made it home.
92 degrees.
(big difference from the mn).
ben, dana and the kids
brought madeline
back home.
deb and i stared
at her
for what seemed like minutes
but was likely hours.
deb went back to the sf
in the evening
then it was just
me and madeline.
after this weekend,
it’s apparent that
madeline needs to get to
the mn
as soon as possible.
lots of people
know her through
this blog,
but,
they want to meet her
in person.
we’ll make sure that happens
at the end of june.
43 Comments
92 degrees? ufdah!
lavander-purple-lilac are Miss Madeline’s colors!
Matt, I stumbled across you blog by accident. I’m GLAD I did. My deepest sympathy goes out to you. You truly are an amazing person. The love pours out of you for Liz and Madeline. You are a strong man and very admirable. It makes me appreciate what I have in life and how quickly it can be taken away. I read your story every day. Madeline is a beautiful little girl and is fortunate to have you as her daddy.
so glad you are home with madeline. Now the rest of your life begins. Will be thinking of you today as always.
Matt,
I have been following your blog since Danielle called and told me about Liz. I have been/still are at a loss for words. You and Madeline are in my thoughts everyday. Find strength in your little girl, she is the best gift Liz could have given you. Take comfort from those around you if you need it, but also take time for yourself and Madeline. Most of all, take time to mourn your tremendous loss so you can find peace.
Take care of yourself and your precious daughter,
Jamie (White) and Graydon Betts
Matt, After reading your story in the Tribune yesterday, I can’t stop thinking and crying for you, Liz and Madeline. As a mother of four young children, I know how much work raising children is. You are truly an amazing father and an inspiration for me to be the best mother I can be. Madeline is blessed to have such a wonderful caring family. You will always be in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there and stay strong. Things will gradually get a little easier. I will continue to check in on you everyday.
Take care.
Matt, thanks for coming back to mn for the memorial service. It was a tremendous event, and I know, extremely hard for you. And thanks to Candee and Tom, and Deb for opening their home to the mass of people after the memorial. What a testament to Liz’s life; what a support for yours.
And thanks for letting me sing my song at the memorial.
We continue to keep track of you, and pray for you and Maddy. Can’t wait until June.
–
Brian
Asalamalaykom Matt & Madeline and Blessings on Liz,
This has been quite a week for me…or so I thought until I read your story. You know how you think you’ve got issues until you hear the next guy’s story?
There’s a pithy quote, “I complained I had no shoes, until I met a man with no feet.” And you’ve been telling all these shoeless souls (or would that be soles?) that they really should find their gratitude.
Now, for some blogging advice: be careful. You are using the blogosphere as a coping mechanism, which all of us bloggers have done in times of need. Use it as long as it is helpful, but drop it like a hot potato when you find yourself living for the blog. It become trouble when you experience life and then immediately think, “I can’t wait to blog on that!” The trouble seems to happen once the readers become very close to you and the intertwining of real and internet blur. Make sure to use the bulk of your energy for real life.
But, hey, thanks for what you have done thus far. Thanks for the pics of Nye’s!!! Thanks for the pics of a beautiful being known as Madeline. Thanks for shaking up the universe with Liz’s zest. It fills me right now with the sense of both the fragility of every moment and the strength of spirit.
And you? You aren’t alone. May Allah continue to comfort you in your sadness, to guide you in your journey, and to reward you for your efforts. Ameen.
I have no doubt that returning home to your sweet baby lifted your heart. Did she look bigger to you already? Thinking of you today and always.
Hi Matt –
I have not posted in a long time but know that the first thing I do each morning is log on to your blog and see what you and Madeline have been up to. You all are perfect strangers to me but your story has really rocked me to my core. I couldn’t figure out why it moved me so much and then my mom says to me – it’s because you are a new mom – it just happens to you when you become a mom – you feel it. She is right – initially all I could think was “geez, what would Rob(my husband) have done if something tragic like this had happened to our family” – now lately all I seem to be able to think about is making the most of every moment we have together – because it truly is an enormous gift to be blessed with a child. I had wanted to come to the memorial this weekend but somehow talked myself out of it – convincing myself that it was slightly odd that I wanted to attend a memorial for someone that I never knew. So, instead of coming to the memorial on Saturday I sat with my 4 month old daughter, thought about you, Madeline and your families and promised my little girl that I would do everything I could to be the best mom she could possibly ever have! I guess the best way I found to honor someone that I never knew is to do what they would have done – live life to the fullest and shower my child and my husband with all of the love and happiness that I can muster! Liz is surely going to be missed – there is no doubt – but she will never be forgotten – through Madeline, through your writing and photos, through your heart – she will surely never be forgotten.
I wish I had some profound thing to say to you about parenting, life, etc. but I have nothing! Just a reminder of what other people have had to say – drink Madeline in every day – sit and stare at her for hours, hold her even when she might be content to be on her own, and tell her about her mom every day. You are going to make it and you will be okay – there is no timeline that says when all of that has to happen – but it will – Madeline makes it okay, she reminds you that Liz is still here and she is watching over the both of you – I even feel like she is watching over all of us – strange or not. Continue to write and I will continue to read. Feel free to email if you ever need anything or want to chat about being parents! Take care of yourself! Jen
Dear Matt,
I found your blog through a link from Livejournal. I am so very sorry for your loss. Madeline is such a beautiful baby. I know words are meaningless and that nothing anyone says will help ease the pain you feel losing the love of your life. But, Liz lives on in that wonderful little miracle that blesses your life.
I have been basically a single mother for the past 6 years. My daughter is 9 now and I have gone through all sorts of hell raising her. Please feel free to email me if there is anything I can do to help you raise that wonderful little girl. Believe it or not, you are doing a great job with her.
stay strong,
Jamie
I was sent your blog from a friend who knows a friend of yours, I believe. I cried my eyes out for hours reading it. I don’t know what to say. All I can think of is that you are an amazingly strong man that your daughter is going to be so proud of her Dad one day. Please let me know how I can help…donations, clothes, toys, gear, etc. I have twin girls that are 7 months old and would love to send goodies your way, if you don’t mind them used. Let me know if you’re interested. I live in Chicago, so not sure you’ll be needing the winter ones.
Also, on a lighter note-what type of camera do you have? I’m in the market and your photos are amazing. I’m sure it has something to do with the photographer though.
Kate
“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” -Albert Einstein
Hi Matt. I came across your blog from the Star Trib electronic newsletter I get every day. I live in LA (winter) and MN (summer). I am very sorry for you loss.
I am driving back to MN on Monday, May 5th so if you need anything brought back there, I would be happy to do that for you. I live in St. Paul so I am not too far from your MN family. Just let me know.
Hi Matt,
I am not sure if you have heard my name or not from Liz, but I am Lynn Rafferty, a childhood friend of Lizzie’s. We shared many sleepovers and bday parties as we were growing up. She helped us pick out our family dog! My parents are good friends of Tom & Candee’s. I wanted to write a quick note to share some baby stories with you! I too had a c-section last month and my daughter Alice was born on March 20, just 4 days before Madeline. If you are anything like me you probably have lots of baby questions. I find it helpful to talk to people who have similar age babies to discuss all the worries etc… Should you ever want to swap stories or questions… I am here for you. Some day I hope Alice and Madeline can meet!
Liz will always be missed, and never forgotten. My thoughts are with you.
Lynn (I think she called me Lynnie”
Leaving family and MN yesterday for SFO area, thought of you, your sweet baby, Liz. So many hearts reach out to you, hold you, mine included, holding you in your sorrow and your joy.
Matt–
Read about you and baby Madeline in the Trib today– my heartfelt condolences for the loss of your wife, and Madeline’s beautiful mother. I have to say that I think you are a very brave soul to share your experience with so many people– please know that you have touched each person who has read your story. My prayers are with you and your beautiful daughter– much love to you and your family in this difficult time.
Matt- I, as well as many others, came across your story through the ST. My heart aches for you, but it is nothing compared to what you feel, I am sure of that. As I read through your many entries I cried bawled. And then I called my sister, and cried with her too. You are an amazing man. One that I am sure will raise an amazing daughter. Not sure if you are a praying person, but I am praying for you, thinking of you, and hoping that as each day passes and you watch your little girl grow up that your heart heals a little bit more. You are right, your Liz may have passed away, but she is still touch lives, through your stories. Keep crying at the bank, the hardware store, and where ever else you need to, every story you share touches someone else and heals your heart a little.
Read about your story in the Star Trib. You have a beautiful daughter and a very special story. You’re going to be a great dad. Best wishes to your family.
And now the hard work of living begins…but there is nothing like sharing a memorial service with those who also loved who you loved to help begin the healing. You and Maddie are in the good hands of many people who care about you, it sounds like.
Best of luck with everything, and thanks for being willing to share your story with complete strangers. It helps you, I know, but it also helps us!
Dearest Matt-
Hi! I read your story on Sunday, and can’t image what you are going through or how my family could offer you any word of confort in this time of tears. I am tewnty-two and expecting my first child in September, and the thoughts of what could happen to me, set my husband and I to thinking. What if this happened to us. I really can not begin to think about what you are going through, because I had the ability to wake up next to my spouse today, and I thought about your situation, and how very luck I am. You have a very beautiful child, who will look just like her momma. Just wanted you to know that my family is thinking, and praying for you. The Lord is with you, though you might not think so, but he will halp you through.
Matt: Hello from Minnesota! I was so sad last night as I read the story of you, Liz and Madeline. I’m so sorry for your loss and I will keep praying for you and Madeline! Thank you for sharing your story, as sad as it is, to make the rest of us realize how lucky we are! There are no words any of us can share that will change anything for you, but please know that many people are thinking of you!
Matt,
Welcome back to the scorching SoCal heat (I’m here, too). Little Madeline is exquisite, indeed.
j.
MATT, and MADELINE,
i’m glad someone can enjoy nice weather!!
im very glad i read the paper. My heart goes out to you!! I’m having a hard time writing this. I wish i could take your pain away!!
Thank you God for making this man so strong that he can care for the love of his life. She is one beautiful and lucky girl!!
I’m praying for you. God is holding you 2 close to him right now.
Your a wonderful dad and your doing a wonderful job!!
lots of love,
hope vermeer, mn
my heart goes out to you! your an inspiration to all men around. im praying for you. God is holding you close. hes there for you. call unto him at anytime, especially on those rough moments. im so glad God made you a strong man, madeline needs you so much, and she is a very lucky, beautiful little girl. God loves her so much. i will keep you in my heart. keep this blog going. id like to keep in touch on how you 2 are doing.
So good to hear you’re back home in the heat with your beautiful baby girl. You both need each other more now then ever – so hang onto each other tight and let the journey of your lives together begin while Liz watches over you both closely with her love and admiration of all you’ve done and will continue to do with your life.
Matt,
I saw your photo on the front page of the paper yesterday and was drawn into the article. A new mom for the second time, I was so moved by your story. I often think myself that, while I may not agree with some choices that put single mothers in that position, I have an entirely new respect for them now that I am a mom. The feeling is magnified in thinking about you as a new and single dad.
There are a lot of things that no new mom or dad can possibly know other than from trial and error. I’d like to offer you some unsolicited advice on things you will find invaluable in your near future.
* if you don’t have this in the house already, get a bottle of Mylicon. This is anti-gas medicine, comes in a greenish box. Even if you don’t use it, it’s $8 well spent. Inevitably, if Madeline is going to have a gas problem, it will be at night when nothing is open. You’ll know that’s what it is when feeding her and changing her don’t solve the problem, her tummy is hard and she’s crying a cry you hope to never hear again. This works almost immediately. I only used it twice with my son but have gone through two bottles with my daugher.
http://www.mylicon.com/
* I highly recommend Eucerin’s Aquaphor healing ointment. Whenever my kids cheeks get particularly chapped looking from wind (or from wiping a runny nose across a cheek which 2 year olds do), this works wonders. It’s the consistency of vaseline but I put it on at the first sight of a red splotch and it’s terrific. Available at Target and probably anywhere else – again not inexpensive but works wonders. I but the tube version as it’s more convenient but there is also a tub. http://www.eucerinus.com/products/hb_aho.html
http://www.eucerinus.com/products/baby_aqua.html
* Cradle Cap (fondly referred to as cradle crap by many parents) – scaly scalp that often develops in babies. My son got this and I didn’t buy the baby shampoo especially designed for this. Well, I couldn’t get rid of it until he was over one year old. At the first sign of this with my daugher, I bought Gentle Naturals Cradle Cap Care and it works great. It’s actually a Disney Baby product and has Pooh and Eeyore on the front but available at Target. Again, not cheap but money well spent.
http://www.gentlenaturals.com/products/cradle_cap.cfm?gclid=CMeJ-O2v_pICFQoOIgodRwONCQ
* There will be days when you will wonder how such a little body can produce so much poop (by the way, all new moms talk about poop). Shout stain gel will be your best friend in this case! Rinse the garments as soon as you can and treat with the Shout stain get. Works best if you allow it to sit with the gel for a while, sometimes a day or two, before washing.
* Speaking of diapers, if she starts leaking, just move her up to the next size. The give a weight range on the packages but I have always needed to move my kids up a size before they hit that top weight.
* She does not need a bath as often as you need a shower. I am lucky if I give my daugher a bath once a week quite honestly. I’m not proud of that but it’s not like she’s working up a sweat. I wash her face and hands daily and am sure to get her real clean after eating now that we’re onto solid foods.
* Leaving her with a relative, a sitter, a daycare provider or nanny will be much harder on you that it will be on her. It’s actually very good for you both. You will not be able to be together 24/7 so the sooner she’s used to a larger circle of trusted people who will love and care for her, the better for you both.
* find a pediatrician’s office that has evening and/or weekend hours for sick appointments. Again, she will often get sick when it’s not the most convenient. Also, call the doctor or nurse line whenever you have a question. I called them three times in a few hours the first time my son ever threw up. It’s very scary and they are so little that you just want to get them better as fast as you can. The nurses are used to it and your questions are not dumb ones.
Please don’t take the above the wrong way. These are things I wish someone had told me before I had my first baby. I only found out from friends and trial and error. These things have been life savers with my second who is now six months old.
Being a parent is the most amazing experience life has to offer, in my opinion. It’s something no one can prepare you for, emotionally or physically. You are blessed with such a darling and she will keep your memories of Liz very alive. Tell her about her mother often, she will want to know everything about her. Then she too can help you cope with your loss and know that she is so so so loved
Matt, I’m a neighbor of Andrea Gagnon (Liz’s cousin) and I have been hearing about all of you since Andrea knit that cute little hat for Madeline. It’s so hard to understand why things happen the way they do. I hear about Liz’s and your families and know how lucky Madeline is to have such a close knit community. She is blessed with loving, capable, strong people around her. You are doing such a wonderful thing sharing your story. Thank you.
Matt, I heard your story from my sister and brother in-law. The article in the Star and Tribune has sent many to your blog. There are many preciuous stories and photo’s that gives a real sense of the releationship you and Liz shared. Our prayers and thoughts are with you and Madeline as you start your new journey in life. Continue to be strong. You have great support.
Hi Matt
Just read your story in the Star Tribune. My heart is filled with deep sorrow for you. I would like to share with you that my mom died when I was a kid leaving my dad with 4 kids ages 14, 10, 8, and our beloved baby sister Elizabeth age 15 months. Life was difficult but my dad was strong – he fumbled his way through cooking and curling hair but always, always, always, loved us deeply even when he wasn’t sure how to the parenting thing alone. And now that tiny baby who lost her mother is the most beautiful 23 year old young woman ever. That will be your beautiful Madeline as she is too surrounded by great love from her daddy!! You will be in our prayers. Blessings.
Matt – I have seen your wife, you and your beautiful daughter!! I wondered when I saw the obituary for you beautiful wife! I wondered what went wrong!!! Your daughter is BEAUTIFUL!!!! SO IS YOUR WIFE!! The two of you found what many people live without~ That is amazing! I am a single mother of 2. Your story has captivated me – not in a way to better myself, but in a way to make you and your beautiul baby appreciate everything!!!
Matt – you are an amazing man!! I don’t know how you do it!! Being a single parent is hard!!! Do you plan to move to MN – with family?
I hope that you will contact me Matt! For no reason than to be happy! That is what matters – you deserve it! Your daughter is beaughtiful!!
Hi Matt,
I found your blog today, and it really touched me reading about your beautiful wife and baby girl. You are an inspiration to so many, and I wanted to thank you for making me stop and think about my own life, and remind me how precious life really is.
I wish you and Madeline all the love, good health and healing.
Lots of prayers from Northern Virginia
Hey Matt,
Rachel from cribsheeters here. Say, could you e-mail me when you have a chance I have some specific questions for you about Madeline’s formula, we are getting some things together here in the MN and I need to know some specifics
Thanks so much,
Rachel
greetings matt,
so sad to hear about liz. we lit the candle for you and your family, prayers your way. i saw your name on the front page yesterday, then your photo. took a couple of minutes to place you, however, landed us in the political science office at sju. we were work-study together there. i’d love to send you a letter-letter, if you have time send your address. angsexton@hotmail.com
may warmth and love surround you,
angie
Matt and Madeline,
I learned of your life through the Star Trib yesterday. I was just drawn to your story – I am a newer mom for the second time (my youngest is Madeline, also), I am from Minnetonka (not sure if you graduated from that HS) and I am about your same age.
I read through all of your blog entries and shared many out loud laughs and cries. Your photos are priceless and your wit and honesty is amazing. You and Liz lead a great life and you accomlished so much. Boy, life can sure throw you for some crazy twists and turns and this is not how you planned for things to go. I have found that sometimes that “map” that your life seems to be following has to be thrown out the window and completly redone. I have always had this weird sense that there is some “little person” (depending on my mood he looks like a little gnome or a large looming figure) that is writing the book of your life. They write the chapters and the stories and we just act out the whole thing. Along with your new story, Madelines story is now being written. (OK, that is a very strange thought to share with someone I don’t know – honestly, I am a relatively normal person).
I am so happy to see that you have such a fantastic network of family and friends (that continues to grow). Treat yourself well and don’t worry, you won’t break the baby! Throughout my past 3 years of parenting, I remind myself after a hard evening without sleep or a particullarly challenging terrible two year old, that tomorrow is another day and it will only be better.
Through a strange ironic twist your little Madeline will probably have a better relationship with her mommy then most. She is going to be showered with so much love and so many people telling her all about this amazing woman and how she did little things and stuff she would say. More so then many of us whose moms are still with us. We don’t take the time or remember those things that are so easily forgotten.
Take care, big squeezes to that beautiful baby and I know that you have lots of offers, but if you are ever in need of advice or an answer to a question, don’t hesitate to ask. I have two little girls of my own.
Kindest thoughts from one stranger to another,
Andrea
Matt -
I heard about your story from the Fick’s. I was touched from the moment I heard about what was going on. I was filled with a number of emotions and questions. The main question was why? How can something like this happen? I’m sure I’m not the only one to ask, but I wish it could be answered. I go on your website daily and I will continue to read it. Every time that I read your blog, someones post or a new picture brings many tears to my eyes. I was at the service on Saturday. When Jeff asked me to come I felt honored to be his guest at such an event. I walked in to the chapel and immediately felt sad. I was sad for you and everyone that knew Liz. When you started speaking I couldn’t help but cry. I can’t imagine losing someone that has had such an impact on your life, and who you loved more then anyone. You are a very admirable person. I know Madeline will grow up with a wonderful, loving family and a great father! You and Madeline are always in my thoughts.
- Meagan
hi matt i just want you know that you and your wonderful lil girl and the rest of your family are in my thoughts.
Matt, another stranger here… Thank you for allowing me to meet three amazing people through your blog: a precious baby who carries her mother’s zest for life; a beautiful, intelligent woman who continues to bless this world with her powerful presence; and a capable, genuine man whose honesty and strength are inspirational. My most heartfelt condolences…
I’m also from MN. I am so sorry to hear of your beautiful wife. I found your blog last week thru the Mom’s Corner forum. I also read the article on Sunday. My heart goes out to you and your family. Little Maddie is such a gem, the light just shines from her. I imagine that is from her vibrant mommy. The only parenting advice I have is to not sweat the small things, but I’m sure you of all people know that. I also have to tell you that I heard “Holes in the floor of Heaven” (Collin Raye) on the radio in the car this morning and I cried thinking of you and Maddie. You are an amazing person, and an amazing dad, Maddie is so blessed to have you.
Your story is a reminder to all of the fragility of life and the beauty that can come out of such a tragedy. Many blessings to you and your amazing daughter in your journey forward.
Thank you for sharing it…it has and will continue to affect many lives. I feel as if it has brought me a new perspective on things.
Namaste
Matt, yet another stranger here. I’ve been following your blog for awhile now. Your daughter is beautiful. What an inspiration you are! Madeline is the luckiest baby in the universe to have a daddy like yourself. I find myself in tears when I read your blog, it’s so touching. You seem like such strong person & I applaud you! You should be very proud of yourself. My thoughts & prayers are with you & your family.
Hi Matt-
I have never met you, but my girlfriend was childhood friends of Liz, and I accompanied her to you and Liz’s wedding. My girlfriend and I have been dating long distance for three and a half years, and you two have always provided us with a hopeful example when we wonder why we are so crazy to keep on doing this. You guys have been the guiding light for us, reminding us that it’s worth it “because look how Matt and Liz got through it”.
What happened transcends words and nothing I can say will make things better. I’m truly sorry and very heartbroken for your loss. I have been reading your blog and pouring over your Flickr pictures, and it’s been very inspiring. You and Liz had a more remarkable life together before you were 30 than most people do in their entire lifetime. You should be very proud of that.
I hope that you continue to blog regularly, because as long as you keep writing I will keep reading. I get strength and inspiration every time I read a new post or see a new photograph. Your daughter Madeline is as beautiful a baby I have ever seen and she is very lucky to have such a father.
Sincerely,
Dean Peterson
petersoncinema@gmail.com
Matt,
I came across your blog through a different blog that I read each day. My heart goes out to you. I cannot even imagine what it would be like to be in your shoes. I will continue to pray for you and Maddy. She truly is a beautiful baby girl.
God Bless.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I have a friend who had something very similar happen to him when his baby boy was 3 months old. His wife died of an anurysm very suddenly and he was left to fend for himself and raise his little boy all on his own. After 5 years he did find a woman to love and married her and they had a daughter of their own and are a very happy family. So eventually there was a happy ending after unbelievable sorrow.