monday – 14-week birthday.

seriously.

still reeling from the

excitement of the weekend,

and anticipating the

activities of the

coming week,

madeline and i

spent the morning enjoying

doing nothing.

seriously.

nothing.

she slept.

sleeping.

then she woke up

and we

just stared at each other.

waking.
wide awake.
i did not teach her this.

(look at those eyes!)

it was nice.

celebrated birthday week 14/52

by going to lunch with

auntie anya in the atwater village.

had a nice chat

and some good food.

went home and did

more of what we

did that morning.

i listened to some music

and madeline loved it.

later we went to dinner

with auntie angel fan

and auntie anya.

i collected on the $3

bet i had with diane.

(dodger’s won the freeway series, even winning a game during which they didn’t get a hit).

(take that, diane!).

and we talked of the future.

said goodbye to anya

and went with diane

to do a little shopping.

went home after buying

nothing, saying goodbye

to diane.

i paid some bills,

then madeline and i sat

in the house,

listening to more

music, me poking her

in the cheeks to get

a smile,

madeline smiling

(sometimes).

we fell asleep on

the couch again.

a relaxing day and night.

happy.

65 Comments

  1. Posted 7/5/2008 at 4:19 pm | Permalink

    hope you got the 14th week robot bday card i sent!

  2. Posted 7/5/2008 at 4:28 pm | Permalink

    Hi,
    It was worth reading. I have read every entry from the begging. You always put a smile on my face and make me thankful for what I have. Your daughter is beautiful and your are very lucky. Everyday might not be easy but those that are make the harder one that much more worth it. I believe it will get easier as time goes on. Hang in there.
    Amanda from MA.
    Ps. if you are ever in town we should have lunch or hit up a sox game… you know the best baseball team. Hehehehe.

  3. Posted 7/5/2008 at 4:30 pm | Permalink

    Ps. I’m also a photographer and love your work.

  4. amanda
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 4:37 pm | Permalink

    she is beautiful! and I’m the 3rd amanda to post!!!

  5. Posted 7/5/2008 at 4:45 pm | Permalink

    Another Amanda here!

    She looks so much like you in that second pic…

  6. strngr/relative barb
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 4:46 pm | Permalink

    Always worth reading. Thanks for sharing your life with all off us stranger/relatives! Maddie has such big bright eyes and is getting bigger and is so expressive. I love following your story and seeing things from your point of view. Have a great evening. Wish you guys were here sharing a glass of wine with us in our backyard. We have a lovely hammock Ms. Maddie could nap in : )

  7. Posted 7/5/2008 at 5:05 pm | Permalink

    Nice. She is so cute. I would pinch her cheeks too!

  8. Kelly
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 5:05 pm | Permalink

    Always worth reading….and remembering.

    Happy moments, sad moments, the good and the bad. it is all important and worthy of being held up and being given its due.

    Thank you…through your very worthy moments..you sometimes enable others to see value in their own.

  9. Sol from Argentina
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 5:06 pm | Permalink

    Wow!!! Its seems that you have an AMANDA fan’s club! :)
    I gave up trying to be the “first”….I realised that the time difference will not allow me to reach the PODIUM never!
    Anyway, really very HAPPY to read that you are having such great time with Maddy!
    xoxo
    Sol

  10. Amy from the Ville
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 5:21 pm | Permalink

    So glad you are stringing a few happy days together! :) I hope you are enjoying the Holiday weekend.

    Amy from Louisville, KY.

  11. Desirae from NC
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 5:29 pm | Permalink

    omg that pic of madeline sticking out her tongue is priceless!!!! How freaking cute!!!!!!

  12. Rebecca
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 5:33 pm | Permalink

    YEA!!! Another happy day. So glad to see that Matt. Madeline is so beautiful! I know she is such joy to you.

  13. Posted 7/5/2008 at 5:55 pm | Permalink

    sounds like a nice day. i used to poke my son for smiles too!

    hugs from NJ,
    erica and Landon

  14. Kris
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 6:03 pm | Permalink

    I really like how all of the last several posts are ending . . . with happiness and smiles.

    Hugs :)

  15. Maureen from PA
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 6:15 pm | Permalink

    Matt-I’m NOT an Amanda…do I still get to post today??
    Glad to hear that you had a relaxing day, I was getting exhausted just READING about all that you have been doing. Some one on one time is probably a nice change. I like reading about these kind of days, because I would have to imagine that sometimes, just sitting still can be hard, and the fact that you can do it and smile is a great thing.
    I cannot get over how beautiful those pictures are. She must be such a joy to be with. In that sense, you are one lucky guy. I simply cannot look at those pictures without a smile on my face. Seriously. She looks so happy and healthy and loved. :-)
    ~Maureen

  16. Posted 7/5/2008 at 6:19 pm | Permalink

    Wow! Madeline really does have amazing eyes!

    Glad to hear that you had a nice relaxing day.

  17. The Aitch
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 6:23 pm | Permalink

    Awesome!. And wow, what a good looking kid!

  18. Amanda in the MN
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 6:32 pm | Permalink

    Another Amanda here in the MN. I have been lurking since the article in the Star Trib… Since it seems to be Amanda day thought it the perfect time to post. Glad to hear you had a “happy” day. Ok WOW posting was fun!

  19. MJB from NC
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 6:45 pm | Permalink

    totally worth reading — glad to see that you had a calm, relaxing day.

  20. Brittany
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 7:02 pm | Permalink

    I love that picture of Madeline sleeping. She is so beautiful. Glad to see that you had a nice, relaxing day.

  21. MeM from the MN
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 7:16 pm | Permalink

    As I’ve said before, every other time I read this I want to laugh and cry.
    Madeline looks like Liz in the first pic, something about her lips. But then presto changeo!, she looks like you in others. Amazing.
    You will be reduced to rasberries on her belly before too long. It’s a given.
    I love the photography, you have a sense of the bizarre, humorous and beautiful all together. I hope you never lose it.

  22. rachel in the stpaul
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 7:48 pm | Permalink

    I love the shot of Madeline with her tongue out — adorable! Glad you had a happy day.

  23. Lisa in AZ
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 7:59 pm | Permalink

    I feel like such a slacker for not commenting on previous posts. Here you are following through and catching up and I can’t keep up. Gift in the mail on Monday (to bank)!!!

    Here’s several quotes to make up for not posting previously. For both Liz, love and Madeline’s beautiful big blue eyes:

    “But to see her was to love her, love but her, and love her forever.”
    –Robert Burns

    “She walks in Beauty, like the night
    Of cloudness climes and starry skies,
    And all that’s best of dark and bright
    Meet in her aspect and her eyes…”
    –Lord Byron

    “Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart.”
    –Robert Sexton

  24. Posted 7/5/2008 at 8:36 pm | Permalink

    You are aware that your daughter is so friggin cute that you don’t even have to put words down, I would read it anyway!!

  25. Amanda in the MN
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 8:39 pm | Permalink

    I am ANOTHER Amanda in the MN! Just had to come out of lurking on Amanda day! Maddy is just beautiful…but you already know that :)

  26. Posted 7/5/2008 at 9:02 pm | Permalink

    Madeline is more beautiful every day! Her skin is just flawless, and those beautiful eyes…you’re going to have your work cut out for you when it’s time to scare the boys away!

  27. Jeni from MN
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 9:08 pm | Permalink

    Way too cute- the picture with her sticking her tongue out! I’m glad that Madeline and you had a relaxing and Happy 14/52 birthday. Things are sounding that they are on the up! Take care!

  28. Posted 7/5/2008 at 9:13 pm | Permalink

    Hi Matt!

    Those blue eyes are just so beautiful. I have added you to my google reader so I don’t always come directly to your website and have been missing out on the comments lately. the site looks good. When are the t-shirts coming?

    Just wait until you hear a giggle from little Madeline, the things you will do to get that kid to laugh, oh the fun you will have.

    -Alicia D from the CA

  29. Posted 7/5/2008 at 9:19 pm | Permalink

    What gorgeous eyes – and that smile…I can see how easy it would be to just hang out and stare at her all day long. Babies are wonderful that way (and a million other ways too, except for the poop and the barf).

  30. Cindy from Saugus,Ca
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 9:22 pm | Permalink

    Beautiful baby and amazing Daddy. What a great job you’re doing .

  31. Chels in the NorCal
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 10:01 pm | Permalink

    Love the Madeline pics :) She is a beauty!

    Hope you are enjoying the holiday weekend!

    You are here in the north- right? Hope you enjoyed our wonderful ballpark, and your Dodgers won on the 4th. :( for me, but happy for you…. oh well, at least we got it tonight!!!!

  32. Posted 7/5/2008 at 10:47 pm | Permalink

    happy! so glad to read that word…

  33. Anna in the WA
    Posted 7/5/2008 at 11:33 pm | Permalink

    FIRST mad props to Lisa in AZ for using a Robert Burns quote…I’m actually not originally from the WA but from the UK, and Burns nights are HUGE back in the motherland. Ode to a Haggis? Anyone? No?

    MATT: Attended my first baseball game today EVER out of interest created by your baseball game posts…the Mariners…we won!!! WOO!!!

    I’m really glad you are having happy, relaxing days. Madeline has the most stunning blue eyes. Or if I were to use the word of the day, I’d say she has the most pulchritudinous blue eyes. It’s a compliment, even though it doesn’t sound like one at ALL.

  34. Jess in the Aloha state.....
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 12:10 am | Permalink

    so glad you are having some happy days.

    :)

  35. Pixie
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 4:44 am | Permalink

    Hi Matt,
    Hi Madeline,

    Warm wishes to both of you on this 4th of July weekend…

    Still reading…

    Pixie

  36. Julie in the New Hope MN
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 6:26 am | Permalink

    I love the last word of today’s post… happy! So nice to hear you say that word!

  37. Mo Mo
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 6:27 am | Permalink

    No, I’m not another Amanda but wanted to say hellow anyway. Love the photos. She’s quite the cutie pie and appears to know it.

    Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You’re doing great! Good days, bad days thanks for sharing it all. I’m not sure I would have that kind of courage.

  38. Posted 7/6/2008 at 6:38 am | Permalink

    I feel quite left out not being an Amanda, but Madeline’s wee sticky out tongue more than makes up for it!

  39. sarah smith
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 7:34 am | Permalink

    this kid is ridiculously cute. and how very cool to read a post that finishes with “happy.” enjoy the rest of the weekend and the upcoming week. thanks again for letting us all in on it.

  40. Catherine at 55116
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 7:59 am | Permalink

    Matthew,

    I believe wholeheartedly that the educational section of the newspaper is just that and at times also provides some comic relief…

    As we’ve traveled along life’s path, how grateful I am for your company and how grateful I am for your bringing along what I lack. But most of all, I’m grateful for what you’ve left behind when we had to part…for those provisions sustain me on my journey and lighten my burden.

    ~~ T.W. “Ziggy and Friends” December 2002
    Written for Susan and all my beautiful fellow travelers in life. ~~

  41. Debbie From Ohio
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 8:51 am | Permalink

    I just love it when they sleep with their arms above their heads. I tried it once and it was very uncomfortable…. anyway, she is just growing like a weed! Wish we were closer to have a playdate.

    Take care,
    Debbie

  42. Andrea V
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 9:37 am | Permalink

    I am not an Amanda, but an Andrea – it’s close, does that count?

    What is it about some babies that make you just want to eat them up? Madeline certainly is one of them. She is a beauty!

  43. Kris L in the MN
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 9:46 am | Permalink

    M&M
    Awesome “happy” post, amazingly beautiful babe – with eyes like heaven ;-)
    Thank you for sharing!

  44. Posted 7/6/2008 at 11:23 am | Permalink

    *always* worth reading…

  45. Laura
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 2:14 pm | Permalink

    I have just read your blog so far from start to finish. I have tears pouring down my face, from the sadness and the hope and the growth from the sadness.

    I am sending much love and strength from England to both you and Madeline.

    Laura.

  46. Tully from Iowa
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 5:30 pm | Permalink

    I love these pictures of Madeline and I’m glad it was a happy day for you.

  47. Posted 7/6/2008 at 6:24 pm | Permalink

    What a little beauty! I so enjoy reading of you having some happy times. I’ll keep sending good karma your way.
    I enjoy reading your blog.

  48. Posted 7/6/2008 at 7:36 pm | Permalink

    see i think that was well worth reading!
    the cute baby alone does my uterus wonders.

  49. colleen
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 7:56 pm | Permalink

    Matt
    How strange do address you like I know you….but after weeks of strangers doing it, maybe you are getting used to it? Like so many others I am drawn to your blog…your loss is tragic. I cannot identify, I cannot even let myself imagine it happening to me, but the way you are finding your way through this is amazing. (I know how dumb that must sound, what choice do you have) How overwhelming to have to handle the most awful loss and at the same time embrace the miracle of your daughter. Whatever you are doing — keep doing it! Wishing you a happy week, one day at a time, and looking forward to your next post.

  50. Glenda in San Diego
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 8:02 pm | Permalink

    Always enjoy reading. Thanks for sharing your life and Maddy with us! love the pics! she’s getting so big… God Bless! So glad you had another happy day! :)

  51. Rita in Texas
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 8:05 pm | Permalink

    What a wonderful word that last word is. It made me smile. Happy.

  52. Michelle
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 8:26 pm | Permalink

    nothing kind of days are fabulous when you have a baby, they grow so fast, its so meaningful to spend nothing time with them.

  53. Posted 7/6/2008 at 8:55 pm | Permalink

    What’s up with all the Amandas’ today???
    Always worth reading, my day wouldn’t be complete if I did see what the lastest was!! Love the pics of Madeline, so precious!! Sounds like you had a lovely day together!! Here’s to more!!

  54. em
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 9:09 pm | Permalink

    that might not be worth reading. but you didn’t write it.

    ;-)

  55. Missy
    Posted 7/6/2008 at 9:27 pm | Permalink

    What a beautiful little girl!! Great pics!

  56. Posted 7/6/2008 at 11:43 pm | Permalink

    Yes, those eyes are amazing! Gorgeous girl you’ve got there. I’m boycotting all things computer for the week, but I’m already looking forward to next weekend and catching up here!

  57. LP
    Posted 7/7/2008 at 12:01 am | Permalink

    Thank you.
    A friend directed me here – and after reading your post about Liz, I wasn’t sure I could read on.
    I came as near to dying during my daughter’s birth 5 1/2 yrs ago as you can and live to tell about it.
    Still to this day, I look at her & my husband and sometimes think I’m living on borrowed time – but I’m so glad to be here for them.
    I cry just from thinking about it – this many years later.
    I know that Liz must always be with you & Madeline all the time. She’s in your heart – and she’s obviously in that beautiful little girl of yours.

    Some day, when Madeline asks how you did it – how you made it thru all of this and were still such a wonderful Dad – she will have this to look back on. And she’ll be even prouder, if possible.

    May the two of you continue to grow the love of your family and always keep Liz in your hearts until you are together again.

  58. Emily in the NorCal
    Posted 7/7/2008 at 12:14 am | Permalink

    The pic of her sleeping is priceless. So sweet she is…

  59. Posted 7/7/2008 at 12:15 am | Permalink

    so, so beautiful.. where is the time going? gosh…she is getting so big… ;)
    ~g

  60. Erin in MN
    Posted 7/7/2008 at 8:46 am | Permalink

    Happy is so wonderful! I wish you many more happy days to come!

  61. Karen Patrick Huey
    Posted 7/8/2008 at 5:10 pm | Permalink

    Dear Matt…just talked w/my sister, Patty In MN. and so sad to hear of the passing of your grandfather. My thoughts are with all of you.

    Maddie’s eyes are gorgeous!! And you are a great dad!!

    Karen Patrick Huey, Erie, Pa.

  62. Posted 7/9/2008 at 1:44 am | Permalink

    Matt,

    Your moving story makes me smile, and sad.

    Madeline is a ‘Little Liz’ what a beautiful girl.

    I wish you both all the best for your future together.

    Yasmin

  63. Jon Moreen
    Posted 7/9/2008 at 7:24 pm | Permalink

    Matt,

    Don’t know if you remember me from HHS or not, but I remember an compassionate dude who cared about others more than himself. Your daughter is beautiful. We’re thinking of you.

    Jon

  64. Posted 7/10/2008 at 1:32 pm | Permalink

    Madeline is just stunning. Look at how animated she is! I just cannot believe how fast she is growing–children are amazing.

  65. Posted 1/19/2009 at 1:40 pm | Permalink

    i read your story in a magazine i buy once inawhile called people.and your story touched me im so sorry for your loss and from what i read and heard your sound like a wonderful man and father.god and liz are both watching down on you so keep up the good work.i hav 3 kids of my own a girl and 2 boys os i kno rough it can be.so hang in there sweety and god bless you and tha beutiful baby girl of your’s by the way sh does look really cte in the pice with her tonuge sticking out.sincerelly melissa from spokane wa.

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