morning brought
a developmental psychologist
to the house.
she came to see
how things are progressing
with madeline
and to make sure that
i’m doing the things
i need to do to
not ruin her.
i was a little concerned.
don’t want to hear
that i’m hindering
her development,
but would like to know
if i should be doing
something different.
we talked.
she watched how i intereacted
with madeline.
after an hour
the woman said,
“i am really impressed. you have all the maternal instincts that i have”
lots of other
superlatives and a few great tips.
(i don’t mean to brag but, damn, i’m doing an awesome job).
she’s promised to come back
once a month
to make sure we’re still
on track.
later i
got a call from my doctor.
confirmed what i
suspected all along…
lump on my leg was benign.
lots of pain for such
a stupid little thing.
it’s feeling a little
better than yesterday.
called my insurance company
to take care of my auto, earthquake
and homeowner’s insurance policies.
told the insurance agent
that i needed to change
some of our policies
because my wife had passed away.
she was sympathetic.
then she asked for my
last name.
“logelin”
i said.
she paused.
“liz passed away?”
before i could say, “yes”
she said,
“can i put you on hold?”
“sure”
i said.
then another woman
picked up the phone and
took my payment info.
she apologized at the end
saying that they were all
shocked.
and that my agent
was too upset to talk.
i’m not sure that
liz
ever met any of them
(only talked on the phone)
but as mentioned so
many times before,
liz
had an affect on
everyone with whom she interacted.
more packages today.
a lot of them.
stranger friend jenny h.
sent madeline a really
cute outfit
(did i really just type that?).
and two books
stranger friend jody f. and family
sent an awesome,
baby-sized suitcase with
some hand-made wooden
letters that spell out,
madeline.
stranger friend kathleen e. and family
sent a package with
lots of cool stuff
a tiny diaper bag for daddy
squeaky toy for baby.
(thought these were only for dogs…learned something new today).
some “baby legs”
(i have so much to learn)
an awesome art book,
a teething device,
and the coolest thing
of them all…
a robot night-light.
(my favorite things were the hand-written notes on each gift).
finally, madeline’s great-aunt
patty sent a lullaby book (with cd!)
and a beautiful box
filled with
awesome clothes.
the rest of the day/night
was fun.
paid bills,
talked with health insurance companies.
had some visitors.
lisa brought dinner
and a cd for madeline.
the wu visited and did
nothing but play mariokart.
i fell asleep on
the couch trying to
respond to e-mails
(sorry, i’m about 5 days behind but i will get back to you).
friday was
better than thursday.
Comments 37
Glad that the psychologist confirmed what all of us have known all along… you’re doing an amazing job Matt!!
Posted 17 May 2008 at 10:25 am ¶Keep up the good work
Hi Matt - I’m happy to hear that yesterday was a little better and that all is well with the bump in the leg. Not a big surprise, at least to me, to know that the developmental psychologist thinks you are doing an awesome job - it appears evident in how Madeline is thriving. She is more beautiful with each day.
I hope you have a good rest of the weekend. As with every day I will be thinking of you and Madeline. I don’t know what the weather is like in the ca, but here in the mn it is finally a beautiful day. Spring may have arrived.
Take Care ~
Kris in the MN
Posted 17 May 2008 at 10:34 am ¶I’m glad to hear Friday was better. I’ve been sharing your story with friends. Now they are all reading about you and Madeline.
Just in the short week I’ve been reading, Madeline has gotten bigger. You can see the fat starting to build under her skin. She looks really good. It’s great that she is doing so well.
You are doing a great job!
Posted 17 May 2008 at 10:38 am ¶Hi Matt! Glad to hear it was a better day for you then Thursday. I’m amazed at how many things are made with robots!
Posted 17 May 2008 at 10:38 am ¶Hi Matt,
Posted 17 May 2008 at 10:41 am ¶I’m glad you got great news from the doctor! Even though it’s what you had suspected, I’m sure it was still quite reassuring to hear the official diagnosis. Madeline is quite the lucky girl! An awesome daddy AND loads of cool stuff!
Have a great one!
So glad to here Friday was a better day. The robot night-light is perfect.
Posted 17 May 2008 at 10:48 am ¶We all knew you were doing an awesome job!!
Yay for good diagnosis!!!
Also a lesson I learned last night. ALWAYS have a thermometer and motrin where you know where it is. I woke up around 1 and felt my daughter (6) burning up. I tried to wake her up and she was talking to her pillow which scared me even more (afraid fever was so high she was seeing things) I had to search FOREVER to find a thermometer and then only had tylenol cold to give her!!
Fever lower this morning, motrin in her now seems to be doing its job. I hate fevers, I know they have a purpose I just hate when they get really really high!!
Hugs from alabama
Posted 17 May 2008 at 10:50 am ¶Awesome
Posted 17 May 2008 at 10:54 am ¶We still read your blog everyday here in the Mtka. We are all still so moved by your stories and are so happy to hear that things continue to improve for both of you. I keep forgetting to mention that I think your photography is unbelievable. I am a photographer as well so it’s just a treat for me to see what pictures you’ve taken to go along with your blog entries.
You’re doing such a great job and the proof is right there in front of you!! Madeline is getting so big and beautiful! You must be so proud!
Thanks again for all your wonderful entries. If you are ever back in the Mtka, my daughter and I would love to meet up with you and Madeline! I’m sure you have tons of requests for that! You’ll just have to have one giant playdate when you visit!
Posted 17 May 2008 at 11:46 am ¶I’m *really* happy to hear that everything is fine with your leg. I hope that it gets to feeling better soon. Just added you as a friend on my Flickr account (thanks for your e-mail!). I can’t imagine how you’re possibly keeping up with all of the messages that you must be receiving! That’s an adorable blue outfit that M. is wearing above (I love dressing our daughter, Meredith, in blue!). Oh, I just *love* the French plaque with her name on it ~ as well as the gorgeous letters! We considered the name “Madelyn” for our daughter (different spelling). How amazing it must be to discover what an incredible impression Liz made on others. I want to live my life that way.
Posted 17 May 2008 at 12:05 pm ¶Hello Matt,
The developmental psychologist merely confirmed what your friends, family and blog readers already knew: you’re an amazing dad; Madeline is lucky her mom chose her dad so wisely. Even if you do use the fucking “f” word every now and then
You’re going to need to dedicate a few more walls in your house to the awesome book & robot memorabilia collections you and Maddy are aquiring. Not to mention all the beautiful and unique gifts you’ve received from around the country.
What a wonderful person Liz must have been; it’s obvious she packed a lot of love and energy into the time she spent here. You’ve really done a wonderful job of sharing the spirit of who Liz was with those of us who never knew her. I can’t tell you enough what a tribute that is to the way she lived her life.
Hugs to you and Maddy,
j.
P.S.
Posted 17 May 2008 at 12:19 pm ¶You said(typed?) “really cute outfit”.” Ha!
Matt - I am (obviously) very glad to hear that your leg/lump issue is OK. And what did I tell you? You are every bit a “mother” as the women we celebrate on Mother’s Day.
We have some of the art books in that series. They’re really fun, and even our rough-and-tumble Daniel enjoys looking at them!
Posted 17 May 2008 at 12:46 pm ¶So you’re saying the word of some trained professional means more than the assertions of dozens (hundreds?) of complete strangers??? Jeez…
But still, so nice to hear you’re starting to believe what we’ve all been saying!
Posted 17 May 2008 at 12:50 pm ¶Glad to hear that friday was allot better :]
Posted 17 May 2008 at 12:56 pm ¶All her presents are soo cute :]
You can sure tell she is growing!
I’ve shared your story with about 2,000 mommies on my mommy board :]
So now you have even more strangers listening to you!
Keep up the great work!!
Brag all you want you are doing an awesome job. Your pictures of Madeline are absolutely beautiful. I wish I could take pictures like that.
Posted 17 May 2008 at 3:37 pm ¶I’ve been visiting for a couple weeks I think but this is the first time I’ve commented.
I just wanted to say first you have an adorable little girl!
Second, you are so blessed to have so many people to support you and help you out in the whole new parenting thing.
I’ll be checking in often for more tales of Madeline!
Posted 17 May 2008 at 3:57 pm ¶My oldest friend in the world recommended I read your blog when I asked for some new reads. I’ve been reading the archives for the past hour or so. As a twenty-nine year old single gal, I can’t imagine being a parent. Sometimes I have to be reminded that life asks you to grow up and get your act together pretty fast.
It looks like you’re doing an amazing job with Madeline. And hey, the fact that the developmental psychologist agrees is icing on the cake, right?
Keep doing what you’re doing, and thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
Posted 17 May 2008 at 4:50 pm ¶Matt,
I’ve just finished going through your entire blog. I was led to it by a friend’s friend…in any case. I just want you to know I am thinking about you and your little precious one. My (3rd) son, Brennan, was born March 17th. I briefly shared with my husband your story and he (obviously) could not imagine what he would do if something similar had happened to us. I remember when I got up the first time to “get cleaned up” my husband and the nurse helped me up, and then I felt really light-headed and dizzy. That was a first for me. I hadn’t experienced that with my other 2 boys. I did almost pass out, which my husband knew at the time, because I told him. When I reminded him of it, it was scary.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. She is absolutely beautiful.
-Cindy in Cerritos, CA
Posted 17 May 2008 at 5:03 pm ¶I have been reading your blog for a few weeks now. Your writing is beautiful and touching. I thought you might want to read about another father who lost his wife soon after their child was born. He has not updated in a couple of years, but they have left the blog up for people to read. You may relate to him and his struggles. http://tebspage.blogspot.com/
Posted 17 May 2008 at 5:04 pm ¶Matt, I hope you didn’t really need a psychologist to tell you you’re doing an awesome job! All of us “strangers” can see clearly that you are an amazing father, raising a beautiful daughter and doing a damn good job.
Posted 17 May 2008 at 5:05 pm ¶Enjoy your weekend!
Janet
I am glad that Friday was better than Thursday. I hope that today was better than Friday. You will stay in my thoughts and prayers for a long time. I love the robot nightlight and agree that you may need to start a robot wall in the house. That would be hilarious
Jenn
Posted 17 May 2008 at 5:10 pm ¶I think I would have liked to be on the other end of the phone, with Liz. Thank you for sharing her with us. The more I hear, the more I like her.
Thank you.
Posted 17 May 2008 at 5:30 pm ¶I’m so glad that friday was better for you. we all need some of those not-so-difficult days. you’re doing an amazing job with the wee one. and the dr. just confirmed all that. that little girl is going to have a great life because of you.
Posted 17 May 2008 at 6:12 pm ¶i’ve not been reading for all that long.. about a week, at best. but i wanted you to know that i’m following along with your story. and i look forward to watching you and madeline grow and learn together.
you’re an inspiration. and i think more men should be like you… willing to step up to the plate for your child, no matter the circumstances. you 2 are in my prayers!
so glad that Friday was better than Thurs.
Also, kudos to you - young Dad, passing with flying colors from the dev. psychologist. Way to go. You are doing great!
I think the pictures of Madeline in her Aqua blue outfit clearly show that it’s “her color”!
Posted 17 May 2008 at 6:30 pm ¶Wow, what a perfect night light!
Glad to hear you got confirmation that you were awesome. Lol. We all knew that already! Oh, and Baby Legs make for some adorable pictures!!
Posted 17 May 2008 at 6:54 pm ¶Hey Matt and Madeline! Well, I’m glad you got confirmation you are doing a good job, but we all know that you are a wonderful dad!
I’m loving the robot night light! How cool is that?
Madeline is so cute! She must surprise you everyday with the new things she discovers.
It really shows what kind of person Liz was when she could put such an impact on people just over the phone.
Thinking of you and your daughter always!
Posted 17 May 2008 at 7:14 pm ¶Damn! You are doing a good job, Daddy!
Baby legs are the bomb, and those ones are tres cute. But, you are right. The robot night light wins the prize for best gift of the day.
Posted 17 May 2008 at 7:51 pm ¶Matt…this thought keeps coming to me when I am reading your entries and so far I have just pushed it away. What thought you ask…I keep thinking that all of this whole story sounds so much like something that should be shared with the world on an even bigger level than this blog allows. Maybe in book form but it keeps reminding me of a movie that I would like to watch. This may sound nuts to you and I hope it is not offensive. Your personal tragedy is so huge and deep that I’m sure you couldn’t even come close to sharing it on that level…yet. If that ever became possible so many people would benefit from knowing about your courage and love. Like I said…maybe nuts. The crazy lady in Texas is still pulling for you and sweet Madeline.
Posted 17 May 2008 at 8:05 pm ¶I almost ordered some robot baby legs for Madeline that I found on etsy the other day. I know I am only one of those strangers/friends, but I think you are such an inspiration. You ARE doing such a fantastic job with that beautiful baby. I have six of my own, 11 and under, but I think you might be able to teach me a thing or two. =) What a gift you are giving your daughter. Not only will she have all of these memories of Liz through your writings, but she will have a whole blog full of details journaling her first weeks, months, even years if you continue. That sure beats the hell out of a plain old baby book. Soldier on…know that we are all pulling for you and praying for you daily.
Posted 17 May 2008 at 8:46 pm ¶if only every parent could have a pro parent analyzer come and give feedback- and if ONLY- man- if only- all those hypothetical pros found EVERY parent loving up their wee one’s like you do your Madeline.
what a world we would have hey?
Filled with gorgeous bloomin’ bundles of bliss.
Never let anyone tell you that your role as a parent came from tragedy-
I have read your words.. “what choice do I have?”
your parenting successfully because you are a wonderful parent- Because you love your daughter-
Posted 18 May 2008 at 12:28 am ¶and because she was created with true love and intention.
You do not have to strive to be “as good” as her mother- or any mother.
You can just be a wonderful father because you simply are.
We could have told you that…but sometimes it’s nice to hear it from a professional too!
Posted 18 May 2008 at 7:36 am ¶Sorry, I forgot to ask how do I send something to Madeline? Do I just send it to the bank? That doesn’t sound right…do you have PO? thanks so much!
Posted 18 May 2008 at 10:45 am ¶good grief….of course you have great maternal instincts; you have great instincts period. No need to try and figure out which are maternal and which are paternal. You love your child…..
Of course, I noticed that you are quite the materno/guy ” cute outfit?” ….tee hee…..keep that one to yourself…;)
Day at a time friend…..
Posted 18 May 2008 at 11:33 am ¶I got directed here, and I have to say.. Ohhyahh dude. You are doing great. I am in awe of you. You are the nutz.
I am SO sorry for your loss, but seeing how you are coping has just made you my hero. You are doing everything Liz would have wanted you to. She is so totally guiding you.
Posted 18 May 2008 at 7:16 pm ¶the pic of the belly button book made me a little squishy. my kids loved that book. my son still makes me read it to him even though he is a 5 year old dude.
Posted 19 May 2008 at 12:18 pm ¶much love to you and maddie
Matt - so glad you got the package and enjoyed the notes. You said you have a lot to learn (maybe in the way of baby girl apparel - loved the swimsuit picture), but I think the dev. psych. was right - you have great maternal instincts and you’re doing marvelously with Madeline. That said, we’ll be happy to send along any hand written notes with advice if you need it.
Now on to something else that I’ve been wanting to say: when my dad was so sick and after he passed away, I had a Caringbridge Website, that I frequently updated (1x, 2x, 3x a day depending on how good things were going or weren’t going). There were mountains of people (complete strangers as well) who were interested in how we were all doing and they were so great with their love and advice and genuine caring. Originally I had started posting on the website so I could keep people updated without having to send 200 e-mails or return 30 phone calls, especially when there was bad news, and it was therapeutic for a long time and it was so good to be able to think of all the wonderful(ly at times painful) memories. But, then sometimes I had to a go a few days without posting, to let my own grieving creep in - without an audience - and that was okay - to take some days away from the constant attention. I’ll never presume to tell you how to do anything, but as a stranger friend, I wanted to say that it’s okay to not post everyday if it ever gets onerous.
Our hearts to you, Kathleen (Steve & Magdalene too)
Posted 21 May 2008 at 8:05 pm ¶The cow says Mooo
The sheep says Baaa
Three singing pigs say La La La!
We LOVE that book at our house! I can recite the whole damn thing.
Posted 17 Jul 2008 at 7:38 pm ¶Post a Comment