(for those of you who are new to the site, welcome. please read this first).
thursday
15 days in
to 2009.
woke up to madeline
laying on her side,
sleeping peacefully
in the bed
beside me.
we got up and
let her grandparents
feed her breakfast.
it was pouring outside,
so we hung out
in the condo
until it was time
to pick up deb’s
friend, lindsay,
from the airport.
another trip past
all of those memories,
this time in the daylight.
fuck.
better get used
to it.
we’ll be making
this drive more than
a few times
over the next
few days.
i took advantage
of the fact that
i had mobile
phone service
but eventually
fell asleep.
woke up as we
pulled up
to the airport.
we waited around
outside the arrivals
terminal until lindsay
walked out.
then we set
about retracing most
of our steps from yesterday,
from every trip
we had ever
taken here.
we parked in
the same parking lot.
and had lunch on
the beach in
the playa del carmen,
at a place that
i’d been to with
liz
many times before.
it’s really fucking
difficult to go
back to these places,
places that hold
so many memories,
but it’s something
i have to do.
if i tried run away
from these memories
i would miss out
on so much,
and so would
madeline.
plus,
liz
and i went to
a lot of really
cool places all
over the world,
so it’s almost
impossible to escape
this shit.
we enjoyed some
lunch on the beach
then i took a
little walk with madeline.
and we played
in the sand.
we were here before.
2004.
same exact spot.
fuck.
after lunch we
walked back
to our car,
and headed back
toward the akumal.
we got back to
the condo and
found that many of
liz’s
family members
made it safely
to the condo.
we spent the
evening catching up
with everyone
while maddy worked
on squeezing bananas
through some
mesh netting.
(these things are disgusting, but very useful).
e-mails and comments
started to roll
in today.
it seems that the
people article has
hit the stands.
i spent part of
the evening chatting
with aj and a few
of the creeps
to make sure
that some last
minute things
were taken care of.
lots of media attention
coming our way.
i’m not doing this
shit to be
famous, because i
don’t give a shit
about that, and
none of this means
anything to me without
liz,
but we want
to harness this
attention in the
best way possible.
again,
not for me.
not for madeline.
for others like
us, who lost
a spouse, a partner
and a parent.
so…
before midnight central
time, we had a
fully functioning
web site up and
running for the thing
that is now the
second biggest priority
in my life.
if you would
have told me
a year ago that
this was the way
my life was gonna
end up,
i would have
told you that you
were out of
your fucking mind.
a single father?
a dead wife?
the president of a
non-profit organization in
her
name?
not fathomable.
yet here i am,
and that’s my reality.
thank you to
everyone who worked
so hard to get this
going so quickly.
especially aj.
that guy has
been there for us
every step of
the way.
if you see
him on the
streets of the mpls,
pat him on the
back and then
buy him a beer.
seriously.
let’s hope our 15 mins.
in the spotlight
means a shitload
of donations for
the foundation.
i went to bed
that night,
satisfied that we’ve
created a foundation
that we hope,
will help many,
excited and scared shitless
about the future.
if only
she
were here.
then maybe i
could sit back
and enjoy it,
as we watched
madeline accomplish
some new milestone.
went to sleep
around 1:00 and was
up not long
after that.
maddy was awake
and screaming her
lungs out.
worst crying fit
she has ever had.
why?
stuffy nose.
poor kid could
barely breath.
did everything i
could to calm
her down, but
couldn’t go too
far with her,
’cause i didn’t
want to wake
anyone else up.
this place is silent
at night,
so no one stayed
sleeping for long.
grandma candee
came down to
check on us,
and also did
her best to
work some magic.
still nothing.
i tried to clean
out maddy’s nose,
but the only
thing she hates worse
than a stuffy nose
is me trying to
clean the thing out.
louder crying.
awesome.
it must sound as
if i dropped her
on her head
or something.
shit.
45 mins
later, silence came.
i think she just got
tired and finally
passed out.
awesome.
and me?
well, i couldn’t sleep so
i read.
my eyes closed
sometime around 4:30.
friday.
january 16th.
none of this is happening.
is it?
woke up at
6:00 to
a sleeping baby
and an inbox filled
with e-mails.
amazing e-mails.
other people telling
stories of loss,
sharing inspiration.
it’s overwhelming.
i continued reading
the e-mails and
the comments.
while i waited for maddy
to wake up.
she finally did,
with a giant smile.
amazing, considering the
crying fit she had
last night.
she had a little
breakfast then
we all sat around
and watched her
do this:
she couldn’t get enough
of it and
neither could we.
after the bubbles
we went out
to the beach and
hung out
with some of
the other family members.
we did very little
today, which
was awesome.
eventually deb arrived
with one of
her cousins,
and we played
on the beach.
later, maddy sat on
a beach chair
and smiled for everyone
we played as
the sun set,
i remembered
this moment
like it was yesterday.
after tons
and tons of activity,
we did something
we rarely did…
we sat our asses
on the beach and
didn’t move.
we watched the
sunset behind
us and talked
about a lot
of things.
i suppose
this would have
been a good
time to ask her
to marry me,
this was a year
and half
before we got engaged,
and she would
have to wait
another 16 months,
until june, 2005
when we made it
to kathmandu and
i asked her to
marry me in a spot
that she may
not have had
in mind.
(more on that someday).
but now.
just a few
lots away from
where these
shots were taken,
i stared out toward
the bay where
she first taught
me to snorkel
(yes…she had to teach me to snorkel. that shit is unnatural and i felt like i was gonna drown until she explained that i have to keep the tube above the water line).
and all i could
think about was
one of the
lines from
“what is not but could have been”
indeed.
that night we
went to dinner
with almost
the entire group.
it was great
to catch up
with everyone, and
to share some laughs.
got home early
went to bed
exhausted from
the night before.
hopefully she
gives me a break.
i could really,
really use it.
249 Comments
Maddie is so incredibly beautiful and so are you – for writing this and sharing this…
Did you know you are up for a 2009 Bloggie? You’re up for Most Topical Blog. That’s so exciting!!! I already voted for you, I hope everyone else does because you totally deserve it.
Here’s the link:
http://2009.bloggies.com/
I’m glad you were able to have some laughs mixed in with those tears.
Thanks so much for updating everyone on all your goings on. I look forward to the updates so much. Your doing a great job!
Maddie is so gorgeous. Thank you for sharing with us and allowing us to watch her grow.
Maddie is getting so big! Many hugs to you Matt. I know you’d give it all up to have her here with you, but you’re doing a great job. Looking forward to more updates!
Matt- You are a great dad. Congratulations on the non profit. Liz would be so proud of you …both. I wonder what kind of strength I would have in your situation.. really makes ya think
Best,
Matt-
I haven’t commented for awhile. Health issues myself. Makes one feel thankful when you finally feel “normal” again. I have visit the foundations website! It is awesome! Your heart and your vision to help others is amazing, and is something we should all strive for. What is amazes me is you have been dealt a crappy hand and yet you choose to keep on going and help others in the process. I proud to be a partner with you in your most important life work. It is a hard road, but you are obviously up for the task.
P.S. Maddy looks great! You are a great Dad! I know you can’t hear that enough!
What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your memories.
I love the pic of Madeline sitting on your shoulders – she has a certain look about her, like she is protecting you and daring anyone to come near “her” daddy.
Hope all the media attention gets your foundation a lot of hits!
I absolutely love this blog. The kids I babysit (there are four), lost their mother 2 days after Reagan (the 4th child) was born. I’ve known them since their oldest who is now 14, was 4. So the other three after him have no memories of before me. They’ve come a long way since they lost Tracey. It’ll be 7 years in March. Keep blogging! You’re doing amazing at everything!
Love, Mere
Beautiful shots Matt. Love the bubbles with maddy. So beautiful!
Liz is gorgeous as ever, she walked the beach with you and maddy. I feel her footprints on your photos.
Looks like a great time!
wow the traffic today. Love the bubbles and all the great pictures. She is going to be the most photogenic baby around. Congrats on all the media for the foundation, good work.
You have no idea how much I look forward to your posts. You and Madeline cross my mind a lot since I first started reading the blog. When I watch my 13 month old daughter I think of what you have coming in the next few months with Maddy! Babyproof the house because you have no idea the exhaustion a mobile/walking baby brings!!! Keep being such an awesome dad! Madeline is so lucky to have a super dad like you. You are both in my thoughts and prayers! Thank you for being such an inspiration to us all!
i am constantly humbled by your story matt. i feel like i am living on the flip side, having lost my daughter in childbirth in equally crazy and unfathomable circumtances in august last year. the grief is so heavy, yet we have to keep going for those left around us. you for maddy, me for my husband. i don’t have words to describe how wonderful a father i think you are. i so wish liz was here to watch how wonderful you are with maddy.
the bubble video/pics were such a delight.
both your girls are beautiful and thanks for continuing to share them with us.
sally, melbourne australia
Very glad that AJ worked his magic and the site is back up!
What a beautiful post. I love reading about Liz.
So excited about the foundation and all that is to come.
Truly, ::awesomesauce::
Hugs to you and Maddy.
matt… madeline is soooo beautiful! i love every one of the photos of her. the bubble one is adorable! hang in there, you’re doing great!
The picture of you and Maddie on the beach facing the water is precious!
You are doing an awesome job Matt! Keep up the good work. In many of the photos I could see many resemblences of you in Madeline. Of course she has that priceless momma smile!
I am always amazed by what the “cards” in life bring. You are playing the hell out of the hand you have been given.
Hi Matt, Long time reader first time commenter. I think about you two every day. You are an inspiration to so many. I love watching Madeline grow through your perspective. Keep on keeping on and know you are loved down under as well.
Cheers from Gabi in Australia
Hello from AOL! We’ll be joining your flock of guardian angels that watch over you 24/7. Miss Maddy’s a living doll!
Matt…those pictures of Liz and Maddy are so beautiful…my eyes filled with tears..
Thank you for sharing again…
i check in everyday, and when i logged onto aol. what do i see, maddie’s beautiful face. thankyou for the good you are doing out of a terrible loss. you are a hero to all parents, single or not.
and then,
I cried like a baby.
lovely photos of liz, mat. madeline looks so much like both of you. a true beauty.
Matt~
What a difficult thing to live each day remembering what was…As I read your entries and story it makes me take in each and every day…my second daughter, Kendal, was born on March 30, 2008…so close in age to beautiful Madeline. They are conquering the same milestons together…it’s fun to watch her grow and to see it in your eyes. Keep doing what your doing Matt, living each day and enjoying your beautiful daughter. May God bless you every step of the way. So many are applauding you from afar…for nothing more than your ability to get out of bad each morning and move forward…
beautiful pictures… from the past and from the present.
Maddie is growing so fast! I love the bubble pictures, especially the ones that are focused on the bubbles. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your life so candidly with us. I’ve added the foundation button to my blog. Keep up the great work, Matt!
My heart hurts.
Maddie is just gorgeous. She looks like her momma.
Liz was beautiful. Madeline is beautiful. You’re doing great things as a result of one awful thing. Madeline will love reading every word when she’s older.
The Liz Logelin Foundation makes me proud to be a (stranger) friend. The community that you, that Liz, and that Madeline built here is simply amazing. There is no doubt in my mind that the Foundation will accomplish great things.
Matt, I’ve followed your blog for about 7-8 months now. Your story has touched me deeply. I have cried with you and laughed with you and I watch in amazement at the awesome job you have done raising your daughter all on your own. You truly are an amazing person and an even more amazing father. Maddie is truly lucky to have you and she will forever cherish all the memories you are keeping for her of her mother.
I just wanted to say thank you for being so open and honest with all of us. And by the way, WOW!, Maddie really looks so much like Liz these days….and Liz was absolutely beautiful!!! Good luck with that as she gets older, she’s going to be gorgeous!
Keep up the good work!
I never laugh and cry as hard as I do when I read your blog (and that is an accomplishment because I have a 3 year old that makes me do both a lot).
Thank you for your sweet spirit, your devotion to Liz, and your dedication to Madeline. Certainly makes me appreciate all that I have and reminds me not to take my husband and boys for granted. Love to Madeline – XOXO
awesome pictures as always. she is getting so big!!! i love the look on her face with the bubbles! you are doing a fantastic job dad!!
Hello!! I have been reading your blog for quite a while but haven’t commented. I just wanted to say that I love all the pictures of Maddy. She is adorable. The bubble video is precious. I find myslef looking forward to reading new posts on your blog, please keep at it.
you and your daughter
are an inspiration for all of us
you are an amazing person
for fighting against such pain and suffering.
i check your blog
daily, because you make me
want to believe in god again
though i’m not sure if
after your experiences
you could ever believe in god.
your daughter is the sweetest things
and your photography skills are
astounding.
i have suffered too
and i hope that
like you
i could build happiness from that suffering
and inspire people, too.
Hey Matt,
Beautiful post. So glad the site is back up and running so more people can hear your story and learn about the foundation. Also just have to add how great the photos and captions were for the aol story. L took some unbelievable shots of you guys in the Cancun. Love from the Mpls.
Your blog is so inspiring, and I love how frank it is. It makes me appreciate thing people I have in my life so much more reading what you have written. I love the pictures…it really gives insight into what your life is like. Thank you!
I am totally loving all Maddelyn’s facial expressions! She is growing so quickly! And by far one of the most beautiful babies Ive ever seen!
It looks like a great trip. I hope you got some R&R that you needed SO BADLY! I can’t wait for more updates! And, glad yall made it home ok!
I love the bubble pictures…when they are just so excited to see something and reach out as far as then can and then “pop”…too precious. Beautiful photos as always…of Liz and Madeline.
Congrats on the non-profit.
Maddy is cute with her bubbles.
I look forward to the shots and stories about Liz that you slip in here and there…
Great post. Thanks for catching us up. Awesome pics as usual. Hint: try the bubble blowing sometime during a bath. My kids loved it!!!! Give Miss M a big hug from us.
Love the pictures. Thanks for the update. Madeline is so beautiful. I voted for you in the Weblog Awards. Good luck!
I love the pic of you and Maddie facing the water… You’re doing a great job, Matt! Keep up the good work!
Matt,
I happened upon your blog via a link from a friend’s blog. I wanted to let you know how deeply touched I am by your tremendous courage and determination to live your life the way Liz would have wanted you to, to raise your adorable daughter in the best possible way, and to promote awareness for the foundation created in your wife’s memory – so that others going through what you are going through may find their struggles lightened.
A good friend’s good friend, Tricia, also recently passed away. She had just finished law school, gotten married, had a kid – and was diagnosed wtih metastasized cancer shortly after running a marathon. She died when she was 30 years old. Her friends also started a foundation to help promote awareness of her illness (www.tebstroops.org) and on the site there’s a link to Tricia’s blog (www.tebspage.blogspot.com). Though she started it to share pictures of their new baby with the family, it became a chronicle of her life as a 29-year-old woman with a terminal illness. It also serves as a wonderful tribute to her positive and uplifting perspectives on life, though she knew her remaining days were short, and that her husband and son would live the rest of their lives with only her memory.
Matt, you and Madeline are frequently in my thoughts, though I’ve never met you. Keep up the great work on your blog – one day it’ll mean the world to Madeline to read such a beautiful tribute to her wonderful and loving mom.
Your memories and pictures are healing Matt, and we all appreciate you sharing them. I’m sure they’re hard though. Maddie is the spitting image of her mom, gorgeous!
Matt: As you can see from the article on AOL most of the comments are positive. I should say all of the comments except #69 are positive. I think it was kind of stupid for the article to ask if you were getting too much attention because single mothers raise children all the time. I think the person who wrote their comment (#69) is a fuckin idiot. I think what you are doing for yourself and Maddy is great. I know that this person has never suffered a loss like you did when Liz died. In my heart i don’t believe that there is any loss greater than the one you suffered that day. They always say the loss of a child is the worst and I have never lost a child thank god, but what happened to you and your family in those 27 hours were to me as bad as it can get. You go from the happiest person on earth to the worst pain you can imagine. I know this because my wife died on June 13th, 2008 only hours after my daughter was born. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. (At times I still do) How could I go on? How would I take care of this baby? How can I be happy without Jackie. And you know as well as I do it is not easy. At time I want to scream “WHY, WHY me” I commend you for opening up your life for all to see. There are always going to be people who say stupid things in this world but thank god for all the other great people who are there to help when you need it. My sister has been talking about your blog now since she saw you in people I thought it was time I checked you out. From a father who has been where you have I feel your pain.
Jim
I am taking my daughter to a resort in Puerto Rico soon, it was the last place her mom and I went before she was born we were all going back there in November for Thanksgiving but I couldn’t get myself to go, I AM GOING THIS TIME.
What an awesome post…those photos that flash back break my heart. Thank you for being strong enough to share with us. And the bubbles? PRICELESS!
Sorry I got so into what I was thinking that I forgot to comment on your daughter. She is beautiful, she looks alot like your wife. Your pictures are great
thank you for sharing your story. maddie is beautiful. i love those bubble pictures she is so full of life. i also like the one where she is trying to play the guitar. she is a lil musician
Thanks for sharing your life with the us. It’s coming up on a year since I found your blog and every time I read it pulls me in. Maddie is such a gorgeous little girl and you are doing the most amazing job. My husband says, “If you’re ever in Seattle I wanna you a beer.”
Matt, Beautiful pics of Maddy and Liz. Now you will make new memories with Maddy. I’m always so excited to read and then I get the goose bumps and the tears. I can’t wait to read about how you propsed to Liz in Kathmandu.
Tears, tears and more tears.
She’ s is beautiful and your Maddy is too. I wish she was here. I am sorry Matt.
Love to you all,
CArly Perth Australia
Your strength in a difficult time. GIves me strength in mine.
Thank you…
I love to see the pictures of Liz. I think one day when Maddie looks back on all of this she will be glad to. To know you took her to the places that her mom loved. Darn she looks like her momma. They are both beautiful.
Good Job Daddy.
Matt, I think it’s so fucking awesome and poetic that Maddy can be connected to her mom through travel. Her whole life she can get to know her mom by retracing her steps around the world. That’s rad.
Thanks for sharing your beautiful memories of Liz. Looking at the fun holiday snaps reminded me of the trips i’ve taken, and have (too many times) been a total a-hole. Liz’s smile makes me want to be a better girlfriend. Thank you Matt
One could only hope that in this mad crazy world that they could be loved as much as you loved your wife and as much as you now love your little girl! Your just too precious! I’m waiting for the moment when they give you a movie deal. You can’t make up this shit! It sucks to loose someone, and I’ve lost, so I know.
Hi Matt,
Your blog really is a nice circle of healing. It helps you to write it and your readers are being helped by reading it. How’s that for circle of life?
I’m so glad you post old pics of Liz from time to time. It’s like seeing an old friend again and it’s always amazing to see how much Madeline looks like Liz. Warms my heart but pulls on my heartstrings all at the same time.
Also, I’m glad you’re making the effort to visit places you went to with Liz and aren’t avoiding them. Because when you go back there the next time, you’ll have your new memories to mix in. The memories of Madeline being there with you too…crying fits and all
P (PS) Maybe I’m a mean mom but when my kids would get stuffy noses and didn’t know how to blow them yet, I’d let them sniff some pepper therefore making them sneeze. That way I could clear out all the gunk. Worked like a charm most of the time 
)
I still haven’t seen the People article yet…hard to find in Germany, but I hope the press from it brings you a lot of donations to the Liz site! I would love to see other people like your friend Jackie in Canada benefitting from it. She’s also an incredible woman.
New to your blog but absolutely captivated. I’ve cried all night and can’t sleep. You’re strength is an inspiration. Keep up the great work!
Also, nice taste in music. The latest Animal Collective is the best new music I’ve heard in a long time. I’d say take Madeline to their concert but the 2 hours of strobe lights might not be too great for a 9 month old.
Thank you for sharing and stay strong.
Loved all the photos of Liz in this post. She was tremendously beautiful.
oh, and i about wet myself with the ‘learning to snorkle’ seriously hilarious.
give that gorgeous baby some lovin from us!
you doing GREAT!
Hola Matt!
Buen dia
A touching post with lovely memories and beautiful pics!.
I’ll never get tired of saying….YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!
Hooray to AJ!
Wishing you and Maddy an amazing weekend!
besos y abrazos
Sol
The bubble pictures are fantastic, Matt. I remember blowing bubbles for my son when he was around the same age. To watch the amazement in their eyes is truly a sight to behold.
Great post. Your strength is enduring. I’m very much hoping that the Foundation does well because of People and AOL. Fingers crossed.
So glad to see an update. I check everyday.
Maddie is gettin’ so big. *smiles* She’s just a beautiful little girl, Matt. You’re doing a wonderful job w/her. I loved hearing her say “ma ma ma” in that video. I thought that was just precious, and heartbreaking all in the same breath.
I am honoured to share in this with you. It’s so hard to believe that in a couple short months, that little angel of yours will turn 1. Amazing to think about. Keep on keepin’ on, Matt. You’re doing a wonderful job. Maddie will thank you some day, I just know it.
Liz was so incredible beautiful and Maddy is looking more like her everyday. I absolutlely love watching her grow and reading your blog. The bubbles video was nothing but awesome! You are doing a an amazing job Matt I hope your foundation does extrememly well with all the media attention. Big Hugs to you and Madeline, thank you so much for sharing your journey with the world!
hi matt. Thanks for giving us an update again on how you and maddy are doing. your post is one of the things i look forward to everyday. anyway, thanks for sharing some memories of liz. she’s a really, really beautiful and radiant woman. it just sucks to know that all you’re left with are just memories and photographs of her and of places you’ve been to with her. and maddy, she’s just so adorable, as always. great job, daddy matt.
oh and, ive already voted. you really deserve to win. your blog is one of the most beautiful and heartwarming blog ive read my whole life.
I wish you and Madeleine (and your families) much love and happiness, always. Unfortunately, our commonality is loss, but I don’t have the courage to share my story with the world. Your story has made me laugh and cry. Thank you for sharing it.
Maddy is getting so big. I just read through your entire blog the past couple of weeks and it’s like she grew up right before my eyes. She’s beautiful.
Another touching post. Your strength and endurance amazes me Matt! Thanks for posting the pics of Liz. She was stunning.
Dear Matt
I have just heard of you and your story buddy I’m so, Sorry for your Lost I’m a single male s[, I have No idea what it must be like for you bud. I know but, your in my thoughts and Prayers, your story has toched me Matt and I Lok forward to your updates LoL and Many Many Hugs!! Good Luck on logger of the year bud. Donnie
Maddie is such a beautiful little girl and you are doing such a fabulous job with her. I can never see babies and bubble without thinking about how my oldest would eat them.
What beautiful photos. The one of you and Maddy on the beach and then followed by you and Liz… Those touched me the most. There’s so much from your post that I feel. Some days, I feel so alone and today, although I’m sad you do feel things you feel, it was comforting to know I wasn’t by myself in this world of unbelief.
Liz is so beautiful. I know she would be so proud of you for taking care of Maddie and for heading up the foundation and for basically trying to do the best with what you’ve been dealt. And you are doing a fantastic job, even if it feels awful half the time.
Madeline is so darn cute. My little one loved watching her with the bubbles.
Liz is beautiful. It was great and sad to see her pictures. HUGS!
I admire you so much Matt for being such a great father to Maddy during this difficult time in your life. The pictures of her in the bonnet on the beach are so precious!
The ones of Liz are gorgeous as well. I really enjoy when you post pictures of her. She was a beautiful woman.
i’m a new reader & i have to say, your story is absolutely heartbreaking. I am a post c-section blood clot survivor so this hits home hard for me.
i love what you are doing for Maddy, you can tell in the pictures that you are her world! she will totally appreciate this documentation when she gets older.
having the pictures of Liz mixed in w/ present day you & Maddy gives me the sense of her being there with you guys. she is.
p.s. i gave you a shout-out on my blog
)
Matt,
The People article was fantastic, and I know you will help many. This post is so bittersweet with all of the photos of LIz mixed in. I can’t imagine how difficult this trip really was. Maddy is lucky to have one of the best damn dads in the world!
I have followed your blog from the beginning. I can’t believe how big Maddy is getting. You are doing a fantastic job raising her Matt.
great post Matt. It’s great you’re getting the publicity. The Liz Logelin Foundation will greatly benefit many spouses and children, because of you, Liz and Madeline. It’s not the way you pictured your life and I’m sure all of us would do anything to bring Liz back to you, but you are doing the best things possible to honor her memory. Madeline is lucky to have a father as wonderful as you.
I often wonder if Liz looks over your shoulder at the pictures you put on here of her and says “No!! not that one!!” or “aww I remember that day!”
hugs from NJ,
erica and Landon
Love this post. Those pictures of Liz interspersed with the pictures of you and Maddy in the same locations really made me so sad. What is not but could have been. Hoping you had a nice vacation.
suzi @
Pink Vanilla Cupcakes
Aww what a post! Now, I’m getting all sentimental. Maddie is getting so big. You’re doing an Awesome Job!
Matt,
I’ve been reading for sometime now.
I don’t think I’ve ever commented.
I wanted to be another person to say that you are doing such a great job with everything your doing.
HUGE pat on the back to you & AJ for making the foundation happen.
I was so glad when the People article came out. Now my husband can read & see exactly what I’m talking about when I say Matt & Maddy.
Again – good job Matt!
And Maddy – she is such a cutie!
i don’t know what it must be like to revisit memories for you.
however, i think that some day, when she is older, madeline will look at these pictures and appreciate the fact that she shared space with liz, even if not in the actual moment.
“that shit is unnatural” – Ha! I feel that way about SCUBA. I love Maddy’s bonnet. Have fun at the concert!
Matt, Since I have been here since April, I am in awe of how this has transpired, how you have grown, and are giving back. I know I have said before how proud Liz’s family must be to have you as their son, but also how blessed they are to have you as the father of their granddaughter. I wish I never “knew” you, but I think life has great things in store for you and Maddy. Curve balls are hard to hit, but I have a feeling you may take this life of yours and make it a grand slam. Take care,
That video is awesome – she is so adorable. Looks like she enjoyed the beach! I am sure it was tough to visit a place that held so many memories for you & Liz. It’s very brave of you to do that.
You are doing an awesome job!
It’s been awhile since I commented but today really moved me to tears. I’m still so sorry.
My Dad was also a single Dad, raising my brother and I. Thank you so much for speaking out on the behalf of all the men out there who have raised children by themselves. I just know that a man who hasn’t been that involved in their child’s life will be inspired by the dedication of great men like you – and my Dad.
Actually, I always think of you and Liz when I hear “What is Not But Could Be If.” Man.
So awesome and so sad all at the same time. Good to see you back up and running (kudos to AJ, I’ll but him a beer!). Loved Maddy and the bubbles, and all the giggles in the background. Have fun this weekend!
I don’t know what to say; I have a lump in my throat trying to say it. And it prevents my fingers from typing it out accurately. *sigh*
Wow… Matt, you honor Liz’s memory by doing this. If I may add… Like you, I am NOT that religious and, worry not (!), I’m not some sort of freak either! But I have discovered since the death of my wonderful father in early ‘07, that our loved ones do indeed “live” on in spirit, and if (or, in your case, WHEN you are able to, because you’re so busy with Maddy right now) you look and listen, not only with your physical eyes and ears, but with your heart, you WILL find that Liz will drop you a “hello” now and then. The “hello” might come as blatantly as a dream, or it may also come in a very strange way or manner, but you will instinctively know that it’s her. My best wishes to you, Maddy, and all who were (and will continue to be) touched by the life of Liz…
Thanks again for sharing with us….Maddie is so beautiful…and you are an amazing father Matt…I read your article in People and began to follow your blog..your inspiring to many including me…I will continue to keep you and Maddie in my prayers and thoughts.
Love the pictures of Liz. She’s just stunning and I’m glad you are sharing more and more of her lately.
Longtime creeper here-Ah Playa! My husband and I vacationed there BK (before Kiddos) -your pics brought it back-my youngest, Lillian, is the exact same age as Madeline-i’m thinking a trip to playa is in order soon! Madeline looks soooooo happy!!!
The site looks great, both do. I was glad to find the Foundation on Facebook as well. When I have a few extra $$ I am going to send it that way. How is it possible to have your heart break and filled with such love at the same time?
What a fantastic vacation, what a beautiful spot. What an amazing place to celebrate her life, and her foundation.
Matt ~ you are wonderful. Maddy is beautiful…..so is Liz. I love seeing all your photos. You’re the first blog I check on every morning.
Love and Hugs to you ~ from one of your creepy followers=)
Lorena from Kansas
Thank you. You are brave to be able to go back to those special places. I ha ve tried also, but it is a ‘no go’. My situation is so different though, but yet similar. Your daughter is beautiful and I am sure many of us observing your site, see in her a ‘hope’, but not just for her, but for you and for those who contribute with their emails.
Now that you’re all famous and shit, you better remember us creeps! I’m sorry that Mexico is causing all these conflicting emotions in you. I can’t imagine how tough it has to be just trying to keep on every day. You really are amazing. And I cannot wait until June, when we visit the CA and I can squish Madeline up in person!
I love you two so much.
Matt,
Mexico looks beautiful! I am glad you and Maddy had fun despite all the painful memories. Thanks for sharing all those wonderful pictures of Liz. I loved looking at them all. The bubbles pics were great! My Anna loves bubbles too!
Awesome as always!! I can feel the warmth of the sun!!! (I really wish it was warm here!!)
Beautiful pictures as always
Wow…. lovely stories and photographs of some amazing people. I see so much of Liz in Madeline.. especially in the profile shots.
I think that the “Madeline in the beach chair” photo is one of my all-time favorites of her.
You are such a good daddy.
I love the pictures, and the ones of liz. The bubble pics and video were awesome too. Glad to know your trip went well with Maddy.
MAN that is a cute baby girl. She’s just so content and smooshy and joyful. You’re an awesome daddy.
Matt,
I was craking the fuck and while watching and REwatching Maddie straight DROP her toy and lunge for the bubbles on that video. So adorable.
I’m a long time reader and today I was astounded by how much Maddie looks like her Mom. Awesome.
Your blog posts are poetry, a love letter to your Liz and the daughter you share. The pictures are breathtaking, of both of them. Thank you so much for sharing, you are an inspiration.
Loved the photos of Liz, so pretty. Great bubble pictures, Madeline is too adorable. Keep it up!!!
Matt, I have been reading for a while but this is my first time to leave a comment. I just wanted to let you know you’re doing a great job with Maddy! She is so beautiful and very lucky to have a daddy that loves and cherishes her so much and cherished her mommy so much! May God continue to give you strength so that you are able to face each day and raise dear Maddy that best you can!
Matt,
I’ve been following your blog for some time now; I discovered it around the time my daughter was born in September.
I know you hear this all the time, but I figure you deserve to hear it as often as possible: You are such an inspiration, and such a wonderful father to Maddy. You really are making the best of things and Maddy is thriving as a result. Kudos to you.
This might be one of my favorite posts, ever. A perfect induction for the new arrivals.
I’m so proud of you and your family… I know people who are much more miserable who have endured much less. (You know the kind I mean.)
Awesome pix, too. Really makes me wanna go to the mejico! Somebody needs to hire you as a travel photog.
xoxoxoxo
Damn it Matt, life is so fucking unfair! Madeline is beautiful! I am reading this as my daughter is napping…all I can think about is that Liz should be with you and we should not know you in this way! Thank you for sharing!
Have a good weekend and I hope you feel the warmth of the sun on your face and peace in your heart!
I loved this entry, Matt. I love seeing the pictures of Liz in a place you loved so very much. I’ve always come to the conclusion that you loved most places as long as your Liz was with you. It’s pretty obvious. Sharing it now with Madeline is heart-warming. You’re good people, Matt (even if you can sometimes be an asshole — YOUR words!!!
)
I’m so honored to be a part of Liz’s foundation and I look forward to seeing this thing grow from the ground up to selflessly help others. Now….if any snails show up in your mailbox…. it’s probably me. LMAO!!!
Amazing story, very sad too. I wish you really would write in paragraphs than 3 words down each side. It is soooooooooo hard to read and hard on people’s eyes. Would it be possible to write it more readable? Thank you and best wishes for yours and maddies future.
Matt I just wanted to let you know that everytime I turn on my mac and click on Matt on my bookmark page and see a new post my heart overflows. I work at a little store and a women came in and started talking to me about how she lost her husband a year and a half ago – I sent her to your blog and tears rolled down her face. Yesterday my parents neighbor died. Cancer. 34. Two liitle kids and a wife. I know you will help them too. Thank you for keeping it real so that others can too.
I have to say that as I read your update today, that it actually makes me laugh out loud that you have to put the “disclaimer” on here……the whole be warned of my language thing. Who in there right mind would even bring such a thing to your attention?!? I know you have had comments on this before as did preperation H for “use only on external, not to be ingested” becasue somewhere along the line some dumb ass tried to swallow it! This is YOUR life! Write about it however you want! I as well as others have a choice in what we read….if the dont like it…they dont have to read it! You are an amazing person….father…brother…son…who unfortunately has to take a wonderful journey….without the love of his life! Keep up the good work Matt! You are in THOUSANDS of people’s prayers!
I read here often, but rarely post. It’s been quite a while since I have actually, but I wanted to say that it’s just beautiful how much she has grown
You’re doing such an amazing job.
Absolute wonderful pictures. The ones of you and Maddy and the ones of Liz. It sometimes sucks to go back (either by choice or chance) to a place that holds such strong memories, but now new memories will be made there. Maddy will have pictures to hang on her wall of all the places her and daddy went and you’ll have some good memories to ease the hurt in the other. Thanks for sharing all theses pictures and feelings with us. Bet you didn’t ever think you’d have so many strangers/friends!
Hey Matt, sounds like an awesome trip… I can’t imagine having to deal with the memories and fight them at the same time.
I’ve been following your blog since probably July last year. I think it’s amazing what you have done with the foundation, and will be making a donation to honor Liz, but to also honor you and Madeline. You are a WONDERFUL father and Madeline is a gorgeous miracle baby.
P.S. – I’m a children’s photog in Bham, AL and shoot Nikon. I have a 16 month old daughter. So if you ever happen to be in the south, a play date would be great and I’ll shoot you and Maddie!
AJ is indeed awesome. Love the foundation site and glad his magical fingers got your site up and running again.
Have a wonderful time this weekend! So looking forward to your pics.
GO PORK!
My, I see where Madeline gets her beauty from! What beautiful pictures, thank you for sharing.
Congratulations on the article in People. I couldn’t wait to read it.
Lots of love to you and your family.
Love seeing all your memories…so beautiful. Sending love your way!
I think it is beautiful that you get to take your little Maddy to see where you shared special moments with her mother. I love seeing your photos. ((Hugs))
I love Maddy’s hat!! The picture of her smiling to everyone is just precious! Looks like you had fun in Mexico!!!!
Matt – What a wonderful post – so many memories and beautiful pictures of Liz and now pics of Maddy.
I continued to be inspired by your poise, determination and love for your girls.
I started reading your blog about a week ago!! I must say that you are one strong man…dealing with everything that you have dealt with. I did email you and offer some parenting tips.
I love your pictures and Maddy is just adorable as ever! Glad you were able to have these pictures for her to have tons of memories!
Humidifiers work wonders for stuffy noses and if you can’t get a hold of one go into the bathroom and run a hot shower. Also, now that she’s starting to crawl, you’ll have to ditch the skirts and dresses until she’s on her feet. Just watching my daughter’s frustration when trying to crawl in a dress convinced me, and Maddy’ll be walking before you know it. It’s wonderful to have a walker, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. You’re doing a great job.
“Jill” is back??? Complaining more about how your writing style displeases her??? That’s fucking hysterical!
Have a great time at the concert, Matt! And please come back with photos of both stalagmites and stalagtites, with an explanation of the difference. I never could keep that straight.
I read your article in People and was totally captivated. I cannot imagine what you have lived the past 10 months and I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t know you but I can see the love you have for Liz and Maddy and it makes me smile. Maddy is so beautiful, she looks so much like her mother. Thank you for sharing your lives with us!
Don’t listen to “Jill.” Your writing style rocks. Just like you and Maddy do.
Like so many others I felt emotional seeing pictures of Liz interspersed with pictures of Madeline and her entourage. It hit me with great force how fucking unfair (I don’t usually use that word, but it IS apt and the word unfair by itself does not do justice) it really is. At the same time I LOVED seeing pictures of her, particularly the ones where she was looking out, presumably at the ocean. Somehow I felt as if she were indeed there with you, watching Madeline and all these first experiences. I am not a spiritual person but that was just my emotional response to seeing her “there”. I am so inspired by what you are doing for others in the midst of your own grief.
Try giving her some apples and carrots using that mesh netting she has, she will love it, and it is less messy than the bananas. Yes, like Jen says, humidifiers are wonderful for dry weather and stuffy noses, don’t abuse it though, make sure you change the water everynight and check the filter. I’m glad you had a nice trip, I’m looking forward to your next update. Maddy is so so beautiful. You are doing an awesome job, you can tell, you are taking good care of her.
Matt ~ You are giving your daughter such an amazing gift with this foundation, blogging, photography and travel that you do. You are showing her how very loved and wanted she always was and what a beautiful relationship she was conceived from. She will know what an inspiration her mom was and what a strong, devoted father she has. You know, they say that little girls always look for and marry someone like their daddy. Maddy is sure going to have to search far and wide to find a man like you for her future husband….some pretty big shoes to fill.
Thank you for sharing her and all of this with all of us. I’m amazed every day at your strength and devotion….
Ugh, Jill needs to get over it. If you don’t like the writing style then don’t fucking read it. Sorry, Matt had to defend my favorite blog. You don’t have to approve this if you don’t want too.
Matt – what a wonderful post! Thanks so much for sharing your life with us. You’re doing an awesome job with Maddy – Liz is so very proud of both of you.
I just read through every entry that you have on this site and I am completely moved. The love and support that Madeline has is amazing. She is a BEAUTIFUL and happy child. Keep up everything your doing and keep give Madeline the best gift anyone can receive….love.
bubbles can lend hours of endless fascination for both baby and you. amazing pictures – madeline’s eyes are gorgeous.
i read your story in people magazine and was hooked. kudos to you on the great job you’re doing!
i’m not very computer savvy and can’t navigate your site anymore. i’ve lost the little calendar that’s usually down the page a bit? help………….
Madeline is a spitting image of her mother. Both very beautiful! My daughter loved bubbles at that age and still does at the age of two!! It helps that our jack russels like them as well!
I really enjoy reading your blog. Thank you for sharing these private moments with all of us!
Ah, *Jill* is back..sigh, I can not for the life of me understand some people. Very sad, indeed.
as always, you are doing an amazing job. loved this entry. maddy is adorable as usual and liz is so fucking beautiful.
have a good weekend!
Here’s what I’m thinking. If people want some say in your writing style, let them sponsor an entry. Make a $1,000 donation to the foundation, and then if they want you to write in Haikus or Pig Latin or Wingdings for an entry, you do.
Or, we just kindly ask the asshats to refrain from wasting your time. Either way.
I see so much more of your beautiful Liz in Madeline in these pictures.
Shes a growin’!
great pictures.. and you are such a great dad. its a lot of work just to get my kid outa the house let alone this state. haha.
I recently stumbled on your site while voting for the Bloggies and I have been reading ALL of the old posts…I was only up to September when they were deleted (I guess) for volume of new fans! I love your site AND your writing style. It is as if it is a poem about you and all of those around you. I have been drawn into your lives by your honesty and beautiful photography! God bless you for all of those you have touched by sharing your joys and sorrows in such a public way.
P.S. Your robot is, by far, the coolest thing I have ever seen!!!
Seriously? Someone had the nerve to comment on your writing style? People never cease to amaze me. Wow. Just wow.
Thanks for sharing the details of your trip with us! Sounds like you and Maddy had a wonderful time with family. Liz is so beautiful. I’m so happy that you’re not allowing your grief to keep you from making more memories with Maddy. That girl is going to be a world traveler by the time she’s 5! I think that’s awesome.
Much love to you and Maddy!
PS- Why are some of the names in red now?
They grow up so fast- she will be in kindergarten before you know blink twice. Enjoy these sweet baby days.
Stay strong. Maddie’s smiles says it all.
I’ve found my way here thanks to the People article. I was so touched by your story, and have continued to be amazed (sometimes to tears) at your honesty, and the strength you have to share it with anyone who wishes to read.
I’ve also found some connection as you’re from the MN as well, and I can not wait to someday make my way to the LA in the future.
Stay strong, Matt & Madeline! I’m rooting for you!
Man, Madeline is so lucky to have you.
Your story about the plugged nose made me cringe because I have so been there. Buy the nosefrida. It’s gross and disgusting but you won’t believe how much snot you will get out of her nose.
LOVING the bubbles video. Priceless!!!
Also…write YOUR blog however YOU want…screw anyone who doesn’t like your writing style (I think its fucking awesome and unique).
Hugs to you and Madeline.
Agreed. Snorkeling IS unnatural and, I too, almost drowned. I had to be towed back to shore, hanging on for dear life onto one of my husband’s flippers. Snorkeling + Wind = tube under water and sticking the side of your face out of the water and gasping for air. Goddamn tube!
I LOVE all the pics…beautiful. Keep it up, you’re awesome. <3 <3
Maddy is just beautiful and you don’t have a thing to worry about as far as picking out outfits. She looks adorable.
As always a heart warming, heart breaking post. You are an amazing parent – what a lucky little beauty Maddy is to be surrounded by such love (with a healthy dose of cool!).
Boo to the haters who can’t appreciate your style. You rock!
I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear one. Your daughter is darling and will carry you from day to day (even in the exhaustion.) Is the picture near the post box from Monticello? I drove by many times from college at SCSU in the 80’s. Blessings.
Asalamu Alaykom Mr. Matt,
Thank you for continuing to share, even if the circle enlarges, the core remains the same. I don’t mean the core readers. I mean the family of you, Your Liz, and Miss Madeline.
This post was easier to read than it was to view. Subhanallah! Your Liz! Mashahallah. I didn’t like seeing pictures of her this time. It’s always been hard to see her glowing intersperced with words of grief and loss. Today…I don’t know…but it was harder.
Maybe it’s where I am in life. I’m hoping right now. I’m hoping that life really can get back on track for me. Seeing Your Liz’s picture reminds me that life really is very unpredictable and often too short.
Ya, that line about you not being able to envision this moment of Mexico sin su esposa, of People Mag., and of the Foundation…you know? It’s absolutely true that none of us could have guessed the twists and turns of our lives. If we HAD been told, we would have gone insane with the knowledge. Alhumdulillah, we never knew. As for the future? Oh, ya. There’s more ahead. We can hope for what we want but we need to trust that whatever happens will be for our betterment—even the sucky stuff.
So enjoy bubbles and babies and let it unfold.
What a wonderful
thing it is to be unique.
Your writing style
is your own
and the way
you do it
is your business.
I love it.
Screw people
who would like
everyone to conform
to be the same.
Awesome dad,
amazing photos,
kick ass writing.
hey matt!! haven’t commented in a while, but of course i’m still reading!!
lovelovelove the pics. still can’t believe maddy is so big already!!
i’m w/ becky on having sponsors for your writing style…..or else having the asshats take a hike. i’m good with either!!
((hugs from milaca))
and jill—could you PUH-LEASE at least learn how to spell maddy’s name correctly?
Can I just say that I am ultra impressed that you put bows in Madeline’s hair! My husband wouldn’t know the first thing about clipping a bow in a little girls hair =)
I love the pictures with the bubbles. And the one where she is sitting on the chair in the hat! She is so photogenic!
I hope she gave you a break and you got some rest.
Hey Matt,
Keep writing. We’ll keep reading!
Maddy melts us, and you inspire us.
You care so much! LOVE so much.
Those flashbacks of Liz in the photos,
wow. You are on an amazing
journey my friend.
Know many are there for u!
You are doing great!
“What is not but could have been”
Wow. I know that all too well.
Maddy is looking more and more like her Mom as she gets older. Pretty girl.
MAtt,
You are awesome! Thanks so much for sharing everything! Always thinking of you and Maddy!
Take care,
Debbie
Ps Fuck off “Carol”
I’ve been a reader since Maddy was tiny. When I first heard your story, the tragedy of it touched my heart. What inspires me now, though, is how much Maddy is loved. It’s amazing to think about how she’ll read this some day and see that. Your love for her is all over everything you write.
p.s. I meant to include your ‘love of Liz’ in the ‘what inspires me now’ part of my comment. Assume that I meant your love for Maddy and your love for Liz as being tied up in one big bundle.
What I love most about your blog is how real you are. Authentic. What an amazing gift Maddy has in you, and you in her. Blessings on your journey!
Madeline is more beautiful with every picture! She’s getting so big. And I love seeing and hearing the stories of Liz. You’re doing a great job as always!!! Btw, I can’t believe People Mag and now AOL! WOW!
Christine D.
Your entries always take me from smiles to tears in the matter of seconds. But the end of this one was extra powerful.
You, Madeline, & Liz remain in my thoughts. Thanks for being an open book in spite of your newly found “fame.”
I sometimes wish I had taken more photo’s, but often am glad I don’t have them to look at, and bring back the pain. You again are a bigger man than me, no way I could be back there. I some how managed to visit a friends fiancee in ICU for about 4 minutes but couldn’t look at her. No way could I spend a week in a vacation place. If I could of done it, I would of moved and gotten a new car, new everything. I still want to get the F outta D, because I dont see myself ever being happy here, to many thngs tying to the past. Stay strong man……I will keep checking back on ya and Maddy.
Thanks for sharing more pictures of Liz. For sure she was an amazing person, joyful all the time (well except for the robot incident
. Love her T-shirt SOME WOMEN ARE BORN TO BE WINNERS and she was right. Maddy is one of them.
Congrats on all the good stuff. I did buy the magazine I had to have it even though we know a lot more that the article can say.
Con carino
Liliana
congrats on everything going well in your life…maddy is getting so big!!! what a beautiful baby. u know liz was with you and your family every step of the way on your vacation to mexico. good luck with everything yet to come in your and maddys life.
p.s mady wa adorable playing with those bubbles, you can just look at her and see how happy she is, your doing a great job raising her…keep up the good work!
Maddy and the bubbles were a hoot! She is getting prettier and prettier by the updates. Hope you had a good time in Mexico, well as good as it could be. Take care.
My 3-year old loves to look at “her friend Maddy” photos on your site. She has looked over my shoulder so many times as I have been checking in on the two of you. I can tell you that Maddy only gets cuter and cuter. You’re doing an amazing job. Probably not the journey you ever expected, but we appreciate that you own it and share it with us.
This is my first post, but I read often and send others your way. Maddy is beautiful, your pictures are spectacular, and you are a wonderful dad. She is so very lucky. I have a daughter Maddy’s age. You are doing a wonderful thing for your wife’s memory… I always look forward to your posts.
Hey Matt,
Long story/comment here, so bare with me… I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time and have never commented for fear of whatever… anyway, I found you from a friend’s blog here in Salt Lake City (Sarah Nielson)… you left your blog info in one of her comments once, and I’ve been an avid reader ever since. A few days after that, I caught you on Chrissy’s Storked! blog, and was shocked to see you there, too. Needless to say, the People magazine article caught my eye, as well as an aol ad yesterday (I don’t even use aol… just sat down with my 8 year old niece to show her how to email). So that is the very long, drawn out story as to how I got here, and although there is really no point to the story, I just want to tell you that I’ve read your blog for a long time now and think you are an amazing husband and father. Each posting always brings both tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. Madeline is such a doll- spitting image of Liz! I know Liz is proud of you for being such an amazing dad, and I hope you realize how awesome of a job you are doing. You are so strong, and truly an inspiration to others who may be in a similar situation. Thank you for sharing your story with us and for making me want to be a better person and cherish all the time I have here with my husband. You are awesome!
Your daughter is beautiful just like her mommy.
Hi Matt and beautiful little Madeline
I read your story today in an Australian magazine and was in tears by the end of it. I had to log on and read some more about your journey. To be able to carry on and look after Madeline while going through that sort of grief is nothing short of amazing. I loved reading the posts and looking at the beautiful photos of you, Liz and Madeline. The strength of the human spirit is astounding to me and I know you must be helping so many others by sharing your story with us all. I am going to be a regular reader of your blog from now on.Your daughter is adorable and I know that there will be alot of Aussies thinking about you tonight. It really puts life into perspective and makes you appreciate what you have.It can be taken so quickly.
Best wishes, big hugs to you both..xx
Those two girls just look so much alike.
A living breathing photograph.
@ “Jill” LOL you complain about Matt’s writing style yet you didn’t even form complete sentences or use proper punctuations. You missed a word in the first sentence and it would be Maddie’S future not maddies. So get off your high and mighty horse and eat dirt.
@ Matt – hope you’re having fun!!
hugs from NJ
erica and Landon
This isn’t really about the last post, but I couldn’t help but notice what you said about people crtiticising your writing style. Hello, it’s a blog. You’re not supposed to have to use an “appropriate” writing style and/or watch your language. Sounds idiotic to me!
hey matt:
when you have a chance. i think this family might be able to use your help.
http://half12.blogspot.com/
hugs from NJ,
erica and Landon
i love love LOVE the pictures of Liz. man waht a pretty girl. so glad that you posted one so that i knew what her shirt said. what a riot.
Maddy is getting cuter and cuter every day which i did not think was possible. i loved the People article and i loved the story on the local news here in the Mn.
I love the picture of you and Maddy on the beach. Such a wonderful picture to have. I can imagine that the trip has been hard, and healing at the same time.
I just started reading your blog the day the People article was published. I understand your pain and that place of sadness. On July 27, 2007, I had breakfast with my mom. A few hours later, I went to wake her up for lunch. Her body was cold as ice. God had taken her and all that I knew about this life, from me. I wake up every morning missing her. I just got engaged and she’s not here to share in this moment. The pain never ceases. We just learn to deal with it and still maintain our lives. I’ll be praying for you and Maddy. She is so beautiful. Looks exactly like her mom.
thank you for reminding me with every update that there are good guys out there and that true love really does exist
I’m not sure how I came across your blog. I read this with misted tears, smiles, sadness, joy…all the ethereal emotions that come with that little child, you and the beauty of liz’s legacy..it’s all here. That depth of love between father and child is a lifetime accomplishment, one I do believe your going to excel at. In those moments of teenage angst, somehow I think there will be a smile playing in between the because I said so, she’s going to take after you in so many ways.
Yeah, it’s a lot to see out of one entry. I do believe it’s pretty close though…I will definitely be back to continue watching this journey unfold. In friendship always…(Hugs) Indigo
* I wasn’t sure about leaving a comment, then I thought of all my readers that question if they should, because they feel perhaps someone may of said it already…in the end, one more understanding voice prompted me to do so. Indy
Matt-
I came across your blog for the first time today. I wanted to let you know that you have made me want to become a better mother. I also have a daughter Maddy (Madigan). Who was born March 18th 2008, a few days before yours. I can’t even put into words the love I felt for my daughter the first time I met her. I am so glad that Madeline got to feel that love from her mother. That is everlasting, she will never forget that.
You have made my life a little less stressful, I thank you
I cried again. I hope you are the most famous awesome single dad who made the best foundation in his wife’s name ever. The beach looked beautiful.
Matt,
We’re all crying tears with you…I didn’t know Liz, but when you write about her it feels like I’ve known her my whole life. If you can bring tears to a complete stranger’s face, I can only imagine what you’re going through. Keep putting one foot in front of another…Madeline is so lucky to have a father to keep her mother’s memory alive. Its like she never left…Take care.
Hey Matt, this is my first time on your site. I caught the artical in people magazine. My heart goes out to you, I cannot even imagin what you must have went through.
I raised my daughter only child by myself, and now that she is 21 I know I did a great job.
You certainly look like you got it all under control and are doing a great job. Keep up the good work and I wish you all the best.
Take care Teresa.
Madeline and the bubbles is a fantastic picture…though does she take a bad one
As always, thanks for sharing a bit of Liz today, I can’t help but smile seeing her face.
PS. Just seeing flip flops, I’m incredibly jealous of the warmth.
old,old time remedy (and it really works well). Boil vinegar on the stove or in a humidifer and it will cut all the mucus….your house will smell like an Easter egg but if the kiddos can breathe, who cares!!!! it worked for my mom, for me, and my friends. the pics are great and i love to see the pics of both liz and maddy. it is a sign of the healing process that you go through. it’s bee 32 years since i lost my sister and her husband and there are still days that it seems like yesterday. give yourself time to heal….maddy will keep you smiling through the tears.
Hi Matt and Madeline! Just another fan here. I’ve been reading your blog for awhile. I appreciate you sharing your journey with all of us. I married a man who lost his wife about three years before we met. I know the depths of despair this man waded through after her death. I am now the lucky stepmom to a 16 y.o. boy and a 13 y.o. girl. They constantly amaze me at how well adjusted and accepting they are of this new situation. I feel very blessed to be a part of these three people’s lives (which we now share with a good-natured, adolescent golden retriever). I was very up- front with the kids when we got serious that I did not want to replace their mom – they have one, and I have enjoyed helping them keep her memory alive. It’s not an every day discussion, but we take flowers to her grave on her birthday, and I have looked through many photo albums and home videos with them too. I ask them lots of questions about her too, so that they will remember things like what her favorite color was, favorite kind of ice cream, etc. The little things I would want to remember about my mom. And I always want them to feel like they can share her memory with me. Any woman who was married to my wonderful husband and raised such great kids is someone I know I would have loved too. Anyway, I ramble.
I just want you to know that there are so many of us out here rooting for you – to heal, to continue to grow, to keep your great sense of humor intact, to find love again if you choose. You deserve the best and you have been the best father to Maddy. Best wishes, Cathy
Her face when she spots the bubbles is priceless!!
Hi Matt,
I’m a long time reader, first time commenter (ok, now I sound like a caller on a radio show – gah!).
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know much your blog has touched me. I’ve laughed, cried and of course, awww’d over every single picture of your beautiful Maddy (the bubbles vid was priceless!). Thank you for sharing her – and your incredible journey – with us. I promise I will be here as long as you keep posting.
Gentle hugs to both of you,
Erin
Beautiful family! I read your story in People Magazine and wanted to say thank you SO much for sharing your story and letting us all watch your beautiful Maddy grow with you. She is breathtaking. I couldn’t help but smile to see the video of her learning to crawl.. it brings me back to when my own kids did the same.
Keeping a warm mist humidifier will help with the stuffy nose in the winter.. also adding a bit of menthol vapor. If she’s really wheezy take her in the bathroom and turn the shower on until it gets steamy, and if that doesn’t work, wrap the two of you in a big blanket and sit outside in the cold for a few mins. I think the majority of my winter is spent sitting in the backyard at 2 in the morning.
God Bless!! ((HUGS)) to you and Maddy
Matt,
You have to submit Madeline’s picture to Regis and Kelli’s cutest baby ever contest! It ends Feb.13. She can win a scholarship for college. She is the cutest baby!
I think I missed the people article… actually I’m sure I did. Its good to hear you’re facing the memories as tough as it can be to do so. The pictures of Madeline and the bubbles is priceless. You’re doing a great job. Fucking swear words and all.
glad you’re back online! I visited last night after hearing your story from another site. When I saw the CPanel/Apache site I thought…oh no…!!! Been there, and its not fun. Hope you’re over the technical difficulties now and am looking foward to reading more of your story!
Hey Matt!
We had lunch in that very place that you guys did in Playa Christmas 07! Maddy is getting ridiculously gorgeous! Looks like you guys had a great time and I’m very jealous! Hope we’re able to see you guys again in March!
Read your article in people the other day at work. (I work in an NICU.) We were all touched by your story as it hits close to the heart of what we do daily. I have been reading some of your writings and looking at your pics. (Made me sob at the unfairness of it all.) Liz was beautiful, Madeline is beautiful. I am so sad Liz is not here to experience her beautiful baby. Looks like you are doing an amazing job. Liz would be proud I am sure. No one should have to die like Liz did, and no family should have to go through what you have went through. You and Madeline are in my thoughts!
I heard of you and your joys and tragedy in the People Magazine. I saw you on the cover and flipped to the story. As a single mom, I can only imagine the road you have been down! I send you much love and support on this great journey you are on. You are doing amazing and I am sure the days and years to come will only bring you more joy! You are Madeline are going to be one close duo! Much love and support…..keep living strong….your daughter is a true gift…..never forget that!!!
just posting another comment. saw you are in nashville. my husband and i thought about going to nash. for our anniversary this wkend but didn’t make it…what a small world. your family’s story has made me appreciate moments with my loved ones even more
I love this blog. You are such a super dad to Maddy. I really admire you.
-Lauren
I can only imagine how hard it must be to re live the memories. You have done an awesome job of sharing how weird it must feel to be in the same place, and so NOT in the same place. The place you thought you would be. Who ever imagines themself a widow with a young child? It must be surreal to say the least.
You are much better than most parents to be able to put your feelings of sadness aside in order for your child to experience all the great places you and Liz have been. I am sure she is nodding her head in agreement cheering you on as you show Maddy all the places you enjoyed with her mom. Keep up the great work and thanks for taking us along for the ride!
I bought the people today…first issue ever to read your article. Very nicely done. Why is Maddie the most beautiful baby ever. You are such a great Daddy!
greetings from Brazil….. youre an inspiration …. keep up the good work….
I was just surprised to see you guys on the AOL homepage. It’s so strange for me, I can’t imagine how you must feel. Beautiful photographs of you guys as always!!
Hi Matt!
I’ve been reading since last spring and your courage to share your grief and milestones with us is awinspiring. My uncle lost his wife (my father’s sister) 6 years ago and he has been doing as you are with Maddie – taking his 2 girls to every single place he and my aunt visited together… They’re going to Hawaii next month and I believe Greece is on the books for next year… and then I think Italy. It’s an amazing thing to do not only for your girl but for yourself as a healing mechanism.
Keep up the good work raising Madeline – she’s so beautiful and growing so well under your watchful eye and care.
I hope the foundation does well and that the attention you’ve received lately in People and via AOL helps it.
Take care!
Lyne
Whoa. Your blog has exploded. That’s such a good thing though. You and Maddy are really getting to people, inspiring people, and that’s not easy to do in times like these. Keep it up.
You’re very brave to face all of those memories so soon. I’m just in awe.
That was a wonderful article in People. And YES! I voted for you over at the Bloggies.
Your pictures are incredibly beautiful, as usual, and your story still grabs my heart. You are doing such a great job with your Maddy.
She is an absolutely beautiful little girl.
I just read your story. I am very ,very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the initial pain. I am saddened that you do not know or believe in God. Please don’t stop reading here.
Do you know anything of God? He IS real and He DOES love you and madeline and Liz too. I will pray for you and baby Madeline. In the meantime you might visit a website MARKINC.org. This is my pastor’s website and it includes a book and cd on it that you may purchase and both are called “Treasures in Darkness”. This book is about when they lost their son and his girlfriend in a tragic car accident in 1993 and the EXTREME grief that followed. That event has made my pastor the man he is today. Not that he was not a great pastor before but this was a defining moment in their lives ( his and his wife). A time when they questioned EVERYTHING they had ever known about God. Why had this happened…why them…hadn’t they always lived for Him…why their youngest son…I encourage you to go to the web site and check out these resources. You have a beautiful daughter and she should know that her Heavenly father loves her every bit as much as her earthly father.
God Bless you in the years to come. Perhaps God will bring a wonderful woman in your life to be Maddy’s surrogate mommmy or maybe not. Either way may God’s grace,mercy and peace be with you both. Wheather or not you gain another wife I am sure God will provide you with all the info you need to answer any and all questions you have about your baby girl.
John 3:16 ” For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son and that whosoever believeth in Him would not perish but have everlasting life”.
I really have nothing significant to comment. I just have not left a comment in a month and was feeling like a loser for it. So here I am with nothing to say other than you are an amazing dad and writer. Thanks for keeping me entertained while I slowly lose my mind.
I’ve never head your story until today. Your a wonderful dad and an amazing person. Your life seems bitter sweet to me, I don’t know what I would have done in your shoes. Maddy is a very beautiful little girl with a father who has a beautiful soul. I truely believe in keeping someone alive in your heart and sharing all your memories with Maddy about her mom is the most precious gift you can give her. No matter where life leads you and Maddy I have a feeling Liz will be right there with the both of you.
I am sure the people magazine article has brought you into a spotlight you did not desire, but if not for that magazine article I wouldn’t have spent the weekend reading an incredible journey of a man and his precious daughter. You are truely a great person and I can’t imagine what courage it must take to live your life but to share it with the world as you are living it.
Hi Matt, From all the comments and emails sent to you I am fairly sure you have heard it all or at least most of it. I am keeping you and Maddy in my heart. I will continue to send the most positive love and light to the both of you. You already know this but I will say it anyway, Maddy is adorable. I am sure you see likenesses of Liz in Maddy. It is amazing the traits that are inborn in our children. I admire your strength but don’t forget to be Matt. Make sure you allow yourself to grieve as you need to. There are no manuals on this, if only it were that easy. Yes I have had a lot of loss in my life. It sucks. I try to find the silver lining if you will to the losses I have been through. Both my dad and mom were taken because of car accidents. They each had there own. My dad’s happened when I was thirteen, my mom never remarried. My mom’s accident happened, well, it will be three years in March. My mom’s tragic accident has had many twists to it. I think the hardest was the hospital having my mom for 8 hrs. and no one bothered to call us until 10 mins. before she passed away. I have many stories throughout my journey of life. My brother is mentally ill and I have gone through many episodes with him. I have learned that we all have our stories but it is what we do with them that makes us who we are. I am glad your are out and about. Don’t let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. The heck with those who can’t understand what you are doing or why, or if you are grammatically correct, etc. The only people who matter right know are you, Maddy, and Liz. Liz must be an awesome angel. I do envy you as far as you having such an awesome marriage. It is hard to find that kind of love. Some people never find it not even for a second in time. I have two daughters. I will think of you and Maddy on March 24th. That is my oldest daughter’s birthday. I will send you kind and loving well wishes and for the 25th also. As many others have offered, I am here for you should you need an objective ear to listen or a warm heart that knows compassion. You are not alone!!!! Be well Matt and Maddy. Both meantally amd physically.
matt, it amazes me how well you take this. i know you dont think you are taking it well but you are! Maddy is beautiful! Your so sweet for doing everything you have done! im in shock though, thats amazing, that story, but my friend gave me advice about something. and what she gave me advice about works for you to. I dont know if you really want advice but think about it, would you rather her be here, with you, but she would still have that blood cot in her lung, or would you rather her be feeling great in a wonderful place. From what ive heard she seems like a great person, so she definitely went somewhere happy. you handled this VERY well!!! I have a few questions though. Are you going to tell Maddy about this? if yes than when? who is staying with you? will you please email me back? Im very interested in these things for some reason i dont know but im 11 years old and i know it seems like im too young for you to be telling me this stuff or for me to even be hearing it but im not. im mature and im interested, this wont leave my mind until i get a response. not in a bad way, but because i really want more information. Tell Maddy i say hi even though she doesnt know me and neither do you. Thank you if your reading this, and feel better because your an inspiring person!!!
My friend sent me the link to your blog last thursday and I can’t stop reading it, or thinking about your story. As thousands of others have said you are beyond amazing! You’re daughter is so cute and you are a great, great, GREAT father! I want to do more to help with the Liz Logelin Foundation and get others to donate where I live in New Jersey and work in Philadelphia.
I look forward to reading your posts and wish you the very best!!
Matt, I commented a few minutes ago and fogot something. I am sure you are pain stakingly aware that Liz’s last gift to you is Maddy and your gift to Liz is how you raise Maddy. With that being said, if you haven’t already, you should ask any and all people that knew Liz to write letters to Maddy that Maddy can open later in life to learn more about her mom. Just a thought!!! Hope it will help Maddy when she gets old enough to try to make sense of the events life has dealt her.
amazing how a complete stranger can touch others’ hearts so much. you are doing just that to thousands.
you are giving strength to people in similar situations.
you are making people appreciate who and what they have in their lives.
i never comment on sites and blogs but, with tears in my eyes, i just had to say thank you for that. and wish you and maddy all the best. she’s so lucky to have you as a dad. you are seriously awesome.
I love your blog, it’s incredible the strength you have. I know it’s not easy having a preemie. My #3 was born at 31wks 11-07 & spent some time in the hospital. She is doing awesome now, you would never know she was born so little. I think it’s wonderful what your doing with this blog, & when your daughter get older she really will appreciate it.
Beautiful phots of you, Liz and Maddy. I have taken Austin to some same spots for pictures I had with Damion, too. It really says something to me to see me in the same spot with my two favorite boys. Something for Austin to appreciate one day when he’s older. Thanks again for what you do. I know it’s the last thing you ever imagined you’d be doing, but you have reached those of us who are grieving our beloved spouses, some of us even while trying to raise tiny babies. Best to you and your sweet girl.
I saw you on AOL so I’m new to your blog. I myself had a difficult pregnancy due to my heart problems. Its nice to know that you are doing so well. I know you probably hear this all the time but your baby is beautiful. It makes my heart feel so good knowing that this little girl will grow up knowing just how special she is to have a father like you!
Hi Matt, I just found your blog a couple weeks ago, but read through all the archives. Although both my parents are living, my dad was the one that was always home with us and taking us to our extracuricular activities. I understand it seems impossible at times with out Liz, but Madeline won’t forget the love you have shown her already. I am now a successful grad student and give a lot of credit to my dad for always being there when i needed him. you will and can be the same for your daughter. I will continue to follow your story and wish you the best of luck.
Sara, Philadelphia, PA
I am one of the “people” who read about you in “people”.
I’m not usually a blog reader, but I had to come, look and read. I have no inspiring wisdom. I don’t even know why I’m posting a comment, since I don’t really have an intelligent comment to post- although like many people before me, I felt compelled. I, too, am a new parent. I have a son who is 8 months old and even though my pregnancy and birth story was hard, it obviously was not even comparable to your wife’s and yours.
What I enjoyed most are your photos – to see the pure love you have for your daughter and wife. You can feel your raw emotion through the lens of your camera.
Even though I do not know you, it pains my soul to look at your little girl and know that she will never know the touch of her mother. This blog is an absolute honor to your wife and is absolutely amazing for your daughter to see one day.
Your honesty is refreshing..especially the fucks and the shits you let loose. It’s real life. I don’t think I could make it through a day without letting off a “fuck it”.
I have to admit I probably will check in from time to time, just to see how you and your daughter are adjusting day to day. Since my son and your daughter are close in age, it’s hard not to put myself in your shoes and compare lives. My husband lost his father at age 12 – obviously he had much more time with his parent, but I know how losing him at such a young age hurts him daily. I think if he had memories like you are creating for your daughter, it might make the hard times easier. I know this sounds cliche, and as hard as I’m trying for it not to sound like it, thank you for sharing your life with strangers and I’m sure looking at your daughter is therapeutic – Her eyes are identical to your wife’s.
I also enjoy just viewing your photos from a photography standpoint – I, too, am a friend of Nikon.
Hey There Matt,
I am so sorry for your loss…
Hang in there… God Bless you and
your wonderful daughter…
You are a Super Dad
You go back to these special places, and it’s a kind of torture — watching back through all those reels of your own happy memories.
Your family say, ‘Let’s go down to Mexico for a few days, since the break will do him good,’ and it’s hard for them to appreciate exactly how it feels to live through the endless movie re-runs inside your head.
Hard as it is, each time you do that it helps just a little towards being grateful for the time you had and less bitter about so much you lost.
That’s an impossible equation to balance, I know, but you are doing the right thing and working with what you have.
Best wishes to you from snowy England. And spirits up.
I love your juxtaposition of photos of Liz with your photos at the same location with Maddy. It really stresses how much Liz is still with you.
Hi Matt – Seen this and instantly thought of you and Maddy!!
http://tech.msn.com/products/articlecnet.aspx?cp-documentid=17295642>1=40000
I feel like a dumb ass even trying to write this. I have started a million times before, but I have nothing truly original to say. All of the comments above mine pretty much echo my sentiments (well except the people who are bitching about your writing style??!! Perhaps they have nothing better to do, which is pretty sad.) Matt, Liz was beautiful. I love looking at photos of her. In every one she just looks so happy and full of life. It’s just hard to believe… well, you know. You are doing such a great job with Maddie. I have two kids under 3 years old. Parenting is hard work. You do not give yourself nearly enough credit. This is why I didn’t want to write a comment.. I knew I would ramble. I TRULY send all of my thoughts and well wishes to you. If you are ever in Colorado (God, help you.. no I am kidding
) then you and Maddie have a place to stay and a warm meal, and an ice cold beverage of your choosing. Take Care…
I’m new to your blog, and I’ve just spent the past week reading all of your archives. I’ve gone from crying to laughing in a matter of moments (maybe I shouldn’t be reading this at work? My coworkers must think I’m crazy). Your story touched my heart and I think it’s awesome that you’ve taken your heartbreak and turned it into something wonderful in the form of your new foundation. Your wife and daughter are beautiful and incredibly lucky to have a husband and father like you. Your love of them both are obvious in your posts.
Thank you Matt for opening your heart……an open heart is one that can be filled again!
Last night just as I was ready to either scream or cry from raising 3 small children and being a stay at home mom, I decided to surf the internet. I came across your story, and was so moved that I also cried and laughed at the same time. wow did your blog put things into perspective for me. Today the laundry sat unfolded, because I read more to my kids, the dishes stayed in the sink longer than usual because I did a puzzle with my 3 year old. The beds went unmade until 11 am, Thats big for me, because I took my baby daughter on the grass for the first time since she began to walk and watched her as she explored the world outside. Today I enjoyed my children much more than usual. I have you to thank for that. Thank you for sharing your most heartbreaking story.
someone may have suggested this already, sorry I don’t have time to read through all the comments! next time she has a blocked up nose go into the bathroom, close the door & turn the shower on HOT!! Don’t get in ( :
Just stand in the bathroom with her while it gets all steamed up. Stay in there about 10-15 minutes, longer if needed. have tissues ready as her nose will run! it works a treat! Works great for croup or bronchitis too. cheers, Toni
i love maddy’s photo shoot on the beach and i highly doubt she’ll hate you for all the pictures you take. she’ll have one hell of a photo album that’s for sure
Love reading all your blogs! Your doing such a great job and Maddie is just beautiful. Glad to hear that you are having an awesome time on your trip. Look forward to reading more about it.
Athough painful, seeing pics of Liz makes my heart smile knowing she is so proud of the daddy and man you have become. Maddy’s little face is precious and when I see her smile, I see Liz smiling at you. God Bless you and Maddy. Hugs from the Rice’s in Ohio.
Survey says you are doing a great job. I loved the bubbles, I need to do that. Hope you still have fun in Mexico. get some rest too!
I’m just wondering how you travel so well with a baby. Pre-baby, I was all about traveling. I have a six month old and find it so difficult to travel with her. Any tips, especially on the airplane?
I know you have heard it, but it is so cool this new community that you are creating. I’m sorry for your loss, but happy that you are creating something positive out of it.
Happened upon your blog by accident. It’s late at night and I’m 2 weeks away from delivering my 2nd baby girl. Thank you for sharing your story and pictures. Best of luck to you and your little baby girl. She is beautiful! Haven’t seen your story in People yet, but I hope it brings lots of attention to your foundation.
I think you are an amazing person ,you are strong
God Bless and be with you both
just remember all things are possible through Christ
I hope you keep up the website and the foundation
take care
God Bless
Lisa
Matt,
I saw you and Madeline on Rachael Ray today and I was blown away. The strength you have is truly amazing, and your robot kicks!
I saw you and Madeline on the Rachel Ray show the other day and I couldnt stop crying. Its really inspirational to see your venture with your daughter. I will definatly keep watching what happens next with you and Madeline, she is so beautiful and you are so blessed with her pressiousness. I hope all is well with you two! I cant wait to see what the future holds for Madeline….it is endless.
your baby so sweet, good blees you
Hiya! I just want you to know that I have been reading your site for some time now. You are so passionate and dedicated. There are no words that I can use to explain how you have touched my life. The daily life I live goes on easier each day just from your strength and character. You have such inspiration and love to give. You have a beautiful daughter and you are doing such wonderful work with her. Keeping her Mothers memory alive in this way is the best gift you could ever give to her. Many blessings to you both.
Matt, keep up the good work. My brother was killed in an airline crash in 1964, leaving a wife, twin sons, age 12, and a daughter, age 7. Somehow, my sister-in-law finished raising the three children (and she went back to work, during this time). All three children have grown into responsible adults and have fine families. It will take time, but I’m sure the future will hold many good things for you and Madeline.
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