after the day’s excitement.
i changed out of my
suit,
pink tie
(to be officially retired after service #2)
and salt-stained shoes.
and went home with the colianni’s
to sit and rest.
the memories came back
quickly.
in their house,
many wonderful nights
filled
with wine, beer, booze and food.
and
laugh
as she gave the introverts
(me included)
just enough alcohol
to join her, aj & sonja
in multiple rounds
of karaoke/dance dance revolution.
rolling our eyes the
whole time,
she got everyone to sing
and dance.
(we must have had a lot of wine).
great memories.
hard to think about.
**back to reality**
later that night we
caught up with
the bestest of friends
(and some cousins)
at nye’s.
i hadn’t been there
in years.
last time i walked through
those doors,
and saw that wallpaper,
i was with
and many of the same
people i was their to
meet on saturday.
it was two nights
before our wedding.
we’d decided to gather our
friends for
eating,
and laughter.
holding court with many of
our friends.
telling stories,
looking forward to our wedding.
one of our happiest moments…
**back to reality**
everyone arrived
(polish music playing),
(later the lights dimmed and it turned to sly stone),
to talk about the good times
(there weren’t too many bad times when liz was around)
and to try to make
me feel better.
it worked.
at least for a little while.
despite the crowd,
it felt pretty empty
without
liz.
the unspoken question
(the same one i’ve had for the past month)
“what the fuck
are we going to do without
her?”
rattled around in everyone’s head.
i talked baseball
with mark h.
it made me cry.
loved baseball.
and had the 2010 opening
of the new twins stadium pegged
as our planned (permanent) return date
to the mn.
(she hated indoor baseball and refused to move home until there was an outdoor stadium in the mpls).
i’ll
make sure
that madeline and i
(along with aj, nate m., bob m., mark h., jason c. or whomever wants in)
get those season tickets
that
was so excited to have.
14 Comments
Matt, I don’t know if virtual hugs from perfect strangers are allowed – but here goes – (hug) . Now, I must go find a tissue…
I have nothing much to say, just wanted you to know I’ve been thinking of you ( and crying with you) all day – I can’t get Liz out of my head – I wish I had known her. Hope you are ok. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop checking in on you and Maddie so I hope you keep up this blog.
Matt,
I’m sorry I missed ceremony #2 in the mpls. Rob took tons of pictures with his new fancy camera (he wants to be an awesome photographer like you) and gave me the low down. Penny, Rich and Jeff filled in the gaps. I was thinking about you and Maddy a lot on my trip to the Chicago to see the friends I moved away from last year. They’ve been reading the blog and crying a lot too and we shared a few tears together, which was actually really nice. I find it quite comforting to cry – except when I do it too much right before bed and get a headache in the morning. I wish I had some advice or piece of wisdom to offer, but nothings coming to mind, except, we love you so much. We are here for you when ever you need us or we can be there for you too. So give Maddy two kisses for me and two kisses for Rob and we send hugs and kisses to you too.
Go Twins!
Love, Renee and Rob
please email me someday when you feel like it – somanykids4me@yahoo.com
count me in on those season tickets. — j
I saw your story in the Star Trib. When my dear little Reese was diagnosed with a life limiting condition a year ago, I vowed that I would never be someone who doesn’t say anything, so here I am saying something, probably not the right thing, but I don’t think there is a right thing to say in any crummy situation. I am so so sorry for the loss of Liz. Your daughter is beautiful. That’s it.
Wishing you comfort and peace during this very difficult time, Nena
Matt, I read your story in the Trib. I am now addicted to your blog. You and Madeline are one, I see that you are a wonderful father and mother. I can tell by the way you write(I know sounds really strange, that you can and will make it- you are a wonderful person and father. Madeline will be proud to have such a great dad.
I heard about your story through a friend of a friend who works with your mom and then read the story in this morning’s Star Tribune. I immediately logged onto your website and read your blog, poured over the beautiful pictures of you and your daughter, cried, and laughed. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I never thought I’d say this, being from Wisconsin and a born Brewers fan…but go Twins!
Dear Matt–Just finished reading your blog–what an awesome Daddy your beautiful daughter has! I’m so sorry for your loss–it is so difficult and no one can know the journey until they go “thru” it. My husband passed away last summer of lung cancer and I also am tired of crying, but just can’t stop. Take care of yourself, along with Maddie–LIz is so proud of you. She “is” watching from heaven. Check out the song “When I get to where I’m going”. Peace to you thru your healing…
Matt,
I have been reading your blog since your first Cribsheet appearance. I have thought of you, Baby Madeline, and Liz so much and I have never met any of you. Truly, Madeline is a lucky girl to have such a wonderful Dad. She really is.
I’m a little concerned about this Twins talk, cuz Madeline looks like a Cubs fan to me… Oh, well… I guess as long as she’s raised on baseball, ANY team will do. Except the Yankees.
Can’t wait to see pix of her this summer at a game!!!
Yeah, Matt. Gotta agree. The pink tie has to go into retirement.
Matt-
Your wife and child are gorgeous. I’m so sorry for your loss. Babies need so much, and give so little in return… but the older they get, they give back tenfold. Your wife will shine throught that little girl and she will know how amazing her parents are because of you. Madeleine is so lukcy to have you for a daddy- Time will fly and before oyu knwo it she will be stuffing pieces of cheese in your shoe,a nd you will find random toys in your sock drawer. It’s amazing. ***HUGS** for you. Contonie to post pictures of your wife. she is a beauty and her smile lights up the page. and I love seeing ones of you with Maddie- she is getting so big!
As I sit here watching my Tigers play your Indians, your statement of Liz’s love of baseball really hit me hard. As a baseball loving woman myself, it made me feel close to a woman I have never met and that we had even more in common than being short and blonde, and love family and music. It made her so much more real to me than an endearing woman in a blog. I am so so sorry for your loss Matt.
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[...] i think about all of the things we will experience in the future with matt and madeline. so much to look forward to, and so many happy stories to share with each other when we look back. The backwards and forwards [...]