happy 9-week birthday, madeline.
woke up early
to say goodbye to
grandma broccoli and grandpa rodney.
before leaving, they gave
madeline her 9/52 week birthday gift
they left and we
went back to sleep.
madeline is perfect.
she knows i’m tired
so she allowed me
to stay in
bed until 11:30
(sleeping is so sweet).
9 weeks ago today,
she entered the world,
screaming quietly.
9 weeks later,
she screams a lot louder.
(okay, no one’s perfect).
but she screams
only when necessary.
and in this case,
she needed a diaper change.
took care of that
and got her ready
for today’s adventure.
heard from jasmine.
she asked if i wanted
to meet her and david
at amoeba.
well, how can i say
no to that invitation?
met them at 1:30
and we all got a few
things we needed.
from there i decided
to do a little more
me shopping.
i was supposed to meet
some friends, but it
didn’t happen.
no big deal.
call it a missed connection.
either way,
i need some jeans that fit
(still can’t get that weight back on)
so i went to the new
open-air mall that
just opened by my house
(the one liz would have loved).
and bought myself
some jeans.
and not the ones i would
have bought.
no.
i bought the ones
liz
would have bought
for me
(read: fancy pants).
she would be so proud.
went home after the
shopping trip.
opened up the 9/52 week birthday
gift from grandma candee and grandpa tom g.
got a visit from
catherine, tim & isabelle.
we chatted for a while
and i got a look
into my future
and i’m excited.
(soon i’ll have an interactive baby that can crawl and pull herself up on the furniture).
catherine and family left
and i spent the rest
of the night
listening to music
(madeline loves the bonnie “prince” billy’s lie down in the light and the wiley’s play time is over…strange).
and
talking to a new
friend in the vancouver
who helped me more than
any professional therapist
could have.
(thanks, rachel…i think you missed your calling).
a great day.
tuesday awaits, ready to
break my glass jaw.
Good Morning Matt,
I was just browsing through some of your fotos. Awesome that you have so many of Liz. Did she ever not smile for a picture? She looked so darn happy all.the.time. I also stumbled on to her site where she had her favorites posted. She must have enjoyed India a lot since it was promptly featured there, along with pics of you of course. Oh and do you know what she wrote in her profile? “I’m female and taken”. I got a laugh out of that. Seems like she loved you just as much as you love her.
She really is so radiant in her pics that I just have to believe that that radiance is still reaching you & Madeline today and everyday. I hope little Madeline grows up to be just like her Mama. With you by her side showing her the way, how can she not?
Hey Matt- I’ve been lurking for about a week.
Just wanted to jump on and say happy 9 weeks big girl!!
Happy 9-week birthday, Madeline!
Happy 9 week birthday Madeline! I wish her a happy birthday each week as I am wishing my son a happy birthday…they’re just one day apart in age! Oh how quickly they are growing up! Enjoy this week!
Happy 9 week birthday madeline!!
You guys have been in my thoughts lately! So much that I actually had a dream about your and madeline! You lived across the street from a Chinese restaurant that you guys ordered a lot from but yet they wouldn’t deliver to you because they didn’t know where you lived and couldn’t understand english…so I jumped in to the rescue and spoke to them in Chinese (yes..I’m Chinese) so that they could deliver your food!! Ahh….the important things in life!
Hi M&M!
Was out of town the past few days and just got all caught up on your daily happenings.
Glad that G-ma & G-pa got to visit the both of you in LA… G-ma broccoli sure was holding her grandbaby tight and looked like she would have brought Maddy home with her if you’d have let her!
And I’m sorry to see that Awesome Auntie Deb had to head back to SF. Very cool how much time she got to spend with the both of you though. @Deb - you truly are AWESOME!
Was thinking about you guys all weekend, knowing that it was the 2 month marker - both for Madeline and for Liz. Sorry that the past couple of days have been mostly pretty shitty… I wish I had some lovely words of wisdom that I could share, but I don’t. Just know that, as always, I’m thinking about you guys and hoping that this Tuesday is a little less sucky than last Tuesday…
Hugs,
Katie
Happy 9 weeks!
I found your blog through a friend. I had my big 8lb 8ozer on March 18 so not much before Madeline’s birth. Almost a year ago my friends and I lost a dear friend who passed during childbirth as well. There’s nothing anyone can say to make it better. It sucks ass…plain and true. My heart goes out to you. It looks like you are doing a remarkable job with Madeline. She’s beautiful. Happy 9 weeks Madeline!
Happy 9wks Maddy!
Happy birthday Madeline!
Happy 9 Week Birthday Maddy! You are such a lucky little girl to have an amazing daddy who loves you so much! Keep making him smile!
Happy 9 Weeks to Madeline! Time sure flies by when you’re growing up!
Happy 9 weeks Madeline!!
Happy 9 weeks Maddy!
Yeah for 9 weeks! As for Tummy time- throw her on the red, funky pillow (Boppy)- her upper body will be propped up and it will make tummy time a little less uncomfortable. Also, put a mirror under her so she can stare at herself. I took my daughter to Gymboree classes- they do 5 minutes of tummy time at the start of every class and all babies distract each other- it is a great way to get them to go the whole 5 minutes.
Happy 9 weeks, Madeline! Hope you’re both having a great day!
Seven for All Mankind jeans are THE BEST
They are my faves and I’m so glad you got yourself a pair. Enjoy them! I love the piggy bank and the super cute (I can’t believe I just used that word either) onesie.
Glad you had a great day. I can’t believe how much Madeline is growing.
:::big hugs from Florida:::
happy birthday to the madeline! i hope today is a good day for both of you!
Hi Matt, i stumbled across your blog today and i have been reading it non stop since this morning… I’m very sorry for your loss - in your own words, it really does f*cking suck and i am very sorry for that. You actually remind me a lot of my brother so as stalkerish as it sounds, i am going to continue to check your blog…your story has me captivated. I bet you dont realize how much you inspire people with your stength. I can tell that you are a wonderful father. Happy 9 weeks to your sweet baby girl. I hope that she brings you more joy than you could ever imagine.
amazing how fast 9 weeks can go. glad you and madeline had a nice day together. love the fact that you bought yourself the jeans Liz would have. good for you!!! she is near. watching over you and madeline. seeing how remarkable both of you are.
Matt,
She is looking so good, alert and cute as always. You should give yourself a pat on the back for being such a great daddy!
Happy b-day sweet girl. You are such a beautiful gift. Thank you Matt for sharing her with us.
happy 9/52 sweet girl
hugs from Indiana
Sounds like a great 9 week birthday! Happy Birthday sweet Madeline!
You’re doing a wonderful job Matt.
I’ve been a lurker for some time now, but I just need to finally comment. I am a NICU nurse in Fargo, ND….but born and raised in MN. I came across your website from another photographer’s blog page who was asking for prayers for your family. Matt, you are doing an aweome job with Madeline! (I’m sure you’ve never heard that before) I love watching her grow in all of the beautiful pictures you take. I just wanted to let you know that along with the thousands of other people who read your blog, you are in my daily thoughts and prayers. I can’t wait for the day Madeline realizes how fortunate she is God chose you to be her Daddy. Keep up the good (great!) work!
Happy 9/52, Madeline! I love the first pic of her where she’s looking off to the side. I sure can see a LOT of Liz in her! She’s going to be gorgeous, just like her mom.
Hopefully you’ll start having some good days soon. It’s Tuesday, and I’m thinking of you….
ooops…how could I forget!! happy 9 weeks little beauty!!
I already posted happy birthday today but came back to read your Monday post and couldn’t help but comment on you seeing your future! I have a 7 month old little girl, Kylie, and she is so much fun now. She is crawling and will pull herself up and all that fun stuff. You will have such a blast! My daughter makes me laugh every single day! Have fun! They grow up so fast… enjoy this time too… you’ll miss it when she’s all over the place
Have a great day!
Awesome picture of the piggy bank Matt, absolutely love it. And glad to hear Madeline let you stay in bed- what a good little girl! Sounds like a wonderful day. Happy 9 week birthday Madeline!
Happy 9 Weeks Madeline
Happy 9/52 week birthday, Madeline! One day you’ll be old enough to know how loved you were (and are, and will be!).
Happy 9 weeks Maddy!
I am a lurker that has finally come into the light. I hope all is well out in LA. I’ll be sending prayers, good vibes, whichever you choose your way tomorrow Matt. It sucks. It really really sucks. And it always seems to happen to the best people. Sometimes I think it is because they were able to reach so many people so fast and make an impact. I lost a great friend when he was only 24 in a freak deck collapse, he was the best person I knew. All of us still rally around his memory 5 years later. I am sure the same will happen with Liz. You are a great dad, and you know it. Keep your head up tomorrow.
love from dc,
Erin
Happy 9 weeks! Beautiful pictures as always.
The crawling and pulling up are not far away….start the babyproofing now! LOL. My oldest is almost 12 and I swear we are still not done child proofing.
Just when we think we’ve got it, one of them changes the rules (my girls are almost 12 and 6 and my son is 3). I found my 3 year old using a mini orange safety cone as a stepladder the other day (someone gave them to him as a gift since he’s got an orange safety cone obsession going on) to reach heights previously left unscaled, all in search of the almighty cookie.
Love the new jeans. Good choice.
I hope that your Tuesday was a good one, and even a teeny bit less painful that last.
It sounds like you two had a nice day…especially the sleeping-in part. I love that first photo of the piggy bank.
Ooh I love the piggy bank shot, because you can see Madeline’s cute nursery reflected in it! Nice jeans!
My gosh, your little Princess Madeline is growing like a weed! She just gets more and more beautiful every day! I know Liz is watching over you both and is so very proud. May you find peace today and always knowing Liz is still with you in the beautiful little baby you hold in your arms.
Happy 9/52 Madeline. You are a beauty!!
Matt - sounds like yesterday was a pretty good day. I hope that you have many more that are each just a little bit better than the last.
Good thoughts and prayers are coming to you from the mn on this Tuesday.
A little retail therapy works wonders, doesn’t it?!? SO glad to hear you had a great yesterday … hoping today is just as wonderful!
happy 9 weeks Madeline!
You grow more beautiful every day!
Happy Birthday, smallest of smalls! I never met your mommy, but her pictures reveal beauty just like yours (especially those cheeks). All of us stranger/friends are thinking about you on your big 9 week day.
Matt - Nice work on the Seven’s. I must say… Liz would be not proud… but very very proud… you picked them out with out any help. Amazing
I hope you had a great today but that you have a better tomorrow.
Thinking of you two often,
Jenny
Matt,
I have been follwing your story for awhile now.
Here’s to you and Madeline!! Struggling with my own loss in 2008 (nothing compared to you) reading your blog in an inspiration.
C Nem, from Georgia
Hi Matt. Your photography is great. I love the one you took of the pig with your reflection in it. Have you seen “the mirror project” online? Here’s the web address. http://www.mirrorproject.com/submit/
I think you should submit it and have fun perusing the photos.
You most certainly will have an interactive baby very soon! My four month old is so much fun now. Lots of smiles and laughing too. Cherish every day with your little sweetie, they grow up way too fast.
Your turning into quite the shopper their Matt, I’m impressed! What everyone say’s is so true, they grow up so fast it’s unreal. My husband always jokes, “who taught them to speak” especially when they try to talk back to us (not really that often) Just wait, around 9 months - 12 months I found so miraculous every day was a new discovery seen through their eyes. You will have a little best bud with you 24/7 It really is an experience like no other. My oldest is turning 13 next week, this weekend is his Bar Mitzvah which in the Jewish religion is supposed to mean he’s a man (what a joke) Anyway it’s a traditional rite of passage, and it just blows me away that my baby is going to be a teenager. Hold on tight while you can.
haha. Not only will you have a baby who will crawl and pull herself up on the furniture, but you will have a baby who will throw things down the toilet and flush, throw food at the walls, break an endless amount of your things, and will take a temper tantrum at the moment something doesn’t go their way … but no matter how much trouble they get into, you will love her more and more everyday.
Just don’t think of the day she comes home and tells you she has a boyfriend. My husband is under the illusion it will never happen. lol. Let’s see how well that goes …
Happy 9 week birthday Maddy. Hopefully you have a better Tuesday then last Matt.
I have been checking out your blog for about a week. I hope some day you realize what a Super Hero you are for Madeline. I know it must be hard to be the Mother and the Father to a new baby but it sounds like you are doing a great job. You are fortunate to be surrounded by your family and friends in this difficult time(- not to mention all of your new friends). Every gift,note, thought you get you deserve for being that man that many could not be. You are an inspiration.
ps: you have great taste in music!
I happened upon your blog via another blog yesterday evening…and have read through every bit of it. I am a new mom (my son Ian was born 2/22…just a little older than Madeline!) Throughout today as I tended to my baby, I teared up…mainly because I was thinking about how stupid I am to get frustrated over the more mundane things (spit-up, short naps, etc…) when every moment with a loved one is one we may never get to have again. I was thinking about how though Liz didn’t get the chance to experience “motherhood” per se (the diapers, the struggles with breastfeeding, the sleepless nights)…she was her mother in every sense of the word in that she grew little Madeline, nurtured her, was on bedrest for her. She gave her best and her all for her.
Anyway, don’t know if any of that makes sense (it is after midnight, and my thoughts turn a little mushy at this time of day!)…but just wanted to let you know that I cuddled my son a little longer today after reading your story. You’re going to be an amazing dad, you already are, and you have some folks rooting for you here in GA.
Oh great Scott…another one of those days that follows Monday (give me a lifetime and maybe I will remember the name of it…) is done!! yeah…bye bye to whats-its-name, HELLO!!!! to Wednesday!! *kicking the door closed on it, locking it, bolting it and tossing the key down the toliet*
^man that feels good eh?
Hi Matt,
Happy 9 weeks on Earth to Madeline!
I hope this Tuesday was easier than some of the others. You and the Mini Blonde One are in my thoughts and prayers.
xxxxxx,
j.
I just found your blog and am heart wrenched and inspired by your courage, honesty, your writing and your photography. I am pained by your loss–it is so wrong and unforgivable and yet, you emerge from the ashes with such strength and beauty. I have an urge to hug you and cry with you but I don’t know you and it wouldn’t really help, so I want to do something but don’t know what, and something to say? to make it better? Right. I guess a couple of things come to mind (i) You can do this. You don’t want to have to do this alone. It’s not what you signed up for. But you have it in you. This is clear. You will surprise yourself. This is obvious to a stranger but sometimes we need to hear obvious things reinforced, and (ii) you will be transformed by Madeleine. Don’t worry if you sometimes feel like it kind of sucks (even apart from recent tragic loss) to adapt to life of parent of tiny infant (at least I thought so in dark moments I didn’t share at the time). IT GETS BETTER. Madeleine will beckon joy from the farthest corners of your soul and you will be in love in a new way that you never thought possible. It can only get better and better and better from here. Love to you.
happy 64th day little miss “M”……. you are growing so fast………
matt~ you are doing great..one day at a time…….
~g
Happy 9 weeks BD to Madeline!
And Happy 9 weeks ***KUDOS*** to Dad Matt for all of the work, tears, & LOVE he has put in to that precious little girl.
Your (stranger) friend,
Gina C
Birthday wishes for Madeline from West Virginia. Stumbled onto your blog about a month ago and I’m hooked. You are one amazing guy!!! As my 86 year old mother says….it’s one step at a time and they can be baby steps. Good Luck
Love the Sevens! Way to do something for yourself too:)
Still checking up on you!
Seriously, this kid has a WAY cooler wardrobe than I do. It’s so wrong that I want so many of her tee-shirts.
Glad you are continuing your musical and shopping expansion… good for the soul.
She is so beautiful.