***monday***
birthday week 23/52.
madeline is showing her
age, moving while
awake and in
her sleep.
she’s also spending
more and more
of the daylight hours
awake, which makes
writing (among other things) very difficult.
today…i couldn’t wake up.
i heard the laughs in
the bassinet.
i wanted to get up,
but my
eyes wouldn’t open
and my legs
wouldn’t work.
luckily i had
the luxury
of sleeping in,
thanks in large part to
some of you creeps
out there, whose money
allowed awesome auntie
deb to come down
and take care of
madeline while i took
part in the race run/walk on sunday.
and now on monday,
when i was too tired to
get off the couch,
deb stepped in and
fed and changed madeline.
i finally got up
around 9:00 and
with a limp in
my step i stole
maddy back from deb.
renee and rob stopped
by with donuts, and coffee/tea
before heading to
the lax for their flight.
deb left at 10:30 to head
back to the sf.
i started cleaning up
my house so that
my next visitor
wouldn’t get
buried by the mountain
of paperwork on
my coffee table.
mina arrived right on
time, but sooner
than she should have
because i was still
cleaning up.
i let her in, both of
us recognizing each other
from one of the
many trips i made
to visit
liz
sometime last century,
when they were
both at scripps.
despite the facial
recognition, neither one of us
knew the other that well.
but mina knew
liz
very well and she wanted
to meet madeline.
she recently learned about
liz’s
death courtesy
of the scripps alumnae magazine.
(the alumni magazine from my university listed liz’s death a few months ago, then listed madeline’s birth in the most recent issue…mighty confusing, but i was likely the only one who noticed that).
she brought my baby
a couple of books
and an envelope with
photos from the time
she spent in college
with madeline’s mom.
(haven’t been able to open them quite yet…soon).
we visited for awhile,
mina holding madeline
the entire time.
she shared some
great memories of
liz,
pausing to make sure
i was comfortable
talking about her.
i assured her that
i was, despite the fact
that i was crying
the entire time.
it was such an amazing
thing to hear
the things that she
had to say…
i spent a lot of time
out in claremont with
liz,
but i wasn’t
around when, for instance,
she was working
as a computer consultant
in the computer lab
on campus.
we continued the conversation
over lunch at the
cuban restaurant in
the atwater village.
realized that
this visit was quite
a gift.
at one point
i stopped mina and
asked her to
hold these memories
tight so she can
share them with madeline someday.
i don’t want to be
the only one responsible
for preserving her mother’s
legacy…i’ll likely fuck
up some details along
the way.
(my memory is not that great).
after lunch we
went back
to my house and continued talking.
auntie aislinn stopped by
in the mid-afternoon,
carrying an awesome
outfit for madeline.
mina left after
a while and i spent
some time talking with aislinn.
after aislinn left,
i drove to the weho
to have dinner
with cara.
i wasn’t exactly the
best company…
was thinking about
all the things i had
heard earlier in the
day, sad that
there weren’t going
to be any future stories
to share with
madeline, only stories
from the past,
reconstructed from memories
few of us deemed important
enough to preserve.
now the smallest details
are the most important
’cause they’re the ones
that will be overlooked.
suddenly i sneezed,
warning cara before i
did so.
she was surprised that
i took the time
to warn her.
then i told her why…
i sneeze loudly…
very loudly.
while in a confined space
(like a car)
my sneeze
would scare the shit
out of
liz.
she’d yell at me
that i should warn
her before sneezing.
i used to tell her
that a warning
was impossible…
how the fuck was i
supposed to suppress
a sneeze long enough
to warn her
it was coming?
well, over the years
i figured out how
to do just that,
simply to keep from
scaring her.
and she always thanked
me when i was able
to sound the warning.
now that’s fucking love.
***back to reality***
finished dinner, said
goodbye to cara
and drove home
listening to an album
that makes me
feel something.
got home,
madeline still asleep after
getting a diaper
change and being placed
in her bassinet.
i stayed up,
unable to sleep.
the dark clouds are billowing
above my head.
***tuesday***
woke up to
laughter.
fucking awesome.
seriously.
no matter how bad
things get,
madeline is there to
right things.
gave her a bottle
before the hunger
tears came.
then we played
our new favorite
game; catch the drool
with the burp cloth
before it lands
on something.
so far, she’s way better
at the game than i am.
as we got ready
to head to the
park for our
tuesday play date,
madeline’s erupting teeth
told her to scream
loud enough
to wake the dead.
change of plans…
i’ll work on soothing
the child at home
rather than
taking her to the park.
fine.
the teeth win this time,
even though what i
really needed was a
little bit
of adult conversation
to get my mind off
of things.
got the little lady to quiet
down a few
minutes later.
at 12:30 we left the
house, heading to
the west side to have lunch
at one of
liz’s
favorite restaurants.
decided to take a different
route this time,
something that
liz
and i would do
from time-to-time
to try to stake our claim
as the one who
had a better grasp
of how to get around
the los angeles.
i turned a corner
onto a street
i rarely ever drive,
and for the first time
since she died,
i,
with all the instinct of
a guy completely and
eternally in love,
picked up the
phone to tell
liz
that i was way
better at driving than
she is.
caught myself before
actually dialing her
number, but
it sucked just the same.
made it to lunch
before the folks
we were to meet.
hung out with madeline,
and was approached by
a father and
his little girl.
it seems that she wanted to
get a glimpse of madeline.
we talked to each
other as parents do,
reciting our child’s stats
the way i used
to rattle off batting averages
and home-run totals of all
my favorite players.
it felt like a weird
competition, both
of our daughters premies,
his smaller than mine
at birth, his spending
longer in the nicu,
his with
some minor long-term
medical issues.
it was kind of
nice to lose that battle.
he asked lots
of questions about the
time leading up to
and after the birth,
but he didn’t
ask the question,
so i left that minor
detail out.
the guy and his family
left and i was
able to go
back to staring at my baby.
larry, jessica and baby joey
arrived soon after
with a gift for madeline
and we talked for
a while before
ordering lunch.
ordered
liz’s
favorite menu item
(ok…it was my favorite as well, well before she died).
and laughed at the children
at the table.
had a great lunch,
tab picked up by
larry and jessica,
then it was goodbye and back
across town.
wanted a little time alone
with madeline
’cause i’m about to be
away from her for a
little while.
we hung out together
until the late afternoon,
practicing a little tummy time
while watching the
convention of that
other political party.
auntie anya stopped by
at 7:00, here to
watch madeline so i could
join bob for a
show at spaceland.
bob arrived a little bit
later and we all stared
at madeline before heading
to a french restaurant i
recently noticed in
the atwater village.
had a great dinner
then made it
to spaceland in time
to see the headlining band
(sort of) opening for itself.
a great show and
an even better night.
just what i needed
to take my mind
off of those photos of
a happy
liz
smiling with that pregnancy test.
the four
pbrs helped a little, too.
got home and found
madeline passed out
in auntie anya’s arms…
they both looked
pretty content.
got the babysitter’s report:
good with a prolonged
bout of crying, likely due to
the eruption of teeth.
i thanked her,
took madeline back and
laid her in her bassinet,
assuring her that relief
would come tomorrow.
no back at home
with no distraction,
i stayed up long
enough to see
my dad back in the mn
start his day by
signing onto his computer.
that’s not good.
decided that i should
try to get to sleep.
this tuesday was one of
the toughest,
not because it was
a tuesday…
because it was another
day without
liz.
***wednesday***
i’ve been dreading this
day for awhile.
i need to do a whole
bunch of car-related things,
things that will take
all damn day.
and no better time
than today because
thursday i leave
for a road trip to
the las vegas.
started my day by dragging
madeline to a place where
i could get some
new tires.
slowly ate
a $1.50 hotdog
as i waited for an hour
and a half
for the dudes
to replace my tires.
wanted to waste some
time in the baby store
next door, but
had forgotten
all the gift cards that
some of you folks
have sent my way.
decided to wait.
finally got my car back
and headed off
to get a smog check
and an oil change.
madeline slept,
and eventually
woke up so
i fed her as we waited.
i fell asleep with
her in my arms,
waking up to a
mechanic staring at us.
a little disconcerting,
but i imagine he
felt just as akward.
after the work was
completed on my car,
we ran home and grabbed
the gift cards.
drove back to the kid’s store
and bought madeline
a few things she
desperately needed,
including the teething
tablets many
of you suggested.
from there we drove
to another store
to pick up some
stuff for my trip.
made it through target
without incident,
noticing that i’m getting
fewer of the “where’s the mother”
questions than i used to…
i think it has something
to do with the fact
that madeline no longer
looks brand new and fragile.
got home and
madeline spent the early
afternoon taking a nap.
eventually she woke up.
after her bottle
i got an opportunity
to test out those
teething tablets.
um…they work.
and fast.
those tablets dissolved and
she was completely out.
magic.
thank you.
she woke up
a little later and
a happy madeline
tested out her new stuff.
tried to get her
to look at the camera,
but all she wanted
to do was stare
at those 2pac shoes
(liz would be so pissed…she hated the 2pac shoes).
then she chewed
on my fingers for
a little while.
a little more play time
then rhonda arrived, took my
dinner order than
headed out to pick it up.
she came back
with the food,
and held madeline while
i ate.
she offered to hang
out with her
while i packed madeline
for her stay
at the house of gentle ben,
and me for my
trip to the los vegas.
i took her up on that,
but didn’t get anything
accomplished ’cause i
spent the evening
teaching madeline about evil watching the rnc.
rhonda left without eating
her dinner,
choosing to hold
madeline the entire time.
put madeline in her
bassinet and got as
far as my office.
here i am.
4:10am, taking advantage
of the quiet time
by writing,
not packing.
soon madeline will be
up, laughing away
and i won’t want to
sleep through it
this time…
i’ll be away from her
until sunday so i’m
gonna take in as much
as i can.
i kinda want to wake
her up,
just so we can hang out.
of course i won’t.
i’ll just take my
place on the couch
and once again
try to find
a way to
to get my eyes
to stay closed.
158 Comments
Love Madeline’s onesie!! And she looks so grown up in her new chair… wow!
WIll save all my other thoughts and just wish you a fantastic day. I hope you enjoy your trip to Sin City — I hope it goes quickly as I’m sure you’re going to miss Madeline SOOOOO much!
She’s getting so grown-up! Love the picture of her in the Bumbo wearing the “Tiny Democrat” shirt. I bet Madeline got treated to some colorful swearing during the RNC speeches. Talk about the total opposite of the Garden of Awesome!!!
Her big big big eyes are gorgeous, under that chicken fluffy head of hair!
first?
You and Madeline are going to LOVE the Bumbo. Her little peach fuzz is too cute. Hope your travels are safe and your trip is a nice break.
Can’t believe she’s getting SO big!!
Oh, and I heart the Tiny Democrat t-shirt. Rock on, girl!
Have fun in LA!!
Have a great road trip. I can only imagine how hard it will be to be away from Madeline but try to enjoy yourself.
P.S. thanks for the review on the teething tablets, my 5month old son is also going thru the eruption stage, I’m going to give them a try.
Have fun on your road trip! Little Maddy looks to be entralled with those 2pac shoes. . . your little girl is getting so very big! I’m glad you found someone to recount Liz’s college memories. Maddy will treasure those when she goes off to college. . .
hugs from Chicago and best wishes for a long nap sometime in the near future for you!
Hi Matt,
You are doing such a great job. I cannot believe how big madline is getting. She is so beautiful. Congrats on finishing the race…you rock! Thanks again for sharing your lives with us.
Debbie
LOVE Madeline’s Dem shirt. I think I was too tired to notice the little things when my own children were babies…so nice to read your take on it all with Madeline.
Matt, she is looking so fricken adorable!!! That first picture of her in the bumbo chair is sooo amazing!!! She has the most expressive eyes!! I love reading your blog, and it makes me cry often – surely not as much as it does you.
Great post and have a blast in Las Vegas! Where did you get that great democrat onesie? I want to get one – my hubby works for the democrats and he’ll LOVE it! She is gorgeous Matt, you must be very proud. And waking up to baby laughter IS the best thing in the world. With Isaac, I wake up to the tv monitor and see Isaac’s smiling face two millimeters from the camera smiling into it – my minds knows it’s because he’s fascinated by the little red light on the camera, but my heart says he’s telling me good morning!
Matt,
This was a great post.
Maddy is getting so big, I love watching her grow. Great job on the shopping trip. Maddy looks like she loves her Bumbo!
Have a great time on your trip!!
I love the video. She is such a happy baby. Have a wonderful trip to the Vegas!!
Matt, the teething tablets ARE magic. Meant to tell you that in another post but glad you’ve got them. Stock up – they are fucking awesome. Enjoy your trip and try to get some sleep… we’ll miss you but can’t wait to see awesome pics when you return.
Keep on keeping on. You’re doing it. xoxo
Emily in the Indy
I’m headed to Vegas tomorrow for work, and if I see you there, you can bet your ass I’m buying you a drink!
I love the photo of Madeline in her new chair (those are awesome!) and in her little Dem t-shirt. Adorable!
Long time lurker…Have a safe trip Matt! Enjoy your well deserved vacation. Madeline has gotten SO big! Go Democrats!
I’m absolutely lovin’ her ‘tiny democrat’ outfit!
Drive safe, Have fun, take care and ENJOY life!
besos y abrazos
Sol
p.s. Go CREEPS Go!
Have a great trip to the Las Vegas!! I know you will miss Madeline, but think how excited you will be to see her once you get back home
Enjoy your trip to Vegas.
I love, love, LOVE Maddy’s “Tiny Democrat” t-shirt. Adorable. And it looks like she enjoys the bumbo chair.
Hi! I have been reading your blog since the beginnging and I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story with all of us. It’s been amazing to watch Madeline grow. I love little babies, but this time is just as great, well besides the teething thing! Thanks again and keep up the good work!
Madeline is getting to be such a big girl! It is funny how such a little person can make things right. I am sure you have already figured it out, but it just keeps getting better every day. When you think she couldn’t be any cuter or more fun, she’ll surprise you. Enjoy every moment.
Hey Matt,
Enjoy your time in the Las Vegas!!
Love the video of Madeline in her little seat. My nephew has one & just loves it. She does look like she’s either trying to fly… or like those are her angel wings or something. Adorable. she’s growing & changing so fast!
Have a safe & fun trip!
Your doing a magnificent job, even with all the help I believe you could be doing this completely on your own. You are a very strong man and you truly deserve some sort of robot shaped metal of valor. Teeth coming in huh, I guess Matty will be trying some solid foods soon, I can’t wait for that.
I’m glad to hear the teething tablets are helping Madeline. Teething sucks! Too bad she will be doing it for most of the next 2 years. I see Madeline likes her Bumbo seat! That has to be one of the best baby product inventions in recent years. I had one for my youngest and it worked good as a bath seat too. I just stuck it in the tub, and afterward it dried really quick and that way my baby could splash and play with toys without me having to worry about her falling over in the water. I’m sorry the dark clouds have been hanging around again lately. I hope you have a good time in Vegas and can take your mind off things for awhile. Have a safe trip.
Have a great time in Vegas!! Being away from Madeline will be difficult, but having some “fun guy time” may be a nice distraction. Madeline is getting soooo big, as you are well aware. Also, prettier & prettier every day!!
I read every day. Madeline is getting so big so fast! Have fun in Las Vegas.
Oh she looks so grown up in that little chair. She is so precious! My dd (she is
loves to look at pictures of her. She is of the age where she just loves babies.
I love the Tiny Democrat t-shirt and the lesson in “what is evil.” Never, ever too early to start.
Have a fantastic trip. Be good to yourself, Daddy. You deserve it.
Wow, I have so many things to say, but I kept forgetting them as I read. I’ll have to start taking notes!
1) Awesome that you actually were getting some sleep for once!
LOVE Maddy in the Bumbo chair pictures! And thank you for posting the videos too – can’t get enough of that cutie pie!
2) Love that Madeline wakes up giggling!
3) How awesome that you got to hear all the stories about Liz from Mina! I can imagine Liz touched a lot of lives, and you will get to hear a lot stories from her friends in the future.
4) Still love to hear you write “my baby.”
5) Very sweet how you warned Liz (and others) about your scary sneezes.
6) I know Tuesday was tough, but it sounded like you smiled more than usual. Thanks, Madeline
7) Cool how the teething tablets worked like everyone said!
9) HAVE A GREAT TIME IN VEGAS!! I know you will miss your baby, but she will be back in your arms before you know it! Take care.
Okay, Auntie Aislinn is either really tiny or Madeline is getting BIG (in a baby-big kinda way)! Love her t’shirt! And she is totally thinking she is a big girl in that new little seat. She’s (almost) freeee…waving her arms up in the air (like she just don’t care)!
Glad you got the teething tablets. They do work wonders…they do. They do.
I’m so glad you seem to be surrounded by friends all the time. Good. And that you travel. Good. I love how you say “my baby”. Love that. And that little hand wrapped around your finger gets me *every time*. I can’t believe you changed Madeline’s diaper and she slept through it. Are you the baby whisperer, or what? You are, aren’t you?!
Have fun. Keep on, daddy.
Madeline looks adorable in her little bumbo seat. We had one of those before they came out with the nifty trays for them!!! Hope you have a great time in Vegas!
hi matt…you have had some monster posts these last few days…thanks for keeping us all updated! not sure if it is as much for you as much as it is to keep all us stranger/friends (yeah, i can’t do the strikethrough) quiet! although i hope it is – i hope that everything you are doing now, including posting about every single day, is in some way helping you heal.
the video of madeline is so precious (and i heard your minnesota accent for the first time in that one!). my goddaughter is about 3 months older than maddy and i am amazed at how much she is growing and becoming her own little person.
keep up the amazing work and enjoy your trip to vegas.
Your taste in politics, beer, and shoes are quite stellar.
It looks like Madeline is trying to give her own little convention speech. Again, excellent shirt.
I think that there will be many people who will love sharing their memories of Liz with Madeline when she gets older. That is going to be a really wonderful and special thing for her.
I don’t know who left the comment about the frozen wash cloths for teething, but that shit works! I tried it last night. So, thanks.
Have a good time in Vegas and have some fun!
Delurking to say…
You are a great father, a loving husband, a vivid writer, a fantastic photographer. I’m in awe of your strength, even though it may be hard to see in yourself. Madeline knows it too, she’s just not able to say all those words yet.
P.S. Neutral Milk makes me feel alive too.
You have a gorgeous gorgeous baby! Madeline just takes my breath away! I love the pics of her in her bumbo. She seems quite pleased that she’s sitting up!
Pssst, you shouldn’t expose your beautiful child to that RNC garbage. The lies will rot her brain!
Have fun in Vegas!
Lovin’ the Tiny Democrat shirt…more proof that you are raising that kid right!!
The Democrat shirt rocks! Have a blast in Vegas, and thank goodness for teething tablets =)
LOVE the tiny democrat t-shirt. LOVE all the pics of her! Enjoy your trip to Vegas! Have some serious fun (aka;get seriously drunk)!
Since what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, maybe Gentle Ben could offer recaps of Madeline’s adventures over the weekend? Like a fill-in anchor position!
I wonder if you’ll be surprised by how much you miss her. But I hope you won’t let that interfere with having some much-needed fun. She’ll be fine (assuming Ben doesn’t get her a NKOTB tramp stamp while you’re gone just to mess with you) — and the look on her face when you get back will be sooo worth it.
Also, you seem like a pretty peaceful guy, but maybe you should find something to punch? If it were me, I’d really need something to punch sometimes…like after picking up the phone to call Liz…or watching the RNC, for that matter. Just make sure you pick something that can’t punch back. That’s key.
Have a great mini-getaway!
Love the “Tiny Democrat” t-shirt! Much to the hubby’s dismay, you can bet I’ll be making our future children sport those!
All the best from ‘the’ Cincinnati!
Excellent Onesie! My fifteen month old loves watching videos of Madeline. I do too. Though I feel a little heart break each time I read a post.
Love hearing about all of the stories of your adventures with Madeline! You are doing a great job as a new dad!!!
Have a great time in Vegas!!!
Not taking Maddy to Vegas…? What better place to teach her about evil?!
Have some great time away, and keep on with the indoctrination.
beautiful.
Those teething tablets are saving our ass in this house too. Moira started teething before her 4 month birthday and was not (is not) a happy girl about it.
I love the photos of Maddy chewing on your hands – priceless!
More teething advice:
Frozen Bananas… when she gets a bit older (b/c the teething never ends) well… not until they’re like 1.5.
Ok, the big question:
Do they still make the Tupac shoes? And if so, where can I get them?
the videos of Madeline are just so cute. I love when you post the videos. Have fun in Las Vegas!
Just wanted to tell you to have a great time in Vegas! Madeline will miss you but it will be so great when you reunite!
Seeing her in that bumbo was the highlight of my morning – I have one for Zoe and her legs are so chubilicious that she didn’t look quite as comfy as Madeline does. But they are great as they are learning to sit and holding themselves up. Glad the teething tablets worked – those first couple of teeth really can do a number on our little ones!
Enjoy your time in Vegas!
Take care,
Jen and Zoe in the MN
Awesome pics! You should send a few of Maddie in her T to McCan’t and Sarah Barracuda, just for spite.
There’s one vote they won’t be getting. Love it.
You can just see her little personality growing, even in photos…she’s gorgeous, and despite the teeth, looks so very happy. She knows she’s loved.
You have one beautiful girl on your hands, Matt! The pics of her in the new seat, wow! No denying you truly have a little peice of Liz sitting right there in front of you!
Like many mentioned above, glad you got the teething tablets. They were God sent for me as well when my lil guy was a baby.
As if you need to be told, enjoy Vegas! There is something about it that takes you away from reality for awhile…take advantage of it! I’ll wave to you on your way…I work right off Haven Ave in Rancho/Ontario!
Madeline is growing up so fast! She gets more and more beautiful with every picture. I loved the mornings when my now 2 1/2 yr old was around Madeline’s age and would wake up so happy. My 8 month old does that now..she’s so happy in the mornings – talking to herself in her crib – and gets so excited to see the 1st person to walk into her room!!
Have a fun and safe trip to Vegas!! I’ll be there next weekend! It stinks to be away from the little one’s but when you get home they are so happy to see you!
Christine
Matt,
Your baby is such a cutie pie! Have you ever thought of recording Liz’s friends and co-workers as they recount their memories of Liz? Memories do have a way of fading with time and as we get older
, and this would be a wonderful way to keep the stories for Madeline to listen to when she is old enough to understand.
Best of luck in Vegas!
Amy
Love Love the Bumbo pics!! It’s so cool to see her Sitting up instead of just laying down.
Hope you have a great time in Vegas…enjoy it, you need some time for yourself!
I was really hoping that she would spit up on the “dem” shirt! I think that I would use that as a burp cloth or to wipe her butt.
Other than that, she is such a cutie. Best wishes in Vegas.
Isn’t it great that Maddy can now view her world from a sitting position. Bumbos are the greatest. Just watch her when she gets a bit stronger, they can arch their backs and flop out (if the tray is off). Glad to hear the teething tablets helped, she may get some relief from a cold baby washcloth she can chew on. You’re an amazing Daddy. This from your friend in Saugus who apparently is the only Republican in your army of stranger friends. Still love you guys though! Have a great time in Vegas….
She is adorable in her bumbo seat!
This post made me LOL so many times! Except for the sad parts.
But gawd, Maddy’s face when she’s chewin’ on your feeners — just PRICELESS!!!
Thank you for teaching Madeline about the evil RNC. I tried to watch them, just to give them equal time, but Sarah Palin… ach. I can’t even stand to LOOK at her! Add the tone of her voice to it, and… blech. I dunno why all those gals — her, Cindy M., Laura B. — have such a bad affect on me. I like the gals on “our” team so much better!
Okay, I’ll shut it now. Have a fucking AWESOME time in Vegas! Can’t wait to see THOSE pix — who you’re with, where you’re stayin’, yadda yadda yadda.
xoxo
Ha, good to see that Madeline likes her Bumbo (my son did not, so I’m glad we didn’t buy our own). Glad to hear that the tablets are working, too. And I have to say she’s starting to get some chubby cheeks and arms… doesn’t look like a NICU graduate at all.
I think she’ll be a singer.
She is so darn cute. Have fun in Vegas.
Madeline is gorgeous! Look how big she’s getting! You are an awesome Dad. I’m a single Mom and I know how hard it is to do everything by yourself all the time. You rarely get a break, and when you do, you feel guilty that you’re away from your child. I hope you can enjoy yourself in Vegas and give yourself the break that you need. Hopefully it will rejuvenate you so you can go home and be even more awesome for Madeline!
Mmmm…who do you think Madeline is talking to and laughing with when she wakes up? I have a pretty good idea….don’t you?
I’ll be looking forward to seeing Miss M. in a Vegas shirt when you get back. Have a fucking great time.
You must go here for some Oktoberfest celebrating!! Yes I know it’s still September but they celebrate ALL year long….uh huhhhh
http://www.hofbrauhauslasvegas.com/
I’ll be at the LA County Fair Sunday and maybe I can find my own Oink Hat! Cheers Yorsa!
Have a great time in Vegas. Can’t wait to see the pic’s and here about your adventures, as I’m sure, knowing you, you’ll come across many interesting things.
Fuck the Asshats
Go Pork!!
Cheers fucker!
Matt-Have a wonderful time in Vegas. Might be good to get out and have some “guy” time.
Sometimes its the day to day stuff that is so hard. The inadvertant phone call-its like a reflex thing that you just DO…catches you off guard at times…sigh…
The pics of Maddie chewing your fingers are priceless….And the sneezing thing??? My mother is a very loud sneezer…used to make the dog pee every time she did it. I have BEGGED her to warn us when she does it, but she has not yet mastered the art. I can appreciate Liz’s need for a heads up.!!
Can’t believe you are letting Gentle Ben have your child for several days. You just KNOW her head is going to be filled with all sorts of nonsense afterwards (JK Ben-the Creeps love ya!)
Have fun in Vegas! Take lots of pics!
p.s.-We are still collecting for Jackie, if anyone is interested. Please email me at mcasey_2000@yahoo.com
Love the “Tiny Democrat” shirt!
Hi Matt! I love reading your blog and love Maddy like she is one of my own little family members! I really admire your courage and strength, and pray for you daily.
Just one thing… I am a little offended by the evil republican comment, and I’m sure other readers might be too. This evil republican has spent a lot of time and money donating to you and your family, and putting together gifts for you. I am just a college student also working fulltime for a nonprofit organization and also doing volunteer work on the side. I consider myself a generous person, and I chose to be a republican because of my conservative values and support of the war in Iraq, not because I am a greedy EVIL? person.
Try to remember that everyone has a voice. Still love you guys. HUGS from KY.
I love the tiny democrat onsie!!! Off to go find one for my baby!!
I don’t know why, but that video make me cry. I’m not sure if it was a happy or sad cry. *sighs* She’s just so precious. I’m glad she likes her seat. I had one for my last child, and she liked hers too. Outgrew it much too fast for my liking, let me tell you.
Teething is a nightmare sometimes. Seemed like my son was teething for ages and then would cut 4 teeth all at once. Poor kiddos. Amen for teething remedies.
My she is getting bigger, and more beautiful with each passing day. She looks adorable in her new chair. How cool is that?
And I loved her shirt. I need to get me one of those.
Asalamalaykom,
LOL at teaching about evil! That’s one thing that’s so fun about being a parent: you get to be totally subversive about your beliefs.
Did we all notice that Baby Trig was lacking visible ear protection?
As for your drive to lunch, (where you thought to call Your Liz) it’s good that you are taking new routes. I did that last week. It hurt because I ended up across the street from the restaurant we always went to after pregnancy appointments. Shook me up. I had that zone-into-the-past moment, which I’m sure is the same thing you experience. It happens when you’ve connected so deeply in love that it’s etched into your mind. I could see myself (in my mind’s eye) sitting there with my son’s father and feel all that hope for the future we had together. Sometimes, I literally have to shake the thoughts from my head and wake up to the now.
I had been thinking that divorce, with a true love, was harder than becoming widowed, in that you lose the person while having to still see them. But, after that moment across from the restaurant, I see it differently. My son’s father was there with me at the time. I started to ask him if that was where we used to go (so long ago) and before I could get it all out, he could finish my thought. We can still have a kind of relationship in the now. I am grateful for that.
Your blog has helped me to see how fortunate I am actually to have my son’s father present, even if it’s so very different from what I wanted.
As for forgetting all the facts in the stories from friends: We are actually meant to forget some of the details about the past. Our stories are not really snapshots but rather paintings in which we let some of reality go. By the time Miss Madeline is old enough to understand, the stories of Your Liz will have been artfully and lovingly crafted. Maybe some of the details will get lost in order to let more love in.
Not talking about Your Liz with the other dad at the restaurant isn’t forgetting about her, by the way. You know the story. Not everyone has to know. You aren’t being disloyal. Holding it close to you is a way of loving her by choosing when you can say to the right person at the right time. It’s a way of guarding someone precious. I loved that you were just two dads trading baseball cards…I mean, baby stats
Las Vegas? So, can a Muslim in Ramadan tell you to have fun in Las Vegas? I’m sure there are some bad deeds I’d incur somehow from that! LOL!
How about this…
As you make new memories, may God preserve the ones that you need and allow you to lose the ones that no longer serve you.
wooohooo vegas baby! love that place! we’re going next month for our first wedding anniversary. try not to miss the little cutie pie too much, you need to have some fun. i’m a shitty sleeper (not for the same reasons you are) so I know the feeling of falling asleep sitting up in a waiting room being stared at. have you tried taking something to help you sleep?
@ K8–Cindy M. frightens you because she is an android. You hadn’t noticed…?
I LOVE THE T-SHIRT and I LOVE THE BUMBO CHAIR.
Thank goodness you are heading to The Las Vegas and staying away from The MN this week! Evil IS lurking all over the place!
I do hope you got some sleep on the way out of town…
You can keep your fun in Vegas, but I can’t wait to see the pictures you end up with-you’re always great about getting the best. ENJOY YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!
Yay for her Tiny Democrat shirt!!!! Love it!!!
how fun is it to wake up to a happy/giggling/babbling baby? love it.
have a great trip to las vegas. enjoy some good ole adult time. i don’t know who wrote it, but think it would be hilarious if gentle ben guest blogged on what madeline’s up to while you are gone.
@katie: while i am also a minority repub here, but this is matt’s blog to share his voice. he was, after all, watching the rnc, which shows me he knows everyone has their own voice and view. the evil repub comment didn’t offend me all that much, i know i’m not evil, and that’s his point of view. i don’t know about you, but i’ve made lil comments like that about the dem party (don’t shoot, i’m just sayin), so i, personally, can’t really get my panties in a bunch over it when i’ve done the same. as for making a point of how you’ve spent time and money…are you doing it for recognition or out of the kindness and love in your heart? i believe it’s the later…although it doesn’t completely read that way. hope this didn’t come off bitchy or attacky (not my intent), just another repub p.o.v.
@matt- do you think when you get back from vegas, you and madeline could go on a road trip with the twins? they could really use a boost of madeline’s winning magic.
Matt, seeing that wonderful video of Madeline in her new seat makes me realize how big she is getting! She is so beautiful and seeing her pictures/videos always makes my day. My (now 2 year old) daughter had a seat like Maddy’s and she loved it. Glad to hear the teething tablets worked! We had those in the medicine chest all the time!
Have fun in Vegas!
Loved everything about the post – especially the video. I had to watch it a couple times to appease my 4yo, even though his baby sister who does nearly the same things is sitting right next to him. Loved her little shirt, where did you get it? My Tess needs to show her baby Dem pride!
Have fun in Vegas (baby!) and be sure to bet once on lucky number seven!!
@yosra – you are such a cool human being, I enjoy your comments almost as much as the blog!
@k8 – I agree those ladies give me the shivers!!
Although, I am not a democrate, I DO love the little shirt. Liz would be so proud of you, you are doing an amazing job in raising a smart and beautiful little girl. You can see in her eyes how much she loves and adores her daddy. To her, you hung the moon! Keep up the hard work.
You will love the Bumbo! Every parent thinks they’re so, so awesome.
P.S. I love the Tiny Democrat t-shirt!
At least you’re not HERE with the RNC. It’s kind of awful, they don’t spend money either. And four journalists were arrested while trying to do their jobs, very disappointing.
Maddy looks beautiful as usual, some of her facial expressions make her look just like you, and when she’s asleep, there is your miniature face. Amazing.
Viva Las Vegas!!
Take care.
You do realize that in a few months she’s going to be all over that big stereo system there, popping in and out her own choice of music and reprogramming your choice stereo stations. Be prepared…mobile baby is on the way! :O)
PS-Hylands tabs are great, but the amber teething necklaces kick ass since they not only help with the pain but pretty much eliminate all that drooling. But then again, it sounds like you like the drooling, so carry on!
P
OMG what a cutie in her bumbo seat!
I can’t tell you how many times I inadvertently picked up the phone to call J. after he died. It was all those little daily things, things that were part of our routine… we used to talk every day around 4pm, just to plan who was going to pick up the boy, stop by the grocery store, etc… I can’t tell you how many times 4pm would roll around and I instinctively reached for the phone.
You’re doing a great job with your beautiful little girl, even though I (unfortunately) know how painful it is much of the time.
ps- my alternate routes home were always superior to my husband’s.
“Creeps”… Who you callin’ a creep?!
i love waking to laughter.
Matt,
Love Maddy’s t-shirt. Too cute! Have fun in Vegas. I beg you’ll miss Maddy tons! 
but have fun and enjoy yourself! take care!
OMG she looks like a doll and all grown up in her seat.
hi,
i’m proud of Madeline’s Democratic statis… very, very good… it’s truely not fun to be away from your kid. but you’ll be pok and so will she. then you’ll gt to tel her all about your trip. i have to agree with Liz about the shoes.. but hey they are your feet… where did you get the opnesie? i need to properly outfit my little democrat as well.
hugs from NJ,
erica and Landon
Oh, the Bumbo is GREAT! You can even put it in the back of a shopping cart at the grocery store. And use it in restaurants when she’s too big for the car seat, but too small for the high chairs. We LOVED ours.
Maddy is just adorable chewing on your fingers. THat obviously makes her VERY happy! ANd I LOVE her shirt!
I LOVE that N.M.H. album you referenced listening to. It’s terrific. Hope you have a great road trip!
Oh my bumbo! Oh, how I love what a baby looks like in those things. And she just took the cake for the cutest “sitting in a bumbo like a grown-up” baby ever.
She just keeps getting better. And you’d think that wouldn’t be possible.
Great post. So many things you say make your feelings, your grief and your love, basically palpible (sp?) So raw and real. Honesty. Thank you for having the courage to do that.
My daughter LOVED the bumbo. It will come in handy when Maddy starts solids, if she is too small for her highchair. Maddy’s peachfuzz is too cute!
She’s getting so big! I look at this site regularly and I still can’t believe how she seems to get bigger overnight. Have fun in Vegas. And when you get back, the Robots in Seattle are calling.
(In case you haven’t heard already.)
Thought you might be interested.
http://www.empsfm.org/exhibitions/index.asp?categoryID=164&ccID=241
Love the onsie!!! Hayden has the same one!!! Enjoy Vegas and I am glad the tablets worked. We love them in this house!!!
Ah, the Bumbo seat! Awesome!
For the millionth time. She is so beautiful! Really! I love all the pictures and I’m glad to hear the tablets worked so well.
Sorry this all sucks so very fucking much. Your blog will one day be a connection to Liz for Madeline. The memories, the little things, this time after that will one day only be a blur to you…I’m sure she’ll pour over it again and again and be so thankful you took time to write it all down. What an incredible gift you’re giving her!
Hang in there. Have a great time in Vegas and know that not all Repubs are evil. Even the ones named Madeline.
Madeline
South Carolina
Madeline is so animated! Her eyes tell a story!
Isn’t that Bumbo seat the greatest to have. I hope you have a fantastic time on your getaway!
1.They also make these great mesh bags that you can stick frozen fruit in (my little guy likes mango) and it is great for teething.
2. My husband’s sneezes may rival yours and no, he doesn’t warn me. Gotta get him on that.
3. Madeline looks just like Liz in that photo in the Bumbo. She is adorable!
AND FINALLY, I NEED THAT DEMOCRAT SHIRT!
Glad the Hyland’s tablets worked for you!
Oh, and another vote for using the Bumbo as a bathing seat when she’s gets a little more upper body control. We’ve ditched the baby tub (too awkward and unwieldy) in favor of the Bumbo.
Sounds like this has been a tough week. I hope your time away is restorative and fun. Will what happens in Vegas stay in Vegas?
she is getting SO big. wow!
have fun in Vegas- can’t wait to see the pictures!
Matt! The RNC? Don’t expose your poor baby to such high toxin levels! *evil grin*
On that note, a package is on its way to you and Madeline from me (and my awesome online group of liberal foul-mouthed moms of only children). It should arrive in about 10 days or so. We hope you enjoy it!!!
Martha the Obamamama from the SF Bay Area
Matt–Can’t get over what a beautiful baby Madeline is. My kids love watching her videos. You’re right–no better alarm clock than a giggling, happy baby. You’re blessed. She’s a sweet one for sure.
Have fun in Vegas! If you have time (and money) and want to hit a really fucking good restaurant that has none of the casino noise (that gets on my nerves after a little while) check out the restaurant The Tillerman.
http://www.tillerman.com/
Absolutely my favorite restaurant in Las Vegas (well at least when I lived there which was like FOREVER ago)
And for fucks sake, if you are a republican who never made a democrat joke, I will send you a million fucking dollars. Go ahead, think about it. You never made a crack about Hillary? DEMOCRATS rank on her. I agree with above, Matt’s blog, he is allowed to call the RNC evil.
Or Bush a child murderer if he wants to for thats sake. (that was me, not Matt)
And by the way, my parents are republicans and I dont think Matt thinks THEY are evil either.
I love the shirt!
LOVE LOVE LOVE the new shirt!
I had my daughter standing up at CHristmas dinner, raising her fist in the air and shouting,”Impeach Bush” at 2, LOL!
Maybe it will be Maddie’s first words! HAHA!
Oh, she is an adorable little angel. Thanks for letting us in on your lives.
Have a great time in Vegas…. Enjoy your YOU time.
Those eyes – wow!!
In my family we’ve always joked that babies are our tvs. “What you doing?” “Oh just watching tv!”
She’s so adorable and growing so fast, sitting up like a big girl flying/dancing in that chair.
Enjoy your trip. Enjoy the feeling when you get back home to Madeline even more…
That was lol-tastic. “spent the evening teaching madeline about evil watching the rnc.”
Awesome. Just awesome.
Maddy looks very happy in her bumbo! She’s too cute.
So, so sorry for the sad days and nights that you are having (that sounds stupid, I am sure that every day and night is difficult. But, it sounds as though lately there is some extra pain there). I do not envy what you are going through, I just envy how you are going through it. From what you allow us to know, you have such stregnth to drive on, to raise your baby, to keep the love and memory of your beloved alive. Such a gift to have Mina there! It gave me goose bumps to read about your time with her. It will be hard to stay away from your baby while in the Vegas! But, I think that you will (hopefully) feel rejuvinated when you get back! Maddy will have lots to talk about from her time with Ben and family – perhaps with all of her “talking” she will be able to let you in on some of the goings on at the Ben household!
@ K8: I can see where you are coming from. I am definatly an Independant (much more of a Dem then other). I have not have had much of a feeling toward Sarah. However, last night changed that for me. Not at all impressed with the sarcasim and the snidness in the speech . . . (now, them aint fighting words to anyone else reading)
i love the pictures of madeline in the tiny democrat shirt. her facial expressions are priceless
Hiya Matt:
Just delurking to say your blog – wow. I don’t think I’ve cried so much after reading through your posts. Your writing and your photos are beautiful. But not as beautiful as Liz and Madeline. You are doing a fantastic job and I’m sorry that Liz isn’t here to tell you that you are an amazing father. Thank you so much for sharing (and for adding me as a friend on flickr.) Just wanted to say hi so I’m not being a creepy lurker.
Also, after reading this post, I was wondering if you might consider having a page for your friends and family that knew Liz, to post their memories and photos of her so that you and Madeline could read them in the future. It doesn’t have to be a public page for everyone to see – just something private for you two so you don’t have to worry about remembering everything. I just thought it would be nice for you and Madeline to discover new memories of Liz. My father has alzheimer’s and I’m worried that I’ll forget everything he’s told me so I’m trying to write everything I’ve learned down. I would hate to forget anything. Anyways, thank you again! Have a fun time in Vegas. Madeline is the sweetest!
Where do you get the teething tablets? I need some!!
Madeline looks more and more like Liz every day. She looks so grown up in her Bumbo chair. Too cute!
Hi Matt:
Just wanted to say your blog – wow! I cried buckets while reading through your posts. Your writing and your photos are beautiful, but not as beautiful as Liz and Madeline! You are doing a fantastic job and I’m sorry that Liz isn’t here to tell you that you are an amazing father! Thank you for sharing (and for adding me as a friend on flickr.) I wanted to delurk so that I’m not being a creepy stalker. My hubby is Matt, too, and my 2nd daughter’s middle name is Madeline – coincidences!
Also, after reading this post, I wanted to see if you’ve ever considered having a page for friends and family that knew Liz to post their memories and photos of her. It doesn’t have to be public for everyone – just something for you and Madeline to have so that you can have some new/old memories of her and you won’t have to worry about remembering everything. My father has alzheimer’s and I’m worried that I’ll forget everything he’s told me and that I’ve learned about him so I try to write it all down.
Anyways, thanks again! Have fun in Vegas. Madeline is the sweetest!
Sorry if this is a duplicate comment. My internet is freaking out on me.
The first extended trip away from baby was a little traumatic for me. (not saying it will be for you… just preparing you like for a sneeze = ) I ended up getting stuck out of town a day longer than I’d expected. And when I realized I wasn’t going to see him when I thought I would/could… tear city. It’s funny that while baby is the very definition of dependent, that we adults depend on them, just as much if not more, to get us through our days.
Matt, I’ll be thinking of you and hoping you get some real shut eye in a real bed. You more than deserve it. Throwing this out there… I couldn’t get any sleep once and my doc gave me some ambien. I didn’t sleep walk or eat my fridge. (only took half tho). You might try it while you’re away since you won’t have to be on high alert because of Madeline. I know no one sleeps in Vegas, but maybe you can? Will? Or if you’re not into pharmaceuticals… try Melatonin supplements. They help establish sleep patterns.
She gets more and more beautiful. Love seeing her sit up, how cute.
I cry everytime you share about hearing stories about Liz. It reminds me of the pain you are going through everyday. Have you considered asking friends, family, co-workers to put their memories/stories into writing? You could turn them into a book for Madeline to read as she grows up coupled with the awesome photos that you have of her. It would be hard for you to look at now, but when Madeline is old enough to understand them you might be ready.
Wow, some of your words are just so powerful and so fucking filled with love.
My goodness, she is beautiful.
Hey Matt–I’ve checked out your blog for a while now and I have to say that I am loving the videos of Madeline talking to you! She is so much fun!
Hugs to you both from your stranger friend in Kentucky!
Ha! I just read through the comments and saw that yes, your musings on politics have ruffled some feathers. ‘Tis the season!
Well, here’s another *evil* conservative (saying “bwahahaha” while rubbing my hands together…can you feel the sarcasm?)
who…although we may not see eye to eye on some of the issues…will always be pulling for you and Madeline. Hey, this is your blog, so it’s your place to say what you think. Duh.
Ok, there’s my 2 cents.
Madeline is so beautiful!! Love seeing her sitting up in her bumbo! And LOVE her t-shirt!!
Hope you have a great time in the vegas!!
Waking up to a baby’s laughter is the best! Wait until you start hearing her say dada, it is just great! ( i hear momma though LOL)
Teething tablets are AWSOME! My daughter is almost two and is still teething and I LOVE LOVE those things! Life savor! And now with my one month old son, the hyland colic tablets are saving me as well! Love their products!
I love her in her pink Bumbo! I have a purple one. My daughter is a petite thing (not as small as madeline I’m sure) and she still at the age of almost two can fit into hers, and still loves it. She’ll use it to sit and watch her favorite tv show, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. But I loved that thing. My daughter would do the same thing Madeline was trying, arching her back to try and get out. My daughter was great about being able to arch her back and roll out of hers. Little stinker.
I loved seeing her talking and hanging out with her dadda! She is such a doll and I look forward to stopping by here to see how you two are doing!
Ooooh the Bumbo Seat! That thing rocks! Totally takes me back to these days…
http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g194/primamomma/Pics/04-29-05Aiden3.jpg
She looks so sweet in hers, and pink of course!
@Yosra – you need to write a book or something. I know you are writing for Matt, but you always pop out with something incredibly uplifting and beautiful. I love reading your posts as much as the posts -they are quite the inspiration. Thanks for sharing too!
I just wanted to stop by and say hello and tell you what you already know…Madeline is beautiful and she’s getting so big. I’ve been reading your blog since she was born and i’m just now saying hi. I love the little dem shirt, adorable. Hope you have a great time while in Vegas.
I always have a visceral reaction to In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, lump in my throat while I’m trying to sing.
From the land of the Elephant 6 collective…
Cute tshirt she has in that bumpo she is sitting in.
I just want to say how awesome I think you are. I find myself thinking about the three of you often and am always so excited when you update (yep, I’m a nerd).
I can’t even pretend to understand your pain but what really, truly amazes me is how you manage to, through your darkest days, provide the most wonderful experiences for your beautiful daughter. She is going to be the most well-rounded, well-travelled kid in the country and I, for one, look forward to watching her grow from the sidelines.
Hugs to you and sweet Madeline.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the album that makes you feel something…it is one of my favorites!
Watch out for your fingers and her new teeth – baby teeth are SHARP!
Hope you enjoy your trip to Vegas. Can’t wait to see your “view” of Vegas through your camera lens. Even though I’ve lived here for 4 years…I never get bored looking at the photos people take while they’re visiting Vegas. Everyone sees if differently.
Also wanted to say how glad I am that the teething tablets worked so fast for your sweet Madeline. She’s just too precious to have to suffer through the teething pain!
If I knew where you were in Vegas…I’d buy you a drink. Have fun, enjoy your stay here, and stay safe!
Your loud sneeze sounds like my husband’s loud sneeze. The bad thing is our son is so sensitive to noise. Even with white noise, the sneeze wakes him up and it’s so hard to get him back to sleep. You didn’t mention it bothering Madeline so that’s good.
I LOVE Neutral Milk Hotel! Great choice. One of my students turned me on to them a couple of years ago.
I’ve heard those little chair thingies are awesome. It helps make the baby really strong. And I love your video of her talking and dancing. Although I think the best part of the video is the absolute joy in your voice when you interact with Madeline. She has such a powerful effect on you.
Too bad you don’t live in Chicago, because I’ll bet we could actually get Maddie registered to vote there. I moved four years ago and I’ll bet I’m still on the voter rolls there. Hopefully I voted for Obama! If you haven’t been watching it, be sure to catch The Daily Show’s coverage of the root of all evil, I mean the RNC. It’s been priceless this week.
Have fun in Vegas, baby!
Madeline is so cute and getting so big. Have fun in Vegas!!!
Love the shirt! Go Obama!!
Matt, every day I am drawn to your blog…mostly because of the fatherly duty that you have claimed so proudly. And there is not a day, I am sure, that you don’t think of Liz…but the way you are loving your little girl and looking after her….is the testimony of unconditional love. Please keep on taking time out for yourself, it is very important. You seem to have an awesome support group around you….Love the robot…and the T-shirts! Greetings from Ontario, Canada….Anja:)
Keep the videos coming! I just love seeing her reactions develop. She’s also become quite the little dancer (and democrat as the shirt illustrates
Thanks for raising another one for the team.
Teething – when I was little my parents bought those mini bagles and put them in the freezer until they were really hard, and I would suck on them to help with the pain. We called them baby bagels. Of course this is way back in the great year of 1986, so I’m glad to see there are tablets that work for Madeline.
I’m sure Liz would be very proud of your navigating the Los Angeles. In little ways you are preserving her memory on the blog (like the sneezing thing). She’ll really appreciated it one day.
Have a safe trip to the Las Vegas – if you can remember your trip when you get back write about it (kidding, just kidding
ps – forgive the spelling errors.
i wish you safe, fun travels and at the same time – a quick reunion with maddy.
@ l in the ohio – i might add music.
the video is great – love seeing her in action!
don’t have any advice for vegas – i’ve never been; ENJOY yourself, your friends and your mini vacation.
sorry – two totally different after thoughts.
your words:
i,
with all the instinct of
a guy completely and
eternally in love,
are sooo beautiful and evoke so much emotion – still in awe that you share this with us.
and more random, and not as sentimental – just curious what the favorite is at canter’s? i mentioned before i had the biggest, best reuben there ever. perhaps a logelin family favorite, as well?
FIRST!!!
just kidding.
but seriously..
i was telling my friend all about you and i had him read my favorite blogs you wrote..and a few more blogs later, he said to me..
“this dude is my hero.”
madeline is quite the DOLL in the bumbo!
and she is rockin the tee as well! i absolutely love the 2nd picture of her chewing on your finger! shes so serious!
re: the 2pac shoes – you (not surprisingly) seem to be able to pull off almost any piece of clothing just fine. a trait that you have surely passed onto miss madeline.
I wish you lots of fun in the vegas!
Hot damn, parenting tips by Matt. I had no idea teeth tablets existed.
I made the mistake of checking your blog this AM from my crackberry. I cried all the way to work. For some reason your Mon-Wed posts really got to me and for the first time, I shed so many tears for you and Madeline. But the second I saw her onesie, I fucking lost it and starting laughing my ass off. I swear people must have thought I was nuts. Must be the fucking hormones!
have fun in Vegas! Try not to get arrested!!
Matt, as always – you are an awesome daddy to Madeline and she gets more and more beautiful each day. I also loved Maddy’s tiny democrat t-shirt, and I’m even a player on the other team! And, btw, I wasn’t the least bit offended by the “evil” comment… and even if I was – this is YOUR BLOG! I appreciate your writing so much and consider each day that you allow me into your life a blessed one. Hope you are having a marvelous time on your mini vaca.
“this tuesday was one of the toughest, not because it was a tuesday…because it was another day without liz.” Yup, I hear you there. I hate those days where they suck for no apparent reasons (like when it’s NOT a Tuesday), and when in the end it’s just because your dead spouse isn’t there. I prefer there to be a “logical,” directly-grief-related reason why some days are harder than others, but I often need reminding that sometimes there’s no “special” reason: it’s just because it’s another day without Charley here…even after 3 years.
And those oh-I-gotta-tell-her (him)-THIS moments where you actually do reach for the phone suck ass too. I only ever really had one–over a YEAR after Charley died, right after I found out one of his coworker friends was pregnant. I knew he was going to be so happy and excited for her, so I had to tell him the news. I went for my phone and then it dawned on me that I kinda couldn’t complete that call. What’s the number to dial for a cremated guy in a little metal box in a wall in a cemetery? 1-800-GOT-ASHES?? I mean, really.
It might not be a bad idea to get Liz’s friends (and your families) to write down some of those special memories of Liz–both for Maddy in the future, but also for yourself for those times you’re especially missing Liz (even more than the usual) and need however tenuous a connection you can get. Maybe it’s something your creeps (on that helpmattandmaddy blog) can do for you–contact the friends and family, organize getting the stuff from people, and putting it all together. Because it will become one of the second-most precious things you’ll have down the road (or maybe the third), after Madeline and your own memories in your heart and head. I never really did that (getting friends and family to write stuff down for us) after Charley died, and I’d really like to have it now. The lab where he worked put together a scrapbook like that, and it’s fabulous to have it.
Hang in there, Matt. Hope you have a nice time in Vegas and that the separation anxiety from Maddy isn’t too bad. You deserve a welcome break after the last few days and weeks.
~Candice
oh heavens, she is cute. and teeth! already? she is way ahead of my boys. 9 months old and still toothless. they’re preemies too, about the same as madelyn, i think (33 weeks). anyway, teeth. yeah! and love the bumbo. nothing cuter than a baby in a bumbo.
that video is so precious. look at how she smiles at you!
also, the tiny democrat t-shirt? breaks my heart.
She’s growing so much and is so beautiful.
It’s so obvious that many people loved Liz and love you and Madeline.
When did she get so BIG? I feel like it happened in the last two weeks. It might be the hair, though. Did she grow hair since August?
My first time commenting. I’ve been lurking for a few weeks now. My baby boy was born on March 23rd this past year. SO, I love looking at pics of Madeline, since she is so close in age to my little guy.
So, about the Bumbo, has she figured out how to escape it het?
My baby boy used his once, got out of it, and has refused to sit back in it since.
It looked in the video, like she was trying to escape. Mine arched his back like that and somehow slid out.
I thought it was funny.
Wow, I have left a really long and pointless comment. -sorry-
Such a great shirt & the videos are always awesome! Her smile is definitely contagious
I’m so sorry for your loss. Just came across your blog. You are doing such a wonderful job with your sweet little girl. God bless your little family.
hey,
j/k)
been lurking a long time, and i have to agree about the loud ass sneezes, they scare the shit outta me too!! liz is lucky you’d warn her, the b/f still doesn’t warn me (a-hole
btw, i saw that jessica simpson has turned to country and from what i remember reading is that liz dragged you to one of her concerts so i was just wondering how she might feel about that.
btw, glad to hear teething tablets work, i’ll have to try em out on my next kid. i’ve only used baby orajel (sp?) on my now 2 year old.
good luck, and you’re doing a great job so far! madeline gets more adorable everyday
Hi Matt!
We are lurkers from the southern metro of Minneapolis and read your blog daily to get our doses! We love reading and keeping up with you two and your busy lives!
Katie had an idea the other day while she was reading about the visit with Mina and how you hope to try to remember the stories that she told and others that you have written about, but instead of trying to remember the d’s, have you thought about recording them? You should go get one of those little tape recorders and put it out when the good stuff starts flowin’. You of all people know how quickly lives can change and those memories are priceless! I’m sure that Madeline would love to hear the stories first hand – from Liz’s loved ones someday! We just thought that it was an idea that was worth passing on……
Hope all is well! You’re in our thoughts and prayers and please keep keepin’ us busy at ‘work’!
XO!
Your strangers, from the south metro of the MN, Katie and Teresa
P.S. Rockin’ Garden of Awesomeness site! Way to go!
P.P.S. We love the f*@%in’ robots!
just found your blog friday so i’ve been lost in it pretty much all weekend. all i can say is WOW. man…wow. i’m still speachless, but let me catch up and i’m sure i’ll have something to say. btw i’m glad i’m not the only parent that couldn’t be bothered to change out the fake pics in the teething ring
I’m new to the blog and so I went back to the early entries, and just have to tell you that this: “i, with all the instinct of a guy completely and eternally in love, picked up the phone to tell liz that i was way better at driving than she is” had me bawling. I have to keep reminding myself that you’re with someone else now and so it’s silly for me to be crying, but that’s just so heartwrenching, I can’t help it. I wish I could bring her back. :/