woke up to
maddy talking to
herself in her crib.
wished her a
happy 9 months of existence
and smiled at her
for a while until she
reminded me that
what she really
wanted was not
a doting father,
but a bottle.
i fed her and then
handed her off
to the g. grandparents
so that i could
take a shower.
took a long one,
for the first time
in awhile,
knowing that there
was someone else
to watch her.
(the grandparents are way better than the exersaucer).
spent most of
the time trying
to figure out just
how the fuck i
was going to get
through the next
two days.
2008.
death, funerals, anniversary, birthdays, thanksgiving
and lots of shitty
days in between,
but these two days,
they may be the worst.
why?
i have no idea.
but i think it
bears repeating…
it just fucking sucks.
reflection time over.
maddy spent the late
morning playing with deb
while i did some writing.
the five of
us had lunch together
then i headed over
to see grandma broccoli
and grandpa rodney.
we got there to
find that great
grandma becky was
at the house.
she got to spend
a little time with maddy
before the rest
of the crowd arrived.
eventually they showed up.
we hung out for
awhile, playing some
mariokart with the nephews
while maddy napped.
5:00 rolled around and
it was back to
the home of the g. grandparents
and to a large
crowd of family members.
maddy hung out
with everyone
and eventually exhausted herself.
she napped and
i got a chance to
talk to some aunts,
uncles and cousins.
she woke up and
it was time for
an outfit change.
for the first time
ever, santa sat
on someones lap.
after the bottle and
some goodbyes
it was back to
grandma broccoli’s house
for a gift opening.
maddy sat in
front of the tree
then she tore through
some presents
and chewed on
a few others.
eventually she went
from this:
to this:
to this:
which meant
it was time for bed.
at least for her.
3:00am and i’m still
not ready to sleep.
i spent some time
with this,
but it couldn’t
take my mind off
of christmas 2007
and what 2008
and forever
would have,
could have,
should have
been.
fuck…
i’m trying
and i’m sorry,
but it just
doesn’t feel like
christmas without
her.
239 Comments
The end of this brought tears to my eyes. I can’t even imagine how hard today is and how hard tomorrow will be for you.
Maddie sure did look gorgeous as mini Santa. I can’t wait to show my oldest the pics and video. She just adores seeing Maddie and checks for updates by herself now.
*gentle hugs* I’ll be thinking of you 2!!!
Just up at 3 am… wondering how you were doing tonight. Random. Just wanted to tell you that I said a prayer for you and you are not without her this Christmas…. I am for sure she is smiling down on her baby girl in that Santa suit and her amazing daddy.
Dear Matt and Maddy,
Firstly, Merry Christmas from Bangalore.
Secondly, my thoughts and prayers go out to you both on this day, this week, and this year. I can’t imagine how difficult this time has been for you; but being surrounded by family should provide some comfort?
I’m sure Liz is watching over you both from heaven and even though she’s not here physically… she’s with you and Maddy every single day.
All the best Matt and Happy Holidays!
Aloha, jen in bangalore.
my thoughts are with you and madeline today and every day. merry christmas.
Sending you (((((((hugs))))))))) from The Bradford UK. I wish I could make it better for you
I’m sorry. Christmas doesn’t feel the same for me either. My family is in MN, and I am here in the heat in Australia.
Bloody Sucks Matt. I am sorry Liz isn’t there with you to celebrate Madeline’s first Christmas. Just keep looking at that gorgeous baby and she will help you to get through it. Christmas with kids is awesome! Have a fantastic day. Best wishes to you all! x
I am so sorry Matt, I wish your today was different and your tomorrow as well.
I am sending Christmas hugs from very far away.
I am so sorry, Matt. I can’t imagine how you are feeling right now. My heart breaks for you every time I read you blog or look at your photos on Flickr.
Take care of yourself and don’t let yourself worry about anything but yourself and your sweet little girl.
What wonderful things pictures are. What a wonder to see your wonderful girl on the same page as her beautiful mother. It sucks to realize that those pictures mark such a vast difference in time and space.
Thinking of you during this especially tough time.
Matt,
I won’t patronize you by saying I know this must be hard but I can honestly say that I imagine this 24/24 has got to be your hardest set since THE days. You have last Christmas to reflect on and then the anniversaries. Just know that by your writing and the pictures and videos you share, you are doing Liz so much justice in keeping her memory alive. You are also doing a fucking amazing job raising your little girl in light of the circumstances. Madeline has just hit the age when her personality is starting to shine through and we can see what an incredibly beautiful and happy baby she is. She may have been robbed of a mom, but she has a dad more amazing than I can even come up with a statistic for. For that she is one lucky little girl.
Merry Christmas, I know that’s a hard phrase to hear and you want to strangle every person who says it but look into the eyes of your beautiful amazing daughter and see that your Christmas, though plagued by loss, is indeed Merry and Blessed through Madeline.
Much love from the Camp Lejeune, NC.
Seashell
Merry Christmas Matt! You had the CUTEST darn baby girl I have ever seen!!! I hope you can find hope and joy in that little Santa’s smile that will get you through the coming days this year! Wishing you a happy day and a nap :0)
<3 Hannah inthe VERMONT
PS. Tell Maddy she does a GREAT job opening the gifts… I could use a lesson from her!
I’m so sorry Matt. I can’t imagine. My husband and I are high school sweethearts also and I just can’t imagine life without him.
You and Maddy are in my thoughts often. I know that nothing anyone says or does will change what has happened or make things okay. But, please just know that there are people thinking of you today and wishing that things were different for you. Liz is looking down on you so proud of you and Maddy. You and Liz will always live on through Maddy. A beautiful little girl from a beautiful relationship. Huge hugs to you and Maddy today…
no sorrys…it’s christmas and you are entitled to dwell and remember and grieve. allow your beautiful little angel to carry you through these days as best she can, but also allow yourself to imagine the what ifs: trying to bury or hide what you’re feeling will do you no good. the healing power of a decent xmas cry (or several) is not to be underestimated!
xx
a faithful reader but never-poster
hey.. Merry X-mas , for you and maddy ! i wish for you both the best this 2009 ! you’l see.. it’s going to be much better ! never wrote before but i’m reading you since april.. you are doing just great ! …. happy holidays !
Merry Christmas to Matt and Madeline. May the new year brings renewed hope and happiness in your lives.
From your silent reader halfway across the world.
been thinking about you the last 2 days and wishing to fuck you could just sleep through it, except for mads, who, no doubt, makes for the best salve.
My thoughts are with you and Maddy today.
Lisa
(((HUGS))) You got me crying again, you are so good at it.
I am sorry this will be so hard for you to get through. We are all thinking of you.
Merry Christmas Matt And Maddy !! We are praying that your new year will bring you lots of happiness. God Bless you both!!
Tracy
Hang in there, Matt… It’s gonna be a long fuckin’ day. ((hugs))
That Santa suit on her is SO freakin’ cute! Where do you people find these things?!?!
I was thinking about you guys this morning and knew that it was going to be a tough one. When you think you just can go another minute, look at the pure joy on Maddy’s face.
Merry Christmas to your whole family.
Merry Christmas to you and Maddy! My family will be thinking of you during the next few days…….and wishing you a little extra peace and happiness.
Merry Christmas, M&M.
I know it’s a hard one for you, Matt. It’s my first one without someone I love as well. Unfortunately for us both, it’s a first of many. It’s my personal belief that alcohol will help the process today. LOL…
Fuck losses. Guess all we can do is embrace the suck, right?
Love to you and Madeline from Ohio.
And it is certainly not Christmas without her. I am so sorry, Matt. Hoping that seeing her in Maddie will help just a little today.
Merry Fucking Christmas, Matt!!
Still reading…
damn i’m crying right along with you. the pics of maddy and liz sitting in the same chair, just too much. hope you get through today with a few smiles and some new memories.
I was thinking of you and just had to stop by and check. My prayers are with you Matt.
Nothing anyone can say will ease your pain, but you are in so many people’s thoughts and prayers. My best to you and your family as you try to make it through…
=( i just cried,
I hope your day gets better. I’m sure that it will, once you spend some time with Madeline. Merry Christmas.
I have no words today… only hugs.
Merry Christmas Matt and Maddy. I am sorry it is so fucking hard. My wishes for a wonderful 2009 for you and Maddy. Hugs.
You don’t have to apologize for the way you’re feeling!! It has got to be tough, but you are doing such a great job of creating beautiful memories for Madeline, and that makes you the awesome father that you are….Merry Christmas to you all, I hope the week goes well!
Merry Christmas to you and your family. Again, I am so, so sorry that you have to go through this.
I’m so very sorry, Matt.
My thoughts, love & hugs are with you today, Matt.
Merry 1st Christmas Maddy.
<3
crap, shit, crap…but looking at that santa suited baby is awesome. hugs to you!
matt & madeline,
my thoughts and prayers are with you today…maddy is absolutely precious in her santa suit. i’m sure she’s bringing you and your family needed smiles today. god bless…i’ll be thinking of you throughout the day.
merry christmas,
lauren from chicago
My thoughts are with you today.
it fucking sucks being the 3rd xmas….ken died 12/20/06 so it’s weird being 2 years but 3 xmas….
ps….http://lemmondrops.blogspot.com/ a blogger just passed and left behind 2 young sons(youngest close to maddy’s age) they are in MN
they say it gets easier…fuck iwant to know when
FYI..thought you might want to read and post your info for him
Matt, my thoughts and prayers are with you & Maddy today. Maddy is as cute as ever, and I hope you find some comfort in her today.
Matt, as I was opening presents with my family this morning, I was thinking of you. I am so sorry that Liz is not there. I am hurting for you today. With my loss, its like I am in an alternate universe because its just not right without him here. I won’t lie, it does not get easier, the way things are now just becomes a new (strange) normal and each day keeps going by. But then some days the hardest thing is that each day keeps coming and going and its like time should stop, this can’t be right!! Try to remember that you have a beautiful part of Liz still with you and I hope in some way that helps you get through today and the many days to come.
no words seem appropriate here… just sending all the positive energy i can to help you get through today
::hugs::
Sending you cyber hugs!
Take care,
Debbie
Merry Christmas Matt and Madeline! May this new year be full of happiness for both of you.
don’t really have anything to say. i know nothing i say will help & it makes me sad.
here’s to hoping that maddy can bring enough smiles to outweigh the tears.
merry 1st christmas miss maddy!
((hugs)) from milaca
Matt, sending you the strength you need for these few days!
I’m wishing you and Jackie both a lot of strength today as you celebrate Xmas without your loved ones. May Madeline’s smiling face bring you a few moments of peace and happiness on Christmas – how could it not!
From a snow covered Vancouver,
Ashley and Family
Thinking of you today more than ever. Wish you didn’t have to go through this, but am glad you have your friends and family to lean on. Hang in there!!
I can’t begin to understand how hard these two days are without Liz, but I wanted to wish you & Madeline a Merry Christmas in spite of that.
Ugh, this sucks. Nothing , no word, no i’m sorry’s, no but your so lucky’s make this any better. She is beautiful. Both of them are. I hope as the years continue it doesn’t always feel this way and there are more moments that you smile, than are sad.
ra
I am so sad for you and for Emilie’s family, too. Thank you for your blog and your pictures. Your baby is beautiful, just like Liz. Thank you for making me a better person by reminding me just how fleeting life is. Praying for you and the peace that only Christ can bring this Christmas.
Merry 1st Christmas Maddy! You both are in my thoughts during this holiday season.
I’m so sorry you’re sad. I hope you and your family can make some good memories this year.
Those pictures of Liz are simply stunning, I love how she seemed to always have a smile on her face.
I can’t even imagine the pain you’re going through 
You & Maddy are in my thoughts & prayers.
No platitudes from me, Matt. Just know that we’re all here, reading (“listening”). Keep writing if it helps.
BTW, I hope this doesn’t sound odd, but I’m proud of you about sleeping in the bed. Liz would be too.
I know yesterday and today are going to fucking suck like no other, but I wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you two.
Have a very Merry Christmas Matt & Madeline! Just remember that you have the best (and the most beautiful) angel looking over you.
You’re trying and you’re doing a fantastic job.
I’m sorry it hurts so bad.
Hugs!
no it’s not christmas without her and no you don’t need to apologize for anything. this fucking sucks. period.
Merry Christmas Matt and Madeline. Liz is with you today and always. Take care…
You just made me cry on xmas, Matt! Have a good one. Maddy is gorg.
Hugs to Maddy from Mr. JD.
XO
Chrissy
love you both.
Sending you peace and light today Matt (and Madeline too). I can not imagine your pain. Know that so many are sending you strength, peace, and love. With much love, Nena and Reese
For some reason Christmas always makes me sad. I am sadder this year because of your great loss. I AM happy that you have your loved ones surrounding you. The ones who also remember and love Liz and miss her as well. That will make it easier. Sometimes Fate sucks ass.
Giving you huge cyber hugs and wishing you the happiest Christmas possible.
Also XOXO to both you and Maddy. Boy do I want to hug that girl.
I know I can’t say anything to make the pain go away or even remotely feel like a normal…but I’m praying that you’re able to find some kind of comfort today with Maddy. God Bless you and Maddy and I am praying that 2009 will be a year of new things filled with some kind of happiness. You are not alone…just see how many people have commented on here. You are surrounded by stranger friends all over.
sending you and maddy lots of love and wishes for continued strength and an open heart. when it gets too much for you matt, just know that there are many people out here thinking of you everyday. you touch many lives with this blog, and by opening up to all of us. i’m hoping for inner peace myself this year, and i extend the wish to you as well.
Merry Christmas!
Christmas will never feel the same without Liz, but hug Maddy a little tighter and remember all the good memories you’ll be creating with her.
By the way, it looked like she was figuring out how to crawl in that video of her playing with the tissue. Love the Santa suit!
Hugs!
Erin, Paul, And Connor
Merry Christmas Matt and Maddy! xoxo
Maddy looks adorable as always in her little Santa suit.
Matt, please don’t have to be sorry. We understand. I hope you and Madeline enjoy your time together today. Merry Christmas Matt and Madeline.
Its not Christmas without her, for sure. Thinking of you everyday. I left a wish for you and Madeline on the wish tree in Pasadena in the fall. Merry Christmas.
When things get rough…..count your blessings!
M&M are survivors…and they will get through anything together!
Easier said than done…I know !
Cheers Anyways!
PS to my message earlier today. I hope you don’t mind that each time you post, I gank a picture of Madeline for my desktop. My husband has finally stopped asking who “that baby” is.
(I don’t and can’t have kids of my own so I extra special enjoy your pics and videos)
Today and Maddie’s first birthday may be your toughest days on this journey. Please remember to be gentle with yourself. It is right to grieve for her today especially; no need for apologies to her, or anyone else. Liz understands, and she loves you in grief, sorrow, regret and joy.
Merry Christmas. I don’t know what else to say, but you are doing a fantastic job in a terrible situation.
Merry Christmas. My heart breaks for you two.
I thought of youtwo last night. Merry Christmas to both of you~
I’m so sorry. Your life sure is a rollercoaster of emotions. Hang in there. Hug your baby girl. x
Today as we were opening presents with my adult daughters, my sisters and my mom, we started talking about how we miss having babies around from Christmas. I found myself telling everyone the story of Madeline and how precious she is. And, what a wonderful father she has.
Twenty five years ago, my girls father died. I know if it wasn’t for them I never would have survived. I held them during our first Christmas without him and cried my eyes out. Each year I remember him even though I eventually remarried (and divorced the sucker). We have a special ornament on our tree for their father. I packed away all the ornaments I had with their father. Just this year I gave my oldest daughter her ornaments and told her more about her father. I find that I still miss him but I know he’s waiting still.
You will get through this, it just takes time and getting through the first anniversaries. I’m proud to be one of the creeps who pray for you and think of you often.
Merry Christmas fellow creeps! And, Merry Christmas to M&M.
Hang in there Matt and enjoy the day w/ Maddy and loved ones. It’ll never be the same but at least you have Maddy’s unconditional forever! XO and i agree it fucking sucks!
I meant to say you have Maddy’s unconditional LOVE forever! and just know that the love you and Liz shared will be a part of you forever! XO
I totally get why christmas was not so great. But I hope that at least maddy made you smile.
Thinking of you, Madeline, Awesome Auntie Deb, Grandma Broccoli, Goodmans and Logelins, too.
Liz seems to have been one of those people who made it a point to truly experience life while she was here; the fact that you have all continued to live joyfully (in spite of such tremendous grief) is a testament to her spirit. Liz’s light truly does continue to shine.
Do whatever you have to do to get through the fucking Merriest time of the fucking year.
Thinking of you all, and sending love from our little corner of the world.
Oh, and P.S.:
Be still, my ovaries! Maddy + the santa suit = unadulterated awesomeness.
xxxxxx
Matt –
Good evening. Thinking about you and Madeline. Have a great holiday.
another dad joined that rotten club of yours. And he’s one of us ‘Sotans. So sad for you all. Thought maybe the Robot would have some words of wisdom for him.
http://lemmondrops.blogspot.com/
I could never truly imagine the pain you feel, especially during the holidays, knowing Liz is not here. But, like previous posters have said, I’m positive that she is looking down with a huge smile and beaming with pride over you and Maddy. I think of ya’ll daily, praying and wishing you lots of peace and happiness!
I just wanted to say Merry Christmas to you two. I am bawling reading this. But everyone has said it all well before me. It does fuckin suck and I know we all wish we could make it better for you….*HUGS*
I’m thinking of you and your beautiful baby girl. You are so stong.
Christmas wishes from Victoria, BC
“If there is no joyous way to give a festive gift, give love away.”
– Unknown
Not my words, but in my heart for you yesterday, today and always.
Take care
Been wondering how you guys were doing today… a bit shitty, I see. Everyone knows you’re trying and it’s hard, no need to apologize. You’re doing an amazing job with her. It’s kind of horrible to say, since it’s Christmas and all… but at least it’s almost over. The picture of Maddy sitting in the same spot as her Mommy, exactly like her Mommy made me cry like a baby. She’s just as gorgeous as her too! Hoping the day was filled with distractions for you…
Lacey
There are no words left to say – all of us are thinking of you. Like others, I was thinking of you, Liz, and Madeline today.
It just sucks. And I wish we could make it better or easier for you. Hang in there. We are all thinking of you!
Asalamu Alaykom,
I’ve heard it say in Arab circles, that babies who are talking, “to themselves,” are actually talking to an angel.
Takes one to know one, I guess.
Mr. Boo is talking in his sleep right now. He caught my fever from a week ago.
It isn’t what I wanted to have happen.
But, most of life IS NOT what we were planning.
MOST of it.
Oh, we make do; we suffer through and perservere. Sometimes we even decide it was better this way—not that you’ll ever decide that one for what’s happened to you.
I can’t really wish you a Merry Christmas. Not because of the Muslim deal, but because I don’t think you need, “Merry.”
I think you need a silent night; holy night. I think you need some prayer.
“Oh, Mighty God. Let us see in every baby the beauty of new life and the promise that we live on through everyone we ever loved.”
Sending Everyone Love,
Yosra
Thought of your family today as well. Here’s to many more Christmases with your beautiful baby girl.
It must really fucking suck. We’re all thinking of you tonight and I hope that you were able to find some joy today.
Merry First Christmas, Maddy.
Merry Christmas. I thought of you and Maddy today. Hope she brought some joy to an otherwise sad holiday for your whole family.
Thinking of you and your precious girl. Hugs from El Paso.
It’s hard. I know, my mom died and Christmas isn’t the same, especially the fact that she died 10 days after. Joy.
You don’t have to apologize Matt! Thinking of you for what is truly the most bittersweet day.
Hey Matt ~ Just wanted to say *hey* I got nothin’ else…oh how I wish I did.
Hope today wasn’t a complete loss – That Santa suit might be the cutest fuckin’ thing I’ve ever seen.
hugs to you both – xoxo – darc
Whoa, didn’t mean to sound so depressing. You’re an amazing father and Maddy’s so lucky to have you. Have a great and healthy 2009!
Matt, I am so proud of you doing all that you have done to give Maddy a Christmas. I know this is hard, I can’t imagine how hard, but you are doing so well. I think it will get easier on the holidays as you go, that’s all I can think to say. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you at least get something for xmas that you wanted. Besides Maddy. hehe.
Don’t ever be sorry for sharing your feelings. I can’t begin to imagine how much this sucks for you but we are all here thinking of you and Maddy and praying for you. I bet Maddy was having an awesome conversation with her mom when you heard her talking in her crib. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, as you have been. You’ll make it, Matt.
God bless both of you.
I’m so sorry. I know you must miss her terribly.
She looked so happy in the picture of her sitting on the couch.
Hugs.~Z
I can’t imagine what is going through your head on a daily basis but throw in a holiday and I just have even less of a clue. But I’m praying for you and hoping you can find something to ease the hurt. I don’t know you but sending a hug from Florida!
The picture of maddy’s eyes is stunning. Stunning.
This sorrow will get better. It won’t ever be gone. But it will, ever so slowly, get better. I know you hurt for maddy too, but she is so lucky. She has you.
Hi Matt and Maddy!! Hope you are staying warm!! Luckily it has warmed up this past week for you guys!!
NEVER apologize for your grief– this is a really shitty time and that’s ok- take your time!
Mad’s is A-DORABLE lil santa!!!!
Hugs!!
Have been thinking about you and Madeline all day. Hope that you made it through okay with the help of family and friends.
::Hugs:: to you all.
I think you are handling it the best you can.
You are doing an amazing job. Better then I think I could do if I lost my husband. You & Maddy are blessed to have so many people that care how you both are. Wishing you both a wonderful Christmas. Much love to you both
thinking of you today and always. merry christmas logelins. hugs.
I’m sorry Matt. You’re right. It sucks.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you find nothing but joy in the coming year. I think you’re due.
Madeline is the most beautiful Santa ever.
Matt-
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am thinking of you and Maddy today. Peace be with you. Maddy is adorable! Love the Santa outfit.
I am sorry, Matt.
I loved the photos of Santa Maddy. And the last ones of Liz. Bittersweet. Not more I can add but to nod with what you are saying.
If anything were to happen to me, I could only hope that my children would be taken care of by someone as loving and caring as you. I’m so sorry your baby girl will never know her mother, but she’ll know she has a wonderful father. I hope you had a great Christmas with Madeline. She is absolutely adorable.
Matt,
Damn it, I don’t have anything eloquent to say. Truth be told, I’ve been following your blog since before Maddy was born. I believe I found you from Emilie. Emilie. God, I can barely type her name right now.
Anyhow, I clicked on your blog a long time ago because my mom is Liz, and my daughter is Madeline. It was one, maybe two days before your Madeline was born. I remember checking back in to read about the blessed event and my jaw hit the ground. Last July my pregnancy buddy died of an amniotic embolism and thought that was so tragic and crazy–and then to have Liz pass away when Maddy was born–it was just unfathomable to me. I can’t even begin to imagine the horror it was to you.
What I’m de-lurking to say is that you are so.stinking.strong. You are so authentic. You are so *you*—and to be you is an absolute compliment. I have so much admiration for you and the life you’re providing for your beautiful daughter. Liz is so very proud, I just know it.
To see you post on Emilie’s blog today telling Steve you’ll be there for him–well, it just ripped my heart apart…but in a good way. That you’ve been through so much and yet still have something to give is just incredible.
I wish I knew exactly what to say, but just know that you’re an inspiration–from one Madeline parent to another. This time of year must be so unbearable at times and I just wish you every ounce of comfort I can virtually send.
Peace, blessings and smiles,
Michele
I am so sorry Matt.. I have no idea how you are feeling but I know it must suck big time
( So not fair you lost Liz when you two were so happy and ready to be parents together. It is just so not fair and you have every right to feel down and pissed about it.. I have lost two very special people in my life and it took a very long time to remember Thanksgiving and Easter in the same way as I lost them both during that time of year.
Madeline seems to have Liz’s enthusiasm for Christmas. So good of you to get out and celebrate for her.. I have faith you will keep at it and there are brighter days ahead. With a gorgeous daughter like you have not much else to do. So thankful you have your beautiful Madeline..
I was thinking about you and your family all day both yesterday and today. Prayers and blessings for a brighter 2009. ((HUGS))
Matt, there really are no appropriate words. Please know you and Maddy are held tightly in many hearts tonight.
i can only echo everyone’s sentiments that (1) it fucking sucks, but (2) the santa suit madeline is wearing ROCKS. you were both in my thoughts and prayers today. merry christmas m&m
You have no reason to apologize! The days will pass and you won’t know how you got through them, but you will, as much as you would like to freeze time and not even have to deal with them.
I find you comendable for charging head first into all these holidays and firsts. Some people after a loss like that do, it just prolongs the inevitable task of having to do it, hopefully you are finding some joy as well. Hang in there. Time won’t heal this situation, hell, nothing will heal it, but you will feel wholer again some day and Maddy will continue to thrive and grow and THAT is something to look forward too!
Merry Christmas
love love LOVE the picture of pg Liz on the couch from last year. that is sooo cute and again, i commend you for taking all of the pictures that you do. these are valuable memories and everyone should do it (and even I should get over my disdain for benig photographed!)
merry christmas – be proud of yourself for all that you have done this year and for all that you will continue to do!
Sometimes, mostly in times like this, people like me, who mostly can’t shut the hell up, can’t think of anything right to say. Cannot begin to imagine how much this time of year sucks for you. I hope it passes quickly, and you and your beautiful baby have a happy new year.
Well, you did it. You made it through, Matt. And I’m sure you managed to wring at least a smile or two (and some great photos) from the day. Be sure to give yourself the mountain of credit you deserve for that. You were entitled to nut-kick a Santa and hide under the covers — and most people would have. But you didn’t.
Assuming you have no strong ties to Boxing Day, today should be much easier to bear, so there’s that. But, oh yeah — there’s still that whole forever thing to get through. Shit.
But you will manage that, too. It’s just going to be hard. But not ALL the time, and not always THIS hard.
No getting around it, just through it. And one day at a time, you will.
xxoo m, p & b
All my very best for these days.
When thinking of what I wanted to say, nothing seemed right until I read Yosra’s comments. What a beautiful, perfect thing to say. Wishing you a silent, holy night. Wow. When saying Merry Christmas just didn’t feel good enough… saying a prayer that you’d have even just one moment of peace is what I’ll do.
Thinking of you all.
Oh Matt, I wish I could just give you a hug. I didn’t have a chance to check in here the past two days, but you and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. I don’t know what to say except I am sitting here crying at the injustice of your situation. Do not be sorry, you have done a wonderful job making this a great first Christmas for Maddy. I pray that 2009 will be a year of peace for you.
Nothing anyone can say or do is going to make you feel better! Just know we are all thinking of you! Hang in there!
That pic of Liz last year on the couch then Maddy this year in the same spot….wow gave me chills!
Delurking to say it is now the day after, and I hope you are ok. Sometimes, life really just needs to offer us a fast-forward button to get through times like this. You and your beautiful daughter will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Love and hugs.
Matt, I just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you over the last two days and said a prayer for you and Maddy.
Jenn in the NC
There’s nothing anyone can say to make this better. I’m sure you’ve heard it all. But it’s true–it just fucking sucks. There’s no rhyme or reason. It’s not fair. It will never be fair. I know you take solace in the fact that you were blessed with a beautiful daughter. But please know that it’s okay to be mad despite the blessings you do have. “I’m sorry” does not begin to explain the sorrow that I feel for you.
Hang in there. I have nothing to say except that you’re right, it sucks.
Just sending hugs from the NC.
For years, I have been sharing this poem with people on their first Christmas without a loved one. Hope you like it…..
Christmas In Heaven
I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven’s stars,
reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can’t compare
with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you,
the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description,
to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away,
We really aren’t apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I’m spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.
I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory
of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious
than pure gold.
It was always most important
in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other,
as my Father said to do.
For I can’t count the blessing or love
He has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and
wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year.
Matt: Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and that my heart is breaking for you. It’s hard for me to look at the pics of Liz, I just can’t imagine how hard it is for you. My prayers are with you always and again I am so glad that you have Maddie !!!!!!!! She is such a doll. Take care and and God Bless. Merry Christmas Dot
Matt-
This is the fourth Christmas without my husband. My six year old daughter and I still miss him. Just yesterday I was talking to her about how daddy loved Christmas lights, and she told me to please not talk about daddy just then because it made her sad. My heart broke for her.
I know this is the hardest time of year, but you are making the best of it for Maddy. That is really al you can do for her.
Also? You have nothing to apologize for. Grief is very personal and you will deal with it the best way you know how.
Warm wishes from the Puerto Rico.
Just wanted to say that I’m thinking of you and Maddy and wishing you both the best. I never knew Liz but she strikes me as the type of person who loved the holidays—it does suck that she isn’t here to celebrate another one with you. Totally, totally unfair.
I honestly didn’t know what to say last night when I read this. All I can say is I hope you got through the day okay, and that the love of your family, friends, and most importantly..Madeline, helped ease the pain a little.
hugs from NC….
HUGS! I hope you were enjoy a small part of Christmas. Please don’t apologize for your feelings. You have that right! Take Care!
Merry Christmas
Matt,
I’m so sorry for your pain.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Amanda
M&M,
Just wanted to say I was thinking about you… and that it’s strange since I certainly don’t know you. I’m just an OB nurse that’s been reading your blog for about 6 months… I find myself thinking about you two a lot actually. Your strength is impressive, your daughter is stunning, and the positivity you’ve drawn from the situation is staggering.
Personally, you’ve altered my patient care… I’m more attentive to DVT risks and prevention in all of my bedrest and post-delivery patients. Thank you for the reminder of how valuable this is….
I’ll go back to reading in silence, but wanted to say Merry Christmas to you both, and that there’s another internet person out there hoping you’re making it through okay…
Matt – I creep around here all the time and may have left a few comments here and there. I pray for you and Maddy often. I hope this Christmas brings new and wonderful memories with Maddy to make the pain a little more bearable. Speaking as a mom and wife, I know Liz would be so pleased and proud of both of you. {{hugs}}
Maddy looked adorable in her Santa outfit. My daughter (17 mo.) giggles with delight at Maddy’s pics, the are cyber-friends.
Enjoy the rest of your trip as much as you can.
Merry Christmas~
In my ongoing effort to offer up crazy comments from left-field at inappropriate moments, I give you this:
http://www.baconnaise.com/
You’re quite welcome,
k in the n
Matt, please, please, please, never ever apologize for how you’re feeling….we creeps don’t need that. Thinking of you as always.
Matt, I had a “Matt-day” today, as I started out at the Cuban restaurant and ended up at the Electric Fetus. I was kind of hoping to run into you and Maddie at one of the places so I could give you both big hugs. Please don’t be hard on yourself – there is no rule that says you have to make this the merriest of holidays. Madeline will be happy just being with you all. My best…Anna
I thought about you and Madeline yesterday…I knew you would be with your wonderful family and friends, but I teared up a bit knowing how hard the day would be. It sucks…it isn’t fair that your Liz wasn’t here to see Maddy in her Santa outfit on her first Christmas. I hope the day went ok, with lots of smiles and laughs from your beautiful baby girl.
No need for apologies. Merry Christmas to you and hopes for a good year in 2009.
It’s just wrong, just plain wrong (to say the very least) that Liz isn’t with you and Maddy. My heart just breaks for you both. That’s all. I know that it does somehow get easier. I remember how acute the pain was when my only brother was killed 14 years ago. Now, it’s more chronic- kind of like having had an amputation. There are some days that are unbearable. I know, I so know it’s not the same, but somehow I hope that helps. I hope for many bright spots for you this season- in the form of Maddy, the love of family and friends, and the kind, sometimes clumsy, but heartfelt words of the “strangers” here online.
On a lighter note, thanks for the picture! I just saw it!
You so rock. When’s the next big trip to the NYC?
My thoughts were drawn to you a lot this week. I know it must have been rough, and I hope you can feel the strength of all these “strangers” coming to you. Your daughter is SO cute in her Santa suit!
I cried. I can’t imagine how you feel. Just know she is with you. And Madeline.
I can’t even imagine how hard the last few days have been for you, and for your families, remembering last year and dealing with the painful injustice. Your precious little angel is so adorable and looks so much like her mother. There are no words that will make you feel better. All I can say is that tomorrow will come, and the next day, and the next and you WILL make it through for your daughter. Hope each one is a little less painful.
I’m always struck by how beautiful Liz was. Just like your Madeline.
Fuck. That’s pretty much it. Thinking of you in balmy MS.
Hallelujah for the day after Christmas, huh? Thinking of you and hoping yesterday brought you more peace than punches to the gut.
Hugs, hugs, and maybe a beer (or seven),
j.
Merry Christmas, Matt and Maddy. I’m sorry we couldn’t make it to Goodman’s this year, but it was good seeing you at Thanksgiving. Been thinking a lot about you lately and just wanted to let you know. Let me know if I can do anything for you.
Hoping things are feeling a little better now.
Wish I was there with all you fucks right now toasting the night away.
Having a party of one Cheers here for you all.
xoxo.
You are doing a good job! Stay strong for Maddie, she needs you. The first year is always the most difficult. You will go through many firsts without Liz there, and it’s natural to have slow times. Just find strength and believe. Merry Christmas M & M!
Matt…..I know, just another comment you probably won’t read, and saying the same thing hundreds of others have already said…..
I know it sucks. I know it hurts. And truthfully, at times like Christmas, it probably will always suck a little. But know that you are building lovely new memories with Madeline and that for her, Christmas will always be about her and her daddy.
As always, you are doing much better than you think you are.
our thoughts and prayers are with all the families. the pics of maddy are beautiful and liz is also. it will be a bittersweet christmas but know that liz is smiling at all you do and is with you in spirit. take care and enjoy all of your family. you have a lot of good people out here that care and check in to see how you’re doing.
Matt,
I’m so sorry. Hugs to you!
Jenn
Wishing you and your family a Happy Holiday season. Glad that you can be back here in Minnesota. Maddie is getting cuter with every picture.
i hope you enjoyed the days with family, even with liz missing.
i thought if your first christmas without liz and know it had to suck. i am glad maddie’s there to brighten up the dark.
here’s to 2009.
I’m so sorry and the truth is that it’s so darned unfair.
You’ll never know what that future would have been like, and I don’t think that gets all that much easier.
I could say that you learn to live with it, and that after a while you find the depth of guts and sheer exhausted resignation to pick yourself up off the floor.
I could say that having sole charge of a wonderful bouncing baby daughter will be far from the handicap you might imagine it to be in the rebuilding of life and relationships.
I could say that next Christmas will be a little easier. And the one after that.
Yet I’m not going to say any of those things. Not now. Sometimes you just have to acknowledge it. Life has dealt you a pretty shitty hand.
And, most importantly, that despite everything, you’re playing it pretty good, considering everything.
Hats off to you, Matt. Next week Christmas will be over, and a New Year will be here. That may help, just a very tiny little bit. For now, getting through it as best you can is huge progress on a scale that you may only truly realise much later on.
Spirits up, and all best wishes to you both, from London.
How about I give you a million dollars to stop polluting your baby’s brain with Hold Steady?
Well, I don’t have a million. But I have an amount slightly smaller than that. It’s yours, if you burn your Hold Steady CD and swear you’ll never subject your precious child to that weird nonsinging ever again.
::ducking::
Shit. I sure wish I was better with the hard to say comments. I wish I had words that could matter. I wish I had words that would make you smile and make life better, but I don’t. And that. Sucks.
Empathetic tears coming from the TX tonight. It has to get better. It has to. Dammit.
Maddy is so precious. She’s growing so fast. My wishes for peace for the both of you.
In one of your previous “writtings” you stated something to the effect that “Liz wasn’t here so you would live life for her”. To this complete stranger is certainly looks like you put all your hear and soul into “living this Christmas for Liz”. What a wonderful testament to the woman you lost and the beautiful life you created together.
Take care of yourself
I thought of you and Madeline this week and how you were doing in the MN. Being in So.MN I was being tortured by a dial up connection, so I only got here today. I can’t begin to understand your pain but I hope you found some comfort in your beautiful little girl and your friends. Much love being sent your way.
Oh, Matt… Hugs to you all.
Matt,
I’m so sorry and I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I know this doesn’t help you at all but we’re thinking of you in Cincinnati Ohio. God Bless you and Maddy and Liz. Happy New Year.
I’m sorry, Matt.
No apologies necessary! Wish we could help you heal your broken heart. You are a great dad and Liz would be proud of you and happy for your little Maddy!
Love from the MN!
Hugs and love from K and Baby EM.
Matt,
I would like to send you all my thoughts and hugs from Montreal, Canada.
Karina and all her family.xxxx
BIG, GIANT hugs!!
You are ALWAYS in my thoughts!
I’m sorry. So sorry. I know there’s nothing I/we can say to make it any better.
Matt there is no way that this Christmas was going to be an easy one for you. I’m sorry, but it may not seem right for a long time. You will build new and wonderful Christmas memories with Maddie, but the previous memories will always be there for you.
No apologies, and no regrets. You have done what you needed to do: made Maddies 1st Christmas beautiful for the both of you.
I always wish that I had the perfect words to comfort you. There really are no perfect words, just know that we are thinking of you. As always keep your head up, and love that little girl.
As always, lots and lots of hugs to you, Matt. I can’t even imagine how hard it must have been for you. You’re such a strong and amazing person. Our thoughts and prayers are always with you, Maddy and your family.
I’m so sorry, Matt! I’m sure we all wish we could take the pain away.
Madeline is SO cute in her little Santa outfit. Adorable!
Just to have made the effort will make so much difference in both of your lives. To honor her memory just shows what a kind human being you are. Many blessings sent to you both from Texas.
I read your blog often but don’t know that I have ever left a comment. I just wanted you to know that I have been and will continue to pray for you. The Lord gave you a special gift to be able to take care of your child the way you do…not all men could do what you are doing. Blessings to you and Maddy!
Hey did you notice that Maddie in her Santa suit is sitting in the same spot of the same couch that Liz sat in just one year prior…Liz’s wings are wrapped around you and Maddie through all of this, she will be with you always!
So much admiration!
Michelle j.
Matt, You are an AMAZING father to your beautiful little girl and I am sure that Liz is SO proud of EVERYTHING that you are doing with Maddy. It is just too cute, not alot of fathers would do 1/2 the things you do with your daughter. She will look back at this site and see everything you’ve done with and for her. Keep up the great work and I hope that your pain gets a little better with each passing day. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER!!!
Hey, Matt! The girls and I ran into awesome Grandma Candee in the unlikeliest of places earlier today — was our first time there and I suspect hers as well! B&P are tickled we now have matching photos of them with both Maddy’s grandmas after surprise run-ins…
What a treat it was to hear about Maddy’s exciting morning (and what a shock to find out you must be the only guy raised in this state who
doesn’tdidn’t skate). So what’s on the agenda for Maddy next week? Tap dance workshop? Polar Bear Plunge at White Bear Lake? Maybe a game of eight ball? I’m sure she’s game…and in excellent hands.Also glad to hear the trip’s going okay and wish you the most fun possible on your New Year’s adventure. I know you’re making at least one grandparent (and I’m pretty sure the other five) REALLY REALLY happy!
All the best to you and all your and Liz’s families. You’re doing an amazing job, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Matt,
I believe that Maddy gets more beautiful everyday! I take comfort in knowing that you and Maddy were surrounded by loved ones that truly care for you and her at this difficult time. I absolutely love the picture of her in front of the tree and all the robots are on the tree in the background. God bless you and Maddy.
HOLA Matt
This year I specially wish for you
a double dose of health n happiness
topped with loads of good fortune.
Have a great year ahead!
I would like to take this opportunity to wish all of your friends here a year of health and joy.
I wish for all the world that this is a year in which peace is made.
Happy New Year!
Sol from Argentina
Just linking this for you for future reference… babies in the men’s bathroom
http://www.dooce.com/2008/06/13/rite-passage
Beautiful photos & baby.
so heartbreaking. I hope and pray you’re making it through the rest of the holiday okay.
Matt, sending positive thoughts to you and Maddy in this season. Hope you’re enjoying the new snow today in the twin cities/around the state.
I hope the new year brings you much joy, and less pain. I also want to say–happy inauguration day on Jan. 20th.
Matt,
I can’t imagine how hard these last few days must have been. Harder than the unimaginably hard days before. It’s just so unfair.
You are so incredible. You are so strong and your daughter is so lucky to have such an amazing dad.
I hope you can have some peace this holiday and know that so many people are thinking about you and your family.
happy new years to you two!
Matt, thinking about you and Maddy and here’s hoping that the New Year brings you and Maddy much health, lots of love, much joy and so much less pain! XO You’ve done an amazing job with Maddy so far!
Oh I am (as always) sorry for your pain. I hope that 2009 brings you some peace… somehow.
You have almost made it through the year Matt. I truly wanted to acknowledge you for being able to do that…for doing that.
I don’t know ’bout you, but I feel in my heart that it truly has to get “better,” whatever that means.
Your daughter chose her father wisely.
((HUGS))
I wish all kids were lucky enough to have a daddy like you.
I wish I could take a little bit of your pain away.
I wish I was fortunate enough to have you as a friend.
I wish I was single…just kidding
I don’t know what to say, I am crying to hard to think. I lost my wife in Sept. of 07. My daughter was 18 months at the time and is now almost 3. I was so numb and withdrawn last year at holiday time that I don’t really remember much about it, just overwhelming guilt that she wasn’t here and I was. This year, at times I don’t want to go on. There are people who would take better care than I probably can of my daughter. Although I could never do anything to myself, I wish I was dead, so that if there is a God, I might get to be with her again. As shitty as it sounds, I almost find it harder because of my daughter, I never really get to just enjoy myself. When I go out all I see is happy couples and families. I want so badly to be genuinely happy again. I sit here on New years eve, with all of my friends expecting me, and I am writing this instead of going. I don’t want to be around happy couples, it hurts to much. I hope the best for you two, stay strong, I wish I could.
2008 fucking sucked, so here’s to 2009. Happy New Year Matt & Madeline
A blessed 2009 for you and Maddie. If you get a chance, read Roads post, he is so insightful. Be safe tonight.
@Nathan, many prayers sent your way, your pain is so evident. Hang in there for your daughter. She needs you.
May this year mark the beginning of a year of pleasure and discovery for you. May each day hold something special, that is wonderful and
new… For you deserve the best of everything, that life can ever bring.
Happy New Year
Sorry, Matt. I’m so sorry that you have to miss your wife at Christmas. I can’t imagine what it’s like and won’t pretend to by saying, “I understand.” I don’t. I can begin to imagine, but that’s about all.
I do have to say that Madeline looks striking in those photos. She is absolutely beautiful.
Please write again soon…I am lost without you…
Matt, I am sorry.
This year is going to bring you some surprises (good ones). All best to you and Madeline.
Nicole
I hope 2009 sucks far less ass than 2008 did. That’s about all the wisdom I can muster after a few glasses of champagne.
xoxo,
j.
Stumbled upon your blog and I know it was not by chance.
I cannot imagine the strength it takes…..
I will offer you and sweet Madeline up in my prayers…….prayers for comfort, peace and strength for the new year and many more to come.
You are an amazing person.
Peace
*~Michelle~*
Matt, I was thinking about you last night shortly before midnight. I sent prayers your way. ((((Hugs)))) I’m sorry and wish there was more I could do.
Keeping you in my thoughts. Can’t imagine what you’re going through. Sometimes there just aren’t words that suffice. But I have to add that my two-year-old son loves little Madeline.
Happy New Year, Matt and Madeline. I hope 2009 is a better year for you and your family. I miss your updates and hope everything is going well. Look forward to following your journey in 2009. Take care. My thoughts are with you.
Wishing you loads of PORK in this new year.
Where are you? Hoping today was a little easier and just checking in hoping you got through Christmas…
Happy New Year, M & M! 2009 will be a much better year for you. I hope that the holidays were wonderful for little Maddy. You did a great job of making them special for her.
Matt, I posted here a few months ago and have not written anything since then. I then, and still have a hard time thinking of anything adequate to say in such a difficult situation. I am writing now at Christmas (actually New Years Day) to…let you know that I admire your courage. I have been separated from my wife, ironically also named Liz, for over a year. This, as your wife dying (though I feel like an ass for comparing the two) was something conciousnessly we we never choose. Maybe there is a reason out there for all this. You should be happy in the fact that your wife loved you, and that your daughter is too young to remember her (sounds awful to say that). I said I admire your courage because unlike me, you seem to be handling this much better than I have. I, unfortunately have a self-destructive streak which has made things much more difficult than they should be. Be thankful you have a huge support system and such a beautiful daughter (another stupid sounding thing to say).
Sorry this is rambling (good reason I don’t write for a living), but …just to say, I hope you have a much better year, and know that others can empathize with your tremendous pain.
Just wanted to check in and see if you had a new post. I can’t even imagine what or how you are feeling. Seeing Liz in the same chair where Madeline sat this year made realize once again how much you miss her every minute of every day. There really are no words I can say except to tell you that you are an amazing father. Madeline truly is blessed to have you in her life.
I just came to see if you had updated. I just wanted to let you know I’ve been thinking about you and Maddy this past week. I hope things get better.
Here’s to 2009 for both you and Maddy and that each year gets better for you…
Much love for you both…
Rosey
Hope you are doing ok. I know the Holidays can be hard after a lost. I miss reading about ya. I love to see all your pictures so hope you can blog again soon. Go Bless you and your daughter.
unzens6-animals.blogspot.com
Hope you are doing ok. I know the Holidays can be hard after a lost. I miss reading about ya. I love to see all your pictures so hope you can blog again soon. God Bless you and your daughter.
unzens6-animals.blogspot.com
Happy New Year Matt & Maddy! Thinking about you both, and hoping that you are doing well. Looking forward to your next post and seeing more photos soon. At the rate Maddy is developing, she’ll be walking soon–wow. Best.
What is new in the world of Matt & Maddie?
Happy New Year you two. This year will be much better, you’ll see.
Lotsa love from Vegas!
@S in the Mpls: I hope you know you have all Matt’s creepy bitches worried about YOU now!!! (We can’t help it. We’re Helper Monkeys.) Check in again soon and let us know you’re doin’ okay!
@All: Don’t worry about Matt, he’s fine, he’s just busy kicking the shit out of 2008 so no year like that ever dare approacheth him again.
Thinking about you and the Divine Ms. M, and hoped there would be an update. Thinking about you.
Hey, either I screwed up or I didnt get posted for whatever reason.
Happy New Year M&M! Be safe in your travels.
Matt,
I know it’s not the same, but I lost my mom May 2006 and the Christmases since then have sucked. I’ve got a now 3-year-old and she has made it better. This year was the first that it didn’t suck quite as bad, but it does get better. Little by little, the hurt goes away and your heart starts to mend, but that doesnt mean you don’t miss them and wish they were there.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
Maddy looks just like her mum sitting on the couch in the same spot.
I hope 2009 is treating you guys well. Waiting patiently for an update…
Is AJ futzin’ with the layout again???
I *LOVE* it.
eessh, what happened to the color in your blog?
Are you and AJ playing with the design of the site again? The font you changed to seems more difficult to read, but maybe that’s just me…
Madeline looks beautiful. I was thinking of you during the holidays. It does suck that you have been dealt this hand. I hope that 2009 is a better year. Take care of yourself and enjoy this frozen land that is Minnesota. I am glad that you can be there with family.
Of course it doesn’t. Wish I could say something other than every “fuck” you uttered was merited and more. I am so sorry. Wishing you an ’09 that balances the ache.
oh lord… why do u do this?
this sentence “i’m sorry,
but it just
doesn’t feel like
christmas without
her.” made tears just flow out… i cant even think the extent to which this should be hurting u matt..
U got the sweetness in ur hands… a adoring, loving baby to look upto.. I’m sure she will make ur Christmas one of the best atleast…
Merry Christmas and have a marvelous year ahead
Luv,
Mythri
My oh My, I have just found your site through Lemmondrops, another sad, sad story. I am drawn to your story due to the loss of my young, beautiful sister, mother of 3 young girls, with a husband that is doing as you. Going on for those precious girls, your use of “colorful language” sounds like him to. Like he says as we too are getting through our first Christmas without Lu. There isn’t a damn thing we can do about it. He did an amazing job giving his girls a wonderful holiday. Luann Ashpole, my sis, suffered a brain aneurysm Dec. 22 as she was getting the xmas presents ready to go to Grandmas. She spent the next 12 days at St. Joe’s in St. Paul and we never thought she wouldn’t be coming home to us. Why such terrible things happen to such good people I will never know. I just had to say hello, your words remind me so much of her husband Steve. We are so lucky to have him as your family is to have you. You can tell your relationships with your spouses were what we all dream to have! Take Care
Matt, you and Liz have touched so many lives. Your a complete stranger and *I* spent Christmas thinking about your family. I cherish every moment so much more now because of this blog. Thank you for sharing something so … shitty.
Matt, my fist visit to your blog after reading your story in PEOPLE Magazine, surely you’re swamped w/comments now, but as I read your entries, you remind me so much of my husband, then lo & behold, I see Maddie’s picture munching on my husband’s fave “Hold Steady”
Rock on and God Bless you and your beautiful daughter.
I feel compelled to write and just tell you that you have a beautiful daughter and that you’re doing a REALLY great job of taking care of her. She’s going to look back and this and be glad that her dad dressed her so cute and took so many adorable pictures! Maddy is going to be a knock out when she gets older because she has such good-looking parents! It’s great that you’re holding Liz’s memory in your heart and sharing it with the rest of the world! It’s really brave of you!
Rock on Matt- Hang in there! You can do this! You’re an AWESOME Dad!
Oh, man. To see Maddy sitting alone in the very chair that Liz sat in a year ago is just so fucking sad.
You really are an amazing dad.
2 coincidences…we actually have that same chair and my twins have the same santa suit.