(winner of the weight-guessing contest is mentioned in the middle of the post).
slept in today.
madeline slept for a solid
6.5 hours without
waking up
(i consider that “sleeping through the night” ’cause i don’t even sleep 6.5 consecutive hours).
a trait inherited from her
mom.
spent the morning
talking to johnny utah about
stuff and things.
we headed to lunch
around 11:30.
more cuban food in the
atwater village.
madeline was perfect,
sleeping in her carseat
while we enjoyed lunch
at the table on
the sidewalk.
we returned to the house.
johnny utah
left to take care of
some business in
west covina
(no, he’s not a hit man or anything like that).
i hung out with madeline,
sending long-overdue responses
to some e-mails
(i’m still way behind, sorry if i haven’t gotten to yours yet)
while she slept on
the couch next to me.
finally catching up
on some of my recent
music purchases.
still loving that
bonnie “prince” billy album
and now really enjoying that
new hayden album
i don’t know what
it is,
but every album i listen
to seems to be all about
sadness and death
(i think i’m projecting).
some packages arrived.
stranger friend sarah b-c. from the brooklyn
sent us some great books
(thank you! i’ve been meaning to pick up that sheffield book)
stranger friend val from the mn
sent some really sweet
blankets.
and
stranger friend stefanie r. from the ga
sent us a whole bunch
of practical items
as well as an awesome robot
t-shirt for madeline.
(love that snack cup as well).
it was time to
go to take my perfect
child to the doctor.
that perfect child
started screaming as soon
as i put her carseat
into the base.
tried to give her
the pacifier while driving
(exceedingly difficult while driving a car with manual transmission).
that didn’t work.
tried holding her hand.
that didn’t work.
tried rubbing her cheek.
nope.
we arrived at the doctor’s office,
madeline still screaming.
nothing like a widowed
father carrying his screaming,
inconsolable baby into
the waiting room.
oh the looks i got.
a father turned to me and said,
“you’re brave to do this without mom”
i turned to him and said,
“i have no choice. her mom passed away”
(i knew i’d find a way to use this photo)
instant tears for
the man and wife.
madeline’s name got called,
the crying couple
wished me luck.
and i carried my
not-so-perfect child
into the room.
she screamed through
her measurements
melissa f.
is the big winner.
she got closest without going over.
she guessed 7 lbs, 8 oz.
she was off by only 1/2 oz.
(i’ll be contacting her to find out where to send the prize).
that’s right,
7 lbs, 8.5 oz.
for those of you guessing
over 8 lbs, i guess
we’ve validated the belief that
the camera adds at least 10 oz.
madeline also grew length-wise.
she’s up to 20 5/8 inches.
(look at that progress!)
next came the visit
with the doctor.
madeline finally stopped
crying when she entered the room.
(she calms us both).
she said,
“madeline is doing amazingly well”
she also said that i am
doing a
“fabulous, fabulous job”
(i love seeing this doctor…she always makes me feel better).
glad to hear i’m
not ruining her.
next came the vaccines.
oral vaccine went down
easily.
(i guess it’s sweet-tasting).
then came the shots.
first shot
brought one of those
silent cries,
you know, the one.
the one that means she’s working
up to the biggest, loudest
cry of all time.
that cry came with
shot number 2.
she looked up
at me with
a look that said,
“you are the worst father in the world!”
shot number 3 increased
the volume even more
(damn, those little lungs are amazing),
but as
soon as that last
needle was removed,
the crying stopped.
everything is great again.
i rocked her in my
arms while she wide-eye
stared at me
with a look that
made me feel
like i was the best
father ever.
funny that my baby entered
crying, but left silent after
having 3 shots.
made it home in time
to find rhonda and
johnny utah waiting for us
on the porch.
rhonda offered to watch
madeline while johnny utah and i
went to dinner.
we took her up on
that offer, but first gave madeline
some infant tylenol to
ease her pain.
headed to the hollywood
for dinner.
driving down highland
reminded me why i
hate this part of town.
(lots of traffic, $10 parking).
we headed to this awesome
burger and wine bar
liz
used to take me
here as a reward for a week or two
of healthy eating.
(i was allowed a artery-clogging, heart-stopping meal once in awhile).
we learned that the
brobacks were in the area
so they came to watch
us eat.
(they had already eaten).
after beating johnny utah
in the eating contest
we left the restaurant
and headed to our car,
posing for a few photos
before leaving.
johnny met his doppelgänger.
made it home
rather quickly.
rhonda tells me
that madeline was great,
alternating between awake and asleep,
but never crying.
(good to hear she’s regained her status as a perfect child).
went to bed soon after.
another good day,
despite the shots.
really missed
liz
today.
she was so looking
forward to those doctor visits.
even missed hearing her tell
me that i couldn’t
have bacon and prosciutto
on my burger.
(i heard her voice…i only got the bacon).
89 Comments
Matt, you will keep Liz’s voice inside you, and she will continue to talk to you. That seems to be the way it works when we love people and lose them. You continue to amaze us……………………………
Glad to hear that she didn’t seem too phased by her shots. My boys always had the silent cry with their shots….the one that takes so long to work up that it comes out when the shots are over with!! But, as soon as I picked them up the crying stopped.
The burger looks yummy, too—even if it did have bacon only!
May you always hear Liz’s voice and know that she is watching over you and Madeline.
Way to grow Madeline! Great job dad
love the polaroids from the dr visit…great job with madeline’s growth progress. something our clinic does to help speed up the shots is ‘double-team’ them (two people give the shots at the same time)…that way they’re over faster, but it appears madeline tolerated them quite well…great job, often times the shots are harder on the parent, especially the first ones!
take care…have a great weekend!
Another lurker from MN. Glad to hear doctor visit went well…she is getting SO big and is as beautiful as ever.
I see you gave Madeline tylenol after you got back from the doc…I’ve always given my kids their tylenol before heading to the doc, so it has time to take effect before the shots do. Doc said it’s OK. And idea for her next set of shots.
the shots get easier.. eventually. i’m glad she took them relatively well. she’s such a darling. and you’re amazing.
as for hearing her, i have to agree with the 1st comment. i think that’s something that stays with us for always. my grandmother passed away almost 8 years ago now, and i STILL hear her voice at the oddest times.
keep on doing an amazing job, matt. you’re an inspiration!
Way to grow, Madeline! She is doing GREAT!
And way to sleep through….wow. Hope she keeps it up for you. I would definitely consider that an official “sleep through the night” event. I swear my kids (who are far older than the marvelous miss M) STILL don’t let me get through the night. I was up about 8 times with my 3 year old last night (not typical, thank goodness) and I’m now walking zombie. I don’t require much sleep, but man, last night was brutal here.
Those silent cries are the worst….I can remember those clear as day. Ugh. Poor Madeline. Hope she’s feeling ok today and is holding on to perfect baby status.
Hope you guys have a great Friday.
Amy
Wonderful posts last few days.
Thank you for sharing your incredible journey with us.
Keep rockin’ papa .. you’re doing great.
Dang, I was just a bit over!!!! That burger looks and sounds amazing. And I’m not really seeing the resemblance between Johnny and Nelly
My first time posting- but I have been reading for about 6 weeks. I was starting to feel like a stalker so I figured I should say something instead of crying silent tears.
You hear the same things over and over again- but wow- Matt you are doing such a great job. In 2 months, Maddy has grown so much. I can tell just from pictures how much stronger she is getting, yet still so delicate.
I know the pain doesn’t go away, but I hope you find pride and strength when you look down at your little miracle.
I love that you document your days with photos. Looking at photos of Madeline my heart just melts. She’s so beautiful and I love those little toes and fingers. My daughter will be two in June but I already miss her being Tiny. Well, she was never really tiny (born at 9 lbs 12 oz) but more tiny than she is now.
Shots. Oh, I hate bringing my kids in to get shots. Especially when they are little like my Puca. I cried every single time I saw them cry. I hated that look of “Why would you allow them to do this to me”. But comforting them after was always heart warming.
Look at her growth! She’s doing wonderful, So are you! BTW Are you gaining any weight back? I’m sure that burger will help
Have a good weekend.
Lisa
I am cracking up right now!!!!
I can’t believe you posted a spreadsheet graph on madeline’s growth, that is awesome. (I am assuming you did it due to the lack of capitalization on the words)
My husband thinks I am a bit crazy because I like to put things in spreadsheets and graph them. Please tell me that was you that made that, otherwise I just made myself sound like a real crazy
Robin
@robin (mn)…
i did indeed create that little graph.
(that’s something that liz totally would have done so i did it in her honor).
You and your daughter are beautiful. I stumbled upon your blog just a few days ago and I’m sure you hear it often, but my heart goes out to you.
You’re a strong daddy and your daughter is so lucky to have you.
The doctor’s visit just proves what we’ve all been telling you…you’re doing a fabulous job Matt.
I’m so glad Maddie did well after her shots and is growing & healthy.
Maybe you should’ve had the prosciutto…you still have weight to gain, right?
Hoping this weekend brings more good times with friends, and quiet moments with your sweet baby girl.
Love from the TX.
Matt, I know the Dr. visits are a little tough for you but let them be a scheduled reminder of what an amazing job you are doing. She is getting so big and I love the bar graph
You are an awesome Dad and Madeline is so lucky to have you. Keep up the good work. And on behalf of the ladies, its nice to know that sometimes our nagging pays off and you all remember it. She’s always with you….you just have to listen and when you cant hear, sit quietly – you’ll feel her.
Sending lots of love from Colorado
PS Keep an eye out for a package with some fun stuff, sending in the next couple of days – have one more item to locate
XOXO
Matt-
I’ve been reading for a few weeks now and just wanted to leave a note of thanks. Thanks for sharing with us and letting us get to know Liz. She sounds like she was such an amazing woman and I am sure she is so proud of all you’ve accomplished with Madeline.
And wow, 6.5 hours for a two month old is quite impressive!! Keep up the good work, Madeline!!
Without knowing you I can say that you are doing a fabulous job, she looks so adorable.
Maybe she can have a talk with my son? He doesn’t do quite so well with the shots!
I love this post. I saw that photo and and could not wait to see its significance “choice”. thanks for letting into your world today to experience Madelines dr. visit.
Glad to hear the dr’s visit went so well. I wasn’t far off for the weight guess… I’m so impressed with you and all you have done with and for your little angel! You are a true inspiration to me! Liz will talk to you for the rest of your life… don’t forget to listen to her
She will always be right 
Have a great rest of your day and have an even better weekend!
oh yeah and as a mother of 3, yeah the tylenol headed TO the dr before the shots = GREAT idea…
Glad to hear the appointment went well and that you are reassured that your daughter is doing wonderful by a Dr. Maybe next time they can get 2 nurses to do 2 shots at once, that is what our Dr does, one in each leg. Makes it go faster? Tylenol trick 1/2 hour before always worked wonders for us.
Sounds like Madeline was a champ at the doctor’s!
Glad the books got there. I hope that the Sheffield book brings you some comfort.
Matt-Agree with Robin-the spreadsheet is a great visual! Funny that she cried on the way there but stopped when the shots were over. Maybe she heard you talking about it…(personally, I think she is smart enough to already understand…)The first pic in the dr’s office with the stiff fisted arms and crying face breaks my heart
. I hate the silent cry….When I would hold my niece and she would start that I would hurry up and hand her to my sister so it didn’t look like I caused it.
Babies amaze me with their ability to cry. Even crying for a few minutes exhausts me, yet they can keep it up forever!
Wow, those burgers look awesome! I can see Liz’s point, but sometimes a burger just cant have enough pork products and with all you have been through, you can afford a bit of pig. Bacon and Prosciutto? Two totally different processes-not the same AT ALL!!
Matt-I am so glad that you are having a better week. I know its still devastatingly difficult but keeping busy is a good thing. Your friends are awesome!
Glad she is doing so well.
I believe that you will always hear Liz’s voice. She will always be a part of you and Madeline.
I also have been ‘stalking’ your website for a few weeks as well! You are doing an amazing job! Madeline is beautiful & I LOVE the chart!
Oo, the silent cry. That one is the worst. And when they get a little older, and their lungs have more capacity (or something?) it feels like the silence lasts a whole minute…
I don’t have any kids yet, but have witnessed the silent cry of my nephews enough to know how not good they are!
Keep up the awesomeness.
Stranger Matt,
Your posts usually make me sad, but after reading the last few I only feel hopeful and happy for you. Suddenly Madeline looks absolutely huge! I bet you will keep seeing more and more of Liz in her. You make being a parent almost look, you know, kind of cool.
I still look forward to your post each day. Today I had comment. The shot thing is so not fun. I just took my 4 1/2 month old dauther to get her second set of 3 three shots yesterday. She cried so much harder this time than the first time. I’m not so sure though what they say about it being harder on the parent than the child is true. She was in pain yesterday and there was nothing I could do to help her. I too got out the baby tylenol before her shots and then again last night. Poor little girls! It’s a good thing they won’t remember those shots, huh!
Hope you have a great day today and an awesome weekend.
best daddy.
best baby.
best of the blogosphere.
best robots.
best voices in your head.
best sharing.
oh, and best daddy and best baby, again.just for good measure.
best wishes.
kim from the davis (I mentioned you in my blog today, I hope it’s ok)
Little hint about the shots, give the tylenol about 1/2 hour before the shots!
Dang – I was so close! Off by only 4 oz.
You’re doing such a great job with her and she is growing SO well! I’m glad her afternoon went so well after her shots. And yes, we know that silent cry… the awful, horrible silent cry.
Darn I missed the weight challenge!!
I went back through all your posts to get weight updates and averaged out her weight gain. (an ounce a day) I was going to give it a few ounces shy and say 7.9 or 7.10!! Well at least my calculations were close!! 
I also figured out why your blog has all of us so captivated and pining over your every post. Because it is a love story!!!!!What you and Liz have together is something so many of us yearn for and never achieve. Your words are like a fairy tale to so many of us. I am so happy you found true love with your soul mate. so many of us are with someone and still feel alone in some senses. I hope the love and memories will keep you strong though all your years and that Madeline will learn your love story and feel so proud to have been created by such beauty!!
Your courage, your strength, your love, your words, your faith, your compassion, everything that “YOU” are is an inspiration to me . It is people like you who make the world a better home. Men like you that make their children the most blessed receipients. Men like you that make their families so proud. Friends like you that make us want to be better people. You amaze me. Though my heart stil aches for your loss, you sound like you’re taking your healing process one day at a time and being the most optomistic as you possibly can be. I hope the future brings you the upmost beautiful gifts, health and happiness – for you and Madeline, in honor of your sweet Liz.:) Hugs to you and M!!
I also give Tylenol before shots to both of my boys (currently 17mo old twins). It may help ease the pain & stop a fever before it starts. Our nurses (we get one nurse per shot) also give all the shots at once- ouch! I know, but it’s over so fast. You are doing a wonderful job with Madeline! Her growth chart looks excellent, she seems to be right on track for her adjusted age. Good job daddy!! Keep it up.
Matt,
It has been a while since I have written anything but I want to tell you how much I admire the way you are handling this situation. (what choice did you have) You are an amazing Daddy!!
Have a wonderful weekend!!!
Glad to hear the shots went as well as they did – I am still amazed that the crying doesn’t last that long.
As for the gifts you got – the tiny diner is a lifesaver for those times when you eat out and Madeline WON’T be sleeping through the meal, but actively participating….
something I’m curious about – is it Made-LINE or made-lynn?
Hi Matt and Madeline! I am so glad to hear that Madeline was only a little bit phased by the shots. Jack (my son) is getting his two month shots on Wednesday and it gives me hope! I only seem to hear about how horrible feeling babies have been after their shots.
So, I was the one that thought you had the Boppy carrier the wrong way, I have the same carrier. I know, I still am shaking my head at being skooled by a daddy!!! Quick question, is it uncomfortable for you? I find it kills my upper back, but my little guy is probably over 10 pounds if not 11, he is my little chunky monkey!
I love reading your blog and I am very impressed, you are an amazing father.
Glad you got through the shots okay – I always dreaded that silent cry, the one where you’re just waiting and waiting for them to take a breath hoping they won’t pass out.
Those burgers are looking good right now – I’m on a diet!
I only wish I could be half the mom that you are dad, and I have six! You are stronger than you realize. Someone told me something right after my mom died (I was 26 at the time): you will get through this. It might not be with grace and finesse, but you WILL get through this. Blessings
Wow, your friend does bear an uncanny resemblance to Nelly!
I’m glad you both made it through the shots – I was totally not prepared for that kind of screaming. They got progressively easier on my son (and me), so hopefully they will for you and Madeline too.
Take care!
Ahhhh, that red velvet wallpaper makes me wanna go to Musso & Frank’s.
Are you sure you didn’t sneak her a pierogie when no one was looking? Seriously, that girl of yours is growing up so fast!
Matt, you’re doing an AWESOME job with her — seriously. I know we tell you that on a regular basis, but hearing it from someone “official” had to really make you feel wonderful.
Keep up the fantastic work!
xoxoxo
In case the doc didn’t mention it, the fact that Maddie calmed down so quickly after her shot is likely indicative of the strong bond she has with you, and high level of trust she feels. She just doesn’t associate you with pain in any way, even if you happen to be around when she feels some (dirty diaper, hunger, shot, etc.). Because you’ve provided such a high and attentive level of care, even now she KNOWS that Daddy=Solution.
To her mind (where there’s a TON of activity right now), you’re not part of the problem, but you do provide the relief. Which is great news for lots of reasons. The best might be that it sets off a cycle: She’s more likely to be an “easy baby” because she trusts that her needs will be met, which in turn makes it easier (more gratifying/less taxing) for you to provide what she needs, which in turn only reinforces her trust, etc. Have no doubt: the communication between you is already two-way, and already thriving, and you’re reaping the benefits of the excellent parenting you’ve been doing. Good on ya!
Which isn’t to say the next 18 years (or even months or days) will be a breeze…but it does bode well, generally speaking.
PS: “the camera adds at least 10 oz” made me choke on my coffee laughing…
the camera SO adds 10oz…. haha – LOVE that. And miss madeline will always be just perfect even if inconsolable…..
they all are at some point – but aren’t we all?
i agree with the dr. – you are doing MORE than a fabulous job! i cheer you on everyday! love the chart – she is growing like a weed!! and absolutely ADORABLE in that first photo (great job on the outfit dad!)!
wishing you lots of love and aloha on this friday! heres to a GREAT weekend!
…jess
Wow, Johnny DOES look a lot like Nelly.
Shots suck.
Sometimes it’s the more random things that cause you to think of your dead spouse more–like fatty burgers, shots, and the oohing-and-aahing and parental pride that come from baby’s earliest doctor visits. Of course, at only 2 months out, EVERYTHING’s going to make you think of Liz more. For me, the frustrating times are when I *can’t* figure out why I’m thinking of Charley more, when I’m missing him more than usual and when there’s no specific reason or trigger..especially at almost-three years out. I’ve just had to finally accept that sometimes I just miss him more than usual, and that there doesn’t always have to be a reason; it just *is*. And I understand completely how something supposedly “little”–like a doctor’s appointment–can make you hurt worse and wish Liz were there that much more (if it’s possible to even miss someone more than an already-infinite amount). Those times will never really go away, but they do become less frequent as you get used to the loss more and more over time. I can’t tell you if it’s a good or a bad thing, though, that they get better, because the cost of “getting better” is that you let go of Liz a little bit more. The beauty of the earliest days of grief are that everything about Liz is so clear, shimmering, and recent; it’s painful, certainly, and “beauty” might be a weird word to use, but it’s a different type of pain further on when the memories start to fade or when you can’t quite remember something that you swore or assumed you’d never forget. I know it’s really, REALLY tough right now, but try to treasure those moments too. It might not be a bad idea to write down all sorts of random things about Liz now (separate from what’s in your blog even), so you’ll have a permanent record. I did that in a journal once or twice in the first few months after Charley died, and I’m so thankful I did because they were things I probably wouldn’t have thought of or remembered now–like how he put on chapstick, little (relatively unimportant, then) things he said, things he hated, his favorite sandwish condiments, a movie preview that made him as giddy as a little kid for the movie’s opening (a movie opening he wasn’t alive to see, in the end).
And HOORAY HOORAY HOORAY that Madeline let you sleep 6.5 hours straight! That’s fantastic! A better night’s sleep helps everything a little bit more, especially in grief. Exhaustion and sleep deprivation just make you more edgy, cranky, impatient, and hypersensitive (or at least that’s sure been my experience). I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed that this is a start of a nightly trend!
Hang in there and be gentle with yourself. You’re doing a great job.
Your daughter is beautiful and your story is amazing. Your wife would be so proud of how you’re caring for her. My “perfect” little girl went for her 1 year old check-up yesterday and got 5 shots. She has to come back in 8 weeks for 2 more! She went in happy and came out crying…more like screaming! Who likes shots anyway?! Have a blessed week and know that there are lots of people out there praying for you and your sweet little Madeline!
Matt,
What kind of camera you use? I really enjoy reading your story (every day, religiously), however, I must admit I am just as big of a fan of your photography. The focus changes are awesome as well as the composure and placement. Then again, can a bad picture be taken of a baby as adorable as Madeline?
Hooray for Madeline, it sounds like she’s doing wonderfuly. And that growth chart? I’m sorry but that’s just about the cutest darned thing I’ve ever seen.
So, so awesome. You can rest assured that you haven’t “broken” her.
Those first shots are just as tough on us parents as they are the baby.
Thanks for making me smile/laugh/cry every day. Liz would be smiling, too.
Ginny
Good for you for making the spreadsheet!!! I LOVE IT!!
I just know Liz and I would have got along great…. a love for spreadsheeting seemingly useless things, a somewhat excessive shoe collection….
Doh! Only 1.5 oz too much. I thought for sure she was hiding nice roly poly-ness from the camera.
Still so tiny, tiny, tiny and so brave!
I truly believe my loved ones still have my ear no matter if they are living or living in my memory.
Fo’ sho’
I so thought she was 10 lbs because of those cheeks! It’s so great that she is growing so much. You must be feeding her well.
At my daughter’s last doctor’s visit she got shots. So did my son. My son cried his little heart out. My daughter looked up at the nurse, scrunched her face, and said “YOU HURT ME!” So there ya go! The nurse laughed so hard. She said she’s never had a kid say that before. Mind you my daughter is 3.
Shots are so hard for me. I could tell you some stories. One of my kids and severe GERD. They had to an Upper GI scan. Yeah. That was fun with a 6 month old baby. I had to leave the room
Maddy knows you will make it all better. You are her safe place. That’s just amazing isn’t it? You’re doing a fantastic job daddy! Trust yourself. You know what you’re doing.
What a good (no, PERFECT) girl Madeline is! 6.5 hours DEFINITELY qualifies as sleeping through the night! My daughter (who is now 6 months) started that at 9 weeks too. Each night from then on she slept just a few minutes longer than the previous one and now we’re up to a golden 10 hours a night!
Madeline is so lovely. I adore the little scrunched-up little limbs of a newborn. She’ll change dramatically in the next 2-3 months, becoming (a lot) more vocal and learning to stretch out those little limbs and swing them wildly. And just wait until you get the first little giggle — there’s nothing in the world like it.
Good, good work, Daddy!
I was close to the right weight. The needles are hard. My husband stayed in the waiting room, and ended up leaving! He didnt want to hear the crying.
Way to go guys for a great, brave day!
Matt (and Madeline),
I found your blog because it was recommended by my Google Reader. I just started reading through it today, and I wanted to tell you that I am in awe of you. I am also really sorry about the loss of your wife and Madeline’s mom. But it seems like you are doing such a great job of being Madeline’s everything!
I am glad also that this crazy Blogosphere has brought such good things to your life. I wish you nothing but good from here on out…
Matt,
I’ve been following your story for a few weeks now. I actually just picked up Love is a Mixed Tape to send to you. I’m glad that you got it. It’s a great book and I think that you’ll get a lot from it. It’s great to see that Madeline is growing so strong. She’s such a beautiful little girl and it seems that you are making one hell of a father. Best wishes to you both.
I loved the Sheffield book. A friend lent it to me last fall and I didn’t know what it was about, really; I guess I didn’t, uh, look at it? I started reading it in the bath while getting ready to go to a party that I was nervous about attending. And chapter one honestly about knocked me on my ass. Here I am, having meant to relax my way to feeling fabulous and sociable and good-haired, but instead I’m sitting in a hotel bathtub, crying.
The book broke my heart the way this website breaks my heart: the obvious, enormous love makes the loss seem so vast.
About Madeline’s epic crying jag: Maybe she just has a natural talent for letting others share intimately in how she’s feeling? Self-expression is healthy and good! If so, that would be a trait she inherited from her dad. Although possibly one that will take a hiatus from being charming for several years beginning around age 11 or 12.
Asalamalaykom,
“Dat baby sleepin in da carseat is bunny!” That’s a direct quote from the toddler who hates carseats. Thinking of using your daughter as propaganda.
While I was reading, my scrolling stopped right where the happy couple joked about you bringing Madeline to the doctor alone. I was holding my breath as I scrolled once more; would Matt actually let that one go? Couldn’t he just leave the happy couple chuckling? NO! Nope, you couldn’t. Oh well. It’s a moment’s discomfort that will make them hold each other closer that night. Your blunt honesty is probably responsible for a lot of good lovin’.
Hooted at your 10 oz. quip. Shows you got spunk. I’ve been laughing through all that’s happened and it helps. I mean: you can laugh or you can cry. Might as well laugh.
Bacon? Proscuitto? You can probably guess my thought on those.
Oh, and the chart: I looked at that chart and saw something. It was as if the first dot was Madeline with Liz and the second dot was Madeline with you. The line connected it all.
Okay one thing this blog does do is make me hungry and wish I could go to California. ANYWAY! Madeline looks like a doll in that first picture! I am so glad you are posting all of these pictures of her because she is changing so much! She is absolutely gorgeous! And I am glad Daddy is eating well too! Maybe you will get some weight on!
I laughed out loud at my desk at the “the camera adds 10 oz.”. That was hilarious. And I love the growth chart – that is just too cute. You are such a great dad!!
It’s good to see that you have had a few good days in a row now and that both you and Madeline are getting some sleep.
Have a peaceful weekend. As always, thinking of you here in the MN.
HELLO! I am a visitor from IN. Heard about your story through a friend that actually just came across it on the web. There are no words that i can say about your horrific story, but after reading a lot of your blog, you are one amazing man and father!!! What you are doing for your daughter amazes me. There are not many men out there that could honestly do what you are doing. We will be thinking about you greive and may each day be better than the last!!! God BLESS!!!!
Lindsay
I have always wanted to visit California…and now I really want to.
We dont know each other, but I wish that I could hug that precious little girl.
Keep up the good word superdad!
Don’t wortry, Liz was (and will be) at the appointment with you, even if you didn’t sense her presence. Give Madeline a high-five from me for getting through her shots — what a little trooper!
The Sheffield book is amazing…a friend of mine recommended it and I read it in a day, couldn’t put it down.
Yay – 6.5 hours, way to go divine Miss M!!!! Shots are tough, I still remember the “silent’ cry that suddenly exploded out of my boys little body. My oldest is now 21 , youngest 17 – they still hate shots!
Matt, you surely have a place in my heart. I admire your strength, and ability to infuse a little humor
Love the graph, something I would surely do, Liz would be incredibly proud of you, but probably not surprised – afterall she married you right!!!
Have a wonderful weekend and a big MWAH TO Maddy from the stormy Minnesota!!!
I have just spent the last couple of hours reading your blogs. I am beyond words. You are an incredible person , friend and beyond incredible father. Liz is looking down on you both with gleaming eyes and a huge smile . You are an amazing person and I hope that you know that. I think most fathers in your situation would pick up and leave . I can only hope that time will heal your heart. You are an incredible father –
Matt-
Well..this was some BIG DAY!!! Yeah for 6.5 hrs of sleep- – what a good baby, survived the shots and you got great compliments from the Dr.
( her weight is terrific!!) and you got to spend time with friends, too! (-:- it’s all good!!
I loved the chart- something my husband would do- too funny!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your story and letting us get to know Liz and you and watch how amazing Madeline is doing! You are so courageous and a GREAT DAD!!!
Have a good weekend!
Hugs and Kisses to you both! XOXO
Go Madeline! Growing well. Nice job, dad.
I have to add here-I am so impressed that she slept 6.5 hours straight! My “baby” is 13 months-he has STILL not done that!
As if we didn’t already know that you’re kicking ass at the daddy job! But I’m sure the compliments mean a bit more when they from someone with decades of schooling behind them.
I’ve been meaning to mention that drowning your sorrow in bacon grease is no good, but I changed my mind when you said you skipped the prosciutto
Have a great weekend!
Way to go Madeline! If you want to get really really geeky about Madeline’s growth chart, check out http://www.trixietracker.com. Supremely geeky, but very cool. I watched his daughter Trixie grow up from a newborn to 4 with his charts and his endless data and pix. Check it out..
Good job on the doctor visits. Shots are craziness.
Suzi
sounds like a great day and great appt. for madeline. I don’t know one baby that likes shots, but once everything is over they seem to be happy babies again. Hope you and your beautiful daughter have a blessed weekend.
Wow, Maddy is doing wonderful! You are doing an excellent job. My girls used to scream in the car all the time. No matter what you do they just don’t calm down! lol.
Way to go on only ordering bacon on your burger. Liz really loved you to care about what you were eating. I am happy you still hear her voice in your head, kind of like a second conscience.
Robin, from way back, another spreadsheet fan! Glad I’m not the only one.
Great job (to both of you) on Madeline’s growth. I remember those shots, and those silent cries and the looks your baby gives you. I love the picture of you holding her (giving her tylenol?) when you got home. There’s just so much tenderness in that shot. You’re doing an awesome job.
Today’s post was a riot. As I happened upon the chart, I thought maybe Grandpa Tom G. put it together and sent it to you … totally something he would do!
I agree with Kristen in the MN … double team nurses is the only way to get the shots done … before they realize what’s happening, the shots are done.
We talk about you and Madeline at the office everyday and look forward to hearing the latest and greatest.
Take care,
Heidi in the MN
I know how much you go to Ameoba. I saw that Amos Lee will be there June 25th. Hes worth checking out. Look him up and maybe go see him perform. Hes mellow but really good. BTW, Maddie is adorable and you take amazing photos. Youve inspired me to get out the camera again. Thanks and enjoy the weekend.
When my daughter was a baby she had to get an antibiotic shot in the butt. I held her while the nurse gave the shot. Just at the moment when the needle hit the skin my daughter looked up at me. Well needless to say she thought I was the culprit and she would have nothing to do with me for several hours! It just about broke my heart. It is hard for us to see our kids hurt, isn’t it? I’m glad you and the divine Miss M made it through the trauma of the doctors office visit. God bless you from the Crazy Lady in Texas
Hi Matt,
I’m also a lurker and have been so affected by your experience and this amazingly poetic blog. I can’t say anything more that hasn’t already been said and more eloquently, but suffice it to say: you are my hero.
The only thing I wanted to add is, don’t freak out if madeline seems groggy or out of it tomorrow–it may just be the shots. My kids reacted very badly to that bunch of 2 month shots (despite only crying heartily for a few moments). Just a little tip.
You are awesome.
Love,
Jenna
6.5 hours IS sleeping through the night for sure! Very impressive!
Matt,
I thought of you today while I visited a friend of mine in the hospital following her c-section delivery of her little girl. Her story is also quite sad, as the baby’s dad was killed in an accident just a couple of weeks into her pregnancy. She and her baby will need a lot of support to say the least. I have been so touched by the response and community of support you have received that it has inspired me to try and offer the same for them. Through your tragedy and grief you have managed to give hope to many. With all that I have learned and witnessed as a reader of your blog, I promise to pay it forward. Thank you, Matt.
hey matt~
i dont know what to say really, i sat here and thought i did, but now i have lost my train of thought. your story leaves me speechless………….
i think you are doing a great job with madeline, and i will be keeping up with your story and keeping you in mind.
Hey Matt,
I’ve been reading (stalking?) for a while now, and figured it was time to comment. My son was born about a month before your beautiful Madeline, also a preemie (6 weeks). We just went through the devil-shots a few weeks ago, and I completely understand the silent cry! But she’s a trooper, took those shots like a champ! She is truly beautiful, looks just like her Mom. And 6.5 hours of sleep…LUCKY!!
Just wanted to say that you’re doing such an amazing job. I admire your strength and your story is inspiring. Can’t wait to read more about your little perfect growing girl.
Jana from the NM
So happy to hear that baby M is growing and thriving. You are such a great daddy.. Liz would be proud.
PS.. How much robot stuff do you have now?? I bet you could fill up a room with all of it!
I found your blog through another blog and have been reading (and crying) for a while. I just want to tell you that you’re doing an amazing job with your little one. I pray that your memories with Madeline will ease some of the intense grief that you’re feeling … if that’s even possible. Thanks for sharing your story.
You know, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about all the stories you tell where people comment about you being out and about with your child alone, and asking you where the mother is, or asking if women with you are the mother. If you were a single mom, that would almost never happen. People would assume it was a mom’s duty to go to the doctor, shop, go out to eat, go to Amoeba alone with your kid in tow. That’s what mom’s do. They’d never ask “where’s dad?” “where’s dad” is kind of a sensitive question sometimes. We don’t always expect dad to take a role, sadly. Yet you get it all the time. I wonder what that says about what we expect out of mothers and fathers in our society. It makes me thrilled when I know what a great father you are. Makes me sad for all the moms who never get the credit, support, questions.
I’m not sure I have a point, but I keep thinking about that. But I do know Madeline is so lucky to have you. She’s so lucky to have Liz too. Someday someone will give her the compliment someone once gave me after I shared stories of my mom – they thanked me for sharing my mom with them. Through you, this blog, the life you’re making, you’re sharing Liz with her and all of us. And one day she’ll return the favor, sharing you and Liz with everyone in her world. One she’s growing into day by day.
7lbs 8 oz..sweet peanut
My porker had her beat at birth..lol. I hate the infamous “look” I get during shots as well. Breaks my heart but I know we’re doing the best thing for them 
Keep up the great work..Madeline is growing beautifully 
PS- Saw this and thought of Madeline.
http://www.cafepress.com/cp/moredetails.aspx?showBleed=false&ProductNo=23253749&colorNo=1&pr=F
Too bad I’m broke :-\
ooh those pierogies look good! Well done on Madeline’s growth. I love the growth chart. I have ones for my kids too!
By the way, CONGRATS on the first “through the night” sleep! That’s awesome. Could you please have Madeline give my 4 month old Isaac a call and let him know how that’s done? I’d sure appreciate it!
Madeline really is a perfect child, sleeping through the night at only 9 weeks! Not just beautiful, she’s thoughtful too! She appears to be doing extraordinarily well, thanks in no small part, I’m sure, to some great parenting. That you are able to be there for Madeline when you’re in so much pain is nothing short of amazing. You have Father of the Year wrapped up for 2008 as far as I’m concerned.
Your comments on shots reminded me of a particularly painful round my son received as an older baby (I don’t recall exactly how old he was.) I was warned he might be uncomfortable for a few hours, and told that icing the injection site might make him more comfortable. It worked very well. He went from sobbing to sleeping in no time. You might want to ask your doctor about using ice when she’s older.
Meanwhile, I was happy to read you were able to have a tolerable Tuesday. I hope each one gets easier than the last.