woke up early
to escape the
house before the
a/c guys arrived.
went to the coffee shop
in atwater village,
(again).
read some e-mails
while awesome auntie deb worked.
got one from our
our friends at cribsheet.
they posted a
follow-up post
on us and some of the
sweet people
who’ve shown us extra kindness.
that post made me blush a little.
(they’re so nice to us)…
also got a message from
a stranger friend jodi a.
who had asked a
few weeks ago if
she could write a little
something about us
and feature it on
another web site.
i agreed and it is online.
(she did a very nice job).
spent the early afternoon
holding madeline,
sleeping in a chair
occasionaly awakened by
(female) patrons saying
things like,
“ahhhh!”
“cute!”
“oh my god!”
(pretty sure they were talking about madeline).
one old man
commented on madeline.
he said,
“she’s beautiful! and i’m not a pedophile!”
sweet.
thanks for that.
another man said
the same thing to
me a few days back.
now, since madeline was born
a total of three
male strangers
(this excludes men with women or men with children…their women generally prod them to make some sort of comment and men with babies get it).
have acknowledged her presence
with words,
and two have claimed
that they’re
not pedophiles.
what then, about that
third guy?
this begs a broader
question.
is this pedophile thing
the reason most men don’t look
at, or comment on
another person’s baby?
(further research to follow).
after the coffee shop
we went to visit
the doctor so
i could have my
leg checked out and
to have my stitches removed.
fun.
walked in carrying
madeline in her car seat,
(below the counter and out of view).
the receptionist said,
“you’re the guy with the beautiful baby!”
i lifted her up
as the rest of the ladies
gathered around the window
one said,
“ahhhh…she’s so cute”
then came all the
usual female questions.
“how many weeks?”
“how much does she weigh now?”
“how long is she”
eight women.
not one comment about
not being a pedophile.
should i be worried?
and never,
not even once
in 8+ weeks
has a woman
claimed to not be
a pedophile.
(seriously…should i be worried about all women?)
anyway.
the stitches came out
as the nurse stared at
liz’s
rings on my finger.
no questions,
so i gave no explanation.
let him wonder.
on the way out
of the parking structure
we got a call
from diane.
she invited us up to
the disney offices
so i could show madeline
off to
liz’s
former coworkers.
we interrupted at least
one meeting
and killed productivity
for about 2 hours
(sorry).
nice to see the
people i know,
nice to meet the people
i didn’t.
madeline even got a
little gift out of
the visit.
avoided
liz’s
office.
will return another day
to help clear it out.
(maybe).
went home
and found a couple
of packages on the porch.
a stranger friend (and frequent commenter), dawn from pittsburgh,
sent madeline
a really nice outfit.
and a stranger friend heather l. from the mt.
(she goes to college with my brother david)
sent this awesome gift:
she also sent
a very touching
note.
after the gift opening
we met up with anna.
i suggested that we hit the
polish restaurant in my
neighborhood for
dinner.
liz
was looking forward
to visiting
this place.
we ate sausage,
pierogies and boiled vegetables
in her honor.
it was awesome
(seriously. check that place out if you’re ever in the 90065).
made it home
at 9:30pm
and i fell asleep
at 9:45,
madeline in my arms.
awesome auntie deb
took over from there,
even acting as my answering
service to let visitors know
that i was down
for the count.
(sorry, rhonda).
i forgot just
how awesome
sleep really is.
79 Comments
good for you! rest is good.
I am so happy that you are finally getting some much needed sleep!!!!
welcome to parenthood.
sleep is a wonderful thing.
good for you—-
I was getting worried! I look forward to your post!
Be glad you slept, it makes for a better day.
Good for you for getting some much needed rest!
9:45? Heck, that’s nothing. I’ve fallen asleep at 8:30. Of course, I’m not much of a night owl. But these little people will wear you out! In a good way, of course.
Yay Matt! Any time you can get sleep with a baby around, is a good time. Don’t worry about us; we can wait!
That’s great that you got some sleep! Look forward to your post later. Have a wonderful day!
Hi! I’m new to your blog. I want to give my condolences on the loss of your beautiful wife, and also my congratulations on your gorgeous child (and getting some sleep!). We used to live in Atwater Village (Seneca Avenue), but are now in the Bay Area. Take care!
Sleep is a good thing , glad your getting a bit more …
I’m so glad you’re getting some rest.
Looking forward to today’s post.
Lots of love…
Sleep when you can. I always make the mistake of trying to get things done when my little girl is asleep.
I enjoy your posts and it is amazing you post every day. You are allowed to take a break every so often.
You get your much-needed rest Matt!
And know that there are tons of people who wait to check up on you and Madeline every single day.
It’s certainly the first thing I do everyday.
Eshwari
In those early days of parenthood, a little extra sleep can make you feel like a new person. Glad you got some extra zzzzz’s
I’m glad you got some rest! I’m just another stranger who has been lurking around reading your site. Since I bookmarked you, I suppose I’ll be lurking around a lot longer. (Is it still lurking if I told you?) OH well.
I’m glad you got to sleep at 9:45. For someone with a baby, that’s a perfectly reasonable bedtime. Heck, I’d go to sleep at that time too if I didn’t have kids . . .
LMAO sleep…as the parent of a 10 month old, I often wonder about sleep and when I will meet him again…
Gave you a call at 10:00 as planned. Deb said you were sleeping?!?!?!
I was thrilled to hear it and wasn’t about to disturb you! So glad you got some sleep!
Good — you needed it!
A good night of sleep = the makings of a *great* Thursday. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!
Welcome to parenthood. sleep is golden
ahhhhhhhhh sleep.
sleep is good!
Good for you Matt. Get it while ya can. Though heck…some nights…I’m such a party animal myself…I consider 9:45 late. hehe
=)
Glad you got some much needed zzzzzzzzzz. Take it when you can get it
Hey Matt. Came across your blog a few days ago and have been here ever since, catching up on what I missed. Just wanted to say I’m so sorry about your wife, she was a very beautiful person. Your daughter is so precious, i’m happy at least you have her as your silver lining on that dark cloud.
I hope you face little problems raising her and she grows up happy and healthy. She has a great dad, and a great family.
Thank you for sharing your story.
I have been lurking here for about 3 weeks and have never commented until today but thank you for your updates. Today brought a smile to my face. You are a truly an amazing person and father and have a beautiful daughter.
sometimes people just say the weirdest most inappropriate things when it comes to babies. I had a woman stop me in target and kept telling my baby how “sexy” she was. Seriously — sexy? Yuck.
Great update. Hope that the a/c people are wrapped by the end of the week, so that you guys can be more comfortable. But, it’s been really fun hearing about all your travels through the installation. Madeline is getting so big! And, I think she’s looking more and more like you. You are doing an amazing job. I’m in awe, and this is from a mom of two little girls. Have a wonderful day!
Matt, you are straight-up, hands-down, out-of-control amazing.
Hi, I am new to your blog. I just want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I came across your blog from anothers (it was actually about infertility). I just got married and my husband and I are trying (already!!)
I hope you get all the rest you can. Your little one is adorable!
Ya know one things i always seem to glean from your site is hunger and jealousy for your access to good food stuffs.
I live in a small town and we have been to every option restaurant wise- several times each i bet-
something new and random would be sweet.
I know my husband started to notice babies after we decided to have our first- he always talks to the babies and children- before he will speak to adults generally- and i can admit that his open attitude and playful manner does seem to make people question his intent- which is sad- cause I can say the exact same shit and no one nods in my direction.
I know dads who have been stared down at the park for being out with their own children- or even questioned about who the children are and why they *have them*.
I notice from your comments as well- People assume your some super hero for parenting your own child- it is a sad statement concerning fathers really.
I know a funny pedophile joke- but on second thought I wont post it in your comments section- less I be the outcast commentor.
HA! I have always wondered why men dont comment as well. It must be the pedophile thing!
Oh, that is too funny about the men claiming to not be pedophiles…god, our society is really f-ing everybody up!! Today, you really made me laugh, and I hope you have been able to do the same here and there…I still can’t believe these men felt the need to point this fact out. Maybe you need to come up with a good comeback for this…like”Oh, you’re not? Thats too bad..” (I am TOTALLY kidding of course). Glad that Madeline got all the attention she deserves today…she looks a little frightened in the photo with Mickey….Although, come to think of it, a life size rodent in a renaissance outfit might give me a scare as well.
Love the polish restaurant’s claim of “So Healthy!” Not exactly what comes to mind when I think of Polish food, but damn its good stuff
Hope all is well and today is a brighter day. Glad that you were able to get some sleep, that can make a world of difference…
~Maureen
Hi M&M~
Glad to see you are getting some rest! Madeline is looking a lot like you these days. I hope you have a good day and that air is up and running soon.
How generous you are to worry about all us (strangers/friends) out here who check up on you each morning. One day we must ALL meet and share a real moment together…breathe the same air, laugh, cry….. You inhabit a place in so many of our lives, and I am so sorry it had to happen out of tragedy……It is amazing the way your story has touched so many people and forced them out of indifference or cynicism and into action and emotion…..just companies who sell products with robots alone are stunned by the increase in sales… Glad you slept.
Love the Polish restaurant pictures and descriptions. Reminds me of Kramarczuk’s in (the) Minneapolis. If you haven’t already been there, you’ll have to visit on your next trip back. Yum yum. It’s right across the street from Nye’s.
Funny – my husband is home full time with our 2 year old son and our eight month old son and he doesn’t seem to care about the lack of male attention when he has the boys – he just seems to appreciate all the ladies taking the time to comment:-)
Glad to hear about your and Madeline’s day – it sounds a little brighter than the day before!
Sleep is THE wonder drug…thrilled that you are able to get some for you–it’s for Madeline, too. What a wonder-man you are! You are truly blessed with family and friends.
from Minneapolis
Matt – so glad to hear you finally got some sleep. Madeline grows more beautiful with every passing day, and it is nice to see you losing the dark circles under your eyes!!
I hope you have a good Thursday. You are doing an amazing job.
Thinking of you in the mn…..
The first picture that you are holding Madeline at Disney, she looks just like you. She looks adorable (and I am not a pedophile – but am a woman, I just don’t want you to be questioning all of us female types who gush over your little girl).
Sleep, glorious sleep. We don’t meet as often these days as we should but I am so glad to hear that he is visiting another new parent. Okay 90% glad, 10% jealous, well 80% glad…
Haha, sooooo funny about the “healthy” Polish food (as advertised in the window). I’m Polish. There’s NOTHING healthy about Polish food or the whole way of cooking, period!
I’m happy to hear you got some rest last night. A person can face just about anything with a decent nights sleep behind them.
I’m glad to see that Madeline’s package arrived. I know it’s probably going to be too warm (hot) for her to wear it out, but crank up the a/c and she can wear it at home.
Wishing you a wonderful Thursday!
Oh, god! After reading Hawkfeathers comments about not being the “outcast blogger”, maybe my post came out wrong..crap…Just to be clear-don’t think Pedophia is funny, I actually love Mickey Mouse, and Im sure there IS polish food that is very healthy…so, hopefully I didnt offend anyone, most of all, Matt…or Madeline!
The comments from gentlemen about not being a pedophile are so sad. We have 8 children, and my husband often has them out and about, without any real comment. (We live in a small town, everyone knows us). On the other side is a sad fact, my husband never fails to stop to help someone in a broken down vehicle, or a child that has fallen off a bike, but is always afraid that someone will think he has some sinister motive. It makes him nervous to be helpful! My poor husband has a serious case of “must help the damsel in distress” syndrome, and so does what needs to be doen anyway, but there is always that fear that his actions will be misinterpreted. Sad, sad thing. Most men are good, most dads should take an active role, and it is so sad when people assume the worst when you see a man out with a child alone. Absurd, really.
You have a beautiful daughter, and no, you don’t have to worry about all of us women not mentioning the fact that we are not pediophiles! We really do just have a thing for babies – makes us all a little nutty and hormonal! Blessings and prayers to you and maddy, every single day!
Megan in Ohio
I’ve never questioned why guys don’t comment on babies. I just assumed they weren’t interested.
I know I always have to push my husband by saying things like “isn’t he/she just adorable?”
I’m glad your doctor’s appt went well.
Sounds like yesterday was a pretty good day overall. I hope today is even better.
Happy to hear you got some sleep. It awesome that Deb is there to give you lots of help and moral support.
It looks like Maddy has grown a bunch since your last post. I love how wide eyed she is.
It is amazing what some people will say, but it is true that for some reason, if a man makes a comment about a baby being beautiful that he will be considered a pedophile. Ryan (my fiance) will rarely look at a baby if I point a cute baby in the mall.
Glad to hear you are getting a little more sleep. Little Madeline gets cuter every day. I am lol at all the pedophile business. Love your writing.
The restaurant sounds yummy.
I am so glad that you have Auntie Deb to help you out and to just hang out and keep you company.
i have a theory about men not commenting on babies when they’re not with their wives… they don’t think it’s cool (which is just stupid anyway), but the pedophile thing is crazy too. Lots of pedophiles in CA?? Hmmm… just teasing.
Congrats on the sleep.
heh- poor maureen.
I will post my totally inappropriate joke if ya want.. than you don’t have to worry about people thinking your evil.
it s from RVB-
and I guess since this all get screened- if it is unwanted it can just not get posted. heh
either way I doubt anyone thought you supported pedophiles..
Church: [Frank has arrived too late to save Tex's life] First of all, great job on the Tex, man. Mission accomplished. Secondly, the way that we need you to assist is to help us kill all the Reds.
Frank DuFresne: Well, even if my orders didn’t prohibit me from doing that, I still wouldn’t. I joined the army as a conscientious objector.
Tucker: Consci… who?
Frank DuFresne: I’m a pacifist.
Caboose: …You’re a thing that babies suck on?
Tucker: No, dude, that’s a pedophile.
Church: Tucker, I think he means a pacifier.
Tucker: Oh, yeah. Right. Man, I was totally thinking about something else.
Church: That’s real classy, Tucker.
Wow good to hear you got sleep, I kepy waiting and checking back with you to see how your day went. Nonetheless, I too am a lucky 30 yr young parent and if I happen to stay up past 10:30p, its not only late but amazing and I feel young again! haha keep up the good work and look forward to hearing how your thurs. went
Now Matt, we’re supposed to be making you laugh, not the other way around.
Long-time reader, first-time commenter, and I just have to agree with everyone else – you are amazing – you are doing an amazing job with that beautiful baby girl – you’re in my thoughts and prayers every day!
Thank you so much for letting us all into your life!
Glad you got lots of sleep! After 6 months, I don’t think any guy has commented on my little one.. We don’t even get many “oohs” and “aahs” from women.. I’m fairly certain it’s because I’m not the friendliest looking person in the world, haha. People probably think I would scowl at them or something.. I think that a pedophile probably wouldn’t say anything at all, just lurk and stare.. so I think you don’t have to worry about the adoring ladies!!
PS, I love your sense of humor.. you crack me up. And that Polish restaurant looks cozy.
People say some weird shit. A guy in Target once told my husband (who was with our then-1-year-old son) that one could get a lot of money on the black market for a baby who looked like that.
Ew.
I found your blog yesterday. I sat down and read every entry- in a few hours. Tears were rolling down my face the whole time. I shared the link with a few friends- they had tears as well. We wanted to pretend this was a work of fiction. After reading just the “What Happened” entry my heart was broken.
But your story is beautiful. Tragic yet beautiful. You are an amazing father- I can tell by just reading about it. And you are going to raise one amazing little girl!
I can’t wait to read more and more. And I’m glad you got some sleep last night. And I am really glad that you have such awesome family (unless I missed it and they are all friends that are awesome) to help you out daily.
OMG, you guys!!! That “helpmattandmadeline” blog is just awesome! Bravo to you!
Hey matt its Taylor. Was reading your blog and I’m glad you got some sleep. Madeline is looking fantastic, strong and healthy. Heard you got mario kart, I have it to and maybe we could play when you got time my wii # is 4452-9749-9561-1359. Oh forgot to mention, A wii game that would be alot of fun for you and auntie Deb, would be “Steven Spielbergs Boom Bloxs” addictive and easy way to pass time. Anyways, Madeline is looking beautiful, you are continuing to be an awesome father and brother and your blogs are getting just as awsome and funny. Glad there are people to look after Madeline so you can get your sleep. Love you matt and hope to see you on Mario Kart.
Your brother,
Taylor
that was the cutest thing in Cute town.
what a comment.
aww
Madeline looks great and she looks like she really loves her mickey! My husband and I love Disney so of course that if my favorite pic. I have not sent anything to you, but I do light a candle for you both every Sunday at mass. Hope the AC is in soon so you can enjoy it.
Congrats on getting some sleep.
Sounds like Madeline was quite a hit at Disney.
Sorry about the weird comments. Maybe we women should add “don’t worry, I’m not a kidnapper” when we coo over stranger’s babies. We took our daughter (almost 5 months old) to Lowe’s this past weekend and some guy coming out of the store said that with that face she could sell Campbell’s soup. Um okay. Thanks for the compliment (?).
Do any guys ever comment on your baby and NOT mention whether or not they have pedophiliac tendencies?
Regardless, she’s beautiful and people are bound to tell you so. Just wait until she can smile back at them!
Matt, honestly, I start my day off reading your blog. It’s the first Web site I go on in when I get up, and probably the last one at night. Thanks for inspiring me to start my own!
Awesome auntie Deb rocks!!! So glad she’s around to help you. I can see the resemblance in the picture of her and Madeline asleep on the sofa.
How sweet is your brother Taylor! (Bet you never referred to him as sweet.) Enjoy mariokart with him. (I may have to look into this wii thing myself. I have four nephews, two old enough to play – how fun!)
Hope tonight finds you in the midst of sweet sleep (and dreams.)
Too funny! ; ) That’s a great observation. I noticed Madeline has some dry skin on her face. You may want to put some lotion on it. I was weird about lotions and chemicals on my babies, so I used olive oil. I know it sounds weird but it helped. My daughter had the worst craddle cap and dry skin on her face. Plus, if she put her hands in her mouth I didn’t have to worry about the crap in it!
Sending sleepy dust to you!
Love from Michigan.
So happy you were able to get some sleep! and I wouldn’t worry about the men and pedophile comments, its probably a manly way of saying that ” I feel awkward saying this, but your baby is awesome!” I think of you both daily and happy to see you are continuing to enjoy things that made Liz smile. Love, Sara
Well done, keep taking sometime to sleep, it pays off.
Take care!
So glad to hear that you got some sleep Matt! I always made the mistake of trying to get caught up on other things when my babies slept, I was constantly exhausted. Madeline is geting bigger by the day. You are, like I’ve said before, an amazing Daddy!
Below are links to two different articles your post brought to mind that I thought you might find interesting — not so much about the I’m-not-a-pedophile phenom, but about how dads are treated when they’re primary caretakers in general, and the isolation they sometimes experience because of societal (and often female primary caretakers’) attitudes…
http://www.nashvillescene.com/Stories/Columns/Suburban_Turmoil/2008/01/31/Dad_Core_Is_Hard_Core
http://www.onenationnews.com/fullstory.asp?newsid=6044
I expect your overall experience will be quite different (and your awesome support system invaluable), but I’m sure there’ll be times ahead when these things resonate…
One last thing: if ONE night of decent sleep felt good, try a whole week in a row…go ahead, I dare ya!
So glad to hear you got some sleep. It sounds like it was much needed. Maddie is beautiful as always, I love looking for your updates, thankyou for sharing your amazing story.
g’night lil’ family!
~love~ 2 u all…
Hi Matt. Well, I wanted to say that I really do think Madeline is gorgeous and I’m not a pedophile.
I think it’s sad that men feel the need to explain themselves, they should feel free to comment on someone’s baby without the risk of coming across as weird. That said, unless I’m with one of my own kids, I’ve gotten nasty looks from mums whose babies I’ve smiled at. I guess having a baby/kid gives you the license to comment or smile at someone else’s.
Thanks for another touching post, hope the ac guys finish up soon and leave your place wonderfully cool!
Jo
Okay, the pedophile thing is hilarious! I can’t believe guys would actually add that. lol
I’m so glad you have such caring friends and family, Matt. It seems like you have the whole world in your corner, cheering you on.
That’s an interesting social experiment you now have going with the pedophile vs. not a pedophile. Clearly interested in the more to follow on that one….
And I swear, I get hungry every time I sit down to read your update, man you got some good eats around there.
Me, I got some left over “hotdish”….(insert sad Minnesota accent that the rest of the world believes we all have)….and no I don’t really have hotdish…today.
Kat
Most women are not pedophiles, they just see babies and oogle because they:
a)want babies
b)have babies
c)want grandchildren
d)have grandchildren.
I think those guys probably felt the need to explain that they weren’t pedophiles because:
a) most dudes don’t oogle babies, and they knew they were rare for appreciating baby cuteness
b) they actually were pedophiles and were trying to throw you off their track
c)I don’t have a c
I’ve been reading your blog and I love how honest you are and am touched by what a great father you are. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it must be to even get out of the bed everyday, but I admire your strength and courage. I’m sure Liz is really proud of you!
Completely off topic from everyone else’s comments but:
What did Liz do, it sounds like she worked for the Disney company? From the photo’s of her it looks like she was a fun loving person who really lived life. And Disney seems like the perfect place for her to have worked. What was it that she did there?
Disclaimer: I’m here by my wife’s msg on IRC:
this post reminded me of you
http://www.mattlogelin.com/archives/2008/05/22/wednesday-4/
heh
pedophile
I’m someone who might say something like “…but I’m not a pedophile.” Why? I’d have to say Maureen hit the nail on the head- society is pretty abgefuckt. There are many innocent and uncreepy kid-things that an male can’t say without immediately becoming suspect to many parents. I’ve used the “not a pedophile” line before, and it was mostly motivated by the reactions (real and imagined) that parents have had. That, and once my wife pointed out to me that someone who looks like me (large bearded man with a fair bit of muscle, even more fat) might be intimidating or even a bit creepy to some women, regardless of my words or acts. I used to be under the mistaken assumption that because I was protected by being a jovial, talktaive and smiley sort of chap.
I’ve never heard a parent say “Jimmy! Get away from that man! He’s a pedophile!” But I’ve had a parent grab onto their kid’s arm and yank him or her back and shot me a dirty look when I said something or made some faces. I’ve had this happen a number of times. In none of these situations have I don’t anything red-flag like make physical contact or ask the kid to come over, etc.
Because the “not a pedophile” line is so suspicious in and of itself, I just avoid making faces at kids more often than not. It just isn’t worth it. Which is sad, IMHO.
Glad you got some sleep. It’s so weird to comment on a total strangers blog, but oh well. Since my daugher’s name is the same (spelled Madelynn), I think it’s all right…
Just wanted to tell you that I tried that handprint thing you got when Maddy (my daughter) was about 3 months old – it was a nightmare. The trick is to get them while they’re sleeping, but my baby doesn’t sleep (or she didn’t at that time – too fussy, etc). So, I hope you have better luck than I did – at the end of that disaster both of us were on the floor, crying.
I have been following your story for a while and have wanted to email or write but couldn’t decide when it would be appropriate. I decided that I would pitch in for the pedophile part of the conversation. (high five).
While I don’t like strange folks touching my babies (6, 2.5 and 1) I can’t stand folks that won’t acknowledge kids. I make a point to interact with most young uns i see. I do it for selfish reasons. If I can make anyone under 2 smile, it makes my day.
I admire your strength and commitment. I wish you the best and if you’ll give me a little info, my wife and I would love to send you some stuff.
Take care of yourself and that little girl.
Todd
I have been following your blog for sometime now and even the happy days bring tears to my eyes. You have done your wife such a great honor and tribute, it is almost as if you are writing this blog so she will not miss a beat in her precious baby girls life~ God Bless you and sweet Madeline, she is very lucky to have a great father such as youself who clearly loved her mother so so dearly.
Daddy, it’s your special day,
And it’s time for me to say
I’m so glad for all you do.
Thank you, Daddy, I love you!