tuesday.
13th day of jan.
somewhere along the
way, tuesdays have
become less about
death.
i think that’s
a good thing.
today was quiet,
just work then daycare
then packing for
the trip to mexico.
went to sleep by
3:00am, was up by
5:00 and out
the door by 5:30.
wednesday.
days into 2009
we got to the airport
and checked in.
10 round-trip
trips behind us,
i’ve come to develop
some expert travel
techniques to help
get us through
security without
disrupting the days
of those behind us…
(as it turns out, some travelers get a little pissy when they have to wait an extra 15 seconds for a guy with a baby to collect his belongings)
cell phone and change
tucked into the
diaper bag, laptop
out of the camera bag and
in my hand,
shoes off, shoelaces loosened
up and tucked into
the front of the
shoes to make it
easier to slide them
on at the other end…
all of this before
getting to the silver
rollers leading to the
x-ray machine.
and of course, this is
all done with maddy
in the front pack.
as we approach
the metal detector i
let the expressionless
human behind the x-ray
machine know that
i am carrying a
bottle of water and
that it is for the baby.
i walk through the
metal detector with
our boarding passes
in hand, get the
laptop back in the
camera bag, and the
shoes back on my feet,
all before the asshole
behind us wearing
the tie and the
scowl is even
through the metal detector.
i’ve managed to save
him that precious
15 seconds of waiting
and the accompanying
aggravation it would
have brought him.
and for some reason
that makes me smile.
we had a short
wait and soon enough
we were on our
way to the cancun airport.
5 or so hours later, maddy
woke up with
a smile as we
touched down in
the country that
would give maddy her
the second stamp
in her passport.
immigration cleared, we
waded through the
mass of salespeople,
got outside and found
no one waiting
there to greet us.
i missed
her
a lot at that moment.
we waited outside under
the cloudy skies
and the heat and humidity,
for the g-grandparents
to pick us up.
they had arrived just
ahead of us, after
making some last
minute changes to
their itinerary to defeat
the mechanical troubles
that would have kept
their original flight from
making their connection
to the cancun.
as we waited,
i tried not to think
about all the previous
trips i’d taken here with
liz
and her family.
it’s been a few
years since we
was last here,
but there were 6 or 7
trips that sort of
run together in my mind.
i remembered the times
i arrived here alone,
coming from the mn
or the chicago,
and seeing liz’s smiling face,
just outside of the
immigration area,
emerge from the sea of
folks trying to sell
me on some tourist trap,
time share opportunity
or a cab ride to
my destination.
and i remembered
the times
liz
and i traveled together
from the los angeles,
one time getting stuck
in our personal hell
for a night,
the city of cancun
we arrived
a day ahead of her
family and were
unable to rent a
car and drive
to our real destination,
because we were
only 24 years old.
and then i remember
the time we didn’t arrive
at all…
a few years back,
liz
misread the itinerary
and we showed up
24 hours late
for our flight
(another thing i was incapable of doing was keeping track of our travel itineraries so like just about everything else of real importance, the task always landed on liz’s shoulders).
i looked at the verticle
scar running down
my ring finger,
stopping just below
where my wedding
ring now sits.
thought about the
time before i actually
had the thing on
my finger…
we were swimming
in the ocean and
i cut my finger
on a piece
of coral.
liz
made fun of me,
telling me to,
“toughen up”
as i complained
about the saltwater
seeping into the cut.
it hurt like hell,
but i stayed in
the water to
try to prove to her
that i wasn’t
some sort of pussy.
she knew better though,
and i knew she did,
so after a few
minutes of pain, i
walked back to
the condo to
get a bandage.
the memories of
liz got bumped
from my mind
as her parents
pulled up and
greeted us with
hugs and smiles.
we got in the car
with them and talked
the whole way to our
lunch spot in the
playa del carmen.
at this point i knew
that the people mag
article was about
to hit the stands,
and i was pretty happy
that i wasn’t going
to be around
for the madness.
as we ate lunch,
madeline on my lap,
i fed her her
first ever bite of
chicken, and i cried
as she got excited
and started clapping
for the first time.
her mom used to clap
when she got excited
about shit, mostly about
some lunch or dinner
special on a menu,
or some song coming
on the radio that
she loved, one
that she knew
would of course
get my eyes rolling.
it’s these moment
when i think about
the little things
that i used to find
mildly annoying that
i miss her
most.
did i really roll
my eyes about
her expressions of happiness?
yes…i was an asshole
who had no clue
that she’d be dead
before her 30th birthday,
before our third wedding
anniversary, before she
ever go to hold
madeline.
i think i would have
been more tolerant
of these stupid things
if only i’d have known
just how much
time we wouldn’t
have together.
crying and lunch
now over, we drove
down some familiar
roads to get to a
store to pick up
some supplies.
soon enough we
were back on the
road and on our way
to our destination.
nothing looked the same.
i mean, the road itself
hadn’t changed,
but now there were
lights and buildings
and stores on the
west side of the
road, where there used
to be only the
places where the locals lived,
and the occasional
roadside restaurant.
i fell asleep
somewhere along the
way and woke up
as we pulled up
to the exit for
our destination.
it too had changed.
now there was a
walking bridge over
the highway to help
facilitate the safe
transfer of the locals
from the beach side
of the road back
to their homes.
and there was
the road construction
that greeted us as
we entered the town
of akumal.
the memories assaulted
me as we drove
past the lunch
counter where
we had many meals.
past the store with
ever-present,
crabby, overly-tanned lady.
through the archway
and past the
dive shop where
we used to
rent our snorkeling gear.
around the corner
where i drove alongside
liz
as she got
her daily run
in during a
light rain storm
(i, of course, being too lazy to actually run with her).
past the bar
with the swings.
past the condos
we’d stayed in
on previous trips.
damn. it seems like
we’ve stayed at
every single one
of these places.
near the end
of the road,
we stopped at an
unfamiliar place.
i guess we
haven’t stayed
at every condo
on the beach.
we got our keys,
dropped off our
stuff and we were
walking up the street
search of dinner.
we stopped at
the bar with
the swings.
holy shit did
liz
love this place.
i suggested we
sit upstairs to
avoid the karaoke
and the memories
down below.
madeline spent part
of the evening
in a highchair
for the first
time ever.
we had to use
grandpa tom g’s
belt to strap
her in ’cause the
damn thing didn’t
have any restraints.
she was so excited
as she got her
first taste of guacamole,
and wouldn’t
let us rest until
she had gotten
her fill.
we drove home
after dinner and
played on the floor
with madeline.
oh shit…
she has almost
figured out the whole
crawling thing.
we all laughed
for a while then
went outside
and hung out on
the beach.
after awhile we
headed back inside
and went to bed.
maddy passed out
almost immediately.
i stared at a book
for an hour, too
many thoughts
in my head,
i reread the same
pages over and
over in an attempt
to comprehend something.
(more to come from the mexico trip…in the mean time, maddy and i have been all over the place lately, which explains the lack of updates…los angeles to mexico and back, then off to the nyc and now back in los angeles. lots of updates forthcoming, but in the mean time, check out chrissy’s post over at storked! to get a preview of our saturday afternoon in the city. also, check out the news segment that was featured on one of our hometown television stations last friday).
182 Comments
She is going to crawl any day now, if she hasn’t already. Looking forward to hearing about the rest of the trip.
Glad to have you back, writing. Read Chrissy’s blog this AM, sounds like a lot of fun at brunch Sunday. Can’t wait to check that place out with my kids.
Matt, she’s ADORABLE! You’re doing an amazig job, keep it up
I love all the pictures you post, she’s such a little cutie.
First time ever posting – been catching up on the multiple old pages over the last week. Have seen little maddy grow from a newborn to a 10 month old fairly quickly. I am so impressed by how well you are doing…She is so lucky to have you in her life. Can’t wait to hear how Mexico went…
Just started reading you a few weeks ago and still trying to catch up on the past year. Then I’m thinking, what the freak, this guy never updates anymore?
Guess you were on vacation.
You are fascinating, baby is beautiful, life is short. Thanks for the reminders!
good to see you back! Glad Sounds like Mexico was good to you! Oh man, from the look of the video, Madeline will be crawling in no time. Thanks for the advice on traveling with baby. See, we look for your advice too! ;o)
I am so glad you are doing so well. What a happy little girl you have. Where did you get the silver teether rings that I have seen in previous posts? My daughter needs those bad. Love reading and following your story and I stay up with Chrissy C. thanks to you also. Get some rest. We are all so excited to see your post. P.S. I’ve followed your blog since about May! You have both grown and I love watching it.
I love that Maddy was hand-clappin’ happy!
Loved the crawling video, particularly the look on her face when you all clap. What a big girl!
I was in your high school class at Hopkins and was shocked when I read about you in People. First of all, let me say what a courageous man you are!! I remember you as such a nice guy and I am sorry about your loss. I just got out of a several-week coma and double lung transplant where I almost lost my life three times. The past few months have really changed me but I do know there is a place for us after this life. I know Liz is with you and Mady every day. Know you and your adorable little girl are in my thoughts. -Natalie Szabados (www.caringbridge.org/natalieszabados) PS. I am back in MN and its FREEZING!
Beautiful. I’m a little jealous. As you probably know it is still frigid in the mn.
Such an awesome dad.
I loved the article in People Magazine. You are doing a great job with Maddy. Liz would be so proud : )
I am exhausted just reading of the first day. Welcome home from all your travels, you and Maddy have been missed.
We all figured you were off on some adventure with Madeline! Congratulations on the crawling! She’s just beautiful.
can’t wait to hear about the rest of your trip. and about the eye rolling – you weren’t being an asshole, you were being you and i am betting that liz loved you for it!
Just watched the slide show and am in awe of Maddy’s amazing palate. Impressive… hope she like the guacamole?
Cool. I like Matt the bad-ass traveller, and I so get the feeling better about the impatient assholes, that you have actually assisted!
Mexico sounds fantastic, and it is brilliant that you are so aware, and in check with all that is going on now, and all from your past.
I had my first ‘proper holiday’ with Sam to Mexico, we were in Puerto Aventuras, and had such a great time. Thanks for jogging my memory.
Much love dude
WOW the first to comment..what a honor!! What can I say……tears and smiles……you are both awesome!!! I am glad 2009 has been a fun ride so far!
Oh, you are so in trouble NOW! A mobile baby is a great milestone! But, oh, man are they more work than ever! Enjoy.
I hate how the memories like to assault. But some days I feel empty if I just happen to be in an hour or so where they don’t find me.
You have such a strong being in you to triumph over personal struggles to face these places and memories. I can only imagine, in thoery, how cathartic it must be for your soul.
I always giggle when I see the g. grandparents. They are just so cute!! Does Candee ever stop smiling? Although we tend to see her with Maddy and you around, so why wouldn’t she??
Get some sleep. Glad that you are well and we missed you guys!
I loved the article!! A bunch of my friends have been asking me if that’s the dad/daughter duo I always talk about — so I ran out and bought it, and there you were! I’m jealous that Maddy has two stamps in her passport in her short life — I’ve only got one so far and I’m 24 years older than she is! Keep up the great work.
I really enjoy reading your blog. Madeline is beautiful and you a doing a great job. I am especially impressed with your airport skills- I am a flight attendant and know what a pain it is =)
It’s very sad that this little girl is more well traveled than I am. I’m sorry that you have to deal with all of the sadness but I can tell that Maddy definitely helps make it better. Love the video; she really wants those shoelaces! Great People article; good to read and Maddy is as beautiful as always.
Awe she’s doing sooo well!! Enjoy the trip & know we’re thinking of you.
And now the fun part of parenting begins: Maddy is mobile! Enjoy every moment — you’re a fantastic dad.
how can she not be hand-clapping happy with guac?!?! that stuff is awesome!! glad mexico was so awesome. i LOVE your pictures!!
Glad y’all are back home, looking forward to hearing more about Mexico and the other adventures. Yey! Maddie is crawling! What a big girl.
yea a new post!! how big she is getting, she is soooo close to crawling for real. what a fun trip so far
Maddy is a lucky girl getting to travel all around the US and to have 2 stamps in her passport.
Welcome back guys. Those memories have got to be tough but the new ones you’re making with Maddy are amazing. Can’t wait to see more updates…I love all the Mexico pictures over on Flickr.
Take care Logelins.
what memories to relive with maddy. I love how she claps like her mama when she’s excited!
Matt, thanks for the new update! Bittersweet..non the less you made new memories with Maddy in Mexico. Yay! she’s crawling! I enjoyed your spread on People. Keep doing what you’re doing! Enjoy every minute of every day with Maddy!
I do believe that qualifies as a crawl! Not all kids who live in CA can say they first crawled to Mexico.
Congrats on the chicken and guac too…so yummy!
Watching her on the video made me grin ear to ear! It is something so simple yet so amazing at the same time! She is getting so grown up!!!
Thank you for sharing your stories with us. Sometimes it’s tough to appreciate the cards dealt to us. Reading your blog reminds me to do so. I can’t believe Maddy’s almost crawling! This is my first time posting, but I’ve been following for awhile. The girls on the APA message boards got me hooked.
I have been reading since it all happened but this is my first time posting. Congrats on your beautiful daughter, and my sympathy for the loss of your wife. You are doing a wonderful job at raising your daughter she is a very lucky girl to have you.
Madeline..your crawling!
Loved watching her crawl .. what an amazing moment ..thank you for sharing it with us all Matt.
Looks like a great vacation!!! Did you see that your blog was nominated for a Bloggie?? Go to http://2009.bloggies.com/ – you are in the “Best Topical Blog” section. Congrats!
Looking forward to more amazing photos of Mexico. Congrats on the amazing write up in People mag..told some friends, “I know him! LOL. Maddy is almost a crawler!!
Matt,
Four plus years into this journey of grief, and I am just starting to comprehend something. I am realizing that each thought that comes into my head will pass, if I just let it run it’s course naturally.
And that is what I heard in your words. Your ability to do that. I dare not compare grief, cuz grief is grief and it all just sucks.
I have to remind myself that there are no right or wrong ways to handle things, only different ways.
Inspiring….kudos to you.
i love that you said pussy, and that you tried hard not to be one.
memories, new & old are what make us who we are. through the tears should be some smiles for the adoration liz undoubtably felt for you, asshole and all.
Asalamu Alaykom Mr. “Mexico” Matt,
As promised, I picked up the People Magazine AND didn’t buy it BUT I’ve got to tell you who looked at it with me:
I was at Target on a first meeting with a potential husband. Ya, I was not with the new normal guy–that’s a done deal. The potential husband and I were browsing and talking and I passed by the magazines. I jumped! Yes, I got a little excited to look
At the same time, I was a little apprehensive once I started looking because some Muslim men (especially Arabs) don’t like the idea of a woman knowing a non-famial man. I showed him the pictures (mashahallah) and told him the story.
Want the irony now? This man is a widower. He lost his wife six years ago and this is his first attempt at re-marriage…with me. Me! The one who has been learning about love and loss on this blog from you. Subhanallah!
He, by the way, was fine with my interactions with you, Mr. Matt, which scored big points in his favor.
Oh, and you know how you once stated that you felt like 80 years old? HE SAID the same number! What are the chances of that?
Alright, so welcome back to the good ol’ U.S. of A. and send a prayer for this possible marriage to work for me. Seriously…anyone who can send a prayer, please do.
Wow…she’s practically crawling. Sweet! I started reading your blog after reading the People Magazine article and I think you have an adorable little girl. It’s sad that her first birthday will be so close to the day that Liz died, but I know she must be happy that she was able to give you Madeline and that she’s healthy.
Take care!
Alexandra.
That video of Maddy crawling is so freakin’ cute. Loved the People story, by the way, esp all the pics. I love that pic of Liz and Maddy – so perfect. I love the expression on Liz’s face as she’s looking at Maddy.
I’m glad Tuesday’s are getting a little more bearable for you, Matt. And as usual, Madeline is beautiful!
Very sweet video of your little girl crawling. I hope you can find some peace on your trip.
Matt,
I am only a teenager but your story makes me realize how powerful perseverance is. When your life got hard, when you lost one of the most important things to you, you kept on. I admire you so much and look forward to each new blog with much anticipation.
Sophie
Age 14
That totally counts as crawling. All forward motion does no matter how much she looks like a fish who just got legs.
People article was great, had tears running down my face in the middle of Target! (as my friend told me, “but you already know the story…”) I think it may have been a sign when my 4 y/o saw the pictures and says “It’s baby Madeline!” Yeah, it’s that bad.
And WTG Maddy on the “low crawl.” That is the only form of crawling my daughter did, walking came so soon after that that there was no time to perfect the crawl. Be prepared, be very prepared!!
Hmm, and I guess I need to remember the name I comment with so that I don’t look like a “first timer” each time!
just awesome.
u inspire me every day not only to be a better mother… but a better person. thank u.
u rock.
(and ur a simply a fabolous dad)
Despite the bittersweet memories, it sounds like a wonderful trip. I love that Maddie claps when she gets really excited.
I can’t believe how big she is getting. We literally have seen her grow up right before our eyes. Beautiful….
I know you can always look back and second guess yourself, but Liz probably loved that you rolled your eyes at her excitement….it sounds like my husband and me! I can only imagine how hard it is to continue on these trips that you have gone on with Liz, but I know her family so appreciates it and so will maddie. What a good dad you are!
Look at your sweet little girl already to crawl all over the place! Thanks for taking us on a walk down memory lane. Always enjoy reading your posts.
Glad to have you back Matt!!! I would definitely say that you’ve got a crawler on your hands. Now comes the fun part…child proofing! LOL!! You took some beautiful shots in Mexico, can’t wait to see some more.
Matt- The crawling video is stinkin’ cute..I think we’re in the same boat! Our boys are going to take off any day. All bets are off then! Don’t you just love how they find the goofiest things so fascinating? All the toys and they think shoelaces are the best! Too funny!
I read every post over the span of a few days (and did not much else!) — you are doing a great job, hanging in there. I have to confess to being VERY jealous of having a kid that (1) sleeps and (2) eats, since my two boys think both is a form of torture. Congratulations on your beautiful, beautiful little girl!
Somewhere Liz is clapping furiously.
Shoot Matt – this one, this one got me…It’s been awhile since you elicited tears out of this big bawl baby but tonight….
here I sit. Can’t wait to hear about the rest of your trip! And see video of that little princess moving and shaking all ovr the place – life as you know it is about to get a whole lot crazier!
PS – I hope you don’t mind – but I thought I’d contact the ladies from the VIEW and see if they would have you on the show and give some press on the foundation? BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH
I discovered the blog from People Magazine…finally something other than the lastest about Lindsay/Paris/Whoever. Your story is compelling, moving, inspirational, and so hopeful. As my husband and I wait for our adoption to happen, you remind me that we can take nothing for granted. Thank you to you and Madeline. Liz is proud!!
Hi Matt,
I have been reading this blog for many months now, and have cried and laughed alot through it. I was so excited when I was flipping through People today and saw you and Maddie. I was like “oh my gosh, it’s Maddie!!”. Then I laughed at how I felt like I knew the both of you and was seeing friends in a magazine. Your story is so heartwarming and bittersweet. Maddie is so very lucky to have such an amazing Dad who will teach her so much about her mom. Thanks for inspiring me to suck it up and do the best I can do for my own daughter everyday.
I LOVED the video! Too funny! If she hasn’t figured out crawling yet, she will soon. It sounds like it was a great trip, and I know Liz is appreciating (somewhere) that you took Maddie to yet another place that meant so much to you.
Matt I hate to tell you this but YOUR BABY IS CRAWLING! Be afraid, be very afraid!
dude, that’s crawling! yay madeline!!!
Double lung transplants, new mates brewing, 14 years old with their head on straight… man, this comment section has as many stories as you do!
You’re doing the west side of the MN proud, please don’t ever feel you’re obligated to us. Mad’s got *that* honor.
So awesome to see an update…do you sleep at all?
You do more in a week’s time than 40 people, I swear!
Loved the People article…saving the mag along with my other special favorites.
I love that Maddy claps when she gets excited about things. I do the same thing! I don’t know whether or not it annoys Eric…I’ve never asked him!
I’m off to look at your new pics now…
I was so thrilled to see an update today! It sounds like your trip to Mexico was bittersweet. I’m so sorry Liz isn’t there with you and Maddy, but there are new memories that you’re making that will be just as wonderful. Can’t wait to hear more about the Mexico trip and the NYC trip!
Have a great week, Matt!
Matt…..one of your creepy followers here. I’m glad you and Maddy are back safe and sound. I missed reading you ~ I’m glad you had a great time in Mexico ~ and I can’t wait to hear more and to see more pictures.
Finally read the People article! Loved it. Can’t wait to hear more about your adventures! Love the photos and her chubby legs in her speedo! Happy belated 10 months Maddy!
Take care,
Debbie
I was about to say what Desha said – I feel like I have watched her grow up right before my eyes. She is so close in age to my own daughter it is amazing to see how the progress at different rates for different things (it also reminds me to ignore all the parenting books that say “your child should be doing this by such and such an age). Also, my husband rolls his eyes at me all the time – and vice versa – but we know we care and Liz knew you did too.
Definitely crawling. Both of you have grown so much in the past 10 months (Whoa Maddy is 10 months old!!)
Me again!! Just watched the video and she is doing the army crawl!!! Awesome!!! Go Maddy!
Akumal. Sweet. I wanna be there now.
Oh Matt. Hopefully this post encourages at least one person to appreciate the spouse or partner they have. Hopefully the trip gave you some much-deserved rest.
I know it’s hard but I really like hearing the stories about LIz’s life. She sounds like one amazing woman.
Fantastic to see pics of Maddy on the beach! How cute!
Just so you know, Who magazine, the Australian version of People, also carried your story, double page spread too! Yeahh!
Keep on keeping on, you are doing great!
Matt,
You make me want to be a better parent to my child. You are incredibly strong, so so inspiring, and such a loving father. Your daughter is lucky to have you, and vice versa.
Can’t wait to follow your journey…
I just started reading your blog, I have to wait till everyone is out for the night so no one sees me crying like a big baby! I went through a VERY near death experience this summer when I delivered our third child. Dr’s say it’s a miracle that I made it. Seeing what YOU went through really makes me treasure EVERY second with the ones I love. I am so sorry for your loss. She seems like she was just as beautiful on the inside as she was obviously on the outside, and Maddie looks so much like her.Reading all your blogs makes me feel like I know you (which I’m sure is weird for you), but my heart aches for you as if you were family. You are REALLY doing a fantastic job!!
Matt she is so beautiful! And on the verge of crawling!!! That is such an exciting time! I remember when my daughter first started to crawl! it was soo neat. But it also, or she also reminded me of what all was still with in her reach! HA! I had thought I had baby proofed but she pointed out the many spots I had missed!
I totally missed the People Magazine! So bummed about it, but I’m gonna see if I can find it anyway! Sounds like you guys have been sooo busy! Can’t wait to hear more about your trip!
Matt it sounds like you have had an amazing trip to Mexico, despite the tears and the memories, it sound like that has been what made it sweet. And Madeline is there to experience life as her mom knew it…you are great for allowing her to see the same places mommy once visited. It is a powerful thing!
I have to say though, you are killing me with all this new food all at once. You have to watch out for those allergies!!
I am so being a mom here. haha. I actually have some really good information about introducing new solid foods. Not sure if you are interested, but you have my email if you do! 
I attended a Solid Foods Workshop with a Pedicatric Nurse and it was very enlightening. Hope you continue to see Maddy clapping in excitement like her mom used to. You are an amazing papa!! So glad to get an update. Hope you can relax sometime soon!
So much from this post really touched me. Your life and way of thinking has changed so much, evident by you smiling about the situation re:airport security. Amazing that you are able to exude such patience and thoughtfulness about someone else- a stranger no less. I’ve been reading a book lately called “Buddhism for Mothers” trying to learn how to be more patient and understanding, calm, centered, etc. and it seems as if you’ve mastered all of that since Liz’s untimely death.
Also, the flashbacks you describe are amazing. I feel like I’m there with you witnessing all of it. It makes me miss Liz and I never even met her. I hope one day all these memories of her are sweet for you and not bitter.
And yay for Madeline crawling!!! That was so cute to see. I bet by now she has perfected her technique and is all over the place. Better watch out for your countless CDs!
)
Thanks for the update. Can’t wait to read more!
“tuesdays have become less about death”
Wow……you can’t imagine the happiness I felt when I saw that sentence (I was sitting in front of my computer and let out a girly squeal, along with a little hand clap). Madeline is taking precious baby steps on her journey of growing up, and you’re right there with her, taking steps in a very different, difficult, heartbreaking journey……thank you again for sharing so much of you and Madeline with all of us…..
That’s great writing, Matt. I really feel I’m there with you, landing in Cancún for the first time with Maddy but without Liz, and seeing it all with fresh eyes full of tears.
I love Mexico. She forgives because she sees the world in a different way from how we do in our all-too stressed-up city lives.
Enjoy the guacamole!
Ok, cried through most of this whole entire blog! AND…then the WCCO news piece…WOW…more tears!
You are doing a GREAT job with little Maddy…keep it up!!!
Matt….Sammy (born 4/2/08) started to crawl about 2 weeks ago…don’t rush it…trust me on this…he is SUPER destructive!!! Loved the People Article…I picked it up in the store and said I KNOW HIM!! My husband looked at me like I was insane
Then I had to explain that I just feel like I know you because I have been reading about you for months….
I loved the beginning of your post – it’s great that Tuesdays are becoming more like normal days for you. Great writing in this one too – you throw us back into your memories with Liz like a Lost flashback! Really cool. Glad you are back in the LA safe and sound. Also, the People article was wonderful, and the pics of you and Maddy were just stunning! What a gorgeous girl!
I love the video of her crawling and the surprised look on her face when you all clapped…she is just too adorable!! My son crawled like that for what seemed like forever-we called it the army crawl-he went from that to walking. lol
I cant wait to hear more about your trips. Ive been following all the pictures you post on Flickr-they are so perfect…just like the 2 of you.
Congratulations on the article in PEOPLE too Matt!!
Matt, sounds like an awesome trip! Great photos as always! That litle princess in just about ready for take off, crap time to pick up the shit on the floors now. Ya, they make us clean! Can’t wait to see her in action cruising! Glad your trip was fun!
Hey Matt – your blog also got nominated for a bloggie award. I was directed there to vote for a nother site and saw your site there. (of course I voted for you!)
Congrats and thanks for sharing – been reading and rooting for you and Maddie for a long time now.
Easy with the razor next time, Matt.
@EVERYONE: vote for Matt in the 2009 bloggies so he doesn’t get his ass handed to him by a bunch of kitties. http://2009.bloggies.com/
Once again, this blog made me tear up… your words are so beautiful. And so is Maddy – she is getting so big.
Congratulations on Maddy beginning to crawl! You are a wonderful father to her. And she is completely adorable.
The part about Liz and missing the little things makes me strive to be more grateful for what I have in my life, so thank you for that.
HEY! She’s belly crawling! Congrats Maddy! You are doing such a great job with her! She looked so surprised with the clapping! Hope you had fun in Mexico (and New York as well)
I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to do this without Liz, but I’m proud that you are, and I’m sure she is too. I’ve been around for a while, and “read” as you’ve changed and grown with Maddy. What an amazing adventure the two of you have ahead. I’ll continue to pray for you and Madeline daily, and pray that even if you never find answers, you can find peace.
Wow you guys really get around! I love the video. She will be on her hands and knees in no time! Then you will have not time at all to yourself
Can’t wait to hear about the rest of your trip!
http://sprucehill.typepad.com/
I always love reading your updates, you are doing an amazing job with that beautiful little one. Keep up the good work and the great things you are doing with your blog and the foundation. Liz would be proud I’m sure.
I still can’t believe you were in People magazine! As soon as I saw it on your last post, I went out and got one on my way home and tried to look at it but was prevented by tears each time…finally the next afternoon, I was able to read it and get through the whole thing and still managed to have a bit of make up left! You really have meant a lot to me as well as others…and it’s stories like yours that reminds me to live for today. Seriously. Not to take anything for granted. Ever. Enjoy every moment. Always.
I love the way you got Maddy to crawl! I did the same for my son…I’m trying to think of what we were using..it was a remote… (with Maddy it’s shoes, with my son, it’s a remote-go figure!) After crawling, it all goes downhill….nothing will be safe again!
Anyway, we love you Matt…you have tons of surrogate friends & sisters in the blogland!
Hey there…got wind of your blog via People…then I spent the next 2 days doing nothing but reading it……you are an amazing person and your daughter is adorable and from the sounds of it a very good baby! You are very lucky to have her, as she is you….Keep up the amazing job!
I just commented but I don’t see where it went to so here goes-my best attempt to recreate my heartfelt comment with my shitty memory!
Love the way you got Maddy to crawl and her surprised look when everyone got so excited! I did the same thing with my son too! (I think we used a remote or something–go figure–remotes work for boys and shoes work for girls!)
Anyway, I still can’t believe your story was in People! When I saw a comment in your last post, I went right out and bought one. Everytime, I tried to read it, I just got so upset and couldn’t even get past the freaking title. Finally, the next afternoon, I was able to read through and just felt so proud of you.
It’s stories like yours that has taught me to live for the day. Seriously. Never take anyone or anything for granted. Ever. Tell your people how much they mean to you. Always.
We love you Matt…you have lots of surrogate sisters in the blogworld!
The crawling video is priceless. I can’t wait to see the one you’ll post the first time she walks. And Daddy cries at his loss of freedom. LOL
Barbara Kingsolver wrote in an essay once about how adults in Europe are so kind and helpful when other people travel with babies and about all the glares she got in the U.S. I realized I might be one of the glarers, so ever since, I have tried to be kind and helpful — if only by smiling at the baby and parent. Something we can all work on!
I was babysitting the week the People Magazine was coming out. The lady I babysit for gets them in the mail which meant that she might have it before the stands did. I searched her living room, picked up the newest one (dated Jan. 26th), quickly turned to the table of contents and yelled (AHHHH!) as soon as I saw your picture. Frantically turned to your story, quickly looked at all the pictures, teared up when I saw Liz on the delivery table and then proceeded to read the article. So neat!
OH a side note, your vacation (although very memorable for you) looks amazing! I’m also craving guac now that you’ve mentioned it, thanks!
Can’t wait to read more about your travels, as always!
Matt, I work with Holly and have been following your blog. My fam vacations in Akumal every year as well. I LOVE the bar with the swings (Buena Vida?) and know the crabby lady with the leather tan skin. I wish I was there…
How do you keep your shit together Matt? I don’t think I could do it…you are so strong!
Dear Matt – i’m not sure where to start this as i don’t even know what is happening in my world right now, i just read you’re story in the Jan ‘09 People mag. My brothers girlfriend bought me a couple of magazines to try and get my mind off of all the bullshit….On Saturday Jan. 17th i watched my husband get swept away by an avalanch and die! Wow, that was hard to write- what a sobering reality to what the F_ _ _ my world has turned into. I was touched by your story ,as i see many people are. We have a lot of simalarities. My Travis and i were married July 29th, 2006 in my hometown and this is where we live, Bozeman Montana. All i can say about our relationship is the song God Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flates sums up our love and life together. Last New Years while snowmobiling in Cooke City, MT (one of our favorite places to go) we conceived our first child. Everything was going well until the 1st of July when i woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and started bleeding. From then on i was hospitalized flown to Billings as we thought i was going to have Kaden at 27 weeks and the Bozeman hospital couldn’t handle babies that early. Turns out the entire top half of my placenta clotted (i have had blood clots in the past) .Because we couldn’t stop the bleeding and contractions i ended up having Kaden Lee 5 weeks early, healthy and beautiful, 5lbs 7oz. Last weekend we had my parents watch Kaden as Trav, myself and 3 of our good friends headed back to Cooke City for a wonderful weekend of riding. After a truely amazing day of riding Travis wanted to take ONE more ride (so i could video tape him) up the side of the mountain when he got stuck at the top 10,000ft mountain. As we sat below and watched ,all of a sudden his sled broke free and started rolling down the mountain. That triggered the slide and the next thing i knew BOOOM-CRACK the avie hit and i saw him fall and disappear under the snow. We couldn’t get to him and after 5 hours ,now 10:30 at night ,had to give up the search and LEAVE him on the mountain , snowmoble back down 5 miles to town and make “the calls”. After we went back to the cabin and “slept’ at 7 am the search with dogs began. Travis was found towards the bottom of the 300ft wide by 1,000ft long slide with his beeper accidently turned off. I guess i’m writing you as only few people know the path we now take and it’s easier to talk to people that “know” what i’m going through. So, my question to you is what in the F_ _ _ do i do now, a single parent ,30 years old ,with a 5 month son……………..if i never hear back from you i have to say just sitting down and writing this makes me feel a little better – so thank you and God Bless, Kelly Engstrom, if you do see this please take a look at the wonderful web-site one of our dear friends put together http://www.travisengstrom.org.
OMG OMG! I think you stayed at the condo complex where my in-laws own one in Akumal!!! Did you staying at the Iguana? At the very end of that windy bumpy road!? My in-laws own (I think) #5. I won’t put the VRBO link on here, but I’m dying to know so if you can spare the time to email me, that’d be great. I absolutely LOVE it in Akumal, and have been there probably 7 times in the past 6 years. I have a 16 month old, which is partly the reason I stumbled upon your blog, and she has been there twice already. Last time we went, I think she was around Madeline’s age, and she HATED the speed bumps. I had to sing to her to distract her that entire drive out to the main area. They are pretty bad, so I don’t blame her.
You have to email me next time you go, as I have tons of great suggestions on where to eat. I hope you ate the shrimp tacos in Playa at La Floresta. That is always our first stop on the way into Akumal, and our last stop on the way to the airport…
Hope you had fun!!!
Kelly Engstrom, thank you for writing above. My heart goes out to you and your family….crying with you.
Long time reader . . . first time poster . . . I just met my husband for lunch and got so annoyed about how he was eating . . . food in one hand, shoveling with the fork in the other. I said something and then he was annoyed with me for “picking on him.” When I got back to work I read your blog . . . your sweet words about Liz and clapping. Now I want to tell him that I love how he eats. Thank you for always reminding us to love the people around us for who they are and what they do! I will be a nicer wife because of you. Can’t wait to read more about Mexico. You’re an amazing person with an amazing daughter . . . Orlando loves you!
@ Kelly
I’m not “prayer” myself, but wanted to send some cyber support out to you. Your story is truly tragic and haunting. know that there are hoards of Matt supporters out there reading your story and shaking their heads at your tremendous loss.
Take care of yourself
Hi Matt and Maddy!
I have been a long time reader, but it is my first time commenting. I live in Playa del Carmen, and La Buena Vida is one of my ALL time favorite spots in the area. Next time you come down look me up and I will take you two to lunch:) Besos y Abrazos from Playa!
I love the way he nearly jumps out of her baby grow when you guys applaud!
Long egs the wee bugger has too!
Just saw your piece in People. Even though I’ve never met you I totally had the sense that I was reading about one of my friends! Liz would probably be cracking up at all of this – but of course proud at the good you are doing. Keep up the good work!
I read about you in People and wanted to get to know you and Maddy before I sent my first note. I have spent the last week and a half getting nothing done at work, so that i could read through each day of your blog. I have cried, laughed out loud and loved getting to know you!! As I read your blog I look at the pictures of my 2 year old son and can’t imagine what you have been through and what you are still going through. Let me tell you that you are an awesome father and daddy, I know you life will truly be filled with happiness!
Glad to hear that Tuesdays are getting a little easier for you.
Maddie’s a lot braver than me. Not even a year old and she’s trying guacamole! I’m 18 and still can’t stand to look at the stuff.
Thanks for the update. I first heard about this site when you and maddie were featured in people magazine. I was truly touched and have spent hours reading all of your old posts trying to catch up.
Best of luck to you and Maddie. Hope your pain continues to get better. Maddie is one lucky little girl to have such an amazing father Matt.
Yea on the crawling! I saw the People article–congrats. My mother in law saw it first and was reading it and knew exactly who you were–she remembered me talking about you the time I met you and the family in the SF. I can’t wait to see more of the Mexico adventure.
I just finished reading your whole blog. I laughed, and I cried. You are an amazing father Matt! Maddy is precious, and almost the most perfect baby in the world after daughter Annalyn (Hehe). I am a devoted fan of your photography as well. Thank you for the time you have spent letting us see/feel/and hear your life. Also, our daughters have almost identical eyes and hair color. I couldn’t help but notice all the similarities from the many pictures of Maddy I enjoyed.
I saw the People article and thought it was beautifully done! YAY on almost crawling Maddy! What a big girl you are becoming! Matt, do you ever stop for a minute and sit back in awe at what this blog has done for other people? Your words are bringing comfort, joy, peace, laughter, and friendship to many who are hurting and lost. Liz is smiling down on you and is right there beside you taking care of you and Maddy. You should be so proud of yourself as a father and husband.
Just got home from taking my daughter to the orthodontist. That is the only place I ever get to read People magazines. I am part of the madness you were avoiding. I nearly screamed out loud “Oh! It’s Matt and Madeline and the story of Liz!”
Peace…
Wow, what a story! It’s something you usually read about in fiction novels or movies, hard to believe it’s true. I also learned about you through the People magazine article and in 2 days at work, went through all the posts, pictures and many comments. I have been waiting for you to post again so I could write something as I feel like I know you (that does sound creepy). My husband and I don’t have kids yet but seeing pictures and videos of Maddy and how great you are with her…well, let’s just say, my clock is ticking. Thanks for sharing your life, it has inspired me to want to procreate!
I’m going to be doing a lot of crying reading your blog, but a lot of smiling and laughing to. I like your writing style, it is so human and honest, easy reading with those little bits of life so many of us can relate to. I love that you are such a great Daddy, it makes me smile and no doubt Liz would be incredible proud to see what a great father she chose for her most precious gift to you – and now the rest of the world.
In 2005 my 34 year old daughter had twins, got eclampsia when they were 1 week old and was in critical condition but survived – a miracle the drs said. She had problems with blood clots early in pregnancy. Drs placed a screen in the area to block blood clots coming from her leg because she had to be taken off her blood thinner due to a head injury she suffered in the e.r. (the side bars were not pulled up and she fell off when she had a seizure). For a week and half after coming home, she complained of leg pain went to the dr twice who told her she must have hurt her leg when she fell from the gurney during her hospital stay. When the babies were three weeks old, she got up one morning complained of her leg feeling numb, walked across the bedroom and fell dead. My son-in-law took care of the little guys by himself but has since met and married a woman whose husband died suddenly and she has twins. Getting that phone call was like someone taking a 2×4 and knocking me across the chest. The raw pain is indescribable. We miss her SO MUCH!!!! For those who have never experienced it, you have no idea. I know where you are coming from.
Hi Matt,
I am new to your story and just wanted to say that your daughter is beautiful and I find your strength is amazing. You should be proud of yourself. Thanks for sharing your life.
I am one of the many newbies thanks to People and, after reading your blog over the last week, feel overwhelmingly compelled to leave you a note. I am amazed at the love that you have for your wife and daughter and am in total awe of the courage you have shown for Maddy. It will never be easy, but thank god you have each other. Take care, Matt and Maddy. We’re thinking of you in San Diego!
I remember the first time my son began to crawl and the absolute joy it brought to me. I relived that joy with the video you posted. So thank you for that.
http://iusedtohavehair.wordpress.com/
LOL! Love your description of your trip through security! I work for an airline here in Canada. I’ve witnessed many a parent, and been there myself, try to make this trek through without interrupting everyone else’s life. And ya know what, I say fuck ‘em! Baldy scowly business suit can wait an extra damn minute for a parent trying to keep it all together. Moron. If he woulda been at the airport an hour and a half early like I told him to when he booked his ticket, instead of thinking he knows best, he wouldn’t be so put out by a dad just trying to do his job. Let him be late, that’ll learn him!
Ok…I must admit that I’m diggin’ the Dodger cap in your first photo. I heart Manny Ramirez. I’m admitting this as a HUGE St. Louis Cardinals fan, so don’t spread this! Glad to read that you had a safe trip…looking forward to reading more. And hoping to read that the sun is shining on your face (Madelin’s too!).
Hi Matt,
I’ve been reading your blog for a few weeks and I have no experience with raising a child but I think you’re doing a great job. Just wanted to tell you that my thoughts and prayers are with you and Madeline and that I just voted for you for in the Bloggies! Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Love & luck.
50000 – WOW, I thought I had you & Madeline all to myself…well not really but wow. This post was really great. Your description of trying to not hold people up had me giggling, I think I used to say ’sorry’ about a trillion times a day when out with my little one.
{{{hugs}}} for Kelly.
Wow – hard to believe she’s crawling already. They grow so fast, don’t they?
Hey guys!!
Welcome back!!
My friend called the other day yelling at me to go buy People– because the guy from my blog was in it
It’s a great article!
Glad that you got away during the intial on slaught– I am sure it was a lot to come home to though too!
Maddy’s MOBILE!!!! watch out world here she comes!!!
Cheers!
Man, I really feel for you, the first’s are always the hardest…..mostly its the dreading them, once one is over the next one comes. Hang in there man, Katryna is now almost 3, and thinking back to when she was just crawling….seems like forever ago. Time freaking flies, if you move out the aloneness, which makes seconds seem like centuries, it is hard to believe it is almost a year and a half out for me. The first year after gets a little tougher, but you will be OK.
YOU are doing an amazing job with Maddie, better than alot of mothers I’ve known. You’ve heard it over and over again, but I am so sorry for what happened! She was a very beautiful woman. And she was a very lucky woman to have such an amazing man raise her baby girl! Plus… you’re really hot, she’s gotta be proud that she snagged you!
Awe your little girl is almost crawling thats when the real fun starts! Lol. She is sooooo cute!
This post brought tears to my eyes- as did the People magazine article. As a first time parent myself, I think you are doing a wonderful job raising Maddy and keeping Liz’s memories alive.
she’s just absolutely adorable in the crawling video!
)
i was actually smiling (and teary-eyed) the whole time i was watching it. Just so sad to know liz wasn’t, and won’t be, there to witness those moments.
good luck to all your trips. and hope to hear more from you later on.
Keep up the great work daddy matt!
Thank you so much for your honesty and openness, always. I can’t believe you were in People, I’ll have to go check that out.
Pretty soon Maddy will be mobile and then you’ll spend your days chasing after her and prevent her from putting everything in her mouth.
We missed you guys, glad to have you back! Can’t wait to hear more about it and the NYC. I can’t believe she is crawling! Soooo big, tooo fast. <3
wow! crazy night pictures… loving them!
Matt,
I just finished reading your story in people magazine. I was so shocked. I felt like I was reading my own personal life story. My sister gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on May 30, 2004. Two days later, while visiting him in the NICU she passed out. Only after her death did we find out that she had an aortic dissection. When her aorta ruptured she passed out and never woke up again. Now her boyfriend, also named Matt, takes care of their sweet Zachary on his own. I want you to know that your story made me realize we aren’t the only ones suffering from such a horrible tragedy. I feel comfort in knowing Matt and Zachary aren’t alone in their struggle and that thier is hope. Thank you for that.
Matt, did you know you’ve been nominated for a Weblog award? Congrats!
http://2009.bloggies.com/
(”Best Topical Weblog’ category)
Hi Matt,
I just saw the article in People Magazine about you and your daughter. I would like to send some hair clips to your baby but don’t know how to reach you by e-mail.
http://www.LilSugarplum.com
Watch out Matt – mobility is right around the corner! As wonderful as it is, you will see a whole new set of issues rise up. Better start cleaning better.
Hey Matt!! I was wondering how the ads on your blog page work?? Does it help you if we click on them or what? I’d like to do whatever I can to help and I just need to know if that is one way. Thanks and you are doing a F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S job with Maddy! It won’t be long and she will be crawling ALL over!!
Damn, I can’t believe how many people are following your blog now! How does it feel being a semi-celebrity these days? Any good show hook ups yet? Somehow Arcade Fire or another good band needs to get involved. So crazy… You surely don’t have time to read all these bajillion comments with that precious lil babe on your hands! I know… I’m 24 and a single mom. Well, I’m feeling like a regular ol’ creep now that I’ve finally made my first comment… but it won’t be read to I am good!
Matt,
Just finished catching up on your blog after two days of reading. I am amazed time and time again by your perserverance and love for your daughter. I am sure Liz would be so proud of you. You inspire me to be a better person. When I find myself getting down about petty things in my life, I think of all you’ve been through in the past year and it brings everything into perspective. Keep up the great work. You are AWESOME. I wish you and Maddie the best in the coming year. Love your blog! Looking forward to more videos!
I saw your article and People and had to read the rest of your story. I am simply amazed at your courage although I know you derive that courage from your beautiful daughter. Keep moving Matt. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You will be tired , you will be sad, but you will never be sorry that you kept going for Maddy, and Liz. Thank you for letting us follow you on your journey.
Matt-
I came across your blog this morning. I have been thinking about you and your beautiful wife and daughter all day. Your story has not only found a special place in my heart but also has inspired me to find strength in courage in my own life.
You are a beautiful person and writer; my thoughts and prayers are with you and Maddy.
Sincerely.
Katie Smith
Matt – I hear ya with the “Annoyed” travelers. We too are an expert security family, my boys are faster than some adults in line. Enjoy your personal victories, that guy behind you just doesn’t get it, and too bad for him.
Enjoy your vacation, and know that Liz is probably right there with you both on the beach. You are a wonderful father, every picture of Maddy proves that. Stay strong.
Your daughter is beautiful. I am sorry for your loss and I also wish you the best.
Hey, you and Maddie are on the AOL Welcome screen today! Hope you’re having a good time in Mexico!
omg, your article was on the AOL home page! YOURE SO FAMOUS!!! Congrats!!
http://www.parentdish.com/2009/01/29/matt-and-madeline-life-love-and-death-on-a-blog/
So, I just logged on to AOL to check my email, and there are your beautiful faces! I love it!
<3 a cousin in the MN!
wow i wish to take care of your daughter bec u lost your wife so i understand and i read your story was sad but how can support your daughter if someone out there who will be helpful for you and your daughter’s sake unless to find good heart to love to be and in the future will be so i wish to meet u and your daughter smile god bless u and your daughter in every once time in your heart where to find one to hold each other part in the family will be closer and keep in touch for everything. i love your daughter as beautiful eyes , smile everything she love to be with smile
matt,
I am new here, but your story makes me realize how powerful perseverance is. When your life got hard, when you lost one of the most important things to you, you kept on. I admire you so much and look forward to each new blog with much anticipation.
she is very precious may god give you all the blessing in this world your doing a great job as a father and a mother things get much easier as she grows my blessing are to you and ur lil princess
That’s a great story on AOL.com. It’s good to see your inspirational story spreading across the internet. You definitely give single dads like me hope that we can do anything we set our minds to.
Keep up the great work!
Matt – I just read your posting on AOL. You are amazing! I am the mom of two grown sons, one with a daughter, raising her on his own. So many things to know about parenting – but I must say, you know the MOST IMPORTANT and that is “any decision I make must be in Maddy’s best interest”….you really get it. I am looking forward to your blogs and you awesom pics!
Matt -
You are such an inspiration…not only to single parents everywhere…but for every person on this planet who has ever wasted a single moment of their lives. Your story is a great reminder of why we all need to truly live in the moment that we are in.
You are a wonderful father. My mother died the day after I was born as well. Cerebral aneurysm. She had severe headaches after I was born and the nurse said she was upset she didn’t have a boy. Small country hospital. My father was a farmer with a 3 yr old and newborn daughters. He remarried and my mother now is the only mother I’ve ever known. The hardest part is that once my dad remarried (and I was very young still), we lost all contact with my birth mother’s family. No one spoke of her and acted as if she never existed. As a mother myself, I’d hate to hear I as totally forgotten. Times have changed and these days people talk more about difficult times instead of avoiding them.
I will pray for you and wish you and your precious daughter the absolute best.
Wow, today you were on the feature screen on AOL. (yes for whatever reason I still have that set as my homepage.) Then it said your site was down because of too much traffic, I gotta say, I got a little mad! I was like shit, I’ve been reading this blog for months and months…thank God I was able to get right here or I may have had a small cow!
When I first started reading your story, I had no idea what to say. I know you must hear it a lot but you have shown great strength to keep doing what you are doing. Your daughter is the luckiest daughter in the world because she has a parent that loves her as a dad and as a mom. Don’t worry about the things to come, even babies with two parents don’t even know what to do. All you can do is be patient and love your daughter. A child is a gift and should be cherished. They are the best little creatures in the world. It is the best feeling to have someone who has just been brought into this world look up at you and smile because they feel safe and loved in your arms. Never forget those moments. Every second is a miracle and every second we cannot get back. You are a great father and she is going to know that for her whole life. You are an inspiration to us all.
I love reading your blogs.
Madeline is beautiful and you seem like
a pretty amazing father…and your wife would be proud.
I love going to Mexico, its beautiful. Im looking
forward to your next entry.
Best of Wishes
Your also a great inspiration to me. You
are doing an amazing job. Keep it up.
Glad to hear that both of you and Madeline arrived home safely from your travels to Mexico and New York. It seems like things are really picking up steam (not quite sure how you feel about all of that) but hopefully the attention will serve as positive momentum for the foundation. Madeline looks like she is doing great, and really, really happy. Good job dad.
*Thanks for the heads up about J. Tillman…good stuff.
Ooh, she’s so close to crawling now!! I laughed as she chased the shoelace like a kitten w/ a string. And that news story brought new tears to my eyes.
I know sometimes you might think Madeline is perfect because you are her Dad…all parents think their child is perfect and think that others MUST agree. But I have to tell you, it’s not just you being her Dad…she IS perfect! She is so adorable, so happy and is exactly what you need to survive this. It’s almost as if she knows what you are both missing by being so easy going. And it seems as if she knows what a great Dad she has. I know you said you had no choice, but there are always choices and the fact that you choose to be the involved, loving, caring parent that you are is a choice not all would have been able to handle. You really are a great Dad. Madeline may not have her Mommy but she has more than just a Dad – she is having a loving, happy and complete life, Your hard work is evident in her eyes and her smile.
@Jim who is going to Puerto Rico. My heart goes out to you and you daughter. I hope you can keep your courage up and go. I’m so sorry for your heartache. I hope you keep reading Matt, his writing will touch your soul.
take care.
for the record, “carol” doesn’t have to read your blog if she doesn’t like your writing style; I (with a degree in Journalism) happen to love it … by the by, hope you enjoyed Nashville … we live here …
Just wanted to say you are an incredible father and Madeline is so lucky to have you! Kudos to all the dads out there that put this much time, effort, and love into their kids! Keep it up and stay strong. God Bless!
Matt, I can understand your loss, BUT, just look at what she gave to and left for you. You and Maddy are going to be all right in time. My best wishes to the both of you. That little girls is Prescious and I know you will be a great father to her.
To her the main thing is “LOVE” and I’m sure you are full of love for her.
I think you are totally amazing and I know that God chose
this special role for you to have. I know you said that you’re
not religious, but Jesus will get you and your beautiful daughter through this, and help you to live the wonderful life
He has planned for both of you, if you draw close to Him. You are truly inspiring!!! Thanks for blessing me with your
story!
What a wonderful father and what an amazing story of love and loss.
Matt, Maddy is a beautiful little girl. You are doing a great job-Liz would be proud of you. I wish more fathers, dads and/or sperm donors were like you and doing a good job. Am grandmother of 4, great grandma of 1-born on my birthday and my namesake. I must say you are a much better mom than my grand daughter but she is trying.
Please give the baby a kiss for this grandma and will keep checking the site
Thank you Matt for opening your heart….an open heart can be filled.
I am fairly new to reading your blog! I get reary eyed everytime but you make me see things in a different perspective. The small things in life should be enjoyed just as much as the big. We can always look back on the big moments because we take pictures and videos and make many memories. But the small things such as a certain look, or the way you say I love you before bed are the things we have to make a mental memory of because we will never have them on camera. You make me look at everyday a little bit different. I am a single mom of 5 kids and I have 2 different kids fathers. Not one of them ever do anything for any of my kids. I wish that they could read just one of your blogs, just one, and I know their eyes would be opened to so much. I know about clapping and enjoying the small moments with my kids. Not just the birthday parties or holidays are important. The days when our little ones learn something new and we clap and make a big deal out of them doing the small things. This is why I say we need to appreciate the small things. Not only in relationships with our children, but with every important person in our lifes. Thank you for opening my eyes and making me cry over the small stuff. Life comes at me so fast I take each day and sigh a sigh of relief when I hit the bed. With 5 kids I am at my wits end by the end of each day, but since I have read your blogs I seem to be happier and more appreciative at the end of each day. Thank you!!
Take care of yourself and your adorable baby girl!
You are amazing! Your little Maddy is a total dollface. She looks like her mother. You really are amazing. Keep up the great work that you are doing with your blog, pictures, and videos. Maddy will love to look back on your time together. Its great what you are doing with Liz’s foundation. It is so much work, but so rewarding for your soul and Maddy will someday be so proud when she understands. Your story is amazing once again. You are an inspiration for myself to be a better mother. Thank you for sharing. Take care and God Bless you and your family.
Matt your an amazing father plain and simple. You have inspired me to keep track of everyday I have with my 13 months old daughter and to take a million pictures to remember her life. You were dealt an amazing horrible hand in life but instead of making it negative you have brought out so much positivity that it really inspires me. You have taught me to not take my relationship with daughter’s father for granted. Relationships are hard work but they are worth fighting for. I will not take for granted that I am raising my daughter with both of her parents. I know you hear this everyday but I am proud of what you are doing and the love and happiness you have shown to Maddy.
Your daughter is very lucky to have you as her father. Your wife would be very proud.
MIchele
YOU SURE DO MAKE PEOPLE REALIZE THAT EVERY MOMENT IS IMPORTANT AND THAT WE SHOULD NEVER TAKE FOR GRANTED SMALL MOMENTS WITH THOSE WE LOVE. SO THANK YOU!!
Dear MeM in the MN: Thank you for your kind words. So many people have visited the one true media sight were we posted the DVD in honor of Jackie. My daughter will also know her mother thru pictures. I don’t know how Matt finds the time to do everything he has been doing. Of course he is alot younger than my self.I am going to be 49 years old this June four days after my daughters 1st birthday and the loss of one precious love. I am waiting to speak to Matt personally. I hope he find time to talk to me. Once again thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
Jim
Sometimes I wake up and forget that it’s Thursday. The day I’m supposed to hate. The day that he died. And sometimes now I get through a whole Thursday without thinking it. Which is okay, but makes me sad at the same time.
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