tuesday the 30th.
madeline awake, on her
hands and knees
in her crib,
just waiting for me
to wake up
and play with her.
we spent some time
together, just the
two of us,
before i had
to leave for the airport.
then it was
time to bring her
out to the living
room so the
g. grandparents could
watch her while
i showered.
looking forward to
getting away,
but a lot sad,
and wracked
with guilt that
i’ll be leaving her
behind for three nights.
especially now.
so many things
happening in her life…
the hand waves
are almost fully developed,
so goodbye will be
tough for me.
she’s as close to
crawling these days
as i am to crying everyday.
she has a tooth.
it’s not visible yet,
but i can feel it.
it will be out
by the time
i get back.
she has already
been on ice skates,
so three nights
away may find her,
a mouthful of teeth,
parachuting from an
airplane, waving
at the people on
the ground.
i’m afraid that
i’m gonna miss
all of this.
and then what?
neither parent was
around to see these
important milestones.
fuck.
other parents tell me
that the guilt
is natural and
ever present,
unless you’re with your
child 24 hours a day.
they’re right.
in the shower
i thought i
should cancel the trip.
but i know
i can’t.
and i shouldn’t.
i need the recharge
to be the best
father i can be.
besides, i think
her grandparents would
all like a little
alone time with the
kid, free of my
child-raising appraisals…
“you put the diaper on backwards!”
“15 licks to the face from the dog? that’s more than enough.”
“those bloomers don’t match her outfit!”
(i sometimes forget that they all raised happy, healthy, successful children).
anyway, i was clean
and ready to go.
grandpa tom l. arrived
to pick up
maddy and drive me
to the airport.
i hung out with
her for a few
more minutes
before she got bundled
up and placed
in her car seat.
we made it to
the airport and
i kissed maddy
goodbye, knowing that
i’d be returning to
a very different kid
when i get back
on friday.
sat down at the
airport and started
reading a book.
haven’t done this in
a long time.
feels weird to be
alone in the
airport, carrying only
my camera bag.
no diaper bag,
no child.
i don’t like it.
soon enough i was
on the plane and
1.5 hours later
on the ground
in the city i
used to call home.
the city of chicago.
lived here for a little
less than two years,
right after college,
while i was
in graduate school.
not sure why
i ended up here now.
i knew i needed
to be away from
our hometowns
over new year’s eve,
but i had kinda forgotten
that chicago was
another place that
held a lot
of memories.
this all hit me
as i rushed past
a family on the
way to catch
the train into the city.
“that man looks like he knows where he’s going!”
the mother said.
“i have no idea where the fuck i’m going.”
i imagined myself
saying, but i knew
she would
take it literally.
i know how to
take the train
into the city.
i know how to
get to my hotel.
but as a new
year approaches,
i have no idea
where the fuck
i’m going.
it was great to
be back on
the train again,
but the actual
memories started flooding back.
i remembered countless
trips to the airports
to pick
liz
up when she
flew into town.
she was working
for the consulting
firm at the time
and after working
out of town
all week,
she was able to
spend her weekends
anywhere she wanted.
most of those
weekends were spent
with me,
here in this city,
riding the train.
there are almost
no photos of
our time here.
i didn’t have a
camera back then
and didn’t give
a shit about
taking photos.
big mistake.
i tried to
shake the memories
as the train entered
the tunnel into
the city.
i was happy that
my hotel was
downtown and nowhere
near the two
apartments i had
on the north side
of town.
fewer kicks to
the nuts.
rode the elevator
up to the 17th floor,
dropped my shit
off in my room,
grabbed my camera
and headed
out for a walk.
all the streets
were familiar to me,
walked across michigan ave.
to rush, then
over to illinois st.
and under the tracks
to one of
my favorite places
in town.
i spent about
an hour tearing
through the records,
trying to find
the ones i needed
to help me forget.
(some people use lots of booze or drugs, i use music).
i bought way
too many
(sign of a true junkie).
i stepped outside,
called my dad
for a maddy update.
learned that she
was happy as hell.
not surprised.
just missing her a lot.
finished the call
then headed up wabash
and up to the river.
i remembered the time
liz
came into town
for st. patrick’s day.
we took the train
into the city.
freezing our asses
off, we
walked to the
river, watching that
little boat go
out to the
lake and back,
trailing green dye
behind it.
we laughed at
(not with)
all the drunken
frat assholes wandering
the streets in
tall green hats and
no shirts, ending up
at the parade.
***back to reality***
i wish she
were here again,
so i could say,
“do you remember how much that day sucked?”
she would have
laughed and said,
“it wasn’t that bad.”
(that woman was always an optimist).
i stopped
to look at a
couple of my
favorite buildings in
the entire city
then walked
across the bridge
over the river,
and walked back
to michigan ave.
i stopped in
a store to
buy some sweaters.
it was nice
tonight, but it
was supposed to
get a lot
colder tomorrow.
i walked back to
the hotel room,
grabbed my book
and spent the rest
of the evening
at the bar on
the top floor,
ordering items
from the menu
i would normally never eat,
drinking beer,
finishing one book
and starting another.
the bar closed,
i took at nap,
and got a call
from deb and lindsay.
they made it
to town and
were ready
to go out for a bit.
i met them
at the train station
and headed to
an irish pub with
a wood floor
that smelled of 80+ years
of beer and vomit.
lovely.
had a nice time
then found a place to
eat at 4:00am.
asleep by 6:00am.
up and out
of bed by 9:00.
31st.
last day of the year.
i wonder how
it’s gonna feel,
leaving this one behind?
probably not as good
as i hoped.
got cleaned up and
out of the
shower in time
to get a call
from lauren,
letting my know that
she arrived in town.
we met up and
took a long
walk around the city,
snapping some
photos along the way.
it was cold.
really cold.
and for the first
time in a
long time i had
to take off
liz’s
rings so i could
wear some gloves.
i put them
in my camera bag,
imagining what i
would do if
i forgot the
bag somewhere.
then i called my
mom to see how
madeline was doing.
“great!”
she said.
“her first tooth is through the surface and a second tooth is close to breaking through.”
“seriously?
i said.
we talked
a little longer
and hung up the phone.
i shook my
head in disappointment
as i
walked past the
building i used
to work in.
we eventually ended
up at the giant
silver thing in
millennium park.
from there we
stopped for a little
lunch and later
a trip to another
record store.
we kept walking,
and found ourselves
near the tallest building
in the chicago.
neither of us
had ever been to
the top, so
we stood in line
and got a
warning before
buying our tickets.
overheard a guy
stop a couple, who
couldn’t afford the
admission fee, from
leaving by offering
to pay for their tickets.
i’m always amazed
by the kindness of
total strangers.
we made it to
the top and
got an awesome
view of the city.
as i walked
around, i stopped
to check if
liz’s
rings were still
in the bag.
of course they were.
but i couldn’t
help being a little
obsessive about them.
(it wasn’t the first or last time i checked on them that day).
after the trip
to the big building,
we headed back to
our hotel rooms
and i took a
3-hour, uninterrupted nap
for the first time
in forever.
woke up in time
to meet lauren
in the lobby
and head
north on the train
to a neighborhood
that i used
to visit quite frequently.
we met up
with deb and lindsay
at a mexican restaurant
then headed to
our new year’s eve event…
playing at a little place
i spent a
few nights in.
liz
was here with
me a few times.
she sometimes hated
going with me
to concerts in
standing-room only,
small venues ’cause,
as she put it,
“i hate staring at some tall guy’s ass all night! plus people always spill their drinks on me!”
i never understood
this until she
made me duck down
a foot to
her eye level.
yes.
the whole thing
made perfect sense then.
but this place…
she loved this place
’cause they allow
people to stand
on the bench seats
running the length
of the room,
on the left and right
sides of the stage.
from that vantage
point, a woman,
4’11″ tall, could
see everything…
except some tall
guy’s ass.
and not once was
a drink poured down
her back.
weird.
i didn’t
remember this
until after the opener
had finished playing
and we walked
into the main room
to see the headliner play.
we had been in
the front room,
talking to lauren,
deb, lindsay and
lindsay’s friend, chris,
who decided to
join us at the
last minute.
the show was
really fucking good…
the band paused
at midnight
to let us know
that a new
year had begun.
great.
let’s hope it’s
better than
the last one
was all i
could think to
myself as we
all knocked our
drinks together.
the show ended,
we said goodnight to
chris and the rest
of us went to
a diner down the
street, a place
i used to visit
when i needed
a late-night meal.
we ate fast and
went back
to our respective places.
what a great day…
photo walk around
the city with
a good friend
and a show by one
of my fav. bands,
surrounded by friends
and family.
can’t beat that
kind of day.
i fell asleep
around 6:00am,
thinking just that.
first day of 2009.
i woke up at 9:00
and nothing felt different.
i had a headache,
but nothing had
fundamentally changed
in my life.
i got ready,
and met lauren
downstairs so we could
head out for brunch.
i stopped along
the way and bought
a few things
for me, and a
little gift for madeline.
then we were off
to brunch.
food was great,
so was the tea,
but the hung-over
frat guys were
annoying as they
hit on our
hung-over waitress.
after brunch it
was time for another
photo walk.
we went through
the underpass off
of michigan ave
and ended up in
a park staring at
the place where
i would end
up later that evening.
we crossed under
lakeshore drive and
stood on the beach,
freezing our
asses off.
the sand blew
over the snow,
creating a really
odd looking set
of footprints.
it got colder
and colder
and eventually it
was time to retreat
to some place
with heat.
went back to the
hotel long enough
to put on another
sweater, then headed
out to meet up
with alaina s. (aka ms. single mama)
at the bar mentioned
in the book
that i finished
on tuesday.
i called
liz’s
parents along the
way, to check in on
my baby.
once again, the reports
came back positively,
which made me smile.
alaina found me
waiting for her
outside the bar.
we had a drink,
a snack and
a great conversation
about what it’s
like raising a
child alone, and
of course, what it’s
like to write about it.
from there we went
to the top
of one of the
other tall buildings
downtown, and took
in the view
of the city at night.
later we met up
with lauren for
a drink,
before heading out to
meet up with
alaina’s friend, luke
and later, jess (aka sassafrass)
luke and i
had the honor
of riding in
the back seat of
jess’s car.
we ended up at
a little place up
the street where
we could discuss the
joys of single parenting.
luke was bored
to tears
(i think).
later, jess dropped us
near the train station,
and alaina and
i had a later dinner
at the same cafe
i stopped in
18 hours earlier.
we talked for
a bit about loss,
then headed back
toward our
respective hotels.
i was asleep by 1:00am.
and it was great.
another fun day.
escape is possible,
or so it seems.
friday.
two days into
2009 now.
the morning started
off well.
met up with alaina
in the restaurant
of my hotel
so she could
conduct a video
interview with me.
she thought it
would be good for
the strangers who read
the blog to hear
me talk about the blog.
lauren joined us
during the interview
and had to listen
to me ramble for
far too long.
after a few cups
of tea, we said
goodbye to alaina,
and headed out
for a short walk
before our flights.
we took
a few more photos
(you can find’s lauren’s version of the trip here).
then met up
with a widow
i’ve been talking
to for a few months.
i met her
children and talked
to her for awhile
about the shit
we’ve been dealing
with since
she lost her
husband
and i lost my
wife.
it’s always nice to
connect with someone
who fucking gets
it.
it was time for
her to buy
a doll for one
of her girls,
and it was time for
us to get some
lunch, so she gave
me a few gifts
for madeline, we
said goodbye and
lauren and i were on
our way.
we walked back up
michigan ave.
and found a place
for lunch.
we then headed back
to pick up
our luggage.
cab to the airport,
a short wait
and a goodbye later,
i was on the flight
and asleep before
we took off.
i woke up
in the mpls,
excited as hell
’cause the g. grandparents
were picking me,
and maddy was gonna
be with them.
i stood near baggage
claim, waiting to
see how madeline
would react to
seeing me.
i’m not positive what
this reaction meant,
but you can judge
for yourself.
i just know
that i was thrilled
to see her.
we waited for
my luggage
to arrive…
and after everyone
from my flight
had gone,
we were still
standing there…waiting.
grandpa tom g.
marveled at how
calm i was about
the whole thing.
and if thought about
it then, i would have
marveled at my
behavior as well.
a year ago
i would have
been pissed off,
worried that i
would never see my
stuff again.
but after the
2008 i had,
shit like
this just doesn’t
bother me anymore.
then i thought about
august 2005.
we were flying
through the nyc
on our way
to greece for
our honeymoon.
the airline lost
our luggage.
we both were a
little pissed, but
the next morning we
made the most
of it, going on
a nice shopping spree
with the money promised
to us by an
overly generous
airline employee.
it was the
best shopping trip
i ever had with
liz.
***back to reality***
from the airport
we drove back
to the house of the
g. grandparents,
stopping long enough
to drop my bags
and say hello to deb
and lindsay
(who just arrived from their long drive back from chicago).
i said goodbye
to everyone and
i drove down
to the mpls
to pick up
aj, sonja and emilia
for dinner at
a thai restaurant.
i can’t begin
to tell you
how much fun it
is to be with
these people…
after dinner
we went back to
their house.
sonja fed emilia
and maddy passed out,
giving aj and i
a bunch of time
to make some
changes to the blog.
they were a bit
over due.
i thought we could
use a new
look for a new year.
many hours
later, i moved maddy
from crib to
snowsuit to carseat,
drove back to
liz’s
parent’s house,
pulled her
ouf of the car,
put her into pajamas
then into her crib…
all without her
waking up.
(yes…she is amazing).
i fell asleep
around 5:00,
content to be
back with my
baby again.
third day of jan.
big day planned.
sent deb off
to the airport,
letting maddy
ride along so they
could say goodbye.
i spent the morning
with creepy rachel,
taking care of
some business for
the non-profit we’re
working on getting started
in honor of
liz.
lots of details
coming your way
soon enough…
we may even
need your help.
later, i picked maddy up
and headed back
to the mpls,
picking up my fav.
friend-family,
for our trip
to the mia
and a visit to
the exhibit on indian
we found nate
in the parking lot
as we made our
way inside.
then we found lindsay
as we paid for
our tickets.
we walked through
the museum
and headed straight
for the exhibit
we wanted to see.
had a lovely
time checking out
the artwork,
but soon enough
it was time
for a diaper change.
found the nearest restroom
and remembered that
they don’t have
changing tables in them.
(wish i would have known about that family room…where were you when i needed you, em?).
i did my best
with what i
had available…
everything went great.
later we caught up
with the rest
of the group,
and i caught maddy’s
eyes wandering in
a place they
shouldn’t have been.
attention diverted,
we found our way
to a more kid-friendly
area of the museum
(yay! horsies!).
the dads and
their girls posed
for a few photos
then we were
off toward the exit.
something caught my
eye, but something
else caught madeline’s
i handed maddy
over to sonja
and skated across
the street to
get the car.
we all drove
a little ways
and had dinner
at the indian/nepalese restaurant
on hennepin ave.
maddy and emilia slept
while we ordered
our food.
of course
my child woke up
as soon
as the appetizers
were dropped off.
dinner arrived
and i shared a
little rice with maddy.
then i demonstrated
to the table the
technique i developed
for having a peaceful
meal, one without
a grabby child
reaching for
everything near her.
in his position,
she can’t get
at the things
on the table,
but she can do this:
which may be
way worse than
knocking over my
glass of water.
then we played
her favorite game
and she said thanks
in her own special way
(that would be madeline, spitting in my face).
after a few
cups of tea,
we were out the
door and on our
way to our
next adventure.
we dropped off our
friends, knowing that
we’ll see them again soon,
then drove to the
st. paul to meet
up with our friend, kim.
we had a cup
of tea and talked
about the pain
of facing life
without the ones
we love.
not always the
happiest conversation
to have, but one
that’s necessary.
we said goodbye
and drove on the
icy roads back
to the mtka.
maddy was asleep when
we arrived,
and remained so
as i placed her in
her crib.
i spent the night
writing instead
of packing,
and finally went
to sleep around 4:30.
a few hours
later, i was up
ready to face the
4th day of 2009.
time to pack,
and get out the
door for our flight.
maddy spent the
last few moments with
liz’s
parents while
i got our stuff together.
grandma broccoli and
her broken wrist arrived
to take us to
the airport.
i thanked the g. grandparents
and headed off to
our flight.
found out when
we got there that
it was delayed for
1.5 hours, but
we made the best
of it by having
a little lunch
and making friends
with all the
people waiting for their flights.
we got on
the plane and after we
got high enough,
maddy kicked me out
of my seat.
i stood in the aisle,
watching her try
to eat the seatbelt
until she got so
tired she could
barely stay awake.
i put her on
my lap and we
both passed out
until we touched
down the los angeles.
our ride got us
home rather quickly
and we spent
the evening playing
with her new toys until
she fell asleep.
as i watched
her sleep, i
thought about
that quote i read
in that book
earlier today…
“you couldn’t just get on a plane and expect everything to be different.”
he was right.
nothing is different,
at least not
the stuff i’ve been
flying away from.
but what is different
is how i feel
when i’m around madeline.
the pain is lessened
when she’s here
with me.
3 nights without
her really drove
that point home for me.
then i thought
about c.m.
and after disagreeing
with him at
the beginning of
our trip,
i finally agreed that,
gee, it’s good
to be back home.
as i finished writing this
tonight, i came
across a photo of
liz.
(photo taken during a truly magical stay in delhi, india).
it was marked “private”
on my photo sharing site.
i didn’t think
that was fair
so i changed it.
136 Comments
Beautiful post, Matt. And a beautiful picture of Liz.
All the best to you and Maddy in 2009.
-jen in bangalore
I cannot get enough of her!!!!!!!! SO CUTE AS ALWAYS!
Glad you had a good trip. The pictures are wonderful and Maddy is just as beautiful as usual! I like the new site- my favorite part is the picture along the bottom. Maddy’s face is priceless! Best wishes for 2009 Matt!
Wow! That was a great catch up of news Matt.
It amazes me how little sleep you can have & keep on going.
I read things like “asleep by 6:00am. up and out”of bed by 9:00.” and think OMG I couldn’t drag my butt out of that bed again!
Maddy’s reaction to your reunion was so sweet. She was doing wee little waves and pulled a head-to-the-side shy face that only a little girl knows how to do well (and really work it). :p
I wish you both a happy and healthy 2009.
P.S. Thanks for sharing the photo of Liz, she’s just as beautiful as her daughter.
Oh, and you need to sleep more, you make me tired just reading about how little sleep you get!!
Keep on keepin’ on, Mr. Logelin.
I’ve been wondering about you guys! I cried like a woman(at least I have valid excuse for that) a few times while reading the last two updates. The more I read your blog, the more I see what a huge gift this will be for Maddy one day. Even though this life isn’t going the way you had originally planned for her… she is a ridiculously lucky little girl to have you for a Daddy. That’s for sure.
Great post, Matt. I’m glad you had a great trip. I’m thinking about what you were saying early in the post, about missing her milestones…I agree with your friends who say that every parent feels that way…I always pretend that my daughter doesn’t meet any milestones while she is at daycare, only when she is with me. I’m glad you took the trip for yourself – you deserved it so much.
Matt – although it may be painful to unexpectedly run head first into those memories, it is also priceless. There will be a day when both you and Madeline are glad you revisited those memories and wrote them down.
I also wanted to add that you take some absolutely incredible pictures. What kind of camera do you use?
beautiful post… thank you. happy new year!
As always Matt you are your best consel. I totally get the time apart to be the best dad you can be thing. And I bet Madeline loved her time ‘away’ too.
And I’m with you at the baggage reclaim, that stuff really don’t matter does it? However on occasion when you, or I, decided it does, do not mess, that would be a mistake.
You and I don’t have a lot in common, but your words are addictive.
Anyway, I think I’d visit your site daily just for a chance to see a new Madeline picture. Your child is seriously awesome (but you already know that).
now and then i try to go shopping by myself. or go out with friends without my son, and within an hour i’m missing him. but it’s important to get away, just like you said to be the best parent you can. the video of madeline seeing you after your trip is a keeper. make sure you can find it when she’s a teenager and sassing you. i’m sure 2009 will be a much better year for you, this is the year madeline will say her first words, take her first steps, and so many other things. it will be a fast year. it will be a happy year. you deserve it. it never gets easier, but Madeline will be a shining light for you, even more than she is now.
This post; where it ended, where it began, and in between it all … woven perfect with threads of joy and sorrow. Beautiful, the story of of all that life has given you and each of us
You are such an awesome daddy. I love the sparkle in your eye when you see Maddy. I love how you talk about her mommy with such deep love. I love how Maddy looks just like her mommy. I love your pictures and the places you take Maddy, what a diverse world of experiences you are bringing into her little life. I love how you are finding your own way of raising this sweet baby. You are doing a fantastic job raising Maddy. Liz would be so proud. So very proud.
First time commenting and all I have to say is amazing. . . . . . you are simply amazing matt! take care and wishing you the best in ’09
I am trying to figure out this Twitter thing…if I say something to you about what you say…how do you see it (basically how do you get to be MY follower)? Feel free to use my email to answer this (when/if you have time).
wow another powerful post. Happy New Year to both of you, I have a feeling 2009 is going to be your year.
Keep on Keeping on
PS way to go on the teeth Madeline!
wow – what a trip you had! Beautiful photos, beautiful Maddy, and a beautiful picture of Liz too – I’m glad for you that you found it again.
Long time reader, but first time commenter! I really enjoyed the new videos on your blog this week. I love the way you are documenting your life with Madeline, and it truly will be a treasure for her when she’s old enough to read it. You are inspiring me to be more diligent about documenting everyday life with my boys. I hope that 2009 brings you great joy!
Sounds like you had a great time with friends and family – I’m really jealous you got to spend New Years with the Sea and Cake! And thanks for introducing me to Cass!
For your next book, may I suggest something like a dad’s guide to dressing a hip baby? Cuz you are rocking the awesome outfits for Maddy daily. Plus I believe you are single-handedly changing the stigma that dad’s can’t dress their babies.
Aaaaaah! This entry aside, when I just scrolled to the bottom of your newly designed page, I saw the bottom pic thingy (technical name?) and it is GORGEOUS! Maddie looks like a beautiful bright-eyed lumberjack.
Great pics. And you are a GOOD DAD.
I don’t think it is random luckiness that maddy is such a happy child. You are an awesome dad, matt logelin.
Once again, thanks for the photos – of maddy and of my favorite city in the world – and of course of liz.
so sweet.
Thanks for the photo tour of Chicago…fantastic!
I truly hope you meant it/felt it when you wrote that you were finding more joy these days. I would think “joy” would be the equivalent of the holy grail.
Take care of yourself (still don’t know how you get by on such little sleep)
Maddy is sure growing up! I’m glad you got away for a few days on your own. You deserve it and I’m sure Maddy understands! She probably needed some space too
you are a great dad, you can’t ever forget that and Madeline won’t either. much love to both of you this year
I’m so glad you had a great trip – I am sure it was tough being away from Maddy for 3 days but was probably sort of good for you.
Seeing those pictures of Chicago make me want to take another trip there – such a fun city!
happy new year matt.
Madeline gets prettier and prettier with every pic you post. She really is beautiful Matt! Am enjoying the twitter updates and looking forward to GREAT things to come with the foundation –
Here’s to a New Year – xoxo – darcie
Glad to hear that joy is slowly creeping its way back into your life. I hope you realize that everyone wants to see you genuinely happy – including Liz. Thank you for sharing your trip with all of us, and for continuing to write so openly and candidly.
My very best wishes to you as this new year begins.
I’m glad you had a good time in Chicago, even though it must have been hard to be away from Maddy. I hope 2009 is full of good things for you both.
Loved the video interview. Very cool to be able to put an actual voice to the voice to the words. I read every time you post, but don’t comment often – happy 2009 to you and Madeline. You’re doing such an amazing job!
Matt – Fabulous pic of your beautiful wife and the pics of Maddie in the airplane seat AND at the museum are so cute. Glad you had a nice trip to Chi town and hoping for peace in 2009. Maddie gets cuter every day.
i get all the way to the end …
and see that you are eating at my favorite! restaurant! ever!
and you didn’t even invite me and the girly-girls … what’s up with that?
wanna be jealous? i know the people that own it … kind of. best people ever too.
Glad to hear from you guys. Here’s to a better year than last. The photo of Liz is beautiful…. thanks for sharing it. As always, Madeline is a beutiful little girl. Thanks for sharing her too. Take care of yourself and that baby!
Happy New Year to you and Maddy! She is an amazing little girl; she’s lucky to have such a devoted and loving father.
Good times in Chicago – had I known you were coming here, I would have suggested the greatest Thai restaurant for you to try in the city – maybe next time. Maddy is such a doll and it is womderful to hear your perspective about how she makes everything worth it. I hope 2009 continues to get better and better!
I think you need a new blog strictly for the Madeline Fashion Show. That girl has the best clothes ever.
Grief is like a lightening bolt. It’s up and down…all the time. But eventually the ups last longer and the downs are shorter. Time blesses you with new things to keep your mind occupied…like teeth coming in, a baby starting to walk, and all the things associated with watching your daughter grow.
Keep those posts coming, seeing Miss M through your eyes is a wonderful journey!
Sleep? How do you do without it? You are such an amazing person & father. Wonderful photos~
Long time reader, but rarely a poster. Loved the post, Matt. Madeline is so freaking adorable I can hardly stand it. It was nice to see pictures of Chicago (my home). You made Chicago in the cold dreary winter still look beautiful. I would have bought you a drink if I had known you were here. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. If for nothing else, it reminds us all to appreciate what we have while we have it.
Haven’t commented in a while…but love seeing all Maddy is doing! She is so cute! I have 11 month old twin boys and she has so many similar expressions as one of my boys (I think it’s the light hair). I think of you, Maddy and Liz often…wishing things could be different for you but proud of you for creating such a good life for Miss Maddy (and yourself).
Here’s to a good year!!!! Hugs and prayers!
Thanks for the photos of Chicago…they are beautiful and reminded me of a place I love.
I loved Madelines reaction to you at the airport…it was so cute. She is getting so big and will continue to bring you joy and excitement with each phase. Happy New Year to you and Madeline!
I’ve only just discovered your blog, but I wanted to tell you how beautiful your daughter is. You are correct that guilt is always there, no matter how long you are away from your child. It’s a necessary thing sometimes though. You need to have that time occasionally, all to yourself to sort things out. Your story is heartbreaking, and I admire your strength.
Could Maddie look any more like Liz? She is so beautiful. I hope 2009 treats you well.
TEETH? Awesome.
Oh how I’ve missed pics of Maddy in mens bathrooms! Love the pics from Chicago. I’m so glad you have an awesome support system, Matt, that’s soooo important. And don’t feel guilty about having some “me” time for yourself. You really need it! Its hard being a parent and work full time, let alone doing it on your own most of the time. You and Maddy continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope 2009 is a good year for you!!!!
Wonderful post!
You’re wise to get away every now and then. It’s good for you both. She needs to learn that people go away…and then come back. Usually.
There’s a great Disney movie (an underrated one), called “Meet the Robinsons.” The theme of the movie is “Keep moving forward.” You’re doing a great job of that.
xooxoxoox
p.s. Stick the camera in her mouth so we can see the toofs.
w00t!! ::doing a happy dance::
Yay! Horsies!!
Not only in the museum, but also on the streets of the Chicago!
Again, priceless pictures. So happy Maddy is one step closer to steak!
One last thing:
What the heck did the Robot do for NYE?
I LOVE the picture of her looking at you when you saw her for the first time after being gone! So happy that you got some time away… all parents need and deserve that.. and it does make you a happier parent!
Thank you for sharing!
Whatever help you need with the nonprofit thing…just say the word!
Have a good day, I hope the sun shines and brings a smile to your day!
p.s. <3 the video!! And, the guilt is healthy. It’s what keeps us velcro’d at the heart. I figure it’d feel awful if we didn’t feel that way. Recharging is necessary, and good for both of you!
what a wonderful post, maddy is getting so big and is so freaking cute! also, i love your pictures from chicago (and ps, i agree with liz…i know the bar you are talking about with the benches, very ideal for short people at concerts!)
Chicago is a beautiful city. Your pictures make me want to go there, which they often do with the places you visit.
Looking forward to hearing about and reading all your adventures in the new year.
GO PORK!
What beautiful pictures of Chicago. I haven’t been back in quite a few years and those make me want to go back very badly. I can’t believe that Maddy is getting teeth already, she sure is growing quick and everyday looks more and more like her beautiful mama. I hope that 2009 blesses you, Maddy and your family.
For the record, when you spend 24 hrs a day with your children, you feel guilty that you would like a break from them. So the parenting guilt is really pretty universal for every situation. It’s just there in different forms.
Glad to hear your trip went well! I know it’s tough for the new year. I lost my baby last New Years eve so this year was especially tough, but we got through it too. Here’s to 2009!
Love the pics!
I love that I got you in the backseat of my car! Even better, I love that I got to meet you in person, hear your voice, share some laughs and beers and words. You’ve got it, papa, and I am glad to call you a friend now.
Happy New Year to you and that beautiful baby of yours!! Thanks for posting the video interview, it was nice to hear you laugh.
Just wait until you can turn the guilt around to her when you don’t hear from her for 3 days when she is away at college, or she would rather be with her friends than you when shes 15! Ha, I have perfected it and my kids are your age! Here is to 2009 and all the other new firsts.
Sounds like you had a great trip. That quote was true, you can’t run away from anything, you have to face it head on. I loved the video of Madeline at the airport, I think she was TOTALLY happy to see you. Continuing to think about you two and pray for peace in your heart for 2009.
Her wee face is just bursting with character!
I love the g.grandparents squeal of excitment that Maddy is on videooooo.
You amaze me Matt! Thanks for sharing! It is nice to talk to someone who gets it. I have a different circumstance, but when you talk to someone who is going through the same exact thing, it really helps!
Take care,
Debbie
Have recently become addicted to your blog. It’s an amazing experience and quite humbling to watch the journey. Your sweet little babe is blessed to have you as the Daddy!
Best wishes for 2009.
And now I really have to go to Chicago to experience it. Great photos!
Hello Matt and Madeline, Happy New Year. I can’t say anything more again than your AWESOME! Madeline is as beautiful as Liz in so many ways… May 2009 hold great things for you and Madeline. Take Care.
What a wonderful post, Matt, which says so much about all that is so important about going away and coming home as a widowed lone parent.
It’s funny (well, you know what I mean) the directions that life takes us. I loved your account and pictures of Chicago, a city I discovered whilst running the marathon there in 2002. If I’m right, the race runs under the tracks near the start, more or less where your photo was taken.
That marathon journey had followed on from my first London Marathon, run to raise money for Macmillan Cancer Relief, to put something back for Jenny. I might (would) never have started running in the first place if I hadn’t needed a few half hours of space and time to myself amongst all that widower childraising. If I hadn’t been widowed myself.
Looping round that circle, I’m glad you had a great time in Chicago, and above all I’m delighted that you found kindred spirits to talk to. I felt so alone, so very often, when it happened to me. That’s why I began writing to share my story as you have shared yours.
All best wishes to you for 2009, from another bloke who entirely ‘gets it’. There’s hope out there, and I can tell you for sure. Spirits up.
1st. love the new layout and the new header/footers! Great look for the new year.
2nd. seeing your pictures of chicago makes me miss that city so much… i need to get back there.
3rd and final. liz was stunning. madeline is so lucky have you.
Great update Matt! I am glad you had a nice trip! I know all too well how it is to miss your little one while you are away. I loved the video you took at the airport. Maddy clearly recognizes her Daddy! Yay on her first tooth poking through too! That has been a long time coming! Lastly, thanks for sharing the picture of Liz. She looks beautiful as always.
Wonderful update. It was good seeing some pics of Chicago…it’s been too long since my last visit. No excuses either…it’s not too far from me.
What a big girl Maddy is with those new teeth!! And…what in the world do you feed that girl?? That girl has 26 rolls on her thighs!!
SO, SO CUTE!!!
You are doing amazing with her, Matt. You are giving her the world in so many ways. Don’t worry about that parent guilt. It’s here for all of us…I’m a stay at home mom and I STILL have it. We’ll always have it…comes with the territory. You should have NO regrets!! You deserve the time for yourself…we all need it to recharge. Makes us better parents.
Happy New Year to you both!
I LOVE the Sea and Cake, saw them last year in NY. SOunds like a great way to spend NYE. I hope things get better in the New Year, I think of you guys often. Also–Maddy is ridiculously cute!
Good read today and you gave me some good insights in your video interview.
Beautiful. I’d like to say “don’t you ever ever ever feel guilt” in leaving her with family or taking some time on your own…I still am not used to it, even knowing my girls are with their dad when it is his turn. You’ve an enormous responsibility and as you well enough know, there is so much you are doing for her by taking a little time for yourself. And besides, you’d miss out on that awesome reunion when you come back…(nice job on the changing table on the bathroom sink, by the way. I became a pro at changing my babies ON MY LAP)
p.s. and what I meant to say before I went off on a tangent, about the guilt thing…it’s natural and it will always be felt, “I’d like to say don’t feel it” but it’s normal.
I love reading your blog! Isn’t it amazing people love to read about a strangers life… Cheers to a great 2009!
I agree that time away from our kids makes us better parents – and I’m sure they secretly love the break from us! Glad you had a good start to 2009 and wishing you and Madeline great things in the year ahead.
Now when is your world tour bringing you to Vancouver?
I think it was hilarious to see how you ate with Madeline on your shoulders and her response by pulling your hair. I just posted some very similar pictures of my husband with our son, if you read about it, you will see how dangerous this can be!
I have a feeling 2009 will be a year of joy. Thank you so much for sharing this past year with us…here’s to many more! And Ican’t wait to hear more about the nonprofit. That’s awesome of you.
Wow. I started crying when I read how Madeline makes everything better. Seriously. I cried. I didn’t know Liz…and don’t know you….but just from seeing photos and reading your posts, I know Liz is incredibly proud of you. Little Madeline is incredibly luck to have you for her father.
On a lighter note, I must say you dress her so adorably! Making a generalization here, but most dads aren’t the best when it comes to picking out clothes…especially for little girls. Madeline always looks so hip and cute!
Alaina’s idea to do an interview with you about the blog, was a wonderful one! It actually made the ordeal more like reality for me as a reader. Not that this isn’t YOUR reality, but it made it some much more real to actually HEAR you talk about it, as opposed to reading it. I hope this made sense. You are a very strong man and I pray from you all the time. Maddy is one lucky little girl and I know Liz is proud of you!
I like the new site. Wishing the best for you & Madeline in this new year! (She gets more beautiful everyday.)
i want to go to chicago just from looking at your photos… having a layover in the airport doesn’t count..
madeline is more beautiful than ever.
oh, and when are you coming down to the OC?
Welcome home. Please let me know if you end up needing anything for the non profit. I’m local and willing to help when needed. Madeline is more beautiful with each passing day. ?
saw your twitter. congrats mr. president. you’re doing one hell of a job. anyone would be proud of you, but i think liz especially would. and maddy is definitely proud
!
I wish I had known you were going to Chicago — I saw a robot store near Belmont/Sheffield right before Christmas and meant to leave a comment about it, but forgot. Damn, you could have jumped on the train and taken some great photos. Next time…
And don’t feel bad, every parent needs a break. Whether you stay at home or work outside the home, you need some time away from kids or you will go insane. Just wait until she’s almost 3 and you are calling the grandparents and casually asking when the next time they would like a little visitor because you can’t take one more minute of this hellish toddler defiance. Not that I would know anything about that…
Since you never get tired of hearing it I’ll say it again: You are an amazing dad but also an amazing gentleman. I love coming here to see how Madeline is growing. You’re love for her and Liz is such a beautiful thing. I feel blessed that you are sharing this journey with me and the rest of the world.
I’ve recently found your website through an article in the Star Tribune and it’s really gotten to me. Maybe it’s because we’re the same age, or that I have a son 6 months older than Maddy, who knows but thank you so much for sharing her and your life with us. It’s touched me in ways I never thought possible. I hope that 2009 is a much better year for you and your daughter. She’s beautiful!!!
oh no! i hear maddie has the flu! that just sucks, my family has it too. i fucking gag every time my kids do. get better soon maddie!
your wife is stunning…
your daughter is gorgeous…
her father is fabulous…
these are the things i know. i just have one question though – HOW did you know that the floor smelled like 80+ years of beer and vomit?!?
please do tell.
Just when you make me cry.. I see Maddie pulling out your hair while you were showing off. When I saw the first picture I KNEW that was gonna happen.
You are doing a great job. What tops it off is the part where you did all that stuff while she was sleeping and she did not wake up. What makes you a great dad is that you put her in pj’s. Way to go. If my little ones are sleeping…what they are wearing is what they sleep in. My little one is not a little angel sleeper like yours. Keep doing what you are doing. YOU ARE AWESOME!
Happy New Year to you both, M&M. I am always blown away by your eloquence, Matt, and Maddy’s beauty.
You’re right about the time away. No parent can be the best they can for their child without some time to regroup and be just themselves. I’m glad you got your time in Chicago. Welcome home.
Cute as always
Maddy is amazing. All that movement and she didn’t wake up! Wow! She’s the best
Thanks for catching us up on your blog and letting us in your life. I truly love reading your blog and the pics of Maddy are adorable and she’s gorgeous. Love that pic of Liz!
The look on Madeline’s face when she see’s you in the airport is so priceless. She obviously loves her daddy so very much.
Great post. Great Dad. Great daughter. There was a recent episode of “Bones” where Booth asked if he was an awful Dad for not putting his son in private school. The response was “you’d be an awful Dad if you didn’t worry about it.” I’ve always thought that was a perfect response. The fact you worry is proof of what an awesome Dad you are. Keep on, one day at a time, and we’ll all be rooting for you.
Love this post…what an amazing trip to MN and Chicago. As always, I feel like a slug after reading about all you are up to. Very inspiring. Maddy is developing such a fun little personality. This age is so fun. I have 2 girls, and I love the 6 months until about 2 best when everything is new and they haven’t really learned how to push all the buttons yet. But, that part is pretty priceless too. It’s all good.
Maddy looks just like Liz…they are both beautiful! Thanks again for continuing to share your journey with us. Happy New Year!
The photo of Maddy pulling your hair made me giggle (sorry!)
Thanks for sharing your story and the photo of Liz that you found. She glowed with happiness and beauty.
Fico emocianda todas as vezes que venho aqui… Nas suas fotografias, nos olhos de sua crianca eu posso ver que o amor existe… Obrigada por compartilhar esse amor conosco. Que Deus te de forcas sempre e em todos os momentos!
**********
Through your pics, through your daughter’s eyes I can see the love… Thank you for share this love. God bless you!!!!!
It seems so quiet and lonely when K is at her Grandparents. The time away just makes you love them more IMO. I need the breaks though once in awhile. Maddie is so cute, it is crazy how fast they grow up. Just the other day I was holding K in my arms, now i can barely lift her into the freaking care seat. Not even 3 and she can put her own coat on, get her boots on, and even get most of her own food and drinks. It hurts to see them grow up, but only the hope that she is watching, and that I get to see her again do I keep going on. Take care!
When the world says, “Give up,”
Hope whispers, “Try it one more time.”
~Author Unknown
Hi Matt,
this quote seems to certainly fit you to a “t”. Madeline is just growing and changing by leaps and bounds. I never tire of seeing her pics or hearing about what you’re up to.
I can’t wait to know more about this concert in a cave in Nashville, seeing as I’m originally from Nashville and can’t think of any caves there. Sounds like a cool idea though.
Asalamu Alaykom,
I do think that perspective helps us to keep loving our children. I mean, COME ON! Here’s somebody pulling your hair (great pic!), interrupting your dinner, spitting in your face! If you lived with that non-stop you’d loose some sanity. Those breaks from our kids enable us to see them as smaller, needier, and lovelier.
Maybe the break from the rings was also needed. Little by little you will see how it is to be you without the outer Liz. She was too cute, dude! Mashallah! Her beauty and spirit remain. The rings don’t really have to be there on your finger in order for the connection to remain.
I love the pic of you and maddy at the bottom of the post…..i live in the north and it is so typical of the country. the guilt is always there….even when they’re grown and on their own. you need the tie to yourself and so does maddy (and the grandparents love taking her!!!!) it’s a grandparent rule……spoil them and give them back and let the parent deal with it!!!!!!! we did our time!!!!! seriously, follow your ut instincts and you’ll never go wrong…..you’re an excellent dad and human being. take it on day at a time and it will work out for you. i’m interested in the non profit org and if i can help in any way, let me know……i’m near buffalo, ny.
Ah Matt,
Liz is so beautiful. But you know that. This is a great post. Maddy is going to love this when she’s older. I’m glad you have so many friends in 2008 to help you and I hope you get more in 2009 so that you always know that you’re loved. And your blog is appreciated.
Always,
Angela
Sounds like you passed into the new year in the best way possible~with good sights, good food, and great friends. Love the video of Maddy greeting you at the airport. She was glad to see you; that much was clear!
Excellent tip on how to eat dinner with a baby! I have to try that, only gotta figure out what to do with the hair. It might be more appealing to have my plate grabbed than my hair.
You’re a great storyteller, Matt…each and every posting is wonderfully descriptive, whether it’s making me laugh, cry, or cheer you on. Thanks for sharing the lovely photo of Liz as well.
I LOVE the picture of your feet on the beach. With the footprints next to you, it reminded me that Liz is always with you. I know it can be hard to be away from your beautiful baby (although she is very quickly moving out of the baby stage!), but a little time for you is healthy for everyone. You are doing a great job!
Hi Matt, I have been a reader of your blog for about 8 months now. I just cannot get over how much Maddie looks like Liz, absolutely beautiful. I love reading your posts and they leave me with a sense of joy and saddness. You are an inspiration.
Hi Matt! Hope Miss M is feeling better today and you both were able to get some rest last night. I also wanted to ask you… Did you have additional pictures marked “private” that you unmarked? I only ask because when I started reading your blog I looked through what I thought was all 20,000+ pictures on your flickr account. Now there seems to be a lot more, especially of your travels. My husband and I leave for Lima and Cusco in June for a humanitarian aid mission trip to deliver shoes to orphans in the local orphanages. I looked recently to see what you guys wore when you were there (that probably sounds silly, doesn’t it) and thought there were more pics. Just curious.
Take care!
Matt,
Kinda like Liz and all those tall guy a$$’s! 
All the best to you both in 2009- look forward to the “next” chapter!
I am amazed with each post how much you can fit into a day/week/month- I get to travel to lots of places I’ve never been (and probably wont get to go) thru you and Maddie, thank you for your gift of writing! I was laughing outloud at the museum pic with Maddie looking at the wrong place- poor child- you kinda put her at eye level with that one!
I’m a long time reader and a MN girl (New Brighton). I finally had to comment because I am on pins & needles waiting for TOOTH SHOTS! It’s pretty unfair to tell us about the new teeth and not show them. I’m going to forgive because I know you had to be exhausted. I love your website and it has helped me get through the death this last summer of my 8-year-old daughter’s father. Thanks for being so open.
i wish you all the best in this new year. i am so glad that you got to bring it in in a meaningful way – with family and friends and good times.
hope things are shaping up well for you and that precious child as you return to home and work…
Delurking to thank you for sharing your incredibly touching story with us, as well as your photos. I loved seeing the photo of the twin “Jestsons” buildings (as my husband and I call them) in Chicago with the Christmas lights on them… We used to stay at the hotel across the street and stare at those buildings from our bed. I love the marina down below on the river with the boats decorated with Christmas lights. I haven’t been to Chicago around Christmas since we got engaged (actually right near that silver bean thing in Millenium Park overlooking the skating rink – so loved those pics too) and your pictures brought me back. I found your blog by accident this summer and have followed it ever since. Your, Maddy’s and Liz’s story particularly touched me in many different ways, but particularly as I have had a pulmonary embolism as well, and never forget how lucky I was that they caught it in time. I wish you both a wonderful 2009 and beyond!
Chicago is one of my favorite places and the pictures you took were so amazing. You’re very talented, Matt! Thanks, again, for being so willing to share your life with all these people out here.
The picture of Liz is beautiful as they all are.
I’ve only been over to the east coast once, and that was in NY. Its so cool over there!
I think Madeline was very happy to see you. Almost so excited she was shocked as if thinking “Omg is that really dad?” And two teeth! Hooray!!! I love when kids get their first two teeth. Always so cute! When she gets her other two ones (on top) she may grind them together. Totally normal!:) My daughter did that, drove me nuts!
I loved all the photos! And always love reading your blog! I hope 2009 is a good year for you two!
Wonderfu post Matt! Love the gorgeous pictures as usual and I ADORE how that little girl kept waving upon seeing her daddy after 3 days. So so precious!!!!
Your pictures are amazing… You truly should pursue photography for a living.
So glad you got to see that India exhibit after all! (Although disappointed that I didn’t get a shout-out for referring you to it…where’s the love?)
My son loves that big sun glass sculpture at the MIA too…he always remembers it when we go there.
Amazed at your coordination, being able to hold a baby on your shoulders while eating a meal. Your upper-body strength must be astounding…right? : )
Take care and hope this year is better than last. It can’t help but be.
I saw this post while I was on facebook tonight and I thought about you and what you have doing for other widowers. I have been following your story for a while and I think your doing an awesome job, Madeline is very lucky to have you.
During this holiday season, a Tucson father has three reasons to celebrate. Andrue Smith’s wife recently gave birth to triplet boys.
But tragically, his wife died after the babies were born.
Andrue is now struggling to cope with the loss of his wife and raising the babies on his own.
They’re daddy’s little boys. Legend, Tristian and Jaisyn were born six weeks premature, a week ago today.
“All I wanted was a son,” he told us.
You can see the love in Andrue’s eyes. Love, and sorrow, because his wife Debbie will never see her babies.
Andrue says, out of the blue, his wife got deathly ill. Doctors saved the boys, but couldn’t save her.
“My wife’s heart had stopped beating. Her body suffered and her brain suffered… It’s not the kind of thing people will recover from.”
So Andrue made the difficult decision to discontinue life support.
“It’s going to be hard, very hard. I can’t imagine a life without her.”
Numb, this 28 year old single father of three is trying.
“My wife, I know she’d expect me to be strong and she’d want me to take care of those kids.”
Andrew has a full-time construction job, but questions whether he earns enough to afford childcare. And if he quits his job, how will he pay his mortgage?
“Absolutely anything anybody can help out with or contribute, I’d be very happy to accept anything. I’ve got my babies, my three boys to worry about, and that’s what’s keeping me strong.”
Andrew calls them daddy’s little army.
If you’d like to help the Smith Family, you can drop off items such as diapers, clothes and car seats at Victory Assembly of God Church, at 2561 W. Ruthrauff Rd., Tucson AZ, 85705-1853.
A memorial fund has been set-up as well. If you’d like to donate to that, just go to any Wells Fargo Bank and donate to the Debra L. Smith Family Memorial Fund.
If you are wiring money from outside the Tucson area, please tell your local Wells Fargo banker to send your donation to account number 8453610233 through routing number 121000248
Contact Info
Office:
520-293-6386
Location:
2561 W. Ruthrauff Rd
Tucson, AZ
amazing post. my hometown is in the NW burbs of chicago. you captured some great shots in the city.
cheers to you and maddy in 2009. too bad the idea for maddy in the restaurant did not work out with all the hair pulling. soon she’ll be too big to even attempt.
Happy new year to you and Maddy. Hope to see you in San Clemente soon. Love to see you both.
Fabrice
Happy New Year and best to you ! She is growing so big ! She’s beautiful! Enjoy every moment it goes by so fast!
Matt-
Holy Moly! I had a feeling way back when that your secret news was going to be something totally big like PEOPLE! Wow! I can’t wait to pick up my copy as I board a plan to the valley of the sun this weekend. Yeah for you and Maddy! I’m sure Liz’s story will continue to inspire and touch even more people now! And all the swag too – what a fun way to spend a Saturday! 18 lbs. – awesome Maddy! Thanks for continuing to share your life and journey with all of us. Have a great time in Mexico!
People Magazine hit the stands here today and I quickly flipped through it while I was in the checkout. I can’t wait for my copy to come in the mail tomorrow!!
hello, I just read your article in people magazine then visited your site…you are truly an inspiration. Liz and maddie are absolutely beautiful. I have a 2 yr old son and another on the way so I know how hard raising a little one can get!! You seem to be doing a wonderful job….your little bundle of joy is a lucky little girl!
I just saw you in “People” and told my husband “hey there’s the guy that writes that blog I read!”
Best wishes to you and your cutie
Matt-
I just read the article about you and your blog in People magazine, since I skim through it every Friday. =]
I feel your pain of sudden loss of a loved one. Not even a month after Liz passed away I experienced my own loss. On April 13th my father died suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 52. I was only 17 when it happened and I feel the devastation from it every day, but I can never imagine the pain you’re experiencing raising a daughter who will never even have the chance to know her mother. In situations like this I wonder what’s worse, but then at the same time I realize that both situations, and any situation…is a heartbreak of its own.
I wish the best of luck to you. Madeline is a beautiful little girl and she’s extremely lucky to have a dedicated father like you. Your bravery and strength are admirable. Liz is watching over you and I know that she’s proud of you and her spirit helps you get through this.
Take care,
-Michelle
P.S.-You’re also an amazing photographer! I’m checking out your flickr site as soon as I finish this comment!
For me, exiting 2008 and entering 2009 was a lot more painful than I anticipated. It meant time was moving on. It meant my husband would never see a new year. It meant we were in separate years in a way. I hate it. I hate that I am in 2009 and he is back in 2008.
thats great that you had fun over the new year. i also think it is wonderful that you have music as an outlet. that music store looked awesome. I was just thinking if my husband ever got in there he would be there for hours. like you he is a music junkie. Maddy is adorable, such a happy girl. you are doing a wonderful job with her
Matt, on Friday I read the article about you in People magazine…I cried. I immediately got on your blog and went back to the beginning to read just so I wouldn’t miss out on anything about your precious Madeline. I have laughed and cried during these past few days of reading. I guess I just wanted to say that you are an AWESOME dad. I run a home daycare and know how precious the moments with your child are…you seem to be doing so well raising her. Thank you for sharing your story…Liz sounds like an amazing woman that any of us would’ve been blessed to know. I will continue to read and also be praying for you and your little girl.
I just found out about you guys today. Of course I read the people magazine article!
Can I just say that you and your little lady are soooo funny together. I’m a mom of 3 and reading your blog sounds a lot like me (sorry). But what really makes me smile is the fact that, in spite of your loss, you are such an amazing father. Her smiles indicate that. I don’t know you or your wife but I can say, as a very involved,sometimes over-protective, semi-neurotic mom….your wife is smiling on you guys everyday. You are doing such a great job. And keep blogging. I can’t wait to see what Maddy does next. Take care of yourself!
I loved the reaction video in the airport. I was amazed at her reaction because I couldn’t really remember what it was like picking up my son at the airport (he had stayed a week with grandma) until I saw it. That shocked look, that almost disbelief that you are actually back (they have no sense of how long you’ve really been gone)–well, it was exactly the same. That made me smile to remember that same look on my son’s face. You can be happy when you’re away from your child, but there’s a particular part of happy that just doesn’t exist until you’re with them again.
Love your blog.
Matt, I can’t even pretend to know the pain that you have experienced. You are amazing, and Maddy is a blessed little girl to have you! Time does heal all wounds and I am certain that writing has helped in the process. You are a wonderful example of love!
I’ve spent the better part of 36 hours reading your blog from start to finish, and I have yet to shed a tear. I’ve come close many times, but I was trying to be strong (?). Then I watched the video of your reunion with Maddy and I just lost it. The love that the two of you have for each other is so obvious and overwhelming. She’s so lucky to have a dad like you – and I truly hope that 2009 is a wonderful year for you both.
I love that picture of Maddy “spitting” on you! It looks like she is giving you a big, sloppy kiss! You gotta love those moments! ; )
ok i just read this update………not sure why but i totally started crying when i saw you and maddy looking at each other near the baggage claim. the love of a child and parent is something no one can explain to you. Its yours its precious and its what you make of it. You make the most of it and DON”T ever feel bad about having alone time. I travel for work and I tell you its good to rejuice every once in awhile. It DOES make you a better parent. I know you like music and jazz music but i saw this movie with my girls 6 and 3. not your type of music but it always makes me cry when i hear it because its about a dad taking care of his girl and helping her grow up…….catipiller to butterfly………..i think it beautiful even though its Hannah Montana which i think from what I know of you might be against your religion. So here is the link ENJOY>>>…………………
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGKDKF-jA10
Barb