(close, but not quite caught up. still a week behind after this).
***saturday***
these last 1.5 weeks
have been a real blur.
the strangeness of being
in this empty
house has not yet
gone away.
less than 24 hours
after arriving here
from the banff,
we were off again,
headed to the orange county.
adam, katie and dylan
picked us up and we
headed south to visit
our buds chris and monica.
dylan and madeline hung
out together
while 5 of us
had a great night,
laughing the entire time,
recounting tales of
liz
at work and not at work.
we stayed in the
orange county for
the night.
i learned that chris
sucks at beer pong.
i’m even worse.
adam is the champion.
***sunday***
hung out until
the late morning.
monica made heart-shaped waffles.
some of us ate them.
we said goodbye
then sat in traffic
until tuesday.
well, it seemed like
it was tuesday when
we finally got home.
hung out around the
house for a few
hours, napping our
way through the rest
of the afternoon.
in the evening we met up
with cara at amoeba
(madeline and i missed new release day last tuesday).
we didn’t find
any new releases worth buying,
but we did buy
sounded new to us.
ran into my favorite
amoeba employee, who
takes such great interest
in how we both are doing
(she’s amazing…a hipster/record store employee that doesn’t hate babies!).
later we had
dinner with cara
at a mexican restaurant
in the hollywood.
maddy and i went home
and went to bed early.
***monday***
we celebrated birthday
week 21/52 by not
doing anything.
it was great.
***tuesday***
stupid tuesday.
had lunch with anya.
driving to the atwater
village, i looked down at
liz’s
odometer.
her lucky number.
i was with her over
12 years and had no
idea she had a lucky
number until she landed
in the hospital
on bed rest.
one night in that hospital room,
anya sitting with us,
she pointed out
all the 7s
that were in her life.
then she found out
she was in room #7.
she thought that
was a good
sign for madeline.
after giving birth,
she was moved to a
different room.
not 7, 17, or 27.
something else.
it doesn’t matter.
by then her fears had
subsided a bit.
madeline was out
and doing well.
i hadn’t thought
of our lucky number
discussion until i was in
liz’s
car with anya and madeline.
when i saw the odometer,
i yelled something
and pulled over.
i think anya was
worried about me.
then i pointed to the odometer.
she said something
that i’ve since forgotten.
i took a photo,
then continued driving.
we had a great lunch,
then later i stopped by
the bank.
picked up a few
more packages from strangers friends.
then we went to amoeba
again and picked up
the rest of the day
was quiet and boring.
i hate tuesdays.
***wednesday***
got a call in the morning
telling me that it
was time
to pick up my car.
i dropped madeline in
her stroller
and we walked through
the glendale,
past a phone that
that must have
delivered some bad news
.
we got to the
auto body shop to find
my car looking better
than ever,
and washed for the first time
in 11 months.
thank you, hit-and-run driver.
back in business.
i felt a little
better knowing that
liz’s
car and a whole
lot of sadness
would be parked,
but parked in
their usual spot
just outside my picture window.
now it was time for
an adventure.
i packed up madeline and
the robot and headed to
the van nuys to have dinner
with two very rad
strangers friends who
have been a significant
source of laughter
and support…
lindsay d. from the mpls.
(mother of carter the robot-drawing wonder kid)
and k8 from the northridge.
we decided that we should
meet up for some food.
we arrived at the same time
and walked from the
parking lot talking
like old friends.
we sat inside waiting
for lindsay d. to arrive,
both having a beer.
the waitress let us know
that someone called in
and paid for the round.
but who was it?
k8 solved the mystery.
it was christa from the valencia.
fucking rad.
love when people pay for
drinks from a remote location.
learned that lindsay d.
wasn’t going to be
able to make it,
so we carried on without
her, ordering some food
and continuing to talk.
after dinner it was
to the parking lot where
k8 met the love of
her life.
it was awesome to finally
meet k8 but
i must say that she
got a little handsy
with my robot.
madeline and i went home
and went to bed early,
exhausted from a
long, long day.
***thursday***
went to the anaheim
to see the twins
play the angels
for madeline’s fourth
mlb game in her
fourth different stadium.
picked up auntie angel fan
and her friend missi
and headed to the stadium.
i talked shit to the
angel fans in the car,
letting them know that
madeline’s team has won
every game for which
she’s been present.
auntie angel fan scoffed.
i bet her $5 that madeline’s
magic would continue.
we got to the
stadium and took some photos.
then we got inside
and got accosted by
some team employees handing out
the enemy’s colors.
we had a fancy dinner
(no hotdogs for these fancy ladies)
and then made our way
to our seats.
auntie angel fan
scored us some awesome seats…
5th row behind the twins dugout.
her brother the angel fan
was waiting for us.
now i’m feeling a
little outnumbered.
got some great photos
of the action
while madeline talked her
own shit.
i looked over at my baby…
she looked like she
had the spins…
i think
i know what’s about
to happen.
then she did what i
hoped she’d do…
she spit up all over
auntie angel fan’s
angels jersey.
so awesome.
if you recall, she did the
same thing last time
auntie angel fan was wearing
that jersey.
the funny thing is, madeline
doesn’t spit up all
that often.
hmmm…
after that,
madeline was very happy.
later, auntie angel fan
whisked her away
changing madeline out
of her twins onesie,
obviously hoping to
kill the luck maddy
brings to her team.
i don’t think it’s
gonna work.
i fed madeline
then, with the game
tied 1-1, auntie angel fan
pulled another dirty trick…
it didn’t work.
the twins one the
game in the 12th inning.
so, so awesome.
madeline’s now 4 for 4 and
someone owes me $5.
after the game we
took a few photos,
then walked toward the
exit.
i realized at some
point that i
left my new lens
in the cupholder
of my seat.
shit.
it has to be gone.
i ran back to my seat
and sure enough,
it was.
then i heard a guy
yelling,
“hey!”
i looked up and he
was holding my lens.
i ran up the stairs and
he handed it to me.
i said thanks,
he said,
“no problem…i don’t think you want to leave this one behind.”
no doubt about it.
nice to run into
another nice human.
caught up with the ladies
and walked out to the car.
opened up the
trunk to get something
and saw the robot staring at me.
decided that we should
do a quick photo shoot
as we waited for the
parking lot to clear out.
dropped the fans
of the losing team
off at diane’s condo
and drove home.
a great night,
a night that
liz
would have loved.
family and friends
at the baseball stadium.
so happy we’re
doing these things,
and that we have
good friends
with whom we
can share them.
***friday***
got a visit
strangers friends
jeanine from the co
and her kids
stopped by on their
way to visit some family.
they brought a
ton of gifts
for madeline
and of course
spent a little time
with the robot.
after they left
i spent the daylight hours
hanging out with madeline
while she was awake
and working on my
photo book while she
was asleep.
in the evening we caught
up with bob and anna
for a little dinner
at the soul food restaurant
in the eagle rock.
ran into another
coworker and his wife
who have a baby.
promised them that
we’d catch up soon
and that i’d shoot them
the info for the parent’s group
i hang with on tuesdays.
went home after dinner
and looked
through all the photos
i’ve taken over the past 3 years.
stayed up until 6:00am
sorting through memories.
then i thought about
anniversary #2.
i still can’t remember what
the fuck we did
when i lost
liz
i lost my
back-up memory.
it fucking sucks.
64 Comments
It does fucking suck.
Madeline is so, so adorable. But you know that.
Thanks for catching us up with the life and times of Matt and Maddy. Too bad you couldn’t freeze Liz’s odometer like that forever!!
We’ve missed you Matt. It both bums me out and relieves me when you don’t post for awhile. It’s good you’re away from the computer.
My husband is in Alaska. So I’m taking the one year old daughter to her first concert tonight all by myself. Tift Merritt, Dwight Yoakam and John Fogerty. I’m used to doing things alone with her, but I’ve never done a concert before. I’ll let you know afterwards what you’re in for!
It all changes when they don’t sit still and start having opinions.
Madeline at the game was an absolute doll.
And way to go Christa!
Nice to see some nice folk still exist.
Haven’t commented in awhile but when I realized I’d be the 4th I couldn’t pass that up! Glad you are catching up, i was having Maddy withdrawls!!!
LOVE Miss Maddy the Twins fan
glad that you are back – but also glad that you were away for awhile –
miss madeline is growing into quite a beautiful girl! you will have your hands full in 16 years (if not sooner)! have that shotgun ready!
I love these catch-up posts! ‘Specially when I’m IN ‘em!!!
It was a fucking honor to meet you, Man. You are the fucking George Clooney of Widower Bloggers. Smart, charming, gorgeous, awesome.
Thanks again!!!
xoxo
k in the n
grabber of ‘bot crotches
I’ve been reading your blog for a while now. I have a son and he was born by c-section on Tuesday, May 6th, so he’s almost 4mos. I simply cannot fathom what kind of grief you are experiencing, since I’ve never been in your shoes. Just know that I pray for you, and I think of you and Maddy often. Hope.
Paris
Wow Madeline really is a lucky charm!
She’s growing so fast, she’s such a beautiful baby! Those eyes! I agree with Jess in the Aloha…have that shotgun ready, you’ll have boys lined up for BLOCKS waiting for a date with her!!!
P.s. easy way to freeze liz’s spedometer like that forever? Pour a latte on it, thats how I got mine to freeze in place. It’s helpful if there’s a crack in the plastic divider thing, and also I’d suggest a double tall vanilla latte…thats what I used…:)
wow….humans can actually be nice to other humans. that makes me smile. so does the little cutie pie!! i was at the angels game that night too! if i would have know, you and my husband could have had a beer while i held the sweetest baby in the world.
Matt,
Glad to hear you and Maddy are doing good. Thanks for the update! Maddy is getting so big and her thighs are filling in… gorgeous! LOVE all of Maddy’s pics on flicker… Keep smiling! and take care!
I think it’s excellent that Madeline is learning to trash talk at baseball games. It’s a skill that is often overlooked, in my opinion. The pics of the baseball game are great! Sports photography is difficult and those were really great shots. Glad to hear that you and Maddy are doing ok.
Good luck tonight!!!!
You and Maddy need to move to the Mpls and get yourself season tickets to the Twins, because, MAN, she has the luck.
it does suck. Maddy though is adorable. YOu can tell she is well loved.
are you in a porta potty with the robot? awesome….and the photos of the ball game are great, too. I think it is so special that you are taking madeline to baseball games…she will look back one day and thank you. I am glad you got the lens back, too. that would have sucked had it been long gone. the fellow nice human being did good….
have a nice day, matt and madeline.
hugs and best wishes from ohio…
I’m glad to see a whole week wrap up, my kids started school this week and I have not been able to catch up on you and Maddy. It looks like you have been having a whirlwind week with family friends and “stangerfriends”
I seriously doubt the spit up on that particular jersey is a coincidence, Maddy is a smart girl, she knows that jersey is just wrong. lol
Cool that your lens was found be a nice guy rather than a self serving schmuck. The world can be a nice place to live. Can’t it?
Yay! Lots of catching up.
Madeline is looking super cute, as per usual. You’re lucky she doesn’t puke that much…I’ve developed crazy fast reflexes from having to catch copious amounts of spit up.
Liz’s odometer…wow. Glad you saw it and got a picture.
Oh, and I am really believing that what you did for your anniversary is going to pop into your mind out of nowhere.
@K8-You definitely have the most original robot portrait…look at you gettin’ fresh! Love it!
Posting from the road, courtesy of modern technology. Nothing breaks up a 7 hour drive like pics of K8 groping a robot. (and no,I am not the one driving.) I hope Madeline’s Twins magic is charged up for playoffs! I am certain we can find some baby ear plugs for the roar of the metodome!
Sending hugs from the middle of nowhere WI.
Kyle and I got a kick out of the “crapping on the Angels logo” caption!! LOL
I can’t believe you brought the poor robot in a porta potty, they are so nasty!! You need to teach him to use the woods!!
Glad to see an update! Maddie is so well travelled. Charlotte is a month older and the most she has done is taken some long car rides from NH to CT. Not nearly as exciting as the life and times of you two! We’ll have to get on that.
I’m sorry you haven’t figured out how you spent your 2nd anniversary. I’m sure that whatever you did, you ad Liz had a blast and knew that you loved each other.
My Lord your daughter is one beautiful child!
Unrelated to your post, but today I was watching Finding Nemo with my son and I thought of you. Needless to say, I cried and my son looked at me like I was crazy.
Glad you have been taking some time for yourself away from the internet. The pics of Madeline are georgeous as usual. I have been carefully watching her hair growth and comparing it with my 4 month olds. I think they both have a ways to go before pigtails and hair bows, but I love the fuzzy heads!
*hugs*
love the barf on the angels jersey! the odometer is awesome, how weird that you happen to look down at that moment!
As always, love Maddie and love that robot
Ah, yes…my Madeline fix. All is right with the world again.
I don’t know if this will make you feel worse or better, but 25? 2 + 5 = 7. It was the first thing I thought of you when you listed all of the 7′s in Liz’s life. I’m sorry, maybe I should have kept that to myself….
New goal in Julie’s life…get a pic with the robot.
That whole 7′s on the odometer thing was kind of crazy. Seriously makes ya wonder if Liz was tapping you on the shoulder to make her presence known??
Matt,
She’s looking more and more like Liz the bigger she gets! You’re doing a great job growing her!
Beki (& the boys)
Madeline looks gorgeous as usual in these new pictures.
Just sending some creepy love your way – well, not love really – but creepy good vibes for the big run…
I’ve started training for our own…heaven help me…
maybe you’ll have some couch to 5k advice for me…
good luck man – hope it was fun and that you weren’t last across the line as I know I would be right now…
xoxo – darcie
It’s good to catch up. Thanks for making us all a part of your life.
You are probably done with the big run. Were you able to claim firsties?
I am hoping to gleem some inspiration from you and get my big fat ass off of the couch.
Have always hated running, but can walk for miles.
Give Madeline an extra squeeze from me.
If ya’ll ever make it to Houstin, let me know. My dad has season tickets for the Astros and we’ll hook you and Madeline up.
Those pictures of Madeline at the game are great! I am sure Liz had a part in making sure you looked down at your odometer at the moment. She’s always with you guys!
You make me want to reach through this laptop and just hug you.
Crap, I forgot to wish you happy running/walking/crawling for your 5k tonight. I’m impressed you’re attempting, that’s more than I can say I’ve ever done.
PS. @Julie: I had the same 7-thought…
Your memory will come back. Your brain is full, on auto pilot overdrive. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Maddie is getting so big. Love u guys!
Missed reading your posts. You sound in pretty good spirits but I know every day is still hard. Thank God for that beautiful baby!
So glad to hear from you! Maddy is such a cute girl! I love that she gets to experience everything life has to offer with you! We missed you both a lot!
@ K8 – Umm, you and the robot?!? Do you kiss and tell? Did the robot talk about Matt in the sack? He/she looks like the strong silent type!
Madeline is SUCH a flippin cutie pie! I love seing new photos of her! Glad to hear she’s got a 4 to 4 record now! She’s a good luck charm!
Her blue eyes are just adorable! Reminds me of my daughters eyes. Same color! It’s great she’s learning to talk shit at games! You’re doing a great job with her! Looking forward to future posts! 
Kristin Gaffney
So, your little one has put her mojo on the Angels at home & away games now. She’s done her part to keep your teams winning. Can you now please keep her away from the Angels?! I’d love you see you 2 at a game, of course, but only if you come in peace!
Always love reading your posts. I marvel at how you can be so honest & also at how your posts aren’t just filled with a bunch of yelling & “fuck!!!” I don’t know how you keep it together.
I’m def in awe of your strength.
Madeline looks pissed that she was taken out of her Twins gear. Good thing she puked all over the Angel’s jersey to make up for it…
So cool that someone got the lens back to you. It is so nice when you actually meet those people who are really nice in life (sometimes it feels like they are never out there–I’m getting that feeling a lot lately in NYC).
You will remember what you two did on that anniversary. It will come to you on a day that you really need it.
Much love being sent across the country to you two.
Greetings!
No doubt about it, the Divine Miss M definitely looks like Liz, especially in picture # 23 from this post, but in pics 16, 20 and 25 I think she looks so much like you! Nice that she represents you both so well.
Wish you were here today. The weather is perfect and I could use a good excuse to take the day off and sight see with you two. Oh well…have fun in the L.A.
Hi Matt,
Glad to read that you two had a fairly good week. I am seeing a pattern here with the Robot and the pics. Are you going to take it with you and have everyone you come across take a pic with it?
You need to get the girl from Amoeba to take a pic with it.
Maybe it could be another book project…or just a personal one.
Just an idea.
Keep hanging in there.
Oh, and how hott is k8?
Looks like an awesome time with friends Matt. You know, I bet someday when you’re just hanging, doing nothin’ or somethin’ , your last anniversary is going to pop in your head. It will be there. Clearly. Sometimes shit like that just happens.
You are so blessed to have wonderful friends and family who are helping you get through this, blessed to have such a beautiful and easy-going baby, and especially blessed to have Liz still speaking to you and maintaining her place in your life. Finding that odometer was definitely a message from her.
Thanks for the update. I am so jealous of those seats! 5th row behind the dugout?? I was on the 14th row at Miller Park earlier this year and thought those were good seats. Madeline has some magic. I wonder if a team would pay for you to bring her since her team always wins?
Yay Liz had the same fav number as me..that story is funny…the other day my car hit 70,777… as I am driving I took a pic on my cell and texted it to my husband….he thought I was crazy! Yours was better….all 7′s!!
I can’t believe how big Madeline is getting!
Awesome pics from the game!
Love the twins photo…I’m another fan trapped in something other than my home state and am the minority whenever we play the twinkies.
Hey, do you know the Homer Hanky song? I swing it every time they score! It’s a hold over from ’87.
@k8 “the fucking George Clooney of Widower Bloggers” – fucking hilarious and so true!!
@darcie – here’s a link for a couch to 5K program I used that worked well….good luck
http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml
Hey Matt & Maddie! Happy Labor Day to you both and of course happybirthday to Miss M.! Glad to see you are living life away from the computer. ;0)I know Liz is definitly there with you both. The milage on the car was just a visual reminder. Glad you caught that on camera! That is Awesome! Hope you are both having a great day!
Back-up memory. Isn’t that the truth.
Madeline is awesome-with the jersey barfin and trash talking
for the very fist time i saw a look on madeline’s face that looked like daddy but the next picture showed her smiling and it was mommy! i am sure Liz’s Mom constantly talks about how much Madeline looks like her daughter.
How is Liz’s Mom? If you ever feel like it, let us know how her family is. I know they love you. It’s so obvious!!
Thank you Matt for continuing to share. You are an incredible man!
Friend – You and Maddy HAVE to come to a Yankees game and give them some love.
Then again.. The Steinbrenners need some kick ass. Letting Torre go must have made them blink. Congrats on having him.
We arent going to make it this year. Kind of glad since they gave YOUR manager the ruboff.
Hey Matt,
Hoping to jog your memory…if I’m doing my math right, your anniversary should be around the time you conceived little Maddie! (Give or take a week)
Maybe that reminds you of what was going on that month?
And hey, look, more good memories to associate with your anniversary now!
@Danielle in the MS: Now who’s makin’ WHO LOL?! Get outta here you knucklehead!
I noticed today especially at the ballpark pics that Maddie is looking like her Daddy! Such a precious little girl you have. Love love love the effort you put forth to be such a great parent. I hate to say it, but you are a million times better of a daddy than my husband. Keep up the excellent work and may Maddie’s baseball winnig streak stay strong!!
monday’s story is so cute! i love reading about memories of liz. thank you for sharing!
@KellyMc ~ Thanks for the link – I need all the help I can get right now!
So glad you are able to have fun at baseball games. I’ve forgotten what it is like to see my team win.
It’s a damn good thing I’m not opposed to Robot sloppy seconds (or secondhundreths…).
As a life long Red Sox fan, I love it whenever you rag on the Angels. I don’t know what it is, but everything about that team annoys me, haha. But don’t even get me started on the Ducks and Kings! I think I might need some of Madeline’s luck to rub off on me before I got to my next baseball game! Baseball is in the air, Spring Training is almost here…