***saturday***
two great friends
in town from the bay area
hanging out with
maddy
and me.
lunch, shopping,
reminiscing.
some tears.
mostly laughter.
lots of fun.
***sunday***
5-month birthday celebration,
no cake,
just formula and
a gift,
the new outfit
i bought her the day before.
(long-sleeve top and a mini jean skirt that, after examining it, may having her showing a few too many leg rolls).
madeline spent most
for her big day
doing this…
***monday***
lucky girl that
she is, madeline also
got to celebrate
birthday week 22/52
the same week as her
5-month birthday.
the early part of the
day was quiet
but momentous,
marking the first time
madeline took a nap
in her crib.
she spent the evening
hanging out
with her good buddies
w & v at the
home of gentle ben and dana.
i was having a bad
day, thinking
of things
that happened 5 months
ago that
tore a hole in
my reality,
my life.
went with gentle ben
to get more of
something i never
thought i wanted.
left = madeline.
right = elizabeth.
writing = hindi.
thanks to my non-hindi speaking
friend in india
for getting the translations
done for me.
hopefully these things don’t
say “beer” and “cigarettes”
or something worse.
wanted to do them in
liz’s
handwriting (like the last two),
but couldn’t find
anything where
she
had written “madeline.”
that sucks.
gentle ben got something
done as well.
he said i could blame him
for this round.
i do.
had dinner with
gentle ben’s family,
saw w’s crocodile
and watched her run fast.
she tried to convince
me to play a
little ps2 with her.
5 years old,
4.5+ years until
my maddy is doing
the same sort
of things.
4.5 years seems like
a life time away.
i’m still counting things
in months, days, hours, minutes.
years?
not yet.
talked to good friends
mark m. and richard dick p.
took them up on
their offer to
join them in the las vegas
in a few weeks.
i’ll be on the lam
from me life for a few days.
should be fun.
gives me something
to look forward to.
***tuesday***
it’s already been
a shitty enough week,
not gonna let
tuesday get to
me this time.
went to the park
for our tuesday
parent’s group.
big turnout this week.
lots of fun.
(for me at least).
madeline spent part
of the morning trying
to cry and drool away the
pain of teething.
later, she met a new boy
and the pain
of getting new teeth disappeared.
after the park
we went home
and i worked on my
photo book.
the robot watched madeline
and madeline was terrified.
guess my idea of using
him as a giant
robot night light
may be out
of the question.
***wednesday***
finished my project
then we went to
the weho for
lunch with kit
and cara at some
burger joint.
a beautiful day,
we took a little stroll
pausing to admire
some flowers along the way.
later we ended up on
a rooftop.
that night,
madeline hung out
with kit and cara
while i had some
daddy time.
went to amoeba
where i saw my favorite lady.
she asked me where
madeline was.
i explained that she
was enjoying a night
away from her dad
(something she doesn’t get very often).
i think she was
sad that she didn’t get
to see madeline.
i desperately needed.
then i met up with my
friend laura.
had a great conversartion
over dinner at the
peruvian restaurant i’ve been
wanting to check out.
then we walked across
the street to
the movie theater
to see something ridiculous.
escaped my life for
1 hour, 47 minutes…
laughed a lot.
just what i needed.
said goodbye
to laura and picked up
madeline.
she was asleep,
not caring where she was.
the most content
baby i have ever come across.
i’m lucky.
***thursday***
got up early
and let madeline talk
my ears off.
(someone’s just like her mom).
headed back to the
west side for lunch
with cara at
some argentinian restaurant
on melrose.
food was great,
ambience, wasn’t.
big truck parked near
our table assaulted us
with excessive amounts of
exhaust and noise.
cara snapped some photos
then madeline and i
went to the beverly hills
to pick up
the packet for the
race run i’m doing
on sunday.
it will not be a race
for me.
it may not even be a run.
either way,
i needed a shirt
to prove my
intent to
to kill myself via exercise.
got what i needed
then thought it would
be a nice to visit
our friends jeanette and jennifer
at their salon.
stopped in with a sleeping
madeline.
luckily they had enough
time to hang out with
her before their
next clients arrived.
jeanette asked me
if i wanted to get my
hair cut.
i had no intention of
doing so, but
decided i may as well
go for it
since we were here.
we talked a lot
about a lot
of things
as jennifer fed a
now awake madeline.
hair much shorter than
when i arrived,
it was time to head out.
tried to pay
jeanette, but she wouldn’t
take my money.
told me it was an
anniversary gift.
not to me,
but to
liz.
we both laughed, knowing that
liz
would have loved this gift.
grabbed maddy,
said goodbye and headed
back to the current neighborhood.
spent the afternoon sleeping
and the evening
giving madeline a proper
political perspective.
then she went to
sleep and i wrote the
afterward to gentle ben’s photo book
something about dentists
and polaroid cameras.
certainly not worth reading.
i shouldn’t write when
i’m tired.
***friday***
woke up before madeline.
she’s still sleeping
through the night
(3-4 times longer than i do).
sat in my office,
looking around at the mess.
realized that there
was no one here
trying to convince
me to clean this place up.
then i realized
that i miss that nagging.
the house keeper is coming
tomorrow, but some
guests are coming tonight.
liz
would not be happy
if she knew
that they were
about to see the
current state of our house,
so i did a little
work until madeline
woke up at 9:00am.
fed my baby
then we sat and
stared at each other.
talked to lauren f.
from the nyc.
her plans for the las vegas
have caused me
to alter my plans
for the las vegas.
now i’ll be
leaving one day
earlier than originally planned
and will get to
do some cool stuff,
thanks to her.
full report to follow
next week.
got a lot of
cleaning done, but
not nearly enough
to make a difference.
filled out the paperwork
for my life insurance.
important that it’s taken care
of before sunday’s run,
just in case the exercise
decides to make
madeline an orphan.
placed in directly
in the hands of my mail man,
telling him it was important.
he assured me
it would be post-marked
with today’s date.
talked to auntie anya.
we decided on an early
dinner in the glendale.
had a great night
with her.
made it home early enough
to take a bunch of madeline
photos before our
visitors arrived.
liz’s
cousin renee and her
husband rob, both
supposedly non-runners,
have come in to
town from the mn
to run that damned
10k with me.
when i learned
they were coming out,
the first thing i thought was,
“shit…there’s no way i can back out of this thing now”
my second thought?
“at least i’m not the only crazy one.”
madeline was too
tired to greet
them so i
talked their ears off
until they could
no longer keep their
eyes open.
they headed to their
hotel and i read
until the words blurred.
***saturday***
rob and renee
arrived and we went
to breakfast
in the eagle rock.
none of the athletes
(that’s us)
ate very healthy,
even though we’re all
about to run further
than we’ve ever run before…
in a little less than 33 hours
from this moment.
on the other hand,
we’re about to run
a 10k so we should
be able to eat
whatever we want,
guilt-free.
that was the statement
i made.
saw two other heads
nodding along with my logic
so we ordered a red velvet cupcake
for dessert.
then we drove south
to pick up
race run packets
for rob and renee.
short distance, long drive.
weekend los angeles-to-beach
traffic is not awesome.
got back, took a short
rest then decided
that we should
take a short hike
to get ready for sunday.
boy are we idiots.
just a few steps up
the hill and we
all were exhausted.
i saw the looks in
their eyes.
it was the same one i had.
fear.
we pushed forward
and we got some
photos.
we made it about
1/5 as far as
we intended before stopping
to take some more photos.
then we turned around.
that’s enough exercise.
we needed to waste
a few hours
before our late-night
dinner reservation
at the fancy pizza place
near my old neighborhood.
decided to do
a little shopping so we’d
have all the necessary
gear for the race.
liz
would be happy to know
that i’ve managed to
mix a little
shopping with my exercise.
after the multiple shopping
stops, it was 11:00pm
and time for dinner.
didn’t get seated
until 11:30, but it
didn’t matter.
had a nice conversation with
the hostess while
she stared at madeline.
finally sat down
and we had an
amazing meal.
madeline slept through everything.
didn’t get out of
there until almost 1:00,
but it was worth it.
made it home,
said goodbye to the cousins
then went to bed
knowing that sunday
is going to hurt.
***sunday***
got up when madeline
did and got ready
for our next visitor…
awesome auntie deb.
she’s coming in to
town to watch madeline
as i limp through the race run.
got madeline in her
car seat
and couldn’t help but
snap a few photos
of her happy little face.
picked deb up and
brought her
back to the house.
madeline’s teething
issues reappeared and forced
deb to hand her
off to me.
i used all my
tricks to try to
soothe her, but nothing
worked so i went
with the baby tylenol.
minutes later,
she was totally out.
rob and renee arrived
with lunch,
which we ate
while the robot did
a little baby watching.
later rob, renee and the robot
attempted to throw
up their lunches.
auntie angel fan arrived to
find us getting ready
for the run.
she’s the only one
among us fit
enough to even contemplate
running this.
after talking me out
of talking myself out
of running this thing,
we got in the cars
and drove to usc campus.
parked, and got to the
spot where all the
runners were.
started to get a little
scared again.
these people are all way
more fit than i am.
this can’t be good.
oh well…i’m here now.
we took some photos
then got down to business.
the race about to start,
it got loud with
all the foolishness
that comes with
trying to motivate
12,000 people.
(mayor adulterer villaraigosa said, “can you feel it?” like, 12 times).
madeline put on her
headphones to keep
from having to hear it all
we said goodbye
to awesome auntie deb
and madeline,
and lined up with
the rest of the runners.
got one last pre-race
group photo
then took off.
i made it 5k without slowing
down then my
left knee reminded me
that i’m not really
that good at this
so i slowed down.
auntie angel fan showed
some compassion
and decided to hang with
me while the super-human runners
(rob & renee)
sprinted away.
she told me stories about
liz
and their workouts
as we walk/ran the remaining 5k
so i’d live to see
another day.
don’t ask me
where i finished or
how fast i ran.
all i know is that
i wasn’t first,
i wasn’t last.
i finished…and survived.
goal = fulfilled.
left knee = sore.
i think i need a new one.
after crossing the finish
line we tracked down
deb and a completely
passed out madeline.
i reclaimed my baby
and held her
as her first concert began.
kanye west
wouldn’t have been my
first choice, but
liz
liked him so i guess
it was okay.
besides, she’s got years
of daddy’s favorite shows to
attend, so we’ll get that
music taste corrected.
um…did you notice that
madeline was wearing
hearing protection?
yeah…that was all me.
(a little self-congraulatory pat on the back here).
i think ahead.
there were a few young
kids around, none
of whom had hearing protection.
even saw one poor
little girl plugging her
ears as she sat on
her dad’s shoulders.
the shit was loud.
but my baby slept through
everything, including the
post-show fireworks.
lots of people
stopped to point
and tell me that she
was cute, some even
asking to take a photo
of her.
i’m sure it looked rad,
but i was just demonstrating
what a responsible parent i am.
then rob bought
me some beer.
(diane knocked one of those beers out of my hands a few minutes later).
sometime during the show
two strangers friends
introduced themselves
as fans of the blog.
they talked to us for awhile
then posed for a few photos
the show ended and we
headed home.
we ordered a pizza
on the way
so that it would be there
for us when we arrived.
we ate and talked until
1:00am.
madeline remained passed out
diane, rob & renee
left and deb fell asleep.
i sat on the couch,
remembering that it
was a year ago this weekend
that we learned we’d
be having a baby.
we were so fucking happy.
now what?
i never guessed
i’d be here alone
with madeline just one
year later.
now i’ve forgotten how
much my fucking knee hurts.
it’s nothing compared to
the pain i feel every where else
every second of every day.
i hate this.
150 Comments
I love Madeline’s hearing protection! What a great idea. I bet you start a trend with that one.
Congrats on surviving the 10K! That’s a great accomplishment – even if your knee is giving you shit for it. It’s great that you have tons of friends hanging out with you all the time – especially to give you the needed “Daddy time.”
Oh yea, and the headphones are ridiculously awesome! Go Dad!
omg congratulations on the run! that is awesome! i am sure you were thinking of liz every step of the way and that she continues to be proud of all that you’ve done. i loved the hearing protection but that doesn’t surprise me..you are just one kick ass dad! i LOVE how many pictures you have taken and continue to share with us. the ones of liz with the test were like a kick to the sack and i don’t have a sack…my point is i can probably not imagine a day in your life but by reading this each day i really remember to cherish every effing moment. i am not sure what i (and everyone else) would do without your fucking blog. furreal.
Madeline is surely the most pure and innocent baby girl ever. She is a bright-eyed, drooly teething image of Liz. You and Liz did great work with her and you continue to do great work with Madeline.
Love the photos and videos and am glad you continue to post through your pain, sorrow but also the joyousness that comes from being a dad.
It is funny how when out and seeing things you have posted about and the thoughts of all three come to mind and then sadness that there is only two to go through all that you talk about (i.e., all the movies you gonna have her watch! — sounds like my hubby, John). Do you say every John Wayne movie is a classic even though in my opinion he has no range and only two emotions: gruff then really gruff? Ooooohhh, suppose I’ll get heat for that one…
It is great that you continue to be who you are and will no doubt allow Madeline to be who she is and who she is going to be…
Catherine in St. Paul, MN
Sorry to read you are having a tough week Matt. I really feel for you and am always sending you our best. You are holding it together amazingly well, and I’m ‘glad’ you are sharing your experiences with us.
Like Maddy’s crib bedding, on that subject it must be difficult to buy clothes for a girl, in that respect I’m delighted I can just dress my child as a mini-me.
Loved the photos of Liz and the pregnancy test, she looks soooooo happy.
Take care young man, and as always keep up the top, top, work.
Get Maddy an Amber necklace, the lighter the better. All the teething crankiness will go away! When she’s sleeping, put the necklace around her ankle…:) She’ll love it, you’ll love it, and you won’t need the baby tylenol!
Great job on your run!
Impressive run – I’ve never had the courage to do a 10K. Maddy looks hysterical with those earphones – what a good Daddy you are!
All the pain just sucks, sucks, sucks…
Congrats on the big run
You really needa take her to some better concerts, quick, educate her!
Matt,
You made me laugh and made me cry in 5 minutes….. Congrats on the sleeping in the crib! My firstborn despised it and slept with us for 4 years! 2 kids later, I learned my lesson. Chubby baby thighs are the best. My dad had the nerve to tell me I needed to put Sophie on a diet.
Way to go on the race! Wish I could run, but constantly getting black eyes isn’t fun(blame the nursing)
The tatoos are way too cool.
Have a great time in Vegas!
Take care,
Debbie
congrats on the run! i can tell from the photos that madeline was really proud of her dad’s amazing accomplishment…
-stranger/friend from the fl
Matt, I hate this sadness too.
Gorgeous happy pics of Liz, so cute!
I do have to comment on a great photo, the one “last pre race photo shoot” How come you’re the only one NOT smiling! LMAO!
Great shot!
Also, you can tell maddy that her mini “thunder thigh rolls” are no comparison to my Shae’s rolls, I could only buy the child elastic at the thigh! Enjoy those chubbies, when she starts walking, they go away!
Great shots as usual!
matt,
loved all of your pictures. i am keeping madeline and you in my heart and sending you a lot of hugs and love from jpan.
Love the new tattoos. . . also love that you can see them in self portraits of you and Maddy! Congrats on finishing the run (sorry to hear about the sore knee); I am sure Liz would be so, so proud of you. Also love the pics of Liz. . . .could those be considered pics of Maddy too?
Those Clearblue Easy pictures break my heart.
Love the tattoos.
The headphones are BRILLIANT. Really, really clever.
All the pictures of Madeline are, as usual, brilliant. But the two of her with the robot are particularly funny.
And Tropic Thunder is great therapy — I escaped my evacuees to see it this weekend and laughed my ass off.
Hang in there on this rotten Tuesday.
You have an amazing group of friends!
But then, you already knew that, didn’t you?
Try Hylands teething tablets for the teething with the tylenol. They are natural and help with the pain. She will soon be old enough for motrin which helps so much more! (swelling etc) Let her suck on cold items too.
The tats are AWESOME!!!!! Love the pic of you holding her showing the new tats!
Congrats on the race! You did awesome!
Great photos of M! She looks so adorable. Awesome job finishing the 10K. Love the ear protection.
ha ha, don’t worry ur tatoo says madeline and elizabeth only….
and congrats on the run!
Asalamalaykom,
Hey, maybe I’m just too much in Ramadan mode, but I thought at first that you had put transliterated Arabic on your left arm. Under your Miss Madeline tattoo it sure looks like, “Asma,” to me. Asma is an Arabic name for girls meaning “Supreme”.
Your Liz’s name is just other-worldly. Each letter looks like a heightened, more beautiful version of our own. That is who she was. LOL! Heightened is not something you’d normally say for a 4’11 woman, but she was!
I almost wish you’d put a warning on the blog. Not for swearing (and I noticed that despite everything you did, you really didn’t swear about it). No, I have a really hard time scrolling down and seeing Your Liz’s smile. It shocks me every time.
The pregnancy test pictures were just The Alpha and The Omega. You know? It is the start of something wonderful and the end to something wonderful. It’s in that moment. How you keep going in your day after having those images pour into your brain is a wonder to me. You are also full of wonder and wonderful.
This summation of yours is key:
so i’d live to see
another day.
don’t ask me
where i finished or
how fast i ran.
all i know is that
i wasn’t first,
i wasn’t last.
i finished…and survived.
That is your place in this world, Mr. Matt. I feel that I’m somewhere there myself and I’m really proud to have been running the race with you these last months.
I like to think Liz has rockin’ fast DSL/high-speed (wireless) internet access in heaven, and she looks forward to your updates, loves to replay the videos again and again.
I can’t imagine the pain, and how raw it must be at times. But you’re doing a kickass job. She would be proud.
We are.
I’m smiling and laughing through this post
until the end
now I’m sitting at work crying
I’m glad Madeline didn’t wake up to find that robot in her bassinette with her!! On the flip side it might save you money in baby gates in the future – just strategically place the robot near places you do not want her to go!
The ear protection is cracking me up – her little cheeks are squeezed. She is so stinking cute!
The pictures of liz are so sweet. She looks so happy to be pregnant.
You still amaze me!! Maddy is such a doll, and you are a great dad… son’t worry about the clean house… noone cares!!!
Hugs from the NC!!
Again, from one single parent to another, you are doing an awesome, amazing job with that beautiful little girl. She will be the most well traveled, adventuresome little girl ever!
Maddy watching Obama… a girl after my own heart!
Congratulations on completing the 10k. I consider myself to be in pretty good shape, but I hate running, so I can’t imagine ever being able to do that. So kudos to you.
Can’t wait for more updates. I love checking in on you and Madeline. I keep wanting to send the two of you something, but have yet to think of something to send that you don’t already have.
I hope you had a wonderful Labor Day/Monday/23-week birthday with Madeline yesterday, and I hope today (Tuesday) is the least shitty it could possibly be.
Thanks, again, for allowing us into your life. Congrats on the 10K completion and being a super responsible, pro-active parent in regards to Madeline’s ear protection!
The photos of Liz with the pregnancy test made me catch my breath… I cannot begin to imagine what they do to you. She looks incredibly happy & proud. I am very, very sorry (again) for your loss and the pain you are living with because of it.
Wow, Madeline is so lucky to have you. You are such a wonderful father. She does look so much like her mom, from what I can tell from pictures, but I really think that she has your smile. It is great to see that she smiles so much!
congrats on completely a 10k!! That is awesome! Hope you weren’t too sore the next day!
Love the pics & videos of Madeline. She si too dang adorable. Starting to put on a little more weight & get that ‘sort of chubby’ look to her – adorable.
Pics at the end of Liz were beautiful & heart breaking at the same time. Thinking of you & sending thoughts/prayers your way!
congrats on the run! i have no idea how that feels (dare i say “yet”). but, I do know that you are doing a great job of doing the best you know how (and learning lots of new stuff in the process).
and perhaps more importantly, you are trying your best at something you wish you didn’t have to – the new normal. Madeline and Liz appreciate that more than you know.
still rooting for ya. happy 23rd maddy! hope today sucks a little as possible.
Congats on finishing the run! By the way, Madeline has the best legs ever! You are such an awesome Dad.
Hey M&M -
I did my 1st 10k yesterday. OW. I walked. Not gonna lie. I’m not a runner. I, too, was not 1st nor last, but dammit I made it thru!
Glad you got to check that one off your “list”.
Maddy is so cute with her ear protection. Good job remembering that!
Wow… 10k…. Good for YOU!
I am beyond impressed by how wonderful you are doing/have done with Madeline. I’m sure Liz is proud. And Madeline is PRECIOUS!
Good job on the run. I hate this with you.
@ Debbie from the Ohio. I had to read your comments 3 times before I understood what you were talking about (sometimes I’m an idiot).
@Matt. So I’ll be cruising through your posts…enjoying your escapades…and then bam! There’s a picture of your Liz. My gut reaction (even as a stranger) serves as a reminder of your continued feelings of grief and loss.
Take care of yourself
So many emotions in this post.
So many victories…
Such a huge loss. It makes my heart hurt and I didn’t even know Liz.
Wow is all I can say.
((hugs))
Teething – ugh. My son is going through that right now. Thank God for baby Tylenol. Congrats on running and finishing the race! It’s also good to know that I’m not the only one who takes pictures of positive pregnancy tests. Madeline will love seeing those one day.
Wait….did you say you got dessert at breakfast?
diggin’ the robot onesie
I’m so glad you were able to finish the race. That’s quite an accomplishment. It’s really hard to believe the terrible things that life can throw at us. It’s harder still to live through it. Madeline gives you no choice in the matter. Isn’t it amazing how, as helpless as she is, she can still help you?
Wait…..just wait, for the first time she calls you daddy.
- Suzanne, the Farmer’s Wife
GREAT JOB on the run man. Wow. A whole 10k? At this point I know I’ll be crawling across the finish line of a 5k but I’ll get there…one day. I don’t want to say if you can do it I can do it – but I will – because not that long ago you were NOT a runner…and now you did it!
WHOO HOO!
GREAT pics of Maddy this time around! She’s growing up so much already…and looks AWESOME in the headphones.
Those pics of Liz with the pg test…amazing. Maddy is going to cherish those forever ~ It is so amazing how you document your life in pictures – we should all learn from that and start doing the same.
Daddy. You rock. The hearing protection? Genius. And, btw, use the baby tylenol as much as she needs it. Pain relief for infants and children is very important.
You look very “official” in your running gear! I think that looking the part is half the battle. Good job, that is more then I could ever do!
So glad that Liz (and you) have such awesome friends. Obviously touched so many lives – not to mention all of these on the blog! Emotional pain is so tough. You can see it “heal” or repair itself.
Have a great time in Vegas!
AWesome job on the 10K!!! Sorry the end of the week wasn’t so hot for you.
You are an inspiration! 10K seems like about 9K farther than I ever want to run!
And your little girl is so incredibly adorable! What a bittersweet memory to recall that you were just learning about her a year ago.
Stay strong – and know that you still have a host of stranger/friends cheering for the two of you!
Congratulations on the 10K! Madeline’s smile is amazing. Great videos, too. My 2-year-old always runs over to watch the Madeline videos.
Hi Matt and Maddy!
Good to catch up on all the ML&M happenings… First, congrats on the 10k! (What’s next a marathon?)
Secondly, LOVE the new tattoos. Very very cool.
Finally, it’s great to see Maddy all covered up in her ear-protection… that’s gotta be the cutest (and well protected) baby in the entire LA!
Hope this week is better… Take care,
-jen in bangalore
Great job on finishing the run. Music and political taste could be better. I enjoy reading your blog.
Way to go–finishing the 10 K. I would’ve whined enough to get out of it. You are doing a fabulous job with maddie-very responsible with the headphones. You don’t have the best situation but you are doing the best you can with it and that is better than finishing a 10K.
Baby Genius you have right there! Barely 5 months old, and already saying Hi! to the camera! Congrats on surviving the run! You totally deserve that pat on the back for remembering the headphones. Hope this week is a little less rough than last week!
-Stranger friend in dc
in that one post, I cried and laughed and said to myself, aw, look how cute she is! madeline is so darn cute! I love the video where she is saying hi to you….and the viewpoint of the photos, looking up your arms, at maddy’s face, priceless. congrats on the race, no run….what a sense of accomplishment. and on the crib sleeping…and the tats? awesome.
Congrats on the run!!! I would have had to walk the entire thing.
I have a 10month old and he is teething 2 at a time these days. I use tylenol at night but Hylands Teething Tablets during the day (homeopathic), you can find them in most drug stores. 3 for Hayden 1 for Mommy….it helps!!!!
Liz is so beautiful….lots of hugs coming your way.
Congrats on your run! be proud that you accomplished one more thing in your life.
And, the only important thing is that you finished. Kudos to you.
Congrats Maddy for taking your first nap in your crib! You are such a big girl.
Congrats on the run! I could never do that! And I love the head phones! She is adorable!
Have fun in Vegas. We’ll be there as well the 19th-22nd. When do you get to go enjoy it? Can’t wait! What a fun city!
Take care!
Madeline’s hearing protection is so darling. She is really starting to interact with the camera-she is so darling! Liz looks so beautiful in those pictures, Madeline will treasure these photos that show her mom so happy to have her.
Great job on the run!
Matt, congrats on the race, and for thinking about those headphones. I’m not sure how that baby could look any cuter.
Her mommy is beautiful. I hate it that you have to be without her.
Matt,
)
Can I just say that Maddy’s eyes are so beautiful and that face you just want to pinch those cheeks Too sweet. Congrats on the race, I am very impressed because I could never run that far. I’m sorry that you are having a rough week; I think it’s amazing how well you do and to document what you going through is truly amazing. Thank you for taking the time to let us in on your life. I love the pictures of Liz. I think Maddy is going to be so much like her mom. You are such a great daddy and i just love the earphones.
The tattoo’s are amazing, my husband designed one for me that will incorporate my two daughters names, i just need to go and get it done. How bad does it hurt?
Take care and i’m always keeping you and Maddy in my thoughts and prayers. Have a great time in Vegas!!
I hate this for you, too.
Congrats on finishing the race, that is awesome!
What a realization (the “one year ago this weekend” thing). I’m sure Liz is super proud of you – for the run but mostly for being an awesome, hearing-protection-buying Dad.
I also laughed at the video of Maddy. My favourite game these days is the “Hi” game too where I totally like to think Moira is saying Hi back to me. I was also doing the sign for “fish” (we have a fish tank and my husband thinks I am only teaching her totally useless signs like “fish” and “make Mummy a cup of tea” but I digress) and I could have sworn she made a Fff sound. Of course, it could have been a “WTF are you doing Mum?” sound with the first two letters being silent. Oh babies!
Once again, you’ve managed to evoke smiles and teary eyes from me in a matter of just a few short minutes….I wish I did half the living that you do on a daily basis. Madeline looks adorable in her headphones (we are using similar ones to block sounds for our son at school, so he can concentrate) and I’m proud of you for making it through the race….something I could never have done. The photos of Liz were really beautiful and bittersweet at the same time. I saw a woman pumping gas the other day who looked amazingly similar to Liz. I stared a bit, she looked annoyed, so I stopped. I wanted to tell her why, but she would probably have thought I was strange, so I just finished getting the gas and left. It made me want to tell her and everyone around me to live each day to it’s fullest….which is what we should all do. I have to keep reminding myself of this!
Thanks for the great dose of cute Madeline shots….she is so adorable!
Hey Matt,
My 6 month old is teething also, she loves to munch on frozen washcloth taquitos (rolled up baby washcloths that i throw in the freezer) they satisfy her for a good 30 minutes while numbing her gums.
I also love the vide of Madeline listening to Obama’s speech, we did the same thing with Ava except we have her actually watching the TV…I know Bad parents, with all the TV watching and such.
I love the headphones, I need to get some we took Ava to a concert in Beaver Creek this weekend and it was way too loud!
Matt…congrats on an amazing run AND being such an amazing dad (love the ear muffs). Just looking at Maddy in photos I can see how she’s thriving. What a happy baby (despite the teeth coming in!). The photos of an expectant Liz are absolutely heartbreaking. I can only imagine what you’re going through and how painful it is to remember. Thank you for continuing to share your story and life w/ us. We’re all rooting you and Maddy on…it’s such a joy to watch her grow. Take care.
Congrats! I know you aren’t a runner at heart, but being a father means you do things you wouldn’t normally do… that is inspiring. You should be proud of yourself not only for running the race but more importantly living your life for Madeline.
Keep on, keeping on.
David
Fuck pain.
Fuck Tuesday’s.
Wow – Maddy looks like her momma at lot these days. I was proud to be making it through a post tear-free…you still managed to sneak one in at the end, eh?
Congrats on your race/run – I shouted 10k loudly at work in admiration ha – now we’re all proud of you for sticking it out.
PS I’m going to be sad when Madeline’s too big for the Bjorn, those are the best pics!
Way to go on the 10k, hell no I could never do that. I love that you keep active, I think I’d crawl in a hole.
i wasn’t first,
i wasn’t last.
i finished…and survived.
goal = fulfilled.
I don’t know why but this made me cry. I guess it’s says more to me than just about a run.
Madeline is cute as ever, isn’t this stage getting fun? Except the teething that is. We use Hyland’s teething tablets in addition to Tylenol. And the pics of Liz are beautiful but haunting. Hope this week is better for you.
You are truly blessed with a baby that just goes with the flow, you are amazing with her! So smart with the headphones!
The new tats are very special.
Maddie is looking so cute (well, even cuter then normal) with that smile!
Way to go on the run! Congrats for surviving. I’m sure I’d drop dead before half way through.
Those last pics just made me spontaniously start crying. Madeline is SO loved.
I love that you and Madeline watched the Obama speech together. She seemed to like him.
Congrats on running and finishing the 10K!
What I love about your stories is that they always come to the point where you take Madeline back from whomever got lucky enough to have a few moments with her. You always want her back in your arms. I think the way you need each other is beautiful.
Congrats on completing the run!!! That is so, so awesome.
I can’t believe now I hafta buy Ben’s book, too! Goddammit!
I have a pic of my pregnancy test being held by Gumby. He was/is just the right size!
Just arrived from vacation..wowwww…I need a few hours to try to be updated…anyway…JUST want to say HOLA Matt!!!! HOLA Maddy!!!!!!
Besos y abrazos
Sol
I was doing fine and then I saw the pregnancy test pics. Now I’m back to feeling to feeling like shit for you. I think I’ll spend some time kicking my dog to make myself feel better.
Congrats on the 5K. Can feel your knee pain. I ran for years without knowing I had torn my ACL wake boarding. Had it reconstructed but still gives me shit after 30 minutes of running.
LOVE the headgear – you deserve that pat on your back. Was patting you from here before you even mentioned that you’d been patting yourself. Great dad!
She’s so beautiful. And it looks like she likes Obama, so she’s smart too!
I, too, recommend the Hyland’s Teething Tablets. They 100% natural, no side effects, and the soft tablets dissolve almost instantly. They worked wonders for my son when he was teething.
If you have any questions about your upcoming trip to Vegas…feel free to ask. I’ve lived here for 4 years and would be happy to give you local info.
p.s. Did you know we got married in Vegas???
Figures, huh.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/katerz1/2822295490/
Madeline just keeps getting cuter every day! Love the headphones! Brillant!! Teething is rough – on her and you. Hang in there and use the infant tylenol. My youngest will be one on Friday and I found that freezing a wet washclothes and letting him chew it worked well. Congrats on finishing the 10K! Thanks for keeping all of us strangers/friends updated on your lives. You’re doing an awesome job! I’m sure Liz is so very proud of both of you.
Ditto. Ditto. Ditto. One everything everyone’s already commented… Love the photos of Maddy & the headphones, feel prouder of you than any person has a right to feel proud of a stranger who just ran their first 10K, and pretty much aching as your loss right along with everyone else. Still, you have Maddy and that’s more than a lot of people get in life. And, there’s Las Vegas…
I’m sitting here in my house in Chennai, India, devouring your writing, and getting myself caught up in the sanctity that is your wild ride of life.
I realize I’m a virtual stranger. I’m speechless. I’m saddened. I’m in awe.
Yet I come back here again and again to read, to follow, to hope.
I have so many thoughts but I’ll keep them to a few.
First – those pictures of Liz from last year. I can remember having the same feelings that those pictures so clearly show on Liz’s face. What a special thing to have to show Madeline when she gets old enough. She’ll have these pictures of her mom and she’ll get to see how excited she was, even in those first few moments!
Second – I can’t help but be touched every time I see you and Deb and Maddy together. Such a special bond that you all have… the love you all shared with Liz and the loss that you all feel with her gone and being able to share all of that together. You’re all so lucky to have each other!
p.s. Congrats on finishing the race!
Oh and my third point….love the tatoos!! Broke my heart and made me smile all in the span of 30 seconds!
Love Madeline’s little lip bubble, her itty bitty hand wrapped around your finger watching Obama, your tattoos, the headphones (i’m so impressed), the beer in both hands (I’m just pretending they were both yours)…awesome…love how the race no run, was at night, love the last 3 pics. Keep on, daddy.
I’m so sorry for the pain you feel. You’re doing a great job, though, and I bet Liz is very proud of you.
I know I’ve said this, but those headphones are such a great idea! I think I’m going to have to get some so LilB can go to concerts with us. Isn’t it crazy that people recognize you at a huge concert?
And I thought I would suggest Teething Tablets for Madeline. I use to use Oragel but it never lasted long and I hated giving so much Tylenol to LilB and then I remembered what my old sitter use to use for her littlest one. No one around here seems to know what they are, but I swear by them. There aren’t any side effects or anything, just relief from the pain. You can get them at any pharmacy
So glad you survived the run – told ya – never a doubt in my mind.
So many great pictures of Madeline. Loved the one of her blowing bubbles. So sorry about the days that were not so great.
Also – saw that your book it the first one on the bestsellers page!! Pretty awesome!!
As always – thinking of you and madeline here in the mn…
Dear Matt- I’ve read every post you’ve written. I’ve looked at every photo you’ve taken. From the outside looking in…I read your grief but feel as though the love you shared, may not have lasted in life as long as you would of liked, but is truly everlasting. As hard as you grieve.. in life you love harder. From the outside looking in the beautiful pictures of Liz cannot possibly compare to the beauty of her that only you know. Us lurkers (and that’s what we are
) watch you, read about you, check your website compulsively because we are all rooting for you and Madeline. Hoping and praying that you do just what your doing Matt Logelin living , your a living and breathing testament that life goes on… We wait with bated breath for your next picture of Maddy so we can see her growth and through your words we feel the love that literally seeps from you. I’m so sorry for your loss and yet I’ve never met you. I’m sorry that Madeline will not “meet” her mother and yet I know that she will “know” her better than some little girls will ever know their living ones. It all truly does fucking suck that this has happened to you. I love that you have Madeline thank
) and keep on remembering and loving and living. Just another stranger/friend admiring Madeline and you from afar.
Goodness you do. You need no other reason to keep on keeping on. A brand new life was left in your care and I don’t need to meet you in person to know that you are truly the right man for the job. Lay back in your slightly disheveled house
I love when you hold Madeline in the best John Cusack “Say Anything” style (she’s way cuter than that huge 80s stereo too).
Congrats on the run!
Tats are awesome!
I am sitting at my desk reading…laughing until the end! Those pics of Liz..she looks so happy! Crying at my desk once again!
Great job on the race. You’re daughter is changing all the time, how exciting for her to get to grow up in pictures. Thanks for sharing these with all of us. You’re a great daddy.
Congrats on the 5K, new tattoos and many other accomplishments.
Just wanted to confirm that you have the best baby ever. My 9 month old son could take sleeping lessons from Miss M. We were in Breckenridge this weekend and I couldn’t pay him to go to sleep. And I tried.
If you ever pass through the colorado, we need to have a playdate.
Thanks for catching us up.
Phew! What an update! Glad to read it all of course;) I loved the photos of liz and her pee stick. Such an amazing day I’m sure – I mean I’m positive! Heh. Anyway, glad you have those memories.
Congrats on finishing the run, from one non-runner to another. I’ll be in Vegas in the next few weeks as well, visiting family. Madeline will love watching the water show at the Bellagio.
Awesome baby…awesome DAD!!
HI Matt,
Congrats on the run! Way to go!
OMG love Madeline’s pics with the headphones. Love the one of her blowing bubbles. Her chunky legs. LOVE! She’s getting so big… so soon!
Addition to your tats… awesome! Wow that would’ve been great if you had Liz’s handwriting with her name and Maddy’s.
When will you be in Vegas? I’ll be there the 18-21! Is Maddy going to be in Vegas too?!
Love the end of your post and the pics of Liz. Her beautiful smile and the happiness that shows in her pics! Liz qould be so proud of you! Keep doing what you’re doing! Smile w/ Maddy and enjoy every min of every day! Hope you have a good week! take care!
Fuckity-fuck-fuck. So sorry, Matt. Sometimes it’s just one step forward, two steps back…yet you keep on keepin’ on. (This time for 10 whole K no less, too. Ouch-fucking-squared.)
I think one of the things that sets you apart is that it’s obvious (even if not to you) that you’d probably find a way to, even if you DID have a choice. You’re not putting one over on us — you ARE an amazing guy, in many ways…but also for that alone.
And Joyce (above somewhere) is right — Madeline WILL know her mom better than a lot of kids who see theirs everyday. And her dad, for that matter. That might seem like a Barbie band-aid on a gunshot wound, but it’s a fuck of a lot more than that…even if it’s not a fix.
Best I can wish for you today is that just as you could never have imagined on September 3, 2007, what pain you’d be living with on that date in 2008, may you have joy beyond your wildest imagining on this same date in 2009, with a walking, talking, hugging bundle of fun and energy by your side. Hope your knee feels better by then, too.
PS: If that Rob guy’s reading: Congratulations on your first 10K — and thanks again for being so nice and welcoming at Madeline’s pool party. We enjoyed meeting you!
the love in your voice in that video just shouts. Miss Maddie is so lucky to have you. And you are so lucky to have Miss Maddie. I believe that the two of you are going to conquer anything life may throw your way and thrive and prosper. After all, the worst has already happened.
Keep on Keeping on in love.
I just love her fluzzy head!
She’s not growing hair, she’s growing fur!
Gorgeous.
so much to comment on! I’ll try to keep it short & sweet today.
I love the additions to your tats.
I LOVE that you actually wrote out that the skirt you got for Miss M may show too many leg rolls!!! That is #1 Daddy all the way.
Great job on the run – you are my hero for getting in on that
. First, last, fuck it – I would have collapsed and never finished!
Why doesn’t it surprise me that you picture documented the positive prego test? Down the line, Miss M will get such a kick out of that.
I’m sorry that it hurts, all of these memories that were so beautiful and happy until you lost Liz. It might be hard for you to think of this, but it seems to me that Liz always, ALWAYS lit up the pictures, but it was you behind the camera. It’s easy to see that love from her too. I know, another stranger/friend who knows it all and never met you, but I see it in every picture so I have to tell ya.
Keep your head up…smile…hug that princess.
Love he photo of Liz pumping her fist in the air. It makes me smile and breaks my heart all at once.
Maddy’s crib bedding is adorable!!! Your pick or Liz’s?
When I saw your tattoo’s, before reading what they said, I thought one said “hoping” and the other “wish”. I thought refering to the dates, and “if only” kind of wishing and hoping. But their names in Hinu, they really are beautiful! to see and the sentiment!
sending prayers for you both!
Congrat’s on the 10k run Matt! Awesome that you finished in one piece.
love the pics of Madeline prior to your guests arriving, she has the most beautiful eyes and is looking more and more like her mom every day.
Ah, teething. Tylenol is good, and in a month, Ibuprofen will be even better. They get that pain relief, and they just pass out from the exhaustion of growing those little pearly whites. Also Hyland’s Teething Tablets (a homeopathic remedy that melts in the mouth) work pretty well for my son and worked like a charm for my friend’s two daughters.
Congratulations on running the 10K! I can barely imagine 5. But I bet the more you do it, the easier it gets.
Congrat on finishing the race! Madeline looks adorable as always… I am sorry for the pain you feel (both emotional and physical). I hope it hurts less, but when I see pictures of your wife, it reminds me that it must be really hard and I have no idea how painful everything must be for you. Hang in there!
Maddie most definately has her mom’s gorgeous eyes. I love looking at them and I’m sure you do too. Congrats on finishing the run!
PS- Hyland’s Teething Tablets, run to the store (yes, run on that sore knee) and pick some up. Total lifesaver for my early teether as well.
the last thoughts in the post gave me goosebumps. love the pictures of liz + the positive test.
LOVE the headphones! our 7-1/2 month old went to her 1st outdoor show yesterday, but no headphones. we sat in the back, and it wasn’t too loud. (her dad was psych’d that tom morello from rage against the machine was her first show)
hylands teething tablets. i have some as part of a package i’ve been meaning to send since we met you @ the pool party. . all natural, they disolve on her tongue, and seemed to help our daughter. i’ll work on getting your package in the mail, SOON, and pick some up in the meantime, around 5 bucks @ any major drug store
so how long is the line to buy you a drink in vegas?
Good work with the run. That looks like one hell of a crowd!
Those pics of Liz made me happy and sad at the same time. She looks so cute and natural, so excited to have that test. That was one of the most awesome moments of your lives to see that word – pregnant. I remember very well both times I saw that positive sign and the immense feeling of “whoa, I’m not just living for myself anymore.”
I know it must seem like a lifetime and just yesterday that those pics were taken. Either way, they’re adorable and I know you’re so glad that you have them.
I second Amber’s suggestion for an amber teething necklace. I thought you had received one as a gift from someone, but if you didn’t they’re worth every penny. threesisterstoys.com has them for under $13. My son, who is almost 20 months, cut most his teeth without much fuss. (The eye teeth are the worst though.)
Matt –
You are my boy, Tropic Thunder, Obama, and Kanye all in one week, I dub you my BFF.
Ok, let me give the gazillionath props for the Hyland’s teething tablets. They are quickly replacing Mylicon as our favorite “baby crack”. They have chamomile and belladonna (which I thought was poisonous, but I guess they just extracted the hell out of it)…they really help relax and ease the discomfort of teething.
Way. To. GO!!!! on completing your 10K! That’s so awesome. I particularly like the photo of you running with the McDonald’s sign in the background.
It looks like it was fun, despite the knee giving you trouble.
Congratulations on finishing the 10k! That’s amazing. I was giggling throughout your post, everything you said about leading up to the run, during the run, and after the run was hilarious.
Those pictures of Liz with the p.test are beautiful. She fell in love with Madeline at that moment and the love won’t ever stop!
You are Completely Freakin Awesome… you are so inspiring… I can only imagine how great you must have felt when you completed that race – GOOD FOR YOU! You are such an awesome Dad, Madeline is sure one lucky girl! Keep up the great work! Hope you have a blast while you’re here in Vegas… Las Vegas Welcomes you!
Take care!
actually K8, you need to buy four to help fund my debilitating film addiction. you’ll get bonus points with the robot if you do.
Joyce said it all. You are a great Daddy. Maddy looks like a perfect lady in her pink dress and you are a genious to think of the head phones.The picture of you with Maddy sleeping on your chest is just so …haunting. I could see Liz missing, yet that Maddy is the embodiment of everything you were together. She is the face of your love.
Jen
That was a packed post! The tats are gorgeous, the run was moo-ee impressive, and the pics of Liz were so sweet. Speaking of which, I’m not sure if you ever remembered what you did for your anniversary last year, but, given the timing, I’m willing to bet that it involved making a baby named Madeline!
I’ve been reading for a while now and never commented. Just think of me as another
strangerfriend who is captivated by your daughter and deeply touched by the way you’re taking care of each other. She certainly is a damn good reason to get up in the morning, when that has to be so hard. One Tuesday at a time.BTW, that is quite the low cut outfit Madeline’s wearing in the first video. I want to see her in the denim mini. Chubby baby thighs are the best! She’s just delish!
soo much to comment on…
love the new tats
love the pics…madeline is getting so big, liz is gorgeous even when she’s sick of taking pictures, and the robot…love the robot.
huge, big, ginormous kudos on surviving a 10K!!!
hope this tuesday was kind to you. hugs to you both from the mn.
Bravo on completing the 10k! You’re way ahead of many of us who haven’t even done one.
Those pictures of Madeline that you took on Friday night? She is the spitting image of Liz. Beautiful.
Love the new tattoos as well.
I am so sad to know you are in so much pain everyday. I wish I could make it go away. I hope that this blog and the comments posted here give you comfort and strength.
As for Maddie’s pain:
- get a clean wash cloth
- run it under cold water
-put it in the freezer for 10 or 15 minutes, if you want it extra cold.
Then let her chew on it. My grandma did it for my mom, my mom did this for me, and I use this trick with my kids. It works,it’s free, and they love it. Plus they look really goofy trying to cram the whole thing into their tiny mouth…my daughter also growled while chewing the washcloth. We now call her Allie-Bear, for obvious reasons.
thanks for the super long post! i loved reading it during my 1/2 hour break in between two classes! thanks for sharing
Hey Matt–keep it up with the headphones! Thanks to loud music (Queen) (I was born in ’68), I have permanent hearing loss. It was set in by age 10 (I was obsessed with Queen by age 5–no my parents were not cool, they had no idea I was sneaking out of bed to watch ‘em on the Midnight Special with Wolfman Jack).
Now I have slight hearing loss and worse: Tinnitus. The ringing in my ears will last forever. I have to sleep with a fan on to cover up the ringing so I can sleep.
So thank you for caring about her delicate ears. Keep up the good work.
you are one fuckin amazing guy. I have been reading since the beginning, and I am still in awe…fuck pain/love the tats/hate the unfairness of it all
Congrats on the run!! Loved M’s protective ear gear- what a sweet pea!! As hard as it is to see the pics of Liz, I can only imagine how much it will mean to Maddy to see how wanted and loved she was by her Mom. Blessings to you both!
Madeline keeps getting more beautiful every day. My daughter is a month older, and I can promise you that it just keeps getting more fun as they get older. You are doing such an amazing job with her. She’s lucky to have you.
Your my hero!
Saw you and Madeline leaving Disneyland today as we were arriving. She was asleep, looking like an angel. Didn’t want to disturb you so my husband and I just walked on by. Know that we are praying for you and loving you.
I wish you continued strength, and happier days. Your life will always be blessed because of Liz and Madeline. Take care.
I really can’t imagine what it’s like losing your Liz the way that you did. It just is awful, and will never be right. We lost a family memeber suddenly, and it just was never okay, even after 20+ years (it definitely got better, but it’s never been okay that she’s gone). I really admire your ability to find joy and energy in Maddy and your friends and family. Not everyone could do that. I’m also really glad that Madeline looks so much like Liz – it’s not often that the resemblance is so striking just through photos, but it really is amazing. It seems like it must be a really comforting and awesome way to be reminded of Liz, and have her exist in your day-to-day lives.
My long message yesterday got lost, so I must paraphrase….
@ Yosra – you comments are the best! I’m going through some tough crap of my own, and while I know your words are meant for Matt, I have found them to be very comforting.
@ Matt – Way to go on the 10k. That looked like a fun race. If you are ever in MN in mid Sept you really should check out the James Page 5k Blubber Run. It’s hard to find a more low key running event. Plus, they have beer – both at the end of the race and at a race stop at the half way mark. I’ve never had a beer at the half way mark. I’m afraid I’ll puke when I start running again.
Those pictures of Liz with the positive test were both beautiful and so incredibly sad. I hate the loss you have to face every day, Matt. I wish you and Madeline the best, always.
So you have tasted the amazing flavours of argentinian foodt…good! very good! …IF food was great in the Los Angeles, WAIT to eat argentinian food in situ!!!
Wishing you a GOOD day for you and Maddy!
You are doing a MAGNIFICENT job!
besos y abrazos
Sol
I’m jealous you got to meet k8! Hopefully we’ll go to Disneyland next year and meet all of you!
Good for you finishing the race. I did a 5K this year and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have made 10K.
I can’t wait to see if you still hold Maddy over your head for pics as she gets older. It’s kindof your trademark now. Can’t wait to see it when she’s a teenager!
My Conner-Bean has a pair of those, but now he never wears them when he’s supposed to, just runs around the house with them on.
Hugs. I wished you continued strength. Way to go on the run! Madeline is looking more and more like Liz. As for the teething, we resorted to Tylenol for the first teething pain too. After that, it was Orajel. A cold washcloth helps too. And those teethers. All for chewing on. When I read about how you’re still counting in weeks and months instead of years, just remember it goes by real fast and before you know it, you’re looking at your little girl wondering where the time went. It doesn’t seem like it now, but once you’re there, it’ll seem to have gone by too fast. Enjoy the time as much as possible. It’s hard, but… Anyway, enough unsolicited advice from me. You’re such a great dad. And good for you, thinking about the ear protection, unlike some of the other parents.
LOVE the tattoos! So awesome!
Madeline is just precious, we love her here in Arkansas!
You should go to LA Ink (or whatever that actual name of the shop is, I’ve been there but can’t remember) and have Kat tattoo a picture of Madeline and Liz together on you. She would be fabulous at combing two pictures together….
You are still amazing me each time I read. That girl of yours is getting more and more gorgeous each time I read too!
Matt;
There is going to be an awesome art show this weekend in LA… It features one of your favorite things.. ROBOTS!!!
You should check out the link. Hope to see you there.
http://www.coreyhelfordgallery.com/
<3 Audrey
and I thought it was going to be all about the tatoos. Then.. there is the end. Powerful writing.
You are amazing. My heart hurts. One moment at a time, Sweet Matt and Madeline. Liz would be soooooo very proud of you.
phew – you made it through the run! awesome. glad you didn’t talk yourself out of it. easy for me to say from the comfort of my couch.
sounds like you have had some more memorable times with friends and family. so great that you get support from all over. and how cool that you ran into stranger/friends at the race.
as others have mentioned above, powerful pics of liz with THE test. so much happiness shining in her face. i am glad you have all these pictures to hang onto.
i hope the rest of your week is going OK. keep on counting things in months, weeks, days and minutes. you will count in years when you are ready.
have a great time in vegas. i’ve never been there, so can’t wait to see it through your eyes.
(((hugs)))
matt,
so sorry that you are feeling so much pain. squeeze that baby a little tighter… she’ll give you what you need.
*hugs*
Damn. The pictures you shared of Liz with the positive pregnancy test took my breath away. And then I cried. Shit, shit, shit.
You’re doing one hell of a job- give that sweet little bundle of beauty a gentle squeeze.
Keep on keeping on….
Congrats on the race! I’m sorry that a happy memory now has to be so sad. Keep loving that baby. The mothers in my mom’s group swear by Hyland’s Teething tablets!
Matt- I’m sure you are getting a milion suggestions for teething relief for Maddy, but when I saw the photo of her chewing on your finger, I had to pass this along. My little guy loved to chew on anyone’s hand he could get a hold of until we got him this teether. It gently vibrate when they bite down on it and it massages the gums. It’s less than $8 on this awsome website that has all kinds of gadgets we never even knew we needed. My husband has since banned me from buying anything else from there. I’m addicted.
I’m the one that sent you the snack cup and placemat and robot t-shirt for your little one- and this website is where those things came from too.
Matt, you are doing such a wonderful job. Madeline is thriving and it is so beautiful to watch her learn and grow. Thank you so much for sharing with us. You inspire me every day.
Blessings.
http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=160&cmSource=Search
http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=534925&cmSource=Search
I hate it too–that we’re both having to do this, 1 year for you and 4 years for me after such great highs. It was four years ago tonight that my contractions started and I went into labor, with my husband alive, well, and present. And here it is, 4 years later, about to hit my child’s 4th birthday without her father, with her father dead. And it still fucking sucks. This time right now was around when we got to the hospital, and I hate that I know that so specifically.
Somehow the vague-but-not-timestamped memories aren’t quite as painful as the ones you know EXACTLY when and where they happened. Or at least that’s how it is for me since being widowed.
HUGS congrats to you for finishing the run! And for surviving the week too, especially since you said the early part of it was awful.
Hang in there. And I think the new tattoos are awesome.
hi Matt, Madeline is a cutie pie. you are doing a wonderful job. keep it up.
just wanted to bring this to your notice. I’m from south india so I cannot read Hindi very well but in yout tatoo of elizabeth the last alphabet looks more like “Ya” or “Y” in hindi than “th”. as I said I’m not sure but may be you would like to verify it.
Take care.
The shear enormity of the comments here astounds. And, mostly FEMALE!
Methinks Matt has become a bit “Sam from Sleepless in Seattle”. Which could be amusing or frustrating, depending on the angle you look at it.
WELL done on meeting the goal Matt!
I am SO very proud of you!
My daughter Lilly loves to sit here and see photos and videos of Madeline. She points and says baby. I’m trying to get her to say Baby Maddy. She tries, but she has yet to perfect it!
I love the hearing protection, totally something my husband would do, something I’d forget to do!
You are doing an awsome job!!! Great job with the run. Hell the fact that you did it is great. I would be like omg no. I can’t run, at all. I’m too out of shape, but in my defense I have a one month old. LOL So I’m allowed to be a fat ass, even if just for a bit! hahaha
I am so sorry.. Seems damned unfair your wife is not there right now, damned proud of your run and holding Madeline.
Good for you though, for continuing to get OUT there and challenging yourself repeatedly. You are LIVING and for that I am grateful. Too easy to slink away and hide in such times. But you continue to impress and inspire me.
Hey there Matt. I’ve been a long time “lurker” to your page and think you are an AMAZING father. My husband and I read your blogs and just wish and pray that if one of us were to lose each other, we carry ourselves in as much pride and strength that you have.
I see you are now coming to Vegas and just wanted to say that if you are up for a drink on us….we would love to meet you. We gladly accept the role of
stranger friends. :pI have just come across this blog. My heart goes out to you and your family. What a beautiful daughter you have and she is very lucky to have such an awesome papa.
Blessings to you all