(only one week until her actual due date).
madeline is bigger
i know you know that,
but i am slower to realize
’cause i see her everyday.
but
she’s bigger.
and now
i can feel it
(she’s getting heavy).
birthday week #6
started
this morning when i
picked madeline up
and out of her bassinet
and found she had a trail
of dried spit-up
running from her lips
to the backside of her head.
she also had
peed through her diaper
and her onesie.
(seriously…time for the bigger diapers)
what a mess.
i cleaned her up
and decided it was
time for a little
kangaroo-style tummy time.
no one told me
it was going to hurt.
let’s just say
it would have been
easier
(and faster)
to simply get my
chest waxed.
later we went to the bank
(my favorite teller was m.i.a.).
made it home
just in time to
have lunch with diane and cameron.
we talked books,
music,
and the soup
(all nice diversions).
they left.
the bastard arrived.
we found the robot
asleep
in the backyard.
and then the bastard
posed with the robot,
next to the trash cans.
got some mail today…
onesies from the shoberg/goodman grandparents
(gifts for birthday week 6 of 52)
(thanks),
a check from
the social security administration
to help make
up for the loss of
liz
(thanks, america!),
and a bunch of books
from a new friend in nyc.
(thanks, ginny…can’t wait to get to that fante reader).
later…
more visitors.
catherine with another
madeline gift.
and shyam from infy
who met the robot
and
translated one of
the fortunes
(finally a kannada speaker in my house)!
here is the translation:
there is nothing to fear, you will get back what you give. give good and you will get back good. give bad and you will get back bad. the gods have planned everything for you in life so go ahead and take your steps without fear.
awesome.
the robot is an optimistic robot.
monday was a
lot better than sunday,
but tuesday will be
worse than monday…
(they always are).
Comments 34
It’s so sad how little value our country puts on human life. $255.00 for a spouse who passed away. I find that really sad. . . (and a little pathetic I may add)
You are obviously a wonderful Dad, and your daughter is absolutely gorgeous. Checking your blog has become a daily ritual for me, and I can’t even tell you how many people I’ve told about it. It’s just another one of those situations that makes us all realize how precious life is, and how at any second of any day, our lives can be forever changed.
I’m pretty sure almost the entire state of MN is checking this blog on a daily basis. Thanks for letting us into your life.
Posted 06 May 2008 at 5:38 am ¶Well, I dunno about everyone else, but I must’ve checked in on you about a kasquillion times yesterday, hoping for an update like this one — an update that showed that Monday was a little better than Sunday night.
I didn’t realize yesterday was Maddy’s birthday, AND Cinco de Mayo! That explains the condition of the robot. (Altho why he’s drinking Barefoot Chard, I dunno. I imagined him being more of a scotch man, myself…)
Thanks for the update and the awesome pix! I can already hear the Minnesotans’ OOOOHs and AHHHHHHs over that first photo…
Posted 06 May 2008 at 5:41 am ¶Diversions….this is what it is all about. Little emotional and mental breaks that help balance. However, the Robot took that to extremes! He reminds me of the gnome that postcards home on his various journeys…..He is doing a great job at bringing smiles to the faces of your strangers. Thanks Matt for thinking about us and knowing we needed that!
Posted 06 May 2008 at 5:47 am ¶Matt- another stranger here who has been following your blog. I know you may not feel very strong but you are VERY strong and your strength simply amazes me. My heart goes out to you and your beautiful daughter. Liz is PROUD of you for being the amazing father that you are. Real men do what it takes in the midst of everything that my seem wrong around them. You’re a real man and Madeline will expect it from every man she meets. Thank you for setting the bar high! God bless you both.
Tori
Posted 06 May 2008 at 5:53 am ¶Another ‘addict’ from MN. With my first cup of coffee I check in on you first thing each morning. Thinking of you today. I pray Mondays continue to have joy and Tuesdays get easier.
Great photo in the MN onesie! Also, great photos of the flowers- are all those in your yard? You have a good eye for photography.
Posted 06 May 2008 at 6:00 am ¶Your baby has beautiful, wise eyes. She makes the robot’s sunny pronouncements seem a lot more real.
Grow, Madeline, grow!!
Posted 06 May 2008 at 6:04 am ¶The robot looks drunk!
Happy Birthday Maddy!
Posted 06 May 2008 at 6:13 am ¶love the robot…..
Posted 06 May 2008 at 6:17 am ¶~g
I really like all the pictures you take. You’re very good. I love taking pictures too but mine aren’t are nice/cool as yours. I’ll have to practice more.
Yesterday I stopped at a portrait studio to pick up pics of my girls. I saw this picture hanging in the store and thought of you and Madeline. I thought the middle picture was really sweet - especially if Liz’s ring on your pinky. Just thought I’d pass that thought along to you. Have a wonderful day!
http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g315/ajrondo/0505081423.jpg
Posted 06 May 2008 at 6:17 am ¶Wow, she is getting bigger - I can tell.
Posted 06 May 2008 at 6:47 am ¶Happy 6 weeks to Madeline. She is adorable.
I am keeping tabs on you and your life these days. I am touched by how lovingly you speak about your wife and daughter. You are a very rare human being that is able to open up to the world in such a vulnerable way. I so appreciate your willingness to share your life with those of us in this online world. At times it can feel so disconnected but something about you and your story has resonated with me.
I will be celebrating my first Mother’s Day this year and feel blessed to have a little one in my life. Hearing your story makes me appreciate so much more the precious life that I have brought into this world, as well as my health and my husband’s.
I so appreciate that you use a kangaroo wrap with your daughter, giving her the warmth that she needs to thrive, it is amazing how commited and attentive you are to your daughter’s needs. It must feel good to give her all your love, it is the most amazing kind. Your wife is surely looking down on you realizing that she pickedd the best possible partner in this world to deal with this truly sad situation. You are handling it with more grace and poise than one would expect.
It is such a terrible loss and I know nobody can take your pain away, but I do hope you find peace in this life. You truly inspire me! Hope the 6 week birthday was amazing!! Hope Madeline starts to smile for you soon….it is one of the most amazing things to see your child smile, especially since she looks so much like your beautiful wife. Take care!
Posted 06 May 2008 at 6:50 am ¶Matt, I am caught reading about your blog every day and then I write about it on mine. I can’t even imagine what you might be going through, but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers everyday. Madeline is so beautiful-hat eme for saying it but she looks just like her Mom. Liz is gorgeous too, I hope you know she is watching over you. The quote you had in today’s blog, was truly beautiful. hold on to that.
I think you should get in contact with the blog that is written by the Pioneer Women, I have a link from it to mine or go to it at http://thepioneerwoman.com/ She gets her blog powered by endorsements and things, I was thinking it might be something you want to consider… staying at home, runnign your blog? thought maybe it would be a cool job? you already do it, get paid or endorsed for it!
You have touched so many of us. I am truly saddened by the government and their idea of what life is worth. UNREAL!
Keep your head up.
Posted 06 May 2008 at 7:19 am ¶Marilyn -MN
She’s beautiful. This Minnesotan was definately oohhing and ahhhing
Posted 06 May 2008 at 7:21 am ¶Glad to hear the week started off better! Tuesdays will be tough for a while, I imagine…but I’m glad there’s a Monday to make up for it.
Madeline is growing by leaps and bounds, and soon she’ll be smiling, laughing, and be all kinds of interactive. That will be a wonderful time for you…I promise.
Posted 06 May 2008 at 7:38 am ¶Have you tried the Huggies Overnights (diapers)? They are great (although I think the smallest size is 3 which might be too big for your Madeline - for the time being).
Posted 06 May 2008 at 7:46 am ¶Yet another MN lurker. I think Leah is right–you’ve got all of MN reading along and going through this journey with you and wishing we could help.
Madeline is a beautiful baby and so very lucky to have you. I don’t know if you read through all your comments, but I would like to send something for her, if possible.
Thank you for sharing your story and your gorgeous baby with us and know that you have a whole lot of strangers in MN ready to help in any way we can.
Posted 06 May 2008 at 7:50 am ¶Beautiful, BEAUTIFUL Madeline…Happy Birthday!! Cherish every minute of her…as I am sure you do…she’ll grow up too fast. You are lucky to have such a fantastic ‘family’ of support.
Awesome picture Madeline…love your taste of style!
Posted 06 May 2008 at 8:10 am ¶Sending our love and prayers from MN!!!
Happy birthday little one! Children grow so fast, I can already see a difference in her face a bit. They change so quickly. I love the photos. The MN onsie is perfect as is the little one wearing it! Another MN mama here who stops by daily to read. The robot in asleep in the yard is so funny.
Thinking of you and Madeline often!
Posted 06 May 2008 at 8:22 am ¶Lisa
I’d like to send you a package if possible also. Could you email me and let me know where to send it?
Thank you!
Posted 06 May 2008 at 8:25 am ¶Lisa
Lookit her grow! That picture of her w/the binky in her mouth and those beautiful blue eyes…she is the spitting image of her mommy Liz. What a sweet, gorgeous girl Madeline is!
Keep yer chin up Matt!
Posted 06 May 2008 at 8:27 am ¶Matt,
Love the pictures! you are doing an awesome Job.
I have 3 cans of formula that I would love to send you. They are justing sitting in my pantry. My daugter never used them.
Where could I send them?
Have a good tues.
Jen
Posted 06 May 2008 at 8:41 am ¶I look forward to your blog every morning. My daughter is now involved in your story as well. She is 8 and her name is Frances. We’d like to send you something if you don’t mind another package. Could you send your address?
Thanks
Posted 06 May 2008 at 8:56 am ¶Firstly, Happy Belated Birthday Madeline! 6 is soooo much better than 5. All the ‘fives’ suck - twenty-five, thirty….
Secondly, I had done a little research when I got my $255 when my Dad passed away. When it was 1st established, in something like 1939, it was supposed to help families w/ funeral costs - and the avg funeral at the time was $150 (I hope I’m remembering this right).
Anyhoo, the feds set a standard of $255 in the 50’s and it’s been that way ever since. In 2000, it was oddly the same amount as the Neptune Societies cremation service. At that time, I remember thinking that that was just the strangest thing - I mean it was exactly $255.
I sense a $255 Obama donation is on it’s way - that has a nice ironic quality to it; Bush supports Obama. I like it! But then again, baby needs onesie’s and the robot needs more wine - or aspirin at any rate.
Have a GREAT day you two!
Posted 06 May 2008 at 9:02 am ¶I am thinking about you both today as my own two babies are growing inside my womb. You give me hope in a society that doesn’t offer a lot it anymore.
I grieve more for your wife, that she is missing this amazing journey, rather then you, who are knee deep…chest deep…covered over completely in the loss of her. I grieve for her. It is a fathers job to smell the stink of a baby (the reality in a haze of postpartum bleeding milky mom) and it is the mothers job to smell the sweet tangy baby with dried milk under her chin and a sweaty head, knowing that there is nothing that has ever smelled so sweet in all her life. I am so sad for you, and I am so sad for your daughter, but God… I am really fuckin’ sad for Liz.
Posted 06 May 2008 at 9:27 am ¶Matt — I am a friend of Ken’s. When I saw him over the weekend he told me about your ordeal. All I can say is I am so sorry. There really isn’t much else to say, because everyone grieves differently. As Ken was telling me a bit about your story, I was heartbroken, so I decided to read your story for myself. I also have to admit I got a little freaked out, as I am 20 weeks pregnant myself. But I’m trying not to think about that. I want to be strong for my little one and I want to be strong for you. I have never met you, but after reading your story, I feel like I know you. I live in your area and if you ever need anything, just let me know. Maybe someday our little ones can have a play date.
Posted 06 May 2008 at 9:54 am ¶Madeline is absolutely beautiful. Take good care of her and make her Mommy proud. Liz may not be there with you in body, but she will always be with you in spirit. Every time little Maddie smiles, it is Liz’s joy and radiance coming through.
Happy, happy birthday, Maddy!! No partying with the robot, though. Judging by the photograph, he might be a bit of a shady influence for such an impressionable little lady as yourself.
Posted 06 May 2008 at 10:02 am ¶i read and grieve alongside of you. truly, i ache for your loss and also rejoice in your beautiful daughter. i wanted to tell you, though, that on this tuesday i am thinking of you and sending you peaceful prayers.
Posted 06 May 2008 at 10:07 am ¶Dear Friends of Matt and Madeline:
I know that your comments, thoughts, prayers, wishes, packages and gifts have been immeasureably helpful to Matt and to those of us who were close to her, during this time of grief. This outpouring of sympathy has helped reinforce our knowlege that Liz was a magical person and a truly special soul who is still touching people 6 weeks after her tragic death.
Posted 06 May 2008 at 10:28 am ¶Another stranger who is thinking of you and your sweet girl daily…She’s lucky to have such a great dad, and I hope that time brings you comfort and Madeline brings you joy. Hugs from Nashville…
(I, too, would like to send something… if you’re sharing your address…)
Posted 06 May 2008 at 10:37 am ¶First of all, I am terribly sorry for your loss. I also want to congratulate you for the birth of your beautiful and healthy daughter. I appreciate you sharing your journey. I stumbled upon your blog at the recommendation of some of my former students who graduated with you from HHS. If you could email me the name of a few of your favorite teachers here, I would like to pass on your blog address to them. I know that they would be interested. Take care. Terri (Carlson) Osland, HHS Teacher
Posted 06 May 2008 at 10:42 am ¶All of MN is reading because there aren’t that many people brave enough to live in the weather there!
This CA reader agrees with a doula in Minnesota. And I’m sad every single day that Liz won’t be at our 10 year college reunion, showing off her gorgeous toddler. But, I’m hoping and praying that you and Maddy will be there… in a couple years. Put it on your calendar now, Matt!
Posted 06 May 2008 at 10:53 am ¶Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Mata ah-oo hima de
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Himitsu wo shiri tai
You’re wondering who I am-machine or mannequin
With parts made in Japan, I am the modren man
I’ve got a secret I’ve been hiding under my skin
My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain I.B.M.
So if you see me acting strangely, don’t be surprised
I’m just a man who needed someone, and somewhere to hide
To keep me alive-just keep me alive
Somewhere to hide to keep me alive
I’m not a robot without emotions-I’m not what you see
I’ve come to help you with your problems, so we can be free
I’m not a hero, I’m not a saviour, forget what you know
I’m just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control
Beyond my control-we all need control
I need control-we all need control
I am the modren man, who hides behind a mask
So no one else can see my true identity
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo…domo
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo…domo
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo…domo
Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For doing the jobs that nobody wants to
And thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For helping me escape just when I needed to
Thank you-thank you, thank you
I want to thank you, please, thank you
The problem’s plain to see: too much technology
Machines to save our lives. Machines dehumanize.
The time has come at last
Posted 06 May 2008 at 2:44 pm ¶To throw away this mask
So everyone can see
My true identity…
I’m Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy!
More unsolicited advice… As a first-time Mom last year, it took me a few diaper size transition periods to realize that when blowouts begin to occur, it’s time to move up a size. And, pay NO attention to weight measurements on the packages…my little girl always moved up a size when she seemed to still be “in the weight range” of her current diapers. She was (and is) long and lean. Ah, the messy learning of parenthood.
Do tuck one of those teeny, tiny diapers into a drawer before you move on. In the months ahead, you will marvel at how Madeline could have ever been small enough to fit in such a little diaper. It’s a wonderful reminder of the miracle of a child’s growth — and it is every bit as miraculous and healthy whether that child is breastfed or formula-fed. I wish that you and Liz could have shared all the marvels and mundane moments of parenthood together. She is with you. And, you continue to be in our thoughts.
Posted 06 May 2008 at 8:42 pm ¶That drunken robot is really starting to grow on me!
Posted 06 May 2008 at 9:45 pm ¶Post a Comment