well.
it’s the 25th.
it’s been 4 months.
what to do?
well, we decided to go
to the beach.
why not?
it’s a beautiful
day and we should
take full advantage
of it.
plus madeline has
a few new sun bonnets
she needs to model.
spent the morning
writing and listening
to an album that makes
things a lot better
while madeline slept
off the excitement
of disneyland.
caught up with my
friend and her kids,
and we headed to
the beach at the santa monica.
(apologies in advance to mr. rogers)
it was a beautiful day in
my neighborhood, but it had
to be a million times more
so at the beach.
my friends and her kids
played in the water
and sand,
while i wandered the beach
with my bonnet-wearing beauty.
got stopped by a ton
of women, most of
whom were more than
a few years
older than me,
all of whom told me what
a gorgeous child
i have.
thank you, ladies.
one woman said,
“that baby looks like she was made with the greatest love in the whole world.”
i smiled, said
“thanks”
and thought, you have
no idea how fucking
true that statement is.
after a little while,
everyone was ready to
check out the pier.
grabbed our stuff
and headed toward more fun.
stopped for a minute
so the swimmers could
rinse off.
i added to my load
while they did so.
walked along the pier,
heading to the end to
have a little lunch.
some guy walking by said,
“very innovative”
as he watched me
feed madeline,
the bottle held in place
with my chin while i
shoveled a messy
burrito into my mouth
with a fork.
(she was covered with a napkin so i wouldn’t mess up her outfit).
i said,
“i’m getting pretty good at this”
which probably sounded
a lot like,
“um gtttt pttty git a thsss”
’cause i had a huge
mouthful of food.
(what a great example i am).
eventually madeline needed
a diaper change
so i hauled her into
the men’s room…
no changing table, but made due.
a guy walks in,
stands at the urinal and
begins a conversation
with me
(so, so uncomfortable when that happens, ladies).
he says,
“glad you’re a member of the team!”
i thought, “what the fuck?”
but said,
“thanks”
not sure what he
meant by that…
a member of the team
that should be my family unit,
or a member of the
team of dudes
who change their
children’s diapers in
filthy men’s rooms?
as he walked out he said,
“i remember those days”
so i guess i had
my answer.
good to be on that team.
headed back to the table,
finished lunch
and walked back down
the pier.
time for a ride…
something that madeline could
actually do…
a ferris wheel!
perfect.
got in line and it felt
a little weird.
here i was with another
lady and her kids,
looking like a real family
but totally not.
funny, sort of, but
i don’t get the same
stares when i’m with
someone that people
think is my wife.
we looked so normal.
but again, we weren’t.
united in our grief and
tragedy, we did our best to
look past the absurdity
of this fucked-up situation
and have some fun
with our children.
madeline in the pack
and still totally passed out,
we boarded our basket
and headed toward
the sky.
her first ferris wheel ride!
a few revolutions
and we were done.
a nice break from
reality, but now
back on the ground
with real-life
anxiety about the future.
fuck it.
we’re at the beach.
can’t have anxiety
at the beach
(unless there are some sharks around).
everyone exhausted,
we headed toward the car,
stopping long enough
for madeline to take
her first ever ride on
a fiberglass dog with
a fiberglass fire hydrant
next to it!
(it was my first time, too).
drove back my neighborhood
and said goodbye
to our friends.
madeline slept in her
bouncy chair
while i read a book
with the greatest title
of all time
(the poems themselves aren’t so bad either).
it got later
and our friends
came back
to join us for some dinner
(i picked up some in-n-out burgers)
and mario kart.
had a great time.
elizabeth stopped by
with a few gifts for me
and for madeline from
liz’s
former coworker, elise
and some boxes from
liz’s
office.
she and auntie angels fan
cleaned it out
a few weeks
ago and i’ve done my
best to avoid
having to take possession
of the contents.
fuck it.
today’s as bad a day
as any.
thankful to elizabeth
and auntie angel fan for
doing a job i was incapable
of doing
(these are the kind of friends everyone should have at all times).
our friends left
and elizabeth stayed
we talked about madeline
and of course,
liz.
it was nice.
it got later
and i got more than tired.
elizabeth left,
and i stared at them,
the boxes filled
with memories,
reminders of a woman
i will never
get out of my head.
there they sit,
in my living room,
until i feel okay
enough to drop them in
the garage.
despite the kick to
the balls,
it was nice day,
a day
liz
would have loved.
she’s not here
so we loved it for
her.
107 Comments
I thought about you two all day yesterday.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as i read your post today. Hold that sweet little girl and give her extra hugs. Thinking of you always.
Wow…I’m first??? And this is only the second time I have ever commented?? What a lucky day I must be having!
Just wanted to say that I wish that I could somehow bring Liz back to you. That’s all. I know it can’t be done, but that is all I keep thinking as I read your posts.
By the way, my husband and I moved from L.A. to FL in May, but I miss L.A. so much that we are moving back in Sept. Your pictures were the clincher for me. What a city. And what a beautiful baby you have. Keep on keepin’ on. You are doing awesome.
YAHOO Firsties!!! (Sorry my fellow creep, SOL)
You pack more activities into a day than we do in a whole month. You are AWESOME!!
Ok, maybe I’m not so lucky today…
I almost forgot: fuck the other Jill and GO PORK!!!!
It looks like you and your friends had a great day at the beach. Madeline is as cute as ever in her bonnet.
I’m glad it wasn’t a horrible 25th. I thought about you both alot yesterday and hoped you were doing okay. The last line brought on my tears…”she’s not here so we loved it for her”. Sometimes life is just so fucking unfair.
Keep moving forward – you are doing a great job!!
Thinking of you today in the mn….
Such beautiful pictures. I am really really proud of you and keep you, Madeline, and Liz in my heart. Sending you love and hugs from Montana.
Maddie was made with the greatest of love -and is surrounded by that every single day! What a wonderful sentiment.
Please know that you can spread a blanket or towel out and change Madeline any darn where you please. You don’t need to, and shouldn’t try to, use a dirty bathroom (men’s or women’s) that has no changing table. Today, I changed my youngest on a bench at a bus stop by the Wannsee. I have changed her on the floor in a corner of a conference center, and in lots of other strange places rather than use a dirty restroom. It’s perfectly ok.
And I didn’t figure that out for a while either.
HAAA – I love the beach in the Santa Monica. Of course I havent been there for like 15 years. I am sorry it was a sad day (but happy too). I love that you create each day making new and happy memories.
And GAHHH – isnt there a rule that if your penis is out that you cannot speak to strangers? Because like.. Well if someone is speaking to you isnt it rude not to LOOK at them. And looking at someone when their penis is out.. never mind….
– I was totally thinking that he was talking about another team at that point lol. You didnt happen to be tapping your foor were you?
You are probably on your way to the museum now. I hope you have a great time Maddy and Daddy.
I know it’s been said hundreds of times, but I am a long-time reader first-time commenter. I felt compelled to comment today beacause I loved what that old woman said to you on the beach. How accurate and profound.
You’re doing an amazing job with Madeline (another thing said hundreds of times on here) and I really enjoy reading about your lives. You are an inspiration.
‘a day liz would have loved. she’s not here so we loved it for her.’
profoundly spoken, as always! can’t help the tears from falling at this one.
looked like a beautiful day to beach and ferris wheel. and what wonderful friends you have!
(((hugs)))
Foot!! Foot dammit. Every goddamtime I try to make a fucking joke that shit happens…
“We loved it for her”
fucking beautiful.
I don’t have much to say or share but, Melissa from NJ gets my love for saying “penis” in a comment. Is this a first ever for the comments crowd?
Matt,
I love how you take Maddy everywhere with you…some children don’t get as many experiences in an entire year, much less those Maddy has had in only her first four months of life. Same goes for the amount of love you’re giving her. She’s a lucky girl for having such a great daddy.
Hope you’re both having a fantastic weekend.
“that baby looks like she was made with the greatest love in the whole world.” That is the most wonderful compliment, made to a baby, I have ever heard! Maddy is certainly a beautiful little lady.
Your photos make me smile.
That last line really got me. You’re amazing, Matt.
I LOVE that you took her on the ferris wheel. So cool. Sorry about the arrival of the boxes. Glad you had a good day at the beach. God, I totally miss the beach. Have a good day
to G’s point:
I changed my son on the grass next to the monkey house at Lincoln park zoo. I say as long as there isn’t any food around, go for it!
Oh, that last line, “a day liz would have loved. she’s not here so we loved it for her” – I could feel my heart just squish up inside.
I so wish that this kind of stuff, this kind of tradgedy, didn’t happen to great people. Not that the “not-so-great poeple” deserve it either, but there are some that you just don’t think should ever have this sorrow. Love to you both!
I’ve been thinking it for a long time, but with the Disneyland trip and all of the other excitement, now I know that it’s true… that little girl has WAY more of a life than I do. Glad you could find some happiness on such a sad day. Always thinking of you and Madeline and wishing you all the best. You are awesome!
Hugs from the NE!
Beautiful last line. So true. You are doing an amazing job, you have my vote for Father of the Year!
Loved the very last line. Sounds very healing and such a positive way to look at things. Thanks for making my day.
HOLA Matt
AMAZING post! BEAUTIFUL words and Pics!
…What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
Have a wonderdul weekend!
Besos y abrazos
SOL
ps…@Laurie from MN–> Maybe next time
Kudos to you for making the most out of a painful reminder of a day. From what you’ve shared, I think Liz would be happy that you and your beautiful girl enjoyed the sunshine and good company for her. 2008:Part Two continues!
P.S. I want to go to the beach…
I tell my son (all of 15 weeks on Monday) that he was conceived in love, born in love, and will be raised in love. I find that there’s nothing on earth I love more than him. That woman was right…you can see the love Maddy was begotten with.
(Now that you have that memory and those words from that woman with you, remind yourself of them every time someone says/does something stupid or out of place.)
There is light out there. Not everyone can see it, but it’s out there. The beauty is when it’s shown on you at the most unexpected time.
you made the day special for you and your daughter. always remember what the random woman said…madeline was made from a great love. she is a beautiful baby…and you, a strong and very brave man. hold your head high and be proud of what you are accomplishing for liz is always with you.
Loving the day- what a nice gift for Liz and for Madeline.looks like a day worth loving for sure!
It seems that sharks can sometimes come in brown cardboard boxes.
well luckily everyday Matt you are creating new- beautiful memories.
You wont ever forget.. but adding on to them- with days past and days loved seem the best way to conquer sharks…
…. and make them your bitches.
hey matt!!! what a beautiful day !!! here in rio de janeiro we had a beautiful winter sunny day too… let me tell something that i believe ( i really believe ) liz will be always with you and maddie. no matter when or how. she’ll be there. and later you’ll fell her beside you and maddie. love is around you. always. god bless you!
Tears rolled down my face today……..then it turned to sobs……..as my almost 4 month old sobbed with me. Thinking of you as always.
Bukowski, huh? The SaM album is really good. Every time I see my son passed out I wish that I could sleep that hard (without alcohol). It’s great that Madeline can sleep in the baby bjorn like that.
i believe
liz
was speaking through that random lady.
she was probably perched on her shoulder, whispering in her ear,
admiring the loves of her life.
nbl~
sometimes you inspire me to slow down and listen to life. That little one of yours is such a beauty. Liz is proud of you.
At the risk of sounding like an echo…”…we loved it for her” Profound beauty in text.
p.s.
I cracked up at the picture of Madeline crashed out on the ferris wheel! Awesome!
p.s. I cracked up at the picture of Madeline crashed out on the ferris wheel. Awesome!
“that baby looks like she was made with the greatest love in the whole world.” ~ What a great compliment…I love it! The ending to this post is perfect…I really enjoy seeing the world in your eyes, your perspective has opened my mind so much…thank you.
” so we loved it for her.” And you are doing a bang up job at that.
Saw you rocked a Twins hat yesterday. Very nice!
I’ve been following your blog since the Strib story on Father’s Day. Was it Father’s Day? I think so.
I loved the quote from the woman at the beach, “that baby looks like she was made with the greatest love in the whole world.”
Anyway, you are an inspiration! M is so lucky to have you as a father.
“that baby looks like she was made with the greatest love in the whole world.” What an awesome compliment!
You are doing a fantastic job with Madeline, and you are an inspiration to so many people. Madeline is so lucky to have you as her daddy.
I have never been to California, but I have always wanted to visit. Your pics were nice to view.
I get amazed at how much you do in a day. Wow!
I am glad you enjoyed the day for Liz…
You might actually have to take a day off between trips! Maddy keeps sleeping through the 2nd day festivities.
That’s ok, you can do it all again and again. It won’t get old with her.
And the burrito-eating while feeding? Brilliant! So many women seem to neglect themselves to take care of the baby. They don’t have to. You’re proof of that. Now I want a burrito though, damn you.
Logelin,
What a day! Please tell me you didn’t really wear jeans to the beach?!? I love you anyway, mostly because you weren’t wearing the RED shoes. We are making progress!
MI Love,
Nikki
Glad to see Madeline on her first ferris wheel adventure…..too bad she never saw the wonderful view up there.
As always you have a way of saying things that just make sense. Although we all share in this site, one day Madeline will read all this and it will be a wonderful gift.
What makes me happy when I visit this site is how it is so obvious that you want Madeline to share in everything you do. She will grow to be an incredible well-round, well-adjusted beautiful girl.
You are fucking incredible and remember what the lady at the beach said about Madeline “born with the greatest love in the whole world.” No other words it sounds like could be more true.
Hi Matt,
Glad you loved the day for Liz! Looks like the pier and rides was fun! Maddy was knocked out LOL
I love the compliment the guy gave you “that baby looks like she was made with the greatest love in the whole world.” ~ That’s the best compliment!
Liz would be so happy for you and Maddy and sooo proud of you! She picked the best Daddy for Maddy! Keep smiling… and doing what you’re doing!
What a beautiful day at the beach. I’m so happy you’re finding friends who can comprehend the tragedy you’re enduring. Altho I’m of course sorry y’all are even in this position…
Life is fuck’n crazy.
xoxo
k in the n
p.s. Thanks for introducing me (indirectly) to Bonnie Prince Billy! He is awesome. Also Sun Kil Moon.
You are doing a wonderful job…Madeline is the cutest!
first!!!!!!
haha, just kidding..
but seriously, the ending was very sweet. “we loved it for her” =] <<< my three year old sister did thubgat face b/c she was trying to annoy me..\ ]sorry for all messed up words.. it’s goldie’s fault.. but makes it more interesting and fun.
I never get tired of reading your site. Great pics, great writing, and just good old fashioned survival. What more could one ask for?
Immediately I also thought about the tapping of the foot in the bathroom stall….EEEEWWWW. I’m just glad you didn’t snap a picture! Sounds like you and Madeline had a great day at the beach–jeans and all! Take care M & M–lovin’ the pics and blog!
You are truly an inspiration for your daughter, and for all of us sharing these moments with you. Thank you.
I too think it’s awesome that your girl is already having such an exciting full life. She’s gonna be adaptable and worldly before her time, I predict!
Asalamalaykom Liz & Madeline’s Matt,
What a surprise to see how much fun you had!
As they say, “Fake it ’til ya make it!” Sometimes you really do have to force yourself to get out and have a good time. It sounds like an oxymoron because ‘force’ and ‘good time’ don’t go together in my book. It’s like, you have to set up the parameters to capture the fun. This is doubly important if you are dreading the day.
Maybe the 25th is a good day every month to actively love life for your Liz. Plan out some more firsts for Madeline on those days.
I really like that you didn’t explain the pseudo family to anyone or tell the woman on the beach about your Liz. The entire truth is known to God already and you can just smile…or eat your burrito…but don’t smile WHILE you eat your burrito.
“a day liz would have loved. she’s not here so we loved it for her”
- Dammit Matt, I wish she was here for you & Maddy too. I wish you had what you were planning on, a happy complete family unit.
In the face of this shit you manage to go on and be the awesome parent that you are to Maddy – she glows with the wonderful nurturing you give her.
And if it’s any concillation – Liz would be/is extremely proud of you
Leave the boxes for another time, maybe even never if you so choose…
love and lots of hugs from the Minnesota!!!
“Made with the greatest love”. No truer words were spoken. Thanks for the trip back to the pier, I took my baby (aka 17 year old son) there last August…he wants to go to LA Film school after graduation this year so he made his first trip there but certainly not his last. There’s nothing like a beautiful day at the beach with your baby, no matter what age they are.
PS @ hawk feather – you rock, loved the “and make them your bitches” comment! Very well said sista!
Nice to see the Twins hat. I don’t imagine there are too many of us Twins/Dodgers fans running around. Keep up the good work with the kid. The best is yet to come…
ok, tip: you can change that beautiful baby ANYWHERE you want to. laying on a blanket on the beach, at a restaurant on the chair next to a table….. serisously, you get a free pass with a baby. take care of you. – trina
Every other time I read your thoughts, I want to cry and usually do. I was thinking about your tats too (no pun) It seems to me they are deeply personal in so many ways. You don’t normally hold your wrist out for the world to see, your wrist is usually next to your body. If someone else wants to see those marks of love, they have to see your hand in a most awkward position. Silly, maybe, but it’s what I think.
Hugs and tears for a happy/sad day.
Fantastic read!
I laughed…I cried…
I finally traded in my very ergonomically incorrect baby carrier for a Baby Bjorn and rocked it all the way to the park with my 3 year old and 6 month old (note the unintentional product placement in your post).
Thanks Matt, for getting me off my ass
Hi Matt & Maddy:
It looks like you both had a really great time with your friends at the beach! Matt, your strength amazes me! I can’t say it enough—I love the way you right… the ending was a real heart jerker! I didn’t know liz… I don’t yet really know you or Maddy but I’m going to read here each day! If I had to guess Liz would absolutely love you to enjoy the day for her and everyday! Keep your chin up and give the cutie some squeezes!
Sending love from VT, Hannah
Hi! I don´t know you or Madeline, but I feel like I do and, from the bottom of heart, I wish you all good things it is possible to feel and have in life. I´m pretty sure Madeline will grow a wonderful woman (out an inside) and you be really happy together! Wish you the best!!! Big hug from Brazil!
being a motherless child myself and seeing how you are raising your daughter I find myself thinking of my own father. Raising me since I was 6 months old after having a very sick wife succomb to cancer. I can only tell you that you are doing a great service by talking and writing your thoughts in a online journal.
My father never wanted to talk about my mother. He was too heart broken. Therefore I know little about my mom and her personality.
Keep talking, writing and taking pictures. The past will be so important to Madeline. Oh, and one other thing…My father is my greatest hero. I admire and look up to him like no other. He got up with me when I was sick, took me to school and cut my hair in a pixi cut (like a boy’s) because he didn’t know how to do a girl’s hair. I have no regrets only amazing adoration for a man now 81 years old.
Peace.
Jennie in Salt Lake City
you are both loved!!! you are doing amazing!!
amazing post (as always!) that lady on the beach had it so right. i’m so glad you & maddy loved the day for liz. hope there are so, so many more days just like this.
hugs from milaca!!
oh, and LOVED the twins hat!! you should always wear that one!!
I’m glad you were able to make it a good day for Madeline, or at least as good of a day as it could be. You’re doing a great job. Keep breathing and one day you won’t have to remind yourself (my fav quote from Sleepless in Seattle).
@Jennie in Salt Lake: What a great story! Thanks for sharing it!
“…a day liz would have loved. she’s not here so we loved it for her.”
Beautiful description, Matt.
Madeline was most definitely “made with the greatest love”…it’s right there in the light of her eyes and her sweet smile. She looks so healthy and happy. I say it over and over again but it’s true…you’re doing one hell of a great job with her.
Thanks for sharing it all with us.
sounds like a beautiful day. I want to see a picture of the bottle under chin and burrito action. priceless.
I just thought of something that one of my kick ass co -worker dad did when there was no changing table in the men’s room (but there was one in the women’s) He plopped the naked baby butt up on the customer service counter……changed the diaper and handed the shit filled diaper to the cashier. LOL He then proceeded to fill out a (smart ass) comment card about changing stations in the men’s room.
Hello Matt,
good to hear that you have some sort of outlet for your grief….IE….someone who knows what you are going thru.
It helps SO much and is a real comfort.
Regarding the box…..I would just keep walking by it until you really felt you were able to lift it up and into the garage.
Maybe try having Maddy with you when you do it…..like in her sling thingie……therefore you would have a piece of Liz with you while you were doing it. I know you will ALWAYS have her in your heart, but it helps to have something physically there to hold to ease the pain u know???
Just a thought……
Keep your head up and remember that Liz will ALWAYS look after you and Maddy and keep you safe……That’s what has kept me going these past 5 years.
Regards,
Erika
Wonderful to hear that you and Madeline had a good day enjoying the sunshine and fun.
And that last line…Wow! So fitting. All the best for a continued great weekend!!!
-jen in bangalore
Madeline is so sweet in her little sun hat. Everyone should go for a ride on a fiber glass dog
Why do people say “first”? Is it a competition? Madeline looked like a movie star in her sun bonnet!
@Jennie in Salt Lake- What a great post- you know what you’re talking about. I’m sure Matt will appreciate hearing from you and your encouraging and heartfelt words.
Hi there, found your site from my sisters at allisonruth.blogspot.com i just wanted to thank you for sharing your story and allowing me a moment to really think about life, look at my own little guy sleeping and really, truly feel thankful for having time as it is so easy to take time for granted, your writing is beautiful as well as your daughter and your pictures, you’re very talented. thank you and happy birthday sweet little baby girl.
Hey Madeline you look like you really enjoyed that day! I don’t think my Mama has ever laughed so much at a blog! Tell you Papa he is too funny.
Hey Matt! My little Matthew is just a few weeks younger than Madeline. I love watching these little ones grow. It amazes me. You’re doing a fantastic job. I think your wife would be proud of you.
Matt,
Amazing!! Beautiful words, beautiful pictures, beautiful Madeline!
Take care,
Debbie
There’s something really rocking about Dads who get why there should be changing tables in the men’s room.
Your daughter is gorgeous. It’s obvious she was not only made out of love, but is growing up well loved!!
A perversely nice post to read. I feel such an affinity to what you post. So good to read about such a positive Dad and his wonderful bonnet model.
Mens’ rooms aren’t always the best for baby change but they do have their benefits. Like at the childrens’s theatre just before curtain up when your child needs to pee. The ladies’ are always heaving but the men’s, even if they are a portaloo, are like walking into a VIP area.
You spent the day beautifully.
Jeans at the beach – bravo! Not too many can pull off that look, you rocked it.
You made the day wonderful for you, Maddie and your new friends. I love that you loved it for Liz.
….do I need to send you a Detroit Tigers hat?
hee hee hee
It’s supposed to be beautiful day here in MI today, you know a rarity for us NE’ers and I hope its an equally beautiful Sunday for you there.
Aching to have something of value to add, to lessen the grief, but come up short.
Couldn’t not.
I’ve read your blog since May but have never commented. Something about today’s post made me want to comment. You are doing an *amazing* job as a dad. And yes, Maddie was made with tremendous love. You’re an inspiration.
First time commenter …
That daughter of yours surely looks like she was made with the greatest love in the world and it’s easy to know just by reading your words she continues to be loved with the greatest love in the world.
I’m so glad that you are documenting these wonderful days with your little girl – even if the do suck ass sometimes – she’ll have lots to look back on when she older – and know how much her daddy (and mommy) loved her, not to mention what a potty mouth her daddy has!
(I personally love it!)
P.S. Thank God for auntie angel fan – the one problem I have with your decisions for beautiful Maddie is that you are letting her believe it is ok to root for the Dodgers or Twins – so not acceptable – GO ANGELS!!!
I don’t comment often, but I always read … you are such a good dad … words cannot express. Really, every little girl should be so lucky. Truly.
Matt,
I love your willingness to share your life, and appreciate it in so many ways. I too grew up with my dad. Madeline will always have great memories, and beautiful photos, to help her hold on to all the great times you guys are having together. What a wonderful gift.
I lost my dad seven months ago…Dec. 26th…eight days later I gave birth to my daughter. It was a shitty exchange, a life for a life, but one I’ve been forced to deal with.
There will always be those shots to the gut that bring all the emotions back, but when I encounter these things I think of them not as reminders of him, but reminders from him.
Keep doing what you do best!
“a day
liz
would have loved.
she’s not here
so we loved it for
her.”
Damn. Just damn. What a wonderful thought. Glad you two did have some “firsts” on this 25th. Hugs to you both.
Tears are streaming down my face. Beautiful post.
I have been reading your blog for a while, but this is the first time leaving a comment. Your story is something so amazingly sad. I give you kudos for carrying on, and rasing your beautiful little girl so well. She is adorable….Carry forward!
Hey Matt. I found this link http://afullcup.com/upload/cmps_index.php?page=coupon_generator. There are coupons for diapers on there for Target. That it would be helpful.
I never tire of your photos… my husband first kissed me (car #1) and later proposed to me (car #15) on that ferris wheel… You make me miss the LA… xoxo
That last line made me smile. Thank you. You are doing a great job with your little one.
I’ve been enjoying your blog so much that I’ve decided it was time to start my own for my family and friends! I’m sure I won’t get at much traffic as yours and can never live up to your great site and writings. But it will be great for the future for my children to look back at and see all we did!
Beautiful as always. Loving the day for Liz is the best way to honor her memory! Maddie is beautiful and you can see she adores her daddy… when she’s not passed out.
I admire you…I really, really do. Just coming across your blog has made me want to be a better person. You and Madeline are going to have the strongest most beautiful bond as she grows up. I love that you get out and do stuff w/ your little angel…when you so easily could sit and around and mope all day, everyday. Kudos to you…your awesome!!!
Bukowski is literary genius. His “Run with the Hunted” has been a bit of a bible the past 12 years. I found his work in the (donation) book dumpster, literally and was hooked. ‘For Jane’ and ‘The Strongest of the Strange’ are two that jump to mind.
You’re an eloquent writer Matt. I hop over here every couple of days and see how you and Maddie are doing. I was listening to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afQ3dUMhM_E song and tonight it was for you and not for me to hear some of those words.
I know you might not be into rap so much, but there are insightful words there in. The song makes me feel better on the days when I don’t want to even rise fro the sofa. You are not alone, even though the hurts are different, there is a fair amount of compassion in the universe. To try and balance those tragedies.
“doing a job i was incapable
of doing
(these are the kind of friends everyone should have at all times).”
Yeah, word. I would fall flat on my face without friends. Nice to read about y’alls adventures with yours. Loving the day is indeed the best way of honoring the loved ones we have lost.
Sounds like 2008 part 2 is pretty amazing.
I thought of you both on friday, and I’m really happy it was such a great day. Keep up the greatness:)
Glad the day wasn’t too bad. We were a the beach yesterday too. I got my butt kicked by those huge waves. (Corona Del Mar)
Hope today is better for you!
I found your blog off another blog. Gosh, some many thoughts went through my head as a few time ready, from “gosh, it’s so sad” to “wow, he’s handling things so well” to “how’d he manage to have time to post while he has a little one to take care of by himself?” Mind you, these are just a couple of so many countless things that I was thinking. I have a 12-month-old so I’m also reading this from a somewhat new parent’s perspective. Anyway, I don’t know if you ever read all the comments but here’s one more.
Ok, I went back to read my comments and, boy, typos. Hey, I went to bed at 10pm, woke up at 1am to breastfeed, again at 2am, again at 6am, and finally at 8:30am before heading off to work. My 12-month-old would sleep through the night for a month, stop for weeks, and repeat. Anyway, enough about me. I meant to correct myself. I wanted to type “as a first time reader of your blog…” but somehow it came out as “a few time ready…”
I just want to say that I love reading your blog. You are an amazing writer, and an amazing person. She is quite a lucky little girl to have you for a dad!
Okay I just read your quote over on Storked!.. All I can say is Wow….
hey mattelin. friend of linsday here. attempting to get you the inside track on the Soup! but also noting your reference to Charles Bukowski, an author of whom my husband is a great fan. he’s a master of titles. on my music bookshelf resides a tattered copy of “Play the Piano Drunk Like a Percussion Instrument Until the Fingers Begin to Bleed a Bit.” he was also kind of nuts. but in a good way.
Hi Matt,
You don’t know me but I was sent to your blog by a friend of mine and I wanted to tell you that my thoughts are with you and your beautiful daughter who looks so much like her beautiful Mama, and I’m with you on this journey and even though I’m a stranger maybe somehow, in some way, that is a comfort to know.
“(what a great example i am).”
I would have *killed* for a daddy like you!