has it really been
4 weeks?
sometimes it feels like
yesterday
other times it feels
like a lifetime ago.
i’m having a hard time
remembering her voice
but, i find myself
saying things that
liz
would have said if
she
were standing next to me.
for instance,
i dressed madeline in
a little purple
outfit today.
on the front of
the outfit was
a butterfly and
the word, “hugs”
i actually said
out loud to madeline,
“that is so cute!”
now.
“cute”
is not a word i
would normally utter.
but
it just came out
so naturally
as i looked at
madeline
squirming on the
changing table.
liz
would be proud, but
she
would have
made fun of me
for saying what i said.
7 Comments
They don’t call me crazy Heather for nothin’… but, I’d be willing to bet that Liz is right there with you. Over the years I found myself blurting out Susanisms – things that weren’t really generated from my own thoughts. I truly believe that the our spirits live on.
Hugs,
Heather
It sucks to forget things. I worry about that all the time. What his voice sounded like when he was singing… when he was chewing me out…. when he would say “hey babe” when I called him on the phone. I think I miss his voice (and his hug) the most.
i feel sory for you this is really sad but thats life things come up you will never expect
I saw you on the Rachel Ray show today (2-11-09) and was overwhelmed emotionally for your loss. I immediately went to my computer to find your site and continued to cry all afternoon reading stuff written here. After reading this blog though I was compelled to tell you that I think Liz is with you and using you to have her voice heard. She thought the outfit was cute and your connection forced you to blurt it out. I feel my husband and I have this connection and if anything were to happen to either one of us, I know that the other would be there spiritually. I hope that you are an inspiration to all, not just those who’ve lost someone close to them but for all fathers, no matter what the circumstance. I will forever remember your story and I hope that it has affected me enough to enjoy, more than I do now, everyday I have here on earth with the people I care about. You are doing an awesome job! Your Madeline and my father share the same birthday so I will think about you guys at least once a year but I hope to keep up with your lives here daily. If you are ever in Austin, TX, I would love for us to meet and our kids to play. Good luck but really LUCK has nothing to do with it, looks like you are a natural. If you are not you have us all fooled.
I can’t compare losing my dad to you losing the mother of your child,but I do understand what you mean by time passing sometimes feeling like its only been a few days,and other times feeling like years have passed.I don’t know which is worse.
I just found your blog. With two small children of my own and the loss of a loved one in my heart, reading this post made tears stream down my cheeks. You are an amazing Dad, absolutely amazing.
I started at the first post and have been moving my way through your blog. I’m one of those people that wants to say something soothing and kind but in certain situations I just feel like there is nothing to be said that could ever make a person in pain feel better. I guess the real comfort in this situation is that you have this outlet to reach people. You also lead a life of inspiration, perserverance and resiliency. Maybe you feel like you didn’t have a choice because of Madeline. Well you did have a choice to keep smiling in all those pictures, to shower when you don’t really even want to get out of bed, to turn to those that love you and to create an amazing life for you and your daughter. Having seen fathers that don’t really appreciate the gift of parenthood I think you are a prime example of a strong man and outstanding father!