friday, saturday.

(still a little bit behind…oh, and we had some database problems this morning. eternal thanks to aj for pushing all the right buttons to fix yet another screw-up by my hosting company).

***friday***

woke up an hour

before madeline.

again, through the

night she slept.

today there are

no plans.

we enjoyed a

lazy friday.

this friday is

our last friday at

home together

for awhile.

when monday comes

we’ll both be doing

something different

so let’s just

enjoy the day,

the two of us,

doing the things

that make us smile.

we listened to

a little music

then read a couple

of books.

that was the morning.

and the afternoon.

and the early evening.

late evening came and

we joined stranger friend nicole and

her son for a

quick dinner in the montrose

then went home

to watch that

team that claims

to be from

the los angeles lose

to the r. sox.

both of us

fell asleep before

the game ended.

i suppose it’s okay

to spend most of

the day in the house

every once in awhile

***saturday***

slept in until 6:00.

my baby beat me

by almost two hours

she’s awesome at sleeping.

once again,

a day without

plans but plans

have been made

for the evening.

spent the morning

enjoying the sight

of the sky filling

with clouds,

and the afternoon

watching a few drops of

rain come down

on the two

dirty cars

parked in front

of the house.

nothing beats a

free carwash.

spent the late

afternoon watching

the team from the

milwaukee steal

a win from the

team formerly known

as the quakers.

bob and anna

arrived as the

dodger game started.

no time to watch

it though…

we were off

to enjoy a meal

at the french

restaurant in the

atwater village

(i’m obviously quite fond of this place).

we got there and

found it to be

terribly busy so we

waited on the

sidewalk, along with

one of the dudes

from lost.

madeline drank her bottle

alone, but not really.
watching.

looking like some sort

of vagrant.

watching.
alone, but not really.

eventually her arms

got tired and

she required a

little assistance from bob.

a little help from bob.

a little help from bob.

eventually we got

our table and were

seated next to

a mother

who was in

town from the nyc

to pressure her

daughter and son-in-law

into having children.

madeline was the perfect

weapon for her

attack on their hearts,

what with her

beautiful smile,

blue eyes,

and the pink and black

skull shoes worn

over the feet

of her pajamas.

she held madeline

until it was time

for a diaper change.

i went to

to the bathroom

to powder

my child’s nose

but was stopped

by one of the

restaurant employees.

she let me know

that there are

no changing tables

in the restrooms,

so she led me to

the back

room where she

allowed me

to change madeline

on a giant table.

she even waited

with me so she

could take the dirty

diaper out to

the dumpster

in the alley.

(the awesome employees are just another reason i love this place).

rejoined our dinner guests

in time to share

the appetizer we ordered.

then we had a great

dinner and discussed

how they planned

to take my mind

off of things

on monday night.

we finished up,

drove home and

said goodbye.

madeline was asleep

when we arrived.

i watched the last

three outs of

the dodgers game.

finally, a playoff series win

after 20 years.

liz

would be so mad

if she knew

she were missing this,

but if she were here

she wouldn’t be missing it.

(she definitely would have canceled our dinner plans to stay home and watch the game).

madeline slept

through the celebration.

i found myself

unable to

join her, so

i watched a movie

that, due to

an empty house and

a wandering mind,

somehow reminded

me of the times

and place that ultimately

helped me deal

with death.

never thought that

the events i

i witnessed on

those two trips to the

pashupatinath would

be thrust upon me

this early in life

but without

those two trips,

one in 2004,

one in 2006,

i wouldn’t have been

able to make some

of the tough decisions

i made in the

days after

liz

died and certainly

i wouldn’t be where i

am today.

didn’t know

exactly how

to deal with

all of this

tonight but was saved

by a phone

call from a friend

on the east

coast who listened

to me until

it hit 4:00am

on her clock.

it was good to

talk this out,

to share this

experience with someone.

but it reaffirmed

something for me…

this is hard.

really hard.

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