live in Minnetonka and I found your blog from the Star Tribune Crib Sheet blog. I just felt compelled to write to you to say that I think you are the bravest person I have ever “met”.
Thank you for sharing your stories and your incredible pictures. I just wanted you to know that you and Madeline are an inspiration to me and my 7-month-old daughter.
My niece, Maria, told us about your blog on her blog. I read your story last night and cried. You and Madeline are in my thoughts and prayers. You will both make it through this. Your pictures are beautiful and I know that you will show her pictures of Liz as she continues to grow and I am sure that you will have stories to share. Maybe even the robot story!! LOL!! Stay strong and I would love to listen anytime. It sounds like you have a great support system too. Take care.
Hello Matt-
Another stranger checking in, also following a link.
I am moved by your story and I am sure like many- feel fairly dumbfound at what to say.
I am not sure how it feels really to know strangers are thinking of you and your family- but they are.
The online world of parents is vast. Many loving ‘at home’ parents with their precious bundles, but hurting for another adult to speak to.. or who need so very desperately to get the theme song for Dora the explorer out of their heads if just for a moment- turn in mass to the net.
Your story is spreading…I want to say now that even strangers will know your life is more than a meme or story, that it is real and where ever they may be (B.C Canada fer me) they are sending love and thinking of you.
You deserve the support and care.
Which i hope you comes your way.
I wonder how many children, or wives.. or husbands will be loved a bit more or held a bit tighter because you were able to share your story. not sure if there is solace in that- or a sense of robbery. I hope solace.
-hf
Hi Matt,
You don’t know me (so how many times have you read that lately, I wonder) but a link to your blog was posted on the message board for my mommy’s group in Las Vegas. I have been checking in every day since I first read about your story. There are so many things I could say, all of which I am sure you have already heard. I think Maddy is going to be just fine with you as her Daddy. What you have done so far in such a short time (although to you I am sure it feels like forever since Liz left) is nothing short of amazing, and you have been an inspiration to so many.
I was particularly touched by the entry you made about feeling that Maddy had lost her best parent and how you thought you were probably the second best parent. I have to agree with the person who responded about what Liz would probably think about that. Liz chose you because she knew you were the best Daddy she could ever give your children. Women think about these things. I also chose my husband knowing that he would make a phenomenal dad, and if something happened to me I am secure in the knowledge that my son would be well taken care of. Please give yourself more credit.
I’ll add my offer that if you ever need an “ear” to listen, I am always there. If you ever make it to Vegas, you have people here who care what happens to you & your precious Maddy.
Warmly,
Gina C.
Based on your musical selections above, I’m going to recommend an album to you… this is one that will not bother the baby (my “baby” is 10 now, so I get to hear his commentary on my music: “I hate this! Take this off!” Wait ’til Madeline does THAT!!! LOL!)
http://www.amazon.com/Paris-Barclay-Sessions-1955-1956/dp/B00004SC6V/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1209050909&sr=8-2
It’s melancholy… yet somehow hopeful. I think you’ll like it.
Also, you may need to set up message boards so all your fans and supporters here in the blogosphere can talk amongst ourselves, organize our charitable activities, sell “Matt’s Robot” t-shirts to pay for Madeline’s private school, etc…
your friend in the ether,
kate
that nmh album is one of my favorites. and the title track is quite possibly one of the most beautiful songs ever. (now second to beirut’s “postcards from italy” for me).
Wow! I thought I was the only person who listened to NMH, at least in the town of Oshkosh, WI. Just read your people article and as a nanny who sees what dads can’t do or choose not to I am awed by the task you are accomplishing. I will continue to read you blog, and I hope you continue to write:)
Hey Matt-
Just started nursing school, Liz came up in conversation (didn’t know your story until then). Wanted to tell you that NMH got me through the loss of my daughter, who, ironically, is named Anna. So sorry for your loss. I’m sure I’ll comment more as I read through what you guys have been up to in the past year since this was posted. Good luck. You are loved.
Sun Kil Moon gets me through as well. It is one of my favorite road trippin’ bands of choice. So is Band of Horses. But no one transcends “those” kinds of moments like Sigur Ros.