(a week behind, once again).
one hour of sleep
and i’m ready to roll.
grabbed madeline and got her
in the car seat.
talked to the driver
about the dodgers and their
playoff possibilities even though
i’ve been too busy
to pay attention
to baseball and was
way too tired to form a
coherent sentence.
he did most of the talking.
madeline slept.
made it to the airport
with a sense of dread…
i’ve been told i need
to have
liz’s
death certificate with me
if i want to take madeline
out of the country.
not awesome.
don’t really like knowing
that it exists.
hate that i have to carry
it
with me.
loathe the idea of having
to pull it out
and have some fucking
stranger read it over
just so i can
board a plane.
i understand the reason
for having to do so,
but still.
i’ve got more than
enough reminders that
i’ll never see
liz
again.
got to the airport
and stood in line
for an insufferable amount
of time, thinking the
whole time about
how much this all
fucking sucks.
finally got to the self
check-in kiosk,
touched the screen where
necessary and finally
talked to a human,
who stared at me with
eyes that said she
hates her morning, if
not her job.
maybe her life.
“do you have a ticket for the baby?”
“umm…no. she’s sitting on my lap.”
“well, you still need a ticket for her.”
“why?”
“because you’re flying internationally.”
fuck.
seriously?
i had no idea.
“can you issue a ticket for her?”
she said,
“no. i’m too busy. you’ll have to go upstairs to customer service. it might cost you a lot of money.”
“ok. thank you.”
before march 25th,
this would have stressed
me out beyond belief.
i likely would have
let the woman
know i was pissed
with some choice words
or a look with some eyes
that matched hers.
liz
would have read her
the riot act,
that’s for certain
(she had no time for bitchiness).
now, after losing
my everything,
shit like this
just doesn’t bother
me anymore.
sort of a gift i guess.
i walked away,
realizing that the woman
never checked our passports.
nor did she ask for
that goddamned piece
of paper that has been
weighing so heavily on
my mind.
thanks.
made it through
security, greeted by smiles
from everyone i saw.
the sight of a sleeping,
drooling madeline strapped to
my chest is enough to
make almost anyone
a little happier.
found customer service.
talked to a guy who didn’t
give a shit.
he said,
“why didn’t you get a ticket downstairs? they should never have let you walk away without a ticket for the baby.”
i explained that they were too
busy and that i had
been sent here.
“well…i can’t help you. you will have to go back downstairs.”
he never even looked
up from his screen.
thanks, asshole.
luckily the woman at the
computer next to him said,
“i can do it for you. i don’t want you to have to walk back downstairs.”
so awesome.
she worked fast, issuing
madeline a ticket.
$12.00
that’s it.
just had to pay the
international airport tax.
made to the gate
and boarded the flight.
madeline took down
5oz, and passed out soon after.
before we knew it
we were in the sf,
ready to get on
our next flight.
found awesome auntie deb
waiting for us at the next gate.
grabbed her and headed
for a free breakfast
in the united lounge.
soon after we were
on our way to the
canada, madeline’s first
trip outside the u.s.
i got some photos
of the little lady
mid-flight.
one happy:
(smiling at daddy).
one not:
(ready for a bottle).
i got rid of that
frown with a bottle
full of formula,
then she slept in
deb’s arms while i
got a little rest.
eventually we landed.
made it through customs
with no questions
asked, no one demanding
to see a death certificate.
so, so rad.
even radder?
someone got her
first passport stamp:
we retrieved our luggage
madeline hung out on
the horse statue
then on my shoulders
as we waited for the
g. grandparents to arrive.
it took less than
five minutes on the
ground in the canada
to hear my first “eh”
(felt right at home…sounds so much like the mn).
the grandparents arrived,
we got reacquainted
then found our rental
car for the trip to the banff.
tried to get out of the calgary,
but ran into some road construction.
i was volunteered to go
inside and ask for directions.
asked how to get out
of town, but struggled a
bit with what had
to be the thickest canadian
accent i’ve ever encountered.
she spoke the directions
twice yet i was
unable to understand more
than “street.”
asked her to write out
the directions.
she did, but then
she laughed at me.
on our way out of
town, we got a preview
of just how beautiful
this part of the world
actually is.
about 2 hours after
leaving the airport,
we arrived in the banff.
awesome town.
found our condo,
then went out for dinner.
a quiet night after
a long day of traveling.
spent the rest of the
evening watching madeline
get passed from
family member to family member
the smiles were present
on their faces,
but i couldn’t help
thinking about how much
liz
would have loved this moment.
there’s nothing worse
than knowing
that she gonna miss a lifetime
of these moments.
how the fuck
am i gonna be able
to truly enjoy these moments
when she’s not
here to experience them
with us?
we were robbed of
true happiness.
fuck blood clots
and fuck death.
i hate them both.
158 Comments
Matt,
I am not sure that there are any words….you and Madeline are in my heart. Sending you hugs and extra love today from Japan.
So many people do have things to say to you but I rarely do, anything seems inadequate, so I limit myself to cheery observations about M. It’s not that I ignore the sad stuff, it’s just that it’s so obvious, what can I say.
It’s a beautiful part of the world isn’t it? I went overseas for the first time in, god, can’t even remember the year now, but I was 22 fell in love with a Canadian in Kanaskis outside of Calgary and our first moment was in Banff – the first of many. I lived there for almost 2 years, various parts of Alberta and returned again when I was 25 and stayed another year. Whenever I think about that part of the world, eastern Canada, something moves inside me, it triggers such an emotional response. Give me a photo of pines with fog, water or snow in and I am there again.
I’ll look forward to reading the next instalment – thanks for sharing. x
Matt,
So glad you made it safely & with a minimal amount of trouble. Madeline is getting more beautiful every day & she looks so much like Liz. Have a great & relaxing time, and dude, you need to get more sleep.
Our thoughts are with you from Sin City,
Gina C.
So, so sorry that so many great moments are tinged with such sadness.
The picture of Madeline about to cry on the plane is priceless.
Wow! Things are getting bad in the airline industry – they expect you to issue your own tickets now. Great.
p.s. have you been to the Yoko Ono wish tree project in Old Town Pasadena? More info here: http://www.imaginepeace.com/wishtreespasadena.html
my gosh, she’s getting huge! i’m sorry that those 2 airport people were incosiderate. if you don’t want to deal with people, don’t work for an airline. simple as that.
it’s gonna be hard to go through it all, just you, but you’ve got a lot of love surrounding you. *hugs*
i’m so sorry that Liz is missing out on so much.
Hi ya Matt-
I was thinking the same thing yesterday. I know you’re sad and pissed that Liz isn’t here to see everything but I bet Liz is beyond robot pissed that she’s not physically here with you two and the rest of her family. Why IS life so unfair????? I have no answers….just questions like you do. I wish she were here for you & Madeline. Sending hugs from Berlin
PS-glad the one airport agent was nice to you and issued your $12 ticket for Miss M
)
Matt,
I’m so sorry. You’re right. It Seriously Sucks.
She should be with you and Madeline.
It’s shit.
I just wanted to say that I agree and I think of you & Madeline often from here in Australia and I wish you both a world of happiness. That is what Liz would want too (even though it’s shit!)
Kym
Long time reader, first time poster…
Madeline has become quite the traveler. Love your photos on the plane. I can’t imagine your loss, but I understand a little your feeling of someone missing out–my husband’s father died 13 years ago this month and it is often hard when we go and visit his family–we know that he would love his grandchildren. You never stop missing the ones who are not there.
BTW, you are doing great and Madeline has a great parent! And I love your photographs!
I wish I could put into words how I feel when I read your blog.
My heart breaks for you, and at the same time you are an inspiration to me.
I think of you and Madeline often and I find myself checking your blog several times a day.
I wish you the best. Please don’t quit blogging… even when Madeline is 15. I want to read about her first date and you teaching her to drive…
Love from Houston, Texas.
Matt,
Fuck death – that just about sums it up right there. You both were robbed and so was everyone who knew her or would have had the pleasure to meet her (unless they were getting the riot act from her).
Thank goodness for small things like not having to show the dreaded death certificate. Can’t wait to hear (and see) about the rest of the trip.
You won’t. Things will be different from now. You’ll experience, or live, these things numb. As a substitute for contentment and satisfaction they are less than poor. Life, or more specifically death, is a bitch.
Look at how big Mad is getting!! Can’t wait to see more about Banff, looks beautiful!
It looks beautiful their! I hope your trip was a blast!
And I as well, send you lots of warm thoughts!
Pics are beautiful as always – especially happy Madeline on the plane! I’m sorry you’re hurting – hoping you’re having a better day today.
You’re right. It fucking sucks that Liz is not with you and Madeline, as she should be. I could say that she’s always with you two in spirit, but I won’t. It just fucking sucks.
Beautiful photos of Madeline, as usual. Can’t wait to see more of the Banff.
Love,
Julie
I came across your site (like everyone else did) and just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. My friend who just lost a baby was telling me that she will always be “almost happy.” Hopefully one day the almost won’t be such a large gap to happy. Madeline is a beautiful baby…
Don’t know if it helps, but I’m crying with you. Yes, I agree death sucks (sorry, I can’t use the “f” word). Know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers. Thank God for little girls though. Mine just turned 14 months. You have so many wonderful things to look forward to with her. And those little smiles and giggles will melt your heart.
M&M~
I expect there to be some tough moments written down as you have had another first. Your anniversary without your Liz. My heart is with the two of you and also with Liz’s family during this time. I have to words to make things better but want you to know a cyber friend still thinks, prays and wishes you good thoughts.
What a bittersweet way to start the trip–passing around Madeline without Liz. I know that baby- watching pasttime (sp) well…Liz was there, smiling down, watching her parents, husband, sister and daughter–all the people she loved most in the world, spending time together. What a gift to her…
I say Fuck Death too.
Beautiful pictures though. Her eyes are beyond gorgeous.
YEAH FUCK BLOOD CLOTS!
Hi Matt,
This is my first time writing. I guess this is odd, and not very comforting. But I understand the whole death certificate thing. My dad died when I was 6 months old, and until I was 21, every time we had to leave the country (Argentina) my mom had to show the death certificate (pretty ridiculous). However, they never made a big deal about it in the US, so maybe we she gets older they stop worrying about it?
Anyway, best of luck. I’m glad that wasn’t an issue on this trip. And hopefully it will actually never come up!
The memories thatyou are creating with you daughter will eventually out weigh the hurt in your heart. Keep creating the memories, your a great dad!
Matt, I’m so sorry Liz can’t be here to share those special times. It truly does suck. Can’t wait to hear about the rest of your trip. I LOVE the pics that you took so far, truly beautiful! Hugs to you both today.
Every time I read your posts I feel a little angry. Angry that a person like Liz isn’t here and angry that there are so many horrible people that still are. I think about you so often as I care for my kids.
Nothing I can say that hasn’t been said and nothing I can say that will make it any better (so I won’t even try). Just wanted to say that you will get through this – however shitty it may be. You are doing a kick-ass job and we are all so very very proud of you Matt. I am glad you enjoyed the Banff as much as you could – as I said before – truly one of the most beautiful places in the world. Hugs to you and Maddy from one of your creepy peeps ~
xoxo darcie
Matt,
Lovely photos from the Banff! Looking forward to seeing more and hearing the stories that go with them.
So sorry the ticket agents were a$$holes…you would think people would go out of their way to help someone who’s obviously traveling alone with a baby. Good for the lady who stepped up and helped you out with the ticket.
I wish I could help you out with your question…I just don’t have the words. The only thing that comes to mind is “bittersweet”. It’s just not fair, and I hate it for you.
Be well today.
(Happy Birthday, Madeline!)
oh matt, i am so sorry to read a post like this – my heart goes out to you as you go through all these moments alone…with madeline of course, but liz was supposed to be there to enjoy madeline with you. i hope the rest of the week got a little better…
Matt,
Yes, you were all robbed and it totally fucking sucks. I am so sorry. You and Madeline are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care,
Debbie
Thinking of you both from the MN…
Matt,
Once again, I want to tell you that you are doing a great job. I know you have a heavy heart because of Liz not being with you both to experience what life is offering to you and Madeline. But I really believe she is right along with you…watching you…cheering you on. One day, you will meet again! Sending you lots of hugs from the MN.
Glad to see an update from you.
I’m sorry that you can’t fully enjoy those moments. Life can be so unfair, and it certainly has been unfair to you and Madeline.
I can’t wait to see more photos of Banff. Not sure if you are already back in L.A. (since the posts are a week behind), but if you’re not… I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip.
I’m glad you finally came across someone nice at the airport. You are doing a wonderful job with Madeline. Just remember Liz is looking down at you and smiling. She is proud of you and so are we.
Liz is looking down at you smiling and she is so very proud. You are doing a great job with Madeline. {{HUGS}}
sending big (((((((((hugs))))))))))) your way.
thinking of you… hope you had a great time
It looks beautiful up in Canada.
I’m so sorry that these happy moments with Madeline and family are masked by Liz not being there also. Must suck beyond belief.
Thinking of you in MN.
Not only clots and death, but also- fuck airline assholes who don’t give a shit about people. I hate them too. They don’t seem to realize that you depend on them to be fucking HUMAN and not a lifeless dick. I’m sorry.
At least you happened to be within earshot of a lady who wasn’t a total bitch. Yay!
Beautiful photos! I love how every awesome detail of Madeline’s life is on record in such a beautiful way…you totally rock for that!
I’m sorry that your first night there was so bitter-sweet.
We were talking about perseverance at church last week. I thought about you…and all I could think of was how proud I was that you were continuing to fight. Madeline is a lucky little girl…
Wow…this post is such a gut check for me. Amidst the beauty of you surroundings and the joyful opportunitis life brings your way there will always be a myriad of “if onlys” and “what ifs”. “What if Liz was here” or “if only Liz could be here to see this”. Thank you, thank you, thank you for allowing me share in your fight. Your valiant struggle continues to remind me that time is fleeting and life should be cherished.
Fuck the airlines. Have a big virtual bear hug on me.
Not sure if you are home or not, but enjoy/hope you enjoyed the beautiful wilderness.
It fucking sucks that you can’t share these moments with Liz. I’m really sorry.
Banff is beautiful, no?!?!? It was one of my favorite places to visit and I hope to return there someday. I’m glad you got to share it with Madeline, but my heart breaks that you didn’t get to do the same with Liz.
My heart goes out to you.
Besos y abrazos
S
p.s. happy 21-week birthday little princess!
I second what Andrea (post #25 said) – life just seems ridiculously unfair sometimes.
I also wanted to say that I laughed really hard when you said you couldn’t understand that woman’s Canadian accent. I’m really intriqued by what she sounded like because – supposidly – out west our accents aren’t very thick, not like them Easterners.
Hey Matt-I have been a lurker for a while…I have loved seeing you and Maddie travel. Love the photos, but understand your saddness. Maddy is beautiful and I hope to one day be lucky enough to have a daughter as beautiful as yours!
erin
It just isn’t fair!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Guys,
I have to laugh…My husband is a Pilot for United and I was a Flight Attendant fo 14 years. The customer service and everyone else are less than friendly A LOT of the time! It SUCKS!! I say QUIT if you don’t like your job!
Anyway, it sounds like your trip was a blast. Welcome home! Can’t wait to hear more.
Hugs and smooches to little Miss Madeline!
Kari from the Cedar Rapids
Matt,
)
Beautiful pictures as always. I’m sorry you had to deal with such a**holes at the airport. It is truly amazing how rude and heartless people can be. I’m sorry and it is so not fair that you and Liz were robbed of having a wonderful life together. I have no words that can make any of those feelings change, but i’m so glad that you have M. to help you get through all of those tough days. Your a wonderful father and this blog is proof of that. How many fathers write such beautiful accounts of everyday life with their babies? I don’t know many. M. is so lucky to have you as you are to have her. Biggest hugs.
“how the fuck am i gonna be able to truly enjoy these moments when she’s not here to experience them with us?”
How the fuck are you not? Just look at that beautiful little face that looks so much like your wife’s…
It’s not as though you have a choice, Matt. Every minute of your daughter’s life that passes by, you can’t get back. Just like you can’t get Liz back. So you have to keep doing EXACTLY what you have been, and that’s finding joy in your new normal…the one without Liz. And just know that Liz *is* experiencing all of these moments with you. You just can’t see her.
By the way, my license plate is “N1CE EH” in honor of my ex’s Canadian family.
hugs from North Carolina – no other words can really help…..
Just remember Liz is there with you, even though you can’t see her, and she is enjoying these moments, if not in the way you wish she could.
$12 ticket for M = radness.
first international trip, without liz = utter unfairness.
you have been robbed, Matt. you’ve also been so blessed. such a double edge sword that no one should ever have to endure.
You said you’ll never see Liz again…
I believe that you will.
I hope someday you’ll believe it too.
It sucks ass you don’t have her right now, this very moment, this very morning and I’m so very sorry. It really isn’t fair.
I wish I could give you a hug today. Please find someone who can do it for me, by proxy. What about Gentle/Asshole Ben? He’d work. He’d be good for a hug, no doubt. If he does lay a big one on ya, can you take a pic of it?
(ok i’m teasing, but i really do wish i could give you a hug today, for real).
The Banff looks amazing.
We say “eh” here in parts of the Michigan too. Hell, I thought everyone did. They don’t, eh?
(((hugs))) – I agree, fuck death, fuck blootclots, and fuck shitty customer service people at airports who dont give a shit if you may be missing a flight with all their bullshit.
I am too busy (WHAAAT???) Isnt that your fucking job?
wow, you ran into some nice airline workers. geez! glad there was one decent human being there willing to help. hope you had a great trip!
I’m so sorry that there is nothing to make this easier…but I’m happy that you can find people along the way to help make it easier- and that there are some surprises that are nice and some things that sound awful (that ticket could be be a lot of $$$) but isn’t ($12 – awesome!!) – I wish it was easier…but I really truly believe that Liz is there watching you all – experiencing it all with you – you just don’t have her there physically with you.
You’re doing amazing and rocking it out – keep that chin up!
I am sure these great moments with Madeline will always be bittersweet, but I am also sure Liz would want you to enjoy then as best as you can. You are doing a great job, and as parents all we can do is just keep moving forward. Great pics, as always, and I look forward to seeing the remainder of the trip!
Liz isn’t there to enjoy it…but you can enjoy it for her. Don’t know if it helps, but I remember a month or two ago, you said that about a day at the beach (I think…?) and it seemed to help then…?
Thank God for your helpful airline employee. The one bright spot.
That, and Madeline’s little peach-fuzzy hair!! It tops the cute-o-meter.
I’m also jealous of her passport stamp. The two times I’ve been overseas, I was so looking forward to starting a book full of stamps…and then they informed me that they don’t stamp anymore! Fuckers.
I read your latest entry this morning. It’s taken me 3 hours to come up wtih a decent response.
You gave me an entirely different veiw on things. I have dear friend who is a widower and you captured his sorrow, so now I understand better. I’m incredibly sorry for your loss. Know that Liz is sharing those moments with you, some how. Just not in body.
Matt,
I’ve followed your site for a while now and while I’ve never lost a spouse, I lost my son 19 months ago and I often feel like you do-Fuck death!!!!
Its not fair, is it?
HUGS to you and you are doing a wonderful job with Madeline.
Tina
Matt–
I came here once already to respond to your blog, but couldn’t find the right words.
I can’t pretend to know what you are going through. I cannot know what it is like to lose your soulmate, lover, best friend– the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with. I can pretend to know what it is like to lose a baby that you wish all of those things for– to have it all taken away before it even starts. I suppose to some it could be like comparing apples to oranges–
But the reason I say this is because I want you to know that someday, I think you will be able to really enjoy those beautiful moments. There will always be someone missing, for the rest of your life, but Matt, you’ll put that bandaid on your heart and Madeline will help you through it. You will look at her smile and you will see her mother. You will lean on your family and friends.
You will come here and read all of the kind words from strangers who have opened their hearts to you and Madeline and Liz. Strangers like me, who lay in bed at night, not sleeping at 1 am, thinking of you & Madeline and how far you’ve come in such a short time.
There is hope that not every great moment is going to be lost. I promise that.
Liz is always with you, Matt. She is with you in your heart. She is with you in your family and friends and most of all, she is with you in your beautiful daughter. Madeline is lucky to have you. And we are lucky that you are sharing her with us.
Keep your chin up. You’re doing a great job.
Praying for you and Maddy:)
I have those kind of thoughts often, about people close to me that aren’t here anymore. I’ll hear a song, and be like…”they aren’t going to hear this song…they would have loved it…” It’ll be like the most random things. But then I think how do I know they aren’t experiencing all of it?
That gives me a smidge of comfort, but it doesn’t always do the trick when all you want to do is feel the weight of that person next to you. You have every right to be angry…say it, feel it, punch it!
But let me just say that I LOVE to see you seeing the gift, the beauty, the strength that is your daughter. With her, you still have Liz.
lotsandlotsofhugs,prayers,thoughtsandallthat. Keep on, daddy.
I didn’t stop to read the other comments, so I will probably duplicate some. Yeah, it is not fair that Liz won’t be there for all the memories you make with Madeline…BUT you have Madeline, and she will always know that her mom loved her and her daddy. Keep making those memories, Matt, of all the things that Liz would have done, all the trips she would have taken and know that when you look in Madeline’s face you will see your beloved Liz in her smile. Blessings from Texas. PS The pictures from Banff are amazing, makes me want to pack up my bags today!
Hi Matt,
I found your site through Storked and found myself flipping through every single page. Now, I am continuing to read and send good thoughts to both of you.
I am so sorry for your loss, but you’re doing a fantastic job with Madeline — even under the rotten circumstances. She’s lovely.
All my best,
Elizabeth
Wish the pain would ease, I am so sorry.
it is amazing how so many of us take things for granted…
there is beauty everywhere… in the banff( very beautiful) and in our own backyards… it is with WHO you see the beauty WITH that will make all the difference… thanks matt…
~g
So, so happy to have you guys back! You have been missed.
Your words are so moving. A reminder of life and the unfairness of it all at times. And still you travel on my friend . . . .
First, I have to tell you thank you for giving me proof that ‘men’ blog. My husband wouldn’t believe me. Second, I would love to send you a baby wrap- they aren’t so hard on your back (especially traveling/sightseeing, etc.) Also, I can get my masculine husband to wear them. Third, Liz is ALWAYS with you- Do you really think you, death, or anything else could keep her away from you and your beautiful baby? Death is a temporary invisibility cloak- and I’m not even a techie! You know it, you feel her, Mad feels her. Thank you for being such a terrific guy. I have four brothers and a son- I hope they show as much dignity and honor in the face of adversity. Thank you and God bless.
Long time reader, first time poster.
Your blog always breaks my heart. It is a constant reminder on how quickly life can change. You are in the thoughts of more people than you can ever know.
I’m sure Liz is “robot pissed” not to be there, but she IS there every day, every moment.
I hope your trip to the Great White North was relaxing, and filled with happy moments.
I can not imagine how you deal with this day in and day out. People are so rude, they have no idea what others are dealing with and still they choose to be such jerks! I am so happy that you and your daughter are out and about so much despite of what you are going through and how you’re sometimes treated. You are a Hero in my eyes, and in the eyes of your daughter. A real stand up guy, keep it up!
ps: I love all of your pics on your website!!
blood clots do suck. i had a patient that came in the other night and told me she had a pulmonary embolism during her last pregnancy. i immediately thought of you and your beautiful wife. why did she make it and liz didn’t? i don’t have the answers for you but i believe you’ll see liz again one day. sorry, didn’t mean to get all religious on you or anything. sigh, the little cutie pie just melts me with those big blue eyes. can she get any cuter???
@ Christa in the V – I do see another fuck for you. This would be in addition to Louise and Jill. Perhaps a “Fuck Blood Clots” would be appropriate?!
Blood clots SUCK ASS! My hubby got two in a calf in May and is still on blood thinners and has to have blood drawn every week to monitor the thickness. We know how very lucky we were to catch them before they dislodged, no thanks to his fucking doctor. (Pisses me off just thinking about that asshole.)
Good for you for making Madeline a world traveler so young. Everyone should have a passport before their first birthday!
You were robbed, absolutely.
The best way I can think of to truly enjoy these moments without Liz? Enjoy them for her.
Matt, this post just makes me want to give you a huge hug! It sucks more than any one person should have to deal with.
I must say, I’m mad jealous of all your travels! I really appreciate all the pix of places I’ve never been
It always surprises me that people are so rude. It shouldn’t, I encounter rude people all the time, but it still does. I have to actually psych myself up to be rude to someone. I have to plan and get ready for it. How are people just naturally rude?? sheesh
I’m a new reader to your site. I’ve caught up with some major posts and want to say i’m sorry for your loss, your pain.
Your daughter is beautiful and is lucky to have such a loving father in you. Whether you feel it, you exude strength and perserverance.
Looks like beautiful country in Banff!
Madeline is getting more and more beautiful (and BIG!!) with each new picture you post of her.
Agreed.
Nothing profound to say. Just so sorry and pissed off that Liz isn’t able to enjoy life with you and Madeline.
Hope you had a nice trip to the banff. Sending you and Madeline an extra squeeze today.
FUCK PORK!! FUCK OTHER JILL!!! FUCK BLOOD CLOTS!!! FUCK MEAN AIRLINE EMPLOYEES!!!
She is so sweet, I finally got a minute to check Gina’s pics of you two, too sweet.
Kudos to the helpful airline lady, and boo to the two unhelpful employees.
I know it isn’t the same but I dont believe Liz is missing it all I believe she is watching it from heaven. Not like sharing it here on earth, but I never have believed that death is it.
Many, many hugs to you and M today… This week is the four year anny of my father’s death from a similar cause. Sudden, shocking, and in the prime of his life. It sucks, and nope, it isn’t fair. I feel sadness every day that he will never know his granddaughters, but, I can tell you, the pain becomes more bearable as time goes by… All you can do is love your daughter enough for both you and Liz. And we all know that you do.
Keep your chin up and know that lots of people are thinking of you guys.
I recall a poster commented not too long ago that life served you a shit-sandwich on the 25th. But like many/all of the previous posts – its totally amazing that you are still managing to be an awsome daddy to your Miss M.
Re the accents – too funny. I’m from Nova Scotia (VERY east coast of Canada) and if you think the accent is thick in Calgary – you gotta check out Newfoundland. As well – there some pretty terrific photo ops on the east coast.
(((hugs))) and hope you and Madeline get to enjoy the rest of your trip to Canada without having to deal with too many more assholes.
Those airline employees just remind me of the fact the we should be doing something we love to do and not something we obviously hate. Hope your trip got better once you were with family. I am almost certain it did.
As a survivor of bi-lateral pulmonary emboli, I couldn’t agree more with your “Fuck blood clots” statement.
Jameson and I fly often, our first international flight is coming up and I found out on accident that Jameson needed a ticket. The reservations guy I was talking to told me that they could issue one when we checked in. So, that first woman was royally out of line. I am so sick of airlines lately, I haven’t left on-time in the last 10 flights we have taken, not once! I would have been upset and given someone my 2 cents worth? I know you said it doesn’t matter to you, but seriously what service business (other than airlines) would be able to treat their clients like they do and get away with it??? It makes me want to write a letter of complaint!
Matt,
I agree. Fuck death. I am still wondering how to get through the happy moments. Lately those have been the hardest to deal with. Sorry I cant help, but I wanted to let you know you are not alone.
A
I too must carry my husband’s death certificate when vacationing with my kids……..but no one’s ever asked for it……….it does hurt though, even after years…..just another slap in the face.
My part of the world! I grew up in Alberta, and spent lots of time in all seasons in those mountains. I do hope you’ll take wee Madeline to the Banff Springs Hotel for some photos – she will love, later on, that she visited a castle nestled into the mountains and forests. Hope you are having (had) fun…and that you get a break from sadness even for just a moment.
Tamara
Sorry about the jerks at the airport, but just remember the awesome airline personell from previous flights (chocolate, wine,up grades….) Maybe , somehow, the good will finally outweigh the crappy. Life is unfair. Period. I take care of very sick infants because their parents ( and I use that word because I can’t think of another) were too heartless to think of their child . Babies who were so badly shaken that they are brain damaged and blind. They certaintly didn’t ask for that. Life is unfair. Many times I have to hand these babies back to the very hands that harmed them because some judge decided to give the “parent” another chance. Life is unfair. What I DO know , after fostering for 18 years, is everyday a child has love, is an investment. It is unfair that one of the BEST Mommies in the world didn’t have a chance to be that….Life is unfair. Keep your chin up , you are everything to sweet Madeline and she is thriving and happy. You can be very proud of yourself, I see plenty of parents who don’t step up to the plate. You have set the standard high. Hugs to you and Madeline. Praying for you every day. Oh, a $12.00 ticket out of the country…we know who is lookin’ out for you. Hugs to you both…
Hey Matt,
I have been following your blog for some time and never quite knew what to post! I have an 8 month old little girl and every time I start to think I can’t take another day, I always think about your Liz! It makes me cherish even more the precious days I have with my daughter!! I talk to my husband (I know, ha ha!) about you and Miss Madeline a lot.
I hope you were able to enjoy your trip. Liz is always with you both! You are doing a great job!!! We all know Liz is so proud of you!!
Hi Matt,
I read your blog for a while now and I think you have the most adorable little girl. I am from Eastern Canada and didn’t know that a Canadian accent was existing. As I am from Quebec, the only french province in Canada, for sure I have an accent (and a so so english, sorry for the mistakes). It was funny to read that. Maybe the person you asked directions was a french person leaving in Alberta (there is a lot). Anyway, if by chance you ever come to Montreal which is a BEAUTIFUL town (where everyone speaks english by the way) I will be more than happy to be your guide. I suggest that you don’t come in the winter because it is dam cold for an California Guy but, if you’re willing and you have a warm coat for you and Madeline, you will enjoy I am sure the beauty of winter. We also have an hotel made from ice in the winter. Incredible.
Hope that peace will slowly but surely find the way to your heart.
Sincerely
Catherine
I think that’s the reason behind having kids – the “biological imperative” to ensure that a little piece of us lives on when we as individuals do not. I look at our daughter and can see bits and pieces of us, as well as her grandparents and even the great-grandparents.
Oh, and what is it with the airlines? Sometimes people who work for them are really nice, and other times… they seem to go out of their way to be mean to people with small children.
I hate that you and your precious daughter where robbed of having all these moments with Liz. You two will make so many wonderful moments together. Then you will get to share all the wonderful moments that you had with Liz to your baby girl. They wont hurt as much to talk about. Hard to imagine. They become sweet memories that take you back to a wonderful time. This site will be a treasure for your daughter to read one day.
Keep your head up Matt. You are doing an AMAZING job my friend.
you are riding a roller coaster without a lap bar and your hands and feet outside of the car. i wish there was a way that you could have bypassed this ride all together. it is the suckiest ride out there. i so wish there was a way…
(((hugs)))
happy 21/52 to miss madeline.
I agree – fuck blood clots. OMG, Madeline is getting SO big – and gorgeous! International baby!
I’m sorry you had to deal w/ some a-holes at the airport but I’m glad to hear the traveling went well. It does look like a beautiful part of the world. It must be so hard for you–I ca’t even imagine–but you and Madeline are a great team and things will get better with time. You’re doing an amazing job w/ her!!
Not getting upset about the ticket – thats the thing about having already experienced the shittiest of shit, nothing else matters. For me it’s lasted 8 years. Who gives a fuck about anything like not having the correct plane ticket or who wins the Olympic Gold medal, such bullcrap.
“fuck blood clots
and fuck death.”
I laughed out loud as my eyes filled with tears from the sadness.
Me too brother! Can we add fuck placque that comes off vessels and travels to the heart!
Like the other Canadians that have posted…I also found it funny that you heard a strong Canadian accent here in Calgary. But, on my past travels into the States people have been able to tell that I’m from Canada…so I guess there has to be some sort of accent that we have! Just never thought of it that way.
Love seeing the pictures from your trip here so far…totally cool seeing you & Maddy in our city & beautiful Banff.
Your strength is truly inspiring, I’m sorry you have to experience all of this without Liz, but I am glad that you are living life to it’s fullest and creating such beautiful memories to share with your beautiful Madeline.
Eventually you’ll be able to enjoy those moments, but it’ll take a whole hell of a long while–longer than you’d like to think. And even then, you’ll still have times where you’re more aware of it, and some where you don’t even think about it. But it never sucks any less; it just gets less painful, as you’ve gotten used to it. Or at least that’s been my experience.
Christmas, Anna’s birthday (because Charley died before he ever got to see a single one of ‘em), other holidays, vacations, special events, and even totally mundane nothing-special events: I still gets pangs or thoughts of how wrong it is that Charley isn’t there, how much I miss him, how it never feels right. It’s not as consuming, painful, or everwhelming as it was that first year or so, but it still sucks. At three years.
I’m kinda surprised about needing the death certificate for Maddy. To get the passport issued, sure, but to travel? I’ve never needed anything for Anna when traveling, but then again, our only time going international was on a cruise, not a flight, so maybe that was different. I didn’t even think to take the death cert. to Florida for the cruise, but I never needed anything for it so it didn’t matter.
I did, however, take the death certificate when I went to Canada for my first wedding anniversary after Charley died, about 5 months after he died. Passports weren’t required yet for Canadian travel, but I took my passport (which I’d gotten for our honeymoon to Jamaica, so it had my maiden name), my marriage certificate, and his death certificate to cover all bases. Or wait. Maybe I didn’t take the death cert…can’t remember. Anyway, the customs person got more than he expected when he asked how many were in my party (just one, me); I’d told him I was married because of trying to explain the passport with the wrong name, so the man “joked” if I was trying to take a vacation to get away from my husband. “Not really,” I said, “seeing as he DIED four months ago.” Needless to say, the man didn’t say a damn word after that and couldn’t get me out of his line fast enough.
But I always wondered if he was occasionally a bit more careful about what he joked to passengers after that…. =)
Looking forward to hearing about the rest of your trip, and how you survived your wedding anniversary….
I KNEW i saw you! I was at the airport picking up family. I wanted to stop and say something, but I didnt know what to say. I also saw Krissy a few weeks ago in New York. How awesome. Your such an insiration- so real and open. I love your blog, and your girl? a masterpeice. I hope you had a good experience up here!
Hi Matt,
A friend of mine linked me to your blog today. I’m in tears. My heart aches for you and little Madeline.
I gave birth to my own Madeline almost 3 years ago. 5 days after she was born, I ended up in the ER and subsequently in the CCU for 5 days. Once I was better, and home, it hit me hard thinking about what could have happened if …
You sound like a wonderful father, and Madeline is just a doll. You are both in my thoughts.
Hey Matt,
Love the pics of Canada. Maddy is getting so big these days ang gorgeous as ever.
I know what it is to lose my Dad and Mom… 2 brothers… a grandma and a niece… but not my soulmate. I can only imagine it’s hard as hell… but just look over at Maddy when you are having those hard moments… she is a part of Liz that will be in your lifetime… you and Maddy will make your memories and then you can share with Maddy all of the memories you and Liz made.
Stay strong! You’re doing great! Can’t wait to hear more about your trip and see more pics. Thanks for sharing your life and Maddy with us! xo
Once again your photography is beautiful!
Meredith
What is “banff”? That photo is beautiful. It looks very lovely there.
Madeline is becoming quite the traveler!
Have a safe trip and SLEEP, even if only for a little.
Fuck death.
Too right.
And fuck the asswipe airline staff too.
I wish I knew what to say…. I’m just sorry.
Happy 21/52 Miss M!!!
Matt, I wish I had words…
FUCK BLOOD CLOTS AND FUCK DEATH!!!!
Always gotta look for the silver lining — if those “customer service” (ha!) reps hadn’t been so busy, they probably would have had a chance to take note of the myriad of ways you’re endangering Madeline by dressing her wrong, carrying her wrong, feeding her wrong, etc, and you would have had to listen to lots of helpful pointers before getting your ticket.
Then you’d have had to sock somebody and would probably have missed your flight as a result. So see? In that light, their cold-heartedness was a godsend that saved you thousands in legal fees and hassle!
Okay, I admit, it’s a stretch, but I wanted to offer something. I get the feeling you’re going through a particularly bad patch. Grief can be such a bitch that way — tricking you into thinking it’s loosening its grip a little, then out of nowhere waterboarding you again, to where you can’t catch your breath and think you’ll drown in it. It does dial down again…but it’s still torture. (No matter what the dick in Washington says. Er, I mean the Dick.)
But that doesn’t compromise the awesomeness of 2008:2 — that would be impossible, given that it still has you and Madeline, and that fabulous ring of family and friends of yours, in it. Happy WeekBirthday, Madeline!
no words… just a lot of prayers.
hug miss madeline extra tight today!
fuck that airline, too!
i was gone for the weekend, and glad i came home to a new post! thanks!
ps. i was browsing through your flickr, and the pictures are just so so so awesome!
I’m sorry for the shitty agents and all that other shit.
Here’s something that really moves me about this though, that you’re still doing things with HER family. I’ve gotta say that I don’t think my husband would do much with my family if something happened to me. He barely tolerates them now. I think it’s just wonderful that you all are so close.
Matt your words are so real for our family. Our 2 year old granddaughter spent Sunday with us. Her mom, our daughter, Megan passed away in April from cancer. It is so hard to know that they are missing out on all the special moments that we share with her little Ella. Our hearts are broken like yours. I don’t know if we will ever heal from our loss. Megan, like Liz, was so loved.
God bless both of you and maybe Megan & Liz are friends watching over their families from up above. Joan Tolsma, SD
i’m new to your blog. i’m glad you didn’t have to show Liz’s certificate. Madeline is beautiful.
Silvana
My heart breaks for you. You are amazing, I don’t know if I could do it as well as you do. Fricken amazing is what you are.
Fuck it, indeed.
I’m just so sorry for you and Maddie.
Liz sounds awesome.
fuck blood clots is right. madeline is a beautiful baby. i am so very sorry your circumstances are what they are, but madeline is in wonderful hands.
I know it’s not the same but you have part of Liz with you forever in madeline.
Madeline is just beautiful.
I wish I had some comforting words. It breaks my heart that Liz will miss her daughter’s life. You’re a wonderful father, and I have no doubt that Madeline will grow up knowing exactly how special and amazing her mother was.
your post made me cry…I can’t imagine what you are feeling. and to think, I am having a rough patch in my marriage…you don’t have your liz by your side. what am I complaining about??
Not much to say today except you have a very cute daughter! I love her different expressions….adorable!
Amy
You are completely right. Fuck death and fuck blood clots and fuck the shitty parts of life!
I’ve been reading you for a couple months now. A friend of mine told me about your site and the details of Liz and Madeline and I thought to myself, “Why on earth would I want to read something like that?” but curiousity got the best of me and well, now I can’t stop reading.
You are a beautiful writer and photographer and you’re taking quite possibly the shittiest situation ever and trucking on. I admire you.
xoxo.
My heart is breaking for you as I read today’s (last week’s) blog. Not knowing what else to say as I don’t know what would help…*cyber-hug* to you and Madeline during such an emotional week (I guess every week is, though). Hope you had enjoyable memories with your family in Banff together, such an amazing place. Take care (stranger) friend. **hugs**
I am so very sorry that you and Madeline lost your precious Liz. I too lost the one I loved, and cherished, but I also lost my daughter by him. My daughter was born and died in the same days was very heartbreaking, and then 4 days later I lost my husband, my soul mate, my everything. Please cherish your daughter as you have thus far, and never forget the wonderful gift that Liz left you and your family, your darling daughter Madeline. I would love nothing more than to look into the eyes of my child and to see my Eric. I read your blog several times a week, and my heart is with you always. May your pain lessen within the days to come.
Madeline is gorgeous as always…i like the “give me the food already” look.
I can only begin to imagine how hard it must be to experience all the special moments without your wife.
Thanks for the update, great pictures as always.:)
p.s> Forgot to say, its so pretty in Canada!
Ugh, it’s so hard to think of your Liz missing out on these amazing experiences. You’re doing a kick ass job Matt. Can’t believe all that Maddie is experiencing in her first few months. What an amazing childhood she is going to have. You rock. Enjoy your time in Banff.
I have been following your blog for a couple months now and it is really cool to see you in Canada! I live 1.5 hours north of Calgary and have been to Banff many times. I find it funny that you heard ‘eh’ so quickly and found a Canadian accent so early in the trip.
I love the picture of Maddy ready for the bottle, and even though we’ve never met, to me she looks so much like her mother. That must give you so comfort.
Matt,
I have no words of wisdom for you. Just wanted to say that you and Madeline are in my thoughts and prayers. My heart truly aches for you… *big hug*
I’ve been following your blog for about a month now and decided I should leave a comment! Your story breaks my heart. You are doing such a wonderful job raising your daughter. She is beautiful! I know that Liz is looking down on you both and not missing one precious moment. Really sucks that she’s not here physically. Thanks for sharing your life with us. I love all the pictures!
Matt, I’m so sorry that Liz can’t be there too. Every time I read about your latest adventures I think about how torn you must feel. You have such an amazing group of family and friends around you, but it’s not the same as having Liz by your side. I’m thinking of you and Maddy and continue to be so impressed with what a great dad you are. Happy 21/52 to Miss M today. Hope it was a good one.
I hate them too Matt. God bless you and Madeline.
Matt, I’ve got nothing except to say that A)Banff is pretty dang close to me and B) I just found your blog, and I am speechless, and I am heartbroken for you, and I think you’re an amazing guy.
I’ll be lurking in the shadows, for sure.
Oh Matt, I’m sorry you can’t enjoy these special moments as much as you would like to. I hope someday you will feel that you have true happiness again.
Madeline is getting cuter and cuter every day!
No words.
Just head shaking, shoulder shrugging and tear filled eyes.
Asalamalaykom,
@em
I like your attitiude.
@lopez
We have simmilar thought processes.
Matt, alhumdulillah you and Miss Madeline arrived safely in a beautiful place. Or was it that you arrived beautifully in a safe place?
It is truly so tempting to say the “What if” about the life that you dreamed.
“Lo ma Shaytan,” is what Arabs say, which means, “If,” is with the Devil”.
Why? When we keep thinking of what isn’t, we can’t really be fully grateful for what is.
It is hard on me to travel wearing hejab on my head. I scare many fellow travelers (unintentionally of course). On the other hand, I’ve gotten harrassed so badly while flying that the flight attendants told me I could press federal charges against the ignorant teens threatening me and my toddler. I decided against having an emergency landing.
OK, that’s me BUT I’m glad I’m not dealing with what you’re dealing with. You’ve got it tough. Tougher? I don’t know. Comparisons don’t really serve us. God didn’t give me the strength to deal with your situation. I do have faith that God gave me enough strength to deal with my issues/challenges/journey.
And when I am feeling like I’m looking at the world from the bottom of the well, please remind me of what I just said.
seriously? a “thick” canadian accent??? so bad that you couldn’t understand? sigh.
Dear Blood Clot –
You are a fucking asshole.
Love, Everyone.
Hey Matt!
Glad to hear that you had a great time in Banff! Looks like the weather was great for you! I’m assuming the ‘thick’ Canadian accent was probably french… There’s a lot of frenchies… and Auzzies for that matter, in the Banff and surrounding areas! Oh how I miss that drive that you did, those mountains, it truly is beautiful!
My heart breaks for you and Maddy. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for the two of you. Your right, Liz would have loved to be here, and share in these moments with you, Maddy, and your family, but I’m sure Liz loves the fact that you’re being such an amazing father to Maddy! You’re doing such an amazing job! You’ve got smiling beautiful proof! Keep it up and make Liz proud!
Matt,
I am so glad you didn’t have to whip out the “certificate” and hope that helped you just a bit. I am so saddened Liz is not with you (in body)to experience these moments, yes life can really suck and seems alot of us just take it for granted. I love how you don’t let the little shit get to you anymore. I need to learn that from you, not the way you learned it though.
I love your photos and looks like Ms Maddy had a nice flight once daddy got that formula in her. I hope you and Maddys trip in the banff is a wonderful one. Now, after listening to a few of those Canadians hey, we won’t sound so “fargo” down here in the MN! Enjoy your trip!:)
Matt, I’m enjoying the photos you’ve posted on flickr. It’s not the same without Liz, but you and Maddy are living the moments for her. Liz must be very happy if she knows how you’ve managed without her.
I’m sorry for your loss. Death sucks big time. Seven months ago I lost my son just before he was due. I still have my husband and you still have Madeline but death wasn’t in the plan. Sure we expected it to come eventually, maybe 50, 60, 70 years down the road. We never planned to bury our child. Liz never planned to miss out on Madeline’s life- or your life together. I’m sorry for the lifetimes of moments we’re both missing out on.
Matt,
I too hate death. i know the feeling. i see moms with their newborns and see my husband looking at babies and i hate the fact that both our little girls are dead. they shouldn’t be. i should not have had to give birth twice and have nothing to show for it. it’s not fair that Liz carried her child and never got to even hold her. when i recall this it really breaks my heart. as cliche as it is what does not kill you does make you stronger, but more so, if this grief and shit luck did not kill us, it’s because there is more to live for. you need not look beyond the precious bundle strapped to your chest, to know what you have to live for.
i’m still holding on for my little reason(s).
hugs,
J
Hi Matt,
My heart breaks for you. Please know that you have (strangers) friends around the world cheering both of you on. You are an amazing father and an inspiration to us all.
big hugs from the east coast…
so, that was totally worth the read ….absolutely flawless writing. So, so, sorry
Matt – you are such a talented photographer! WOW!
I’m so sorry that you spent this third anniversary of your wedding without Liz. That sucks. Good for you for making a plan to have happy memories of the day despite that fact. You have got to know that Liz is so proud of what a great dad you are – someday, when Maddy can tell you – she’s going to tell you how proud she is of you, too!
Hi, Matt. I “stumbled” upon your site. I have a 5-month old and I don’t even want to pretend that I could ever imagine where you’re at now.
I just wanted to say that your photos are beautiful, as is Madeline.
Well I am officially a crazy person. Not only have I spent many sleepless nights worrying about you guys and reading the blog. I have actually saved a couple of your unforgettable pictures in a file called Matt and Maddy. (First time commenter and long time reader).
Here is the synopsis of the stages I have gone through;
1. Shock and Awe with Tears rolling onto the key board.
2. Numbness and swirling memories of people I have lost.
3. Complete concern about you not getting enough sleep and worried that the pressure of the blog was encouraging your insomnia.
4. Feeling relieved when you started to get better, and feeling affection for the most lovely baby ever. (Liz would be so proud.)
5. Resisting the urge to give you my (social worker and educator and mom) theories on why, despite the fact that you are grieving and exhausted, that your baby is incredibly content and relaxed- they are little satellite dishes and pick up on the psychic energy around them-so much LOVE)
6. Back to concern about some of the more extreme characters who post-Goat lady? But hey, all these players come into your life to fulfill a purpose. Maybe they help you vent the anger you must feel. It can’t be all warm and fuzzy all the time. You know by now that poop happens (at the most inopportune times).
7. Reading blogs to my mother-in-law and explaining to my kids who’s cute baby that is..
8. I knew I resisted posting for so long because it is impossible to remain brief at your situation and I have felt guilt about you having (or even being tempted) to read all of this.
Resisting the urge to send advice when I became concerned about the lack of hats on Maddy…you eventually managed ?. The moral of this being…nobody is perfect, we all find our way and get the hang of it in the end. You are going to be fine!
9.Happiness at the Canadian travel therapy you are getting and laughing at your observation about the strong Canadian accent sounding like the MN. (The first time I saw Fargo I thought they were making fun of us Canadians!)
Any way just delete this…it’s too long anyway and Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I hope you get more than you give to all of us.
Be Well,
Jen
Canada looks beautiful, I love the photos of Lake Louise – and that teahouse – how cute is that? Little Miss Mads looks like her Mom. I guess that’s a wonderful blessing amongst your sadness.I am sorry that you had to experience the emotional torment of an anniversary that will never be as joyful as it once was.There will be more I am sure, but with your resolve I am sure you will find ever more creative ways to make it through them. Kudos to you and devine Miss M. All the way from Australia xx
Wish I’d read this earlier. Welcome to Alberta from a born and raised Calgarian. Had to laugh at the Canadian accent part. You must have run into someone from eastern Canada who has been transplanted here in Calgary. Those accents are thick even to the rest of us, but I wouldn’t necessarily call them Canadian. We don’t all say “eh” either, although I do over-use Dude quite a bit. And of course in Banff the only accents you’ll hear are Aussie, German, French etc. from the kids who all flock to our little mountain town to play and find hospitality jobs to pay for their recreational endeavors. The photos are stunning, and seeing it thru fresh eyes, and your camera lens made me appreciate the natural beauty of my home once again. Was just in Banff last night, and to know today that you have been there so recently makes your grief and loss seem exponentially more poignant to me as the reality of you and Madeline becomes solidified in my mind. Everything aside, I hope you created some beautiful new memories to replace some of the more miserable ones. You’re doing a kick-ass job.
Hi Matt, I have been a silent reader and decided that I better say something to let you know yet another person is out there in this world thinking of you. Your story is something I hold so close in my heart. I had a blood clot in my brain 6 years ago now and the day that my body actually started to shut down and my doctors thought I was dying was 03.25.02. I am completely healed now and wish more than anything that Liz had the same outcome. I think about you and M often.
On a much lighter note…I think you are an amazing photographer! I love seeing all of your gorgeous shots, my favs of course are of M. She is too adorable. You are such a wonderful father and I know you hear that often, but whats once more. Take care and know you have 1 more friend in this world!
There is always some form of horse picture (just for me!) on any blog/site/album. BAM! Found it!
Hey Matt, which lens did you use for your outoor shots? Your color is great too, you just goofing with it or are you on auto mode? Amazed how many places you and Liz had been!
Getting introduced to your blog on a long weekend is a great way to procrastinate from doing work!
I was in Banff around the same time you were, crazy small little world. I didn’t get to stay long, but we woke up early so we could drive through and watch the sun rise over the mountains on our way to Calgary to meet a friend. Stopped by the Banff Springs Hotel and along a stream to take some pics of the beautiful ice blue water. A gorgeous place that I really wish I had stayed longer at to explore during my road trip.
I don’t know if you have been before, but if you get a chance, visit Glacier National Park in Montana. It took my breathe away, and I got to jump into a watering hole of freezing glacier water, haha!
30+ pages down, only 21 more to go until I am all caught up on your daily happenings.