just got back from a
get-together at josh and jane’s house.
a real mn meal was served…
white castle burgers and chicken-ring sandwiches
and
also,
it’s 33 degrees and snowing.
(not too sure what anya thinks about the mn now).
lots of friends.
lots of stories.
now i’m back
sitting in the basement
of my mom’s house
unable to sleep.
is in less than
7 hours.
i was thinking about
the rather
unconventional memorial service
we had for
liz
in pasadena…
first,
we turned off
the standard funeral music
(on eagle’s wings)
and replaced it with some
of our own
(arcade fire, smog, sun kil moon, steve reid ensemble, etc).
funeral director came running in
and turned it off
thinking it was a mistake.
i gave him hell for it.
it was turned back on.
then the service started.
and i don’t remember anything
after that.
i apparently said, “fuck”
as in,
“this fucking sucks”
and i was told
(after the service)
by the same funeral director
who shut down the
indie-rock funeral soundtrack
that i was the first
person to ever utter the
word, “fuck”
in his chapel.
i don’t know
if he thought it was
awesome
or
if he was pissed off.
not too sure
how things will
go
in a few hours
but,
the soundtrack will remain the same
and i’ll likely be the first person to
say “fuck” in the chapel
at lakewood cemetery
in the mpls.
44 Comments
Good on ya Matt! Your ultimate love story will continue to touch those of us who are so self absorbed we fail to appreciate that which could end tomorrow. Thinking of you as you are off to the memorial service. Your rawness and honesty is refreshing. You are in the midst of an amazingly expansive social web of people praying for you and grieving with you. It is our prayer that you will feel the endurance of love, the extravagance of grace and the miracle of life to keep you going through the cruel loss of you Love Liz.
Sunshine and Smiles,
Libbie and Dale
Luke, Jeremiah and Micah
Matt,
Our hearts are with you and your family this weekend. You are eloquent and extraordinary, and if you manage to make it through Liz’s memorial service with even a fraction of the class and dignity with which you represent yourself here… it will be beautiful. You honor your wife’s memory every single day by the love and devotion you show to your daughter. Don’t ever be afraid to say “fuck” if you need to. I think, after all you’ve gone through in the past month or so, that if anyone is entitled to a few random drops of the f-bomb… well, it would be you. Anyone that has an issue with that should seriously reevaluate their fucking priorities.
I got to this blog, in a crazy way, as I was reading the paper and saw a beautiful woman had passed away and then reading that she had a baby the day before….I googled her and found this. I have you and that beautiful baby in my thoughts and will continue.
The day could not be crappier here in Mpls.
Do not feel anything bad about how you have her service, for Christs sake, it sounded exactly like how it should be.
That baby is what will get you thru.
Take care. A MN fan of Madelines, who is also a Mom/Wife, who will now pray each day for her/you…as I would want the same, if something happened to me.
i’m so, so sorry for your loss. you are in my thoughts.
Have you ever listened to Oleta Adams’ music? A favorite quote from one of her songs is “strength follows pain, sun follows rain, we will find a way”
Matt, eventhough I’m a stranger to you, I wish I could take your awful pain away. Life is random and unfair and I’m so sorry. Luckily, life also brought you Madeline and she is truly beautiful. I know my little girl is a total Daddy’s girl and there’s nothing that makes my husband happier than seeing his daughter look at him with her eyes filled with love. She calls him her Prince. I bet you’ll experience this soon too (hugs)
Good for you. Your wife just died for crying out loud. You deserve to say “fuck” or whatever else you want to… chapel or not. It sucks for a lot of people, but none as much as it does for you!
You go right ahead and fall completely apart, Matt. I know you know the only thing that has kept you remotely sane these past weeks has been the baby. For the rest of her life, she will need your strength. So, this is your big chance to flip out and I say go for it! It’s good for you and it sounds like you have great support there in the mpls to see you through.
I’m so glad you’re still updating the blog — why did I think you wouldn’t?! — and I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you all day.
Thinking of you today ~ Much like all the other days. Can you believe the weather we have right now in the MN?? I can’t help but wonder if the snow isn’t one final send off for Liz having grown up in MN – Extra thoughts and prayers are coming your way this morning – Take Care Matt – Darcie
Matt – my thoughts are with you today (and everyday).
Who gives a “fuck” what that funeral director thought. I was there – it was awesome. Your comment at the beginning of the service was one of the first things I shared with my husband and dear friends that night afterward. It was honest, raw emotion and began the beginning of a tribute to a woman I’d never met but sure wished I’d had the opportunity to by the end of the service.
Let it go. Let it all hang out. This cruel twist of fate demands it. Please know you, Madeline, and your entire family are being held in prayer by more people than you can possibly imagine. I’ll be thinking of you as this day goes by, listening to music as you honor your lovely Liz.
Peace & hugs,
Melody
Your blog has found its way to a message board in Charlotte, NC that I visit daily and there have been numerous “moms” that have been reading it. I know I speak on behalf of all of them when I say that you are an amazing person and an even better dad. My heart is breaking for you and your family and I can only pray that you find strength to continue doing the great job that you are doing. Please know that people all over the country have you in their thoughts today and everyday. God Bless!
Matt,
I read the article in the early edition of the Star Tribune today with great sadness. I don’t know you and didn’t know Elizabeth, but this really touched my heart. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know that your daughter will continue to give you comfort and that you will see Elizabeth in her as she grows in the days, months and years ahead. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. As you attend the memorial service, know that there are many people who are thinking of you.
Matt, I do not know you but my thoughts and prayers go out to you. My husband works at disneyland and told me about this. i have been reading all your post everyday.
Matt, this spring weather today is so bitterly cold. I heard about your story on Cribsheet a few weeks ago. I read your blog everyday – it has made me weep/smile many times. I appreciate your candidness and just want you to know that your love and devotion to your wife and daughter have inspired me in so many ways. So many people are behind you and will never forget Liz. I am thinking of you/Liz/Madeline today here in St. Paul, MN. Travel home safely!
P.S. I love your daughter’s name – it is my sister’s too:)
Matt,
I can’t imagine how difficult the past few weeks have been for you; “this fucking sucks” is an understatement. The family (related and unrelated alike) that has rallied around uou and Madeline is such a testament to Liz and the way she lived her life. You have all suffered a tremendous loss. I hope you find comfort in one another and in the joyful memories you share of Liz.
I am sending many, many positive vibes and prayers toward “the mn” today.
jg
Matt, Dave and I have you especially close in our thoughts today. Can’t believe it is snowing up there. A day full of nothing normal I guess. You are surrounded by people who care-near and far!
Dear Matt,
I was went your blog a few days ago from a friend of friend of a friend and I find myself checking it a couple times a day now. I’m so anxious to know how Madeline is and how you are doing. My heart was so heavy when I read what happend and how. It makes me so sad that Liz was never able to hold your daughter. I’m a mother of four and, as you know, there is nothing quite like holding your newborn and that sense of awe. I know you are probably overwhelmed with your new role, but you are doing a fantastic job being daddy. And your support system seems amazing. Madeline is lucky to have you and them. I’m going to keep following your blog to see how you are both are doing. I’ll pray for you, your lovely baby girl and Liz’s family. Take care.
Nicolle Scheller, Overland Park, KS
Matt, we wish we could have come to Liz’ service today to show our support. You and Madeline are in our thoughts!
Matt….. I found your story in the Trib today. My 42 year old husband died June 7 thirty hours after open heart surgery. I can’t tell you it gets better. He was a funeral director by the way, and would have completely understood your saying “fuck”. Its become one of my favorite words! Enjoy your beautiful daughter.
Matt,
Another random stranger (new mom) from the Mpls, who has been checking this blog since you wrote on Cribsheet. Just like there’s no good day for a memorial service or two (for fu*&^k’s sake), there’s no good way to make the hurt go away. Keep doing what you have to do to get through each day and night: wear those diamonds; kiss your daughter; and cry in the shower. Wishing you peace.
Kathleen, Mpls, Mn
thinking of you so much today – all day. I know you are missing your daughter ( still sounds weird to have a “daughter” – doesn’t it?) like MAD right about now, she’s ok – you will be too. Your an awesome dad already – know that.
Matt,
Just read your story in the StarTribune and felt compelled to read your blog and leave you a comment. I didn’t lose my wife, but I did lose my 6 week old son Paul last summer. He was born a healthy little boy, everything was fine until the day his little heart stopped beating and they couldn’t tell me why. I hope that you can work through your grief, keeping this blog and writing certainly will help. You and your beautiful daughter will be in our thoughts and prayers.
Take care.
Robert & Sara Lundquist (Mpls)
I hope her service went well today Matt. I know you must miss her and Madeline like crazy. I hope like Kate in Northridge said that you were able to just let go today and grieve without having (getting) to be with Madeline to take care of her and be strong. She will need you, as you need her…
Matt,
I just read your story on the startrib website. I had a like experience nearly 8 years ago. I see you in your writing. If you’d like to talk ever, please don’t hesitate to write. I still shake my head in disbelief so many years later, but not so often now. The best letter I got during my darkest days said to be sure to open my mind to the angels that were there for me – coming to me in the most unexpected ways and places. My best, Mark and Grace
Matt,
I have been reading your blog and I am so sorry for your loss. Your pictures, Your stories, Your words and the way you have honored and respected Liz are all so moving and heartwarming. The devotion that you show to your family through this tough time is one to be commended. You have an absolutely gorgeous baby girl and your relationship to her is an inspiration to us all. I dont know how you do it, but you do it all so well. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you healing, peace and happiness in the future.
Tammi
Hi Matt,
I don’t know if you remember me or not but we went to Elementary, Jr, and High School together. I am very sorry to hear what had happen to you and hope that you know that my thought are with you and your little angel. I know you would make an great dad because you were the kindest boy i have ever known. Please take care and know that many are thinking of you.
Hi Matt! Your blog and stories of Liz and Maddy give me such inspiration and joy. I am so sorry for your lost and can not even imagine what you must be going through. I just got done reading your entire blog and am truly touched by how much bravery and strength you obtain. Good luck with life and know that your wife would absolutely be proud of your accomplishments. My prayers are with you….
-Carrie Yang
Mpls, MN
Matt, you don’t know me, but I just read your story on startribune.com and felt compelled to reach out to you. Almost 22 years ago, my oldest brother lost his wife to a brain hemorrhage while giving birth to their first son. I was 13 at the time, and it still feels like yesterday. Please know that time will heal your pain…and, things will get better. But, it will take the love and support of friends and family to pull through. That may seem like little comfort know, but just know you’re not alone and that you will garner more strength than you may ever know from this challenge. Just know that your beautiful daughter Madeline is an extension of Liz, and for that you will never be alone. Please take care, be strong and let your daughter know how wonderful her mama was. May god be w/ you…
Brett
Matt,
Like others in this section, I have read your story on the StarTribune site. While I haven’t met you or your family, your story also highlights the need for me to continuously remind myself of the importance of my wife. Sometimes guys take for granted the great things their wives represent and the role they play in our lives. I will pray for you and your family and I wish you tremendous success in your role as a parent.
God Bless,
Jeff (Bloomington, MN)
I came across your blog today and the tears just won’t stop. Your daughter is beautiful and I love the photos of her and you. You’re a wonderful dad. I’m so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts. Huge hugs from a stranger in Minneapolis.
Take care.
Lisa Campbell (Mpls)
As so many here, I do not know you personally but am deeply saddened by your story and what you are going through. Many years ago my former wife and myself went through 4 miscarriages, and, while not the same thing, it is still a very deep loss, and one no one seems to know what to do with, or how to offer comfort for. I still wonder what my 4 children would be doing today, how they might look, what it may have been like to raise them–I will never know that in this life. And yet my own sister one day (when her son was acting a bit incorrigible, unthinkingly turned and said to me “arent you glad you decided not to have kids”? I guess she forgot…
I happen to be a strongly Christian person, but I have learned the well placed use of the word “fuck” a few times myself over the years! Life just is vastly unfair at times and we do not know why. All I am saying is I do feel at least a little of your pain, and I do care. You will be in my prayers from here onward.
As so many here, I do not know you personally but am deeply saddened by your story and what you are going through. Many years ago my former wife and myself went through 4 miscarriages, and, while not the same thing, it is still a very deep loss, and one no one seems to know what to do with, or how to offer comfort for. I still wonder what my 4 children would be doing today, how they might look, what it may have been like to raise them–I will never know that in this life. And yet my own sister one day (when her son was acting a bit incorrigible), unthinkingly turned and said to me “arent you glad you decided not to have kids”? I guess she forgot…
I happen to be a strongly Christian person, but I have learned the well placed use of the word “fuck” a few times myself over the years! Life just is vastly unfair at times and we do not know why. All I am saying is I do feel at least a little of your pain, and I do care. You will be in my prayers from here onward.
Matt, I am a stranger who feels like I know you. I have followed your journey since I opened the LA Times and for some reason felt compelled to research the tragic obit I read. I teach 8th grade English in Los Angeles, and was teaching an Edna St. Vincent Millay poem. As I wrote these words on the board and read to the class, I thought of you……………
“But what a shining animal is man,
Who knows, when pain subsides, that is not that,
For worse than that must follow–yet can write
Music; can laugh; play tennis; even plan.”
Matt–
Madeline is beautiful. thank you for sharing your life and your story with the world. I am so very sorry for your awful loss. I don’t know what else tosay, but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Matt,
I came across your reality through the pages of startribune.com. I cannot imagine what you have gone through but my heart aches for you. I am sorry that life has dealt you this blow. Be assured that complete strangers (like myself) are praying for you and your beautiful baby. You are gonna make it! Vent when needed, don’t hold back the tears, talk when others listen, receive hugs from those close to you…
Praying in MN!
Matt,
I am so sorry for your loss. I feel so lucky to have known Liz. You have honored Liz so gloriously. We all got the better half of a relationship with Liz. She was wonderful, caring, and so thoughtful. My fondest memories of Liz were at New Year’s at her parents. Man she could kick some butt at karaoke! I still can’t believe how you and she trekked up and down the mountains of Nepal nonstop for days. Liz found the beauty in it even though it was hard. Liz was such a strong person. She was the type of person who did everything with love, I’m not sure you or she have anything to regret.
I don’t know you. You don’t know me. we’re about the same age. I have three children and a wife partying in NY with a friend this weekend. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but your courage inspires me. I caught your news on startribune.com and wept. I’ve been in ministry for 10 years, seeking ordination. The word “mourn” that Jesus talks about means to get outside what’s going on inside. Your words uttered at your wife’s funeral in CA are therefore about the most holy thing you’ve could have said. Seriously. If I ever have a chapel of my own some day, you can freely say “fuck” in a context such as this all you want.
Matt,
What a beautiful tribute to Liz, yourself and Madeline! As Madeline grows and becomes her own person, your blog, all the comments from friends, family and strangers like me will allow your daughter to know her mama and her daddy. I state her daddy (obviously that’s you) because you are sharing and recording life as you experience and feel it!! My hope is that your sharing of life as you go (including the AWESOME photos) provides you with some comfort, peace, grace and healing along the way. The tragedy of what you’re experiencing breaks my heart, along with the thousands (probably millions) of other people out here who do not know you, but have empathy and compassion for you and your entire extended framily/friends.
You, Maddie and your family are in my prayers and thoughts daily. There are no rules or time restrictions on grieving. Allow yourself to grieve on your terms and your time-table. I hope you feel the love, support and prayers coming your way from around the world. Allow yourself to be cradled in His hand ~ there is only one set of footprints right now.
God bless you, Madeline and your entire families.
Another Minnesotan who has been deeply touched by your story~God’s blessings to you!
Matt,
I have followed your blog, and want to cry when you cry, rejoice with you with all the positives with Madeline, and most of all, I wish I could change what happened to Liz. Noone can change anything, and you are a AMAZING FATHER! I don’t personally know you or Liz, but I think that your love for Liz and your daughter is fantastic. You have shown the rest of the world, with class, that good things do come from bad things. Your story has made me appreciate what I have, and no matter how bad things can get, reality sets in and I think of what you have gone through is nothing compared to my problems. I know you will do fine, and don’t ever second guess yourself. Keep wearing Liz’s ring, and hold your head high, you deserve it!
Take care, keep us posted on Maddy, she truly is a gift!
Cindy
Dearest Matt,
I am at a loss for words and my heart breaks for you both. We are strangers in this world but we will be bound by my prayers for you both. I am truly sorry for your loss and am embarrased that I haven’t anything profound to say or offer.
Take care of each other always,
Your new friend in Burnsville Minnesota
Jen
Matt, thank you for sharing the beautiful story of your wife, georgous daughter and yourself. Saying sorry for your loss is not enough, but it’s the only way for others to express their sympathy.
Please take great care of your little girl and yourself, your are in our thoughts.
Another Minnesota Family
Dear Matt,
I’d like to offer my condolences on the loss of the love of your life, your wife, Liz. You also have my congratulations on your beautiful daughter Madeline. I don’t have a ton of advice. But, as a single parent, I can tell you that the joy you will have with your daughter will sustain you for years to come. You may not believe it now, but I promise you it will.
Matt, take all the time you need to heal. I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
With Love,
Julie
Hello Matt,
I saw your story today in the local newspaper, I followed the link and have been reading most of the day, I am deeply touched by the words you write, I am very sorry for the loss of your best friend, what a beautiful person she was… Your daughter will always be a part of her.. cherish every moment as I am sure you wil..
Your in my thoughts..
Rebecca , MN
Fuck. Thank you for giving me permission to say that. It really is the only thing that fits.
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[...] and then his wife died within 48 hours afterwards. I’m going to copy and paste a clip from this post below. I found it particularly sweet… the memorial service for [...]