***monday***
grandma candee and grandpa tom g.
stopped by in
the morning to say
goodbye before heading
back to the mn.
then it was
back to daycare for maddy,
back to work for me.
that evening we found
ourselves in a vegan restaurant
for the first time
in either of our lives.
it was laura’s suggestion,
but i actually liked it.
went home early
that night, exhausted
after a weekend full of activity.
got a call from
a good friend in
india who reminded me
that it was a new year
in india and that
things will be looking up.
i can only fucking
hope so.
***tuesday***
nothing of significance
to report, other than
the fact that
my team won the
charity wii tournament
at work.
do not challenge me
in either mariokart or boom blox.
maddy also seems to
have picked up
a cold sometime during
the day.
a stuffy nose and
lots of sneezing,
but neither
kept her from sleeping.
i noticed that my
hair is significantly grayer
than it was at
the beginning of the year.
***wednesday***
dropped madeline off at
daycare around 8:00am
and headed to work.
got a call from the
guy who wants
to buy
liz’s
car.
he’s stopping by tonight
with cash
to take it out
of my life.
this is moving
really, really fast,
which is the best
thing in the world.
no time to think
about it.
we arranged to meet
later that evening.
now all i have
to do is
get through the workday
without thinking about it.
got a call after lunch,
one i’ve been dreading…
maddy’s daycare calling
to tell me that she
was running a high temp.
they suggested that
i pick her
up and take her
to the doctor.
i did what
any parent would
do…dropped everything
and headed
straight to the daycare center.
i worried the entire
way to the place,
a whole 4 minutes.
when i arrived,
madeline was in her
crib, smiling away.
good.
at least she’s not
losing her shit.
i picked her up
and could feel that
she was indeed a
little warm.
i thanked them and
called the doctor.
they could get her
in at 2:00.
we headed home and maddy
took a short nap
until it was
time to head to
the doctor.
went to the sick waiting
room for the
first time,
which felt like a
quarantine area.
madeline smiled at me
until i tried to
wipe her nose…
it’s the only time she cried.
the nurse took
us to the exam. room
and decided that madeline
should be weighed again.
she weighed in
at 15 lbs., 2 oz.,
up from 13 lbs., 13 oz.
less than a month earlier.
that rice cereal sure
seems to be
helping her
pack on the pounds.
the doctor came
in and was awesome
as usual.
she took a look
at maddy and said that
she had a bit
of a cold and that
her temp wasn’t
all that high.
i mentioned that
we were supposed
to fly to the nyc the
next day and asked
if we should
cancel the trip.
the doc. took at look
at maddy’s ears and said
that they looked fine
and that she
could fly.
she did say that
madeline may be a little
fussier than usual,
simply because of the cold,
but there was no
reason to cancel the trip.
of course i would
have done so
without hesitation, but
it was nice to
hear that i didn’t
have to.
i thanked
the doc. and we headed home.
maddy went back to
sleep and i went about
cleaning up and
organizing the house.
realized that madeline
was more like
her mother than
i ever could have imagined.
then i spent some
time cleaning out
liz’s
car.
the trunk was full of
stuff i didn’t know
was in there.
workout clothes, yoga mat,
pregnancy books, magazines.
put everything in a
bag and brought it
in the house.
this sucks.
about an hour
later the car buyer
arrrived and handed
me a small wad of cash.
i handed him
the only key
i had.
i said thanks
and he said he’d
be back tomorrow night
to pick it up.
tomorrow night?
what the fuck?
i thought it was
going to leave
my life tonight?
damn.
i told him i wouldn’t
be here when he
came back to pick it up.
he left and i went
back inside.
i stared out the window
for a few minutes
then madeline woke
up and caught my
attention.
always there to
keep me from
totally losing it.
i spent the rest
of the evening
packing for our
trip and thinking about
how different
this day would have
gone if
liz
were here.
the less busy of
the two would
have been the
one to rush to
maddy’s daycare,
to take her to the doctor.
selling her car
would have been
an awesome occasion,
both surprised that
the pile of shit
was worth anything.
we would have celebrated
with a nice,
home-cooked meal
and spent the night
watching our
baby sleep off her cold.
instead, it’s me,
maddy and house
filled with reminders.
i need to
go to sleep.
i have to leave
for the airport
in two hours.
but i can’t.
and i didn’t.
***thursday***
got madeline up
and changed just
as our ride arrived.
we walked outside
and i knew it would be the
last time i’d have
to look at
liz’s
car.
it will be gone
by the time
i get back from the nyc.
one thing
down, a million more
to go.
i hear from
a lot of people that
i need to get
her stuff out of
the house…
put it in
the garage, give it away, whatever.
but it’s not just
her stuff.
it’s the clothes
she bought for me,
the stupid throw pillows
she bought for the couch,
the stuff we got
for our wedding.
i can’t get rid
of everything.
if i did
i’d have nothing left.
but here’s the thing…
we could burn
the house down,
with everything in it,
and it still wouldn’t help,
’cause it’s not
really the stuff…
it’s the memories.
the stuff sometimes trigger
the memories,
but the memories will
always be there,
and i can’t simply
get rid of them.
and i don’t want to.
but i do
want to sleep.
passed downtown
then we napped most of
the way to lax.
it’s gonna be a
long day, including
a lay-over in the chicago
but it will be worth
it so i can
be out of the los angeles
on the 25th.
as the doctor
promised, madeline
was a little fussier than
usual on the flight,
which means she cried
as we boarded
the flight and passed out
upon takeoff,
soon after finishing
her bottle.
landed at our
halfway mark with
no major incidents.
we both had a
little lunch during our
layover then we were
off to the nyc.
maddy was perfect
on the flight, sleeping
most of the way.
i had to wake her
up just
to change her diaper.
soon enough
we were on the
ground and in a cab
on the way
to auntie maleeda’s apartment.
most of this trip is free,
which is why
we could take it.
i used some of
our frequent flier miles,
built up from all
the business travel
we both used to do,
in order to get here.
and through
the kindness of
liz’s
friend, maleeda,
we had a free
place to stay.
we got to her
place, dropped off
our stuff and headed
straight to dinner
with kate c.
had a great dinner
at a steak restaurant
and i spent the
entire evening talking
her ear off.
after dinner
we decided to have
a quick drink.
we got tossed from
a few bars
before ending up
at a place with
a guy playing piano and
singing rather earnestly.
we had a glass
of wine and then
lauren joined us.
we all hung out
for a bit then it
was off to
meet lauren’s roommate
before she left
for the weekend.
we talked for a
bit then it hit
me that i was
fucking exhausted.
madeline and i
headed back to auntie
maleeda’s place and
i fell asleep before
i hit the bed.
***friday***
woke up and wished
my smiling baby
a happy 7 month birthday.
these other parents
are not lying when
they say that time
goes by pretty fast
when there’s a baby
in your life.
it doesn’t seem possible
that the little girl
who came out
on march 24th
is the same baby i
have laying next to
me on october 24th.
she’s so much
bigger, so much more
interactive.
she has a personality
that is mostly her
mother’s, but there’s
just enough
of me showing
through her for
me to know they
didn’t give me the
wrong baby when we
left the hospital.
the worries about
a bringing home a premature baby,
the concerns about
being a new parent,
all gone.
7 months in
and i feel like a
professional father…
now if someone would
just pay me for
that job.
mid-morning arrived
and it was time
to catch up with lauren.
she’s taking us
on a little excursion
outside the city.
met up at
grand central terminal
and took a few photos
before catching
our train to the organic
farm in the tarry town.
we arrived and wandered
around, taking in
the fall colors.
maddy held on tightly
as i pushed her
along the dirt road.
we caught a cab
back to the train
station and headed back
to the city.
lauren held madeline
while i mixed maddy
a bottle.
arrived back in the city
and headed straight
to social to meet
up with a bunch
of strangers friends.
we got there
a little late
and found a few people
waiting for us.
more and more
people showed up
including one of
liz’s
roommates from freshman
year at scripps.
what a an awesome
surprise it was to
see megan again after
all these years,
and to let her
see and hold madeline.
madeline got
passed around to
lots of women.
but it wasn’t only
women that showed up…
a few of them dragged
the men in their
lives to the event.
sorry guys…
maddy loved meeting everyone
and so did i.
it was getting late
and it was time
to head out to the
broken social scene show
in the brooklyn.
didn’t think maddy was
quite ready for this one,
so she hung out
with melissa
while i headed
to the show with talia and lauren.
when we got to
the show at 10:00, the band
was already playing.
they didn’t stop
until 12:30.
one of the longest
and best shows
i’ve ever seen.
after the show
i said thanks to melissa
picked up maddy
and headed back to
auntie maleeda’s apartment
for a night
of sleep.
***saturday***
i got a year
older on this day.
never a fun
occasion, but even less
so this year.
add to it the fact
that it was
also the 7 month
anniversary of
liz’s
death and we were
looking at a potentially
shitty day.
thankfully maddy is
maddy and woke up
with a smile and
some laughter.
our friends also
made some plans for us,
to help take my
mind off of the date.
first up was brunch
with lauren, talia and melissa.
we were invited by
stranger friend sarah
to come see her
at the restaurant
where she works.
she greeted us at
the door and
took great care of
us during brunch.
maddy sat with me
at the table
then decided she
wanted to dance upon it.
later she took
down a bottle
and passed out in my arms.
after brunch we took
a walk around the
city and ended up
at banksy’s
village pet store and charcoal grill
in the greenwich village.
we got to see
some animatronic pets.
outside we saw
a sad dolphin.
from the pet store we walked
around the city,
getting caught in
the rain.
we retreated to
a friend’s apartment
where i watched
some football
with talia as maddy passed out.
i looked at the
clock at 6:11 and
tried to forget
about things.
later, maddy hung out
with some friends
while we went out
to dinner at an
awesome restaurant
in the meat-packing district.
maddy sent me
a note
that made me cry.
after dinner
i picked up my baby
and headed home
to sleep away what
was left of the 25th.
a pretty good birthday,
all things considered.
***sunday***
headed to the brooklyn to
meet some folks
for brunch.
on the way there
i heard from old
friend and former
coworker stella t.
she just learned that
we were in town
and she wanted to join
us for brunch.
it was really nice to catch
up with her.
after brunch i said
goodbye to everyone
and took a little
walk, just madeline
and me,
around the lower east side.
we enjoyed the
beautiful weather and
did a little shopping
until it was time
to meet up
with jd and chrissy.
we talked over
some frozen yogurt
and decided to
do a little shopping
for madeline.
after the shopping trip
we headed to
the playground where jd
enjoyed the swingset
and maddy watched.
we decided it was time
to get something
to eat/drink so
we ended up
at a bar
where i had a
beer and some
not so good
fried food.
we walked our
friends back to
their car where
we said goodbye.
maddy and i walked
around for a bit,
stopping in a bookstore
to pick up a few
books for the flight.
later we met up
with lauren for dinner
at a burger place
near her apartment.
maddy caught the attention
of all the ladies
in the place
after dinner we took
advantange of the
beautiful evening
and walked all the way
to auntie maleeda’s apartment,
stopping along the way
to take some photos.
stopped by grand central terminal
to see what it
looks like late
on a sunday night.
we kept walking
and finally reached
auntie maleeda’s place
and said goodbye
to lauren.
maddy slept while i
worked on getting
our stuff packed up
for our flight
tomorrow evening.
***monday***
finished up our packing
and met lauren
for tea at her office.
said goodbye until next time,
then it was a walk
around the city
until it was time
for lunch with kate c.
had a great lunch
at a restaurant
near her office.
after lunch we watched
some people
fall while skating
on the giant ice rink.
a woman that
went to camp with
awesome auntie deb
recognized us and
stopped long enough to
introduce herself
and say hello.
got to talking
to kate about
liz
and she suggested
that we do
a little shopping for madeline.
we walked a little
ways and ended up
at one of
liz’s
favorite places.
kate bought madeline
a teething ring
and i bought maddy something
that she really didn’t
need, but something
that her mom
would have loved.
we left the store
and said goodbye for now.
before heading to
the airport we stopped
by the office of
creepy sol from argentina’s friend, fatima.
sol sent a really nice
care package for
maddy and me but
the two bottles of
argentinian wine
she sent along
couldn’t be shipped
to us
so i had to pick them
up from fatima.
nice to see
her again.
i thanked her for
the wine
and we walked back
the apartment to
get our luggage.
soon enough we were
in a cab
and on the way
out of town.
got a few photos
along the way
got to the airport
and found out that
our flight was delayed,
so delayed in fact that
we were going
to miss our connection
in the chicago.
fuck.
we managed to
get onto an earlier,
but still
delayed, flight that
would get us in time
to make our connection.
awesome, ’cause i only
carried on enough
diapers and formula for
the flights,
not for a night
stuck in an airport
plus the flights.
lesson learned without
having to face
the actual situation.
the flight to the chicago
went great,
with maddy sleeping
almost the entire trip.
got to the chicago
and got myself some food.
maddy was still
asleep in the front
pack so i used her
head as a napkin.
some mayo fell from
my sandwich and onto
her head.
i cleaned it up
pretty quickly so
i had no idea
that anybody noticed.
as we boarded the
flight a woman
laughed at me
and said,
“i saw the hair gel you put in your baby’s hair”
i had to
laugh with her.
this is the kind of
shit that maddy’s gonna
have to deal with
growing up
with a father like me.
maddy woke up
as the plane
took off and cried
for the next 20 mins.
eventually she decided
that she wanted the bottle
i made for her
and calmed down.
the rest of the flight
went smoothly.
i tried to sleep but
instead spent most of
the flight thinking
about what an
awesome weekend we had,
and what awesome
friends we have.
soon enough
we were back
in the los angeles.
we made it home before 1:00am.
when we arrived,
liz’s
car was gone.
120 Comments
I am tired just reading about your adventures. You are making wonderful memories for you and Maddy. “Liz’s car was gone”-baby steps Matt, baby steps. Each step is part of the journey of your new future. Thank you for sharing your world with all of us.
happy belated birthday
Isnt it amazing how babies can sleep through a cold!!
Wow, what a week! I loved the pic of Maddy with the Happy Birthday sign for Daddy, how touching. Gald you had a good bday. Love the mayo on the head story, how funny. Happy belated 7 month bday to little Maddy!
Glad the birthday was ok for you. I hope this year, things start looking up. Sounds like a great trip, thanks for sharing it with those of us who can’t go anywhere at the moment.
Sounds like an awesome, awesome trip!
Sounds like a fun trip. Maddy is getting bigger all the time! You need to schedule a trip to the chi sometime soon so Maddy’s fans can meet her.
My daughter also dislikes having her nose wiped! Turns her head away when she sees the kleenex approaching! Glad you were able to make your trip though.
Once again awesome pictures! I always look forward to them. Glad you had a good time and that you have some really great friends and strangers in your life!
The mayo on the head is too funny!
Take care,
Debbie
You used your daughter’s head as a napkin.
Hilarious!
(I probably would have done the same thing.)
Madeline is so lucky to be “growing up with a father like [you].” Glad the weekend was awesome, like your friends.
I LOVE the shoe collection. My daughters would be very jealous!
I dripped ranch dressing onto my newborn daughter’s head while she was laying on my chest in the hospital, when I had her. So now you know, it’s not only dads. Moms do it too! Happy Belated Birthday!
Glad you got a weekend away. Happy belated birthday. The mayo made me laugh. It could be worse… When I have my babies in the bjorn, I knock them into countertops and doorways. Yikes.
It’s good to know that our baby will have the same sense of style as Maddy. We were given the outfit with the monkeys on it at one our showers.
It seems like it’s been a pretty good few weeks — trip to NYC and Obama to look forward to as our next president. I hope good things keep happening to you!
And of course the picture of me from Social has me with my mouth full of food. Ah well, they were some damn good french fries.
It was great to meet you in person, Matt, and to get to play tug of war with a napkin with Miss Maddy. She’s even more beautiful in person, which I didn’t think was possible. Thank you so much for sharing her with us.
Happy belated man.
She’s getting more and more gorgeous.
I’m so jealous of your New York trip. New York is my FAVORITE city. Looks like you and Maddy really painted the town. What a wonderful memory for the two of you. If you ever get up to SF to visit Awesome Aunt Deb..(I think you mentioned she lived there), let me know, we’d love to meet you. My Aiden (almost 20 months) is quite a catch
Rosie
Sooooooooo how’s the wine?
Happy Belated Birthday!! Glad you had fun in NYC, I can’t believe you went to Tarrytown with Lauren! I live in Greenwich, CT which is extremely close to that. I don’t know what I would have done if I ran into the infamous Matt and Maddy. Next time you’ll have to head over to Sleepy Hollow, there are some good photography opportunities there.
Wow. What a great trip. Thanks for sharing it with us. It sounds like your birthday was a good day. And you have some amazing pictures to go with your memories.
Thansk for sharing your fun adventures in NYC! Hope you are having a great weekend! Bummer–we were in O’hare that same thursday as you–would have loved to meet you both…oh well.
Sounds like a great trip, happy belated birthday. You have a super trooper traveler on your hands, even with a cold, a true blessing.
the shoe photo is priceless…
the chicago….my hometown. overall, it sounds like an interesting and eventful trip. you are courageous to travel alone with maddy. I always dreaded long car trips with my kids…and my spouse! she is beautiful and I hope she is on the mend…even those colds with fever can blindside you.
blessings to you from the OH.
Am I the only one who waits anxiously for these weekly updates?
Seriously, Matt…don’t you have any friends in Ohio you can come and visit? We need an M&M fix here in the midwest!!!!
Hope the Divine Miss M is feeling better now. And I know the car thing had to suck, but it’s a step in the only direction you can take….
Those shoes are so funny!
wow, sounds like an awesome birthday week Matt!
Love the Napkin head! The visual is really there! She’ll pay you back in the future, you can count on it! Glad you had a great time!:)
Happy Birthday Matt! Love the message that Madeline sent to you.
Just so you know, a girl can never have too many shoes!
happy belated birthday!! i’m sorry i wasn’t able to join you and all the creeps while you were in NYC. it seems like it was a productive week. now oyu just have to start thinking about shopping for the holidays… you know… jersey has a ton of great outlets
hugs from NJ,
erica and Landon
I am so bummed I couldnt make it into the city that Friday.
Your post is so beautiful, made me laugh and cry and smile all in 10 minutes.
Have a great weekend!
Sounds like an awesome trip and great way to spend your birthday! If you ever fly through Detroit and have a layover, let me know and I can meet you down there to keep you company. Would love to meet you guys sometime.
Oh you’ve tempted us! We challenge you to a Mario Cart game (okay, more like my husband does…I will play but I challenge nobody lol)! We have a wii and while we have yet to actually play anyone we know, we would love to! I totally suck but my husband plays well. You have two competitors ready and willing! lol! If you’re up for a game let us know! (BTW…this is Lisa in Pittsburgh with my little Peter Pan/Dash.)
Happy belated birthday!!!!!
Asalamalaykom,
Going to try to only comment once on this post (blushing).
Really enjoyable read. Doesn’t mean that it was all enjoyable to live it, but the ups and downs are mellowing out a bit—at least it seems this way.
I had so many thoughts race into my brain when I was reading about that advice to rid yourself of THE STUFF. I have done this three times now. Tiring. AND! AND! AND! you never get it all. You’ll be digging into some bag or pocket and find a tidbit of memory that shocks you stone still. I think it even hurts worse because you thought your surroundings had been hermetically sealed.
The analogy that immediately came to mind was, “Sleeping Beauty.” Her mother and father throw out every spinning wheel in the kingdom. They then relax but she still manages to prick her finger and fall under the spell. If they hadn’t been hyper-vigilant, then it would have been better for her actually.
Just live. Live the way you want. Live the way you can. Push yourself to get better one way each day. AND YOU DO! Selling the car was HUUUUGE. Celebrating your bday HUUUUGE. Being a working parent with a sick kid (dealt with that twice so far myself) HUUUUGE. You are sooo admirable. NOT because you are the perfect dad (mayo…’nough said) but because you are very real and very much striving for better each day. Said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m proud to know you.
May God continue to be in your life giving you inumerable blessings.
i love mariokart
Happy belated birthday. Great post, great pictures… My heart sure does go out to you…
Matt:
I cried when you first got in Liz’s car and found her coke can. Today I cried when you said “Liz’s car was gone”. Happy belated birthday, glad you were able to have an awesome time in NY. Maddy is growing more beautiful each day.
Happy Belated Birthday, Matt. I’m glad it was an ok one for you. Not a great one, but no one was expecting that, I don’t think.
That birthday note from Madeline made me tear up. It was just too precious. You’re gonna have lots of moments like that that will just make your eyes well up. Happens to me all the time.
I love the mayo in the hair incident. That made me chuckle. Sounds like something that happened to me back when Zoe was riding around in the Snugli.
The last line there just hit like a ton of bricks. I don’t know why, but it did. It’s a baby step. And you’re getting there, day by day. Sure, not each day will be a great one. But you’re doing the best you can. And you’ve got a lot of people in your life that love/care about you and your little girl.
And I have to say that I just LOVE the pics you took while in NY. Simply amazing!
*hugs to you and Madeline* (I keep wanting to type ‘Maddy’ instead of Madeline. LOL)
Matt…Happy Belated Birthday!
Love all of Maddie’s shoes, a girl can NEVER have too many!
Glad you had a nice time in NY…you seem to have wonderful times no matter where you go, and Maddie will grow up having such a wonderful life with you.
Love the mayo story and loved it even more that someone said something to you! Too funny!
Looking forward to more pictures of Madeline soon…she’s so precious!
Glad you had such a good visit to NYC. I think it’s great that Madeline travels so well.
Hey! You gotta let us know when when you’re going to be in Chicago, although it sounds like you didn’t even make it out of O’Hare.
Happy Belated Birthday!
It sounds like you had a good time in the NYC! I bet it is awesome having tour guide who know where to go and what spots to hit. Liz’s car must have been tough. I keep saying this but I am sorry, it sucks. I think you are doing a great job, your little girl is thriving. You can see the sparkle in her eyes even in the pictures. I am sure she lights up a room when she is in it. Hugs.
Love Maddy’s shoe-socks! Also, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dropped food on my son while he’s nursing or in the sling. That’s gravity for you.
Keep on hanging in there.
Just an FYI — If you are flying someplace and you need diapers, ask the airline staff. They usually have extras on hand. We got stuck in Denver overnight once and they gave us about 10 diapers and they were Huggies Supreme!!
beautiful post and pictures. so glad you had a great escape for the birthday.
bansky, broken social scene, nyc food, friends and fall leaves… fucking awesome.
Wow – nice long update…
Santa will be bringing us the Wii for Christmas, Mariokart too if we play our cards right…
Too bad about Maddy’s cold, if she hates the kleenex, have fun trying to get her with that blue sucker thing…baby’s just love that thing!
Looks like the trip to NYC was nothing but fun!
And like all the other Chicago ladies said, we’d love to see you here too!!! Have a great weekend!!
I’m glad you had a great week and trip. Don’t worry about getting rid of all of Liz’s things. It’s been 8 years and I still have a lot of Scott’s stuff. For the longest time it was comforting to me. It is all in storage now but I still have it. It’s like I would be getting rid of him and he’ll always be with me. Yes I have remarried and things are great but still I can’t bring myself to get rid of these things.
I bet Angel Liz is glad that car is gone. She’s up in heaven riding in some overpriced euro car, the top down and the heavenly winds blowing in her hair. And halo, I guess. lol.
Do you ever get “signs” from her? I lost someone special to me and she loved yellow birds. All of a sudden, there was a damn yellow bird everywhere I looked. One even sat on a branch near me at our wedding on Lake Ta-Tonka.
You’d be surprised how much that Liz is still around. Heck, I did’nt even know her, and I think I miss her. Wouldn’t feel that way if it wasn’t for your words.
Happy Belated Birthday Matt!!
Feliz belated Cumpleanos
Glad to hear you had a great weekend. Poor Maddy with her cold, i hope she is feeling better soon.
Love the pictures aswell, Grand Central Station is just awesome.
Take care.
Matt – can’t believe i missed you two! I live on the train line that you took to Tarrytown! (Yeah the Bronx!)
By the way, it’s the Tarrytown (one word)
OMGosh! You just made me realize how HUGE my baby is…he’s just over 3 months and 16.5 pounds…ny goodness! He must be sneaking twinkies when I’m not looking. I’ll have to check my stash!
Hey! It was my birthday on the 25th too!!
Happy Belated Birthday!
Hey Matt,
The next time Madeline has a runny nose/cold, slather Vick’s VapoRub on her feet and then put socks on her. Her nose will stop running….it works every time!
I am from Minnesota and have been following your blog since I read about your tragedy in the StarTribune. I am an older lady, raised 5 kids, and got a scholarship to go to college in NYC. As i was reading your blog tonight , I was so surprised, my college apartment is directly across the street from the Greenwich Village Starbucks; it is an 1880′s apartment building with garygoyles on the roof. I could see the Village Pet Shop from my 3rd floor. And you and Maddy were there. I have never posted here as I don’t know what to say. Seeing your photos from Oct 25 (your b-day) and seeing that Starbucks and Village Petshop, it was too weird for me not to post.
(I had a baby born with Down syndrome, so I know about loss).
Take care.
You just reminded me I need to get our Wii fixed. It’s been forever since I”ve played it and I still need to get the mariokart for it! But I’ll remember never to challenge you at it!
Vicks baby rub, love that stuff, life savor it seems for both my kids! That and humidifiers. They both are awesome!
My two kids and I are all trying to get over a cold very similar to what Madeline had. Never fun. A two year old with a constant runny nose who runs away when she sees you approaching with a kleenex, and then a three month old who you def. can’t give much to wondering why it’s hard for him to breath.
Wow Miss Madeline has a ton of shoes! So does my daughter. She even has more than me. Some how I can convince her father she always needs more shoes rather than convince him I need them….:)
Selling Liz’s car, like everyone said is a baby step. Thats what you need to do, baby steps. Take one day at a time which you do. It will get better, eventually. Just in time, which fuckin sucks.
I remember when I was getting my daughters second party all ready, I made a slide show of her first two years. I bawled the entire night. I couldn’t believe she was going to be two. Seemed like yesterday she needed my help for everything and now she’s two, talking back to me, runing around and learning how to do everything on her own. (This is a good and bad thing….) Gosh look at me, boring you! lol But yes time does fly by when you have a child running around! They keep you busy!
I’ve never been to NYC city. Been to New York (Albany) but we never made it to the city. But we went there early October and the fall leaves are just so beautiful! I really enjoyed your photos. I always do.
That pet store looks so awesome! Looks like Madeline had a blast while there. And as always dressed her best and looking so cute! Happy Belated Birthday! I’m glad you could share it with such awesome friends.
I took notes so I could remember what I was replying to since my kids are still up and it took me like an hour to read it since I had to keep stopping to make sure my daughter wasn’t trying to hurt herself climbing everything! But you will get to enjoy that in time too! lol But I always enjoy reading your blog and seeing your awesome photos! *HUGS*
Long time reader…
So despite my best efforts, I’m in the demographic, but have decided not to care about being part of the pack in this case.
Anyway.
Godspeed and good luck and if you’re ever in Toronto, let me take you to a box in the SkyDome and we’ll see if the Jays can win a game.
You’re doing a wonderful job.
A car is a thing. A memory lasts for as long as you let it.
It was so great to meet you at Social! I was with the republican with the great sense of humor! I have been following your blog since the beginning…you amaze me how much of a wonderful father you have turned into. I don’t know Liz, but I believe she is proud of you.
Ummm
Phew is all I have to say about EVERYTHING!
Happy Belated B-Day!
Glad to hear you had a nice birthday weekend in NYC, you and Madeline look like you had a great time. As always your pictures make us feel like we are there, awesome!
endless.com is cool, and alot of the time they ship for free!
Love the shoe collection- my daughter’s looks the same! They just make too many cute shoes
I am a long time lurker and thought I would pop in to wish you a wonderful birthday and to tell you, you are an awesome Dad!
I also love your photography!
Man, that girl has some shoes!
Reads like a great weekend with some great folks, but none greater than you and madeline my friend.
What a week and happy belated birthday!
Selling the car is a huge huge step in healing but don’t let people tell you that you must get rid of this or that of Liz’s. You will know when its time, just like with the car. It doesn’t make it easy to see it go, but there is a time for it. Those who have not experienced such loss will tell you, its been x number of month, should you donate her clothes – NO! You go through stuff when YOU are ready.
Glad to hear Maddy’s cold was just that, a cold. And its one of many that she’ll get and get over.
Love love love the photo of Maddy asleep and you holding her pacifier.
I wish you continued good days in a sea of difficult ones.
Matt, I’ve been reading your blog for months now and thought I would wish you a happy birthday. Your stories are all so cute and funny, and I just love the pictures you post along with them! The story about the Mayo will keep me laughing for the week, thanks for sharing!
Maddy makes me proud!
p.s… if you ever want to sell those shoes- you email me and let me know
Maddie’s shoe collection is awesome!
does it mean that i’m officially obsessed with your blog if i had a dream that we got to meet you and maddy the other night!? lol
i pray for you and maddy everyday and think about you guys often. i sent out a special prayer requests for you in MOPS yesterday too! keep on keepin’ on! you’re doing an amazing job!!! your daughter is beautiful! my little girl is almost 4 months old and i can’t believe how fast that time has gone by… i can’t even imagine how fast the past 7 months have gone for you! i’m so thankful for your writing and amazing pictures-thank you for sharing your lives.
You sure do a lot of things in spite of having a baby and a job…just proves that people should not use their situation…or children as an excuse for hiding under a rock!
At least you used a napkin to wipe the mayo off Madeline’s head. Pretty sure my husband would have licked it off without thinking twice.
I forgot to say that I wish my kid fell asleep as easily as Madeline does! Mine fight it too much, afraid they will miss something! lol
Belated Happy Birthday Matt! You are an amazing Dad. My husband has been glancing at your site along with me and his comment was this, “Wow, good man.” I couldn’t agree more.
happy belated bday celebration, matt. sounds like a great trip. love the pix of the nyc and especially the fall farm.
I’ve been to that farm! My aunt and uncle took me there last summer and I had the best meal of my life at their restaurant. Your trip to NYC looks pretty awesome.
Awesome photos. You are a busy man!
I’ve been reading your blog for the last couple of months and it’s my 1st time posting! Anyways, I was thinking about your comment when you wrote you wish you could get paid to be a dad…there’s another blog that I read religiously (dooce.com)- it’s written by a woman who used to be a web designer (and lived in LA) and then she had a baby and started to keep a blog, and so many people started to read it that she started to sell advertising on it and now her husband quit his job and they both live off the money they make from the site…I was thinking that maybe trying to make your website as your career could be an option for you so you can stay home with Maddy. I know that me and all my friends always check your blog daily and are disappointed when there hasn’t been an update- you have quite a following, and I’m sure advertisers would eat that up. Anyways, just thought I would let you know that there are ways to make it work to make $ and stay home with your little girl. Happy belated birthday!
Hi guys!
Been a reader for a while… found your blog after a night of blog stalking~ and have been hooked! I love your photo’s and your words- there is definitly no beating around the bush! Just letting you know that more thoughts and prayers are heading your way from good ole Wisconsin!!
“You’d be surprised how much that Liz is still around. Heck, I did’nt even know her, and I think I miss her. Wouldn’t feel that way if it wasn’t for your words.” by Davezwife– That is definitly how I feel too!!
happy belated birthday (I’m the 21st
HOLA MATT
If it wasn’t THAT complicated to send you a bottle of wine.. I could do it more frequently!….
Hope you like them!
Have a wonderful weekend!!!
Besos y abrazos
Sol
p.s. Maybe SOME DAY we could enjoy argentinean wine HERE in my country altogether with ALL THE NEW friends THAT I HAVE FOUND BECAUSE OF YOU!….<3
Matt,
love all of the pics espcially the ones in NY (native NY’r here) take care and have a great wkend!
thanks for the update! thanks for sharing. i love reading all about you and Maddy. she’s adorable. she’s gaining weight and getting chunkier. you’re great! doing a great job! yay!
Happy belated birthday, birthday twin! October 25th was a good day to be born.
Love the pics and reading all about your NYC adventure. Congratulations on the progress, and for the record, I love what Yosra wrote.
Happy belated, you share a birthday with my son. Glad that you and Maddie had a great trip east, your pictures and stories are always awesome and touching. You’re doing great, Matt.
I learned the hard way that on any trip you must be prepared for twice as many diapers as you think you might need….took a 22 hour train trip and my Beka got the runs from the local water….oops! She blew out of all the diapers I had within 6 hours……the conductor called ahead finally at one stop and on came a small box of pampers. I’d already used up 4 dish towels from the dining car!
I can’t believe how big Maddy is getting! Holy smokes. And is she just the cutest bay you’ve ever seen? omg. She is completely awesome. Fantastic pictures of GCS and other places around the City. Hope you had a great time. You have an amazing daughter. I hope to drag my boys to meet you the next time you are in the NYC. Keep up the great work with Maddy. You are a great dad. Liz would be so proud of you.
as much as birthdays can get fuct in the ear- I am grateful you were born Matt.
I have no question that my life is better for having *met* you..
although I am starting to think I am the only one who hasn’t met you anymore…heh
I wanted to drop a virtual line- and say I am thinking about you both- and sending my love.
JEEBUS!!! K8 in the MO?! How many freakin’ K8s are there here?!?!
p.s. I like how SOL stalks better than ALL of us from a kasquillion miles away. Ella es muy ::awesomesauce::!
Happy Belated Birthday, Matt!
The trip sounds awesome. A dad like you…wow, every kid should be so lucky. Seriously.
Hey man your the father I hope I can be to my girls. I have enjoyed(understatement) all the times I got to meet you and your family. You are an inspiration, and in my tough times your my rock. We have some serious shit going down medically in our lives. Love you man and can’t wait till you get back to the MN soon.
J of jay and andrea in the MN
I have dropped so much food on my children I could seriously have a pot luck. Happy belated birthday.
Stuff is stuff. The only time table you need to worry about is your own. If it takes just a few months or several years it’s ok. Please don’t rush it. No one else should be concerned about it.
Happy belated birthday!!!!
Happy Belated Birthday, Matt!
I love seeing all the photos of Madeline! It’s amazing how much she has grown. 7 months, wow!
You continue to amaze me– such an awesome father you are.
Great pictures! I especially love Madeline’s shoe collection! A girl can never have enough.
Really fantastic photos of NYC, esp the bridge and Grand Central. And Maddy’s shoes.
Haven’t sent any comment-love in a while but still here, still adoring that baby of yours. As always, sending love and thanks for sharing your story and letting all of us watch Maddy grow up with you.
Happy Birthday Matt!
Life fuckin happens. We endure, we go on. We miss those who have left us! Sounds like NY was good. As always, love the pictures!
Sounds like a wonderful trip!! Happy belated birthday, I’m sure it was bittersweet. Great photos as always! How sad is it that I got tears in my eyes from the “Happy Birthday Daddy” photo. You ARE a professional Father!!!
Matt – Tuesday Nicole is my sister, and I just wanted to thank-you for taking the time to bring attention to her and her current condition. I’ve been silently following along with your blog since she directed me there a while back. My entire family appreciates how you brought light to the importance of Bone Marrow Testing…although it appears Nikki may not have a match yet, we haven’t given up hope….The days keep checking off, and the doctors keep bringing us to that sad little room…but as you know Nikki isn’t done fighting until she says she is…and so far she is still in the race. Thanks for being a special “Widow” friend to her, someone who understands the pain. I know that she appreciates you.
“i hear from a lot of people that i need to get her stuff out of the house…put it in the garage, give it away, whatever.”
Out of curiosity, how many of these people giving advice have been widowed? I don’t mean the question in a snarky way, but I am curious.
You don’t need to do a damn thing with her stuff until you want to, until you’re ready to. You’ll know when it changes, when it’s harder vs. comforting to have those things around you. And it’s different for every person. I got rid of some of Charley’s things very early on, and some of them I wish I hadn’t. And I held onto other things for a very long time, and some of them I wish I’d gotten rid of sooner to spare myself some of the torment faster. But you never know which feeling is going to win out, or when. So take it slowly and listen to no one but yourself with what to do with Liz’s stuff and the mementos of your life together. Eventually there may be a time where you want something of hers to pull out, to look at, to hold, but there’s little or nothing left. And it’s an equally weird and difficult thing to deal with.
I’m glad to hear you had a decent enough birthday. Aside from the holidays and Maddy’s 1st birthday, you’ve hit all the first “big days” in widowhood now, haven’t you? Wedding anniversary, Liz’s birthday, your birthday, and all the miscellaneous other kamikaze, sneaky things? Not that the unspecial days are any easier than the big days, though; they’re all equally hard, in different ways. I don’t think that “enjoy” is quite the right word for it, but do your best to enjoy the relative lull for the next few weeks, because Christmas can be quite the absolute shit time of year in the first year of grief.
Hang in there, Matt, and I hope work is continuing to feel more and more manageable. Maddy is as precious as ever.
~Candice
great pics, once agan! so happy to read that you got to NYC for your birthday..Happy belated, btw!
Take care Matt..You are doing a wonderful job
Well now what am I supposed to do for the rest of the day? I just read your recent posts and all your comments and it’s like coming to the end of a great novel and just wanting more, more, more!
Your weekend in NYC sounded like just what you needed. The pictures at the organic farm were so pretty as well as the Grand Central Station pics. Your story really comes to life when you combine it with your words and photos…amazing!
I’m sure getting rid of Liz’s car was a really hard thing to do. At least you know it went to someone else that needed it and is happy to have it. Hope that brings you some comfort in knowing that.
PS-don’t you think Maddie would enjoy seeing all the Christmas markets over here? They should be starting at the end of November.
)
Happy Belated Birthday! And ps, you are the professional father of the year. my friends just had a baby and I sent Daddy a link to your site as an example!
Happy belated birthday Matt! Just wanted to say that Madeline is such a beauty as usual. I am glad you were able to enjoy the time you spent in New York! Take care of yourself and by the way you are a fantastic father!
Happy Belated Birthday Matt! I’m glad the trip to NYC was fun, and you two had a grand time! Maybe next time you two can come by Washington DC. Maybe in the spring when the weather is nice.
By the way, my man saw me reading your blog over the weekend, and he asked me if I was reading a poem. So I had to remind him of the blog I had told him before, and that is your writing style. hehe
The food on Maddie thing reminds me of when I use to nurse LilB. He would always want to eat just as I was about to so I would nurse him and try to eat and ALWAYS get food on him. Lol. No matter what, though, I couldn’t stop myself because I was ALWAYS hungry when he was, even if I tried to feed him before hand.
So don’t worry, you’re not the only one!
Wonderful post. I am so glad you had a great time in the NYC! The pictures were amazing too. It was a pleasure meeting you and Maddy at Social. My friend and I chatted with Lauren for a while too and she is so so sweet. It’s awesome to see that you’ve made great friends here in the NYC and you were able to hang out and stay with one of Liz’s friends as well.
How funny that Sol also got you wine from Argentina! I think the bottle of wine I brought you was from Argentina too!? Sol, my company imports Terrazas de los Andes.
And if you ever find yourself stranded in any of the NYC airports (or need a ride to the city), we are 10 minutes from LGA and 15 from JFK…my daughters and I would be happy to keep you company and bring you extra diapers and formula if you needed. I know the feeling….That happened to us once on a layover in Miama to Bolivia, SA! We did not have enough diapers (I don’t know what I was thinking…plus I gave a desperate mom one of our last diapers in the airport bathroom) and my husband had to leave the airport to go buy more. Of course the store didn’t have the right size but we made do with what we got. Someone above posted that you could ask an airport employee? Who knew?
Christine D.
wow! You’ve been busy! Great pictures of NY – made me miss it! And I’m sorry about selling the car – I can’t imagine how difficult that would be.
Sounds like a decent trip. I wonder how many miles Madeline’s already traveled in her 7 months . . .
@Christine —> yep, you’ are right…
Terrazas de los Andes is another brand out of thousands AMAZING Argentinean wines!
Mine were NQN…a new brand that produce delicious wines!
So nice that Matt has the chance to TASTE both!
What a blessing to have such a wonderful group of friends… and to have liz’s car bought– without having to really make that decision… that was amazing!
As always– love the photos!
Happy belated Matt! I hope Maddie is feeling better:)
Hugs,
Laura
Just wanted to let you know I love reading your blog. Little Madeline is too beautiful for words. Thanks for sharing your days and nights!
You got an amazing baby there, I cried reading about her adorable well behaved self and your life together. Am a single mom and I don’t know how you find the time to post the amazing photos and write, but please keep it coming, so many of us are hooked.
Though I don’t believe in god, only one thing expresses the sentiment I feel, bless you and baby Madeline. Bless and keep you, from my heart and from my Baby J.
Having withdrawal here need another post Matt! In all seriousness though it seems like you are moving forward and have had a fantastic few weeks!! SO many awesome memories for Maddy too it’s amazing! You NEED to come for a tour of Beantown so your Boston Fans can meet our Fav lil girl and daddy!!!!
I just love how Madeline sleeps with her arms up…so relaxed and confident! She must feel so safe.
Hey Matt.. I’m so jealous of your Halloween – looks like it was fantastic. I just read about this on a blog I follow and I thought you might be interested in helping out, or just offering words of support.
http://www.mattsentourage.com/
Hope you are doing well in Cali – the flurries have started here in Wisconsin! Brr!!
I was just tuned into your blog last week and have spent the better part of my work days since then getting caught up. I finally got to the this entry and no next arrow at the bottom of the page. How sad! But I am happy to finally be up to date on your adventures these past 7 months. I look forward to the next entry.
Just started reading your blog-laughing and crying with each page. Thanks for being so open, I look forward to following your journeys with Maddy.
Happy belated birthday to you… we share a birthday! I turned a whole 21 years old, and 13 days earlier, my son turned a year old!
7 months already, actually, almost 8 months now. It really does go fast.
Hi i live in applevalley,mn and I found your website. Do u know where I can get help with christmas toy for my five kids this year have been really hard on me after i found out that my landlord havent paid the rent and my place went to forecloser I have been on track yet.
THANK YOU
happy belated birthday matt. ur blog… is just amazing. makes me believe in love over again. i cannot thank u enough matt. thank u.
Happy Sunday!
I am, as always, hooked while reading about your little girl, beautiful wife, and your adventures. Your daughter is exactly one month older than my youngest son, who was also born via c-section. Madeline looks so much like her mother. And of course, the picture of the shoes, is NOTHING compared to what will come with her! LOL! Hugs to you both!
m& m
i am still new to your blog but have been reading and reading. All i can say is that maddy is one of the most beautiful dynamic babies i have ever seen. (of course my girls are dynamic too:))
I didn’t know Liz just from what you have told us and pictures you have shared I sense that she is somehow inside of Maddy and with you guys all the time. Maddy seems like a bright light bulb like her mom, full of smiles character and keeping you smiling just like her mom did. What a great gift liz has given you. Cherish every minute with Maddy. Being a mother i know you have times where you want to throw in the towel because you are doing this as a single Dad, and quite well i add. Keep writing and reaching out to others. DON”T FORGET TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF TOO> IMPORTANT. Maddy is lucky to have such a doting father. I love your pictures and love how you take pictures of the gifts you get for her. I totally get the car thing. My sister died 15 years ago and I still think about her car to this day Wierd i know. She loved the damn thing and somehow cars we relate to peoples personalities as wierd as that sounds. Hang in there Matt. You are doing a great job. Flying with babies is not an easy task. Liz is smiling up in heaven and loving watching you and maddy and don’t forget to have some Matt time too. barb