(catching up).
the couch
is quite comfortable,
though the sun rises
well before i’d like to,
telling my eyes
to open.
(time for some new curtains).
madeline sleeps through
it all, only waking
when she hungry or
when her diaper
is full.
had to be out of the house
early this morning,
going to meet auntie
anya for a walk
around the rosebowl
before it gets too hot.
getting some exercise is
good for me.
we walked,
we talked,
madeline slept.
we ended where we
started and headed
back to the house.
met gentle ben
for lunch in the burbank,
picking him up at the
office i haven’t been
to in over three months.
a different time,
a different life.
we had a nice lunch
then we did a little
shopping, ben telling me
what i needed to add
to my new computer
to make it awesomer.
dropped ben off at the
the office and
headed home
with madeline.
got home and
learned that one of my
external drives had also
failed, along with my
two backup drives.
how?
called aj,
he said that i have
“some serious electronic gremlins.”
indeed.
either way, he suggested
a program that he
and his super-nerd friends
have used to recover data.
madeline slept while i worked on
recovering important bits
of my past.
did this all afternoon and
into the evening.
one of the moms from my
tuesday parenting group
dropped by with her
son and husband,
bringing lots of delicious
breakfast foods for me to eat.
our visitors left
and i
ordered a pizza and
ate alone,
watching madeline smile
as she faded from
awake to sleep,
a smirk on her face
even as she passed out.
amazing.
heart-melting.
gorgeous.
things aren’t so bad.
thursday.
someone in my house
(and i won’t say who)
has developed a new,
louder, more
frantic cry.
i was in the kitchen
when i heard
a scream i’ve never
heard before.
i ran into the living room,
to see what the
problem was,
didn’t see anything alarming,
but the screams were
still coming.
she stopped as soon
as i touched her.
if you’d heard this
scream you
would have sworn
she was being attacked
by bees or
something worse.
as i wiped the tears away
and her eyes unclenched,
she saw me and
she smiled one of
those huge smiles
her mom was famous
for sharing with the world.
(minus the teeth, of course).
(damn i love this baby).
i prepared a bottle for her
and we took off
to meet rhonda for
breakfast in the montrose.
had a lovely,
healthy breakfast
free of all pork products,
(unless there’s pork in granola, fruit or yogurt).
said goodbye and
headed home, where
we hung out
together alone,
me working on my data
recovery project
(things are progressing well),
madeline working on growing.
paused for a
bit to capture
a few smiles,
then some magic:
gentle ben stopped by
in the afternoon
to take a tv
out of my life.
saw a dying butterfly
on my stairs
then took a photo
of gentle ben with the robot
had a visitor in the afternoon,
a coworker who i haven’t seen
in a while stopped
by with dinner and
a few gifts…
a sweet tummy-time teddy bear
for madeline and some
robot cufflinks for me.
so awesome.
said goodbye and headed
toward the west hollywood
with madeline to catch
up with cara for a
cup of tea.
stopped at amoeba on
the way.
carrying madeline,
we passed a couple
of sidewalk dwellers
smoking some drugs from
a soda can.
covered her face with
her blanket
and rushed past
made a mental
note to go the other
way around the building
on the way
back to the car.
i wanted plus
a recommendation i’m still
deciding whether or not i like.
finally made it to
the weho,
sat at a table on
the sidewalk watching
the fucked-up club goers
stumble into their
cars, attempting to drive
despite their impairment.
not awesome.
enjoyed a few cups
of tea and a little dessert
decided it was time
to head out,
early enough to avoid
the rest of the drunkards
made it home rather
quickly, and spent the rest
of the evening listening to
my new cd purchases.
madeline smiles = great day.
only wish
liz
could have shared
the experience.
115 Comments
Your daughter is beautiful. She looks just like her mom when she smiles.
her smile is sooo beautiful
matt- maddy is such a beautiful baby!
i seriously love those pictures of her.
i want a picture with the robot! no fair.
Sitting at the computer with a big dopey grin after watching Maddy’s video. I know it’s repetitive, but I can’t say it enough. That kid of yours is beautiful.
Oh those smiles, SO precious!
And even though you hate to hear her cry, isn’t it the *best* feeling when you realize all she wants is YOU? Made me think of the story you told us of Liz and how she’d call you on her phone from bed, just to come and talk to her.
Hope you and Madeline are enjoying a lovely Sunday evening.
*Hugs* to you both!
I am totally in love with your Little Miss M. How could someone NOT love a smile like that?
Sending you gentle thoughts of peace and light, Nena
Love the smiling pictures and video!! The butterfly was beautiful too. And I’m loving the “Cuss-O-Meter!” haha!
what a great smile she has. i love it when they (babies) give a chuckle even if you didn’t say anything funny. i am a damn good comedian to my lil girl when i talk to her about going home and feeding her, you can never fail with some good formula jokes.
anyways, hope the weekend was filled with more of those lovely smiles.
She is so gorgeous. And how great is it that all you have to do is talk to her and she smiles? She loves her daddy. You are lucky to have each other.
hi there matt,
greetings from the MN. i have been reading your blog since the beginning and continue to follow your life in awe of your strength and courage. in fact, i thought of you last weekend as we drove home from “up north” and drove past the big fish in garrison. i smiled and thought “how cool…matt was here!” thanks for sharing you life with all of us….madeline just really lights up the room with her giggles and smiles. continue to do the great job you are doing!
debbie
Loved the first photo and the video. I can not say it enough but you make Liz so proud.
Good luck with the computer repairing. Don’t get to frustrated.
Man – I totally thought Ben was you. I love that he was playing piano for the fucking robot (trying to up the fucking meter)
I also REALLY REALLY REALLY loved the laugh video. Yes its you you fucking doof. Your talking makes her laugh not the tickles.
The tickles will probably make her puke lol. Or if you would believe my grandmother (dont, we totally proved her wrong with my baby brother) you will make her stu stu stutter.
Your ability to capture items in a photo is incredible. You possess many gifts and talents. Madeline is beautiful. Matt, I have to say I really respect you for your outlook at life, how you keep on going, how you love those around you. I think it is wonderful that you are sharing with all of us, teaching us. I hate going through shit but when I do, (mine has never ever compared to your shit) the only way I ever get through it is hoping that some day I can help someone because of what I learned. You are already doing that and you are still in the shit. Thank you.
Oh my goodness, that video is amazing!! Enough to brighten anyone’s day!!
Seriously, could sweet madeline be any prettier???? She is so precious!!!! She is so lucky to have such a wonderful Daddy. You are doing such and incredible job and are so blessed!! Thanks for letting us watch Madeline grow up…..
She is beautiful and it is great to see a video of her in action.
My son did the screaming thing, too, as he did older. You are the light of her life, and she was just testing you to make certain you were there.
That video is truly beautiful. I saw it when you posted it on Flickr, and it made me smile then, but watching it a few more times, and then reading all that lead up to the video made me cry. A cry laugh really. How beautiful life is, and how beautiful something like a baby and her daddy is.
You both are lucky to have one another.
“a different time,
a different life.”
You can fuckin’ say THAT again.
oh, now that you have a mac, take a look at the different desktop backgrounds you can have… and find that white flower one with the green background. i commented on your flickr account saying how your picture that you took in your back yard a couple months ago looks exactly like the one on a macbook.
see…?
i told ya so!
Oh my goodness! I LOVE the video! HUGE smiles over here!
My 16 month old loves it to…kept saying, baby, baby!
SO CUTE!
She’s growing up so fast . . . amazing how babies do that! Love the smiling video . . . thanks for sharing.
Asalamalaykom,
Bravo on the bacon/ham/sausage free breakfast.
(Should I? Shouldn’t I? Should I? Shouldn’t I?)
I really, really hate to tell you…ya, some yoghurts have pork gelatin. It probably doesn’t matter to you, and I won’t EVEN go there. For me? I can’t eat some brands (got to read the labels).
While we’re at it: there is pork gelatin in Jello, marshmellows, and in Frosted Mini-Wheats (which I ate joyfully by the econo-bag for months before realizing how pork can hide).
The best thing is that life (with Smiley) and death (with the butterfly) continue to keep you centered on NOW. You are riding a great big wave of NOW. So enjoy the highs and don’t crash on the lows.
One last thought: My own kid #2 was very smiley. I was cooing to her (oh, and you should try to go up an octave to get more reaction) and telling her three-year-old brother,”Look at your sister! She smiles so much maybe we should have called her ‘Smiley’”.
He answered, “Maybe we should have called her, ‘Spit-up’”.
GAH – no pork lectures! please lol. You have the right not to eat it. I will be enjoying my Taylor Ham & Cheese tomorrow thx.
And maybe even bacon flavored yogurt
(sorry Matt, couldnt resist)
I love the video!! Thanks for sharing!
Wow! She’s so beautiful! Love the video of her gurgling…making the sounds… Love her smile… she looks some much like Liz… and that big smile that lights up a room. Wait till she starts talking. Fun, fun, fun…
Oh Matt – that video of her smiling at you is amazing! Glad to hear you have put some good days together. Madeline is so beautiful and you continue to amaze me!
On another note – not sure what software/services you are using for your data recovery efforts – but I thought it should be noted that I work for the largest data recovery company in the world and we are headquartered right here in the good ol MN. I would love to be able to hook you up with one of my DR buddies if you should need additional help getting back your stuff (we have a local office in the Fountain Valley). Once I saw that it wasn’t your photos I was relieved – but we can get anything back. Trust me! Shoot me an email if you need any help!
Take care of yourself –
Jen and Zoe in the MN
madeline just totally made my day. there is nothing better than baby smiles.
Your Maddie and my Aubrey are the same exact age………well minus one day.
Madeline is sooo beautiful! You and Liz did a great job!!! You are a wonderful father and you should be very proud of yourself.
convinced the new scream is because you dress her with her leggins UNDER her onsie. Or maybe it is because she has dry skin, gas, or the buckle on her car seat is wrong! Actually, I bet it is all because she scratched her face with her Freddy Krueger Nails….Kidding Kiddo. Nikki
That video was great! Her smile is totally contagious… I love it! Your beautiful daughter has an incredible father. Look at her, you are doing great.
ps-Never you mind about my previous comment on the strap. Must have been the angle of those photos!
I thought that was so cute you covered her up so she could’t see the pop can episode. That’s just plain sad.
Loove the pic of the “Robot and the Mad Piano Player” so fuckin awesome!
Madeline is just pure joy! She is such a sweet pea!! Hope the two of you have a great week!!
Thanks for the video. It made my day.
Matt- Thanks for sharing the video. Maddy is a beautiful girl and you are a fantastic dad. I could hear the powerful love and pride in your voice. I can see the two of you becoming an awesome duo that share laughs with one another every day!!
That video melted my heart. What an amazing feeling having your baby smile at you! A smile is such a simple thing but it means more than words can express! She is absolutely precious!
loving that i get to play catch up (been up in the mountains of CO with hardly any internet).
once again, you are doing an EXTRAordinary job! i am not sure if there is a verb perfect enough for how i feel about your daddy-hood. it is marvelous.
and holy moly – i want to EAT miss madeline up!!! (in a non creeper non pedophile way!)
ooh and i am soon going to also join the mac cult!
still thinking of you often and praying praying praying for you!!
Hey, speakin’ o’pork, I found us a new pork mecca!
http://thesiegelfiles.blogspot.com/2008/07/tour-of-cool-valley-haunts-episode-1.html
It’s crying out for you to eat there and document it in your own inimitable fashion. Plus, it’s WAY kid-friendly!
OMG she is too stinkin cute. She needs to hook up with my Sammy. He is 5.5mo old, they two of them could talk up a storm together!! Man..nothing like those blood curdling screams that send your heart rate up and make you bolt down the hall to save them, and then they’re as happy as can be to see your face and though you smile in return have to sit down and regroup!!
What is all over your lawn……apples??? YUM!!You should make a pie!!!!!!!!
What did you do with the butterfly??? Wanna keep it incase we ge to see you on our visit to LA??? LOL My son is in 4-H entomology and he would FLIP OUT for that. We do not have that species in CO!!
The video made me wish that someone would drop off a baby on my doorstep. In the picture taken in your yard with the robot…are those mushrooms growing there? Hugs to you and Madeline!
Your little girl just might be the most beautiful child I’ve ever seen…
Her smile is amazing!
Those shrills of seperation anxiety have a way of reassuring mommies and daddies of the need that only THEY can satisfy. Isn’t it wonderful? Gotta love it.
On another note, I thought of you today as I had the opportunity to speak to a bunch of women about hope and coping in the time of death. Your resolve for a happier “2008: part 2″ specifically stuck in my mind. You’re doing great!
Missy Madeline, oh dear, she is beginning to know which buttons do what. I know our babes are learning all the time but every now and again I feel like I’ve finally got a handle on how things work and then it all changes again. Ella is almost 5 now and you know what, it changes more, rather than less quickly. When I am exhausted, can’t do another thing, tired from all the fun and wondering why I think are you f***ing joking, I’m almost 40, I can’t keep up with these kids! The younger babe, Leila, she’s 18 months now and clears her own dinner plate into the bin! That’s not my parenting, that’s just plain freaky – I wonder where we’re headed by the time they’re in their teens!
It’s a problem Matt these gifted girls – you’ll have your work cut out for you.
Madeline gets more gorgeous with each passing day. Am now addicted to your blog – need my daily Madeline fix, and it’s not like I don’t have three beautiful children of my own.
Oh that video is precious! The best part is at the very end where you can be heard say “aw that’s beautiful.” That is true love right there. Not rehearsed or planned, just laid out there. Makes my heart melt.
Her crying “trick” is funny. She knew THAT cry would get you running. She missed your face.
I have been reading your blog for about two months and I have been very moved by the words you have spoken. I love that you don’t sugar coat things.
Your daughter, oh my, she is just beautiful. That video of her smiling is just amazing. The smile she gave when you spoke is my main reason for posting this comment.
Liz was a beautfiul woman, she clearly had a zest for life. Her smile could knock anyone’s socks off. Unfortunately her life plan wasn’t what anyone expected. While this is certainly a tragedy, you now get to experience something most fathers don’t. That amazing love their child feels for their main caregiver. Usually the mom. I truly hope that this doesn’t upset you, I in no way am intending to do that. It’s just that when I saw Madeline smile when you spoke to her it made my heart feel the love the she has for you. The love my kids have for me. Yes, they love their dad and are so excited when he gets home but the smiles and love they give their mom is different.
I enjoy your blog and will continue to read about your journey. I wish you health and healing for your future.
Matt-That video made me smile and cry at the same time! What a gorgeous baby Madeline is! And MY GOD, does she ever love her daddy!!! I love how the SECOND she hears your voice she grins! Just amazing! What a treasure she is! Thank you much for the video, made my day!
~Sarah
Since I’ve never met you it was so nice to hear your voice in the video of Madeline. It’s amazing how a baby’s smile can make all of your frustrations float away in an instant.
Glad to hear your choosing some healthier food options!
Matt- What great days you had last week. I am getting worried about you not sleeping in your bed. I hope you are getting good quality sleep. The pictures of Madeline smiling made my day. As I am sure they do yours. Hope your weekend was nice. BTW Happy New Year! Hugs, Rian
Matt,
I’ve posted a few times, but visit daily. I’m the Angie from the MN with a 2 1/2 year old Maddie. Aren’t children amazing? I can be having the worst day and a smile from one of them will change it all around.
You are doing great with her – it is clear she loves her dad very much!!
Adorable, so adorable. Miss M you are so cute. You are beautiful when you aren’t smiling but dang – when you smile you even light up my house!
Matt,
I know it’s off topic but I found a free formula sample website, you can request a free sample and maybe your readers and friends could too, just too save you some dough that you could use on CD’s instead.
http://www.totallyfreecrap.com/Archive/Jul08/milk.htm
ditto Mo Mo – your “aw, that’s beautiful” comment melted my heart. but, the video – as a whole – certainly made my day.
still reading, still cheering you on. glad to see 2008: part 2 seems to be going well.
the little film of the smiling Madeline so beautifully shows how you are both discovering one another and falling in love with what you see. Doesn’t it just fill you up? btw, it’s funny how you creep into our lives…going to chicago for the first time and was investigating little places not to miss. Read about a hot dog place calling itself “The Sausage Superstore and Encased Meat Emporium”…smiled and thought of you and you predilection for pork and all things fatty…
She adores you. I agree with the comments above, she is so lucky to have such a wonderful Daddy AND you are so lucky to have her. You’ve put a huge smile on my face this Monday morning, and that ain’t easy!
Hi Matt,
Hi Madeline,
I had to play catch up too…just spent 2 hours reading your latest entries.
Warm wishes to the two of you.
Still reading…
Pixie
It’s funny how babies can ramp up the volume to 11 when they really want your attention. It scares the shit out of me every time. Great video.
That, my dear, is the beginning of separation anxiety. Madeline is so attached to you that she knows something is amiss when you are not around. Her little brain cannot fathom what that is, but when you are not in her sight she can’t imagine that you will ever come back. So, she wails and wails and wails and then you reappear, and it’s MAGIC. I believe in the world of parenting we call this: YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY AND STRONGLY BONDED WITH YOUR CHILD. Amen. Congrats.
But of course, we who have been watching you knew that this would be. You are an AMAZING father. You are giving her exactly the care she needs and deserves, and you are doing it so very, very well. We knew it, but she’s telling you now. Loudly!
Maddy is so fucking beautiful! That smile would melt anyone!
Reading about Madeline and seeing her smiley pictures is the best way to start of my Monday. You’re doing awesome!
Mat.
Just wanted you to know that I am reading daily. I am not sure how I found your site, but glad I did. You are a wonderful father and Madeline is blessed to have you at her side. Her smile warms my heart!
Hi Matt,
I was checking out your blog with my mom . She tells me about you and Madeline every day and I’m sorry about your situation. I realy like your robot. I saw the butterfly you caught and was wondering if you could save it for my etomology colection and if I could pick it when we see you next month.
from,
kyle age 11
So beautiful. I love when they start doing that (smiling) and talking!! What a smart little girl!
I know it’s no substitute for having Liz there in person but every time Madeline smiles, Liz IS there with you, it’s unmistakable!
Great video! She has the best smile! I hope you can retrieve all your lost computer stuff!
Oh Matt, Medeline’s smiling video made my day. Here I am smiling in my office. Thank you Madeline! Her smile is infectious, and she looks more and more like her mom.
What a beautiful smile she has! Hey Matt, are we going to get to see all the fun stuff that was in those stacks of packages from a couple weeks ago? I know, I know…it’s not like you don’t have a infant to take care of and have hours of free time!
Matt~ my kids wanted to write alittle something, I hope it is ok. Emma is 7!!
Jeanine
Hi Mat I hope we see you we have gifts and drawings for you I hope I can hold Madelin. love Emma please write me back
Love your comparison of Madeline’s smiles to those of your wife.
you’ll love the MGMT album, it’s really amazing. madeline looks beautiful and has really grown!
take care!
sounds like Madelyn’s figured out the “I tricked you” cry! lol It never goes away. I have toddlers and an 8 year old who still do it occasionally. stinkers.
She’s so adorable. I can’t believe how much she’s changing already!
Matt, thank you for both the smiles and the tears. I look forward to seeing Madeline every day.
This is my first time commenting, but I’ve been reading your blog since ‘forever’. Don’t know why today I felt compelled to write, but I did…so yeah. Madeline looks more and more like Liz with every picture you snap. She is absolutely beautiful. And I have to thank you for the wonderful video, it made me smile today.
hugs to you and happy 17/52 to miss madeline. that makes her .326923 years old. wonder how one would do that in candles on a cake?
Matt, thanks so much for sharing the video, it is AWESOME!! Wow, how she just gets cuter and cuter!!!
Good luck with your computer, I know I’d be completely lost without mine!!
I freaking love that video! Thanks for posting. She’s so beautiful and full of life. Lovely.
Keep up the good work!
Dammit, my stupid work computer is blocking the video. Damn Big Brother! I guess they think I’ll try to watch porn or something. Those pictures are adorable though! And I’m sure AJ loves being referred to as a super-nerd, they always get the chicks!
I know that cry. My son Pat used to cry like that and my daughter had a cry that would make your skin peel off!
My son would cry when he was left alone in a room. You could be in the room with him and not even touch him. He would be fine. The minute you were out of view the siren would start. It was awful.
My daughter had colic. She cried so loud my neighbors would bang on the walls! She actually woke a few of them up on occassion. She was really lucky we didn’t take her back and exchange her! After a few months of torture I realized it might be the formula. 3 days after I changed it, she stopped.
Now she is 3 and still does that cry. Especially when her brother’s pick on her or take her toys! It is alarming.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen any one doing drugs out of pop cans? Hell, what do you smoke out of pop cans? I didn’t even know you could do that.
Maddy is so darn cute. I love the toothless smiles and kisses. They melt your heart. It’s so amazing that something made of poop and formula can make your heart go to mush with one smile or giggle! It doesn’t stop either. Just wait until you can have a conversation with her. OMG. It just blows your mind.
Have a good Monday…
I cleared my cookies and now I can’t write my full name. Anyways, wonderful pics of the babe. The butterfly… You come across the most random shit.
*********Pig meat rules. Eat Pork! *************
~Christa from the Valencia
PS I’m not in the mood to fuck Jill, probably cuz it’s Jill’s fault.
Seriously, how do you stop yourself from just nibbling on her and eating her up completely?
Absofuckinglutely insanely beautiful.
Happy Birthday Missy Moo! You’re 17!
look at those smiles. Back at ya.
I envy the ones with the faith- the ones who *know* Liz is by your side..
it is the knowing I envy.
for sure.
But I suppose I should rest assured in the things I do know.
I know that Liz shares in those smiles on some level..
When ever my partner has one of those magikal beaming moments with our babe and says- How is it possible you are this cute.. i think…
She was made with love.
two people sure of their connection-
sure of the other-
bringing a person into existence.
man..so VERY rare these days.
and makes for SUCH sweet- such amazingly special people brought Earth side to make us all a bit happier in our daily shuffling.
I wish she could see it- feel it as well.
She certainly gave us a sacred gift.
Sounds like a couple of nice days.
fuckin’ crack-erific -no doubt.
God I love the toothless smile.
Madeline has the most beautiful smile!!
Madeline is truly gorgeous. Thank you for sharing a part of her with all of us in Blogland.
Ok…I am a lurker but just had to say how awesome the video was…so cool to hear her cooing and the way you both interact…very nice addition to the blog.
Praying that 2008 part 2 gets better and better for you.
Hi Matt,
Weird writing to a stranger but just had to reach out in some way. I’ve been reading your blog pretty much all day at work. Don’t even know how my friend found it and sent it to me. She just had a baby so I am sure it’s connected some way.
Anyway, you are an inspiration and I feel for you as much as a stranger could. What happened to you is what we are all afraid of, is what I am afraid of. But I think you have handled it brilliantly and I think you are awesome for writing about it the way you do. Everyone is right, Madeline is lucky. I hope you can find some kind of peace in the future. So before I start crying in my cubicle, that’s it. But first I will bookmark this page.
Take Care,
Kristin
the smiles are too much. I can’t take it!
well shit, Matt. 4 weeks ago tomorrow I had a tummy tuck (as well as some other really high maintenance girl stuff) and even though I am completely finished having babies (4), your video of Maddy smiling & your loving voice made MY uterus ache. You’re setting the bar high for daddies everywhere, Mister! YAY YOU!!!!
smiley madeline just overwhelmed me with awesomeness there. i’ve been reading for a month or so quietly, and the two of you seem to be doing such a good job of looking after one another.
also, that’s a fucking great polaroid shot.
First things first- I LOVE LOVE LOVE the video of the smiles! It was awesome.
My daughter said “AWW! She’s a cute baby, mamma.” 
See? It’s official. If Jayna says so, it must be. I asked her what you need to do to make her smile more, and she suggests jokes. Brilliant, I say! LOL
She is so, so beautiful, and I can hear the joy in your voice. It’s awesome. It makes me want another baby so so, bad, but mother nature has limited me to the one blessing I have. It’s ok, she’s enough.
Damn, I wished I lived near the CA. A photo with the robot would be fuckin cool!
Everything just keeps getting better! Soon Madeline will be crawling to you wanting you to hold her. Life is amazing.
I’ve been out of town so I’m just catching up but wanted to wish Miss M a Happy 17/52!!! She becomes more beautiful each day!
Matt, that video is priceless. What a gorgeous baby. I want to kiss her up!
I love that MGMT album. It was my crack for a good month. Looking forward to check them out live next week.
she was, trust me
@Hawkfeather – usually Matt makes me cry, but today you did. I love what you said. How nice the world would be if every baby were made with so much love.
My youngest son has started the ear-bleeding shriek when I leave the room. He is immeadiately happy when I reappear! Amazing
matt, now that I left a comment for the first time the other day, I feel like I should comment more often since I look at your site regularly – that video really is priceless. Imagine looking back at that one day when she’s grown – my oldest daughter is only 3.5 and seeing videos of her as a baby just melt my heart. Madeline is just SO cute, there’s really not a better word than just freaking cute. You guys are really lucky to have each other.
matt, i haven’t posted in awhile but i still check the site about 20 times a day. and i think i have watched the maddy video about that many time or more
@ hawkfeather “I envy the ones with the faith- the ones who *know* Liz is by your side..
it is the knowing I envy. for sure.
But I suppose I should rest assured in the things I do know.
I know that Liz shares in those smiles on some level..”
I won’t get into my “religious” beliefs (or lack thereof), but there’s nothing to envy, as you assuredly know (as well I do), that Liz IS sharing in those smiles. Somehow, someway….
As is Matt, whenever he sees the GG (Gorgeous Girl) smiling back at him with that same, pure, precious love.
I was wondering what the program was to retrieve the data.. I had my laptop crash yesterday and need to see if I can recover anything? I also LOVE the pictures and the precious video of Madeline OMG she is so beautiful and looks like her beautiful Mommy!
Baby is sweet this we know…but Hello! Who is the hottie in the grass with the Robot. He’s yummy. And what is in the grass? Looks kinda like potatoes.
Matt,
About the sidewalk dwellers doing the drugs, are you sure they weren’t smoking crack made from the baby formula???!!!???
Debbie
You are so lucky to have such a sweetheart for a little daughter. Seeing her smile, especially in response to your voice is AMAZING!! I am sure you fill with joy when you hear her and see that amazing face.
I remember the changes in the screams, you will learn the “new normal” scream as she gets older. I had some moments when I thought my son had fallen out of the crib his cry was so intense. The thrill of communication….good to know she has good lungs, huh?
You are such a great dad….and she is so lucky to have you!!! What a great little girl!! Thanks again for sharing such a wonderful life with all of us.
Your baby girl is quite lovely, and she is lucky to have a kick ass dad like you, I can tell you love her lots…….is gentle ben availiable? Just curious.
Those frantic cries for no apparent reason are why I’ve nicknamed my daughter Chicken Little. She’s a week younger than yours and it is new for her too. Scares the crap out of me every time.
Beautiful–it is truly amazing how much Madeline looks like Liz…what a gift to be able to see Liz’s smile still…
Liz is stunning–thank you for sharing the wedding pics!
I LOVE what standingstill has to say about separation anxiety–it means that you have done your job very well!!!
HOLA Matt!
I want to WISH you a SMOOTH Tuesday.
and I will never stop saying you’re a FUCKING amazing DAD!
Maddy is a shiny happy baby!
Besos y abrazos
Sol
p.s. Since you both have a passport, maybe some day you could visit Argentina!!! You are going to be VERY WELCOME!
Toothless grins are the best! Enjoy them now before those teeth start coming in–of course toothy grins come in to their own right as well.
Thanks for letting us see your joy. We’re pulling for you in the MN, even if we are all the way north of the Pine River! 
Madeline is gorgeous. You made my day with the video, seriously you have one amazing little daughter. You’re doing a great great job Matt! =0)
Take care!
Hey Matt,
Your video of Madeline has forced me out of lurkdom. I’ve been stalking–er, I mean, reading your blog for a couple of months. Starting to feel a little creepy for never introducing myself.
I know you’ve heard it all before, but that is some little girl you have there! She gorgeous, an unbelievable resemblance to Liz. You’re doing such an awesome job.
Oh, by the way, that new shreiking scream you heard from M. actually has a name. It’s known in Latin as ‘sic infit pinkius’. Loosely translated , it means she’s got you right where she wants you, wrapped around her little finger!
LOL
Have a great day!
Keri
I love the range of expressions she shows in the video, from confused to surprised to gleeful. She’s getting so big!
Big Crocadile tears streamed down my face as I watched Maddy in the Video! Made me grateful for my little boy, and very Proud of what a good Daddy you are!!!
Yeah, I wish Liz could have shared it too. I was thinking that after seeing your newest pictures of Madeline, even before you wrote it. (Who knows–maybe she can in some way, but I’ve always had the hardest time hoping/thinking/wishing that. Death has had a certain desolating effect on my beliefs….) I *still* feel that way, so many times–even after 3 years–hoping/wishing/praying that Charley can see Anna, in some way.
I know other people have said it a lot, but Madeline looks so much like Liz. Maybe it’s just because she’s blonde and a girl (and also, since her momma’s dead people–me included–want her to look more like Liz), but Madeline always reminds me of Liz in photos.
Is it a comfort to you that Maddy looks so much like her momma? It was *such* a comfort for me after Charley died that Anna looked more like her father than her mother…but then as she got past a year old (or so), I started hearing how much she looks like Charley’s sister. For fuck’s sake–her father’s dead, and you want to tell me she looks like her aunt??! Fortunately the commentary faded over time, as Anna has gotten older…and as she starts to look (a bit) more like me now, actually. She’s turning 4 in a month, and it’s *still* such a comfort to me to see echoes of Charley in her–she has his exact eye color, for one thing (or at least from what I remember, she does)–but it also warms my heart to see more of *me* in her appearance–and especially in her personality. I’ll be interested to see how you think of Maddy in the years to come….
I don’t know why, but it’s hit me more in the last few posts how unfucking fair it is that Liz can’t see any of this, isn’t here for all the fun, fantastic things you and Maddy have gotten to do in the last few months. And I am so, so sorry, Matt. She should be here, and she’s not, and I’m so very sorry.
[Raising my glass in toast to you, Liz, and your beautiful little girl who looks so much like her mommy....]
I like the music from the video! I think Maddie likes it too! What band is that?
greetings from soon-to-be-in-a -hurricane Texas!
Maddie is a beauty!
The cry is a seperation anxiety cry.
My kids are 12 and 7 yrs.old andI can still hear it.
All she needs is reassurrance that you are there.
I love reading your blog.
it brings tears(happy and sad) to me.
You are blessed with all the friends and family that you. have