(soon i will be caught up…)
back to work,
back to daycare.
week two
is way
better than week one.
daycare drop-off
is smooth.
maddy smiles and
seems happy to
see her
new friends every morning.
i’m settling into
my new/old routine at
work, sitting at my desk
accomplishing some
actual work.
evenings are quieter…
both of us coming home
with less energy
than we used
to have during
our first six
months together.
more and more meals
at home.
fewer excursions outside
the house.
fewer visitors stopping
to by to make
sure we’re doing okay.
just us,
learning what it’s
like to be like
most other families.
that said, there
are still things
happening.
thanks once again
to amy and greg’s friend kim,
we were able to
purchase some tickets
to game 5 of
the nlcs.
maddy has become a good
luck charm for her team.
that’s what i
always thought,
but we’re starting to
convince others of the same.
so the tickets
were purchased,
the bastard was called
and agreed
to fly in from the
austin to see
his team try to
stay alive for
one more game.
on wednesday
we waited on the
couch for
our guests to arrive
the mail carrier delivered
some mail,
including a letter from
the organ donation
folks, reminding me that
it’s been 6 months since
liz
died.
thanks for the fucking reminder...
i was having
a pretty good day
until i opened
this letter.
(seriously…shouldn’t there be an opt in/opt out option for this kind of shit? liz did her part, i did mine. organ donation people…we don’t need to be fucking pen-pals. time to go our separate ways).
ken and amy arrived
then we headed
to the game.
we found our seats
and saw something
that gave us
a laugh.
the laugh was
followed by a
terrible idea.
maddy was okay
with the wig.
for a while anyway.
then she got hungry
and i discovered
that i brought
everything she needed
to the stadium,
except the bottle
she needed to
drink her formula.
what the hell
am i gonna do?
i mixed a little
formula in the
water bottle i brought
with me and
used a straw to
transfer the formula
from the bottle to
her mouth.
that didn’t work
so well.
what now?
i went to the
souvenir stand, borrowed
a lapel pin,
sterilized it with
a lighter borrowed
from a stranger
and poked a hole
in the cap of
the water bottle.
now i can squirt
the formula into
her mouth a little
bit at a time.
success.
after her dinner
maddy went back
to watching the game
while we ordered
our dinner from
a vendor.
before the game
ended, we joined
greg and some
of his friends
in seats
that were a little
closer to the field.
maddy, now back in
her manny wig,
attracted the attention
of a bunch of
folks with similar hairstyles,
and eventually
the attention of
a camera man who
decided that her
little mug belonged up
on the jumbotron
(i know, i know…i am a horrible father for doing this to her)
we watched the sun
set over the stadium
and on the dodgers
2008 season.
maddy’s winning
streak came to an end…
we knew it couldn’t
continue forever, but
it was fun while it last
after the game she
met some
new friends…
first she smacked
the mayor of the los angeles
then got a bearhug
from the owner
of the dodgers.
exhausted, we all
left the stadium.
dropped off greg, amy,
and the bastard, then
headed home.
we witnessed
some great things
today, but i had
no idea that the
most amazing thing
was yet to come.
yes.
she finally found
her feet.
her mother would
be so disgusted
that she had her
toes in her mouth.
that thought made
me smile.
thursday was just another
day for the two of us.
except that i was
finally able to send
$2000 from the lglm5k fund
to a widow with children
who could use
the help.
to date, we’ve received
roughly $4300
in donations.
3/4 of that has
been distributed.
$1000 more will be
sent to someone
very soon.
once again, thanks
to everyone who donated.
please know that
you’ve made a huge
difference in the life
of a widowed mother
and her two children.
friday was a
big day.
visits from the g. grandparents
and awesome auntie deb.
the grandparents
flew into the
airport by my office
and we met up
in a nearby parking lot
so they could
go with me to
see maddy’s daycare.
they loved the place.
we grabbed my baby
and all headed back
to the house.
maddy got changed
and then did
a little reading.
later she proved
to us just how
strong her legs are.
time to pick deb
up from the
airport then we were
off to dinner
at the french restaurant
in the atwater village.
had a nice talk
about how we want
to continue to give
to those who
need the help more than
me and maddy.
despite our circumstances,
we’ve been extremely fortunate…
knowing this, we want
to do so much more
for those in similar circumstances.
(we’ll be working with the creeps in the coming months to make this happen…details to follow).
maddy slept through all of this.
had another
wonderful dinner
and shared a little
wine with a guy
who shared our table
with us.
madeline woke up
happy on saturday
deb read her a few
of her favorite books
then maddy got angry as
deb tried to
strap her into her
high chair
for a little rice cereal.
after making a huge
mess, it was time
for a bath
after bath time
madeline watched as
her father and grandfather
struggled to put together
one of the
toys that has been
sitting in a box
for months.
many, many minutes later
she was finally able
to enjoy the
damn thing.
(i think we had more fun watching her than she did playing with the thing).
after all that fun
it was time
to make grandpa tom g.’s
dreams come true
and take him to the
electric-car dealership
on the west side
so he could drool
on the future.
maddy got a test-sit
and filled her
diaper while
in the driver’s seat
(sorry to the folks in the tesla dealership).
we made a
quick exit and headed
next door to change her.
maddy demonstrated
her flexibility
while i had
a cup of tea.
later, maddy hung out
with grandma candee
and awesome auntie deb
while grandpa tom g.
helped me with something.
the best part of
weekend came next…
maddy’s first trip
to a pumpkin patch.
here’s where i really miss
liz.
she loved decorating
for the holidays.
i never gave a shit
whether or not
there were pumpkins
on the front porch
and i most certainly
would not be the
one to carve them
(touching the stuff inside the pumpkin makes me want to vomit).
yet every holiday
she made sure that
our house was appropriately decorated.
she was really
looking forward to celebrating
holidays with our
baby and i know that
halloween would
have been one of
her favorites.
now it’s my job to
get excited about
the shit that i
used to hate…
i know that’s what
liz
would want.
with those thoughts
bouncing around my
empty head,
we wandered around,
trying to pick out
the perfect pumpkins.
we paused in the
middle of our search
to ride a giant
rocking horse.
then a blog
reader introduced herself.
maddy needed a break
from me so she
rested against some pumpkins
and flashed us a
giant grin.
then it was time
for a little snack
and a sit-down
with some skulls
and a rat.
we ended up taking
home a few pumpkins
and lots of great memories.
we paused for a
photo with a sign
we both liked
then we made our
way back to the car
and out to dinner
with auntie anya
in the eagle rock.
we heard all about
her new life
while maddy slept.
said goodbye to everyone
after dinner and
headed home to sleep.
before hitting the couch
i put the pumpkins
on the porch.
closed the door,
turned off the lights.
not sure i can
take this on.
sunday was a busy day.
the in-laws helped
me open the packages
that have been stacking
up all around my house.
the house went from this:
to this:
we laughed at the
gift sent to maddy
by a
“republican with a sense of humor”
(of course maddy loves that fucking thing. but seriously…thanks for having a sense of humor).
grandma candee read to maddy
while we put
together the rest of
her big toys.
so i know the question
has been posed
before and i think
i answered it,
but here it goes again…
“what do you do with all of the stuff that maddy outgrows?”
the stuff she outgrows
plus the duplicated stuff
gets distributed to
many different places.
i’ve sent a few
packages to single mothers
in need of help
(brought to my attention by readers of the blog).
i’ve given some
stuff to friends who
are about to have
a babies.
and some of the stuff
has been donated
to local shelters.
we will continue to
do this as long
as there is stuff
to donate.
yes.
we have been very
fortunate to get
so much help
from strangers.
we never wanted/expected
any of this,
but we certainly appreciate
it and will continue
to do everything
we can to
pass on our good fortune.
thank you to everyone
who has sent us something.
grandpa tom g.
took awesome auntie
deb to the airport
while maddy, grandma candee
and i stayed behind.
madeline took a nap
as i stared out
our front window.
i noticed
a dude staring at
liz’s
car.
i went outside
and asked him
if i could help him.
“is this car for sale?”
he said.
fuck.
i hadn’t really
thought about that.
i don’t really
need a second car
and i could certainly
use the money.
hmmm…
“uh, yeah. it is.”
funny thing is, there was
no “for sale” sign
on the car.
turns out that
the guy just saw
a dirty car and figured
it was dirty because it
was no longer
being used.
he was right.
the great thing about this is
that i didn’t
have much time
to use the irrational
part of brain
to say no
to the guy
just to hold on
to her car.
we negotiated over the
price for a few minutes
and agreed
on one that we
both believed to
be fair.
he promised to
come back in
a few days
to pay me
and take the car.
shit.
i think i would
have paid him
just to get
thing out of my sight.
it’s been difficult
to look out the
window and see it,
to walk past
it everyday.
this is a step
in the right direction,
albeit a hard one.
told grandma candee
about what happened
outside and she
agreed that
i was doing the right thing.
so did grandpa tom g.
awesome.
that night we
had dinner at
the house while
madeline bounced around
in her new toys.
the grandparents left
for the hotel
and it was just us again.
tomorrow is another day,
the start of
another week.
we made it through
another one.
thanks, madeline.
Love the Ramones tee-shirt.
And thank you for donating money to families that need it and babies toys/things to shelters and charities - its a wonderful example to set for Maddie.
She is just getting more beautiful by the day.
Wow, that was a lot to read. Eventhough it feels like things have slowed down a bit, you still manage to stay quite busy! By the way, the bath pics were my fav this time. She just looks so precious there all wrapped up in her towel and be cuddled by you in the bath and in your arms = sweet!
We’ve been doing the pumpkin thing too and last night we (I) carved them. My son also doesn’t like the feel of the “guts” inside, so he used a spoon to scoop out the stuff. You could try that or just get Ben over there to do the dirty work for you!
And now a funny tidbit for you. When I was shopping for one of those toys like you now have with all those activity things on it for Madeline to play with, the salesperson asked me if I wanted the “American style” or the “European kind”. The European kind had maybe 4 things on it…nothing too fancy. The American kind was packed with all those things on it, made annoying sounds, had flashing lights, etc. - the works!
Has the guy picked up Liz’s car yet? I hope you told him that he must drink Diet Coke in it in her honor :o)
You are doing an awesome job. Madeline will laugh at herself at the adorable Manny look-alike pictures on the jumbotron (the should have won!!!) and will appreciate her first trip to the pumpkin patch for your efforts. You are lucky to have each other.
That sucks about the car. So sorry that you have to do that. As always, though, Madeline is SO CUTE. I love her peach fuzz hair.
Hey Matt - it’s nice to hear that week two was a little easier. Madeline is getting so big and is still the cutest baby I have ever seen.
So glad to hear how much we raised in the LGLM5K and to see it be passed on to help others in need. You truly are an awesome person.
I hope the weeks continue to be easier and as always I am thinking of you and Madeline here in the mn.
Matt, you are doing such a fabulous job. Between raising Maddy and helping out other parents out there in similar positions, you deserve huge pats on the back!!
I love all the pictures….there isn’t a single one where Maddy doesn’t look adorable!
PS- Pumpkin guts make me want to vomit, too!
wow you posted this one really late at night (or super early morning)! a very very busy week. I can’t believe how much Madeline has grown. you can see the knowledge in her eyes. you picked out the perfect pumpkins. i love the picture with the pumpkins over Madeline’s head, she’s batting them away like she’s saying “Daddy you’ll mess up my hair!!”
that was a whole lot of packages. hope you got some good stuff!
Liz would be happy to see that you’re carrying on her memory by doing things you otherwise would not have been excited to do. You could have just as easily given up doing the holidays like Liz did, but you aren’t. You’re keeping her spirit alive and Madeline will thank you for that. but then again I think you secretly liked doing those things all along but gave Liz trouble to keep up your macho image.
hugs from NJ,
erica and Landon
Glad the second week was better than the first.
Happy Halloween (Is that what you say? We don’t really do it on the same scale here in Australia).
Oh my gosh, Madeline in the dreds was so funny! Of course she made it up on the Jumbotron! She’ll love those pics someday when she’s older. (Make sure you keep those handy to show all her boyfriends. She’ll really appreciate that.)
So glad to hear things are getting less intolerable. And good for you taking that plunge with Liz’s car…sounds like it was meant to be.
Ahhh baby paraphernalia it’s the necessary evil of children. I love that your paying it forward in everything. Madi is so darn cute them cheeks just scream for kisses. Love the pumpkin patch pictures. Thanks for sharing your lives with us. Have a great Halloween.
Matt, you continue to amaze me with your strength. (I know, you don’t see it, but it’s there).
I love Maddy’s t-shirt collection and her opinion on propositions. You’re a great dad for showing her the way. As far as the elephant goes, let her chew the darn thing up!
Does Maddy have a costume for tomorrow?
liz would be so proud of you, as i am, a stranger friend as you would say. i am glad there are more days filled with smiles and good times, as there will be many more ahead for you.
Hello, MacGyver with the impromptu makeshift bottle. Very clever, sir.
I’m glad it’s getting easier. Thanks, as always, for sharing it all with us.
Wanted to say that really like your blog and also comment on the organ donation part. I work for a organ donation program on the other side of the country, and wanted to say that if you no longer want to receive letters, etc from the organization near you, simply call and tell them you want to be taken off the mailing list. They should respect your wishes and discontinue future mailings until you are ready to receive them. I hope this helps.
I’m not sure how I found your blog but I’ve been reading for a little while now. I was a single mom for 8 years. Not due to death but because someone left before my daughter was even born. I think you are doing a wonderful job. Madeline looks so happy and you are making some great memories for her. I haven’t commented before but when I saw that we share a birthday, I just had to say hi and happy birthday.
Matt,
Good to hear that you are Maddy are still doing well with some of those big changes! It looks like your house is going to be decked out for Halloween! What is Maddy going to be for Halloween? I am sure she would be adorable as anything
hugs from Chicago
Matt–I sure enjoy reading your blog…Maddy is getting so big. I am now PG (wasn’t when I first started reading) with hopefully my first baby to bring home. We have one angel already…You are quite the guy…I wish there was just some intricate cool way to say thanks, but there isn’t Thanks for everything. Donations from the fund, from Liz (I just had a friend who received a kidney 3 weeks ago-it is amazing…I know hard for you, but honestly absolutely amazing)..and passing on things from Maddy.
I am completely humbled by everything you write. Smiles and hugs to you
erin
Yay! You’re back! You’re doing a great job at catching up on things, don’t stress about it. Thanks for keeping us updated on it all…
I think you did the right thing about Liz’s car, too. And I think the way the situation worked out was just right…like you said, no time to dwell on it and talk yourself out of it.
this is a step
in the right direction,
albeit a hard one.
So true. You’ve been making a lot of hard steps lately, Matt. I wish you didn’t have to.
Argh, ok…before I get teary. Madeline was freaking hilarious in her Manny dreds. Those pics totally make up for the missing armpit fuzz/hair pics. Thank you.
Oh, and I see you have a jumperoo (the giant toy with all the rainforest creatures that make noise). She will LOVE that, at least, my son does. Sometimes I thought he would bring down the house, he was jumping so hard.
Anyway, good on you for getting through another week. You are, as always, making all of us
strangerfriends proud.Fun week. Love the wig, love the pics, love the fam, love it all. Glad things are going well.
Matt, I LOVED how you improvised with Maddie’s bottle dilema - way to go!!! You are the bomb!
Janet
Yippee….Maddy on the jumbotron. Not much better than that!!!
what a great weekend with family.
now go carve that pumpkin (the guts make me want to vomit too).
She’s getting so big! It’s amazing all of the packages that people have sent you over the last few months. I am so happy to hear that you’ve been able to pass the smaller stuff on to others who need it now that Maddy is growing. Love the RAMONES onesie. That’s perfect. Have a great Halloween–can’t wait to see the pictures!
Thanks for the great pics of Maddy. Glad to hear she loves day care. She is beautiful! Keep up the good work!
Much love to you and Madeline. I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of months now. Your strength is inspiring. Madeline is so lucky to have such a super daddy. My heart goes out to you both, you’re doing an excellent job!
Matt - you rock the house. Keep up the great work!
First off I know it is impolite to comment on a ladies thighs . . . but I love her chubby wubby legs. And she seriously is getting cuter by the day. I’m sure you are starting to have so much fun with her as her personality emerges.
I love how into the baseball games she always seems to be. She is little Liz sitting right there with you enjoying them just like big Liz used to do
The picture of her standing on her changing table is so exciting!!! She is getting to be such a big girl!
Ordinarily, after you have a baby your house becomes flooded with baby gear and yours seems to be no exception with the swing and bouncer and exersaucer. I can’t imagine the amount of “stuff” you have accumulated from well wishers. I admire you for spreading that around to families in need. Just another example of what a wonderful person you are.
And the pumpkin patch - as a Momma I want to commend you for doing those things which you know are important but that you kinda, sorta might hate a little bit! It is important - at least to me as a Mommy - to build memories with my children around the holidays and for kids Halloween and the pumpkin patch are pretty important. You’re making wonderful memories for Maddy. On the plus side - for the next couple of years you *might* be able to get away without actually cutting and sticking your hand into the pumpkin . . . but not forever. Sorry!
I know it was hard to let Liz’s car go but a part of me thinks she had a hand in that . . . seriously, there was no for sale sign on it. She knew it was time.
Can you tell I’ve missed your updates! I’m glad the second week was better and hope the third week is even more so. Take care!
she is so precious. are you going to dress her up for halloween? Mine wasn’t old enough to go trick or treating or anything but we still dressed him up like a bumble bee and took him to get pictures.
Maddy on the jumbotron - love it! Just where she belongs! Good for you going out and buying some pumpkins. I’m sure Liz would love knowing your house has a couple pumpkins on the front porch this fall!
Powerful powerful stuff…
Thanks, Matt!
Wow! First poster? Could it be! I am normally just a lurker but I wanted to telll you what a wonderful job you are doing with Maddy. I know you hear it all the time but once more isn’t going to hurt is it?
I’m glad that you got some pumpkins. I know the holidays will be difficult, but celebrating them with Madeline will be wonderful. Can’t wait to read about your past couple of weeks….. but take your time. You’ve got more important things to do than write for a bunch of strangers. seriously. I wasn’t being a smartass.
So glad your days are getting easier. BTW, this is my 13 month old daughter’s favorite blog. She watches the pictures of Maddy, and smiles and points at the pretty baby. She actually clapped her hands when she saw Maddy in her exersaucer!
Awesome post! Glad you had a good week. My favorite pic is the one after you’ve just changed her into the gray outfit - she’s standing on the changing table, giving you the BIGGEST smile ever. Adorable.
Way to MacGyver the bottle at the stadium. Glad that you had some help opening and organizing packages.
So Beautiful. Thanks for sharing. The bathtime pics are precious. You are taking baby steps in the right direction. Maddy isn’t too far behind.
Much love from Utah
Thanks for sharing another weekend with us. I adore your pictures of that gorgeous baby!
The Ramones shirt is too kewl! Awesome job, awesome job!
Glad to hear things went well last week Matt. Maddy is growing more and more beautiful with each picture! Hope you had fun in the NY!
~Mariah in the WI
Aw, can I just say how much I love all the pictures you post of you and Madeline? It’s so wonderful watching her grow. Loved her on the jumbotron! That is priceless!!
Matt,
Thank you for being so open and honest and for letting us see a small glimpse into your lives. Maddie is beautiful, you are an awesome father, and a great inspiration to others. Thank you for passing on your blessings, along to others. Hopefully one day when your back this way again in MN I will get to meet the two of you.
Kari
Lakeville, MN
is it weird that i like the pumpkin guts??
as always, awesome post. you’re awesome. maddy’s awesome. the g grandparents and aunt deb are awesome. sounds like a great week! can’t wait to hear about your trip to the NYC!
Your sweet girl is becoming quite the character - adorable! And it’s great to see that so many other people are also getting some help through this crazy network of stranger/friends. It’s a nice reminder about how our world seems a little better when we all help each other out.
Will Madeline get to help you vote on Tuesday? I’m waiting for photos of that.
Hi Matt…
Hi Madeline…
Still reading, still completely amazed, still think you’re my new hero in life!
Matt,
the pis of Maddy with the Manny wig is the funniest sh*& I’ve seen in a long time.
I love your creative makeshift bottle. That is so awesome.
It is great that family got go along on the first trip to the pumpkin patch. My oldest is two and half now and it is hard not to excited about the holidays with him. We did 3 pumpkin patches this year (he loves watching the pumpkin canon). I can not wait to see his excitement at Christmas time it is exciting to see it through their eyes. So in a couple years she might just be dragging you to the pumpkin patch.
I hope she is enjoying her exersaucer. My daughter has the same one and loves it. If it was up to her she would spend all day in there in there or her jumperoo.
Glad this week went smoother. Happy belated birthday from Illinois.
Great post, great photos. She is so pretty.
So hard to take the first steps of letting things go, my heart goes out to you…
Thanks for the update Matt. I think it is great that you are donating so much to those in need. The Mister and I both found ourselves out of work when I got pregnant and had a super hard time finding jobs (especially once I started to waddle) so we got a lot of stuff from friends and we are now happy to keep passing it around. No point in just storing when there are other babies out there who could be using it! I also wanted to say a)were those Robot baby legs? Seriously - I need to get Moira some of those! b) it must be time to get rid of the car if the Universe is just sending you someone to buy it off of you. c) I would totally have put my daughter in the wig-thing too - those pics were hilarious.
Thanks for sharing your life with us.
you both look fabulous…as well as g.grandparents and awesome auntie deb. the pics from the game were great and you were very inventive with the bottle…
Great post today, made me laugh and cry. I dont know why… I think it was the pen pal shit….anyways, you are a great Daddy , the part about forgetting the bottle ha ha first thing I thought of McGuyver, there will be lots more of those “inventions” Well Happy Halloween, cant wait to see Maddys costume…..
Way to go with the makeshift bottle! Brillant! Madeline is lucky to have you for a Daddy. Your doing a great job with her and its touching to hear that you are doing things that Liz would have loved. My kids love to go to the pumpkin patch - each year my oldest seems to get more excited (he’s 5 and spent an incredible amount of time in search of “the perfect pumpkin” - aka the biggest pumpkin in the patch!) I’m happy to hear that work/daycare is getting a little easier. I can only imagine how hard it is to get used to your new normal. You’re doing an awesome job!
Awesome post Matt. I of course am a loyal follower, and have truly enjoyed watching her grow. I don’t know if you remember, but I’ve posted a few times, and I’m the one that was pregnant. Notice I said was. My little girl was born on 10-21, and I am amazed at the height of emotions I feel. Now I understand some of the emotions you explain. Now that she’s here, I think about you sometimes, and my admiration of you grows by ten each time. I really admire you doing it all on your own. My daughter is in the NICU still (she’s having seizures), and although you don’t have Liz right there, Maddy is half her and you, and you seem to have the amazing support of so many people.
Again, you are doing a great great job!
Awesome resourcefulness with the bottle at the game! That goes in the category “you know you’re a parent when…” And glad the grandparents and awesome auntie deb got to visit.
Great idea with the lapel pin - what a dad!
Love the pics of Madeline playing with toes and the shot of her on the big screen in the rasta cap is hilarious
You’ve been very generous with helping other people, by giving away what Maddy no longer needs, and by organizing the walk and future events. Selling the car is another way of sharing something that someone else can use.
aaaaaaaaarh…. I just want to bite those legs… Hers Matt.. not yours.. ha..:)
.. Hey, you have to bring her over to look at our light display this year for Christmas.. A whole new set up yhis year… I think she will love it… we will have a special spot just for you guys..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26ivOUXnPgE
~G.
It took me three hours (by myself with baby playing) to put together that exersaucer, so I feel your pain. To boot baby girl thinks it is just ok…. sight.
Great work and I love your blog. It has become a daily habit.
Congrats on hands-down, the most creative solution for not having a bottle at the ready I have ever heard. I am a mom of 3 and I hadn’t ever gotten that creative myself. Most impressive work! And sterilizing the pin made all of us moms (including Liz, I am sure!) most impressed!