(i will catch up).
madeline woke me
up at 6:45.
i tried to get
her to go
back to sleep for
15 minutes but
it was a losing battle.
i went to
the kitchen to heat
up her bottle
and by the time
i got back to
her, she was back
to sleep.
thanks, madeline.
she ended up
sleeping for another
1.5 hours, giving me
enough time
to get ready for
my second day
of work.
she eventually woke up
and decided
that she’d spend
the morning trying
to keep me from
going to work.
(she also helped me realize i need to wash the outside of my windows).
i finally got
us out the door
and we drove
to the no.ho.
so she could
join her new
friends at daycare.
today’s drop off
was more difficult
than yesterday’s drop off.
when i handed her
over to the
daycare woman,
madeline looked at
me and stuck out
her lower lip
like she was about
to cry.
i felt terrible.
i started to cry
then something caught
her attention and
she completely
forgot that i was
still standing in the room.
i walked over,
gave her two
kisses and said goodbye.
at least i tried to…
she turned her
head away from me
as i went for
each of her cheeks.
(i thought you all said this type of behavior wouldn’t happen for a few years?).
either way,
she seems happy
so i should sneak out
of here.
i drove the 1.7
miles to work,
parked the car,
and walked up the
same sidewalk i walked
up yesterday.
i thought the
second day would
be easier.
i was wrong.
it was worse.
as soon as i
walked in the building
i saw someone
i haven’t seen
in six months.
i got the welcome
back hug and the
“i’m so sorry” sentiments.
i lost it.
then i got to my
desk and sat down.
the red light
on my fucking phone
was still unlit.
this is real,
not some sort of
fucked-up nightmare
from which i’ll
wake up.
more tears.
and more people
with the same
heartfelt messages for me.
i anticipated this
happening yesterday,
but a few people
told me the secret…
they figured i’d
be bombarded with
well wishers on
my first day back,
so they waited
to talk to me.
problem was,
the vast majority waited
until today.
it made this
day nearly impossible
to face.
talked to a coworker,
one of
liz’s
friends, for a
long time.
we talked about
everything that has
transpired over the
past 6 months.
she encouraged me,
she made me feel
much better,
she cried with me.
most importantly,
she told me that
liz
would be proud of
me.
i cried again.
the watch
liz
bought me for
a birthday long
ago tells me it
is time to leave.
first, i had to
track down an
envelope that had
supposedly been delivered
to the office yesterday
but had yet to
reach my hands.
after a bit of
leg work i found
what i was
looking it…
i opened it up
and smiled…
talia and lauren
from the nyc
sent me gift certificate
for some new kicks
in an attempt to
make me happy
during my first
days back in the office.
it worked.
now we have some
shopping to do
this weekend.
i left the office,
driving the opposite
way i used to
go in march,
to pick up maddy.
i hoped that
i wouldn’t lose
my shit again.
when i opened the
door to
the daycare center,
i heard her crying.
there she was
in the arms of the
woman i left her
with this morning,
and as soon
as she saw me
she stopped
crying and smiled.
and so did i.
the woman said
that madeline
was great again today.
the crying was
due to the fact
that she had just
awoken from a nap.
i took my baby,
thanked them
for everything and
walked out to
the car.
i got her strapped
into her car seat
and we drove toward
cara’s place.
maddy talked most of
the ride,
no doubt
telling me about
all the rad stuff
she did at daycare.
we picked up
cara and headed to
amoeba to pick up
after the shopping
trip we had lunch
and talked about
some things.
then i dropped her
off and maddy and
i headed home.
madeline woke
up when we got
back to the house.
we spent the rest
of the evening on
the couch where
i learned
that she has learned
how to giggle.
(with me, not at me…though i know the latter comes later).
so awesome.
we spent the rest
of the night
doing this.
madeline eventually fell
asleep around 9:00.
i was out soon after.
time is catching
up with me
and sleep is
becoming more
and more important.
thankfully i can
count on maddy
to sleep through
the night.
143 Comments
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WHEN THEY GIGGLE!! it is truly the best thing ever!!
sounds like this day was all together hard. you are doing so well in taking these days by the horns! give that precious daughter of yours some hugs and kisses from this creep.
I’m glad Liz’s friend was there to encourage you. I really think that every day will become a tiny bit easier, and how wonderful that you found a day care where Madeline is happy and well taken care of. When I was working and my children were small that was a HUGE relief knowing the were going to be not only well cared for, but they were going to be happy. You are doing well, Matt. The giggles say it all. Blessings from Texas.
I can’t stop grinning from watching that video… 3 times.
It will get easier, I promise. The giggling made me giggle too – she is so beautiful.
I can’t stop smiling at that video! So, so adorable. She keeps getting more and more beautiful. You ARE doing a great job.
ohhh my god, that brought tears to my eyes listening to her giggle… so cute!! great job matt!
she is so adorable sitting up there like a big girl!
I can only hope the days are getting easier for you a little at a time. I’m glad that Maddy seems to really like her daycare and hanging out with her buddies.
that giggle and squeal in the video . . . priceless
Oh my gosh, I love the giggles. Almost as much as I love the sneezes!! Just seeing pictures of Madeline and seeing the videos make me happy, I’m so glad that they do the same for you. I love your laugh at the end of the video.
I’ve been thinking about the two of you so much lately as you struggle to get to your new normal. Keep moving forward, you are doing a great job!
As always, thinking of you here in the mn….
LOVE the giggle video! How adorable she is…
I am hoping that for the past week the days have become a little easier to bear.
Keep on Keeping on
Awww Matt…I’m so sorry that you had such a rough day. “Separation anxiety” and the lower lip out will kick your hiney every time!!!!
I LOVED the video of Madeline’s sweet giggles!! You should have seen me acting like a crazed woman trying to find my headphone so that I wouldn’t wake my own crew of sleeping beauties to listen to Maddy! Funny, I JUST blogged myself about children and laughter…..it’s the BEST medicine for a bad day…or any day!! Hope you guys have a great day…the weekend is here!
You’re doing great! Liz would be proud!
Mere
http://meredithkwilliams.wordpress.com
Oh and by the way….You clean up very nicely Matt!!! Looking good!
This is the hardest time because going back to work makes it seem like your life should go back to normal. Problem is, it will never be “normal” again. Here’s praying for a good new “normal”. God Bless you, Matt
In the words of an 80’s sitcom, you’re taking it One Day at A Time, and that’s all you can do.
Sounds like you’re facing each new challenge in this crazy ride the only way you know how….hand in hand with your daughter. Together you can do anything.
Let’s see the new kicks!
Your first two days back sound about the same as mine were after Charley died, also around 7 months after his death. I couldn’t do much more than sit in my office and do my best not to have a panic attack (or maybe it was just a grief attack). The thought of the drive home–a 45-minute commute–without having Charley to call and tell I was leaving, to ask what we were doing for dinner, if I needed to stop at the store, to tell him I loved him and would be home soon, was so incredibly painful. The annoying, jumbled rush to get two of us ready and out the door in the morning was just another maddening, razor-sharp reminder how much everything had changed (Charley always got Anna ready for daycare before he died because, as he knew and said quite accurately, I “needed all the help I could get” to make it out the door in the morning with just me, much less a baby. Coming home to an empty house–he was always home before me–and where I still had to figure out dinner alone, without him to co-cook (or be the primary cook) was awful.
Yeah…unfortunately your first two days back were about what I expected they might be. One woman in my support group said that all she could do that first year was show up at work, close her office door, and cry.
I hope and pray that it’s gotten a little bit easier in the 2 weeks since you started. But it’s not like it’s going to be a smooth, slow improvement. There will constantly be ups and downs and roller-coaster rides for a while–and probably a long while–even without the “usual” work stress added to it. Returning to your “old” life like nothing has changed, yet when everything has horribly, tragically been obliterated, is impossibly hard.
Hang in there, my friend. It’ll get better eventually. Just be gentle with yourself, and take it one moment at a time. And if it takes you six more months before you’re able to make it through a full 8-9 hour day, don’t beat yourself up. There’s no timeline for this, no “right way” to get over it and move on. Because you’ll never really “get over it” or “move on.” Liz and your loss will always be a part of you, of your life history, and nothing will ever change that.
Sending you some big hugs and some extra cyber boxes of kleenexes,
Candice
Sorry you had another rough day. Hearing her giggle certainly made me smile though.
Oh my gosh, I love those baby giggles! What a wonderful new milestone that is. My favorite. As a parent, I get the most satisfaction out of seeing my efforts to raise a happy, healthy child come to fruition.
Sorry your second day back at work was worse than the first…keep at it. You’ll start getting used to this new, yet still shitty routine. It will get better.
Sorry that day #2 back at work sucked more than #1. Bummer.
Thanks for the baby laughs, though! What an awesome start to my day! LOVE it!
Just wait until she laughs so hard she can hardly breathe! LOL Happy girls make life worth living. 
Oh, Matt. I am so very sorry it is so hard. It just fucking sucks.
Oh–and if anything, I think those dead-spouse/insomniac/grief-ridden black hollows under my eyes have only gotten worse since that first year. They’re what catch my attention when I least expect it. I might smile and laugh a lot in general these days, but those shadows under my eyes tell a far different rendition of my life.
~Candice
Everyone who reads, lurks and love’s you is proud of you Mr. Logelin. You are doing THE best with the hand of fate you’ve been dealt. Madeline and her giggles. I think those sounds are her way of saying Love you DAD and you totally ROCK! Hope your work mojo gets better and the days don’t drag on. Your ray of light waits for you at daycare with her Big Blue eyes and those blonde locks you have many many adventures with her to come.
Well done Matt. Tears are good. And what a welcome back at day care, Madeline is wonderful, as are you (is that a little gay?).
Take care.
What an adorable giggle she has. I have to admit, I peeked at the Flickr and found it last week.
I am hoping that each day has become a little tiny bit easier to bear, that you’ll both find a path to the future that includes the past in a good way…
There is nothing better than the giggles of a baby. Again, thank you for sharing your life with us. Your baby takes my breath away with her beauty… she’s such a little peanut.
Your 1st day back description was harder than the 2nd day. I hope they continue to look up.
Madeline is TOO cute giggling!
Matt, you should know, Liz is undoubtedly very proud of you for the Father you have become & the better man you will continue to be.
Madeline’s giggle was a great way to start the morning….what a beautiful sound! I’m hoping your days have gotten easier!
I feel I should have warned you that day 2 would be harder than day 1. I have a daycare center with 230 children and when the babies have a first good day…a lot of the time day 2 or 3 are hard for them when they realize they are staying without you. The good news is after the first week – 10 days…it’s old hat even for the most fussy babies. Your baby is so precious. I pray that the gaping whole in your heart will mend. You are such a wonderful Daddy. It seems tright to say Maddie is a lucky girl after all you’ve been through, because I’m sure lucky isn’t a word you’d even remotely use to describe your life. However, to have you for a Daddy…Maddie is a lucky girl.
Laughing babies are the best!
It seems like Maddy is enjoying her daycare experience. Im sure that is a relief for you.
Sorry this transition back to work is so tough.
Oh I love those baby giggles. You have the cutest little girl!
Maddy is cuter and cuter all the time! Love the giggles. I didn’t realize you were just working half days. Good for you! Nice way to transition back. It will get better – you’ll get into more of a routine soon.
The opportunities you’ve given Maddy so far are amazing – you’ve made it so much easier for her to transition to daycare, even if it’s always harder for the parent. I’m really glad that your work is awesome enough to let you ease into things too.
Matt, I’m so damn proud of you. It’s fucking hard. Each day is a step. Each minute, each hour, each time you drop off and pick up Maddy, you’re getting there. The healing hurts, but you’re doing it. And Liz is beyond proud of you. Maddy is a doll and the video of her laughing is heartwarming!
Keep on keeping on. You’re DOING IT. Hang in there with work. You’re surrounded in prayer and thoughts and hugs from around the world.
Emily in the Indy
She is so darn cute. Love the giggles & the almost screeching. I know in time, the days will get better. Prayers are being said for you.
that video is the sweetest thing – just watching Madeline’s look of anticipation because she knows what’s coming, and each time laughing like it it’s brand new to her. So sweet.
Matt – I’m glad you made it through another day and I pray that each day gets a little easier.
I’m sorry your second day did not go any better. At least you have a giggling little girl to spend your evening with. Hopefully this second week has gone better than the first.
Aww the “giggle” video is awesome! That is the best sound in the world!
I hope work gets better soon!
Matt: loved listing to Maddy laugh, when my boys were babies I use to love to make then laugh for the same reason. Now I do it to my grand babies. My ring tone on my cell for my daughter in law is a baby laughing. Take care and God Bless
Dot K. Toledo, Oh
Ooooohh!! That video is SOOOOOO stinkin adorable!! My 2 y.o. daughter was sitting on my lap while we watched and she started cracking up when Maddy started giggling. Such a B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L baby girl Matt!!!
I hope the drop off, pick up, and work days are starting to go a tad bit better. What a beatuiful smiley, giggley face to look forward to at the end of a work day! Hang in there Matt, like thousands of people say every day….you are doing a wonderful job.
How great of your NYC friends to send you that gift certificate. That was really thoughtful! :O)
The video of you and Madeline is great! Love her giggles!!
Oh Matt. Sorry it’s been so hard. Liz’s friend is right – she would be so proud of you. Hell, random people around the world are proud of you!
Hoping your days back at the office have been improving.
Those giggles are contagious!
Now if that hysterical giggling doesn’t make you grin, I don’t know what will. She is just too damn cute, and is definitely a valid excuse to call in “sick”!
Sorry the 2nd day was more difficult…just when you thought it couldn’t be worse, huh? Thinking of you guys.
liz is proud of you. no doubt about that. you are doing a fantastic job.
i am so glad you get to ease back into the work schedule… seems like you’ve got a good gig with your j-o-b. (which you already knew.)
can’t wait to see the ::awesomesauce:: kicks you pick out! those nyc ladies sure are thoughtful!
(that was for you k8!)
Thanks for sharing Madeline’s giggles – what a great way to start the day!
This was always one of my favorite ages with my kids (who are now 15, 11, and 8). This is where they really start to show their personality and you can really have fun with them. You will not believe the laughs Madeline will give you in the upcoming months.
Enjoy every minute with her! It goes way too fast!
Wow, sorry day two sucked. I am glad you bolted and went to spend time with the most important little lady in the world. Hope it is improving for you. That giggle video is beyond adorable! Love that baby!
Those giggles! I was laughing and crying at the same time. You are such a natural with her.
I know the daily grind is going to be tough to get used to. You, Liz and Maddy go through my mind several times a day, and I don’t even know you! Your story has touched so many lives.
Still in our thoughts here in NC.
that video is the best. genuine well wishes being sent your way!
This made me cry and laugh at the same time. I’m sorry the second day was so much harder than the first but it sounds like it ended on a good note with Madeline giving you a much needed smile when you walked in to pick her up. And the wonderful sound of a baby’s giggle, ahhhh, I remember that so well. Hugs to you both…..
You’re both laughing! I love it!
As for Maddie crying when you left – being a single parent makes day care drop off tougher. Definitely… tougher.
But, trust me, as soon as you leave – she’s fine and happy. And you always get there right when they’re ready to come home. Once she’s older it will be even more fun. Now, Benjamin (after one year in day care – he’s 2.8 btw) still pouts a bit when I leave but as soon as I walk out I peak in the window and he’s rockin’ it with his buddies.
I’m glad your co-workers are so supportive. I’m not glad at all that you have to go through this. No one should ever have to go through this.
She is the most awesome baby ever! Her giggling had me giggling at my desk….
I’m sorry your second day was harder than your first. I’m sure things will improve for you as you get back in the routine. It’s good that you found a nice place to leave Madeline – she’s bound to grow up socially advanced as a result of having lots of people always around her!
Take care both of you
Emma
Giggling video is absolutely ::awesomesauce:: Hope your days at work are getting a lil more tolerable Your last two posts have left me with a heavy heart. Hang in there!!! It’s got to get better.
Could Maddy be any cuter?? I love the pictures of her sitting on the couch and video of her giggling is pricelss! There is nothing better than hearing a little one belly laugh. So fun! Hope you and Miss M have a great weekend together!
I am so impressed with how you are coping and raising such an angel. Take it one day at a time, you are doing amazingly!
I’m sure that Liz would be very proud.
Nothing makes you feel better like new shoes, right? I hope you got some good ones.
Having been a daycare provider for 21 years, my heart goes out to you. Those first days can be really tough.
The hard thing is that dropping Madeline at daycare is only the first tough part of your day….then you have to go and see all your well meaning co-workers.
Enjoy the weekend with Madeline!
Ahhh, baby laughter is the best!
That video made me smile! I needed that today, thank you (or should I thank Maddy?)! I hope today is an easier day at work!
Nothing better for the soul than baby giggles! I think your friend is right, Liz would be proud of you. You have a beautiful, happy child who giggles – and you are doing the best you can do every day with a totally unfair situation – total accomplishment!
I love baby giggles more than anything in the world. She is so adorable!!!
Oh my…that the sweetest sound in the whole world.
Don’t worry my baby does the same thing to me. She won’t even look at me when I am trying to tell her goodbye at daycare. This is while I am surrounded by kids who are crying because their mom or dad is leaving. At first it bothered me, but if she is having that much fun and likes it that much, I go with it and enjoy my freetime (work).
It will get easier dropping her off, I promise.
I guess out of everything I’ve tried to say I never thought of that. Of course Liz would be insanely proud of you. Seriously. Since I started reading your blog, I have thought about the hope we never have what-if’s. I’ve wondered if my other half would cope 1/2 as well as you have. ANd if he did, that would still be amazing because you really have not let the enormity of it stop you from living life and being a great dad. I’m no one to you, but I’m not only proud of you, but in awe at the ease in which you took to being a sole parent to Madeline, but of your ability to keep going, of the way your reaching our to friends, family, and strangers and giving Madeline such an enriching and full life. I know you’re always afraid she’ll lack a vital thing in her life, her mom, and she will miss her no doubt. I have all the confidence that you will make sure Madeline knows her mom though, through pictures, through your love that remains, through times with her family and friends… she will know how much she was loved and wanted and how loved her mother is too.
Matt-
So sorry your 2nd day back was worse. I am glad that Madeline appears to be adjusting well (not that any of us had any doubts). Baby giggles are the best sound in the World. Enjoy!
Amy from Louisville in the KY
Crying with you. This sucks!
I showed the video to my 17 month old son and once he heard the giggles, he put his arms out to hug the computer! He had to settle for blowing her kisses, but she has already captured the heart of my little guy! So sweet!
I love the giggles. I have this big grin on my face watching the video.
Hmmm…a post dated after 1am, with comments through 7am already approved?
So that whole getting-more-sleep thing hasn’t really jelled yet, huh?
Ah, well. All in good time…
Here’s hoping all your many, many, many waking hours are filled with good (or at least better) times, and lots and lots and lots of Maddy giggles.
What a great video. I’m not feeling well at all today and that laugh just made me feel a whole lot better. Just wait until she starts laughing in anticipation of you going to tickle her, if she hasn’t already. To me those are some of the best ones because that’s when they seem to laugh the hardest!
hugs.
Sorry day two was so shitty. You’re doing great though just putting one foot ahead of the other and getting through it. I’m so glad you had Maddy’s giggles to come home to! Nothing better than a baby’s laugh!
I hope that the giggles from your perfect baby made up for the bottom lip. They sure made my morning!!!
THANK YOU for sharing those, along with the tough time today, as I had to shut my front door on my way out this morning, listening to MY perfect baby calling out “MaaMaa”. It isn’t ever going to be fun dropping off, it just becomes more routine. Her lucky dad stays home with her and her sister. I get very jealous, but I guess we need a place to live!
That giggle makes me smile without even trying-what a beautiful gift Liz left you with Madeline
of course i just LOVE the giggles video! isn’t that the best sound?!
but that bottom lip—it’ll get you every time. i’m not sure that ever changes! just remember that you’re doing what you have to do to give maddy the best life possible.
hope you grabbed some ::awesomesauce:: shoes. i know shoe shopping always makes me feel better!!
((hugs from milaca))
People coming up to offer their warm wishes is the WORST!!! (Well, you know what I mean…) The look on their kind, concerned faces… It forces you to be who you are, which is a grieving husband.
Ain’t no gettin’ around it… but you will get thru it.
Or, you could just quit. BWHAHAHAAHAHAH
xoxoxooxxooxoxoxo
Liz WOULD be (and I am sure, is) so proud of you. You are doing a superb job given a pretty sucky set of circumstances. Madeline’s giggles say it all.
Continuing to send you peace and light as you adjust to this new normal. Much love, Nena and Reese
Matt I am sorry that your second day back at work was so shitty but I am glad that Madeline’s giggles helped brighten the rest of your day! The giggles from my kids always put a smile on my face! Sometimes when my son is laughing and I am in another room I run to check on him because occasionally he will be cracking up when he is doing something wrong! I hope things get easier at work soon. Take care and big *hugs* to you and Madeline.
I so needed to hear those baby giggles! I loved them.
Praying that each day gets a little better and a little easier to get through. I’m so glad Maddy is doing well at daycare.
Oh, man, baby giggles get me every time. Love it.
Hope that things have gotten easier for you as you spend more time at work. Thinking of you two as always!
That laugh is so precious.
I just love it. I still remember when each of mine did that for the first time. it just melts the heart and is good for the soul. *smiling* that laugh just made my day.
i really hope that getting back into the whole work thing is getting easier on you as time passes. you and maddie are in my thoughts.
The next round of ::awesomesauce:: is on me.
HOLA Matt
Have an ::awesomesauce:: weekend!
Besos to the Little princess
Sol
I love baby giggles, precious, sorry day 2 was a tough one!!
Also, Madeline’s outfits are ::awesomesauce::
What a crap-tastic day… I’m sorry. But Madeline and her giggles are super precious. (of course you know that) But I’m sure they can fix even the shittiest of days.
Hope this week was better and next week is better than that.
p.s. Have an ::awesomesauce:: day!!!
Love her giggles….and yours! So damn adorable. The visitors at work should probably slow down and hopefully you’ll find a new work routine. It is totally normal and understandable to not be able to function – its gut wrenching. Its a new environment, and new memories that will take time to heal as you have begun to at home. You have such thoughtful friends to extend their love miles away. Thinking of you and Maddie and hope the new week is brighter. Keep on keepin on!
I’m so glad that you have Madeline, I can’t imagine what you would do without her.
Thanks for the video. She’s precious.
Thinking of you, Matt. Life is just so unfair. Praying that this week was a *teeny* bit easier than last?
Loved the giggles video. My 6 year old loved it, too, and asked, “Is that the baby that loves robots?”
~Julie in MA
Her giggles are darling. Must be a big transition to get back to work and follow a new routine. Glad she is sleeping more and more for you…it’s like she knows you need her to.
New shoes huh? Do new shoes make you feel better than your ::awesomesauce:: tupac shoes??
I sure as hell hope so, you could use a little pick me up from some new kicks!! Hoping things are getting a little easier for you man ~ soooo glad you have the world’s most amazingly happy and adaptable babe to make the rough patches a little easier to bear -
apparently i am an html idiot.
only the “is” was supposed to be italicized. oh well. you get the point.
Matt,
Those giggles are great! If that is your alarm clock everyday, you have got it made. Little miss Madeline is getting even cuter everyday! I am crossing my fingers for you that work gets easier. It sounds like you are surrounded by people who care about you, Madeline, and Liz. You managed to show up! I think that warrants an award!
hugs from Chicago,
Mere
that might just be the best sound ever.
There is better sound than giggles from a baby. Thanks for sharing Maddy with us. I pray the days get easier for you.
Matt, she’s so adorable and those giggles!!! Peace to you!
the video of her giggling is absolutely adorable. i love it.
Loved the giggles… nothing quite like a giggling baby to make you feel momentarily better about things…. Hopefully Maddy had that effect on you as well….
Grief is like a lightening bolt, not a straight line. You don’t ever just get better and better all the time. You have good days and bad. Up and down. Zig and zag. But eventually it does level out.
Love those baby giggles.
Those giggles were your reward for making it through such a tough day. You are doing a great job. You really are taking care of each other! She may never realize how she’s held you together, but that doesn’t matter. You’re getting through it day by day.
Listened to the radio show. I agree, you are dressing this girl very well. Although, I’m sure she’s at her cutest nekkid!
Baby giggles are the best!!!
Sorry Tues was so hard. Hoping the days that follow are easier.
Now I know I am old. I did not know what “kicks” were. Hope all is going well and have a great weekend!
That was so precious watching the video of Madeline giggling. It made me feel happy and I’m sure it helps you thru the difficult times as well. You are a great father!
OMG, she is so cute. I can’t stand it! And the giggling is the best! Your future together is going to be so bright, I just know it!
I wish the men in this world would learn a few things from your incredible strength and honor.
You are a superb man, I’ll just call you superman.
You are so lucky to have Madeline.. she keeps you from cracking up! Those smiles are enough to melt a person…even one having a bad day!
Kiss the little princess for us!
very cute
I watched it with my 19 month old..made her laugh!
Matt, the first week of going back to work is under your belt, you did it! And it doesn’t matter how you did it, you attacked the fear. It’s great to see little miss Maddy giggle..and yes, soon, she will giggle at you..ha ha. About the non sleeping. I had it for 5 years after my husband past away….finally succumbing to councelling, peace of mind and heart and way less coffee…did the trick. All I hope for you is that you will get quicker to getting a restful night of sleep. Take care and have a good weekend, Anja
She is adorable, loved the video. Sorry it was a tough day. I admire your strength.
I’ve never left a comment before, but I’ve been following the blog for about a month now. I can only imagine your days are difficult, but you are doing an awesome job! The sounds of her sweet laughter should let you know that. You’re both in my prayers.
her giggle is PRICELESS! i hope madeline’s laughter fills your heart more and more everyday. you are blessed!
There is no one with a true heart or a brain cell that wouldn’t be proud of you.
You should be too.
Matt – going back to work is SO HARD for the average person, let alone for someone in your shoes. I’m sorry to hear it sucked so bad on day 2. I know Liz would be proud of you, I’m proud of you, too. You are doing great and you’ll get through this transition. Missy
You are doing an awesome job Matt! I read your blog and it makes me hope (in the event something happens to me) that my husband would do as fantastic a job with our son as you are doing with your precious daughter. Just keep up the good work!
LOL, Xbox!
(Probably not what you meant to say, but pretty dang funny…)
loved the ny tee….my home state!!!!!! sorry day 2 was wprse than day1. it will get better…..it is already just listening to Miss M giggling……just wait until there’s 5 little girls there for a sleep-over and then there will be giggles galore!!!!!! she is a treasure.
There is no more beautiful sound than a child giggling.
Asalamlaykom,
“i got her strapped into her car seat,” was completely gratuitous.
Dost thou fear The Wrath of Eric?
good giggles, bad day…but giggles do make a bad day better!! still hoping things are getting better – and here we are in a weekend, hope you enjoy it!!!
That is so freakin cute! I can’t wait for a giggle from mine, thanks for sharing!
I love the video..so cute.
I couldn’t help but to giggle myself..my kids are older and I haven’t heard that baby giggle in a long time. she is beautiful..
hope your days get a bit easier as they move along.
Matt,
I am sorry that you had such a bad day! What I would like to know is how is the teething coming along? Have any broken through yet? Hope your day is better tomorrow.
Long time reader thanks to the lovely Ms. Coppa at Storked!, but first time poster. I, too, am moving beyond the “perfect” white picket fence situation I had hoped for to living in my new version of reality. I read somewhere (hopefully, the APA citation police aren’t reading) that grief is like a sniper attack as you move forward. The strangest things may cause said attacks. Remember to take time for you– the Liz Phair show is a good example in recent history– and celebrate the little victories. You can and are doing it, with style. Keep rockin’.
I can’t believe how big she has gotten…what a beautiful giggle she has! I am so behind…but I think can catch up this week. Sorry to hear that your 2nd day did not start off with a bang…but I like that ended well for you. Keep up the good work!
You are such an awesome dad. You’re doing an awesome job, and the woman at work was right- Liz would be damn proud of you.
I’m due in less than 10 days, and of course, have been a faithful follower. Watching Maddy has been amazing to me. I can’t wait to watch my own little girl grow. Hopefully she won’t grow as fast as Maddy
(I know she will though).
Hi Matt,
Is there a more beautiful sound then a baby giggling? What a wonderful video,thanks for sharing! It made me smile, as I am sure it did everyone else who has viewed it. Maddy is getting so big! And might I say she is a doll.From what I can see, you are doing an awesome job, and I think that Liz is probably way beyond proud of you! Keep up the good work…
Matt, I just watched your video of Maddy giggling with my 1-year old daughter, and she got a huge kick out of it. My husband does the same thing to make her giggle. I always show her the pictures of Maddy and she smiles back.
You’re doing an amazing job. I know everyone says it, but it’s true.
Such a fun video…giggling was one of my favorite milestones! She is absolutely darling. I’m sorry your first couple of days back were so difficult. Hope they start to get easier. Thanks for continuing to share your life with us. We’re all cheering you on.
What a giggle- she is lovely! Here’s a question that I haven’t read on your site yet…every time I read your last name, I wonder how to pronounce it. Long o or short o sound? Hard g or soft g sound? Just wondering…
Hey Matt – I bawl every time I read your blog – but they are bittersweet tears. I’m so sorry for your loss but also leave every time with more faith in mankind. You are a glorious father. I hope that you are going to print your daily blogs or save them to disc so that your little angel can read them when she grows up and is able to make sense of them. She will fall in love with her Daddy and she will seek a man just like you. You’re doing great – hang in there! You are inspiring millions!
Loving the baby laughs! And those chubby thighs, love that stage.
So sorry to read your adjustment to working again is another reminder of what you have lost and how your life has changed. Hoping it gets easier with time Matt.
One day at a time?
hehee Xbox’s comment is great.!:)
i had to read it over about 3 times to get what em was talking about (im a little slow) – but man, that is h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s!
awesomesauce you fucker!!
GO PORK
FUCK ASSHATS
My mom ran a daycare out of our home when i was little-
I know that it was a huge challenge for the parents when they heard their children cry or struggle when it was time for them to be left..
but from what i witnessed.. it was so MUCH harder when the kids reached the stage of crying when it was time to go home with their parent.
So.. hearing that she was sad- and lit up upon seeing her daddy- I suppose I think that is a nice ego stroke.
133 comments it says.. wow Matt.
your like a blogging whirling dervish..even when behind you have a lot to say and a lot of people are obviously following intently!
I am seeing a lot of comments about things getting easier..
i say easy is relative- and while I have faith you will find peace- I can’t help but think that your struggles are a direct comment on your devotion to Liz- and there is beauty in that hurt.
It is all linked in my mind’s eye- perhaps one day these struggles will help Madeline to really feel how important her mother will always be in the world.
feel what you feel brother.
and please know you are cared for along the way.
@Jo in the ND:
I believe it’s pronounced LOE-glin.
But you’re better off just calling him “Matt,” cuz I’m wrong a lot…
Matt, I’m sorry you had a bad first two days back at work. People truly do have the best intentions, but they always seem to be poorly executed. Maddy, however, is the coolest baby ever.
awww her laugh is SOOOO cute!
it took me so long before I could catch Aiden’s on video… whenever he saw the camera, he just stopped to focus on the camera.
Madeline is growing so much! Adorable as ever and I love those giggles!
Izzy ‘N Emmy gave you an AWARD. Check It Out!
Never before in my entire life have I burst into tears and laughter at the same time. Maddie’s laugh is contagious and yet, it broke my heart… well… because.
Oh the best sound in the world, a baby laugh!
your baby is so beautiful, matt!
Your child laughing is the best sound in the world. It can make the worse day seem perfect. It’s like the world planned for her to first laugh on a day that was so rough on you.
baby laughs are the best! maddy is such a doll! this video brought tears to my eyes.