wednesday was the day
that i
started working on
life after
liz.
way too many phone calls,
to deal with
way too many things.
things i never imagined i’d
have to deal with
(especially at age 30).
insurance providers,
credit card companies,
banks,
social security administration,
and many, many, more.
(turns out there’s a ton of shit to take care of when someone passes away, all of which sucks).
anya and robert
distracted madeline
while i sorted through
a mountain of paperwork.
had a visit with
an extremely helpful
financial adviser.
who shed some light
on our future.
(i may not need to sell madeline after all, which is great ’cause she’s really grown on me).
got lots of help from grandpa tom g.
(via video conference).
and elizabeth v.
elizabeth also gave
madeline a bath.
(she really can do it all).
learned that the mpls newspaper
will be doing a
story on
liz.
it should be there
on sunday.
(i’ll link to it when it shows up).
madeline
goes back to the dr.
on thursday
so i can finally have an
updated answer to
the question i hear
at least 5 times per day.
(“how much does she weigh?”).
i’ll update everyone
after the appointment.
got an e-mail from gina…
she combined some of
the photographs she took
with a tune i can’t
get out of my head,
to create a nice little
photo montage.
turn up your speakers
and hit play.
74 Comments
I think I’ve just wept a bucket of tears watching that…
It’s SO awesome!
Take care Matt! Thinking about Madeline and You!
Eshwari
simply stunning images of a family set to music
you are blessed with incredible friends.
and a beautiful daughter
Crying a TON watching that video. Amazing photography and amazing subject matter.
Just a MN lurker here.
This is perfect, I love it! I just got your number from Julia – I know you’re busy, but I’m calling you soon anyways. I’m thinking of you 3 all the time & addicted to your blog…
Matt,
Madeline is beautiful! I am addicted to checking your web site everyday to see how you are both doing. Thanks for continuing to share all of your photos and feelings. We are all here for you!
Stunning.
Oh Matt my heart goes out to both of you! There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you both.
I sure know you love Maddy and what a great gift, you are a great Father!
Bless you both,
Aunt Esther
Crying and smiling (an no shower to hide in)!! What a great photo montage set to music. Thank you for sharing such beautiful pictures with the world. Matt, I am the queen of paperwork as I have worked in a law office for almost 20 years. If you need any help with any paperwork stuff, please let me know, as I would be more than happy to help you any way I can.
Hugs to you and Maddie Girl!
the video was absolutely beautiful. i think i might just play it all day.
Matt – what beautiful pictures of you and Madaline.
The video is heart wrenching but yet so precious.
Thinking of you and Madaline daily.
Hugs & kisses…
Grandma Bev
Hi Matt:
I had a friend that was widowed at a young age and the one thing that worked for her was not to make any life changing decisions for the first year. Granted…your life has changed not only by Liz’s death, but by the addition of Madeline. Take it a day at a time, ignore all well meaning advice and be true to your own instincts ……you’re a smart man
The paperwork is beyond overwhelming; if you get swamped, put it down and start when you can face it
Wow! Great way to show off some amazing photos. One of my favorites is of M. in the bowl with the picture of Liz in the background.
Matt, I was 2 years behind Liz at Blake for all my pre-college schooling. I’ve been following on your blog and getting updates from Emilie Hitch–
You and Madeline are an amazing duo. I just cried at my desk watching the great slideshow. Absolutely beautiful.
You all are in my thoughts here in New Hampshire.
Beautiful video. Raw, heart-wrenching, soft, fragile, calm after the storm- these are just some of the words that came to mind when I watched the video. How wonderful to have it, and thank you so much for sharing it with the world. We think of you every day, here in the Bensman household.
Much love.
-Jackie
Beautiful…. and so touching.
Gina’s talent is just stunning. I guess it didn’t hurt that her subjects are pretty awesome as well… If someone knows the song title or artist, please leave a note here! And, oh — we definitely need to do another photo shoot with just the robot and the baby. (LOL! Awesome robot, worth every penny.)
Matt,
I have been following your story since reading about it in the Strib blog. While I do not know your family, the emotion and pain you feel is real to me. I too lost my mother when I was an infant, and all I can tell you is that what you are doing by keeping this blog is amazing. Putting down feelings and memories of Liz into words right now will help Madeline understand and know her mother as she grows up. I hope that this may help your healing process also, as you are commerating Liz’s life through your words and stories.
You and all of your family are in my thoughts. Madeline is truly a lucky little girl to have been given unto you.
Elizabeth from St. Paul
hi matt–i graduated from sju i ‘99 and i’ve really never been the type of “johnnie” most people think of. i heard of your story through fr. don’s newsletter and would love to do something to help you guys out. my e-mail is justhans@gmail.com
send me your e-mail/address and I’ll send a bunch of books your way.
best…
hans weyandt
Matt–
Beautiful video and great photos!
I’m another cribsheeter that checks your blog daily for updates. You, Madeline, and your family are in my thoughts.
Hi Matt! I am another stranger (crying my eyes out at my desk after watching the slide show). Those pictures are absolutely gorgeous!
A link to your blog was posted on an Ivillage playgroup forum that I am a part of. I have been following your story for the past couple weeks, and I just have to say that in spite of the circumstances, you are doing a great job! Liz seemed like a beautiful and amazing person inside and out. Madeline is so blessed to have you as you are to have her! Thank you for sharing your world with us every day.
I have no idea what you are going through and have no real words of wisdom. But, I pray for you, Madeline and your families everyday. May God give you strength and peace through this difficult time!
Tiffany from Hamilton, Ohio
The tears are still flowing. Oh my, how beautiful. I’ll never forget that picture of Liz in Madeline’s isolette at the hospital. You’ve all been in my thoughts a lot this week. The prayers are ongoing.
Absolutely amazing beautiful precious.
Absolutely heart-wrenching.
What a touching and beautiful piece. Your daughter is so loved. Prayers and peace to you all.
Matt-
I don’t know you or your family, but somehow stumbled upon your blog yesterday. I am in awe of your strength. Tears are falling on my desk as I watched the video slideshow. Your little girl is amazingly beautiful. Please know that others are thinking of you even though you don’t know them. Thank you for sharing your life and your struggles with us.
As a young mother, I cannot imagine the magnitude of how your life has changed recently.
Madeline will bring you so much joy now and forever.
Sara in Minneapolis
I just found your blog today. My tears have not stopped falling. You are an amazing man. Madeline is so very lucky to have you as a father and Liz as her mother. Your family will be in my prayers.
What an amazing collection of pictures – she captured your relationship with Madeline so well! I love that a piece of Liz was wrapped around Maddy – it made it feel so complete. Oh, and Anya’s dress, looks freakin’ adorable – she needs to start a side business. Have a safe trip – I’m going to miss my weekly Maddy visit. See you guys next weekend!
These pictures are simply gorgeous! Madeline is so beautiful. You and your family are in my prayers.
What a BEAUTIFUL slideshow! It’s amazing how music can have such an impact on you and your emotions. Those photos are simply precious. I too love the one of Maddy in the bowl with the pic of her Mommy in the background. It looked like an amazing photo shoot – just all the details – Maddy will love seeing them when she’s older. Looking forward to the StarTribune article in Sunday’s paper. You have a wonderful support system of family, friends and total strangers. Thank you for the continued updates on your blog. I check it everyday!
- Another total stranger in Minnesota sending hugs and prayers your way.
Matt ,The tragedy of what has happend will ebb and flow, but the beauty of
what has occurred after, only transcends how much everyone loves the three of you. What a touching video and music montage,and to think from somebody you never would have come to know .
So many people that, care known and unkown .Shows the legacy and tribute that will go on forever.
Love Dad
1
Matt and Madeline,
What beautiful pictures, and such memories. Your strength is overwhelming and I know that each day will feel a little less heavy. I loved the picture of Liz at the beginning of yesterday’s entry, so peaceful.
Love,
Sara
I have been reading about your new journey as a father. Your website is passed forward from doula to doula. Your wife has given you such an incredible gift.
You have a beautiful family.
Sarah
Your blog has such a strong power over me. Every since i saw you on Cribsheet i check daily. The photographs were beautiful with such emotion in all of them. I sobbed. You have a stunning daughter and a great gift given to you by your wife. Take care. You are in my thoughts are prayers.
Hi Matt!
I just want you to know that I read your page every day (often, more than once a day). I haven’t left a message because I don’t quite know what to say, there are no “right” words for a time like this. I think you are doing an amazing job as a father, and I admire you. Lizzy will be missed, she was an inspirational and amazing woman (and cousin), who left you with the best gift she could. I can’t wait to meet Maddy! Please keep writing and posting photos!
Matt,
You truly honor your beautiful wife every day by sharing her beauty with the world. You are an incredible father and I wish you peace in this wonderous journey called parenthood. Liz’s legacy lives on in your touching words and Madeline’s preciousness. Your strength and dignity are an inspiration and you have touched the hearts of many strangers.
A stranger from Florida.
I’ve been following your blog and I pray for you daily. The pictures and montage are beautiful, and so touching, I cried through the whole thing. May God give you peace and the strength you need.
I love love love that montage! She is excellent and you and Madeline are great subjects! She’s gorgeous Matt, really…really really gorgeous. My heart aches as I can see the way you hold her, kiss her, love her, touch her, look at her. You are a very special Daddy and man! I know Liz wouldn’t have probably chosen any of this, but I think she was certain that you’d be incredible if that (this) has to be.
Matt,
My husband Dale and I are good friends of your fathers. Dale was the one who took you out on the pontoon boat when you were young! Every day we look at your blog. I read it at night when I have my alone time and then Dale and I talk about it the next day. I can’t tell you the number of times I sit at the computer and the tears are just rolling down my face. You were so lucky to have Liz in you life. She was beautiful person. She may have left you in body, but her soul will always be with you in your daughter. Maddy is the greatest gift Liz could give you. I know these are hard times for you but please remember to take some time for yourself. Time will heal the pain but it will never replace Liz. Music can sometimes be good therapy. When you are home alone and Maddy is sleeping, turn on some music you and Liz would listen to. I’m sure you will cry but you will feel better after. I know! You take care of yourself and Maddy.
I’m another complete stranger who has been following your blog since I found a link on another message board.
I cannot express how sorry I am for the loss of your beautiful wife. It just tears my heart apart even thinking of it. You are doing an amazing thing keeping this blog. This will help Madeline see years down the road who her mom was, and how much you guys loved each other and her. Your love and devotion to your daughter shows in every photo (and that montage was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen….had me in tears, multiple times).
Your strength is inspiring and you have touched so many people. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
This was just beautiful! I’m at work and trying so hard not to cry. Stay strong for your precious baby girl and know that you and your family have made an impression on so many people’s lives who’ve never had the pleasure of knowing you.
Magnificent… Stay strong Matt, you’re an amazing person.
I heard about your story through a friend of Liz’s. You have been so blessed with a beautiful, sweet baby girl. I have been so touched by your strength and courage. Matt, you have touched a HUGE number of people. You are doing a wonderful job, all the while missing your best friend. Know that she will always be near you….
I just seen your story in the Minneapolis Star Tribune and had to check out your blog. I must say Madeline is a very beutiful baby, you must be a proud father.I wish you all the best and wanted to Thank-you for sharing your story as it’s made me realize not to take anyone or anything in life for granted.
That video was absolutely beautiful. YOu look so in love and at peace …I don’t know how you pull the peace look off! On a lighter note..You and your friend looked so loving together..tying your shoe for you…I”ll bet those neighbors were for sure talking about you!! Thanks for the daily look at the loving life in the Logelin home. Love to all of you…
Matt – I am so very touched by your story, your words, your emotions. I feel a little bit like I am intruding into your life, but since the story appeared in the Star Tribune, I guess it’s okay? At any rate, Madeline is just a precious jewel and your story gets all of us in the most basic way. Thanks for posting it and for giving all of us a glimpse into the emotionally-wrought hours you’ve been living since Liz passed.
WoW. How do you keep the strength? I am passing the night away at work and just read the article on the Star-Tribune. Beautiful Song, Beautiful baby, and Very Touching Photos…..
I don’t know you Matt, or your beautiful little Madeline nor did I know your Liz – but this video brought me to tears. Your story is in the Mpls Strib tonight and after reading it, I visited your blog. Your words and images are so full of emotion! My husband and I are also 30 and have started trying for our first baby – your story shook us to our cores – the images of your daughter fill us with hope. Trying to imagine what you’ve been through is an impossibility… We hope you’ll keep writing and sharing. We’ll keep you and lil Madeline in our thoughts. Warmly, Becky Boudreau
What a beautiful video!
I too read your story this morning in the Star Tribune. Your video is so powerful! I am a child care Director and to see the love between a father and his daughter, is so very very powerful! My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your beautiful baby girl! Please do keep on writing, I think you have done a great job of expressing yourself!! Madeline will love to see all of the things you have done on this site! Keep on..Keepin on…Heather
breathtakingly beautiful….
That is so beautiful. I read your article in the Star Tribune tonight. I cried all the way through it…..I am so sorry for your loss Matt. But Liz still lives in beautiful Madeline. I love your blog and will be checking it often. You are doing a tremendous job Matt. It is a learning process. Keep up the good work……God Bless you both……
Barb
After reading your story in the Strib, this brought tears to my eyes. Enjoy your precious girl. May she be a beautiful legacy to her momma.
Jill in Mpls.
awesome, awesome, awesome.
I just read your story in the Star Tribune this weekend and it brings tears to my eyes. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you live with the joy of your new baby daugher and the sorrow of losing the love of your life. Thank you for sharing these photos, they are beautiful. God Bless you…
~April
I have been reading your blog ad fell behind for a while. However, to guess I just wanted to say that you are truly an inspiration. I can’t even imagine how hard day-to day life for you is and yet you do it, with a smile and such a positive outlook. Your daughter is the luckiest baby on this planet to have you are her daddy, protector, advisor, caregiver and most of all her very best friend and playmate!
I watched the montage and must admit shed a lot of tears for all of you including your wife. I know how unfair life an be… but my troubles are not yours… but I do know how hard it is to deal with the cards you are dealt and move on… even though your life is completely turned upside down.
You are absolutely amazing and should be so proud of yourself. I know with all my heart… your Liz is.
Hugs from Canuck Country eh?
Suzanne
Simply amazing. Except, now I am crying that icky hard sobbing cry where you cant catch your breath and make silly sucking sounds.
I can’t wait until my husband comes home from school so I can hug him. Have a good day.
That was pretty amazing and brought tears to my eyes as well. Those photos of the two of you are beautiful.
I just wnated to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. A co-worker brought me the paper with your story in it. I had just lost my 27 year old daughter on April 17. She was a kindergarten teacher, had a wonderful husband and a 2 year old daughter, Ella. We all miss her terribly, so I really do understand how you are feeling. When I read your journal I know exactly what you mean when you find that last thing she had written, or the last gift she gave me or the last picture of her living life to the fullest. Megan was dx. with gastric cancer in Jan. She received chemo, but the cancer wouldn’t let go…she was beautiful, like your wife, with so much to live for. Like you with your daughter, I have my granddaughter to live for. I wish Megan could hear her talking so clearly and counting. I hope everything goes well for you and your beautiful daughter! I will be thinking of you here is South Dakot. If you would like to see my daughter’s story, you can go to caringbridge.org/visit/meganoconnor. Take care……..
Joan Tolsma
I don’t think I have ever wanted to hug a stranger as much as I want to hug you right now.
That video was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.
I don’t have anything else to say that hasn’t been said, you know it all and have heard it frequently I’m sure.
I’m just another person out in the internet universe supporting you the only way I can right now.
Matt,
I am touched beyond words. I am praying daily for you and your daughter. I have family in both sides of your world. You love, your heart and your willingness to be transparent are inspirational.
Dear Matt,
Just another stranger, reaching out from the internet abyss, searching for something meaningful to say. Your life with your daughter will be a testament to the love you shared with your wife. Thank you for sharing their beautiful faces with us, those on the outside looking in.
Matt,
There are no words to ease your pain; I am sorry for your loss. I just read your story, and am brought to tears. Madeline is gorgeous, and is blessed to be surrounded by such a loving and caring family. Liz is definately watching over the two of you, as your guardian angel.
The slide show is beautiful; I couldn’t even begin to narrow down a favorite picture… they are all amazing.
Wishing you the best always,
Jackie
I’ve been reading your blog all day. I’ve had to take a break from it a copule of times because I’ve not been able to go on through the tears. And this display of photoraphy just did it to me again. It’s beautiful. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I just had a few deaths in the family myself, but nothing as heartbreaking as thinking of a daughter who will grow up without the physical presence of her mother. I wrote a poem about you guys and I hope that sometime, you’ll get to see it. I wish you the best that life has to offer. I dont know what I’d do if my sister would have died after giving birth to my nephew. So, I give you my best wishes and condolances on the passing. Your daughter is such a beauty. And so are you. I pray for Maddie and you.
I was introduced to your story by a friend of mine in MN. I have been reading your blog, and I have kept you and Madeline in my prayers every moment of the day! Your daughter is blessed by the love you have for her, and in every one of those pictures, you can see your love at it’s rawest of states. I couldn’t stop crying through that whole video. You are truly one of the most amazing people I have ever “met”. I am pulling for you here in Mn and I am so proud of you for being everything for that little girl and I wish all the blessings on you and your family.
I really cant stop crying while reading this. That was a beautiful montage.
Beautiful.
That’s totally unfair! I was reading along, so touched, but keeping it together and then the photo montage with the guy from the red house painters singing that song. It was too much
Red house painters always makes me cry anyway.
You have such amazing love surrounding you. Thanks for sharing.
pulmonary embolisms suck! Like tornados, they are so unpredictable and devistating. I am sorry that you even know what they are.
Thank you so much for sharing such intimate moments with us!! The photo montage, yeah, I’m a total emotional troll right now!!
You have often been in my thoughts since the day I read your story in the newspaper here in Minnesota…Tears soaked the story and blurred my vision so many times as I tried to make it through the article…The whole while thinking…”I am having this much trouble reading about it, I can’t imagine living it.” I felt tremendous guilt, too, because my own child (my 5th) was born in May 2005. I am not only here for that baby, but for the four that came before him, one of whom turned 18 the day that littlest one was born. I hate that Liz isn’t here.
I can’t help but think when I see the stunningly gorgeous montage of you and your beautiful baby daughter that when these pictures were taken, she should have still been in the loving protective environment of her mother’s womb… I imagine her there, warm in the glow of the nurturing love Liz bestowed on her…and it makes me so very sad that all of you were cheated out of the continuation of that sweet, sweet story. In its place, though, is one exquisitely bittersweet…The one of a loving and dedicated father, determined to see to it Madeline never has to wonder how much her life means, how very much she is loved.
I wish you the most abundant bliss…that life opens many doors to joy to you both you never would imagine. May you be blessed and blessed some more.
Cheers,
Deb in St.Paul, MN
Absolutely Breathtaking!!! –A phrase that people tend to use lightly….but, these pictures truly “took my breath”
What a beautiful slideshow. I really love how you wear Liz’s rings next to yours. It will be a nice collection of memories for years to come and to pass onto your daughter. You are a strong person and many people could not edure what you have and are continuing to…I have a lot of respect for you although we are in different places in the world and have never met. She is a lucky girl to have such a father like you. Don’t ever give up:)
WOW. As i sit here with one of my twin 5 month old girls i just weeped. That was an amazing collection of photos, and the song was just perfect for it, i dont know why, it just is! Keep on doing what your doing! Seems to me like you are an amazing father and your little one, who is gettin sooo big:), is very lucky to have you!
Matt: you have the most beautiful pictures I have ever seen!!! This video brought tears to my eyes. All I can saw is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!
So very beautiful and breath taking!
i’ve been reading for hours
telling my husband
who is in awe of you
doing this on your own
so perfectly.
i’m just now crying
because
aj (i think)
tied your shoe.
A perfect example of a true friend.