taken at
the broback wedding.
two weeks
(including a trip to greece)
after ours.
i think i have
a new favorite
photo of
liz.
i talked to the
male broback
about this
and we’re sure
she’s
waving to someone
who was a complete
stranger to her
just hours earlier.
everyone was
her best friend.
i can’t get enough of
that shot.
this is truly
who she was.
(to the female broback - thank you).
wednesday was a blur.
realized on the way
to the doctor today
that i can now
drive in the carpool lane
all the time.
(thanks, madeline).
arrived at the dr. office.
and was recognized
by a couple with
their baby.
i didn’t know them.
they said,
we know you. (pointing at madeline) that is madeline and you are matt. we read your blog everynight.
so nice.
but
what a weird feeling.
known throughout so. cal.
and the mpls
for our grief.
(this appt. was for me so no update on madeline’s weight/length).
since last week.
i’ve lost 2 lbs 8 oz. and
my height remained the same.
(i don’t grow like maddy does).
had an awesome
talk with the dr.
she’s very supportive
though
she thinks i look
like shit.
(just compare the photo above of matt the smaller to the one of matt the larger at the top of this post).
i’ve promised to
work on that.
ronny and michele dropped
the male broback
and some food
off at our house.
before heading home,
michelle held madeline
(she didn’t want to give her up)
and placed a
good luck red envelope
on baby.
once again,
(former) strangers are kind.
the male broback arrived
with a lot of gifts
(including the photo at the top of the post).
he’s here
to keep me company
and to learn some
daddyin’ skills.
lots of visitors…
katie arrived with
gifts,
in-n-out burgers
and madeline’s future boyfriend,
chef nicole came with
more food
(what a great cook),
the male beecher and
the female beecher
arrived with music.
and finally
came carrying indian food.
amy and
the male broback
let me talk about
life and death,
trying to keep pace
with my convoluted thoughts
for way too long.
awesome listeners
with great perspectives.
this is really happening
and it’s going to be
okay.
Comments 68
Folks in the va are thinking about you, too. Take care of that sweet baby girl.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 4:18 am ¶matt,
Posted 08 May 2008 at 5:06 am ¶i just discovered your blog yesterday and spent hours reading and rereading it and crying over and over again. i am sure you don’t want to hear that you are an inspiration to so many because really, you didn’t choose this, but you are. late last night i found myself what madeline was doing at that moment, and if you were getting any rest…through the internet i have found a new hero - and i don’t take them lightly.
continued prayers and thought headed your way…
Dear Matt & Madeline
I’m a former mn who lives in fl (18 yrs) and follows the star & trib…
Madeline is so lucky to have you…and vise versa
I agree…this would have to be a favore pic of Liz…although I never knew her I can feel her love in that pic.
I think all the suggestions for the ss $ are great… but just think it has to be something very different… had a thought early this a.m. about naming a star and following it with Madeline… I’ve never done this but there are many web sites with info that I’m sure you’ll be able to check out if you’d like
As I read your day-by-day with Madeline I can’t help but think this log of life will truley be the greatest gift of all for Madeline someday… I can’t think of any other way she could possibly know more about her beautiful mother than your words.
doris
Posted 08 May 2008 at 5:08 am ¶Matt-As Im reading your posts, I can’t help but think that all of this must feel so surreal to you. How a life can change in a moments time….Its got to be hard to even get our head around at times, I’d imagine. I look forward to reading your posts every day, but I also feel like its horrible intrusive at times. I imagine, when you started writing this, that it was a place where friends and family could know what was going on with you, not a place where the whole world could see into your life. Yet, I still can’t stop reading it now, because 1) your writing is fantastic, 2) I love your taste in music (ok totally unrelated but true nonetheless) and 3) for some weird reason it makes me feel better to know that you and Madeline are ok. Isn’t that strange? I guess thats how most people feel, though. I just don’t want people (me included) to take this beautiful thing of yours (this site) and make it into some “American Idol”-ish cutural phenomenon. Like Oprah appearances and book options and movies, etc. I could see this happening… I just don’t think thats what you intended. Its got to feel weird to suddenly have this “celebrity status” for what it surely the most tragic event in your life. Its good to know that the outcome has been postitive, no crazies coming out of the woodwork. Maybe Im just too much of a cynic but I worry about that happening..stalker women, etc.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 5:10 am ¶I so hope that everyone respects your situation and any outpouring of love is pure for Madeline’s sake…I want to be able to read this but still respect your privacy and I’m not so sure how to do that. (Posting all this probably wasn’t it, huh?). Anyway, I’ll wrap up my shit here by saying that Maddie looks so great and it is so apparent that she is loved beyond words. Take care of yoursef…..
Is Miss M cooing? I love that pic. So cute.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 5:18 am ¶…and it is going to be okay…
Love you both
Yeah, you do kind of look like crap (she said as gently as possible). But I’d be surprised if someone in your shoes DIDN’T look like crap. THAT would be cause for concern. You look tired and sad.
And that picture of you and Liz at the wedding is great! I’m glad that photo gave you some comfort (for lack of a more appropriate word).
Of course, I didn’t need to see that photo to get a really good idea of the kind of person she was — the story in the Strib, the outpouring of love and support and grief from your friends and family: It’s obvious you landed a pretty awesome chick.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 5:22 am ¶Matt are you not eating all the fabulous food people are bringing you? You need to eat to be healthy for your fabulous daughter. Have you thought about joining some sort of grief support group? take care
Posted 08 May 2008 at 5:34 am ¶Matt, I think you look pretty good, considering.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 5:58 am ¶I only found your blog yesterday, but went back to the start and read it all. My heart breaks for you, but I wanted to say that I think you are giving Madeline an incredible gift in writing this blog.
For her to be able to look back on this and read about how you felt about her mum, about her, and what a difficult time this has been for you is wonderful.
I thought the idea of buying a memory box and filling it with Liz’s treasured bits, clothes that smell like her and hold special memories was an awesome idea to give Madeline when she’s older.
You’re an incredible person Matt, and Madeline is beautiful. Thanks for sharing your story, you have touched our hearts.
Jo
Even to a complete stranger (like me), looking at photos of Liz, you can sense the happiness about her. You can sense how happy and in love you were in that photo.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 6:10 am ¶Hi Matt, Lurker, stalker, un-known friend from Mtka. Yes, everything will be ok. Looking at the innocence and beauty of Maddy will always remind you of that. You are a celebrity in said areas. I am certain that you are going to be a trailblazer in helping others that find themselves in the midst of tradedy and unexpected life changes. After reading your blog and getting to “know” you, I sure would want you on my team. That photo of Liz is wonderful - excitement, beauty and an unknown capture of true feelings. Squeezes to you and Madeline.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 6:19 am ¶I know that all of your friends (your new virtual ones too!) and your family are thrilled to see the words “it’s going to be ok”, here on your blog this morning! I know this isn’t the path you would have chosen for yourself, Madeline or Liz, but yes, it will be ok! Good for you!!!! Take it one week…one day…and sometimes, one hour at a time.
As for your weight loss, I don’t think you look like shit, just like you’ve lost your baby weight. Do take time to take care of yourself.
…from another stranger…praying for you and cheering you on daily…all the way from North Carolina.
Lisa
Posted 08 May 2008 at 6:31 am ¶Hi Matt,
I’m a new reader but I just wanted to say that picture of Liz is so enlightening as to who she must have been…not only to you but to the world….beautiful.
Hugs to you and Madeline as you find your way through this journey…
Posted 08 May 2008 at 6:34 am ¶Your last sentence has me sobbing. Grief can make us all do crazy things, even if we’ve never met the person we’re grieving for.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 6:49 am ¶Matt - I saw this poem for mom’s and just changed it to dad’s because I think you can relate to this as well. Hope you like it.
Judy
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 7:03 am ¶I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Dad.
Before I was a Dad—-
I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn’t know that bond between a father and his child.
I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Dad—
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Dad.
I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Dad.
Matt - by the way I think I know where all the weight you lost went,
Posted 08 May 2008 at 7:06 am ¶to my hips, ass & stomach ha ha…
Thanks
That is a beautiful shot of Liz. You can see what kind of a soul she is.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 7:16 am ¶Matt,
I was just pointed to your website and felt moved to write. It really does just fucking suck. Next Tuesday is my birthday - my 31st (and that’s years, not weeks I’m afraid…). I’ll be thinking of you on Tuesday. On that day 31 years ago (it was a Friday… Friday the 13th if you can believe that) my mom had a pulmonary embolism too. Flatlined. Saw the light and spoke to God. The reason I know that last part is because we got her back. We were lucky. 17 years, 7 months and 7 days later we lost her to cancer. But I knew we were still lucky.
The story from my dad was that they handed him to be as I was born but then, well, they had bigger fish to fry. They tried to get me out of his arms to clean me off and weigh me and all that, but he refused. He refused to let go of me because he couldn’t bear to lose us both. I never forget that. He could do nothing at that point but make me as safe as he could, hold me close. He has done it to this day, despite all the ups and downs in between. I see that in you.
People ask in the wake of tragedy “how do you do it?” You know that now. You just do it. It really fucking sucks but you have no choice. You do what you can. You find joy in her smile. You stand in awe of how your family, friends, strangers rise up to meet you. And you keep breathing, walking, crying. You are brave and strong. Thank you for sharing this.
Madeline will be amazing. She already is. She will never lack. You won’t screw it up any more than you would have if Liz were with you every step of the way. I promise you that. Liz is working through all of us to make sure that is true. Thanks for this gift of sharing Liz, Madeline and yourself with us.
Peace,
Mollie
p.s. What the hell is it with those social security checks? My mom paid in for 52 years and what they pay out is hardly enough to buy a robot.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 7:23 am ¶Your before and after pictures make me cry, My heart truly breaks for you and your family … I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful wife … Please give Madeline a Hug from me, she is so cute and it looks to me like she is going to look like Liz …
Posted 08 May 2008 at 7:32 am ¶So much I want to say.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 7:40 am ¶Matt… I am certain I dont have to tell you this however, you have AMAZING friends. I have been following your blog for about two weeks now. My heart breaks for you and Madeline. YOU are doing a great job “daddying her”. Please take care of yourself.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 7:58 am ¶The picture of you and Liz is amazing! What a wonderful reminder that pictures capture moments that we often forget and even though they are one dimensional, they describe character in a way that is sometimes hard to decipher in words.
With all that yummy food coming through your house, you’re bound to eventually gain a few pounds!
That is neat that you bumped into a blog reader at the doctors! I was in Pasadena on Tuesday, and as odd as it may sound, I thought of you, Liz, and Maddie.
Hoping Thursday give you peace…Tara
Posted 08 May 2008 at 8:03 am ¶you are just amazing, and i have to commend your friends for just rocking it out in the hardest time…they are amazing.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 8:20 am ¶i felt a twinge of hope when you said it was going to be ok. i’m so sorry you lost your precious, beautiful liz. that is not fair. but you will make it through this time, and with a gorgeous daughter, to boot. lots of people pulling for you.
You could have closed yourself off without letting anyone in and you have done the opposite even though you are in just as much pain…..yes because of this …it is real, raw and is happening but yes you will be okay. So proud of you. If anyone could handle this with such openess and grace…..it has been you….it shows your true character. Nevermind the moments you crumble…that is what makes you human and you need to. Weight is a funny thing….Try to keep an appetite and for what it is worth…..you look pretty damn good…..you’re bound to lose weight…..
Posted 08 May 2008 at 8:45 am ¶Beautiful picture.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 8:46 am ¶Matt,
Posted 08 May 2008 at 9:04 am ¶I am another one of those complete strangers that has been drawn into your story. Your story is a true inspiration to me. I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through. You are a remarkable dad and husband! A few friends of mine have collected formula checks that we would like to give you to help you and Madeline. Is there a way to get them to you? My husband works at the Burbank Yahoo so let me know if there is someone to hand them off to there or if you feel comforatable giving out your address. I’d love to be able to help in any way. So please let us all know if you need anything.
My thoughts are with you everyday! Thank you for sharing your story.
The picture of Liz is absolutely breathtaking.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 9:05 am ¶dood you don’t look like shit- it is all relative-
i would like to see comparative pictures of new dads and people who have experienced losses- I bet you’d hold yer own in some mourning- fathering run way competition.
I was thinking- Should you ever feel like seeking support of someone who may be able to relate somewhat to your situation- it might seem an odd resource.
*but*
http://www.asiasbulletin.com/
Asia is more than a beautiful porn star- she is a wonderful momma to two- and at eight months pregnant wiht her son- with a one year old at home- she lost her husband in a car accident.
She is a very personable individual- I think should it ever strike you to chat wiht another who may have some coping words of wisdom-
Posted 08 May 2008 at 9:06 am ¶or give you what i think anyone would need-
permission to not cope.
I think she might be helpful to you.
Include St. Louis Missouri in your “what a weird feeling. known throughout so. cal. and the mpls.”
Thanks for openning up your world to others… I believe when we are able to see the true feelings of others we become more aware of our own lives and are changed for the good.
Keep on keeping on.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 9:14 am ¶daVid
Oh, Matt…I don’t even know you, but I was SO relieved to read that last sentence today. I have been worried about you…this is the most positive I have seen you for a while. Thank God you have such wonderful friends and supporters, to listen, talk, and give perspective. You are really lucky there.
Ah, what the hell am I saying…?! Luck has nothing to do with having good friends…you’ve obviously BEEN a good friend also or these people wouldn’t be helping you now.
That’s a great picture of Liz…I know others have said it, but what a great way this blog will be someday for Madeline to get to know her mom, while it is still all so fresh in your mind.
I’ve never met you, but must agree that you do look kind of shitty. : )
I read with interest Maureen from PA’s post, because I must confess that the same thing has crossed my mind…in terms of you becoming a mini-celebrity out of all of this, I mean. I could so easily envision Oprah picking up on this story, someone optioning your life for a movie-of-the-week, etc. You have opened yourself up to so much, and I hope people respect that by not taking too much advantage of it.
In the meantime, thanks for letting us in. I know you’re not doing it for “us,” the nameless, faceless masses out here…it’s for you (and for Madeline). But know that we also are getting something out of it, and you are reaching out to many.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 9:26 am ¶Matt,
Madeline’s looking so very good, all plump and rosy in your arms in that last photo. She doesn’t look like a preemie any more at all.
And now (and I do hope you’ll forgive the presumption) . . .
from the bottom of this Italian girl’s heart . . .
eat, my friend. You’ve gotta eat.
I know it might be that nothing tastes good. I know you must be utterly exhausted (I’ve got two kids of my own). I know — having lost weight like this while grieving, myself — how incredibly hard it can be to take care of yourself when so many things seem like so much bigger a deal than regular meals.
And that’s why I know a good badgerin’ from a nice well-meaning busybodying Italian relative, or friend (and I am far-off and barely-known-to-you, but I offer this in warm friendship and I hope that’s good enough) can be awfully important. Or at least, it sure was to me.
If it’s hard to face a full plate, then maybe try a snack — something not insignificant — every time you feed Madeline. But one way or another, you’ve got to eat.
With love, and faith in your ability to do what needs doing, from an annoying mother-hen –
garrity
Posted 08 May 2008 at 9:40 am ¶Wow, Let’s thank the stars for these awesome friends of yours. Thank you to the Logelin friends that help Matt out in all your ways.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 9:51 am ¶Matt, This isn’t my first post, but there is something I want you to know. Every morning when I wake up, I walk to the computer to find out how your previous day went. Don’t worry, I’ve been doing this long before I started reading your blog. What I want you to know is that every morning, I wake up and check to see how you are. You are the first one I check on in the morning. My baby girl still sound asleep, same with my husband. I know my day will get very busy in a few minutes, but my thoughts start out with your family, your Madeline, your Liz and with hopes that you have a good day, find more laughter and less tears. And know that even though your heart may be aching terribly, you’re never alone.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 9:51 am ¶You DO have amazing friends. It’s hard to support people thru great tragedy, especially when y’all are so young and unaccustomed to such things. Y’know, you’re a different guy now, and you can’t go back to being that other guy, in that other life… Your friends are awesome for making their peace with that and trying their best to see you thru.
Later on tonight, in my kitchen, I’m crackin’ open a bottle of hooch and toasting MATT’S FRIENDS. Here’s to you, guys (and gals)!!!
Posted 08 May 2008 at 10:02 am ¶I’m a long time reader, first time poster/stranger… not really much to say other than I’m so sorry.
I want to thank you for sharing your life with complete strangers - it does make a difference. I’m a newlywed and because of you and this blog I now look over at my new husband and appreciate him a little more than I did the day I married him.
The other night we were lying in bed, him watching tv and me reading your blog. I started to cry, and I put the computer down and just put my head on my husband’s chest. I laid there silently crying and hugging him while he watched tv - he didn’t know I was crying, and I didn’t tell him. He said “allergies?” and I said “yes” because I wanted that moment to just be about you and liz, not us.
my thoughts are with you,
Posted 08 May 2008 at 10:03 am ¶bryn from orange county
Your friend sitting on the toilet looks very afraid of the robot. Laugh. It made me giggle.
The photo of you and liz speaks loudly of who she was. What a beautiful photo and gift you were given with that photograph.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 10:04 am ¶I want to take away your pain.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 10:22 am ¶I’ve never felt this helpless for a complete stranger before.
Thank you for sharing this with the world.
As a mother please know that everything as far as parenting goes gets easier with time, espeically when their personalities start to show through and a simple giggle or look will take away the days trouble…it’s truely amazing!
Please take care!
Melissa in No. Cal.
Hi Matt…add Texas to the expanding list of states you have touched! I’m another stranger…found out about your story from friends of mine that work at Candee’s firm in “the Mpls” (I worked there years ago and grew up in MN). I read your post every day and think about you guys often. It is weird, isn’t it…to think about someone every day I don’t even know? Sounds like you have fantastic support from your friends, family…and strangers. Yes, you will be ok. Liz looks like a wonderful woman, and you can tell she’d be a friend to everyone. I can just feel her positive energy from her pictures. Take care.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 10:35 am ¶3 things you have got to work on. Make it simple silly
1. eat (get yourself some sport shakes and have one everytime you feed Madeline)
Posted 08 May 2008 at 10:44 am ¶2. sleep (try catnaps, sleeping when Madeline is and so forth)
3. activity (this one you are doing good at!)
I went and saw the Swell Season last night in the Mpls. You would have enjoyed it, I think. They were amazing. All that pain and feeling and hope they bring to the table. I thought of you and Madeline.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 10:51 am ¶Dear Matt,
I just came across your blog last night and I could not stop reading it captivated me until 4:30 am. I know there are no words to describe your loss but I want you to know that even strangers in Canada are thinking of you and Madeline.Thank you from the bottom of my soul for sharing this with complete strangers litterally across the world. I have had a “rough” time lately and just couldn’t put it out but wow your story it’s touched me and now I really have a new perspective I just wish I could take away that pain no one deserves to go through this not anyone.I will keep looking for new entries on your blog and please take care of yourself not only for Madeline but for Liz I am sure that’s what she’d want for you to be a healthy daddy.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 10:58 am ¶Sincerely,
Krissy
Don’t know how often or if you really read these comments, but wanted to say I’m so sorry. And congrats on little Madeline.
I think your blog accomplishes many good things - a routine, a bond, a restoration in people’s faith in humanity.
I have a 20mo old son, and a 4mo old daughter. Some things I gleaned about little ones so far are
- there are places you can buy breastmilk for your baby. Don’t know the name or site, but if you look up your local La Leche League they should be able to help you.
- for times when nothing will keep them from crying, a vibrating bouncy seat can do wonders.
- and butt paste is the best diaper rash stuff there is out there.
Bless you and yours as you continue on your journey!
Posted 08 May 2008 at 11:06 am ¶Stumbled across your blog through another website and couldn’t stop reading…kinda like a car crash that you just can’t turn away from…I guess that’s kinda weird terminology. What you went through is so devastating…I’ll be thinking of you, Madeline and especially Liz this coming Mother’s day. I can’t imagine how difficult this will be for you. Hang in there, for Madeline and especially for Liz. You’ll make it through.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 11:32 am ¶your wife is exquisite…
Posted 08 May 2008 at 11:59 am ¶Hi Matt - Been following along like everyone else — wishing you well from afar.
I am a night owl - and a great listener - would love to rise from a lurker to a “stranger friend”. Feel free to email me and I would be happy to chat online or by phone. Seriously.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 12:02 pm ¶Your story is both tragic and inspiring. You will have everything you need to take care of little Madeline. Take care of yourself because she needs her daddy big and strong as she grows. Many, many prayers are being said for you, friend.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 12:10 pm ¶You said being recognized for your grief was weird. That makes sense. I am a reader who wonders just how far your story will go. As an observer I am awestruck at how many people are commenting about and examining their own lives in the wake of this tragedy. I disagree that further press would be exploitation.
If each person who reads this hugs their loved ones a big tighter or appreciates all the breaths they are given – that would make such a positive difference in the world. Please forgive me ahead of time if I’m making false interpretations. I wish peace and comfort for you, Madeline, and all of Liz’s friends and family.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 12:36 pm ¶“this is really happening
and it’s going to be
okay.”
They must be good friends, indeed. I’m so very glad you have them.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 12:38 pm ¶Hi Matt,
Posted 08 May 2008 at 12:54 pm ¶I have been reading your blog since you were in the Star Tribune. I am so sorry for your loss. You have a beautiful little girl!
I had an idea for the $255. Use it to pay a seamstess. Have Liz’s wedding gown turned into a christening gown, baby blanket and bridal hanky for Maddy. That way she will always have a part of her Mom with her on her special days. Just a thought.
Take care of yourself!!
I FOUND A WEB SITE WITH BABIE ONSIES ON THEM, AND THERE IS ONE THAT I THINK WOULD BE PERFECT FOR MADELINE. THE SITE IS http://WWW.BABYWIT.COM ONCE IN THERE ON THE LEFT OF THE SCREEN IS A LIST OF DIFFERENT KINDS OF ONSIES. GO TO COOL BABY AND THERE IS A ONSIE WITH A ROBOT ON IT. IT SEEMS PERFECT FOR HER.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 1:27 pm ¶I FOUND A BABY ONSIE THAT WOULD BE PERFECT FOR MADELINE. IF YOU GO TO http://WWW.BABYWIT.COM AND THEN ON THE LEFT OF THE PAGE GO TO COOL BABY CLOTHES. IN THERE IS A ONSIE WITH A ROBOT ON IT. THOUGHT IT WOULD BE PERFECT FOR HER.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 1:43 pm ¶Matt –
Posted 08 May 2008 at 2:00 pm ¶I’ve been reading your blog since the article appeared in the Strib. Like all those who have commented before me, I have been deeply touched by your story. Although I’m usually in tears as I read your entries, I’ve also found myself bursting into laughter at things like the mn…the sf…grandma broccholi….the bastard…the robot…the robot with the wine bottle! You have a wonderful sense of humor, and it will keep you going through the dark spots. Thank you for your courage to share your life, your pain, your humor and your beautiful wife and daughter with us. Hang in there!
Rachel
“this is really happening
and it’s going to be
okay.”
tis absolutely wonderful to hear you say this. your blog I read every day and you two never cease to inspire me. thinking about you.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 2:03 pm ¶I wish I had some fantastic idea for the use of money. I don’t though. I do like the thought of saving and adding, and then taking Maddy to all of Liz’s favorite places throughout the world. Maybe buy the bot a “friend”…
Posted 08 May 2008 at 2:22 pm ¶I’m so sorry for your very great loss. Madeline is such a beautiful baby. Thank you for sharing this with all of us.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 2:51 pm ¶Matt -
Like so many others I have been drawn to this site to read how you and Madeline are doing after the tragedy of losing your beloved Liz. I can’t imagine the pain you are going through but you need to know that so many people (your family, friends and even total strangers) are continually praying for you. You are doing a fantastic job as daddy to your gorgeous daughter, Madeline. For some reason this song has come to me since reading your story in the Star Tribune.
“When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high
and don’t be afraid of the dark.
At the end of the storm is the golden sky and the sweet silver song of the lark.
Walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tosssed and blown,
Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart
and you’ll never walk alone,
you’ll never walk alone”
Please know you will never be alone. So many people love you and Madeline.
Sharon from Minneapolis
Posted 08 May 2008 at 3:20 pm ¶I came across your blog on another site where people were talking about it. I have an 11 week old and a 2 year old and would just like to thank you for sharing your story. Knowing how hard it is to have a newborn, like so many others I admire you so much. I’ve struggled a lot with depression after the birth of both my sons and I find the perspective that you offer very inspiring. I’m sure most of the time you don’t feel inspiring but I just wanted you to know that even in your grief your family, which still includes Liz, is making a difference.
Thank you from Sydney!
Posted 08 May 2008 at 3:50 pm ¶More thoughts and prayers being sent for you and Madeline. The last picture of you holding Madeline is absolutely priceless. You two are going to have the most wonderful Daddy/Daughter relationship.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 5:31 pm ¶How wonderful that you have such a great support system of friends and relatives. Allow them to help you as much as they can, it is their gift to you and Liz.
I haven’t been able to go back and read your complete blog yet. What is the story behind the robot? Maybe you could do a post on that to update all your new readers.
The blogging world is holding you in its arms. I hope all of these comments being sent bring you some bit of comfort.
Just another stranger who came across your blog and read each entry today in complete tears entangled with smiles from your incredible love for your wife and little one. Madeline is in good hands. I love that you said fuck at the funeral home, I love the story of the robot, I love that you aren’t afraid to be completely authentic.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 5:51 pm ¶Just another stranger who found your blog today and read every entry in complete tears entangled with smiles because of your incredible love for Liz and your little one. Madeline is in good hands. I love the story behind the robot, I love that you said fuck at the funeral home, I love that you are willing to be so completely authentic.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 6:33 pm ¶Matt, Hope you’re having a better day. There will be better days, I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but the sun will shine again. I understand the picture thing. Last December, my fil, who was 54 came back with my son from a trip to Italy. He took him for his 13th birthday. A few days later, he went to work and died of a massive heart attack. It was so surreal, sitting in my mother in laws livingroom, watching the 889 photos that he and my son took together in Italy on their trip. The joy and love he and my son shared on that trip will last forever in these photos, and you can just tell from his smile in them, that that is who he was on the inside, as a person.
You can tell the same thing from the photos of Liz, you don’t even have to explain who she was as a person because pictures speak 1,000 words.
Posted 08 May 2008 at 6:50 pm ¶Beautiful picture! It is true that a picture says a 1000 words, because not only can you tell what a beautiful soul Liz had, but you can tell how much you love each other.
Madeline is getting bigger and cuter by the day!
My family has you both in our thoughts all the time.
Alisha, New Brunswick, Canada
Posted 08 May 2008 at 7:51 pm ¶Matt you have to take care of yourself. I know it is easy not too, focusing on Maddie and all the crap that comes with dealing with death. Amazing how many simple things will require a Death Certificate. Cancelling some credit cards. I still have some bills arriving with my wifes name on them despite several phone calls, this is two and a half years later. Unlike you I didn’t create a blog, too stupid, but I did get my own MySpace. My oldest was into it so I got one to check it out. I have a few jottings on my blog there during my moments. I would be honored if you checked them out. Later louis
Posted 08 May 2008 at 9:18 pm ¶Hey M&Ms
Big M do you have an address that I can send you something for
Little M like a P.O. box or something? She looks great try eating some fry bread its really fatting so you don’t loss anymore wieght. You gotta stay healthy too ,chin up.
Aleah B
Posted 08 May 2008 at 11:00 pm ¶Thoughts and prayers from Ohio! What a gorgeous girl! She looks like one of those people who is always happy to see you, and you feel so great when you are around them. I aspire to be one of those people. I have been more aware, and a little softer with everyone around me, largely because of this blog - my kids and my husband are more beautiful to me than before…thanks for that. Many prayers and blessings to you and yours!
Posted 08 May 2008 at 11:57 pm ¶Liz is smiling and laughing in all of the pictures of her I’ve seen. What a joy she must have been to know and love.
I know it’s tough to eat when you’ve got no appetite and impossible to sleep when your brain won’t shut off. I’m glad you’ve got so many people who are doing their best to help you take care of yourself; you’ve got so much on your plate right now.
One thing I can help with is the 2.8 pounds you’ve lost. I may just have to drop off a good old fashioned Mexican feast for you (and the robot, if he’s into Mexican food).
Posted 09 May 2008 at 10:54 am ¶Matt & Madeline,
We love you both and are thinking of you.
Rock Me Amadeus had a rock stuck in his ear today. Had to have it removed. Maybe it is because he has big ears… Obamadeus? Maybe it’s because he’s Mr. Dramadeus? Hard to tell how a rock will find its way all the way to the eardrum.
Our government really stinks. Hopefully there will be a good change coming. With your $255, I agree that you should do something special with that. Maybe combine it with this fantastic stimulus package that should be coming…. maybe giving us a good reason to come visit and camp in your backyard? In that case, you might want to put the robot in hiding.
We love you guys. You have an army behind you to help you out in every way possible. Also, Liz was truly gorgeous inside and out. Her spirit lives on… and she will always be there to protect you.
Hugs,
H & A
Posted 09 May 2008 at 3:30 pm ¶PS… I mean, I would use my fantastic stimulus check to come visit.
Posted 09 May 2008 at 3:32 pm ¶it’s really nice to see a candid photo of you and liz together
thanks for sharing. i’m going to be away from net access for two weeks so i’ll check in as often as i can! i read this today.. more sadness and f*ed up sh*t.
http://biz.yahoo.com/ap/080510/widower_vs_insurer.html
Posted 10 May 2008 at 4:42 pm ¶Post a Comment