i woke up on the couch
again.
still unwilling to mess up that bed.
madeline woke up on my chest
again.
still wondering why she’s not in her bassinet.
she covered me
in drool.
so fucking awesome.
as always, a nice
morning together.
noon approached…
went to the old neighborhood
to have lunch.
a place
liz
and i used
to walk to from
our old apartment.
why did i decide to go
there on a tuesday?
i guess we went there
because i was hungry.
so we met our friend
there, and we sat outside
at the same
table i shared with
liz
so many times
before.
fucking memories.
but had a good time
talking to our friend and
telling madeline
about how we were
last here when she was
in her momma’s tummy,
told her how we
drove all the way
to the west side
on a saturday morning
just to satisfy one of
liz’s
cravings.
she understood nothing,
but smiled anyway.
after lunch we went
to the apple store
and i bought an imac.
aj won the battle.
now i have to learn
how to use it.
said goodbye to our friend
and headed home
with my loot.
spent the day
working on recovering data
from my crashed drive.
while madeline slept.
no luck.
the data remains lost…
at least for now.
no problem though.
didn’t lose any photos.
that would be devastating.
later we went to dinner with
bob, anna and anya
at the french restaurant in
the eagle rock.
madeline was a little fussy
but got happy
as soon as i was
in her sight line.
she really recognizes me,
her eyes light up
when she looks at me
and the smiles,
oh the smiles.
you can’t stop them,
unless of course
she can’t see me.
finished dinner,
said goodbye and headed home.
spent the evening
listening to music,
staring at my baby,
missing her mom.
79 Comments
What a beautiful smile! You are a fantastic dad! Have a great Sunday.
What an amazing smile on that beautiful baby girl!
those smiles!!
holy fucking hell.. my uterus.
She just sparkles and shines she does.
Good luck with your imac-
one of us one of us one of us.
It seems more and more that the whole world misses Liz.
or at least- is forever changed because of footprint she left behind.
I can’t relate. I can’t even understand.
but whatever you feel on your journey here- I know you will be loved and supported.
Oh, the smiles. What an angel.
Step 1. Find Photo Booth.
Step 2. Drag self away from computer after laughing to the point of cramping.
Step 3. Realize the true reason for Mac users’ devotion.
Hi Matt!
Maddy is getting so big – and I love her smile pictures.
Can I point out something? You may not know this, but the pictures you posted today show Maddy in her carseat. The chest clip is supposed to be seated at her nipple line – it looks a bit high. Just an FYI for safety purposes from me, a parent who is somewhat a stickler on carseat safety.
Grace and Peace.
The smiles are adorable…and they just keep getting better as she gets older. She definitely loves her daddy!
Oh, yes, the smiles!!! Beautiful baby, blah blah blah, amazing blue eyes, yadda yadda yadda. I’ve said it all before (at least twice), but, dang. The kid’s a doll who inherited her mommy’s smile. Liz was one of those people who smiled with her whole face when she was really happy; no restraint, and pure light. Maddy is a little light, too.
And she’s as in love with you as you are with her – and no one, ever, no matter what, will make her smile the way that you can.
Fucking awesome, isn’t it?
xxxxx
Madeline is so beautiful. Good luck with the imac. They are wonderful to use!!!! I love both of mine.
Beautiful smiley girl!!!!
When my son sees me, and his face lights up, I figure it’s the closest I’m ever going to get to being a rock star. He sings, his whole body dances, he shrieks!
I’m glad to see she’s enjoying you, and you’re enjoying her!!!!
Congrats on the new iMac. You won’t regret it. We are a three Mac family (and there are only two of us if that tells you anything). Of course they are all networked, blah blah blah.
I’m sure AJ will steer you right. Don’t use the Safari browser that comes with Mac, download Firefox it’s superior.
I’m sure the photos of Maddy smiling make the whole world worth it everyday. What a face!
I know it’s a cliche to say a smile lights stuff up – but seriously. You got not only a miracle, but one with superpowers, too!
Spectacular smile from the beautiful Madeline! Great pics!
Hugs from down under.
your baby is so perfect and gorgeous. of course.
you emotions as you write are captivating.
and the love for your liz and the willingness to share that with the world is heartrending. and beautiful.
you will love your mac. aj was right on. macs really should rule the earth. of course i’m biased. had for in my life since jr high. never once has failed me.
peace and blessings… & enjoy your weekend with your maddie & co. of friends…~jd
oh…..the smiles! honestly, made me laugh out loud, that girl. she is looking soooo beautiful. those thighs too! they are the best
she sure does shine like her momma……
I love her smiles! And she recognizes you now… what a wonderful feeling! congratulations!
Those smiles!!!! They are magic!
@hawkfeather – “my uterus”. I couldn’t agree more!!! It aches
@kate in mi – Matt knows about the chest clip. He just loosens it a bit when she’s not in a moving car
Matt – enjoy the iMac. As soon as my POS Dell dies I will be dancing into the Apple store.
Those smiles can melt the polar icecaps. It’s true. Some say it’s global warming. I say it’s Maddy’s smile.
Have a wonderful Sun-day!
Jeana
Long time reader- but first time for a comnment.
Matt, I have to say that the smile on Madeline is so beautiful. She makes my heart melt.
I just want to say I think you are so brave for sharing your feelings and experiences to people you don’t even know in the big wide world. I have to say thank you for doing this though, beacuse what you write is very inspirational and I look forward to catching up on what is happeing in yours and Madeline’s world.
Thank you again.
Those smiles are so beautiful!
Madeline is so perfectly beautiful! Those smiles! Enjoy your IMac. There’s not much to learning it.
That little girl is delicious…
i still think tuesdays should be removed from the week. but at least some of them seem to not be so bad. i LOVE Madeline’s smile. her smile makes me smile. my son kissed the screen, again. i think he has a crush on your Madeline.
hugs from NJ,
erica and Landon
very cute how you told madeline about going to that place when she was in her mommy’s belly.
congrats on the imac! you made a very smart move. photo booth is so much fun, my three year old sister and i have the best bonding using it. i think she loves it more than i do.
enjoy sunday!
I just wanted to post and tell you that Madeline is gorgeous, and you should be the proudest father on the face of the planet! You’re going to be chasing the boys away really quickly.
Off topic.. Have fun with your iMac. I love mine, and as someone said before, find Photo Booth, it’s the greatest invention imaginable : ) Madeline would get a kick out of it too!
Oh man, the drooly smiles and big eyes!
Beautiful.
Oh, that’s a powerfully awesome smile! Soak it in, Daddy, you deserve every one.
The smiles with the little bubbles are priceless!!
You are an amazing father!!! Madeline is so lucky!
Take care,
Debbie
Such beautiful smiling pictures!!
Good luck w/ the Mac! They’re cool–but took me a little while to get used to.
Welcome to the Mac world. I am a very new recruit. Now you need Apple TV. I just bought one for my son (he is your age) and he is loving it. Madeline just gets prettier everyday!
Love from your No. 1 Illinois fan!
Aw her smile made my day. Thanks.
Yay for getting an i-mac. Wonderful machines. You will not be disappointed.
Those smiles, wow! Smiles like that will help you get through the shitty days, and will make the happy days even sweeter.
Welcome to the Mac nation — you’re gonna love it! I agree with an earlier poster, download Firefox, it’s much better.
Enjoy your Sunday with little Miss M.
Love the smiles! This is really a magical age when they recognize you and their whole face just lights up at the sight of you.
Congrats on the iMac – I’ve been lusting after one for a while now, but chose a MacBook Pro for more mobility…if you get Skype, drop me a line!
I just clicked on your flickr sight and watched the “smiling madeline” video. Brought tears to my eyes….. Beautiful!
Those smiles… it’s like a little bit of sunshine right through the computer screen! Adorable! What a gift she is!
Oh man, what an amazing picture!! I love when our babies smile @ us! They smile with their eyes and from inside out and you can just feel it oozing out of them into you. It is amazing. It just keeps getting better too. soon you can do the most silly, stupidist (don’t think that is an actual word!)most stupid things and they laugh at you wtih the most hilarious,deep belly laugh that allows you to get lost in time and nothing else matters. Sometimes it may be just one word you say that they can not control them selves from laughter, it is such a riot!! Babies are therapeutic, they make you wanna smile and dance, they truely lift our spirits up. Wait till she gives you the most amazing little baby hugs, mine used to hunker down in a little ball, bury their face into you and squeeze, and those slobbery baby kisses. SO CUTE!!
I hope you and Madeline have many more great tuesdays full of smiles remembering and telling stories of Mom/Liz!!
Those are some sweet smiles she’s giving you! What a cutie! With my youngest son, the time he smiles the sweetest is when he’s trying to push a button on something he’s not supposed to, like my computer or television. Almost makes it too hard to tell him no. (He’s almost 14 months.)
what adorable smiles. how great is it when you know that you are the one they recognize and that it comforts them and makes them smile? it’s priceless. glad you’re tuesday was filled with baby smiles and good memories.
My uterus indeed! What an adorable little girl
)
Good luck with the hard drive. I have used gillware.com and was very happy with the results.
Madeline is BEAUTIFUL!!!
Her smile just made my day. Such a lucky daddy you are. She seems like the perfect baby, almost makes me want to have one now!
Better days will come for sure.
Also Maddy is so lucky to have a dad like you, that photographs everything! She is going to LOVE your photos when she gets older.
FUCK TUESDAYS! =)
(you will read this comment from me every tuesday Matt)
Oh how I love those smiles!! She adores you, daddy – you’re doing an amazing job
) Those smiles are proof-positive!
You’re lucky to have such an apparently resilient and portable baby. My youngster didn’t like leaving the house; still doesn’t. He also was a slave to a schedule. He HAD to be put down for a nap at the same time everyday, in the same place, or all hell would break loose. Same with bedtime. This notion of going to restaurants and sleepin’ on the sofa… I dunno. Like I said, you’re lucky. If she was gonna grow up to be prickly/fussy, you’d already know it, I think! She’s gonna be an easy/fun one. No naughty words on the etch-a-sketch for you!
Those smiles are really going to coming in handy on Tuesdays! Good job Madeline!
Oh wow, I smiled ear to ear when I saw those pics of Madeline smiling, so I can imagine the superpower she has on you. The song “This Little Light of Mine” popped into my head when I saw those pics. So Maddy, “let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!” You go girl!!
PS- I also caught up on your blog from yesterday and Liz is like a lightning bug. She literally lights up from the inside. What a radiant smile-truly truly beautiful!!
Its begun..you are soo done. First the smiles then the chuckles then the laughter…then at around 8 months they want you and you only.
You wont ever want it to end.
Nothing quite feels like that look your kids get when they are happy to see you.. it gets better, They get bigger and less dependent on you for everything but they still need you and they still show it on their face when they need you. It is the awesomest feeling.
holy cow… that smile is unbelievable!! she just adores you and has for a very long time. she’s finally able to show you how much she loves you! that is so exciting!!
congrats on the mac… i’m so glad that aj won out… you won’t regret it!!
you and madeline look so great!!
Todays post makes me cry .not sure why..maybe because of all that Liz isn’t here for ….I hope she is able to watch down from heaven……I love Madeline’s smile…….. OMG……. just precious….Take care…….
that smile…melts my heart just looking at it in a picture…must be unbelievable in person…sorry the memories hurt…happy you have Madeline’s smile to stare at…
My hubby bought me a macbook. I like i, but I hate it. It is hard to get used to it.
I love Maddie’s smiles. They must truely melt your heart.
It’s okay to use a mac. It really is. I use a PC though but if I could magically edit photos on a mac, my PC would be in the trash.
There’s a good free data recovery software I have used to recover failed external hard drives–it’s called test disk. Try it! It rocks.
http://www.cgsecurity.org/wiki/TestDisk
She’s lighting up so much–so smiley and adorable, Matt.
@ Juanita – SO Well said girl!
Matt- Maddy is so beautiful, she IS a little Liz. Her whole face get’s involved in smiling and her eye’s, OMG – what a little angel
Glad this Tuesday wasn’t as crappy as the last – I know I’ve said this before, but one more time – You, Matt Logelin are an AWESOME father – your little girl is lucky to have you, and you she.
Keep on, keepin on – your doing great!!!
love and hugs from the very HUMID Minnesota!
I am loving the smiles too. They will be a part of every day now. The bond between you two. God, it makes my heart hurt (in a good way)
OMG loving the new pics of Maddy! Love her smile! Adorable! Lil girls are usually “Daddy’s Lil Girl” but Maddy will be that and more! You guys will form a bond like no other! You already are forming that bond…when you’re not in sight she’s fussy and as soon as she see’s you she lights up…that’s amazing! I hope this weekend was better and that Maddy continues to make you smile! She will have ths same affect Liz had when she was in a room…she lit it up! Like mother / like daughter. Your two fav gals!
Keep smiling!
Ugh. I very well remember sleeping on the couch b/c I couldn’t bear the empty bed. If it helps, I’m now able to (very comfortably) sleep in the bed again…and I never ever ever thought I would be able to.
Sweet kisses to your precious girl; she looks like a baby Gap ad!
Keep telling her the stories, even if she doesn’t understand right now. You understand.
Love and hugs from CT.
From a mom (who could be your Mom) to a dad, aren’t the smiles just the best thing to lift you up! I think Tuesdays are turning a corner if Madeline keeps up the smiles the way she is, you won’t know what day it is anymore and it really won’t matter either!
Happy Sunday from humid MN
Wde lnfeor gkgegv lli d ngleng ln fk lrngelrn ftioj b fgndegen sdlf lgr erkjgn g xcfe gkmhn fmlkef eff spse kfei f sfj!
(That’s a placeholder for the good thoughts and support I send your way. Please assign it whatever meaning gives you comfort, and imagine it contains whatever words will do you the most good to hear.)
Oh my goodness, those pics of Maddy smiling have got to be the most precious things I’ve seen. What a doll. She totally lights up when she sees you which just shows exactly how good of a daddy you are (like anyone doubted anyway!)
Finally got the pic of the sign that I saw that made me think of you since you’re always taking pictures of signs/graffiti/etc. Not sure how to share it with you though. So I’ve put it on my blog.
Peace and love, take care!
Matt, do you ever look at the Google ads that appear on your blog? Today one is for “tips and tricks for help falling asleep” and the other is for the “CuteKid Photo Contest”. Both appropriate. Though my favorite was the one the other day that had something to do with vomiting…
The MN is HUMID today…and no crazy clouds and storms to make it all worthwhile…..
i love the thought of her recognizing you and smiling specifically for you. It seems you’ve built the foundation of the closest father/daughter bond that will only get stronger with time. I cant wait to see the bond flourish. I hope you keep posting forever.
Oh Matt, that Madeline’s smile melts my heart. She looks like she may be getting dimples??? So precious! Want to kiss her little cheeks. She is really getting into the FUN stage now!!!
be still my heart!
not too long after those full face smiles come kisses
New to your blog…You have a beautiful daughter! You are an amazing father, and I look forward to reading new segment on yours and Madeline’s journey.
getting upstream without a paddle is next to fucking impossible. not only are you making it possible, but doing it with such grace. had to use that word after seeing this definition of grace – the exercise of love, kindness, mercy, favor.
enjoy all the couch time you can get. slept like that with joe for the first 10 weeks of his life (mostly because he had reflux so bad, but also because i just loved it). bassinets are highly overrated.
i really hope you are having a great weekend and taking madeline on some new adventures.
((((hugs))))
Yes, the smiles! And the bubbles! Love it! So cute.
Madeline is so super cute. And I’m super psyched that you got the iMac.
Loving Madeline’s smiles. It’s humid in Iowa too!!!
Yay for the iMac!! You’re going to love it once you realize that using a computer can actually be easy and user friendly!!
Madeline is gorgeous and that smile….
Oh – and just wait until she starts to blow you kisses!! I was at work today blowing big kisses into the phone back at my 20 month old son who heard me on the speaker phone and yelled “Mommy, mwah!!”. Everyone was staring at me when I hung up – but I didn’t care – it’s a wonderful feeling – the smile, the kisses, the happiness at seeing you, the first hug, everything – it only gets better from here!!
Those smiles make my ovaries twitch! She’s beyond adorable. I agree with the others who say the best days are yet to come. My most favorite age is 6-18 months. They change so much!
One comment on the placement of her chest strap. It should be moved down about an inch so it’s level with her armpits, not tucked under her chin.
Hope you’ve had a fantabulous weekend!
oh what a gorgeous smile that girl has.
my drive crashed this week too, so I bit the bullet and bought a new imac, which is pretty awesome. hope you’re enjoying yours too.
She’s got an awesome smile.
If you like Broken Social Scene, check out band member Jason Collett, he’s put a few cd’s of his own stuff and It’s really good, he’s got a great voice.
Those smiles are the best!!!!!
That smile. wow. I smiled everytime she scrolled into view. What a doll.
Can’t imagine how much you are missing her mom, I’m so glad for you that you have Madeline.
Hiya, Mateo,
(Okay, I’m really big on nicknames; hence “Mateo” for you and “GG” aka Gorgeous Girl for Sweet Madeline)……..
The vid of the GG is teh fucking bomb!!!!!!!! (I purposedly typed “teh” instead of “the” – inside joke with a majority of Dodger fans and used when trying to make a serious point). Can’t tell that girl doesn’t love her daddy at all…
Seriously, Matt – the pics and the vid are teh fucking shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m not gonna try to make you feel better about your day – nothing I can say can make it better with the exception of you have TONS of people behind you – and they’ve all said what I can only echo. Times a gazillion.
Actually, I think I’m gonna rename you as “AM” – aka “Awesome Matt” – because you are.
Keep keeping on – s’all you can do, my good man – and all those tired ass cliches’. They ARE pertinent (at least some of them) – and know that someday, someway, somehow – the good days will overpower the bad.
Thinking of you in hot town Redding, CA……..and next time you go to a Dodger game, please give a shout out for me! I have a collector’s edition of Dodger Barbie with the GG’s name all over it. Lemme know if you want……
Tracey
My little gal born 3/18… saw the pics of your little gal smiling and started smiling and making fun noises. Thanks!
God, her smiles kill me.
::doing the happy mac dance for you::