(post delayed…sorry. i actually got more than 3 hours of sleep last night).
a day like
all others.
fucking awful
mixed with a little
bit of fun.
slept for an hour.
woke up to
madeline crying loudly.
discovered that she had
peed through her
diaper,
oufit,
blanket and
bassinet pad cover.
the pee river
finally stopped at
the bassinet pad
(thanks to the person who invented vinyl).
anya came with coffee
and breakfast.
we played with madeline,
giving her some more
tummy time.
tried to find
something to do that
would take our
minds off of everything.
settled on a little shopping.
went to toys r us
and bought madeline mariokart
for the wii.
also toured the
girl’s toy selection.
not looking forward to
the larger pink (and doll)
explosion to come.
(she slept through the whole trip).
auntie deb and i
then took
madeline for her very
first trip to amoeba.
she seemed to
love it
(which is good, cause it’s going to be our second home).
she helped me pick out
a whole bunch of cds
and tried to talk
me out of
the free-jazz purchases.
(i pretended that i didn’t hear her).
she was well-behaved
until it was time
to pay.
lifted her up to
return the
pacifier to her mouth.
amoeba employee saw
just how beautiful she
is
and asked some questions,
including,
“where’s the momma?”
the answer, once again,
came as a surprise.
compassion accompanied the shock,
and the woman offered me
a free record bag
(so, so nice of her).
made it back home
in time to see
bob, anna and their moms.
we visited,
madeline was passed around.
bob picked up some dinner.
we were visited
by the wu,
who found a card
on our porch.
another mother’s day
card for me.
(i got a few this weekend).
we played
some mariokart
with the wu
and when he left,
with aj over the wfc.
saw
liz’s
which brought back
memories.
amazing how acting
like a child
can (almost) make you forget
about all the adult
problems.
an okay day.
hoping that the
music we got
at amoeba
will help us through
the rest of the week.
Comments 61
Matt
I know that you get a lot of advice but what I did to avert the pee river is to put my now 4 month old in a larger size diaper at night, that way it covers her tummy and there is more room so that they don’t pee through things, we went through many nights of changing oufits in the middle of the night and getting frustrated when we couldn’t snap the sleepers right but then discovered that the bigger size diaper makes a huge difference. Madeline is so beautiful and it looks like she isn’t quite into tummy time yet, don’t worry she will one day. I wish you a wonderful and peaceful day.
Love and Kisses from Aliya in MN
Posted 12 May 2008 at 11:57 am ¶Yes, it looks as though Madeline has VERY strong opinions about your music choices. That’s her protesting, huh?
It will be fun for you to see how Madeline’s music preferences develop as a person. We have seen that in our house. My husband is a musician and likes non-traditional sounds. Our 3-year-old daughter has opinions and comments on our music choices. She often requests Low (being a Minnesotan, you know who Low is). Sometimes when her dad plays some random jazz noise, she will ask him, “Daddy, who is the drummer?” Or she may say, “Daddy, I like the bass on this song.” When we set up a playroom for her recently, it was in his old band space. The drums are still down there, and we set up a keyboard for her. She said, “Dad, you play the drums, and I will play the piano. John can play bass (he’s a real bass player in a local band). But who will play guitar?” Gotta love when your preschooler can put together a full band in your basement.
Of course, she still likes normal kid music, too. I think they are born with that.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 12:06 pm ¶Hi Matt,
I’ve been worried about you! Glad to see your post and glad you got some sleep. Seems like Madeline knows how to behave on outings! And I’m sure she’ll grow up loving your taste in music (does she have a choice?). Aliya had good advice for the night pee river wakings. They’re no fun! And now that my daughter is older we don’t go a night with out Huggies Overnights. They start making them in size 3 (16-28 lbs) so you’ll have to wait a bit for them. Wished I’d known about them earlier. They are extra-thick and absorbent and no more waking up with leaks!
Glad your day was alright. Thought about you all day long.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 12:09 pm ¶Kristin
Oh, she really does hate tummy time, doesn’t she! And you all laughed at her. So cruel! (OK, I was laughing too.) Wow, strong neck, though! See, tummy time is good for you, Madeline. You’ll thank your daddy someday, really you will…
Posted 12 May 2008 at 12:16 pm ¶matt,
Posted 12 May 2008 at 12:18 pm ¶I have been thiking about u non-stop still. I haven’t been able to read your blog for last couple days, my sister had a baby boy, and i couldn’t stop thinking about you, the cord was wrapped around his head twice and it was very scary, but they both are doing great, i prayed alot before the delivery, thank god everythingf turned out okay. Im glad to hear your doing a little better now, and had a nice little vacation. Oh about the pee river, my husband actually let me sleep in this weekend, and he woke up to a crib full of vomit and shit, i heard it was terrible, so just think it gets bigger and more nasty. your in my thoughts and prayers.
smile, from tina in mn.
My daughter loves her princess dresses so much that I honestly forget how much I used to despise them. She looks freaking cute wearing them. She is my princess. If you knew me, you would understand how unbelieveable it is for me to type such a thing.
The photo of Madeline pouting is adorable. I love baby pouts!
The agree with the above comments. Leaks mean that it is time to move up in diaper size. The weight measure on the boxes mean nothing.
I’m glad yesterday was ok, and I was thrilled to see that you had two good days in a row. That is a big deal.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 12:19 pm ¶The video was great, my English Bulldog, Bob Barker, was sitting next to me and he went crazy, running around the room, looking for the crying baby! He is offically a Madeline fan.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 12:43 pm ¶I haven’t commented before but I’ve been reading along and following your story. I just wanted to send you this link because the rolled up towel never worked for me either.
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2967791
I can’t find the exact one that I use (ours are by Especially For Baby and they’re soft with a little lion on it) but definitely a good purchase. I highly suggest it to help Madeline in the carrier.
I keep you in my thoughts always. Take care.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 12:56 pm ¶She has got the *cutest* little beh-beh cry!
(I’m gonna send you an invitation to join GameFly. It’s the greatest thing ever for us Wii owners… and even more valuable when you have an unpredictable little creature who can sometimes make it hard for you to leave the domicile.)
Posted 12 May 2008 at 1:00 pm ¶Love the video. Crying Madeline made sleeping Caleb lift his head briefly from his nap. I miss that newborn cry. Wish I had more sound clips of Caleb’s cry at that age.
Glad you got some sleep although the mother in me made me worry when you weren’t posting. I was convinced something must be wrong.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 1:04 pm ¶I know it seems far off but tummy time won’t always be torture. Soon, you won’t be able to keep her on her back even long enough to change her diaper.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 1:23 pm ¶My sister used something called a diaper doubler to help prevent overnight leaks with my nephew. It is an absorbant pad that lines the diaper. You can buy them at babies r us.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 1:23 pm ¶Hi Matt,
Also so glad to see your post! You and Madeline have become such a big (and little) part of many peoples lives. We think so much about you and care for all you are going through so much.
I had to giggle when watching little Maddy’s video on her tummy. All the previous posts mention how much she doesn’t like tummy time. While I was watching the video, I thought that she is really doing well and it doesn’t bother her much! One of my kids was terrible at it - hence my thinking that she was doing so well. She is growing so fast and looks so healthy.
My husband was a alittle concerned about the pink explosion in the beginning. But, now since he has two little girls, I am pretty convinced that pink is probably in his top 10 favorite colors. When she gets older and she is very, very firmly wrapped around your finger, you will get so much joy out of watching her dress in the frilly lace an dance around the house to N’Sync or something else that will make you grind your teeth. But, her laugh and joy will be so worth it - you may find yourself singing along!?!?
In many previous posts ago, you mentioned the awful people that you had to deal with at the insurance company. It is probably a situation that has been dealt with now, but in my previous life (pre-kids and pre-stay at home) I worked in life insurance - on the side of the consumer not the companies. One of the things that I “enjoyed” doing most was helping families through death and dealing with all of the paperwork and stupid things that you are asked to do when filing a claim. If you need help in that area, please do not hesitate to let me know.
Squeezes to you and Madeline!
Posted 12 May 2008 at 1:28 pm ¶Matt, Love the video of sweet Maddy. Had lots of people in my office watching her. I think she really has gotten big and so strong!
Posted 12 May 2008 at 1:41 pm ¶Take care,
Auntie E
wow - that girl wants to move! That’s so great that she’s lifting and turning her head - yay!!
Posted 12 May 2008 at 1:49 pm ¶Hi Matt
I have been lurking for awhile - and just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and Madeline yesterday. My goodness she is just a beautiful baby, and the way you capture her in photos just tugs at my heart.
Looks like you are have a great helper when it comes to shopping - you just wait until Madeline is singing wiggles, hi-5 or other equally mind numbing songs when she is a bit older….and that pink explosion of doll stuff, it has just started at this house and it has signs of not stopping any time soon.
As for tummy time - cuddles with her on her tummy count too - but I bet she is getting alot of that already. Judging by the video, she is doing quite well - my son HATED tummy time and he just screamed non stop. Do you have a bumbo chair? When she is a bit older (say in a couple of weeks) you could pop her in one of those. Although, I think with all the cuddles she is getting, she wouldn’t last 10 seconds in there before someone scooped her up.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 1:54 pm ¶Good afternoon! I am so proud at how good madeline is doing with tummy time! her neck muscles are superb and she will only get better and stronger and yes she is quite the magical baby!
I love the photo of you and Madeline infront of the pink princess aisle at TrU. The hot princess love is just settling in with my 15mo and is still running large with my 3yo. But! You know what? My 3yo saw a spiderman & iron man t-shirt and shopko the other day and insisted she have it. Then she also declared she wanted an iron-man action figure birthday party (her b-day isnt till August). Wow! What a change right? And she’s never even seen either movies she just likes all the paraphenelia….so don’t get too worried she may be a Star Wars fan yet!
Posted 12 May 2008 at 1:56 pm ¶oh your face in front of the pink dresses…. i did laugh. maybe she’ll skip right to flannel shirts and listening to emo.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 2:33 pm ¶it was very thoughtful for you to buy mariokart for madeline. i bet she appreciates that a lot.
do you know this quote from the movie almost famous? “if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends”–it is a balm for the soul sometimes.
Glad to hear you’re sleeping better. Madeline is growing so fast! Soon she’ll be crawling like crazy and you’ll wish she was back to tummy time. : ) When my husband was in Baghdad I watched every funny (non-romantic) movie I could get my hands on to keep my mind off things…I highly recommend it. Won’t take away the pain, but it just might make you smile which is good for you. I’m going to take a video of my dog chasing his toys and post a link to it for you eventually…it’s frickin’ hilarious. : ) Glad to hear you’re taking care of yourself as well as Madeline.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 2:43 pm ¶Matt, I am sitting here at my desk trying not to cry after a coworker sent me the link to your blog this morning. Your beautiful daughter is so lucky to have such a loving daddy who takes such good care of her… and Liz was so lucky to have such a sweet husband who appreciated her so much. (Robot-related arguments notwithstanding.)
Please know that you have another stranger-friend in Orange County, close enough to bring you food or supplies or a shoulder to cry on but far enough so you don’t have to worry about crazy stalker behavior. I am a damn good cook and an even better listener and my fiance will let you kick his ass at the wii anytime. Email me if you ever need to tell another stranger all about Liz… I am someone who hasn’t heard all the stories a thousand times yet.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 2:50 pm ¶Happy ‘Mother’s’ Day Matt. Sounds like you had a nice day. I enjoyed watching the video of Madeline and her tummy time. Gosh how I miss that new born cry. I have a 3 year old daughter and 18 mo old son. Neither cared for tummy time either and both rolled over for the first time at 5 weeks. I’m sure Madeline enjoys playing her new Mariokart with you, what a nice gift for you to get her!
Take care!
Posted 12 May 2008 at 3:10 pm ¶PS-I’m glad you were able to get more sleep!
Hi Matt —
I am a lurker but I didn’t quite make it through awhile of lurking, just found your website this morning and read through the whole thing, crying of course. When you didn’t post one for yesterday I (who only just ‘met’ you) was worried and relieved to see you had a semi okay day.
I know you don’t believe it now but you are going to be fine and while the void will never officially be filled (who would want it to be?) you will have days when you look at your little one and know that Liz left you will the best most precious gift. She left you with a piece (or many!) of her. You will see Liz in Madeline every day. I am sure you will have more days of losing your faith, but just know that you are doing an amazing job and we are all rooting for you…..
Posted 12 May 2008 at 3:24 pm ¶Matt,
I couldn’t help but spend most of the day thinking about you kids yesterday… but I am SO happy to hear that you got mario cart (i thought it was a joke until you showed proof)… what a bunch of kids… we’re the same age as you and just love playing too. Maybe you even played it a lot in college like Adam did. You can you tube a bunch of short cuts and tricks… good times
Have a great rest of your Monday!
Jenny
Posted 12 May 2008 at 3:25 pm ¶In the not so distant future…
“ohhhhhhhh Daddy look!” Miss Madeline doing her Shirley Temple impression, her blond curls bouncing, black-patent-leather-shoes taping the floor, chubby finger pointing at all the pretty pink dresses.
You are going to love raising a little girl!
Posted 12 May 2008 at 3:40 pm ¶Hi Matt,
Posted 12 May 2008 at 4:34 pm ¶My name is Terri and I am a nurse at the hospital where Madeline was born. I never had the pleasure of meeting Liz….but I did meet you….and through the windows of the NICU, saw your darling little Madeline. I just wanted you to know that you are an amazing person and a true inspiration. Liz would undoubtedly be so proud of you right now! Madeline is so lucky to have you for her Daddy….
Matt -
I don’t have kids but was at a birthday party for a 1 year old a few weeks ago where there was a little boy who did not like tummy time. The great-aunt of the 1 year old was there and suggested that the mom sit on the floor with one leg outstretched and little boy propped up, on his stomach, over her thigh. She tried this and little boy did pretty well for about ten minutes then got fussy (which was a result of being hungry). BTW - great-aunt works in child development.
I was saddened when I first read your story, but am so glad you and Madeline have such great family and friends that take such good care of you!
Happy Belated Mothers Day!
Posted 12 May 2008 at 4:54 pm ¶Erin in Boston
Hee, Maddy is quite the helpful little shopper! Enjoy those quite, reflective browsing times while you can before she starts walking and talking… I tell you, after that miraculous transformation occurs, shopping becomes an entirely different kind of experience altogether! (”It’s an entirely different kind of…” –oh forget it, you’re probably not an “Airplane!” fan and I’m probably an even bigger dork than I think I am) So sayeth the mom of a 10-going-on-35-year-old who breaks out in hives at the mere mention of the word “shopping”. *shudder*
Anyway, Matt… I just wanted to let you know… like you haven’t already been told enough– you have the most awesome friends and family ever. For every tear I’ve shed on this site, I’ve given thanks that you have such an amazing support system surrounding you… they keep you busy, they lavish your beautiful girl with attention, they cry with you, they babysit, and they even seem to have a pretty good sense of when to let you be alone with your thoughts. You and Maddy have the best extended family anyone could imagine, and I think that– along with your incredible strength and love for your daughter– is one of the main things that will get you through all this.
Happy belated Mother’s Day to the most deserving parent I know.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 4:56 pm ¶Hi Matt, I have to admit, I have been one of those silent lurkers (Up until now) since I saw your story in the Star Tribune. My Husband and I have read your story from the beginning and have been following it ever since. You have our deepest sympathy for your beloved loss, and our “congratulations” on your beautiful daughter. I can’t believe how much she has grown. You are truly an amazing person Matt. You make everything I complain about in life look so petty compared to what you have been through. Needless to say, I have changed, and I thank you for that. Just remember this, my dad always told me, God only toss’ us things that he knows we can handle.
I have noticed you are into music. I wanted to share with you (and maybe someone has already), but my babies, since they were new born, up until around the age of 5, grew up listening and watching the Baby Einstein cd’s and dvds. They are truly awesome. http://www.babyeinstein.com/en/
The music is very soothing and the DVD’s are very colorful for little ones. If you go to the site, you can here what they sound like. I hope you like them.
Sincerely,
Posted 12 May 2008 at 5:29 pm ¶Julie in MN
I found your blog through my good friend Bathtubjunkie.net. My heart goes out to you. I had the opposite happen to me. I was on bedrest for 3 months with my first baby. He was born 10 wks early. Three weeks later he passed away in my arms.
That pain is so strong. It grips you and you feel like you’re drowning. If you need help or an ear, even though we don’t know each other, I would love to help or offer hope.
Your daughter is beautiful. I wish many years of health and happiness with her. I will pray for peace and comfort in your heart. {hugs}
Posted 12 May 2008 at 5:31 pm ¶Hi Matt,
Posted 12 May 2008 at 6:16 pm ¶I’m happy to hear you had a decent day yesterday. I was holding you close in thought all day, knowing it would likely be a tough one for you.
But, before I get emotional, I wanted to tell you a little trick I learned about diapers. If the front of the diaper doesn’t reach the belly button, it’s time to move up to a bigger size. Pay no attention to the weight listed on the packages because that’s a very vague guide.
Have a great night, and I’ll be back tomorrow to check in on you.
oops…
accidentally deleted a comment by someone named jill…
can’t recover it to approve it, but here’s what she wrote:
“You need to watch your language. You have a child now. Do you want her reading this someday? Why don’ t you talk about how much you love her?”
and here’s my e-mail response to jill (though the e-mail got kicked back because it was fake)
Delivery to the following recipients failed.
jilltoe4@hotmail.com
–Forwarded Message Attachment–
To: jilltoe4@hotmail.com
Subject: sorry
Date: Mon, 12 May 2008 18:05:40 -0700
sorry you are offended by my language.
to be honest, this is an extremely difficult time for me.
and i am being as honest as i can be through my writing.
it’s good for me to vent and to say the things that i must.
madeline will read this when she is much older.
until then i will teach her that swearing is something that adults do.
but please forgive me.
i’ve lost my wife, my true love.
i think i am allowed to swear about that.
madeline knows i love her.
she can tell by the way i talk to her.
the way i hold her.
and the way that i love her mom.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 6:23 pm ¶Oh Matt. I am so sorry for the insensitive nature of some posters! I wondered if any posts were making the delete pile due to this. You know how much we all care about you and the little Miss and it really hurts to read nasty little comments. Like this Jill obviously forgot the lesson that if you don’t have something nice to say then STFU.
I say your attitude is INCREDIBLE and if your language includes swear-naughties, then so be it. There are somethings in life that need the rawness of profanity and I think your situation is one of them.
Keep on being honest and use the delete key if need be!
hugs
Posted 12 May 2008 at 6:42 pm ¶Matt,
I found your link on a mommy’s forum and found your story both overwhelmingly sad and inspiring. My heart aches for the loss of your beloved. I think you are doing an amazing job for your baby and Madeline is a true beauty. I feel like I know Liz through your words and I am a complete stranger. She sounds truly magical. I know Madeline will one day appreciate your raw emotions and candid words. You are in my thoughts everyday. I hope tomorrow is a good one.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 6:46 pm ¶The swearing definitely doesn’t offend me. It puts your true feelings into perspective. Please continue to share and vent your feelings. It is all part of the healing/coping process.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 6:51 pm ¶This Jill person obviously hasn’t read your entire blog or else just failed to comprehend your loving feelings for Madeline and Liz. We don’t personally know you (even thought it feels like we do, since you are so kind to share your life with strangers), but can tell from your writing and photographs the deep love you have for your daughter.
Keep on doing what you are doing.(being an awesome daddy) Madeline is an adorable, thriving, loved, lucky little girl. (who is getting cuter and bigger every day.
Really, this is a web page, if a person who encounters it does not like what he or she sees, she need only close the window. It is the property of the person who owns it, to do with as they please. Matt, you could and probably do say a lot worse, kudos to you for keeping it in check. I am not a person who swears, but I honestly think your writing illustrates how truly awful and gut wrenching what you are going through is. My prayers are sent your way, everyday. Thanks again for sharing this with us, and giving us a small window into your heart. Your Liz is truly a beautiful girl. Your grief over losing her is as precious as she, and needs to be felt and dealt with. Your are remarkable.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 6:55 pm ¶Hi Matt - Wow, some people, huh? I think the last few posts have said just about everything I would say too. I think what you are doing here will be a great thing for Madeline to read when she is older, swear words and all. I have said a few choice ones myself over your situation and what you are enduring.
Most of us don’t know you in person, just through this blog. However, having said that even I, a stranger/lurker, know how much you love Liz and Madeline. I hear it in the honesty of your words and see it in the beautiful pictures that you take of the daughter you and Liz had together.
Keep on doing what you’re doing, and how you’re doing it and we will all be here to listen and support you. You are doing a wonderful job. Just keep moving forward, one day at a time.
Kris in the mn
Posted 12 May 2008 at 7:10 pm ¶Happy Mother’s Day Matt. I thought about you and Madeline a lot yesterday. Wondering how you were doing. Guessing it probably sucked. Glad to hear you were with friends and did what Liz probably would have enjoyed doing - shopping.
Interesting anyone would call you out on swearing. What the fuck ever. I think your swearing is very intentional and expressive. Obviously you are doing this for you and not for us, so try not to let it bother you.
I also agree about going up a size in diapers anytime you have blowouts more than 2 days in a row. Have a good night.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 7:10 pm ¶The person who left that message is mother fuckin’ apeshit.
You’re welcome.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 7:26 pm ¶I just discovered and read your blog from beginning till now. I dont know if this is right but I find it to be endearing and in a way beautiful…you capture your life how it should be..remind me of the details I omit when I write about my baby..inspire me to be more open when typing my latest blog.
Liz is going to have the biggest heart..that much love directed towards you and her can only be good…no breastmilk can do that! (jk).
Sending you happy thoughts every day…
Crystal.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 7:50 pm ¶Hi Matt,
Happy belated Mother’s Day. I was thinking about you. Looks like an eventful day. LOVE the first photo of beautiful Madeline sleeping (that little hand is just precious). And, of course tummy time is never fun at that age. She’s getting good at it though. Looks like a strong little gal. I’ve got two girls–3-1/2 and 12 months–and they never liked it either. It gets better.
Hope today was a good day.
Nicole
Posted 12 May 2008 at 8:10 pm ¶Aaaahhhh, yes, welcome to the world of online blogging. Nothing like a troll to really let you know that you have “made” it!! Seriously, pay no attention to a single person who posts a comment that is anything less than validating and supportive. You need to say what you are thinking, when you are thinking it, no matter what. All of your loyal and faithful readers are adults and think you are doing an amazing job and hope that the “Jills” of the blogging world don’t deter you from sharing your uncensored thoughts and feelings with us.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 8:23 pm ¶Matt,
Your response to Jill was quite gracious and understanding. To paraphrase a line from Ferris Bueller: it is understanding that allows people like you to tolerate people like…
One would have to be quite dense to miss the fact that every single post on this blog is a love letter to and about Liz.
Quite dense, indeed.
Hugs to you and Maddy,
j.
P.S.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 8:24 pm ¶I cooed - effing COOED - at the computer screen as I watched the Magical Child lift her little blonde head and pout. She is more precious by the day.
I have been following your Blog for some time now. You amaze me, truly you do. Madeline is so lucky to have such a wonderful father. You remind me alot of my father. He is still to this day my Best Friend.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure you will hear more from me but I need to tend to my infant daughter who just doesn’t not want to sleep tonight.
Take care.
Molly from NC
Posted 12 May 2008 at 8:25 pm ¶i agree with the above posters, who gives a shit if you use a swear word every now and then? I actually haven’t noticed, but then again, i’m one of six, so I’m immune to it. LOL’
If my wonderful father was in your position, and years later I read the true, raw emotion that he felt at the time, and love that came through for my mother. I would high five him and thank him for being a human being with emotions and for sharing his grief and love for a woman who gave birth to me, in hopes that it changed one persons life.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 8:33 pm ¶wow- how to instantly have more swear words in your comment section..heh
With your popularity I kinda worried about what kind of comments you would get.
I know as a momma- a young one to start with strangers had lots of advice- but i found in time they just seemed to thrive on the negative.
My kids developed and are still developing into wonderful people and in the grand scheme of life the language they use is so much less significant than the message they share.
I hope you can hold this space as a source of solace..
Posted 12 May 2008 at 8:41 pm ¶Ditto to Kate and Juanita.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 8:55 pm ¶You’re a better person than me, Matt. I never would have even replied to her and if I had, it would have been to the tune of Kate’s comment.
Keep up the good work - Madeline is obviously thriving!!
Getting her started record shopping at an early age, a very important step in child development.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 9:01 pm ¶Matt,
I love the video…she is doing VERY WELL with tummy time. My son just screamed!! She is such a strong little one, not a surprise with two amazing parents, at least from what I read.
You continue to touch me and I am so honored to be able to read this blog, swears and all.
You have done a magnificent job so far with this beautiful little lady. I just hope to see some pictures of you with a smile on your face. It will come back, soon I hope. Glad you found a way to bring that inner child out in you…just played Wii for the first time last week, I can see how addicting it can be!
Enjoy the week and I am hoping for happy days coming your way, but if you feel sad, it’s okay to cry, scream and SWEAR!!! You are loved by so many, sending you hugs from afar. You are truly an amazing daddy….Liz is looking down at you and is so proud, I am sure.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 10:01 pm ¶Glad to hear you made the best of Sunday, and hope you can shrug off the complaint about your mildly colorful language. Your response was the picture of restraint; that you even offered one shows remarkable courtesy. Your profound love for your daughter (and wife) is evident in every image and word that you post. Like, duh…if you didn’t care so damn much you wouldn’t need the profanity to express yourself in the first place! It’s GENTEEL language that’s entirely inappropriate for your situation. It can’t begin to cover it.
(As far as protecting kids, I’ll take strong words over false ones any day. I think far more damage has been done to children by people abusing phrases such as “I love you,” “I’m sorry,” “stupid,” “shut up,” and a million other supposedly G-rated terms. At least with profanity you know where you stand.)
Can’t believe Madeline’s lifting and turning her gorgeous head already! (Even if she’s not all that enthusiastic about it…) No doubt, her first laugh is right around the corner — I’m so excited for you! From there, it’s just a blink of an eye until you hear her say “I love you, Daddy — you’re my fuckin’ hero!” And you so are.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 10:05 pm ¶Matt, I just discovered your page today and read through the entire thing, crying the entire time of course. I can tell just by your pictures and words that you & Liz were such wonderful, beautiful people (and still are), and I am so sorry for you loss. I know nothing anyone says can ease the pain you are feeling. I admire you so much for the strength you have shown on your page (even though it may seem like you constantly feel weak.) It is an inspiration to many I’m sure. Your daughter is a lucky little girl and I hope and pray that better days come your way soon. Good luck & keep up the good work!!:)
Posted 12 May 2008 at 10:29 pm ¶Hi Matt- another stranger from MN. I ‘ve been following your blog since I read the article from the Star/Trib, but haven’t commented till now- I always stare at the keyboard not knowing what to say…until now. The comment left by Jill left me somewhat speechless. You are doing an AMAZING job with Madeline and your love for her and Liz is so apparent in not only what you write, but also in the beautiful pictures you have. (by the way, you are very gifted in those 2 areas.) To quote a country song (sorry, I’m a country fan
! ) “You say it best when you say nothing at all” It’s the smile on your face and the touch of your hand……….you are so right, she will know your love for her in all the things you are doing.
I am so sorry for your loss- Liz was beautiful. You and your families are in my daily thoughts and prayers, and I hope with each passing day you find it easier to smile. Thank you for sharing your journey- you are stronger than you think.
Posted 12 May 2008 at 10:57 pm ¶People who judge you can fuck off. Say whatever you want, however you want, with no apologies. I mean, heck, (grr I mean hell), you don’t have to answer to anybody but yourself and your daughter and whomever else you determine as important as the two of you!
Posted 13 May 2008 at 6:37 am ¶Also… you also can shut the comment feature off when you feel tired of everyone’s responses. I rarely comment, but I read each blog entry, love the photos, get misty-eyed over Liz’s death, and share tidbits with coworkers who aren’t nearly as taken by all of this as I am.
Posted 13 May 2008 at 6:39 am ¶I read your post everyday, they make me teary but this one made me want to run to the bathroom and cry. (I’m at work). The post from your Dad did it. The pictures were a great choice! Your daughter is beautiful, but you already know that. Your a wonderful Dad. Just wanted to tell you.
Posted 13 May 2008 at 7:09 am ¶you are modeling for your daughter the importance of expressing feelings rather than “stuffing” them. you are showing her that you love her by continuing to function each day for her sake even though you are in personal agony. i seriously doubt a- *gasp*curse word- on a blog is going to change your daughter’s perception of you as the most perfect person in the world. i am so impressed by your frankness. there is no word in the english language powerful enough to express the type of pain you are experiencing… so go with whatever works, no apologies necessary.
madeline is getting more and more beautiful by the day. keep doing what you’re doing… it’s working. =)
Posted 13 May 2008 at 7:18 am ¶I have never been an advocate of swearing, but sometimes it needs to said. You have a right to your feelings and I am sure that everyone else understands or are understanding.
Posted 13 May 2008 at 9:34 am ¶Hi….. I’m sure your developmental specialist already told you this, but if you roll a towel (smallish bath, bigger than a hand) up and put it under her arms and chest when she is on her tummy, it will lift her up a little bit, and may make her want to stay in that position longer. Also, I hope you have been introduced to “boppy” pillows. Go for quantity of times you put her on her tummy, versus quantity of how long you make her stay there. It really is great for her… and she’s building her lungs telling you off at the same time.
Posted 18 May 2008 at 7:12 pm ¶Good luck!
New to your blog and am catching up on every thing.
Just wanted to say - FUCK JILL.
And that you are a wonderful Dad Matt. Madeline is a beautiful girl and though I never knew Liz…..she has touched my heart, all three of you have.
Posted 05 Jun 2008 at 10:09 am ¶I’m so irritated by that supposed “jill” How dare she even post something about your language. Until she walks in your shoes she needs to keep her trap shut!! Seriously, you keep speaking and expressing yourself the way you want. Afterall this is YOUR blog. She doesn’t have to read it or lurk either.
Posted 13 Jun 2008 at 8:34 am ¶Hope your having a great day!! Sorry but I had to vent on her. (Smiles)
Jill needs to fuck off
Posted 13 Jun 2008 at 12:30 pm ¶Say whatever the fuck you want. Fuck her!
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