forgot to mention
what happened
when i went to
the doctor with madeline,
a woman sitting next to me
on the phone,
talking very loudly
(to a presumably disinterested party)
about nothing.
when she hung up,
she turned to me
(with madeline in a carseat on my lap, anya to my right)
and said,
“are you wearing your wife’s rings because they don’t fit on her finger?”
not knowing what
to say,
i turned to her
and said,
“no. my wife passed away the day after my baby was born and…”
before i could
finish the
sentence
she started bawling
and hurried out of
the waiting room
(leaving behind her teenage-daughter to watch her two-year old).
the rest of the
folks in the waiting room
seemed a little
shocked,
and also started crying.
the thing is,
i don’t really
know the best way
to answer
such a question.
i mean,
i could have made
up some crazy fucking story
about why i’m wearing
liz’s
rings
but,
the truth is
far crueler
than fiction in this case.
so i went with
the truth.
now…
the rest of the sentence,
the parts i didn’t
get out of my mouth
were the utilitarian reasons
i have
for wearing her
rings…
first,
i need to keep
them near me,
’cause i don’t
have a safety deposit box
and
second,
after having been burglarized
once already,
i can’t leave
them unattended in the
house.
(yes, i know it sounds irrational…i likely won’t get burglarized ever again, but i’d be seriously pissed if something happened to them).
besides,
after my unexpected
weight loss
(still down 22 pounds from the days before liz passed away)
the rings fit
perfectly on my pinkie.
anyway,
what self-respecting dude
doesn’t need a few
diamonds on his finger?
13 Comments
“what self-respecting dude
doesn’t need a few
diamonds on his finger?”
My husband agrees. His own ring has five diamonds.
I think the truth is the best way to go. It was none of her damned business anyway.
Definitely keep telling people the truth about the rings. Especially here in L.A. where everyone is so freakin’ self-absorbed. They need to be jarred out of their little worlds from time to time.
I think you need to be honest with strangers about your wife – it may jolt people into the reality that we should never take anyone or anything for granted. Wearing your wife’s wedding ring is a wonderful way to keep her close to you (and if you ever gain too much weight to wear it on your fingers, you could put it on a chain to keep it close to your heart.
Best wishes,
amy
You are the first person (besides me) that I have heard wears their spouses ring. I used to wear his watch too, but it’s too big and bulky.
I just said last night that I am tired of people asking me how I am doing, but I will be sad when they stop, because that may meant they will have forgotten Jon….
My husband passed away almost 4 years ago – I know all too well what you are thinking and feeling – especially when it comes to being asked where your spouse is. You dont know what to say and even to this day I pause and debate – lie or tell the fucking truth that sucks every time it comes out of your mouth. And like you said you get tired of wrecking peoples day when you utter it. Yet, if they quit have they forgotten?
Even after almost 4 years it it hurts so much – I totally understand you and feel for you and what you are going through. Your story meant the world to me and as I sit here and write this with tears flowing I applaud you. And like you when I want to curl up in a hole and never come out one of my three kids will yell “Mom” and I know that I do have a purpose. To raise his beautiful children and live life – he wouldnt want it any other way.
Your response was fine – honesty is the best.
All the people you encounter will be steps in going through your grief. As a friend of mine once told me after losing his mother ‘you can not get ‘over’ your grief you have to go ‘through’ it.”
I want to add many well wishes on parenting – I also am a single parent to a beautiful daughter and the only words of advice I have are ‘follow your instints’ you will know what to do – trust yourself.
Prayers and best wishes
I have jolted my fair share of people when they ask how many kids I have. And I say two. But they only see one, and ask where my oldest is. And I tell them the truth: my first died while I delivered him. 40 weeks pregnant, the umblicial cord strangled him and we lost him.
They are shocked, and horrified, but it is the truth. And like someone else said, people need to hear the truth. I hold him as close to me as I can, and talking about him is the way I do that.
Liz is beautiful.
This Feb. I lost my 41year old mother to cervical cancer. My mother faught for a year and a half with her battle. Three days before my mom passed away I had a beautiful baby girl, my mother was to sick to be at the hospital when she was born. After being released from the hospital I went to visit my mom immediatly with my little girl. She passed away the following morning, she was indeed waiting just for that. God has his ways doesn’t he?
I hope you find strength when you look at her and are reminded of Liz. She indeed life you with the grestest gift.
P.S. In the weeks after my mom passed my step father wore her Tinkerbell necklace.. My mom never took it off.
Well, if Madeline is accessorized, you should be too! I think it’s sweet that you wear it!
I found your blog by chance and can’t stop thinking about you and Madeline. My husband’s mother died right after he was born as well, as a result of a brain aneurysm. So when I read about what you’re dealing with it hits close to home. It sucks that my husband never got to meet his mother, it sucks that Madeline won’t know Liz, and it really sucks that she was taken away from you so suddenly. But I hope you find comfort and strength in the fact that both of you have a guardian angel in Liz and she is with you every single day, watching over you and your beautiful daughter. And she is SMILING. God Bless.
I love that you are wearing her rings.
Wear them proudly and for as long as you want.
I noted those rings early in your pics, and thought that it was one of the most endearing and loving gestures ever! I agree with why you are wearing them, I would never want anything to happen to them either. Your beautiful angel needs those rings someday
A perfectly honest question, a perfectly honest answer. Good, I am going to find out if you’re still wearing them soon enough…making progress. I think I should be asleep though. PS – Your philosophy on great music = great kids/teens/adults…right on par with, well, being absolutely correct.