out too late the night before.
not enough sleep.
now it’s 6:00am
and time to pack and get
out the door for
our flight to the los angeles.
have i mentioned that
i hate packing?
well, i do.
threw everything in a suitcase
that barely closed.
and rushed out the door.
made it to the airport
rather quickly
(my los angeles driving skills make me the fastest driver in the mn).
it’s like everyone
in the airport read
my latest blog entry for storked!…
not one person
fucked with me.
no advice,
no meddling.
or maybe it was
just that mn nice thing.
either way,
things were great.
even got to say goodbye
to nick and molly
before they headed back to
the alaska.
boarded the plane with
no problems,
but made sure to have
a barf bag or two ready
in case my neighbor
decides to vomit on
or near us.
paid $25
to the stupid airline
for the privilege
of having an aisle seat
what i actually paid for
was the comfort of those
seated in my row,
saving them from having
to get up a couple of
times during the flight
so i could change
madeline’s diaper,
what a fucking privilege.
the airline, or maybe the
passengers should pay
me for being so goddamned
considerate.
(whoa, hostility).
take off was smooth,
no crying from the baby.
some between
home and home,
a flight attendant
approaches me,
asks me if i’m traveling
alone with madeline.
“always”
“really?”
he said.
“yeah, her mom died the day after she was born.”
i’ve dropped this bomb
on many unsuspecting strangers,
so i sort of knew what
to expect.
some cry,
some express shock,
some just stare.
this guy,
he decided that he
wanted to do something
to help.
he started by doing everything
he could to make
the flight comfortable
for us,
stopping by to ask
multiple times if i needed
a break,
offering to hold madeline
if i did.
he talked to other passengers,
telling them about my situation,
asking if they
lived near los angeles
so they could lend a hand.
he got my contact info
and promised
to hook me up
with some friends of
his in the los angeles.
he held madeline for
well over 40 minutes,
talking to me the
whole time about everything.
what an incredibly kind dude.
finally landed in
the los angeles,
not even a peep from
my perfect child
as we touched down.
back home again.
a beautiful day,
no humidity like back in
the mn, but i miss the
clouds already.
got back home
found that my housekeeper
had broken in sometime
during the weekend
and made my house
sparkle.
looked so good that i
didn’t want to walk
any further than
the living room for
fear of messing up her work.
she’s a true artist.
crashed on the couch,
just the two of us,
my favorite daughter
passed out on my chest,
giving me
what awesome auntie deb
said was my
“first hug from maddy!”
indeed.
we did this
most of the rest
of the day,
getting up only to feed
madeline.
the evening came
and it was time to meet up
with a stranger friend
for a late-night dinner.
she arrived in town
from another of my former
homes (chicago)
and wanted to meet madeline.
met the deli
near where she was staying.
enjoyed a great conversation
(i talked an awful lot about liz).
and some awesome food.
we both ordered
liz’s
favorite meal at the place,
mishmosh, bagel chips and pickles.
plus a little more.
so awesome.
my new friend
got mistaken for the momma
both inside and
outside,
one dude asked
her if i was,
“her baby’s daddy”
hard question to answer.
yes, i’m the baby’s daddy,
but not her baby’s daddy.
oh fuck, never mind.
said goodbye
and headed home.
once again making
it only as far
as the living room,
not wanting to mess up
the art that is my clean house.
a good, lazy day and night.
just what we needed
to start off
2008 pt. 2.
72 Comments
I love the pictures of you two on the couch!! What a precious girl to get a hug from! I especially like the one with her hair ruffled up a bit—-I love soft, little baby heads!!
So glad 2008.2 is off to a great start! And so glad airplane dude was so awesome. You seem to bring out the awesomeness in everyone.
Matt, I’ve never commented before b/c I was waiting to be the first! I check on you and Madeline everyday! You are a great father and an awesome writer. I could say I can’t imagine what you feel, but you write so well that I do know what you feel. Hang in there!
I God’s Love,
Andrea Frederick
So glad to hear you had such a nice flight home! And what an incredible guy! Everytime I read of the kindness of strangers that you’ve experienced it restores more of my faith in the human race!
I love the hug shot!
Tomorrow of 08 will be better. Those hugs will always be there. Or at least till pre-teen years ; )
I think I’m first! Yeah!!
I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time and have been heartbroken on a regular basis.
I had a baby about 6 months ago and lost 1/3 of my blood supply which scared a lot of people (including me). I have often done the ‘what if’ game and then I found your blog and decided not play that anymore.
My heart just breaks for you and I pray for you regularly. I pray that your heart heals and that you find joy everyday in this new precious child of yours (which you obviously do). I believe strongly in the power of prayer and I can hardly wait to see what the Lord will do in your heart. Blessings from the Great White North.
Yeah for Matt and Maddie. Hey, did you ever get Maddie a Frequent Flier #? Sounds ridiculous, but we did for our daughter Chloe, and she logged miles even though she was unticketed. Seriously–look into it for NWA. You need to include her as infant on lap or whatever that designation is.
Hope all is well.
suzi from the Apple Valley.
those pix of her hugging you are just about the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in a really long time. the kind of lovely that brings tears to your eyes. thanks for sharing your first hug.
I have four kids and yet those pictures of Madeline sleeping on your chest is about the sweetest and cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
I totally teared up reading about that very kind flight attendant. It is heartwarming to hear that there are still many good people in this world.
Hey, and you look good. Looks like you got some rest in the MN.
Go ahead…mess up that house!! That’s the awesome thing about a cleaning “staff”…it’ll just get clean again, like magic! In fact, I think you should just fuck it completely up…pour some honey on the walls, etc. Your housekeeper will LOVE you just for giving her something to do.
I love that you and Maddy spend so much time dozing together on couches. What a great way to spend time.
Matt,
I came across your blog a couple days ago and have read the whole thing! I know you hear this often, but I just wanted to say that I am truly sorry for your loss! At the same time I want to congratulate you on the birth of your beautiful Madeline! You are an amazing daddy! You are such an inspiration to all of us! I honestly can say that I feel I am a better mommy because of you! Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have been blessed with an absolutely beautiful baby girl and I love to see how you cherish every moment with her! I love the picture of her giving you that first “hug”! There will be many more hugs from her in the future!!
By the way…there is nothing wrong with pants under a onesie!
You do a great job at dressing her! Congrats on a good start for 2008 part 2!
~ Amber
Good idea Suzi from the Apple Valley, it sounds like Maddie will benefit from some frequent flyer miles. **Kudos to the flight attendent who knew how to help, the lucky guy got to hold that adorable baby!!**
Does your housekeeper travel? Her magic is definatly needed here in the Chanhassen . . . Love the Maddy hugs!
I think part 2 is gonna be great! This was surely a good start.
(I need to get a housekeeper. Full time. Keeping up with three boys and their messes is tough.)
Hey-Im NOT first and thrilled about it! haha
Anyway, sounds like the new year is off to a great start. I love love LOVE these pics of Maddie on your chest. My niece used to do that to me but she was like a little furnace so we’d both be soaked after she woke up. Still, wouldn’t trade it for the world (she’s 10 now, so no more of that).
I have to echo what everyone else is saying…you do bring out the kindness in others, and its amazing. Truly a beautiful thing to see (or at least read about).
Although, not having kids myself, is everyone so fucking nosy? Or is it just with you? I don’t think I’ve ever asked a stranger about their baby’s parents. Thats too much like asking a woman when she’s due, only to find out she’s just fat…
Dying to know what Mish Mosh is??? Can’t tell from the pic….
I love love love the picture of her on your chest, crashed out with her arm dangling down to the side. She is so out!
I’m glad you got to come home to a sparkling house. That is always so nice!
I am surprised at how often people question why you’re out alone with the baby or if the female stranger/friend dining with you is the baby’s momma (no one has ever asked my DH if I was the baby’s momma when he and I are dining together).
I just don’t think I would ask someone I didn’t even know where the baby’s momma was or question if the female present was the momma. Maybe that’s just me . . .
What a sweet picture of ‘the first hug’. Love it.
The dude on the plane. Love him. High five to you buddy.
Cheers to 2008’s better half.
Have an excellent weekend.
PS Fuck Jill
aww! Sweet little hug.
I love the back of her head…you can see that little blonde fuzz. 
I bet she smells so sweet! There’s nothing in the world like little girls…
Wow great to hear that some things are still good on airline flights. I guess they can charge us and make us inconvenient by changing flight times or cancelling, removing drink & food service etc. but you can’t stop people from being kind. That flight attendant sounds like a stand up guy. I bet he joined helping as much as you appreciated it. You could always write a letter. Bosses love to hear good things for a change.
Love the photo of your first “hug.” It is so precious. You know there will be many more hugs and soon to be kisses from your favorite daughter.
Matt-
What great pictures of the two of you. I am getting misty eyed again. I need to see more pictures of you shooting a gun it makes me laugh! it also makes me thing of a Hank Williams Jr song. Now you know I am truly Southern! Hugs, Rian
ps- I think I need to send you some Mary Kay under eye cream. Get some sleep.
Aw. I love when they lay on us. Jack still does. He’s 22 lbs. Word.
http://www.glamour.com/lifestyle/blogs/pregnant/
I’ve noticed that LOTS of people seem to ask “Where’s the Momma”, “Is she the Momma” type questions. Do you ever just want to blow them off? I LOVE that you open up so much on your blog, and I LOVE being able to check in on the dynamic duo, so please don’t cut me off on My Matt/Maddie fixes for being so damn nosy. YAY for ‘08-part deux!
Happy New Year!
So glad you had a smoother trip and no barf bags needed (but never hurts to be prepared).
Great pics of your little hugger – she gets lovelier and lovelier every day!
Wishing you a better 2008 part 2
Your first HUG! Matt- those are priceless pics. I love all of your pictures, but those are the sweetest thing I have ever seen. You are the dad most girls wish they could have- you are just wonderful with her- capturing all of these moments… Liz has to be so proud of you. and I KNOW she would love all of these adorable outfits you have been getting Maddie! good job! you DO know what your doing,and your doing a dam great job at it! in fact you could start a daddy bootcamp! =)
Hugs-
Erin
Glad you made it home safe and sound Matt!! I Love, Love, Love the pics of you and Maddy. Happy 2008.2!!!
You’re doing an incredible job with Madeline. You are immensely strong, more than you realize.
Wishing you a better 2008 . . .
i don’t usually comment, but wanted you to know i still check in on you daily.
also wanted to tell you what a good baby’s daddy you’ve been:-)
Awww…the best photos yet! I hope you have a good weekend…so inspired by you!
Great couch photos. She gets prettier everyday.
Hey Matt and Maddie – glad you made it home okay – I snuck a peek at your Flickr site – goodness does Maddie just steal your heart and breath away! I love the pics of the two of you on the couch – Zoe slept that way for the first few weeks – she did not like the bassinet or crib so we “couched” it for quite some time. I actually find myself missing that some times! She will barely sit still these days! Anyway, just wanted to say hello and tell you guys I am thinking of you both! Take care, Jen and Zoe in the MN
Hi Matt,
Was out of town and it’s been a couple of days since I’ve commented. Maddy seems to be getting bigger and more beautiful. Love the pic of her and you on the couch (her hugging you) that’s a priceless picture. Sounds like you are looking forward to a better 2008 pt 2 and I’m wishing that for you as well! Only good things to come from now on… Only happy days…and lots of smiles from Maddy! Take care! and Have a good wkend! xo
Hi Matt
I haven’t posted in a while, but I had to say those sleeping pics are very sweet. I love her mussed up hair, it looks so soft! By the way, come winter, you’ll find onesies over tights is the only way to keep them up – ballerina-style! Keep well, Jo x
I knew you were at Canter’s just by looking at those photos! I love Canter’s – their pickles are the best!
Madeline looks like such a sweetheart – if you are ever in the Denver area we should have a playdate (I think I mentioned this in another comment from a while back, but our son was born 1 day before Madeline).
Have a great weekend!
PS Have you ever been told that you look a lot like Ryan Gosling? Well I think you do . . .
my favorite daughter
passed out on my chest,
probably my favorite line in this post.
i have a feeling 2008.2 is going to be great!
happy new 1/2 year!
Matt,
I love the pix of you and Maddy on the couch! That is my favorite way to snuggle with my baby girl! Glad no one fucked with you in the airport. I got it at the store today from some old biddy…what are we going to do? Anyway glad you are home enjoying your beautiful Madeline!!
Take care,
Debbie
I wanna hug like that.
yummy tummy Maddy snugz.
schweet…
I am serious about having a “party” too.. a new year “gathering”..
anyone who takes place could send ya a photo or make a little book of photos for Madeline one day..
I am glad you had a nice lazy day and it sounds like it was a smooth trip..
That hug from Madeline broke my heart!!! What a gift.
Keep being awesome and Happy New Year!
Leah
http://www.fiveblondes.com
The pics of you and precious Maddy are absolutely adorable! She gets cuter by the day. Enjoy your weekend.
Matt –
The hug pics are priceless. So sweet!! Glad you guys had a good flight home and the great flight attendant helped offset NWA’s stupid seating policies. Maybe all these flights will help you get Elite status and then you won’t have to pay the $25 bucks.
You’re sounding stronger by the day, and that makes me happy. I have to tell you that Madeline has become the gold standard for beautiful babies — just the other day my bf pointed out a cute baby girl and said, “Cute as she is, she’s no Madeline.”
Enjoy your weekend…..and Happy New Year!
That hug, oh man…
Her wee arms thrown around you.
I’d never ever ever get up again.
Hi Matt, was introduced to your blog yesterday and took three hours to read your entries. You have yet another person in this world cheering you and Maddy on. Thanks for letting me into your life.
I have never commented here before, and no, I don’t know you, but a neighbor of mine from St. Paul brought back a newspaper article from there on “Daddy Blogs,” and I found your blog site. Love it, I check it every day, not just to see your beautiful child, but to read some intelligent insight and thoughts from you. My 6 yr. old daughter Thea found me reading one night on here, and asked about the “cute baby”. I told her your story and Madeline, and she said, “Oh! Poor her!” Then she added, “Good thing she has such a nice daddy to take good care of her.” Kids are very insightful themselves…Blessings to you and your Madeline.
Love the hug from Maddy to Daddy! Glad your flight back was smooth!
maddy hugs – what a way to start 2008 part 2. i’m with the guy above, how do you get up from that? gives me warm fuzzies just thinking about it. love, love, love to watch babies sleep, but to have one sleep on you like that – it melts my heart. wishing you many more…
That was my favorite way to sleep with my niece and nephew when they were infants (with twins, you are 2 times tired) I loved loved loved the chest sleeping. I have a picture somewhere where there was a pile on with me on the bottom, my nephew doing exactly what Maddy was doing and my sisters cat thinking that looked like an awesome pillow.
It was dead winter in Upstate NY and I was sweating hot, but stayed that way for hours. Nothing like it.
This day just brought a smile to my face. Hugs from little Miss Madeline and more kindness from a stranger/friend. Those couch snuggles are the best things in the whole wide world. She just fits so perfectly!
((((hugs))))
here is to the best part 2 of 2008 that we can have.. i lost internet for a week and this was the first thing i checked when i came back online..i can’t believe how big M is getting…
The first of many hugs for Daddy. That is so awesome that you were able to take pictures of this momentous occasion.
And I have to say, I am quite jealous of your mishmash soup. There is nary a decent kosher deli in these parts.
Oh my gosh…that’s the best hug picture evah! I’m glad the trip went well and the sucky part of the year is over. I think lying on the couch getting Maddie hugs is a perfect way to begin 2008 part II.
awesome hug picture….melts my heart!!!
this may have been my favorite blog entry to date. i feel the clouds lifting and i couldn’t be more happy for you.
and hey, i want to have dinner with you!!! maybe when i’m just randomly jet-setting ‘cross country next time…
Just got home from seeing Chris Rock. I’m not even lying, he had terrible things to say about Tuesdays. And I thought of you and Maddy.
Here’s a thought to stash away for a few years…How about an enlarged picture of Maddie giving her daddy his first Maddie hug to hang beside a nice picture of Maddie and her daddy dancing the first dance at Maddie’s wedding. What a sentence that was! ANYWAY…Like I said, a few years from now…but I can just see it and it is so beautiful! Also, it will come sooner than you think. My baby is 29 yrs old and it seems just like just yesterday when I took a picture of her sleeping on her daddy’s chest. God bless your sweet little hearts, you both look just tuckered out. I hope you get some rest.
It is amazing to hear about the kindness of strangers, I believe it is Liz, touching their lives, her spirit is doing some wonderful amazing things!
Looks like it was a nice day all that napping with Maddy, I used to love to nap with my boys when they where little, and I was privileged enough to have a hubby who didn’t accuse me of being lazy and let me enjoy my baby time.
That guy you met on the plane is awesome. Even more awesome because he didn’t feel the need to tell you he’s not a pedophile. People can be surprisingly good at times, but what a fucked up way to find that out.
Madeline’s already racking the frequent flyer miles up – I think she’ll prove to have inherited Liz’s globe-trekking spirit in time.
AAD (Awesome Auntie Deb) is right about Madeline hugging you – she’s holding on for dear life. You’re her anchor to this world, the one place she feels truly home. You are sleeping so peacefully, I think you might feel the same way about the little one.
xxxxxx
as i was sweeping i heard this song on the radio and this guy was singing about being the robot man. wasn’t sure if i heard correctly because i am the one (and my friend too) who thought that in the outkast song “hey ya” he said “shake it like a pornowide picture” when really it’s “shake it like a polaroid picture.” anyways, checked it out and the aliens sing “robot man”. did you know this? check it out if you want. sweet video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzpQk-zAnl0
glad the flight back went so well and that you met such a kind fella. the pics on the couch are priceless. laying like that is one of the best and most comforting ways to lay ever (in my opinion).
hope today treated you well.
ps. is the cuss-o-meter working. i definately read a fuck or two, but it still says 0%. that should be at least 7% or something.
Happy New 2nd half of 2008 New Year. Coming out of skulking (I know it’s called lurking, but the peeping tom connotation makes me uneasy)Tattoos look great. Thinking of getting some myself. 2 years tonight lost mom. Not sure what to get, but when inspiration hits, I am so there. Miss her hugs. But gosh, little girl hugs…they really rock. What a sweet picture. Have two girls myself, 2 and a half, and 7 month old.
As a side note, am I the only one who reads the posts from Sol from Argentina with a beautiful spanish accent? (think Antonio Banderas but girly) I’m spanish too (from Spain) but do not have such a glamorous name like Sol or even an accent…well maybe a little one I was raised in Brooklyn NY. Anyway, today picked the girls up early from daycare and went swimming. Mom would have wanted that. Madison and Abigail laughed and had a blast. I even extended bedtime to 9:30, I think I may have needed the company more than they did. Kids are so healing Matt. I think you know that so well now. More than anyone should ever know.
Baby hugs like that are pure bliss. Cheers to a great second half of 2008.
Hey Matt,
Glad you made it back to LA just fine and kudos to the nice flight attendant! I’ve been doing a lot of extra snuggling with my 3 yr old daughter lately as she’s sick with a fever. She won’t go to sleep at night unless she’s smooshed up next to me and holding my hand…so sweet. Little girls are so special. And you know what? As I was watching Little Mermaid with her yesterday, it dawned on me that most of the fairytale Princesses were raised by their fathers. Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Beauty & the Beast, Snow White, etc but maybe you had already thought of this since Liz worked at Disney. Anyway, I think your Princess is just beautiful.
Allow another entrance to the Garden of Awesome for that plane dude.
I really need to get back to reading your stuff. I’ve been so consumed lately, I forget to check up on you guys.
Glad you’re both doing so good. One of your trips here, I’d love to buy ya lunch or a beer or a sandwich over at 7th Heaven (St.P).
Hi Matt
OMG I just LOVE the pics of Maddy asleep on your chest, and giving her daddy a big hug and you captured it all. Its amazing, and so sweet. She is absolutely beautiful and every day she looks more and more like her Mommy. Liz is so proud of you I know she is watching over both of you, Keep up the great work. I love your blog.
Sharyn in NY
I love the photos of Madeline giving you her first hug!! They were adorable! She is such a beautiful little girl and once again can I just say- You’re doing such an amazing job with not just coping but LIVING through everything!!
Treasure the hugs…she won’t give them forever:) At about age 5-6, girls don’t want to hug their daddies any longer. At least this is the case with my 5 yr old.
Love the pictures. Here’s hoping that 2008 pt 2 is great for everyone involved in this blog world!
I didn’t know they had mishmosh in places other than MI (it is my current favorite) but I always assumed you could find it in NY as well
My baby is one month older than Madeline, to the day. I check to see if you’ve updated every day.
was out of town and missed your blog for almost a week! it was so nice to reacquaint myself with you two! i cannot believe how big and beautiful Madeline is getting! what a treat that must be for you to see. the picture of the hugging is so precious!!!
i know i’m very late on this comment but you must go with a mac. i did it years ago and i will never go back!
here’s to 2008 pt. 2 being the best ever!
GOD those pictures of her on your chest are one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. What a great, special moment. When she’s 40 you’ll be treasuring those pictures, remembering those moments. Those pictures are so beautiful they make my ovaries twinge.
glad you were able to have a lazy day– enjoy the non-moving madeline while you can– life will get crazy once she starts moving!
Wow. It’s amazing the way people can surprise you, huh? That’s so fantastic about the flight attendant (and the new stranger/friend too). Proof that for all the assholes out there who say everything wrong to you in your grief, that there can always be amazing people who do the opposite, who do exactly what you need and when, without you even realizing that’s what you wanted and needed.
And can I steal your angel housecleaner? Damn, I wish I had one of those. =)
Glad to hear you had a good day.
Candice
I’m a little behind, so I’ll save the good comments for the newest page.
What the fuck is mishmosh?
The pic of the huge hug from Madeline is a heartwarmer!!! So cute. So cute. So cute!
Hang in there Matt!!!
LOVE the first hug! I think you have my couch.