(still a week behind).
so, the question has
been asked,
“why are you in banff?
well, wednesday august 13th
would have been wedding
anniversary #3.
wanted to get the fuck
out of town.
didn’t want to be in
the mn
(that’s where we got married)
and didn’t want to be
in the ca
(that’s were we lived and dreamed)
if you remember,
not long after
liz
died i got a call
from united telling me
that our flight to the hawaii
had been changed.
i had no idea
liz had booked the trip.
had a major
freak out and decided that i’d
postpone that trip and
schedule something for 8/13,
knowing that i was going
to hate that day.
we were gonna go
to the hawaii.
been there 5 times
with her
don’t think i need to
again without her,
so i decided that we
should go somewhere else.
talked to her parents,
and we agreed on the
following parameters:
*a place outside the u.s.
*a place to which madeline could travel without any further vaccinations (she’s not quite ready for a typhoid shot so india was out).
*a place none of us have ever visited (again, india was out ’cause i’ve been there 5 times).
grandma candee talked
to her travel agent,
and banff it was.
so here we are.
it’s cold,
it’s raining and
it’s august.
this shit just doesn’t
compute for a baby
who lives in the so. cal
and has never been in
cold weather,
but i love it.
so. cal. is too damn
hot this time of year.
that said, i
don’t want madeline
to get sick
during birthday week 20/52,
so we decided on a bus tour
of some spots
around the banff.
dressed her up
so she would stay warm.
the outfit she wore
was cobbled together
from the small pile
of cold-weather clothes
that actually fit her.
that explains the
totally rad, totally clashing
patterns that caused
her to question
her father’s fashion sense sanity.
jumped on the bus
and headed to bow falls
where i realized that
i can take totally awesome
self+madeline portraits with my
new lens.
(you’ll be seeing lots of these).
next stop:
cave and basin national historic site.
saw some awful-smelling, but
beautiful hot springs.
madeline cried about something.
we looked for,
then found some of the snails.
that prevented us from
jumping in the hot spring.
(there are a few hiding in the photo).
then we met some friends
and madeline calmed down.
then it was back on the bus
to our next destination:
a little spot overlooking
the banff springs hotel.
jumped back on the
bus and headed to tunnel mountain
where we stared at
some beautiful things
while madeline enjoyed her lunch.
(same shot as above, just taken with the super sampler).
then it was a drive
down the road
to a spot with
some wildlife
madeline loved
looking out
at stuff like this
from the big windows
of the tour bus.
(no seat belts on the bus = no car seat on the bus…again. no shit for this, please).
after seeing all of this,
i think
madeline now wants
to move to the banff.
bus tour almost
over, we made one more
stop…lake minnewanka.
then it was back
to our condo so
we could get cleaned
up for dinner.
got a restaurant recommendation
from someone at the condo.
later heard multiple reports
of the restaurant’s dubious past.
interesting…
madeline slept while
we enjoyed a great meal.
after dinner we enjoyed
the extra daylight
and walked a little bit
before heading
back to the condo.
a good day with
lots of distractions.
tomorrow.
lots of stuff planned
as we get closer to wednesday.
good.
i could use all the
distractions i can get.
166 Comments
dude,
the “wide eyed” picture of madeline reminds me of one of the little rascals… too funny. was in banff myself last year at this time backpacking. its a place everyone should visit at least once….
Banff looks cool… reminds me of Scotland a bit.
Madeline is so incredibly cute. But you already knew that.
Hey, I guessed right about why she had that wide eye look on the bus! Yay for me :O) Do I get a prize or something?
My MIL is in Banff right now too. I’m so jealous of all these beautiful pics being sent my way. Will have to add Banff to my long list of must see places.
PS-can’t believe you’ve been to India 5 times!! How many frequent flyer miles do you have? Wowza!
i’ll second the dude part of dan’s message…and just say…thank you
the sampler shots are awesome. banff looks just as awesome….i might have to visit there someday. thanks for sharing and it looks like madeline had a stellar first-outside-the-us trip! her outfit was right on and made me pine for cooler weather (even up here in minnesota where it’s been hot & muggy, much like southern CA i bet…) peace during this week 21…
Beautiful photos.
I absolutely love her outfit, hodge podge or not.
Good thing those snails were there, I’d have wanted to get in that water no matter how hot. Iceland and it’s massive hot springs is the place of my dreams.
Madeline is more beautiful by the day and you my friend look just a tad bit less weary by the day.
Be well.
Madeline is so adorable in ALL of these, but especially the wide-eyed one. So envious of all the incredible sightseeing. Need to add Banff to my must-see places as well.
Love the picture of you two in the bus window’s reflection. Looks like a really fantastic 20/52 birthday for Madeline.
Looks beautiful there! I’ll spend the rest of my day trying to find those snails
HOLA Matt
Buen dia
Following your parameters….could be Argentina next time?
Wishing you a smooth day
Besos y abrazos
S
Yes, Madeline’s outfit is totally rad. The only place in Canada I’ve been to is Toronto, but from your photos, Banff sure looks like a beautiful place to visit! Glad you had a good Monday.
You both look wonderful, the cold is obviously good for you, well better than the heat anyway! I hope the rest of your trip is as peaceful and relaxed. Canada is top of my places-I-must-visit list so I am loving the photos.
Keep on keeping on, you are doing great. xxx
Well that explains the Banff, and you have opened up a whole new place for a bunch of people (and a beautiful place at that). I still like Maddy’s outfit, as hodgepodge as it is, but she could make a paper bag look cute.
You got married 4 days before me
;0)
I quite fancy a hat like Madeline’s…
wow Banff is beautiful! I love Madeline’s outfit. I think it looks great. I would dress my daughter in the same outfit (if i had one) But, I have no fashion sense and can hardly dress myself, so my feelings about attire are probably not to be trusted, though I think Madeline would look cute in a paper sac. My poor son is hardly ever in perfectly matched clothing.
Your next trip should be to Brazil. I’d be happy to show you around. (Plus it would a great excuse for me to get out of NJ and see my family in Rio de Janeiro) Maybe Sol can *hop* over from Argentina too.
hugs from NJ,
erica and Landon
Absolutely Amazing! I want to go! Madeline’s wide-eyed photo is my new favorite.
Beautiful Pictures! Beautiful Madeline!
Absolutely gorgeous scenery, Matt. I’m glad you two are having a good time. Those pics make me miss my home state of Colorado.
Long time lurker, first time poster. I just wanted to say the pics of Miss M are awesome, you will be so happy to have them later on. My son is 1.5 years old and I wish I had more pics of his first year. Glad to see the both of you are doing so well.
Take care,
Kris
Happy 20w b-day, Madeline! Beautiful photos of the two of you in beautiful Banff – amazingly beautiful! Love the outfit and the socks are adorable! So, this trip to the cold was just a primer for the beautiful MN fall — less the thick Canadian accent, eh?
I told the husband I wanted to go to Canada because your pictures made it look so beautiful. He is not so sure as his idea of Canada is roughing it in the wilderness with no humans or electricity and mine is hotels and civilization with a few places to sightsee.
PS. Most school buses do not have seatbelts, and parents let their kids ride them everyday. And city buses (at least in the MN) certainly don’t have belts (except perhaps for the two handicapped seats). So no need to explain the bus seating situation to us!
What a beautiful place!
Asalamalaykom,
I am so happy that you know yourself so well. Many people would try to stuff their emotions. Even if they were to acknowledge them, they wouldn’t know what to do with them. You know and “to thine ownself be true,” as someone smarter than me said.
I stayed in the Banff Springs Hotel before on a bus tour (with my mom; I was 12 and about 50 years younger than everybody else). Beautiful area which does make you see how small we all are.
For Wednesday…man! That’s a toughie. What do you want it to be? You have the power to make it what you want. You can’t change the past but you can construct the now. You did the ground work for Wednesday so astutely. I am really so amazed by your intuitiveness. What is the plan for Wednesday?
Mintues later…I’ve been here crying these quiet tears right now. Not big boo-hoos, but those sad realization tears.
Mr. Matt, what if all of us had a day of prayer for you and Miss Madeline?
Fellow readers, I’m sure most of you keep the Logelins in your thoughts and prayers everyday. What if on Wednesday, each one of us really set aside special time to devote ourselves to sending positive prayerful energy of love and healing?
I will, inshahallah. That will be something I can do.
For today: May God’s Greatness of Creation—from the huge indestructable mountains to the tiny, fragile baby in your arms–enliven you and refresh you and heal you.
She looks like a cute little skier girl in that outfit! Banff looks like just the distraction for you! Looking forward to more of your beautiful pictures of little Madeline and of Banff.
xoxo
Wow…that place is breathtaking.
Matt,
Such amazing pictures! That is one place I have to go visit now. Thanks for sharing. Hey, you are not allowed car seats on the buses at Disney World either,so know one should give you shit again for the bus ride!!
Take care,
Debbie
I hope I don’t get completely reemed out by any of your other readers but don’t you want to think about Liz a little on your anniversary? Maybe it’s too soon but i wouldn’t want to run away from my husbands memory should something ever happen to him. I guess I don’t know till im in your shoes but I hope you still will think fondly of Liz that day in some way. I love the pictures and Madeline looks great in her mix match!
Looking good Matt!! You and Liz are so well traveled. I have a feeling that by age 5 Madeline will have racked up many of her own frequent flier tickets (do they even do that anymore?). That new lens is pretty awesome! Can’t wait for more!
Hi Matt…Hi Madeline…
What a beautiful city…thank you for sharing.
Peace to both of you…
Still reading…
Pixie
Little Madeline is looking more & more like Liz everyday. So, so precious!!
I’ve always wanted to go to Banff. I’ve seen some tremendous pictures & yours just reiterates the fact. My husband, on the other hand says, “pppbbbbffffftttt” whenever I say Banff; I think it’s just lovely there.
Happy (belated) anniversary, Matt.
Love the photos (as always). I agree with Dan– and that is probably my favorite pic of Madeline so far!
I’m glad you had lots of distractions and I hope the rest of your days there were just as distracting.
I am sorry to hear the weather was cool for your Banff trip. I live just a couple of hours east of Banff. Its a beautiful place to visit. I love Madeline’s bus tour outfit. She is totally adorable!
Good for you for getting out of town on the ‘what would have been’ anniversary… our 8th would have been 8/6- I wish I’d left town.
We had a family trip to the Banff & the Lake Louise back in the day… it’s gorgeous up there, and I love seeing your pics.
Hope you are hanging in there okay.
My son doesn’t have any cold weather clothes, either. I love the Super Sampler shots. I have a friend that takes pictures with toy cameras, pinhole cameras, etc… It’s really cool stuff.
http://thatwasmyfoot.myexpressions.com/index.html
Wow… That is the most amazing place! Stunning! I am so glad that you where with your wonderful family. The pics are amazing!!!
Awesome photos!! Madeline looked beautiful as always, even if in a hodge podge of clothes.
Awesome pictures yet again. Never heard of Banff……until now. Looks very pretty.
Madeline’s outfit is pretty darn cute if i do say so myself, you did an awesome job.
grandma candee has a very smart travel agent. what a beautiful spot to get away from it all.
(((hugs)))
It looks beautiful there, i bet even more so at christmas time, with some snow down! Madeline as usual is beautiful
I’ve been reading your blog since you were first mentioned on Storked. You always look so at ease with Madeline in your pictures. I love how you travel everywhere with her, and you always have here in the sling thing. She seems like one easygoing baby which I attribute to you going out there and enjoying the world with her. I’m also jealous of the cute funky outfits you come up with, maybe you have a 2nd career in designing baby clothes! Hope your days are getting just a little better…you rock!!
Enhoy the weather while you can. I love the layered look of Maddy!
Madeline’s outfit is amazing and so cute! What a wonderful trip for all of you. Matt, you have no idea how fun it is for all of us to see Madeline growing every day. She is so beautiful and I agree with Seashell, you look so much better.
Love from No. 1 fan in Illinois
Did you recreate your favorite scene from Purple Rain and purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnewanka? By the way, Matt is a HUGE Prince fan. If you feel the need to sing a song, or share your favorite Prince moment, Matt would love to hear it.
Banff is beautiful! Will have to get there some day.
Your blog is morphing into a travelogue…thanks for the education about parts unknown to me. It looks gorgeous. SO glad you could get away during that challenging time…and with Liz’s family too.
We’re with you, man.
just beautiful… what a great choice of location… love the sampler…Going to check that out…
~g
Wow, it looks really pretty there! You got some amazing shots.
Madeline’s outfit rocks! She’s totally setting a standard in baby fashion!
Thanks for the Banff tour. Never been there, need to go.
I think Madeline’s mix & not match outfit is adorable. I’ll be she starts a fashion trend among the babies who’s mom’s read your blog!!!!
great pictures.
Beautiful scenery.
Beautiful baby.
Good choice on the Banff visit! I live in Calgary and I love it in Banff, isn’t Lake Louise just stunningly gorgeous?
http://www.fiveblondes.com
Banff looks awesome! And Madeline looks adorable-per usual
You should have been in Calgary this week instead. Fucking heat just won’t go away! I miss my air-conditioning.
Rain would’ve been a relief…
Those are some great pics though, I can’t wait to see some more. I think I’ve been to all those places a dozen times at least, but to see them through the eyes of someone who hasn’t is really cool, especially when that someone is only “three apples high”. She’s a sweetheart, as usual, and she’s lucky to have such a well travelled daddy.
I didn’t know Canada was so pretty, although the picture I loved the most was of Maddie on the bus looking suprised. That outfit was awesome, it made me smile and I needed a smile.
The clashing patterns are simply fashion forward and she will appreciate your daring sense of fashion in her future. Glad you guys had a safe and fun trip. Madeline is such a well traveled infant – and beautiful, too. I think my son (he’s 3) would like to join the contention for future boyfriends. ;o)
I thought she looked pretty spiffy in her peppermint stripes.
I love the shot by the wall of old timers. She looks like she’s resting her hand and on the old man’s shoulder. v
Thanks for the beautiful pictures of Banff–your photography is amazing! It’s nice to see you pulling through the tough times. Keep in mind that you seem to be blessed with great family members, friends, and of course…beautiful, healthy Madeline. Take care!
Hi Matt –
Love all the great pictures! We had already started talking about wanting to take Zoe to the Banff next summer – we are for sure going to make the trip now!
Glad you had some much needed distractions last week.
Thinking of you both on yet another Tuesday!
Take care,
Jen and Zoe
I’m glad you are diggin’ Banff! =)
It is a BEAUTIFUL place! Even more so in the winter!
oh matt!
thanks for being my daily distraction!
…and you were worried that your pictures wouldn’t turn out?!? (i knew they would!)
they’re splendid!
nbl~
p.s.
i’m in love with your self portraits..especially the ones that show your tatts!
I live not far from Banff, and I’m glad it could be healing for you.
DH and I went to CA for our son’s missed due date, and it was healing for us.
Feeling a special bond with all of your *Friends* while looking for the snails….we’re all leaning in to the screen trying to see them.
Minnewanka, Minnetonka.
Nice.
Makes me want to book a vay-cay. Love the photos today.
Time keeps on rolling by, that’s the good thing…and that’s the tough thing. Hang in there.
It is interesting to hear other people talk about a place I used to drive by every Sunday for years on the way to (Lake Louise) ski racing. I don’t get out to the mountains nearly enough these days but every time I see a great view of them I think “this never gets old”. I’m glad you chose to visit Banff with your family – I hope it is providing you with lots of distractions even though nothing could really make up for what you have lost.
I love her outfit. From far away, she looks like a little American flag
What a beautiful place to visit. You’ve gotten some great shots. Madeline is going to have some wonderful pictures of her trip with you. I hope you’ve felt distracted and have been able to have some really happy times with your gorgeous little girl.
What a beautiful place to create memories with the special lady in your life. I’m sure your first special lady was with you the entire time as she always is. Madeline is certainly lucky to have such a thoughtful caring daddy as well as a beautiful mommy (who is no doubt, proud that you are showing madeline how to make the most of what life has dealt). While I can imagine there were tears, I hope you also had some smiles thinking about your wedding day. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and pictures…long time lurker, first time poster.
Hi Matt,
I think Maddie looked adorable!! I didn’t notice any mismatch, honest.
The pictures you take of her are precious and you are looking better.
I loved the photos of the mountain. You are truly a talented photographer and a marvy dad!
Karen
@ Ben
If Matt’s stock (as an overall impressive human being) wasn’t already high enough…you add the fact that he’s a Prince fan!!!
I’m now adding Banff to my growing list of places to experience before I die. I think Matt should get a kick back from the Banff dept. of tourism (assuming there is one).
heeheehee… love the wide-eyed pic! Glad to see that your beautiful girl is enjoying her trip. Can’t wait to see pics from the rest of the week!
Madeline would be adorable in a burlap sack. Love all of the pictures, the Banff looks amazing. You have an amazing support system in all of your friends and family, and Madelin, I am glad you were able to lean on them to get through last week.
Love the Banff. Love the pic of Madeline with the big, beautiful eyes.
Glad that you made the trip up to Canada to visit. Hope the weather was a little nicer further on in your trip and you enjoyed you all enjoyed yourselves. You and the beautiful Madeline are always welcome this side of the border!!
Banff looks beautiful. I like Maddy’s outfit. I think you have a great fashion sense for her.
I often wonder how Liz’s parents cope. I can’t conceive of losing a child, but how lucky that they have you, Matt (not to mention the cutest little girl). I can only imagine how much you mean to them.
As you’ve just endured — and I hope, at least for some moments, found a way to enjoy?? ( my fingers are crossed for you on that one) — the dreaded 8/13, I’m hoping that today (another Tuesday) passes that much easier.
It’s all relative I guess — an annual groin kick here, a weekly gut punch there…next week it all gets even muddier, with the 25th falling on a Monday. Life’s like that, I guess — the good and bad moments blend together more and more over time, to where you can’t foresee just which will rule any given day, no matter what the association. You have to show up to find out, be open to surprises, and accept that what you bring with you counts.
(Wow. Unbelievable how pompous I can be this early in the day, talking about shit I know nothing about, isn’t it? At this rate, I’m going to be really insufferable by dinner time…)
Anyway, I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this too, but your kid’s fucking totally adorable and you take really purty pictures.
Wow, I love this blog – first you introduce me to some great music that I would have never thought to listen to. And now, a new place to travel to. The Banff looks absolutely beautiful and your pictures as always are great!
Looking forward to hearing about the rest of the trip.
Thinking of you and Madeline today in the mn…
Oh what a beautiful place to visit. I have never heard of banff, so thank you for sharing your trip with us. Your trips have inspired me to venture out more and enjoy my local surroundings.
And I love Madeline’s outfit. She looks beautiful, and I couldn’t help but think of american flag when I saw her outift.
Hi Matt,
) Big hugs and happy 20 week birthday Maddy.
I love the pictures as always. The one of Maddy’s eye’s wide open is priceless. I love the way you dress her. The new lens is awesome, how does it do that? I’m so glad that you are having a good time and able to get your mind off of wednesday. I don’t think you can ever forget that day but i think it’s great that you are out of town and able to do something fun. Thank you for being my break in the day. I love reading your posts each day, they always make me smile.
I agree, Maddy looks rad in her stripes and skulls.
A-mazing photos, as per usual. Maybe Maddy was crying about the smell of the hot springs?
God I fucking hate asshats!!………sigh.
Fucking Ben, you crack my shit up. Feel free to keep letting us in on the little ‘secrets’.
Matt, if I were in your shoes, I would have acted the exact same way. Getting away from the reminders, yet still honoring the date and person related. I spent a day in the mountains on my EDD as I wanted to get away from the places I visited when pregnant. And not a moment went by that day that I didn’t think of my daughter. And for anyone to tell you “but don’t you want to think about Liz a little on your anniversary? Maybe it’s too soon but i wouldn’t want to run away from my husbands memory should something ever happen to him. I guess I don’t know till im in your shoes but I hope you still will think fondly of Liz that day in some way” IS JUST FUCKING STUPID. Asshat.
Cheers,
Fuck the other Jill, Louise, etal, tuesdays, death and BC’s.
Go Pork.
I’ve never even heard of Banff which made me realize how much more I don’t know about this big ol’ world. Dang…I *don’t* know everything…I seriously need to *get out* of the U.S. (and not go to Mexico this time) and see stuff. How fun was it to say (and yes, I said it outloud) “Minnewanka”? Minnewanka…Minnewanka…Minnewanka…also fun to type!
Your babes is *such* a good traveler. And sleeper. What the heck? My girls are 7 and 5 and they *still* don’t sleep that good.
It’s obvious baby girl didn’t like those stinky snails…
Okay…I’ve typed enough. Except this…it’s flipping beautiful there…how did you *ever* leave?
Banff looks amazing. I still thinks it’s just wonderful that you are so close to Liz’s family. It’s so great that you guys can be together through all this.
Prince? Seriously? Wow, Prince, the ostrich…
Prince?…..now THAT’s music …..and on the carseat business?……half of us commenting never sat in one and turned out just fine……our mothers blew smoke in our faces and we watched too much tv….BFD…..;)
I’m glad you’re managing to have a good time despite it all. I live near Banff – love it there. Jasper is amazing as well.
I’m so glad you and Madeline got to see Banff. And I was really looking forward to seeing your pics and you didn’t disappoint.
Love the pics, I really really want to go to the Banff. The self pics makes you look like you have arms as long as Shaq!
PS – A recent study by Pork INC. revealed that eating bacon makes you realize what date it is.
Oh, Ben. Ben, Ben, Ben. Let me guess…Matt loathes Prince and would vomit if he heard another Prince song…? Would throw himself off the nearest bridge if he had to sit through “Purple Rain”…?
I’m currently picturing you sitting back with your hands tented a la Montgomery Burns, with an “E-e-e-xcellent” hissing out of your pursed lips, while you envision thousands of blog readers inundating Matt with Prince lyrics, pictures, concert memories, Minneapolis sightings…
@Sunshine: I did the same thing with Minnewanka. Funny stuff.
Matt,
I am SO glad you are there. And that you are with Grandma candee and Gradmpa Tom, and awesome auntie Deb. Banff is incredible. Thinking of you all…..
you are all on my heart.
Tami
@ Jen…I’m not going to “ream you out”…but please don’t tell anyone how to grieve.
I think your trip was a fabulous idea and to spend it with your inlaws is so very special. They seem like the most amazing people. I love your pictures as always.
Happy 5 months Maddie!!!
Ahhh Ben- you did it now. I’m having 80s flashbacks
“I was working part time in a five-and-dime
My boss was mr. mcgee
He told me several times that he didnt like my kind
cause I was a bit 2 leisurely”
Ahhh come on Matt! What’s not to love about the song Raspberry Beret? Maddie would look cute in a raspberry beret, no? I think yes :O)
Aaaah I miss it so. Miss Madeline would make a fine Canadian…and I agree, So. Cal is waaay too hot. I am in my 8th month here and I am praying for rain. Hope you got to the inside of the Banff Springs Hotel. When I was hosting a radio travel series, I stayed in the same suite where Pavarotti and Queen Elizabeth had stayed (not together!).
I like how Matt hasta say
(no seat belts on the bus = no car seat on the bus…again. no shit for this, please).
on his own freakin’ blog. Yup, that’s parenthood. You can always count on helpful comments from the onlookers. I get it everyday. “Why don’t you just do yadda yadda?” “Ooohhh, should you *really* be feeding him that?” Asshats.
xoxo
k in the n
p.s. I *luv* Ben and am making him the official lettuce in my AJ/Johnny Utah sandwich.
@ Jen – I’m pretty sure Matt thinks about his Liz every fucking minute of every fucking day. A change of scenery almost certainly wouldn’t have changed that, particuarly (I imagine) on their anniversary.
Matt,
Wow… those pics are amazing. Maddy is gorgeous as ever. Loving her outfit!
I think it’s awesome that you got to spend time with your in laws and not alone. That’s great!
Got back from Hawaii (the big Island) Friday night. Was there for a week. Had an awesome time. 2nd time to that island. Lived on Oahu for 2 1/2 yrs and went back to visit in 2002.
take care of yourself!!
@Katy-I just spit my water all over the keyboard in a fit of laughter while reading your description of Ben, aka Montgomery Burns. HA!
Wow–what a beautiful place! Those hotsprings look incredible–I’d want to jum in if it weren.’t for the snails (and the bad smell)! Madeline looks so cute in her cool weather get-ups!!
that is one seriously well traveled baby!
@danielle in MS – couldn’t of said it better myself. matt’s love for liz rings true in every post.
I have said here before, you would make anyone proud to call you son in law. I now know Liz’s parents are proud to call you “son”. Take Care
@ Ben and Katy
First NKOTB and now Prince…say it isn’t so
It may be necessary to reexamine Matt’s MN card and temporarily suspend his privileges.
Just said to my hubby today that I had a new place I wanted to visit, thanks to your photos. It looks stunning!
These milestones will probably be harder before they get easier, as they are the first ones. The first anniversary, Christmas, etc. I know when my dad died 4.5 years ago those were really rough. Then last summer, on a certain day in June, I was feeling particularly down and emotional. It took me half the day to realize that it was because it was freaking Father’s Day! And I missed my dad, subconsciously I guess.
Point is that time does ease this pain but my memories of him are still so vivid and real. I think yours always will be too.
the ladies/creeps (and ben) are keeping me in fits of laughter over here. i could give a shit about prince, but i am sitting here trying to think of something funny to say in relation to him. i need to give up, cause it ain’t going to happen.
(i can ask if anyone else noticed the crazy phallic symbol he made his guitar look like during the super bowl last year… he was standing behind a screen, so it made the arm look extra long, and well… you know. he is a little man. guess he has lots to prove. and on another topic entirely – the chappelle’s show where prince invited a bunch of folks to his pad to play basketball – HILARIOUS!)
however, i can say that i hope this tuesday sucks as little as it can. and i continue to enjoy your travels, pictures and stories… thanks for sharing.
@ Matt- loving the pictures, and thinking of you daily
@K8 in the N- you are a riot, and I wouldn’t mind having some of that sandwich… but I wouldn’t share if I were you!
As I sit here reading your blog and comments, as I do every day, I suddenly feel a mixture of emotions.
#1 I hate that my name is Jill when I post here because the other Jill is a fucking moron. She’s ruined my name on this site!
#2 Really really sad that some of uour lurkers – strangers – stalkers have taken it upon themselves to park their butts in the middle of your grieving blog and have decided that while they intrude on your life that somehow it’s okay for them to do more than simply support you. You should not have to explain to anyone that you cuss on your blog or that your daughter is wearing clothes that don’t match or pants UNDER the onsie instead of over it, or to tell people to back the fuck off when Maddy isn’t in a seatbelt or in her carseat. This is YOUR blog. These are YOUR photographs, taken when YOU see fit to take them… you shouldn’t have to explain! Those lurkers – stalkers – fuckers – need to realize that you didn’t ask for this in your life and you are doing the best you can, which from my view-point is a pretty damn good job! You also didn’t ask for us lurkers-strangers-new friends to follow your every move and check your blog on a day-to-day basis either… so come on PEOPLE! Give the guy a break! We are lucky to be able to check up on him, and we should consider ourselves VERY lucky that he allows us to comment at ALL.
#3 Very happy that you are getting out of the house and looking for “firsts” for you and Maddy, even if they are hard firsts without Liz.
#4 LOVING Maddy’s outfit. I think it looks GREAT!
#5 Very sorry for your loss overall and yet so happy for Maddy that she has such a wonderful dad who didn’t just sit down and give up.
We all love you and Maddy like you are family!
Now I must get back to work…. or lurking on someone else’s blog!
Thanks for sharing your life with us!
The outfit totally works. If you want clashing, wait until she starts picking out her own clothes, which for my daughter was at 16 months.
@ everyone…
as always, thanks for the support.
if you think ben is funny, you should meet his daughter (age 5). he steals his best material from her.
for the record, like leigh in the sav, i only love this version of prince.
damn work computer—won’t let me watch the video above. guess i’ll check back later from the home computer!
anyway—i agree that the banff dept of tourism should be giving you a kickback. we’re now looking at taking a vaca there like the thousand others who’ve already mentioned it! looks so peaceful. hope it helped make things peaceful for you guys as well (all of you).
now, about the car seat……
kidding
KIDDING!
when my fam moved from KS to PA (back in the day), i rode on my mom’s lap in the front seat the entire way (or so i hear, i don’t remember). i turned out just fine! at least I think i’m just fine! don’t ask my family. they might say different!
can’t wait to see the rest of the banff pics. they are amazing. looks like you all enjoyed it as best you could.
big hugs from milaca (while singing raspberry beret in my head)
@ Jill from THE texas: WE LOVE YOU GIRL!
Oh Ben, Ben, Ben,
Once I read your post about Prince I had to skip down and write (who knows there are probably a ton of posts to the contrary).
I LOVE Prince!! I live about 2 miles from Paisley Park and when I drive by I always have to look . . . I have lived in Minnetonka all my life (never purified myself in the waters, but who would have wanted to do that in the waters that the very busty Apalonia did??) and have had only 1 face to face run in – I was in 5th grade (I am 33 now) and saw him and Lisa (all you other Revolution fans know who I am talking about) shopping in the grocery store.
A couple of years ago as my hubby and I were traveling from Denver back home someone stole all of our CD’s. There were about 120 in there and amongst it was my whole collection of Prince – ugh. We can’t afford to replace them all.
Anywho, I am always here for a good Prince talk if anyone needs me!
@Ben – thanks for the dirt on Matt. I would have never guessed him as a NKOTB and Prince fan.
@K8 in the N – hope you are willing to share that sandwich with all your creepy friends. Girl, you are too damn funny!!!
@ Matt – that Chappell thing is sooo funny. I have to say that when I told my husband that you went to Jessica Simpson with Liz he was jealous. Jessica is one of his “girlfriends”. Some of us have some scary and/or funny skeletons in our closet!
Hey Matt
Wallis says thanks for the shout out. She is making you a video for you as we speak, in her purple velvet suit complete with ruffled top. She’s a wicked guitar player. Did you know? We’ll make sure to get Ben in on some backup when he gets home. Should we put him in some of those tight ass pants for you?
We’ll see you soon
Dana, Wallis & Vaughn
Come on, everyone, give poor Jen a break. She even said she’s not trying to start a ream session.
I’m sure she’s just saying what many of you would have thought too, before reading Matt’s blog and learning what grief really looks, feels, and sounds like and not the BS “pretty” grief that we’ve been told is correct.
The truth is that he thinks about Liz all the time, regardless of where he is. Taking a trip around his anniversary is merely a way to cope, to provide a few distractions from the overwhelming grief he’d face if he sat at home, surrounded by the walls and places he knew with Liz. Being somewhere else and wanting a distraction isn’t going to keep his anniversary from being painful or keep Liz out of his thoughts; it just makes it a bit more manageable in the quieter minutes.
But then Matt already said that in his blog….
~Candice
@ “gentle” Ben –> here we said something like “not all that glitters is gold”…you know…NKOTB, Prince and Jessica Simpson…my goddess! ….Anyway, despite his musical taste…HE IS a GOOD guy!
@All my CREEPER friend’s –> You are AMAZING!
Ohhhh…where to start…
@Matt-Is your family adopting? Would they be interested in a slightly fucked up 35 year old who loves pets and babies? You all seem like such awesome people.
@K8-This is the way my mind works…my first thought was…”Who is supplying the mayo for THAT sandwich?” (What is WRONG with me????)
@Ben-I soooo can see Matt in lacey fingerless gloves and a puffy shirt….
and Jill in the TX-You nailed it girl…srsly, what is WRONG with people??? ( was laughing so hard at the “lurkers-stalkers-fuckers” part, btw-genius)….
@Fellow Creeps-love you all!
Thats all…
Matt,
Glad to see wonderful pics and hear of your travels in Banff. Lots of fun for me to see your shots of places I took photos of myself on our visit there! Did you happen to dine at the Grizzly House? It was our absolute favorite.
@Beth… you made me LOL. So true!!
I think I now want to move to Banff!
I would have never thought that, just sayin’
@ Danielle in the MS and Jill in the TX–I think I speak on behalf of all the Creeps when I say…you both are The Shit.
@Melissa in NJ:
You must be so proud. What an oh-so-witty (and bitchy and snarky) putdown you slipped in there. She sure deserved it this time — after all, she dared to…ask people to send loving thoughts to Matt and Maddy during a particularly rough time (albeit the wrong time). Can’t let shit like that slide without mockery and insult. And the best part is that it was so obvious she would be pretty embarrassed anyway that it was an extra easy shot. Score!!
It’s like a few weeks ago when you got all pissed off that people kept telling Matt they were glad he wasn’t hurt in the car accident. What boring asshats, huh? Don’t you wish they’d all just stop sending him their heartfelt good wishes already and concentrate on amusing you? I mean, it’s like they don’t even know that’s why they’re here.
Oh wait — it’s not. So please, retract your claws. Creep doesn’t have to mean bitch.
Hey Matt,
I have been reading you since, Chrissy linked to your blog and you grabbed my heart with your story of loss and love. You are doing an amazing job in a pretty shitastic situation.
I haven’t commented before but had to come our of the shadows when I realized you were in Banff. I worked there for a summer when I was in university and would have recommended that you take a visit up the Sulphur Mountain Gondola. It is the most amazing outlook in all of Canada and it’s where I worked and was blown away everyday as I toiled away in the gift shop. Anyways, if you didn’t get there, maybe put it on your list for the next visit when Madeline is looking for her new house!
Take care.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwPu96ZcV_I
@em – get a sense of humor. It was a JOKE. Unclench your butt.
not many babies can pull off the outfits that madeline wears… i love them!
beautiful pictures! love the super sampler thing, cool shots!
I have been reading your blog for months now, keeping up with everything. I have always thought to post a comment but never have. But I had to this time. I was in Anaheim with my little girl (13 months old) while you were in Banff- I am from Calgary. I just want to say that while you were in banff, enjoying the cooler weather- we were in So Cal enjoying your HOT weather. (Calgary wasn’t that cold). I hope you both (well all) had a great time- and will come back- maybe we can show you around Calgary!
My husband and I also want to say what a great job you are doing with Madeline! Just from reading this we know you are an amazing dad!
@K8 By the way~you obviously don’t know Ben if he only ranks as lettuce in your man sandwich.
You take the most amazing photos!!
You and Liz were married 2 weeks before my husband and I. I hope you made it the best day that you could. I can’t imagine how hard it was. The pictures are amazing and I think it’s wonderful that you went with her family. You are a true inspriation! You and Maddy are always in my thoughts and prayers. Maybe when we make it down to socal we can get our girls together for a playdate
Asalamalaykom Melissa in NJ,
Ya, you’re right. I’m wrong. I got the dates all wrong and sounded like a fool. Yep.
But, at least I was attempting kindness.
And I don’t think that kindness has anything to do with eating bacon as a Christian or not eating it as a Muslim. I think it has to do with wanting for another what you would want for yourself.
I’ve always wanted the best for Mr. Matt, Miss Madeline and every single one of the commentators. I still will want the best for everyone as I stop commentating.
Life is tough enough without feeling personally attacked time and again as you try to be loving, open, honest, caring, and giving.
Asalamalaykom Matt,
I guess I don’t understand the vibe that’s come about on the comment section. It’s so often an “us” versus “them”. I somehow was thinking altruistically; that we could all add to your life without attacking anyone else. You could hear it all and discern for yourself what was valuable.
However, there is such a group mentally at work that I don’t know how safe it is to write differing opinions. Ideas, as long as they are respectful, should always be shared without fear of being shut-up and shot down.
It’s one thing if you, as the blogger, feel strongly about what’s been said. You do speak up when you are so moved. It’s this whole, “We got your back, Matt,” vigilante justice that gets rolling against those who say something that isn’t welcome; or against people who aren’t welcome.
You and your family will remain with me in my prayers wherever I go and I will always ask for the ease after the hardship. May God/Allah/The Universe protect you on your journey.
@Dana in the SM: I believe you are MRS. Ben, and I therefore take my hat off to you, Madam. I’ve only seen his boots, and his sense of humor, but that’s all I need to know that you are ONE. LUCKY. LADY.
I hereby proclaim the sandwich to have 3 slices of bread, like a Big Mac.
reverentially,
k in the n
Hey Matt..
I am glad you got to see some of the beauty Of Canada..
and were able to be with people you love in a new place for a trying time..
the 13th has past now- and you may even be back at home- but I am hoping your trip was well and filled with positive experiences.
Always building new ones.. next August 13th it will not just be the day of your anniversary but also that time you were in Alberta with Madeline and she saw so many special things..
Knowing you were so close is weird!..
@Yosra:
No no no! Don’t you go away! Matt needs you, just like he needs all the voices here. This is like a really weird extended family: sometimes we all get on each others’ nerves. But we all have at heart the same goal: to help Matt thru this.
But along the way, feathers are gonna get ruffled, and personalities are gonna clash. We all just hafta suck it up.
Especially YOU, cuz I understand YOU are one of the favorite posters of someone in Liz’ family! Y’hear that, Girlfriend!? So you GOTTA stick around!
Peace Keeper & Sandwich Maker,
K in the N
Hi Matt, please don’t think Liz isn’t experiencing all these amazing moments with you. She’s right there by your side keeping watch over you and Maddie.
@ Yosra – I didn’t even think you would notice – I assure you I didn’t mean to insult you despite Em’s attempt at making it seem so.
It was a joke along the pork lines. It has been a running joke since you told Matt to abstain from Pork, sex and I forget whatever else.
Most of us found it funny.
I am all for Matt, and am sorry that Em decided to call such attention to the obscure joke that I am also sure you wouldn’t have noticed if she hadn’t had a conniption fit because of whatever wrong she perceives she has had done to her.
Yes, this blog is about Matt, his baby and his loss, and I truly apologize over the joke that yes, was at your expense, but was meant to be funny, not mean.
I think we can all agree we are here for Matt.
And again I am sorry if I insulted you, and really hope you continue commenting. Although we don’t always see eye to eye on a lot of things and I don’t always understand some of the things you say, your postings are always uplifting. And since Matt always lets your posts through he obviously likes you too!
Sorry Matt for all this banter.
Again, please accept my apology. To you specifically.
I think that Em should also apologize for making such a huge deal out of it so that people did notice.
Banff is fucking awesome. An amazing place to be, I think a wise choice was made.
And I still think she looks like a tiny pirate.
Kate “I heart sandwiches” in the Northridge speaks the truth Yosra, you have fans you don’t even know about!
Perhaps we can have a group hug and move on.
PS. @Maddy: My sister is also a Maddie (but an “ie” Maddie instead of a “y” Maddy, which I assume you are based on your pool party sign) and she dresses a lot like you did in the Banff. Except she is 18 and has full control over her wardrobe. I think you two would get along well.
@ Yosra and @ Em – Very weird, because I stopped reading comments over a week ago because I got so sick and tired of reading bitchy and snide and immature comments from Melissa in the NJ and the like. And I got tired of this attitude like, “we’re going to protect Matt by being awful to other people”. And then I let myself start reading comments today, and what do you know…a bitchy comment by Melissa in the NJ. So back to not reading them anymore. Which is sad, because I kind of miss most of the commenters and reading what they have to say. But I wanted to let you know – especially Yosra – that you shouldn’t let a few “mean girls” stop you from commenting. Please keep commenting. I don’t always agree with you, but I most always appreciate your view point. And there are a whole lot more nice girls than mean ones in the world!
Melissa in the NJ – I’ve given you some thought since a previous, much worse comment you made toward Yosra. I seem to remember you mentioning that you’re a mom. Well, think about it…would you want your kids to act the way you do? Would you want them to make “jokes” that are so destructive? Would you really want them to be the mean girls (or boys)? Think about what you’re modeling…
The accountant in me concurs with Jill in The TX.
I lurk often, but rarely comment or even read the comments. Your heartfelt words, travels, photography, and love of music just keep me coming back. That cutie pie Madeline is the real reason I can’t stay away though! She’s a doll and we have one of our own about the same age so it’s especially fun to see Madeline doing some of the same things my little one is doing. The wonderment in those bright eyes is just priceless and you capture such awesome photographs of her. It’s truly an amazing gift. Anyway I just wanted to comment to tell you how much I enjoy the blog and I so hope that the joys of parenthood won’t always have to be paired with such pain in your heart. I appreciate that you allow us to get a glimpse of your life. Your baby girl is just absolutely darling!
@Yosra
Whoa…I’m glad I happended to check back in. I often look through Matt’s comments to see what you’ve personally written. I’ve complimented Matt on his writting ability, but really have to take a moment to recognize your obvious talents. I’d hate to see you go. It would truly be a loss for Matt and the others who post here.
Umm, I dont have kids, I cant have kids Anna thank you very much, I have lost a few. By the way, if you stopped reading a week ago how did you catch this fight started by em? In contact maybe?
Matt, when I first starting reading your blog, I thought to myself…this guy looks like a Prince fan. I can see it in his eyes.
I’m nervous to hear your post from 8/13, because I can see from the build up, it’s getting harder for you as the day gets closer. All i can do is send great big ((((HUGS)))) your way. Think getting out of town was probably the best possible thing you could have done. Traveling is so healing, especially to some place you’ve never been. My thoughts, as always, are with you and Madeline.
@Jill from the Texas, your post brought tears to my eyes! I’m also doped up on drugs (middle of an IVF cycle), but still…I couldn’t have said it better myself. Matt has so many supporters, it simply amazes me.
Enough people…..
Matt~
Still here…. supporting, loving, listening and cheering you and maddy on. You are doing an awesone job with your sweet bundle. Thinking of you during this time.
let there be peace.
when you get upset, just look at this…
(it’s why we’re all here).
Ahhhh, and there we have it. The sanity check.
Thanks Matt.
adorable video …sigh
Boy, things have really gotten ugly today – at a time when Matt needs us the most…but I will say – I’m giggling at Dana because I think K8 might be right – I think she IS Mrs. Ben???
Also – I cannot bring myself to read back over all the comments but whoever said it way back up there that when we were kids we rode on our parents’ laps in the car while they smoked cigarrettes…SOO funny. And too too true! At least for some of us.
OMG – That is the cutest video ever! I love that fact that you say nothing to Maddy and she doesn’t “talk”, it’s just Maddy being Maddy…adorable!
Sorry for the pseudo Red Sox reference.
She is so beautiful. I think I heard my uterus sigh while we watched the video together, just me and the ut. Thank you for that. Perhaps that’ll be the motivation it needs to get cookin’.
::Sighing with Becky P::
hah! you should have stayed in Calgary, it’s been bloody hot here since Sat. Today is the first day it’s cooled off a bit, I’ve been roasting. Nice to see you are enjoying Banff. You should make a quick trip to Lake Louise. The lake is gorgeous. :0) I do not get to the mtns enough considering how close I live to them.
Great idea, getting out of Dodge.. Banff is beautiful as are many parts of Canada. (Says this proud BC’er.) Someday travel and bring Madeline and yourself to the lower mainland of BC.
Glad you are keeping busy and keeping on living..
Thanks for the info Ben!
Matt – Madeline’s outfit is so cute, sometimes you just have to ignore sanity and clash patterns (I love seeing little kids and babies in mismatched clothes, it makes it more fun that way). Your little girl has some of the best expressions I have ever seen on a baby
Banff is so gorgeous – I’ve been to most of the places you’ve photographed (lake louise is breathtaking) I wish I could go there tomorrow! Nice distraction, sorry you even had to escape in the first place, but glad you had a safe trip.
I also get tired of the snarky comments….very juvenille.
@ Yosra- I hope you don’t stop commenting. I always scan the comments, but look for yours in particular cause you always have something unique to write and I like that. There will always be differences between people in the world, but there should always be respect and you seem to show that well.
@Matt- cute video of your darling! She seems to really be gnawing hard on those hands. Have you put the amber teething necklace on her yet? I was very skeptical of them at first but, they really are wonderful and practically eliminate the drooling. Most of them are made in the Baltic Sea region near me….if you’d like another one, just holler.
her facial expressions are priceless…and those cheeks…delectable…
There really isn’t much in the world cuter than a content baby. The hand gnawing is great; my little one sometimes looks like she’s going to get an entire fist in her mouth.
So wonderful that you are keeping busy and that you have your little girl to experience things with. You are such and amazing father and I really look up to you for all that you have been through and how you are handling it all.
I was already toying with applying to be a canuck. You & Maddy just won me over.
What an incredible trip! Those self portraits will be loved by her one day. So precious!
@Matt–Speak for yourself. I am TOTALLY here for the catfights and drama! : )
PS That video is so fucking adorable it’s not even funny.
Little Madeline is one well traveled little beauty.
hey i live in Calgary! So seeing these pics is like being at home
I can’t believe you didn’t understand the girls accent giving you directions! Come on, we are soo not that bad
I am now reading this post 2 years after you’ve written it. Today is August 13th, it is my brother’s birthday. You remind me a lot of my brother, looks wise. Maybe it’s just the facial hair. It is also your anniversary. Your blog breaks my heart, but I cannot stop reading, you and your beautiful daughter are a wonderful waste of time. Much Love.