I’m happy for you that you’ll be going back to work. When I was on maternity leave I was so nervous about going back to work, but as soon as I figured out what we’d do for child care (just a few days before returning), I was excited to go back. It’s such a huge relief when you find the right place to care for your child, so I’m glad you have that. The life of a working parent is a busy but rewarding one — good luck with the transition. We’ll all be waiting and cheering you on. And I understand, but will be disappointed(!) if you can’t keep up the blog while you’re working.

I’m sure it will be hard to leave Madeline next week and that you’ll miss her to pieces and worry a ton — daycare can be great, but it ain’t no Grandma. But bottom line, it’s your choice, so it’s managable.

But, oyoyoy, the other stuff. Going back to the environment of who you were in your old life when you’re sorta not that person anymore. Finding out all new ways what happened (and is happening) has changed you — most definitely NOT by choice. Still having the trauma, but not Madeline there as evidence, in your dealings with strangers (the real kind, not the friend kind) — who, even though you’re cute as a button yourself — might not understand the need to cut you much slack.

And above all, going back to work for the first time that leaving it won’t mean going home to Liz.

This isn’t just a “typical” parenting stage for you. Unfortunately, none of them will be. Everything’s colored, transformed, and made excruciatingly harder by Liz’s death.

But also excruciatingly sweeter. Madeline has made it far enough to be ready for this. YOU have made it far enough to be ready for this. There’s so much to rejoice about in that.

And while I don’t doubt for a minute you’ll get through this latest transition with grace and strength, or that you’ll make the most of the good parts of it, I’m thinking a lot of next week is going to rate pretty high on the suck-o-meter no matter how you slice it.

Luckily, having kickass coworkers and compassionate corporate policies (whether officially or in practice only ) will make it considerably easier. But the best part might just be not having to tell one person after another on your first day back what you’ve been up to for the past six months.

This blog might be worth all the effort just for sparing you that particular brand of torture…

Have a great weekend, Matt.

You will miss her when you have to get back to work…but you will survive!

You are a SURVIVOR!

I know exactly what you mean about how it can simultaneously feel like forever but only 6 months with Maddy, without her mom. I don’t know how the hell it’s been 3 years and almost 3 months that it’s been just the two of us since her daddy died, but on the other hand it feels like it’s been about 30 lifetimes.

I hope the return to work goes smoothly. Try not to have too many expectations of yourself, and I hope to god that your managers are supportive and understanding. Don’t be surprised if all you can do is show up, sit there for a few minutes, and then practically have a panic attack because going back to “the way things used to be” is so overwhelming. That’s how I felt pretty much every time I stepped back into work @ 7 months after Charley died. Then again, I was also being unemployed at the same time, so I never got a chance to get back into anything of a normal groove. I hope and pray that work gives you a little something more to keep you going, to improve your days just the tiniest little bit…and I hope and pray equally that it doesn’t make everything else seem more overwhelming and awful. It’s so tough to say which way the grief shit can fall with stuff like that…and of course it changes from day to day, hour to hour.

Hang in there….We’re all pulling for you.

Candice

that is a strange feeling when it feels like they were born yesterday, yet it also feels like they have been there forever and you can’t imagine life without’em. did i repeat words enough there for ya?

glad madeline got into the daycare of your choice. yea!! that’ll hopefully make the transition back to work a lil bit easier.

have a stellar rest of the week and weekend!

Good luck on oct 6, I’ll be rooting for you and Maddy!!