thursday was quiet.
madeline spent the
morning with grandma broccoli.
as i slept in after
a long night
working with aj.
went to the grocery store
near my mom’s house
to buy some formula
(for madeline).
couldn’t find her
preferred vintage.
was walking out of the
store when i noticed that
the formula was locked-down
near the exit.
the grocery store
on the other side of the minnetonka,
part of the same company,
didn’t have their formula on lock-down.
what the hell?
i got in line
with nothing else in my hands,
and told the lady i
needed some formula.
she said
okay.
i said,
why is the stuff on lock-down? do people steal it or something?
her answer made me
laugh out loud.
they make cocaine with it.
(i so love the suburbs).
ok…a few questions popped
in to my mind.
first: what the fuck?
second: who are “they?”
third: should i really be giving this shit to my baby?
i asked her,
they make cocaine with it?
she said,
yeah. they make cocaine with it.
now, i know nothing of
this subject,
but i have watched a few movies
in my day.
so i said to the lady,
i think you mean they use it to cut the cocaine when they make crack.
she just stared at me.
here i am.
no baby in my arms,
unshowered,
dark black circles under my eyes.
i must have
looked like i just
rolled out of one
of those infamous
minnetonka crack dens
she called the manager over.
oh fuck.
baby needs to eat, but
i don’t think i’m walking
out here with this formula.
the manager came toward me.
i think i started to
sweat a little.
should i run?
wait a minute.
i’m just trying to buy
some food for my kid!
turns out the manager
needed to open
the case.
he walks over and
slides open the case.
without a key.
i asked,
you don’t lock it?
he just shrugged and
handed me my cocaine-making powder.
went home,
hung out with madeline.
that afternoon
madeline was scheduled to
go to grandma candee’s company picnic
so i dressed he up
and dropped her off
so she could make her
appearance.
headed home and
waited for aj to
come pick me up.
we had a big afternoon
planned.
our friend mark
invited us to join him
on his radio show.
mark grew up with
liz
and i’ve become great
friends with him
over the years.
he threatens to put me
on the radio every time
i come back to the mn,
but i’ve never
had enough time
to join him.
this time i did.
so we did.
we listened to mark
talk politics
and take calls.
funny to see him
in this setting.
then aj and i talked
a little bit.
here’s a trimmed-down
(mark’s show is 2 hours)
clip of our
11 mins of left-wing
am radio fame:
matt & aj on the mark heaney show.
(listen for my sarcastic voice).
we left,
and went to aj’s parent’s house
to help muscle some furniture.
later,
we went to josh and jane’s
house for a little dinner.
surprised that jane allowed us
in her house after that
bachelor party.
mark came over after his show.
nate and stacey arrived
and we enjoyed a whole lot
of meat products
and quite a few laughs.
i picked madeline up
from the house of the g. grandparents
and brought her with me
to stay at grandma broccoli’s house.
starting to feeling like a
divorced parent,
sharing custody,
arranging pick-up/drop-off times,
carting baby supplies
from house-to-house.
this is weird.
and not how i
pictured fatherhood.
damn it.
132 Comments
Glad you and Madeline are both keeping busy.
I’ve never heard of these crack making, baby food stealing, drug pushers of which you type. I need to get out more.
Hi Matt,
Peace to you and Madeline…
Still reading…
Take care,
Pixie
:O “They make cocaine with it.”
Ha!
I thought they made crack with baking soda? That seems cheaper than infant formula!
PS. I’m glad you got it (and got out of there). I probably would’ve nervously started throwing out parenting terms to prove I was the real deal. “Ferber method.” “Babywearing.” “Nasal aspirator.”
HA!!! same thing happened to me at walmart in monticello. fers
First!
Matt, you are a stud. You are the most amazing father and little Madeline has accomplished more in 13 wks than most people do in a lifetime. YOu are wonderful and so is she!
Kudos, my stranger er friend.
holy shit the first part of this post had me in hysterics. fucking hilarious! and i can’t believe that they gave you the formula
hope you and maddy are taking full advantage of your last full day in the mn…i’m glad it’s such a beautiful day (please don’t take the nice weather back to ca with you!)
i hope your travels go just as well tomorrow as they did on your way here. the msp airport has a great family room if you need somewhere quiet to go with maddy before your flight takes off.
http://www.mspairport.com/msp/airport_services/Family_Services.aspx
i’ll be thinking of you both and sending extra good thoughts your way this tuesday.
*hugs*
Wow!! Maddi is growing so fast! The pic of her in the baby seat really shows that well!
LOL…Cocaine making formula….I thought I had heard it all but that beats what I have heard!
I’m wishing you 2 the best and many more happy days to follow you on your journey of life!
Sweet about being on the radio show. I love AM 950. It’s always a good time.
Keep enjoying your time in the MN.
Maddy is so bright and healthy! Must be the time with the grandparents and all that lovely Minnesota air. She looks more like Liz every day.
The crackheads in the MN must not be nearly as criminal or scary as those in the LA; you just know that case would have been on total lockdown here in the SoCal. (Also, I love that only the manager had the power to open the unlocked formula case. Such awesome powers.)
Being a single parent must be so hard, even harder when you’re just trying to deal with life without Liz. It sucks that you have to do it.
xxxxxxxx
aaahhh… madeline looks like such a big girl in her carseat. She’s not looking so newborn-ish anymore. Take care!
HA~! Whats next!!!
Madline looks like she has grown so much while spending time in the MN. I have to agree w/Lisa… You have done so much w/her in her short 13 weeks here on earth. YOU are amazing!!!
Enjoy your time left!
Snort. (No pun intended) Cocaine making stuff? That’s crazy.
Reminds me of when I was pregnant, and I had to show my ID to buy white-out. Seriously. Did they think I was going to huff the stuff?
http://andria-and-co.com
wrinkles, fat rolls and rosy cheeks – signs of living the good life.
Now everyone at work thinks I’m out of my f’ing mind. I shouted out MAKE COCAINE FROM FORMULA and then laughed hysterically. Oh my. Keep in mind I work for a Formula company. Opps.
She looks like she’s getting more and more alert! You’re doing a great job, she’s so damn cute!
Hi Matt!
You are doing an AMAZING JOB with Maddie
She is growing really fast and healthy!
Wishing you the BEST trip back CA
You are an AWESONE father!!
xoxo
Sol
p.s. Envy, in a healthy way, the weather over there. Here winter starts and shows its best!
Madeline looks just like you on the first picture.
I noticed the formula being locked up on a recent trip to the grocery store…who knew baby formua and coke….
Maddy is so precious.
Has the formula thing never happened to you here in California? We always have to get the formula unlocked in Santa Monica. The manager told us that “they” sell the formula on the underground market so they can afford “their” drugs. Considering how much formula costs, I can’t imagine they get a very good return.
Hmm…you seem to know a lot about cutting cocaine into crack there….hmm…
One time me and my hubby got kicked out of a Palmdale WalMart for trying to buy too many cans of formula. We were trying to buy 24 when you’re only allowed to get 12 per family. We split up when we got to the cash registers, but a worker had followed us, suspecting what we planned to do, and fully narc’d on us! We were laughing hysterically, but the WalMart people did not find it funny at all. Fucking formula Nazis.
It was liquid formula, tho, so I dunno what they thought we were gonna do with it! Overfeed the baby? Sometimes, life is just stunningly tragi-comic.
Funniest thing I have ever heard!!!! CRAZY!!!!!
Thanks for the updates…. Madeline looks wonderful. You are a wonderful father and she is blessed to have you…..you are doing a great job. I know it is rough, but I pray for you as you keeping moving forward one day at a time….
well, see, i learned something new today. i had no idea people used formula to make cocaine or however the hell it is used. interesting.
and the same thing happened to me when i went to buy madeline’s formula! it was under lockdown, but when the guy came over to open it, he just lifted the cover. some security!
Madeline has definitely grown since the pool party or else the camera has added some pounds and inches.
Formula story is too funny. I have heard of people hiding cocaine in formula cans, but not making cocaine with formula. Learn something new everyday.
Will be sending good thoughts your way tomorrow as you head back to CA. Sad to see you leave.
Hi Matt,
I’m a long-time lurker, never posted. Just have to say that Madeline is adorable and I can’t believe how big she has gotten in that past few weeks. You are doing a great job with her!
By the way…you had me laughing out loud about the “locked up” formula!
-Stacey in the WI
OMG I love that first pic of Maddy, so cute!!!! I love the one eye look she gives in some of her pics!
And I wonder what one has to look like to be denied purchasing formula these days!! Holy shit! I thought they locked it up cuz its so expensive anymore and people were stealing it.
Haven’t heard of that before! Interesting! Madeline is growing up so much. She is such a cutie pie!
One sleepy eye Madeline is so cute, and she looks so big in the seat picture!
Funniest cocaine/baby food story I’ve heard in a while!
odd you mention the formula thing – last weekend my hubby noticed three ‘anti-theft’ tags on the canisters of dry formula. First we were both puzzled and then we drew our own sad realization – at $20+ a can – some people just can’t afford it so they steal it (made an extra contribution to the foodbank that day). Not sure if its to cut cocaine, people blowing all their $$ on drugs (and therefore no $$ for formula) or some folks are so strapped they just can’t afford the basics for their families… yikes am I ever being a downer!!
Anyway – thanks as always for the updates. Agree on all the comments on Madeline – she’s looking so big and heathy!! Great job!!
ok, i had NO idea they could make cocaine/crack with the formula i give my kid! wow!
Madeline looks taller! Green is definately her color! Such a beautiful girl. Just like her Mommy.
hugs from NJ,
erica and Landon
Ok, seriously. Making cocaine from formula? They keep it locked up here in the GA too, and I, as a formula using mom, always thought it was because ‘po people stole it. You had me laughing out loud at your plight…good to know you were able to get Madeline’s “fix” for her.
What? I must be uber-sheltered, because I never heard of the baby formula thing. I’m glad the cashier had an appreciation for your narcotic expertise. That’s just wierd…
1 week until my trip to the MN…I’m getting more and more intrigued by the day. Especially when they told me I could visit “the lake by the big moose.” I’m starting to wonder if I need a passport…
Maddy’s getting prettier by the day! Such a sweet little angel! I know this sounds wierd, but I bet she smells sweet and baby-lotion-y too.
(I mean, when she takes a hiatus from the nuclear poops, of course. )
LOL, it IS because people steal it. It is one of the most stolen items in stores. And apparently they do use it to cut cocaine as well. (just looked it up), though I seriously dont know why, since it is so expensive.) Also, the reason it is so expensive is…. Because people steal it so much! Catch 22.
Maddy as always is a doll. Cant wait to hear about the rest of the weekend!
Glad that yall are having a good time seeing lots of family and friends :]
But wtf? Cocaine formula?????
Here in NC they have it locked down too, but i never once thought people were using it for drugs? Thats fucking funny!
Wow, that’s really messed up. I had no idea about the formula and drug stuff. I always thought it was in lock down because it was expensive?
A couple things I’ve learned while searching this formula stuff..
A case of Similac with Iron formula ranks #7on the top 50 most shoplifted items while a single can of Similac with iron ranks number #8. Similac concentrate with iron ranks number 21 on the list.
“the popular powdered baby formula is primarily used in the drug world to dilute heroin and methamphetamine or to stretch the product when supplies run low.”
Crazy.
Madeline is just adorable. When she’s sleepy she looks so much like you, When she’s awake she looks so much like Liz. I can see you both in her. She’s so beautiful!
Soooo, had she just had her “formula” in the first picture?
She does look a little stoned my friend.
I always wondered why it was locked up! In fact, I tried to figure how someone could put those giant cans into their pants and NOT get caught. At least the crack smokers are getting some fucking vitamins huh?
Hi Matt! Just another lurker coming out of the woodwork here…
The formula story cracks.me.up (no pun intended) Who would have thought?! And the fact that they go to the trouble of putting it somewhere that a manager is needed to get it, and they don’t even lock it up? what the hell is the point?!
Anyways, you are such an inspiration to so many of us, and you’re doing a GREAT job!
Oh, how I wish you would have just bolted from the store just to give them the sense that they are being very diligent at helping protect society from the evils of formula-aided crackmanufacturing. I’m sure you would have been the talk of the western burbs had you caved under the pressure.
Madeline looks beautiful, although I’m a little frightened about what kind of artistic license you’ll be taking when it comes time to start styling her hair…
Have a great trip back to the LA
I love that she sleeps with one eye open…Miss M definitely doesn’t want to miss anything!
Hi From Sveltering So.Ca, Not so bad today, only 97 outside…Very funny story about the formula. AGAIN, what kind does she drink, I can help you our with some. Please post it. You are doing such a wonderful job with your beautiful daughter and I know Liz is smiling down on you both. You’re a fantastic person…
She looks so grown up!! Congratulations on not being arrested in the mtka!
WHAT THE HECK??!?!!?
I ALWAYS thought that it was due to theft, and was quite perplexed when I would go to either of the Drugstores in town, one on the nice side one on the less desireable….one locked up one not.
I glad I have this wonderful insight…what the hell??!?!?!?!?!
On google:
Infant formula is often used in the drug world. Drug dealers use powdered baby formula to cut the strength of cocaine and heroin. According to a recent article in Chicago’s Journal Standard, “the popular powdered baby formula is primarily used in the drug world to dilute heroin and methamphetamine or to stretch the product when supplies run low.” Special Agent Joanna Zoltay states that, “The consistency and the way it looks is what makes it a good cutting agent,” Zoltay said. Infant formula is non-toxic and relatively safe to cut with any number of drugs.
The DEA also had a case several years ago where street gangs in Chicago were using baby formula containers to conceal illegal drugs, she added.
You learn something new everyday..
PS- Maddy seems to be growing so much more everyday!!!
This just in (well, msnbc of 2005)– “Stolen formula linked to terrorism–
FBI Director Robert Mueller has even linked stolen baby formula to terrorism, saying proceeds from black market sales have been used to support organizations such as Hamas and Hezbollah.” Fuckin’ babies. It’s a wonder more of them aren’t in Guantanamo.
I LOVE that the formula, aka, crack powder, was in a separate case, but not locked. That way they can remember what the person looked like who bought the stuff but make no real attempt to stop it. Also, I like that they let you buy it after you revealed you had knowledge of how the formula MIGHT IN FACT be used for nefarious purposes.
*If that ain’t America, I don’t know what is!
Your radio clip was nice. And yeah, the sarcasm does come through via radio. Nice.
Personally, I wish they’d lock up the Gerber Prunes instead. The diapers that shit produces can fuck up a parent way worse than crack.
Thanks for sharing a great story, Matt! Hope you can keep taking it one okayish day at a time, without getting too bogged down by the suckiness of the big picture…and above all, that you can continue to stay open to whatever fun and joy does present itself. It adds up.
Hope you have a safe and easy flight tomorrow — with everyone exhausted at the end of a trip, returns can be a little more trying than departures, but do try to relax.
And by the by, a shot of Maddy at the MSP stall “Wide Stance” Craig was arrested in sure would make a nice addition to your collection of men’s room pix!
Maybe the cashier had formula/crack confused with sudafed/meth? I’d also assumed formula was on lock down because it is so pricy and people have to resort to stealing it for their kids. Something I did learn in a volunteer training once: People use Chore Boy sponges (like SOS scouring pads) as filters in crack pipes, so you’ll sometimes see those behind the counter in gas stations in poor neighborhoods. Just a random fact for you.
LOL @ em’s photo idea…it’d be perfect!
I’m sure any one of the travel assistants in the airport would be able to help you out finding the correct stall
I second the photo suggestion of Maddy in the infamous MSP airport men’s bathroom, particularly the Sen. Craig stall! Too funny! Now that’s one for the baby book, I say, along with the trough urinal photo at the dome.
I had NO idea Minnetonka was such a den of iniquity. Can’t believe I brought my kid out there to your party last Sunday…who knows WHAT the hell could have happened! Thank God that store is alert to the dangers posed by all those Gray’s Bay folks making Satan’s milk with all the loose formula they have laying around!
that was seriously hilarious. And glad to see you are a true lefty and not just playing one on the Interwebs.
Laughed out loud in my little cubicle – only a couple of odd stares. How typical that she had to call over her manager to open the unlocked case for you. Too funny.
Have a safe journey tomorrow. Sounds like you will be able to put that new a/c to use upon your return. I hope someone can turn it on for you before you get back to cool the place down.
Take care!
Hey Matt….have you heard about the guy who asked people to sum up their life in three words? (no this isn’t a joke) Immediately mine was ‘not as planned.’ I would like to share mine with you.
Teresa
Oh my goodness! Madeline looks SO much older! I feel like some weird stranger aunt- “I can’t believe how much she’s grown – why the last time I saw her..she was just a tiny little thing”…
She looked so adorable in her outfit- and my husband came running in to find out what on earth had me laughing so hard- then I showed him your story about baby formula and he cracked up too! Thanks for that laugh- I’m going to check out who all is walking around with baby formula in the grocery store from now on!
It sounds like the MN is just what you needed – all those friends and family! I hope you’re feeling better and that scratchy throat has gone away – if not, be sure to drink lot’s of tea with honey -but make sure little Miss M doesn’t get any honey!
Take care of yourself!
holy shit. this post was the best part of my day. miss fuss is beyond beautiful. you’re doing an amazing job.
oh and good call with schooling the lady at the store on the formula thing. lol. I kinda feel bad that I already knew about that.
“he just shrugged and handed me my cocaine-making powder.”
ROTFLMChubbyAO!!!!!!!
Oh Matt! =)
You make me smile!
You know, motherhood is not how I pictured it as well. My mom was a stay at home mom and I always dreamed that I would be one too. I was for about 5 years. My husband has MS, and cannot work anymore. I now am mom to four children and nurse to a disabled man who unfournately cannot do much but bark orders from the couch. I feel like a single parent a lot of times due to the fact that I do the grocery shopping, clean the house, cook food, etc. This is not what I thought my life would be like.
Ha! And I thought we were unique out here, what with the junkies coming over from Hartford (The Rising Star, mind you) to steal Enfamil to sell. Guess even the sticks have that trouble. Well, make sure to wear your shirt and tie next time you go buy formula, mister! Fuckin crazy people.
Wow. The one-eyed princess is getting BIG! she is just adorable.
And don’t worry about her spending so much time with her family. It’s so much better than the hoity-toity wenches out here that refuse to let anyone not decked out in surgical garb hold their baby for fear of germs. She’ll be a healthier, more well-adjusted girl for meeting so many people. You’re doing fine!
Faithful longtime reader, first time commenter. I have been reading for a few months and I really enjoy your journals. Swear words and all. It adds character to your writing. I know it may not seem like much coming from a (stranger) friend, but I think you are doing a great job with Madeline. She is just adorable. I hope you continue to have fun in the mlps.
Seriously, who comes up with this shit? Formula as a cutting agent? I gotta hand it to them, crackheads are a creative folk…God forbid they sneeze after a line, and milk would come shooting out of their nose…
And I thought it was weird when I had to practically give a DNA sample to buy Sudafed. Good thing its a sore throat and not a stuffy nose, you’d be in police custody for sure if you tried to buy the Similac/Sudafed combo.
I also can’t believe there is a LIMIT on the number of cans you can buy. I feel bad for those multiple-birth parents. They probably have to hire a runner just to get formula. Or maybe its like it is in PA, where you can only buy a 12 pack at a time from a 6 pack shop. So you just keep going back in and hoping they don’t say anything…
Teresa-I can tell you my 3 words….”what the fuck?”.
I have to agree with everyone that Madeline is getting so big! And I have to tell you that as I was scrolling down the page, I had stopped at a point where just the top of Mark’s head was visible. I guess I just assumed it was Madeline and when I scrolled down the screen, my initial reaction was like, “What the fuck is THAT, oh, oops, thats not her!!!” Sorry Mark!!!
Enfamil narcs at Walmart. Fuck,now I have heard everything.
Miss M’s car seat picture. You really need to put something in there with her to show size, she looks like a 2 year old! And although I do believe in the quality of life in Minnesota, I don’t think she has grown up that much in the past week.
I believe I saw something about the formula/cocaine thing on Law and Order SVU – the places you learn these things
Oh well, gave the clerks at the store an interesting moment.
Madeline looks like she is still recovering from her first Twins game in the first picture.
Just listened to the radio clip. Laughed my ass off at “I don’t like my freedoms”. Completely disagreed with first caller, gotta love Air America!
Mmm – meat products, I should go get some.
Anna
Hi Matt, hope you enjoyed your visit home, sounds like you made the most of every moment for both you and Maddy. Have a safe flight back, and next time you’re here, a little more notice on the bar call would be great
Huh? I thought they locked it up bc Scientologists are taking over the world and they don’t allow their kids to drink it. Damn that Tom Cruise!
Okay Matt, if the inappropriate truly makes you laugh, then I will join the chorus of people encouraging a picture in the infamous Senator Craig stall. Here is information on how to find it:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,297024,00.html
I kinda still wish I thought people stole the formula… I bought two huge things of it today. good thing I had wipes, and my peanut.
You are such an inspiration to a lot of people, I just started reading and when I have a bad day I now think of you. The grandmas will never stop dying to spend time with the little miss, they will always say yes… no problem… stay as long as you like. Enjoy her everyday and remeber Liz is there with you every day.
I didn’t mean to write a book. creepy fuckin’ stranger.
The pic with one eye open…so funny to see another baby do this…I’ve noticed other pics of Madeline like this but I thought they were by chance…our 3 month old sleeps like that too, and our other 3 kids still do as well…it creeps us out at night because it looks like they’re awake when they’re actually really sleeping!
As for the formula, the walmart I go to only locks up the small cans…easier to steal?…and usually only at the end of the month…sometimes it’s on the shelf and sometimes it’s not…better yet, when it’s locked up, they put it in the cabinets with the cigarettes and cigars…unless it’s a middle of night emergency, I go to target…never has been locked up there!
@ em…try gerber prunes without knowing your husband gave your child miralax earlier in the day…wow!
@ matt…glad to see that your mn stay was most often enjoyable and the weather was terrific for it…madeline is truly adorable and is growing wonderfully…***and for the future, if you plan a 1st birthday party for her in mn, i’d love to make a wonderful cake for her***…seriously, something spectacular that liz would have loved…and one more thing, when you make it back to mn, try the terminal bar sometime…you seem like a guy who would get a kick out of a place like that!
happy travels,
alyssa
I kinda wish I still thought people stole it cuz they were poor. that sux
i recently just started reading and I am a fucking creap. i had to post though. you are an insipartion to so many people. when i have a bad day i now think of you and all that you have been through, you are doing fuckin’ great, Liz is there with through it all, remember you are not alone. Keep on keepin on
Your post had me LOL.
I knew 5-6 years that stores in Mpls were locking it up. I always thought it was because people steal it. Shows how much I know.
fuck
LOL…the formula story is the best. I use to dread looks I got buying my 12 all the time…I finally just started buying it online. Madeline is getting so big…no preemie look for her anymore. She is beautiful in everyway.
GO AIR AMERICA!!!!!!
Well you know I guess you could look at it this way… have you heard of the stupid shit they use to make meth? Household cleaners, drano, gasoline, etc… baby formula at least they’re getting so nutritional value out of it. Lol
Wow. They use it to make cocaine. Is THAT how they get their recommended daily dose of vitamins??? Huh. Who knew. That pic of Madeline with the one eye open is the best! What a hoot.
Madeline’s looking fabulous…must be the minute water, or maybe her awesome family! Hope your time here was well spent. It was nice to read about your minute travels. Looking forward to seeing madeline in the wedding outfit!
Here in the LA, they sell store brands of formula at both Target and Cost-co with the exact same ingredients as the brand names, Enfamil and Similac. The prices of the house brands are exactly half that of the name brands. The cans can also be found right on the shelf with no one policing the aisles or the number of cans purchased.
Maybe someone should post this information on the crack/meth/heroin making websites, so they know where they can get their raw materials at a lower price and with less scrutiny?
Madeline’s looking fabulous…must be the minute water, or maybe her awesome family! Hope your time here was well spent. It was nice to read about your mn (sorry bout the last post, damn blkbry) travels. Looking forward to seeing madeline in the wedding outfit!
Asalamalaykom,
LMHO (Laughing My Hejab Off) over the formula story. It’s worth the price of admission.
Being wacked repeatedly in the head as I write this, by my almost three-year-old, with dishwashing gloves, books, etc. Then he crawls up and kisses me. Hits me. No…LOL…I didn’t expect any of motherhood to be like this. REALLY didn’t think I’d be a single mother, but alhumdulillah (Thanks be to God) while it is worse than I ever imagined, it is also better.
The first half of your post was hilarious—good God, they do THAT with formula?!?! People are just so screwed.
And, yeah, this isn’t how your fatherhood was supposed to be. I’m sorry. Your doing such a good job of it all though and your daughter is being loved by so many.
You represent the Ta-Tonka very well. Not.
I heard they lock up the baby crack powder because otherwise the crackhead WIC mommies buy the formula with their coupons and then return it somewhere else. Oh the humanity.
Speaking of formula on the sly… not sure what kind you’re using, but Target (and Costco, Sams, etc) has generic versions that are medically-speaking… equal or even better than brandnames. And HALF the price. Powder is the cheapest way to go, but I’ll cut you some slack as a single pappy!
If you stick with brand name, be sure to hit your PED up each time you go to the doc, for samples.
Also meant to point out the obvious, but if Mads uses that lil’ monkey “Puggy Pal” I made her, be sure to yank it’s eyes out when she starts shoving everything in her mouth (at least another month or so) technically she could swallow the tiny bits and you’ll have to dig through her poopie-doops with a chopstick. Never ever fun, no matter what your friends tell ya. You rock Matt. Best daddy ever. (besides my babydaddy Davez)
ps – Target lets you use more than one formula check per purchase. Hello, free cans!
LOL – the formula story has to be one of the funniest – next to the Robot story that is.
Madeline is getting so big. She is just adorable. You are doing a great job Matt!
Safe travels back to the los angeles.
@maureen from the PA, your comments are cracking me up!!!
I’m totally laughing out loud here about the image of you buying baby crack formula. Seriously.
Isn’t it a sad state though when you can’t even buy food for your baby?!?
Helloooo! You are doing a great job with Maddy! The picture of her in the seat is too cute…
Enjoyed reading the formula/cocaine story!
thanks for making my day with this post. if you had brought maddie, the sales lady would have thought you borrowed a baby, so it wouldn’t look like you wanted it for cocaine. laughing my ass off over that whole story.
you need some sleep. have you thought about melatonin? buy it OTC ( not faux-locked up, either.) something to consider so you can still hear baby when she gets up. holler, well, email if you want more info.
I have to say I laughed my ass off over this post! And I love the little chubby legs Madeline is getting. Roly-poly babies are the bomb!
Holy fucking formula Batman! OMG, I’m surprised they didn’t ask for you birth certificate AND your first born child. Too too funny.
Madeline is getting to look like she has a lot more interest in things. Babies change so quick, that time is gone though your fingers like water.
Wow, big feet on that sweet little girl. I love the daily updates – they remind me how in these early days all in you can do is take it one day at a time. Soon you’ll be able to take it 2 days, then you’ll be pissed that you made it 2 days and you’ll go back to one at a time. And then you’ll be at 3 and pissed again….It kind of goes like that all the way to some form of feeling normal. You can do it. Hang in there.
wow. i have never had that experience with formula…maybe it is because i buy it at costco – so they are used to people buying cracking making formula in bulk?!?
that is freakin funny stuff…so hilarious. cant wait to buy another batch….
the radio link wasn’t working for me, but none the less, i hope you have a blessed day and a safe flight back!
Give miss madeline a kiss from us and tell her happy birthday! wishing you a not so crappy tuesday…
aloha.
ooh i forgot to say what an absolute DOLL she is in her outfit – you are excellent at dressing your little princess!
oh crap–that is funny! i’m really glad you didn’t run out of the store–they probably would have called the cops! in san diego (where i used to live) my store had the formula and the condoms locked up in the same case… was always wondering about the deeper meaning behind that locked up combo!
madeline is looking so big in that carseat pic.
when i went to buy a certain formula in the st. cloud a couple years ago they had some of it behind the cig/lottery counter, but hey told me it was from people stealing it. cocaine? people sure are creative, because i would never thought of that in a million years. stupid me only uses formula for babies.
anyways, sounds like you’ve had a good time in mn. hope you guys have a good flight back home tomorrow.
this post cracked me up with the Minnetonka cocaine/formula incident. Who knew crack-heads in the Minnetonka discovered formula???
crazy stuff.
Madeline is getting so big already! cute.
Almost forgot today’s t-shirt idea:
I can double your crack sales. Ask me how!
Hi Matt & Madeline,
I have been a silent reader of your blog and I thought it’s time to drop a note and letting you know that I will keep on laughing and crying with you. Please email me your address when you get a chance, I got something for your sweet pea.
- Stefanie
So that’s how you stay awake all night…imbibing the formula along with Maddie!!! I can see it now: a little for you, a little for daddy!!!
A classic one for you:
If you’re going through hell, keep going.
Churchill
Locking up formula because they make crack with it? What is Minnetonka coming to?
Looked at your music choices of late and saw you were listening to Funeral by Arcade Fire. That is one of my favorite albums. I like it even better than Neon Bible (which some hipsters and critics may disown me for). Also heard the new Wolf Parade on Saturday. I’ve got to get down to Amoeba to pick it up. Love track six the best.
Hope you’re doing well. Happy Monday and 13th week birthday to Miss Maddie!
Seriously? They don’t have formula under lock and key in CA? WTF? You mean the MN has some big ass drug connection CA has not thought of?
It has been this way quite awhile, Pain in the ass when it’s something you need. You always look quilty when you are not.Just an obsevation!
Glad you got it without a hitch, hey Madeline is looking so much older these days. Quite the young lady now. Wow. You’re doing a great job. Enjoy the rest of your MN trip. Ya know
What a commentary that baby formula incident makes on our society!!! Who woulda thunk it! What’s next…locked up drugs?!? Oh, they already do that…hmmm. I can see it now, baby formula cartels in Columbia, flying out shipments to dealers all over the world. I would hate to be a mule for one of those deals. Can you imagine a can of formula up the butt?!?Matt…perhaps you should go out and buy a cow now just to be prepared so you can still feed sweet Maddie. Holy bat shit Robin they may even start locking up breast milk. Oh, thats right, it’s called a bra. Well the crazy lady in Texas is tired…obviously, right? BTW, God bless you and Madeline.
Hi Matt and Madeline!
Looks like today was a good day for you two!
Enjoying the updates on life’s happenings and can’t wait to hear more from you on the Glamour blogs, too! I think JD (from Storked) and Maddy should have a play-date… they’re both too cute for words.
Hope you have a great weekend!
jen in Bangalore
madeline is so beautiful!!
LOL that the cocaine formula was on lock down, and not even locked!!!
what the fuck!!!! make cocaine out of baby formula, i think the same way you do, should we give to the baby??? Glad you are having a great trip and hope you have a easy flight back home!
Hey Matt! Very funny story.
I’m a first time commenter, been reading for a week or so now. Someone posted about your blog on a message board I belong to and an entire community of women spent the day crying and sharing your blog together (we’re hitched dot ca, if you check your site stats!). I think that we’re all the better for it though, living more in the present. It’s amazing to see how your family and friends have rallied around you to help. And yes, it’s never what you expect, but it seems sometimes it’s just unfair the way things turn out.
That was the best story I have heard! Coffee almost came out of my nose.
Madeline looks all grown up in the first picture; she is getting so big! Thanks for keeping us updated! Sounds like you had some fun in the MN. . . . who knew about the formula/crack connection? hopefully none of us have to see it first hand. You are doing a great job with her; wish i had a Daddy like you when i was her age
Love this post!
Dear Matt,
I think it’s GREAT that you swear so much! I love swearing, too!
Susie
I’ve held off commenting more than once (or ten times). Didn’t have any words because mine were taken all away by the immense sadness I felt over the loss of Liz. I have no concept of your sadness, Matt.
The fucking nuclear family comment made my heart ache.
All I know is that there are a bunch of folks walking with you, “creeping” alongside
(me included), and hopefully providing a lot of levity.
Love the first picture of Madeline ! she is getting so big .. The formula story had me cracking up, to f’n funny, glad they let you buy it
Take care …
OMG! I have been out of the baby scene way to long, no one ever made cocaine out of it that I know of!! You crack me up Matt, I can totally picture you in that store, sweatin bullets!
My little sis came home from the San Francisco today, probably the same time you were leaving to go back to the LA – she said it was a very smooth flight, so hopefully you had an easy trip back.
Little Miss M is looking absolutely lovely and I swear she has grown – what a beautiful baby, she look like her mother
Thank God for your new AC, hear it’s 108 in the LA, hot enough to melt a robot!!!
BTW – where do I get the pants on fire Bush doll? Please tell me you asked!
I have been to stores where they lock down the baby formula, but they said (I couldn’t help but ask why) it was because the stuff’s so expensive & people do in fact steal it. I think the clerk at that Minnetonka store is either (a) confused and/or gullible, or (b) full of shit. Maybe she makes up a new story every time someone asks. Maybe if Matt went in on a different day, she would have said that terrorists use it to make roadside bombs.
@Matt–
Have been thinking of you all day as you travel back to the LA (note that I did NOT say “travel back HOME” as the MN is clearly where your home is!). If I were in your shoes, I know I would have had a tough time leaving your wonderful family behind. I know they will miss you too.
I hope your time here has been a good distraction…and that the return to reality isn’t TOO much of a bump…
many, many people are thinking of you today.
I definitely laughed out loud reading this post! I never knew stores locked up baby formula… I guess ya learn something new every day! Also, I loved the shot of Maddie getting changed in the Men’s room at the dome with all the dudes peeing in the background. Priceless!
Maddie has changed so much! She is such a beautiful little girl! Hope you enjoy the rest of your trip and thank you for bringing the awesome weather with you!
~AJ
Holy crap! Wait ’til I mention the formula-cocaine link at work. I can totally see the head doc (whom you met) having the formula put into our locked room. Ouy ve!
I’m sending a virtual squeeze to that cherub face of your beautiful girl. To you I send a hug and wishes for a peaceful trip back to the SoCal. Thankfully the temp has dropped below 100 (and you have ac, so your good to go!!)
LOL that’s too funny… baby formula– cocaine….
You’re doing an amazing job w/ Maddy. She is getting so big! Keep doing what you’re doing! Take care and Have fun!
Another stranger/friend about pissing theirself over here over the crack/formula story!
I’m with you… what the fuck?
Love that first picture of Madeline. Looks like me at work. Or at the bar. Not sure which. ha ha ha
She is really filling out! What a lil beauty.
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted any messages, but I continue to check on you guys daily and you are in my thoughts often. The formula where I’m at is locked up too, but when I asked, the cashier said it’s becuase it gets stolen, maybe your cashier was on crack??? Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I have 3 kids and it gets crazy sometimes and it feels like all we ever do is run kids around to see everyone, and I never get any quality time because we are always getting ready to be somewhere or in the car. Just a suggestion… have time everyday for the 2 of you to be alone (you guys are BUSY!!!) with nothing else to do, even just a couple of hours to have her to yourself would probably make you (and Madeline) feel a little better. You are going thru so much and I can’t even begin to imagine how overwhelming your life is, I will continue to keep you in my thoughts.
M&M…hope your return trip to LA went smoothly this morning. Did Maddy still fit into the security screening bin, or did she outgrow it in her two weeks in MN? She sure looks like she’s grown since her arrival here!
Anyways, just wanted to let you know that I’ve been thinking about you both and hoping you’re having a better than normal Tuesday.
*Hugs* to you both
Okay, I peeked ahead at the pictures. Matt, I love the picture with you in the grass. It seems approriate somehow… I could really identify with that photo. I hope to meet you next time you are in the MN. Looks like you had a great time.
i keep coming back to the picture of madeline in her car seat (i can’t recall you calling her maddy so i will refrain until you do)…something about it just makes me smile.
i must admit that i also look at your flickr site (new pics make me excited that a new post is coming soon!) and i am enjoying all of your shots…hoping that the many, many photos you have been taking lately are also part of your healing…if not, they are awesome anyway!
hope you both had a safe trip back.
WTF??? I also just thought people stole it since it is so expensive. What a fun factoid to pass around. Thanks for the lesson of the day!
Hope you had a smooth flight back to the LA today!
Greetings, Matt! (I know it’s been a while since I commented.)
Just wanted to send my love your way!
And I also wanted to say “wow” about the reason formula is always on lockdown. I live in a small, Southern town and our grocery stores do it too. Except until now, I had no idea why… so now I’m sort of alarmed…
Hmm. LOL!
Madeline is just thriving and gorgeous, as usual
By the way- Is it possible to be proud of someone you have never met before? Because I am, Matt. I’m so freaking proud of you
Wishing I could give both of you guys huge, suffocating hugs,
Jess
Hi Matt,
I started reading your blog after you guest blogged for Chrissy from Storked!. I just realized that our babies were born 1 day apart (my baby boy was born 3/23). Your blog is incredible. I alternate from laughing and crying every time I read it. Madeline is a beautiful baby – she looks like her mother. You seem to be adjusting to fatherhood well – my husband just started watching our baby after my return to work and he is not adjusting as well as you. Just today he called me at work to tell me he put the baby to sleep in his carseat next to the dishwasher because he couldn’t get him to nap, haha.
Just wanted to let you know that you and Madeline are in our thoughts.
Sheila
Hi Matt, Hope you, Maddy and Awesome Auntie Deb had a good flight home. Happy 13th week B-day Miss Maddy (one day late) and hope this Tuesday was a little easier than the rest.
Hey, wanted to say that I have been there…where you are now… 10 years ago, I also left the hospital with a newborn and what was left of my sanity. Anyway , we made it. Amanda and I. And we also have a some new family members now and one more little girl…That happened when she was 3. So I can relate to you so very well. If you ever have any questions (except the crack thing cause Ive never heard of this either) just let me know.
Cutting cocaine with baby formula?!??! I’ve never heard of that before! Fucking weirdos, why would they use expensive formula? I wonder if they think it’s not so bad since it’s “Iron Fortified”.
Hope you’re having a good day! We’re thinkin about ya up here in Washington!
PS I love that first picture of her, she looks like she peaked her one eye open to look at you and say “What the? C’mon Dad, I’m sleeping.. get that camera away!” What a cutie!!!!
Just realized it’s the 24th today….
HAPPY 3 MONTHS MADELINE!
xoxo
Hi Matt,
Geez you make Minnesota look good! You are an awesome photographer and I’m wondering if you know about or have considered selling on iStock. The fees are teensy, but really can add up. I have friends who are making serious money—enough to scale waaaaay back on their day jobs. If you haven’t, check it out at http://www.istockphotography.com.
If you Google “making crack out of baby formula” the first site listed is this blog….
However, further research found this excerpt: “Infant formula is often used in the drug world. Drug dealers use powdered baby formula to cut the strength of cocaine and heroin. According to a recent article in Chicago’s Journal Standard, “the popular powdered baby formula is primarily used in the drug world to dilute heroin and methamphetamine or to stretch the product when supplies run low.” Special Agent Joanna Zoltay states that, “The consistency and the way it looks is what makes it a good cutting agent,” Zoltay said. Infant formula is non-toxic and relatively safe to cut with any number of drugs.”
And with that fascinating tidbit, I hope you and Maddy had a safe trip home with limited amounts of screaming, fussing, and pant-crapping. For both of you.
The MN is already ready for your next visit!
Welcome back, Matt!
Yes, welcome to California, where we have high Meth-making equipment seizures, but relatively low arrests! Please enjoy this informative chart which I have found on the Interwebs for your perusal.
http://democrats.science.house.gov/Media/File/Investigations/Methamphetamine/meth_stats_2004.pdf
Congratulations on being the #1 Google result for crack/baby formula searches! Nice job, Research Maven Becky P.!
Either I’m suffering from some serious deja vu or the part of your Friday post from the beginning with the (absolutely fabulous) Maddy’s photos through the (absolutely fabulous) Hennepin bridge shots appears twice…
Hey Matt —
Been traveling so I haven’t had the time to lurk. Best.post.ever. I was howling at my desk…
I don’t imagine that you even read posts from this far back in your life, but I am still posting. My cousin told me about you and your amazing journey. So I started reading…and crying. Having seen some loss in my short 33 years, I think that you are amazing to have put it here for everyone to see. I hope that your sweet little girl knows what an amazing daddy she has and I wish you both the best of luck, life, and love.
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