over the past
two days,
my site has been
taken offline multiple
times
by the fine people
at 1and1.com.
(with no explanation)
finally learned that
this site was sucking
30% of the bandwidth
from one server.
they told me to get
my own,
or go away.
or as they put it,
Your account activity has demonstrated that your site
deserves its own server to better suit its performance needs.
so i got my own..
we should remain
online for good
(i think).
thank you, everyone,
for getting my
site taken down.
it proves just how
much you all care.
Comments 46
I guess they only like blogs no one is interested in.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 1:21 pm ¶see - you are never alone.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 1:24 pm ¶Glad you are back! Hmph to your server people. Nice negative advertisement for them though.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 1:26 pm ¶We’re still here, Matt, strangers still causing server problems, still crying at our desks, but most importantly, still caring, and still cheering you and Madelyn on, still wishing we could do more.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 1:51 pm ¶Matt,
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 2:11 pm ¶I saw a post a week ago about your blog and got on to look.. I spent the next hour or so, reading the posts from before and catching up on your story. First, I want to say that I am so very sorry for your tragic loss. I know you must hear this often, but I hope that it brings you some comfort (if even for a second) to know that there are many people out here supporting you, even if we are only able to through your website.
I check in multiple times a day now to see if there are any new postings. I love watching you grow as a father and the love that is shown for Madeline. You will alwaus have that connection to Liz, through Madeline. As she continues to grow, you will see Liz in her more and more.. May it be small mannerisms or her looks– I hope that this brings you much joy.
I also wanted to mention that I spent an evening looking through all of the pictures of Liz– She was so beautiful. I particularly love the one of her in the posting below.
I just wanted to take this time to introduce myself and let you know that I think of you, Liz, and Madeline often.
Hi Matt,
I, like many others, saw your story in the Star Tribune. I have been thinking about you since I read the story and I just wanted to let you know that. I’m also praying. Madaleine is an angel! She is beautiful.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 2:11 pm ¶And we do all care. Really. I’ve told so many people your story, and we’re all grieving right along with you. It will get better one day … Liz would want that, you know? But not right now. Right now, it’s raw and miserable and hard as hell. But you keep on, you know? Your little girl loves you and needs you. You are her hero now, even if that cape doesn’t quite fit yet. It will. Be good to yourself, Matt. No one can take away your wonderful memories, and and, rest assured, there will be more one day.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 2:16 pm ¶Whatever we can do to help
Rachel
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 2:27 pm ¶On your temporary page:Your comment is awaiting moderation
So here it is in your new place, *REPEAT*
100,000 hits? Probably a good thing they didn’t all leave comments.
Thanks for the update on our/your downtime as some of us fans can get kinda panicky when we are hitting the refresh button for hours….
On a different note, from one sociologist to another, try reading from some of your theory books (the dryer the better) to Miss Madeline when she is cranky or overtired. They always managed to put me out like a light in no time flat! If that doesn’t work (and don’t be surprised if it doesn’t), try some dramatic reading from Shakespeare…or singing!! The sound of your voice is the key!
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 2:29 pm ¶Just think of all the love running through the internet wires to reach you and Madeline. Let’s see if we can blow out this server, too.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 2:50 pm ¶I’m a perfect stranger but I sit here in my home office - teardrops dropping on my 3 moth old’s head. I’m not sure why I keep coming back to this story - it breaks my heart. I have no words of comfort or advice. I just wanted to tell you that a family in Denver in keeping you in their thoughts and prayers.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 2:53 pm ¶I am new to your blog… and I wish it was under better circumstances. Wow, that doesn’t even sound right or ample for the situation at all.
I think Madeline is as lucky as she can be having a dad like you and the support system you have rallied around you. I wish I were half the mom you seem to be. I’m simply in awe of your strength even though you feel weak. So I’m going to hep crash your site as I check it daily and offer my anonymous support. I hope it helps in some way.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 3:14 pm ¶Hi Matt,
I found your website after reading the article about you, Liz, and Madeline on startribune.com. Probably not in the minority there
I clicked through to your blog and ended up reading the entire thing backwards, all the way back to the beginning. I sobbed. Not pretty, dabbing-my-eyes-with-a-delicate-tissue, but noisy pulling-up-the-hem-of-my-tshirt-to-wipe-both-eyes-at-once. You are a very talented writer but more than that, you are so wonderful for sharing this amazing, tragic, beautiful story. Thank you so much for showing all of us that we have so much to be thankful for. Madeline is so lucky to grow up with a wonderful parent like you.
I work for a “large consumer products company” and in our offices we have a *tonnnnn* of baby laundry detergent that I would love to send to you. Can you please email me with your address so that I can send off a care package my office has put together for you (after I shared your story with everyone on Monday)?
Thanks so much. I know this blog is therapeutic for you but I can tell you it’s done me a lot of good to read it as well.
Lindsay
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 3:14 pm ¶Matt,
I haven’t been the same since reading your story and blog on Sunday. I think about you and Madeline all the time; I check your blog; I feel a heaviness in my heart. And I’m a stranger to you. Your story has been particularly hard because of the randomness with which your family was struck. It could just as easily been me and my family. And it fucking sucks, because it shouldn’t be anyone’s family. I recently lost an uncle with whom I was really close. It didn’t feel like I was going to feel anything but sad for a really long time. And although that was (and continues to be somewhat) true, time helps little by little. I kind of hate that it does.
I’m glad you have such wonderful family and friends by your and Madeline’s side. And I’m so glad you have your blog to help you feel the pain and receive comfort from people who only want to send you love, wishes of happiness and really anything we can to let you know just how much we all care.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 3:22 pm ¶For once, a techno glitch that’s caused by an overflow of *kindness*! Thanks, Matt, for making it possible for us to continue to send our best thoughts mattward.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 3:24 pm ¶This is my first post, but I just wanted to let you know that your story’s traveled to NY. I check up on you and Madeline everyday and you’ve touched so many lives. Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. I’m glad your back!
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 3:26 pm ¶Hi Matt
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 3:30 pm ¶Please check this story similar to yours if you haven’t done it yet
28 year old Andrue smith of Tuczon, Arizona loses wife after giving birth to triplets this was just six months ago.
Hope you are doing a little better.
I just came across your blog on http://www.pcjm.blogspot.com and have spent my whole day here at work reading your family’s story with tears in my eyes. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. I will continue to follow the story. Liz was beautiful and will live on in your sweet beautiful baby.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 3:48 pm ¶Oh and one other thing, a bit of baby advice, a vibrating bouncer is WONDERFUL investment!!! If you don’t have one already, check them out! Both my kids loved theirs and would always calm down when in it.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 3:54 pm ¶She was beautiful. You are so very strong. Madeline is one lucky little girl. My heart goes out to you.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 4:06 pm ¶Matt, I found your blog through a message board I visit sometimes. I just wanted to let you know that I think about you and Madeline and Liz alot ever since I read your story. I cannot know how you feel, but I know from some experience that someday you will feel happy again. You will always have a piece of Liz in Madeline. And, I think you are doing a fantastic job with her! She is absolutely gorgeous. You are a great writer, and I am grateful that you are letting us in on your life. I hope knowing that we are all out here thinking of you and your family gives you some small comfort. Best Wishes Always. Christine
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 4:19 pm ¶I have sat here for the past 10 min looking at my cursor thinking of something to say. I mean what can you say that has not already been said a million times. I hope you have some comfort that so may people even complete strangers care alot about you and your family. Just by your words and your pictures you can see that your little girl is very lucky to have a dad like you. I am very sorry for your loss and I hope that you can continue to find the strength that you need to carry you through the day. Please take care, Melissa
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 4:54 pm ¶p.s. i am a photographer and i really like your pictures.
Matt,
I don’t know if you have seen Shawn Silvera’s wifes blog about her experience alone with two small children but I have found it to be very true to the grief experience and sense of loss. http://www.shawnsilvera.org/
You and her lost your spouses suddenly. My husband died of cancer at 42. I have three kids 17, 15, and 12.
I am coming up on the second anniversery and his birthday is this Sunday. I am feeling really sad about it. I miss him terribly and I am overwhelmed alot with this life changing experience I am having being a single parent.
I am sorry for your loss. Questions? Ask any time.
Leah Shiely Swenson
Mahtomedi MN 55115
PS great article in the paper! I blogged during my husbands illness, but I felt that the last two years was too personal to share with the greater community. It was all too painful.
These children give us hope and we have to get out of bed in the morning and take care of them. Someone still has to make the sandwiches. But I remember contemplting if I could vacume laying down, because I have been so exhausted to get everything done.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 5:05 pm ¶I know you don’t know me, but I think about you many times throughout the day and hope you are okay. Your strength is so inspiring. I imagine Liz is so proud of all that you are trying to do to make it through.
Sending you and Madeline all my positive energy,
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 5:15 pm ¶Amanda
I good friend of mine lost his wife in October at 28 years old. Car accident. Their daughter was just 11 months old. I have seen how he has suffered. Even being close to the situation, with two young daughters of my own, I can not imagine going it alone. I hope this helps you having all of these people reaching out and supporting you. Hopefully all of the thoughts for you and madeline and all the well wishes will help you through. From what I have read, you are an excellent dad and a really strong person. Please stay that way for that beautiful daughter you have.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 5:23 pm ¶I just want you to know that you and your little one are in my thoughts. Your blog was shared in a forum for Northeast Ohio women. My heart was instantly saddened. I’ve been hooked on your blog ever since.
I guess what I am saying… I am part of your bandwidth problem.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 5:28 pm ¶Hello precious family…..
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 5:31 pm ¶Just wanted to let you know we are rooting for you. God bless you and your entire family.
Lots of love from a Houston Mom
Hello Matt and Madeline,
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 5:48 pm ¶I just wanted to say I’m sorry for your loss. I, like so many others, read your blog every day (sometimes more than once a day). Thank you for sharing this time in your life with all of us strangers. Madeline is very lucky to have such a great dad and I hope one day you share this blog with her.
On a random note, I just figured out that I used to go to school in Minnesota with A.J.’s little sister andrea. It’s a small world, and you are lucky to have such great friends. Take care
You and Madeline are in our thoughts. I can’t begin to imagine what the past few weeks have been for you. But judging by the comments here and the 100,000+ hits your site has received - you are definitely not alone.
Even though I never knew Liz, I believe her spirit is reflected in your beautiful Madeline.
Wishing you peace.
T
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 5:57 pm ¶Matt, you handed my friend The Star Tribune deplaning in LA and told her to read it when she got home. She posted a link to your story and your website on her blog. I’ve spent most of my lunch hour and after work time pouring over your entries and photos. I have no idea what you must be going through right now, but wanted to offer my support. My father raised 9 children. I was a year old when my mother died at age 40 of ovarian cancer. I can’t say it was easy growing up even though I never knew my mother. No one ever took her place, maybe that’s why. My father was so torn up that he never wanted to talk about her. I took comfort in those memories and stories about her and needed to hear about her. I still do. I needed those memories to know that she was real and how she was a part of me. So, keep sharing those stories with little Madeline whether she can understand you yet or not. You will both take comfort in those memories of Liz. You and your little girl are in my thoughts and prayers and I will continue to be a follower of your story.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 6:09 pm ¶I am another stranger who helped crash your site. I am very touched by your story. Madeline is a beautiful little girl! You are doing a great job and I agree with Lindy….bouncer chairs are great for babies if you don’t have one yet!
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 6:11 pm ¶I could say ‘ditto’ to all who wrote before me. Basically, bad things DO happen to nice people. And there is carnage left behind for most of us to deal with. Yup–it sucks.
On a brighter note, Madeline is absolutely beautiful. (Okay, everyone else says that, too….maybe I’m just not very creative!)
Your journaling will one day be a very treasured gift to your daughter. I appreciate your humble honesty. As well as your smitten love for your daughter. And above all, your undying love for your wife.
Yeah….I’m another one of those keyboard cryers….
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 6:21 pm ¶reading your blog entry from yesterday reminds of the song “Still Close” by the Wood Brothers (off their Loaded album)… that album gives me a bit of comfort in my own grief process after losing someone close…maybe it will for you as well…
peace be with you…
http://bluenote.artiststaging.com/thewoodbrothers
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 6:38 pm ¶Matt - I saw your touching and courageous story in the Strib last week and haven’t been able to think about you guys since. I immediately thought of a Liz Goodman I knew way back when, at Camp Foley. I wanted to know if this was the same Liz and then I saw your most recent picture and it has to be her. I was older, in fact, a counselor when she was still a camper, but my heart goes out to you and your sweet Madeline. The faith, courage and patience you have shown so far will undoubtedly be some of her strongest traits. If you can confirm it’s the Liz from Camp Foley in Pine River (on the Whitefish Chain), I would love your permission to put a notice on the Alumni Site for old cabin mates and friends to keep you all in their thoughts and prayers. Mollie (Juelich) Wulff
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 6:56 pm ¶That’s the Matt I know, go big or don’t go at all!!! You have touched many people and I hope you feel not only supported but not alone. I hope your little lady had a good day today.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 7:11 pm ¶Much love, Sara
Matt,
We’re so sorry for breaking your site.
I guess it’s only fitting, since our thousands of hearts have broken.
Right along with yours.
Sleep well. Hold her. Breathe.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 7:11 pm ¶Hi Matt…Glad to see that you’ve got your own site now–and awesome to know that what caused it was such an outpouring of support. I hope that Madeline had a better day today. Those unhappy photos from yesterday definitely took me back to when my girls were that small. Hopefully all the tricks and advice helped calm her a bit…but there will definitely be more days like that. Definitely keeps you on your toes. You’re doing an amazing job. And, thanks for continuing to share your life with us.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 7:27 pm ¶I read about your story in the Trib on Sunday. I’m a new dad myself and feel horrible for your loss. It is amazing how life can change in an instant. We’re praying for you and Madeline. We pray that together you will get through this by just takin’ one day at a time.
Your notes are “humble and honest”(like someone mentioned above). I think it is great that you can so honestly admit that you don’t always have it all together these days. Just understand that nobody expects you to have it “all together”. We’re all hear listening.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 7:36 pm ¶Matt, I too lost my beloved wife tragically almost 10 years ago when my daughters were 2 and 5 years old. I was a complete wreck but the realisation that my daughters needed me even more kept me going. It had not been easy but we’ve survived thus far and I want to give you the encouragement that though things may seem very bleak right now, take it a step at a time and I’m sure you’ll do fine. I don’t think you’ll ever get over it but through the passage of time, you’ll eventually learn to live with it. There will always be sad moments but there can also be laughter; I believe my daughters were the ones who kept me “alive” and I believe your love for Madeline will similarly lift up your spirits amidst the grief. Take care, God bless and I wish you all the best.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 7:40 pm ¶I just wanted to say that I have been lurking on your blog for days. You, Liz and Madeline. I can’t imagine what you are dealing with, but I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and praying for you. Liz’s life has impacted mine unspeakably.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 8:33 pm ¶Matt, I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so sad how life can change in just a moment but I know Madeline will give you strength to go on.
I know you want to keep that precious little bundle close to you. I would love to send you a baby carrier to wrap her against you and keep her close to your heart. Please let me know if you would like one - it’s so different having them just against your beating heart and she will find comfort in being able to snuggle up and put her face against her daddy’s chest and have you close. you’ll never want to use a stroller again and she will be so happy.
you have so many people thinking of you and sending their energy and prayers, including us.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 8:35 pm ¶Dear Matt,
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 8:39 pm ¶I was getting a coffee last Sunday and for some reason was drawn to the Star Trib., which is odd since I never read the Trib. I saw the word widower and the picture of such a young couple and my heart sank. Matt I also was recently left a widower at the age of 30. My husband was tragically taken from me and my two children almost six months ago. I have read your entries and understand too well everything you talk about from the death certificates, the ridiculous check from social security, the pain in your loss, the worry about how to raise your child without your spouse and the million other things you are experiencing. Sometimes I feel this incredible sense to live and feel that my children are such a gift. Other times I’m left feeling helpless, alone, and pissed. I also have used the “F*ck” word many times over the last few months. There just is nothing else to sum it all up but that IT F*CKING SUCKS!!
Matt, I offer no words of wisdom. I hope that you will not feel quite as alone when you hear that I am experiencing a tragic loss just as you are and at such a young age. I am finding a comfort in knowing I can visit your blog and read that someone else is feeling the same way I am. Thank you for sharing your story.
Matt,
There is nothing that I can say that has not been said by all the visitors to your blog, but I want you to know that I am also so very sorry for your loss.
I found your blog through a message board I am engaged in and I find myself frequently over the course of every day fumbling through the entries and the photos you have organized in memory of Liz. A little glimpse into your life and your daily struggles without the love of your life leaves my tears on my desk; but I keep coming back.
Your daughter is so beautiful and she has grown so quickly over the past 5 weeks.
I have been saying a little prayer for you and Madeline each and every day since I was introduced into your tragedy, your lives.
Please take care of YOU and Madline and I’m sure that Liz is so very proud of you.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 10:23 pm ¶Hey there Matt. 2 days before your article was printed in the Startribune a friend of mine actually sent me the link to your page and told me to check it out. I bawled my eyes out. I am so sorry for your loss, but you the most precious gift Liz could have left you. Your daughter is beautiful. I can’t imagine what you are going thru but I must say I have shared your story myself with so many people. You see I work in a hospital in the ER and the Doc’s and I have chatted about your situation. At one point we were both very teary eyed. Others didn’t know what we were talking about and just gave us funny looks. I just wanted to relay my condolences and congratulations. You will be a wonderful father. Everyday I check in on you now. You and Madeline have become a daily routine. Though we’ve never met I feel very honored that you have shared your story with us. You and Madeline are in my prayers. Please take care. Eventually there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Leesha~Plymouth, MN
Posted 01 May 2008 at 2:00 am ¶I have to tell you that I determined last evening that I could no longer allow myself to go onto your website any longer as I feel myself hurting all day long. But yet, here I am …
Posted 01 May 2008 at 4:24 am ¶My life had been filled with tragedy in my earlier years. Don’t know why that is - why some lives seem to get hit and others not. Anyways, for what it is worth, my heart hurts for you. Love that little girl, be kind to your hurting heart and soul. Grab onto all who are there to help and reach out when you need to. Your main responsibility now is to get yourself okay and healthy to enable yourself to be a 24/7 daddy to that precious little one. She is a lucky little girl as it is very evident that she will definitely know her mommy through you. One moment at a time.
Matt and Madeline,
Another stranger here. Matt, I wanted to let you know that you have an incredible strength and a lot of supporters. Please know that you have touched my heart and my life so much with your story. You truly are a beautiful soul. Madeline is a lucky girl to have and amazing daddy.
My thoughts are with you and Madeline and I will continue to read and support your blog.
From a supporter in Chicago
Posted 08 May 2008 at 10:38 am ¶Post a Comment