(i’m slowly catching up on the posts)
happy birthday once again to madeline.
birthday month 3 of 12.
woke up early,
four hours of sleep.
time to pack.
i hate this.
everything thrown into
two suitcases.
it’s difficult to travel with
a baby,
but in losing
liz
i also lost that
extra suitcase,
the one i could shove
stuff into when there
was no room in mine.
it actually worked
the other way around
most of the time,
but you get the point.
i also lost that second
set of packing hands
(madeline’s not much help…she just did this the whole time):
we leave the mn
with way more than
we had when
we arrived just 13 days ago.
(couldn’t fit it all in the suitcases. it will be shipped or delivered by the grandparents).
plus, the airlines
are now charging for
a second bag.
perfect timing.
(jerks).
it took less than
ten minutes
to get everything
i could fit,
packed into the two suitcases
nothing folded,
seams about to burst.
grandma broccoli was at the
door, ready to take
us to the airport.
the grandparents g. got
a chance to feed
madeline one last time
then they wished us
a good trip,
and said goodbye.
made it to the airport
in record time
me, the la driver behind
the wheel
(grandma broccoli wanted to spend the entire ride in the back seat, staring at madeline).
my bag was a 1/2 pound
over the weight limit
(here we go…an opportunity for the airline to make another $50 off of me).
compassion was shown
without me having to
beg.
(not jerks).
it was much easier
walking through
the msp airport
this time.
newspapers on walls,
but our faces not staring
back at us.
even so,
i felt the stares.
did they recognize us
or were they staring at the dad
with the baby strapped
to his stomach while
a woman (awesome auntie deb)
followed behind?
didn’t matter
it was time to visit
the senator larry craig stall
identified the spot,
thanks to the help
of commentor anna in (the) minneapolis
and took the photo.
another successful
bathroom photo expedition.
(success = not getting my ass kicked).
it was time to jump on
the plane.
getting those looks again,
the
“oh shit…that little baby is going to cry the whole flight”
looks.
little do they know
that madeline is the perfect
child
(well, i hope she’s half as good as she was on the flight to the mpls).
of course she was perfect.
cried briefly once,
for less than one minute
’cause she was hungry.
changed her diaper
mid-air for the first
time.
partial success.
forgot the changing pad
in the overhead bin
(sorry, madeline. that had to be uncomfortable).
met a woman who asked
me where mom was.
she was saddened by
the answer.
she must have told
another lady,
’cause later a stranger
showed up with some questions
and a request to hold madeline.
the flight was over
before we knew it
and we were both happy
to get back to the los angeles
(can’t speak for awesome auntie deb).
the car was waiting,
and drove toward home.
drove past downtown,
seeing all the tall buildings,
reminded me that this
is indeed home.
seeing the building where
liz
used to work,
i suddenly felt overwhelmed by
the future.
made it home,
happy to be back
but not looking forward
to walking in that door without
liz.
walked up the stairs,
walked in the door.
holy shit.
i guess there
were a few packages
delivered while we
were gone.
(thank you, thank you, thank you. it may take me a while to get through these).
decided that everything
must wait
’cause we were hungry.
the three of us
headed to the atwater village
for a little lunch.
first, we stopped
at the bank and ended
up adding to
the package collection.
locked my keys in my car
(stupid tuesday).
yeah.
i think i’ve done that
once before in my entire
life.
it seems i’m a little
preoccupied these days.
thankfully
liz
prepaid our aaa membership
through 2009
(she was so fucking awesome)
so i got the keys
back within 15 minutes.
madeline got fed
(photos found here)
and then we headed
to amoeba to pick
up a few things.
back home, everyone
took a short nap
before taking awesome auntie deb
to the burbank airport.
we said goodbye
and drove home
to our empty house.
spent a quiet night on the
couch with madeline,
listened to music all night.
exhausted.
went to bed early,
missing madeline’s
mom.
68 Comments
She is so fabulous, and you are doing a fabulous job.
Matt, I am glad your trip to and from Mn was wonderful.
So sorry that it is so hard without Liz. She is with you and Madeline every step of the way.
Hope you have a nice time opening up some more awesome gifts.
Glad you are both home and getting settled back in.
Great pictures! Love that baby girl!
Congratulations on a successful, if occasionally gut-wrenching, trip! I’m excited that you were able to document your visit to the Larry Craig stall, home of the “wide-stance”.
I cannot believe the airline let you get away with that extra half pound. You’re like, cursed & charmed at the same time.
*Sigh.*
Whoa that is a lot of packages. Glad to see you made it home okay!!
Thanks for visiting the MN. We were so happy to have you back and to spend time with our favorite strangers slash friends. You are great Matt!
AV
Matt,
So glad to hear you had a safe trip home. You and Madeline our in my thoughts and prayers!
Debbie
I’m glad you arrived home safely. I hope the rest of your week went well.
Thank you for allowing us a glimpse inside the Larry Craig stall! I’ve been wondering what it was like in there. Looks clean but not decorated as nicely as I would expect for a bathroom of that sort.
It seems like you are getting more and more comfortable with the parenting thing everyday even though it has to be incredibly hard without Liz.
Can’t wait to see what surprises you got in that stack of packages. Welcome home!
Thanks for sharing your story and letting all these strangers/friends take the journey with you.
glad you had a safe flight back. can’t wait to see what is in the all those packages!
Lovely shots again, she’s such a dollface.
and quite the seasoned traveller!
Glad little Madeline was a good girl on the flight. (knew she would be) Wow! look at all those goodies waiting for you when you returned home. You are truly surrounded by so much love and well wishes.
Your Madeline gets more beautiful as the day goes by…
She is a very special little girl. Not only does she have a wonderful daddy but she also has an Angel Mommy who watches out for the two of you.
Blessing…
i was waiting for a picture of the giant pile of boxes! mine will be arriving shortly i’m sure. glad you both got home safe.
hugs
erica and Landon
Glad to hear your trip back was uneventful. I’m impressed by the mid-air diaper change! Love those big baby blues Madeline has.
glad you’re home but sad you’re so far from family. my sister went back to MN the same day you came back to LA. i wish she were closer just like i’m sure the grandparents wish you and maddy were closer…
Madeline definitely has your eyes, Matt. She for sure looks like Liz but she does have your eyes.
That’s a lotta packages. I’m going to add to that this week. Now that you’re home, and I have a few spare minutes, I’ll get that Father’s Day package off to you.
Glad to hear you’re home – one of the boxes in package mountain is from us. Hopefully we’ll get to introduce baby Joey to Madeline soon, once things have settled for all of us!
Hi Matt – - I can totally see why the future would seem overwhelming, but try to think about it only to the extent that you absolutely have to. Your present is enough for you to manage right now. When I went through a difficult situation a few years ago I had a little ritual where at the end of every night I would sit in the exact same spot and I would say to myself, “you’re back here – you made it through another day”. I tried to focus on making it moment by moment and day by day. When you start thinking about things in the future that absolutely don’t require your attention right now, perhaps you can practice bringing yourself back to the present day…and congratulate yourself at the end of every day for making it through another one!
Madeline gets more beautiful every day! I can’t believe how big she’s getting. And wow – all of those packages – I hope that reminds you that you have so many people thinking of you.
I’m glad you had a safe mostly uneventful trip home.
Wow, tons of packages!
Thinking of you both.
Just offering a simple, gentle hug from Canada Matt!
You are in my thoughts!
your last three words really hit me today.
******missing Madeline’s mom*********
I think of the two of you daily. Hug your sweet bundle a little tighter as she is a part of the love you and liz shared.
Glad you made it safely back home. Travel is exhausting. Rest. Do you get weary of people asking the question?
Open those boxes! I can’t wait to see what’s inside.
- Suzanne, the Farmer’s Wife
So glad to hear you made it home ok. So sad though that you had to leave the MN. We loved having you here. Happy Birthday to Madeline. What a precious, absolutley gorgeous girl you have there.
Sounds like a she was an awesome camper on the flight home!!! So happy for you that shes such a good baby all around. Must be very difficult coming home to that empty house but am glad that you have tons to do lately to keep you busy just keep it up!!! AND US of course :=) XXXOO Hugs to you&Maddy this blog keep me goin!
Welcome home, looks like Madeline was awesome on the flight home (of course she was). Have fun opening all your packages!
Um, wow. That’s a lot of packages. I’ve been a faithful reader of your blog for weeks now and I’m constantly amazed at the sheer volume of STUFF you receive weekly. I have a small business making handmade baby things and I thought of sending you something, but do you really need more? It appears you have a smallish home–where do you put all these things?
Welcome home, btw. Loved your travelogue of the MN.
I don’t have anything profound to say- I just like being the first poster.
I like that you take photos of the packages. Most people see the outside packaging as ugly but, yours, they look raw and pretty.
Wowzer…the packages! U & Maddy certainly are pretty important to many ppl. Glad to see you made it home ok. Youi never know just how many lives you have touched. Take Care.
glad you had a safe trip back. maddy is such a great baby! and adorable- i love deb’s burping pics
Glad you had a safe trip back to Cali. Charging for a second bag. . . robbery!
I was worried while you were in MN about packages being delivered. I figured someone would be watching the house but I didn’t say anything earlier (didn’t want to add to stress). *whew*.
I was more worried about you getting hit on in the men’s restroom. And then arrested!
Stole today’s quote from a lyric website, goes with missing Liz and having Madeline:
Other men said they have seen angels,
But I have seen thee
And thou art enough.
~ by G. Moore ~
Glad to hear you made it back safe and sound and that Madeline was such an angel on the flight! What a sweetheart she is!!
guess you weren’t kidding about all the gifties awaiting you! don’t forget to open mine FIRST!
there’s crack and/or cocaine powder, i mean formula, in there for little miss m. (and yes, that is me trying to bribe you!) enjoy!!
glad you had a pleasant return flight, however the mn misses you.
nbl~
Well, I’m somewhere in that pile and bummed I forgot to add the most important thing, my daughters glitter glue creation for you and m. Well, sift through your email to see if u can find a pic of it anyway!
I’m glad your trip was awesome and I have a feeling m. will be quite the flying pro within the next few years
Have a good week!
glad you and Madaline made it back to L.A. I had to laugh about the Larry Craig stall. So glad he represents Idaho. Go Idaho! Dumbass.
looks like you’ve got your work cut out for you with all those packages!
glad that you and your little lady had another successful flight – the empty house sucks but you’re in some pretty good company.
Matt, just wanted to let you know I am a letter carrier for the post office and we really appreciate the business your stranger, friends are sending our way. Happy you had a safe and uneventful trip home!
I stumbled across your blog this past Friday and have read a lot trying to get caught up…your story has pulled at my heart strings, of course, how could it not…? Here is a big hug from lynn and family in the va, you are in our prayers. I know Liz must be just beaming…at your amazing parenting during this time and probably getting a great laugh out of all the robot “stuff” Maddy has acquired.
I could not help myself and went on a small shopping trip last night, your package will arrive soon. Maddy is simply precious and she has an awesome Dad, somehow we know, in time, you guys are going to be just fine.
your stranger-friends in the va and formerly the wi (sconnies)
I’m always a little emotional at the end of a trip. Traveling itself can be hard on the body, and once you’re home it gives you a chance to feel it. (((M&M))) Hope you’re starting to feel rested.
Glad the trip home was good, at least for the most part. So the bathroom pics, these are becoming a “thing” aren’t they?? lol
Welcome home Logelin family- the future is a big prospect indeed, while you sure have a nice travelling companion for that wild venture.
Hi Matt!
I’m glad to hear the trip home was uneventful! Have fun going through all the packages! Maddie is looking more and more beautiful every day – you’re doing fucking awesome! Keep it up!
Em D.
From the mtka
Hey Matt-
I had to chuckle when you talked about people giving you “the look” as you walked down the aisle of the plane w/Madeline. I always felt like Typhoid Mary whenever I flew w/ my boys as babies. To keep it interesting, I usually tried to find the most uptight-looking person, usually a man in a suit w/gadgets attached to every appendage, and pretend my seat was the open one right next to him. Just watching the anguished look on their faces as I double checked my seat assignemnt gave me the needed boost to get me through the flight.
Glad you guys are home safe. . .
Peace,
Lindsay D.
Hi Matt,
I think you should keep all those boxes you get so Maddy can make a great big fort with them someday!
Love,
Piper
Holy smokes, that is A LOT of packages. Look how much you and Maddy are loved by so many stranger friends. This world is still a decent place sometimes.
I dont know much (obv, since I make such stupid ass comments all the fucking time). But I do know this much. This early (and you are doing it right as the blog shows), its one day at a time. Dont think about the future too far. Because lets face it. None of us have control over that, nor do we have control of the past.
You are doing awesome as is evident in the face of your baby. She loves you, and you love here. For now, that is enough. And the most awesome part is that your baby is a part of Liz too. She will always be a part of you.
Sending you big hugs from the Garden State.
Glad to see you are home safely!!
Look at all that love packaged up and mailed to you!!!
Glad you made it home safely. Coming home seems bittersweet. I’m sorry. Have a hug, on me.
Hmm.. thought I had posted already… In case it has disappeared, let me reiterate, Glad to see you made it home safely!
And I think its amazing the love and care those boxes represent!
she is so beautiful. i think she looks just like her mommy. i think that is pretty cool too bc most little girls (at least mine and my good friends) look just like their daddys. how sweet that she looks like liz.
thinking about you today….this post made sad. ugh….praying for you.
ps. the airlines ARE jerks…(looking forward to my 5 week trip to the mainland with a 9 month old and one suitcase…) – enter sarcasm here-
aloha friend!
Sometimes looking to the future can be overwhelming, but I know you and Madeline we’ll do well together. Plus, I know you’ll have the support of your family and all your friends and new ones you’re sure to make.
Thinking of you an Madeline.
welcome home
Hi Matt,
I read your site daily and never can think of any original condolences to send your way. But today I have the urge to connect as I feel I have grown to know you.
I love my husband as much as you love Liz, something that I’m learning is not necessarily the norm of married couples. My heart aches at the thought of losing him, and it breaks to think of how much you miss Liz. I’m really sorry you have to endure this heartache.
Keep up the great work. Melissa H.
Hi Matt,
Maddy is getting so big. Every pic she looks different, and more adorable. Take care of yourself and Maddy. Liz would be so proud of you and all that you have done in the last 13 wks. Keep the pics coming. Enjoy every minute of every day and know that Maddy will always be a part of the love you and Liz shared! xo
Welcome home!
Matt-
Glad you made it home safely – somehow it’s a little big sad that you are no longer in the MN.
Of course Maddy was perfect – she IS the perfect child, never doubt that!
The future is daunting for all, overwhelming but an adventure, one you get to share with your daughter – it will be amazing;-)
Hugs to you Both
Kris L
I understand that look, I just flew with my almost three year old and I had a man ask to switch seats; my daughter was great! she watched cartoons on my ipod the entire time…. some people are jerks. I enjoyed the bathroom shots… she is beautiful.
Glad to see you made it back safely to the LA. BTW, that Thelonius Monk shirt made you cooler than 98% of the population.
I can’t say this enough, you are doing an amazing job. I feel so blessed that I get to be a part of your life, through you blogging. Madeline is so adorable and so lucky to have you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing with us.
Hi Matt,
Glad you made it back safely. The first picture of Maddy looks so sweet and I agree with the other poster, that her eyes do reflect yours there. She’s such a cute mini-Matt/mini Liz baby.
The post office closed on Sat. 10 minutes after I got there, so I’ll be sending your package today and adding to your pile there.
This may not be your thing, so feel free to give me a virtual slap if you want, but have you considered taking a yoga class, Tai Chi or even a karate class for not only some stress reduction, but also just to do something good and fun for yourself? Just food for thought…..ok, back to your regularly scheduled programming :O)
Glad you made it home safely. You’re in my thoughts everyday. Maddy is so beautful. You have Liz watching over you each day and I’m sure she’s so proud of you.
@Matt–
First of all, you need to get that little girl pulling her weight and SOON. What the hell…she can’t help PACK, for Chrissake! Next thing you know she’ll be whining that she can’t STAND or SIT…we coddle these kids too long these days.
Second, love your attitude about the beating you did not receive in the men’s room. Simply by not getting your ass kicked, you’re wildly successful every day! It’s important to keep expectations low.
Third, glad to see you at home safely. Where indeed are you going to put all these wonderful gifts you are getting…?
Please don’t think I’m suggesting that Maddie (and you) don’t deserve every bit of the wonderful things coming your way (I confess to bringing a gift to your party myself)…but one great way to ensure that Liz’s memory would spread even more warmth around might be to donate some of the extra onesies, etc. to a homeless shelter or some such…? Just a thought…tell me to go fuck myself if you want.
Welcome back “home”…which I don’t really mean, since we here in the MN know that THIS is your TRUE home. LA just gets to borrow you for a few years…
@Lindsay D.–I love your toying with self-important businessmen on the plane. I’ll have to remember that the next time I invade the friendly skies with my two hell-raisers.
Welcome home Matt and Madeline. So happy that the weather is better here than when you were away. You are a wonderful Daddy and you’re doing such a great job. When do you have to go back to work? (ugh…) Wish I lived closer, I’d watch the little sweetie for you (live-scanned, cpr, ect.!) Take care, you’re stranger friend up the 5.
Poor Maddy will eventually have enough pics for a whole photo book on bathroom stalls! But, I’m sure she’s going to have your sense of humor and she’ll love it!
Presents are fun. I’m sure Madeline will agree.
Miss M get to those packages!
Welcome Home Matt. One day at a time.