jan. 13-14.

tuesday.

13th day of jan.

somewhere along the

way, tuesdays have

become less about

death.

i think that’s

a good thing.

today was quiet,

just work then daycare

then packing for

the trip to mexico.

lounging.

went to sleep by

3:00am, was up by

5:00 and out

the door by 5:30.

wednesday.

days into 2009

we got to the airport

and checked in.

10 round-trip

trips behind us,

i’ve come to develop

some expert travel

techniques to help

get us through

security without

disrupting the days

of those behind us…

(as it turns out, some travelers get a little pissy when they have to wait an extra 15 seconds for a guy with a baby to collect his belongings)

cell phone and change

tucked into the

diaper bag, laptop

out of the camera bag and

in my hand,

shoes off, shoelaces loosened

up and tucked into

the front of the

shoes to make it

easier to slide them

on at the other end…

all of this before

getting to the silver

rollers leading to the

x-ray machine.

and of course, this is

all done with maddy

in the front pack.

as we approach

the metal detector i

let the expressionless

human behind the x-ray

machine know that

i am carrying a

bottle of water and

that it is for the baby.

i walk through the

metal detector with

our boarding passes

in hand, get the

laptop back in the

camera bag, and the

shoes back on my feet,

all before the asshole

behind us wearing

the tie and the

scowl is even

through the metal detector.

i’ve managed to save

him that precious

15 seconds of waiting

and the accompanying

aggravation it would

have brought him.

and for some reason

that makes me smile.

we had a short

wait and soon enough

we were on our

way to the cancun airport.

airplane bathroom.

5 or so hours later, maddy

woke up with

a smile as we

touched down in

the country that

would give maddy her

the second stamp

in her passport.

immigration cleared, we

waded through the

mass of salespeople,

got outside and found

no one waiting

there to greet us.

i missed

her

a lot at that moment.

we waited outside under

the cloudy skies

and the heat and humidity,

for the g-grandparents

to pick us up.

they had arrived just

ahead of us, after

making some last

minute changes to

their itinerary to defeat

the mechanical troubles

that would have kept

their original flight from

making their connection

to the cancun.

as we waited,

i tried not to think

about all the previous

trips i’d taken here with

liz

and her family.

it’s been a few

years since we

was last here,

but there were 6 or 7

trips that sort of

run together in my mind.

i remembered the times

i arrived here alone,

coming from the mn

or the chicago,

and seeing liz’s smiling face,

just outside of the

immigration area,

emerge from the sea of

folks trying to sell

me on some tourist trap,

time share opportunity

or a cab ride to

my destination.

and i remembered

the times

liz

and i traveled together

from the los angeles,

one time getting stuck

in our personal hell

for a night,

the city of cancun

we arrived

a day ahead of her

family and were

unable to rent a

car and drive

to our real destination,

because we were

only 24 years old.

and then i remember

the time we didn’t arrive

at all…

a few years back,

liz

misread the itinerary

and we showed up

24 hours late

for our flight

(another thing i was incapable of doing was keeping track of our travel itineraries so like just about everything else of real importance, the task always landed on liz’s shoulders).

i looked at the verticle

scar running down

my ring finger,

stopping just below

where my wedding

ring now sits.

thought about the

time before i actually

had the thing on

my finger…

we were swimming

in the ocean and

i cut my finger

on a piece

of coral.

liz

made fun of me,

telling me to,

“toughen up”

as i complained

about the saltwater

seeping into the cut.

it hurt like hell,

but i stayed in

the water to

try to prove to her

that i wasn’t

some sort of pussy.

she knew better though,

and i knew she did,

so after a few

minutes of pain, i

walked back to

the condo to

get a bandage.

the memories of

liz got bumped

from my mind

as her parents

pulled up and

greeted us with

hugs and smiles.

we got in the car

with them and talked

the whole way to our

lunch spot in the

playa del carmen.

at this point i knew

that the people mag

article was about

to hit the stands,

and i was pretty happy

that i wasn’t going

to be around

for the madness.

as we ate lunch,

madeline on my lap,

i fed her her

first ever bite of

chicken, and i cried

as she got excited

and started clapping

for the first time.

her mom used to clap

when she got excited

about shit, mostly about

some lunch or dinner

special on a menu,

or some song coming

on the radio that

she loved, one

that she knew

would of course

get my eyes rolling.

it’s these moment

when i think about

the little things

that i used to find

mildly annoying that

i miss her

most.

did i really roll

my eyes about

her expressions of happiness?

yes…i was an asshole

who had no clue

that she’d be dead

before her 30th birthday,

before our third wedding

anniversary, before she

ever go to hold

madeline.

i think i would have

been more tolerant

of these stupid things

if only i’d have known

just how much

time we wouldn’t

have together.

crying and lunch

now over, we drove

down some familiar

roads to get to a

store to pick up

some supplies.

soon enough we

were back on the

road and on our way

to our destination.

nothing looked the same.

i mean, the road itself

hadn’t changed,

but now there were

lights and buildings

and stores on the

west side of the

road, where there used

to be only the

places where the locals lived,

and the occasional

roadside restaurant.

i fell asleep

somewhere along the

way and woke up

as we pulled up

to the exit for

our destination.

it too had changed.

now there was a

walking bridge over

the highway to help

facilitate the safe

transfer of the locals

from the beach side

of the road back

to their homes.

and there was

the road construction

that greeted us as

we entered the town

of akumal.

the memories assaulted

me as we drove

past the lunch

counter where

we had many meals.

past the store with

ever-present,

crabby, overly-tanned lady.

through the archway

and past the

dive shop where

we used to

rent our snorkeling gear.

around the corner

where i drove alongside

liz

as she got

her daily run

in during a

light rain storm

(i, of course, being too lazy to actually run with her).

past the bar

with the swings.

past the condos

we’d stayed in

on previous trips.

damn. it seems like

we’ve stayed at

every single one

of these places.

near the end

of the road,

tree.

we stopped at an

unfamiliar place.

i guess we

haven’t stayed

at every condo

pool.

on the beach.

we got our keys,

dropped off our

stuff and we were

walking up the street

market.

search of dinner.

we stopped at

the bar with

the swings.

holy shit did

liz

love this place.

i suggested we

sit upstairs to

avoid the karaoke

and the memories

down below.

DSC_0365

madeline spent part

of the evening

in a highchair

for the first

time ever.

we had to use

grandpa tom g’s

belt to strap

her in ’cause the

damn thing didn’t

have any restraints.

she was so excited

as she got her

first taste of guacamole,

eating some guacamole.

and wouldn’t

let us rest until

she had gotten

her fill.

we drove home

after dinner and

played on the floor

with madeline.

oh shit…

she has almost

figured out the whole

crawling thing.

we all laughed

for a while then

went outside

and hung out on

the beach.

sky.

after awhile we

headed back inside

and went to bed.

maddy passed out

almost immediately.

i stared at a book

for an hour, too

many thoughts

in my head,

i reread the same

pages over and

over in an attempt

to comprehend something.

(more to come from the mexico trip…in the mean time, maddy and i have been all over the place lately, which explains the lack of updates…los angeles to mexico and back, then off to the nyc and now back in los angeles. lots of updates forthcoming, but in the mean time, check out chrissy’s post over at storked! to get a preview of our saturday afternoon in the city. also, check out the news segment that was featured on one of our hometown television stations last friday).

Copyright © 2007-2012 matt, liz and madeline. All rights reserved. This blog may not be reproduced on any other site without the expressed written consent of Matt Logelin.