(wow. exactly one month behind).
saturday, january 24th.
maddy’s 10 month birthday.
we woke up and
headed to the
village for brunch
with our buds,
jd and chrissy.
had lunch inside
a giant birdcage,
(which is kind of a good idea for parents with mobile children, if only they could lock the damn thing),
inside a room with
lot of pink and mirrors.
maddy and jd
got right to business,
babbling to one another
and holding hands.
we had a great meal,
sharing food with
our children,
though maddy seemed
more enamored with
the plate
than the mac and cheese.
our conversation
found us discussing
our pasts, our futures,
and reflecting on
how far we’ve both
come since our
children were born.
though single parents as
a result of different
circumstances, we’re
both in the
same position now…
single parents trying
our best to raise
our children to
be the happiest,
healthiest kids they
can be.
so far, we’re
both kicking ass
in that department.
after lunch we
took a short
walk over
and up,
ending up at a kid-friendly
bookstore/cupcake shop.
as if to underscore parts
of the conversation
we had earlier,
i got a look into
my future as chrissy
chased a running jd
aound the bookstore.
i’m starting to
get a little scared
about madeline’s
increasing mobility.
just as the last shudder
of fear hit
my toes, i realized
that i was getting
a little ahead of myself…
right next to me,
here’s my i
little girl,
passed out on
top of a bench,
bottle hanging from
the left side of
her mouth,
drool making its
way to her
left earlobe.
enjoy this, i thought.
besides, the future
won’t be so bad.
soon enough maddy
will be able to
mow the lawn,
feed the fish,
help with the laundry,
wash my car,
carry her own
luggage through the
airport, bring me
a grapefruit from
our tree, etc.
how perfect will
that future be?
we were joined by a
few of chrissy’s friends,
now familiar
faces to me.
we had a ton of laughs
over cupcakes
and root beer.
the clock hit 4:15 and
it was time
for our next adventure…
we took a cab
to the upper
east side, to a
gallery showing
the work of one
of my favorite photographers.
as we got out
of the cab,
i realized just
how cold it
had become.
maddy didn’t seem
to care.
she was asleep
and stayed asleep
as we entered
the building.
we found lauren
just inside, and
the three of us
took the elevator
to the fifth floor.
we walked in
through the glass
doors, grabbed a
brochure, and walked
through the nearly
empty gallery stopping
to admire each
of the shots.
the one with
the weight loss
sign on the
barbed wire fence
in the middle of a
desolate field,
the photo of
the hat hanging
on the edge of
the chair
the one with
the birds flying
around the trash
dump, utterly gorgeous.
but looking at
them made me
think i need
to to get better
with my camera.
another challenge…
just what i need.
maddy still asleep,
we hit the sidewalk
in a quest to
find a cab.
we made it
a few blocks,
and finally got
an empty cab.
the guy said,
“get in…i’m off duty, but you’ve got a kid. i’ll take you wherever you need to go.”
i love this city.
we got to our spot,
and gave the
guy a tip appropriate
for a much
longer ride.
we headed in
to a hotel,
up to the bar
on the second floor
to meet up
with creepy katie j.,
in town for work.
she greeted us,
and immediately
took a now awake
and incredibly
happy maddy
out of my hands.
we got some wine
and spent some
time talking
about things.
we were joined
by a couple of
creepy katie j’s coworkers.
madeline sat
and stared
as we spent
some time talking.
eventually we said
goodbye to creepy
katie j.’s coworkers and
lauren, and took
a few photos
of maddy.
after the photo
shoot, we walked
west with katie j.
and met up with
cara, lauren and santiago
at a mediterranean restaurant.
maddy napped
as we ordered
our meals.
the waitress
said something
funny, which made
cara laugh, and the
laughing woke madeline up.
after dinner,
we stopped for
a drink
before saying
goodbye, and heading
to bed for the
night.
madeline,
i’m not sure
what i’d do without
you.
january 25th.
10 months ago,
well, you know.
gonna try not
to think about it.
gonna try to forget
to look at the
clock at 6:11
eastern time.
gonna try to
forget what could
have been.
trying do something
is one thing,
trying not to
do something is
an entirely
different beast.
the more i try
not to remember,
the more i remember.
it’s sorta fucked
up how that all works.
trying not to
think about
the fact that your
wife is gone is
one hell
of a way to
start off a morning.
we got up
and hung around
the room for
awhile before
checking out of
our hotel.
we met up with lauren
and santiago for lunch.
maddy made friends
with a boy
at a nearby table,
and i shot him
a look that
indicated that he
should stay away
from my daughter.
oops…forget that
they’re not even 1 yet.
i should probably
save that look
for her teen years.
after lunch we
took some photos
then we all met
up with melissa
at a camera
store down the street.
after a little
shopping, we said goodbye
and headed back
to our hotel to
pick up our luggage
and to jump
on a phone call.
conference call with
some of the creeps
to discuss fundraising
opportunities for the foundation.
during the call,
cara stopped by
to say goodbye
and play with maddy.
after the call,
it was off to
the airport.
not looking forward
to this one.
maddy has been
a little fussy
on the last
two flights,
so this one may
not go well,
especially because
we have a layover.
maddy was
asleep as
we boarded the plane.
she woke up
as we took
off and immediately
started screaming.
thankfully the plane
was almost empty,
so there were
few people to
cast angry looks
our way.
a woman sitting
behind me offered insisted
on holding her.
i relented and
maddy fell asleep
withing a minute.
i spent the flight
talking to
her daughter
while she held mine.
we landed
in d.c., and said
goodbye to our
new friends.
from that moment
on, maddy was
happy as hell.
we got on
the next flight
and she passed out.
it was a
blissful trip
back to los angeles.
maddy slept through
the landing,
and within an
hour we were back
at home.
as i walked up
the stairs,
i remembered that
january 25th
is the anniversary
of another totally
awesome event.
one year ago to
the day,
we walked in on
a couple of assholes
burglarizing our house.
we were coming
home from dinner
with her family
(they were in town to help us paint madeline’s room and put together her crib)
as i unlocked
the front door,
i looked through
the glass
and saw a bunch
of our stuff
on the floor.
i told everyone
to wait on the porch.
i walked through
the living room, finding
liz’s
suitcase packed up
with a bunch
of electronic equipment.
then i walked into
the office,
finding that they
had gone through
our drawers,
finding very little,
and made off
with a couple
of my cameras.
fuck.
one of those cameras
was brand new,
replacing the one
that i had
stolen from me
in vietnam at
the end of 2007.
i walked through the
hallway and into
the bedroom.
it was like a
fucking movie.
drawers emptied out
(who keeps valuables in their sock drawers, anyway?)
and the contents
scattered around the room.
then i noticed
that the back
door was open.
and then i heard
liz
yelling my name.
i ran through the
house, finding
everyone still on
the porch, and
liz
yelling,
“EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME!”
she was yelling
at the fucking burglars.
the assholes were
walking through our yard
as if they were
on a sunday
stroll through the park.
i ran down
the stairs as they
got into their car
and typed the
license plate number
into my blackberry while
liz’s
dad called the police.
the police came,
and did a little investigation.
and i stood outside,
seething with anger.
liz
reminded me
that is was only
stuff that got stolen
and that nobody
was hurt.
she was right.
the next day the
police pulled over a
car with the license
plate i provided to
the police.
all of our stuff was
still inside.
we got everything back…
the cameras,
the computer,
the deck of cards
(yeah…idiots took the time to steal a deck of cards),
the gold foil
envelope enclosures
(yes…they stole those as well. they were in a little plastic case so they must have figure it was a valuable coin or something).
everything
except the jewelry
i purchased for
liz
over our
12 year together.
i promised her
that i would by
her a new piece
for every holiday/anniversary
until it was
all replaced.
two months later
she
would be dead,
and of all the
things that were
stolen, the only
thing i really want
is that
fucking jewelry.
to give to
madeline.
i’m still replacing
that jewelry,
but now i’m
doing it for
madeline.
ah, memories.
walked into the
house, and it looks
an awful lot
like it did the
night that we
were burglarized.
clothes and other things
scattered all over
the house,
office a complete disaster,
living room and
kitchen in total disrepair.
i really need
to clean this
place up.
liz
would not be pleased.
108 Comments
Liz may not have been pleased with the state of your house, but she’d be damn thrilled with the way you are with Maddie.
Love seeing the NYC pics. All photos from Lauren’s rooftop seem to turn out amazingly beautiful.
The birdcage is cool!
Ugh @ Burglars I think it’s such a shame people stoop that low. Get a job, go buy your own stuff!
But she would be, Matt. She is. You are doing an incredible job raising y’all’s daughter, and that is all she wants.
I agree. You and your friend are both doing an AMAZING job with your children!!! Looks like you had an awesome trip. Seeing all these pics gives me the travel bug bad!
I’ve been stressing out about my room looking like its be burgled, thanks for the post, keeps it in perspective.
You have a beautiful little girl =)
I have never been burglarized. ::knock wood:: Several houses in our neighborhood have, and we’re one of the few without an alarm, sooo… it’s just a matter of time? I dunno.
Our house is also one of the crappier lookin’ ones.
TRYING to forget someone or something is incredibly difficult. Like many things in life, it’s just something that has to happen on its own. You’ll never forget Liz, of course, but as time goes on, it won’t hurt nearly as much. And as long as you have Maddie then you will always have Liz with you.
Sound like you had a good trip. Maddie is becoming cuter by the second. She is a doll!
This is such a heart-wrenching post. On the one hand, I am so thrilled for you and your daughter; she looks happy and healthy and it sounds like you guys had a great 10 month birthday together =)
On the other hand, I am so, so, sorry about the jewelry. I just know Madeline will love the replacements one day – the stories behind those are just as valuable as the stories behind the originals.
Oh we are going through the ‘Oh crap the baby has mobility’ right now. My little one will be 1 on March 4th and has really made us baby proof 10 times over. Oh and he eats ANYTHING that is on the floor. Good luck to you once Maddy realizes she can go anywhere. lol I am always shocked to see pictures of her sitting somewhere. My booger would be a blur in the pictures.
I am seething for you dude. I HATE that. People breaking into your home and taking your stuff, and then hiding behind the-insurance-pays-for-it-anyways argument. It drives me wild. I had a break in, and another attempt while I was building our new house. They stole a boiler, yes, a boiler that took three men to lift in, ripped my showers from the walls, took the kitchen tap, some tools, a towel radiator.Probably only to weigh it all in for nominal value, scumbags.
Back to brighter things, looks like JD and Madeline are becoming great friends. My best mate has a three year old daughter, and she and my son make a lovely toddler couple. But he has already started talking about when my boy won’t be allowed to play in her room etc. Sounds like you are even one step ahead of him.
Madeline is beautiful, and I love the shots of you two with the city in the background. You always manage to get such great pictures and capture the moments of life so well. I’m jealous… every time I pull out my camera, people moan and groan until I put it away.
Keep your chin up. You’re doing an awesome job at life.
We’re from San Diego, but live in Louisiana cuz of the military. Wish we could be at the meet and greet! Enjoy it!
If burglars tried to go through our closets they would probably run screaming.
Happy 11 months, Maddy!
That baby is going to be so done up with Jewels. I have a Pandora http://www.pandora-jewelry.com bracelet and I plan on getting one for each of my girls. They are very beautiful charm bracelets. Just think off all the charms you can buy for momentous occasions in Madeline’s life. Don’t worry about being a month behind we are all happy to read about your adventures when the time is right for you.
Thinking of tips for when Madeline is a teen (and dating, if you let her. Ha) Our neighbor girl was dating a boy and we trained our motion spotlights on the house to flash on in the spot where the boy would drop her off. To be more obnoxious, my husband would walk out and ask the boys to smell their drink containers before letting her leave with them. She’s just our neighbor girl not our daughter. I feel sorry for our daugther when we ever maybe never let her date! Our neighbor married and has a baby with that same boy so being obnoxious paid off in the end. You are doing a great job by the way!
Matt, don’t worry. Walking is wonderful. There will be more fun than you can imagine. Enjoy it.
Man, that jewelry is just a heart breaker every time you bring it up. Life sucks.
You are trying, and you are doing. And you are succeeding. Give yourself a break if the house isn’t in pristine condition. If your time is spent focused on making Madeline happy, then who cares what the house looks like (something that parenthood is teaching me). Like you already said yourself, you are kicking some ass with the parenting gig, and that would make Liz very very happy I’m sure.
I am so, so glad that you and Maddie have EACH OTHER.
I keep valuables in my sock drawer.
Are you saying they’re on to me?
Fuck.
I used to stress over my home’s cleanliness and a friend told me not to. She said there will be plenty of time to stree out of the dirty house when the kids get older. She said they are only young once and you sure dont want to miss out. So I ditched the deep deep cleaning and enjoyed them more. and I totally understand what my friend was saying.
Your doing awesome with Madeline and I am sure Liz would be thrilled you are taking such good care of her! Keep on Keepin On!
My house was robbed when I was in college and they took jewelry that my grandmother gae me a ring that I bought in Paris. I take solace in the fact that karma is a bitch and I hope whomever stole my things got herpes on their eyeballs.
I meant grandmother GAVE me AND a ring that I bought in Paris.
happy 48/52 and 11/12 birthday to madeline!
thanks for the new post, matt! i was starting to worry you weren’t going to keep it up! (not sure why, not like you are busy doing anything else i can think of…)
i love, love, love that you are continuing to replace the jewelry for madeline…she will be able to look at each piece and think of the story about her momma that you tell her that goes along with it. so, so awesome.
first: that picture of Madeline staring is nice. I like the way the light fixture is reflected in the table. second: I can absolutely imagine a pregnant Liz yelling at the burgulars. I’m sorry you didn’t get the jewelery back and I’m glad you’re still replacing it. third: with everythin going on in your life, a little mess is not big deal. I’ll give you the advice that was so thoughtfully given to me:
” You can clean up the house and cut the lawn, the grass will grow back and the dust will come back, but never again will those precious childhood seconds come back. So what would you rather do?”
hugs from NJ,
erica and Landon
Glad that Maddy was happier on the flight back to LA! Suckage about the burglars!!
I think that Liz is very pleased with how you are raising your daughter. I think that she is happy that you are not stressing over the little things, and that you are doing such an amazing thing in her name.
Liz was right. It is just stuff. I do understand the sadness about losing the jewelry though. Burglars suck and the feelings left behind from being burglarized are pretty painful (as I unfortunately have also experienced).
Burglars suck. All my jewelry was taken, too, and my husband promised he’d replace it all. So far…not so much. But Liz would be so happy with how you’re raising Maddy. She’s already travelled more than most babies and some adults, and those photos are going to be the most priceless memoris she’ll have.
You are such a beautiful person. Best dad ever.
I’d say never worry about a dirty house. But if it’s the only thing you /can/ worry about, then you’re not doing so bad. \
Gorgeous pictures, again. Her eyes are always so stunning
Hugs from Reno
Damn right you’re kicking ass in the raising a happy and healthy baby department!! You’re doing an awesome job.
I have heard you mention the robbery before but hearing the story again with pictures makes me realize just how violated you all must have felt. I also admire the fact that, at a time like that, you grabbed your camera. You are truly a photographer at heart Matt!!
I am so sorry Liz is gone. You are doing the absolute best you can and Maddy will be so grateful one day.
Absolutely beautiful post! you have many friends and that is so important. Darling baby- I couldn’t help but wonder just what your ‘friend’ on the plane did to calm Maddie.
It cannot be hard to bring up the memories but what beautiful memories. Well, maybe not the burglary. How scary! you are both brave to get mad. Maybe it is because I have been sheltered in a low crime area.
My husband and I traveled around the world in 2006, and Viet Nam was by FAR one of most favorite places. Oh the people! If you have stories or piks from there (oh wait, camera stolen! lol!) I would love to hear about your adventures. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours
ps – time to babyproof the house if you have not already. crib down lowest, sockets plugged, cabinets locked.. weeks, not months, my friend. She’s a movin’.
The highs and lows – isn’t it exhausting?!
After all the traveling you and Maddie have been doing, I’ll let you off the hook for my Matt’s 5K in August on the east coast…
Dear Madeline,
You came into this world under amazing circumstances. Everyone is unique, but you…you are a gift to us all. Through your father’s words on this blog I have come to appreciate life a little more every day. I take the time I usually wouldn’t for the extra hug…or kiss…or ear for listening…or shoulder to cry on. Yours is a journey different from the one your parents had planned, but it is yours. Own it! You are not a motherless child. You are not pictures on a blog. You are Madeline Elizabeth Logelin. You are whoever you want to be. You may not have something that other kids have…a mother still on Earth. But you have something that many kids don’t have and can’t even imagine – a father whose love for you knows no bounds. A man who picks out your dresses so you look beautiful. You are a lucky little girl. This man is your everything right now and you are his. You should know how many lives you and your dad have touched, but don’t feel any obligation to be anything but you. Madeline, you will be wise beyond your years, given your past. This event, that you don’t remember, will follow you. But you can claim it as your own and not let it own you. Your dad denies that he is a hero, but don’t let him forget it.
There are so many more people in this world rooting for you than you will ever know. You inspire me. Your dad inspires me. Your mom inspires me. The world is yours! Go for it!
Love and best wishes.
m the CA
PS – Humor your dad and love the robot.
That is funny! I tell me kids all the time that their rooms look like they were buglarized! I felt a little weird looking at those pictures of your house. As much as I feel like I am peeping on your life, that felt weird!
Liz would be VERY pleased. Messy house but happy kid, c’mon!
But clutter isn’t good for the mind or the soul, take it in small steps. One pile at a time just like you have been living one day at a time.
You also made me very paranoid going through the airport with my kids. They are older, but slow and putzy, I was terrified of Mr. Briefcase behind us! I also was nicer to people with little kids on the plane, not that I would have cared, but I was extra sensitive, you just never know why they are alone….
I am amazed at all that you do. I also have a daughter, Mazie, born March 17, 2008! and she is wonderful. what did I live for/do before her? Most of the time I am out of sorts trying to get everything done and do everything right by her. hearing you travel with Maddy all by yourself is helping me already! in a week she and I are flying together on a last minute trip to Disney! (Daddy will be going to Vegas…hahaha) we will meet some family there and hopefully have a great time. we travel a bunch but not without two adults to one child. you impress me so much. Maddy is, as you know, perfect. thank you for letting us into yall’s lives. love her clothes too. where can I find those looks? do I have to go all the way LACA for such fashion?
I love the pics of JD and Maddy! too cute! Wow! what a mess. I would be upset about all the jewelry being stolen too, and grateful that no one was hurt, or home for that matter! Of coure you’re kicking ass raising Maddy! You’re awesome! And someday she can tell you that herself!
Amazing… Maddy is gorgeous! Take care XO
wow I can’t believe they just walked away like that! People do some crazy things. So lame about the jewellery, but I love your plan of replacing it for Maddie, she will treasure those pieces for sure.
Good luck with the cleaning!
Hmmmm . . . . Life is an amazing journey. Love you guys!
I fully live by the motto that the laundry can wait, dishes can wait, and so can making the bed. What matters is that Maddy is loved and invested in (which is BEYOND obvious). I actually enjoy cleaning (all but the bathroom), and i would offer to do it if there wasn’t 2,000 miles of sea in the way!
Burglars are asshats. I speak from personal experience.
I’m glad you guys had a fun trip to NYC. I hope you have many more. It sucks when people think they have the right to go into some strangers’ house and take what they want. But I feel that karma is a bigger bitch than I could ever be. What comes around, goes around.
welcominb back into my life Matt and Maddy via their blog~
life getting away from me so spending some precious time updating on your happenings.
Maddy is adorable and looks just like her mom!
Thanks for the visual of Liz, pregnant, one hand on hip, one hand pointing, a bit red in the face, yelling, “excuse me, excuse me”. No, I wasn’t there and never knew her, but through your writing and pictures the steps to visualizing are short ones.
Keep up the good work and thanks for the smiles you bring to my day.
How on earth do you travel with her? I need to make a trip to AZ and I don’t know… a car seat? Do I hold her? Ack! Share some advice!
Maddie looks so happy… keep up the wonderful job.
i love how liz was so polite screaming excuse excuse me, she sounds like she was amazing person ..as for the jewelry, i’m sure somewhere somehow it’ll turn it up even if it doesn’t you still have a great story to share with Maddy when she’s older of her mama
I’m so sorry that you don’t have Liz’s jewelry to give to Madeline. But you are giving something far more valuable- memories of your first months together, carefully documented and combined with memories of her mother. This blog will be invaluable when she is old enough to understand. You’re doing a great job, Matt.
Happy 11 months Maddy!!
Matt, you make me laugh and you make me cry. Damn you. Love the photos as usual.
Take care,
Debbie
Love what MJ wrote Madeline!!
So sweet and sincere. So true!!
I do understand the hurt that comes with the loss of jewelry though for you and Madeline. Even last night Emma had to get dressed for hippy day at school and I was searching for the one peace earring I had when I was a kid(man is that aging me or what-how embarrassing. lol) but I couldn’t find it cuz those kids stole it. Sucks!!
My house got broken into when I lived in CA and I lost the majority of my jewelry too!! The only one that I cared about was my father’s ring as he passed away when I was 19 and I do not have many pictures nor things that were his. (It was his dad’s ring, then his and now mine as we all have the same initials. I got it back!) At least you have Liz’s wedding ring for Madeline. You do have something that was her mom’s and “the most treasured” jewelry Liz had!!
I have to chuckle at you looking into the future to days when Maddie will be feeding the fish,mowing the lawn etc. While that period will come so will the days they will tire of that and be moaning and groaning -not wanting too. These milestones come and go, and one day you will open your eyes and wonder where has the time gone. I know we women all want a clean house, but the good fun parents have dirty ones. We all know that time spent playing with our kids is so much more important than having them play by themsleves while we clean. I am sure Liz would be letting alot of the housework go to.
As always you are doing an AWESOME job!!! and then some!!!
I remember when you told me that story. you remember details amazingly well. That will be so great when maddy has a zillion questions. miss u! love u both!
Maddie was SO cute holding hands with JD at the table. That’s one of the sweetest things ever.
Love that Liz had the balls to yell at the burglars!
I agree with the 1st commenter…maybe she wouldn’t be thrilled with the house but I know she is thrilled with the way you are raising her daughter.
My place is a wreck, and I think it’s okay to have junk laying about. Just not the same junk in the same place for very long. Besides keeping a clean house with mobile kids (sooner than you think) is hard. Luckily mine are of age to pitch in now…getting them to actually do that is another issue.
I think your wife would be understanding. It’s not easy to be “Superman” a single parent who can keep it ALL under control. It seems to me you’re doing a great job and showing your daughter wonderful things so early on in her life.
I agree with the others.. I’m fairly confident that Liz wouldn’t mind at all about the house, considering all the other amazing things you’re doing with yours and Maddy’s life together.
another fun trip to the NYC for you two! Glad Madeline is back to being perfect on flights
Another great way to share Liz’s memory with Madeline, by replacing her jewlery. What an awesome father you are!!!!
i can just picture your beautiful liz yelling ‘scuse me!! at those assholes stealing your stuff. lol it’s really not funny but the thought of that small feisty girl saying excuse me to thieves made me smile. you and maddy look like you are having a blast together. it’s nice to see that. you rock.
I understand what you mean about the burglars. 3 years ago our house was broken into just after the boyfriend and I got back from vacation. We had just started dating, I was overseas on a year holiday. The burglars stole my laptop, ipod, digital camera and bf’s video camera. I could care less about the STUFF, the only thing I want back was those fucking pictures. Photos of my entire year abroad and EVERYTHING was gone (as they stole all our backed-up copies on memory cards and hard disks that were in the laptop.)
3 years later I STILL wish I had those photos and am still upset about it.
Uh, I’m more than a month behind on a lot of things (photo albums, raking the leaves, washing the car, oil change). Somehow, having babies puts a lot of things on the back burner!
Oh, and who cares if the house is a mess? Maddy loves being with you more than watching you clean up. At least you are up to date with the things that matter…and clearly you are…your little one is the picture of health and happiness. SUCH cute photos of her. So sorry about the jewelry. That is a shame! Damn criminals.
Love the updates, no matter how late!
Oh.My.God. My bedroom has also been burglarized!
Aside from that.. I love how your little traveler just rolls with it! She has the traveling bug just like her parents.
Ok, some unasked for advice, and its not for Maddy. Dude, this may not be The MN – but its still fucking COLD in winter! Will you PLEASE dress appropriately lol.
The house may not be up to her standards but the totally awesome job you are doing with Maddie would more than make up for it.
Somehow with all you do with Madeline and how great she is doing I think Liz would only be proud and pleased with your priorities. This poem is a good reminder for me not to worry so much about my housework.
Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
I forgot
Title is:
Song for a Fifth Child
Author:
Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
At some point the time and dates will start to slip your mind. Even when you try to remember, you forget…then you really beat yourself up for forgetting. But don’t..too many other things to focus on. I think you are gearing up for Maddy becoming completely mobile. You have to watch her like a hawk. Everyone looses sight of their kid for a moment. I did at Barnes and Noble, and it was the worst 5 minutes of my life. But it changes how you act in public and makes you become way more alert and focused on where you child is every second.
I can’t believe how gorgeous Madeline is. Actually, I can. She’s the spitting image of her mother in all the pictures you’ve posted. Beautiful.
Hopefully you catch up on posts soon
I some how came upon your website, and i must say how much this story of you and your family has hit me!!!! You are truly a remarkable person….. and for that i give you allot of credit for courage you have… I enjoy reading your post’s that you place on here. I am sadden for your loss, but do apperciate the information you have placed on here for other to read. Thanks katie
I love your pictures you take. Seriously. And even though Liz might not like the state of your living quarters, she’s cheering you on from above on the amazing job you’re doing. I just know it!
Love, Mere
Well, I think you got your wish! Madeline looks just like her Mom! Although I think she would have been just as adorable if she looked like you too. I can’t believe Liz was yelling ‘Excuse Me! ‘ to the burglers! She was being polite in a situation that called for some sailor talk! So…ahh,,,what were you yelling? I’m thinking, maybe not AS polite. I choked up when you wrote to Maddie that you don’t know what you would do without her. I love that you have each other. You’re a seriously GREAT Dad. You always seems to have Liz in mind when you are making choices in Maddies life and that is incredible because although Liz was robbed from being able to be there, it is almost like she is still helping raise her because you make sure her influence is there. That’s awesome and exactly how I’d want my hubby to raise our babies (although they are teenagers now! EEK.)
Wow, what a roller coaster!
You mentioned root beer…the other morning I all of a sudden had a craving for root beer and then it vanished. Crazy.
You are such a good Dad, Matt; please always know that in your heart of hearts.
Matt,
I recently stumbled across this blog and have been reading a little bit every day. You are an absolutely INCREDIBLE father to Maddie (who is beautiful, btw). It’s evident in your words and the beautiful pictures that you post how you love her with your whole heart.
I am so sorry for your loss.
You know what… you are doing it. I honestly … I don’t know how I’d deal and you’ve proven that you can. It’s all for Maddy. I admire your strength whether or not you believe you have it.
i kinda love that story about liz yelling at the burglars.
and for the record, my laughing is NOT what woke maddy up. bitch.
Liz would be very proud of the wonderful job you are doing. Madeline is beautiful and thriving. Your camera skills are also wonderful and i’m not sure why you say you need to work on them. You have inspired me to get my camera out and take more pics of my kids. I read your entire blog in about a week and think you are an amazing parent. I too am a single parent to a 11 year old boy and a girl who will be 17 on Thursday. I enjoy reading your blog and seeing how Madeline and you are progressing.
I can’t believe how big Madeline is getting. She looks so tall! Hope you have fun on your play date! I remember you saying in one of your past blogs about being robbed, and the jewelry. So sad that people do this.
Loved hearing all about another fun trip! Your pictures are always such an awesome compliment to the stories. That Madeline has seen more of the country than most people ever will-very cool memories!
That really sucks your place was broken into. I wish you could have had that jewelry back, too. Jerks!
Can’t wait to read about the next adventure!
P.S. I pretty much love your hat with the big pom-pom ball on top.
I have a wish for you, Matt. Well, I have lots of wishes for you, but this one pertains to this post…
I sincerely hope that one day you and Madeline are poking around some little shop and come across Liz’s jewelry. At least a piece or two that you know was hers. Stranger things have happened, right?.
I’m sorry that those jackasses took those treasures away from your daughter.
it doesn’t sound like this is the case since Maddy slept through the landings, but if you ever think that her fussiness on the plane is related to pressure in her ears from the altitude changes, “earplanes” work wonders!
Funny, my heart might have skipped a beat when I read you landed in D.C. I live near there. Would have loved to hang out during your layover. I was actually there the next day taking my husband to the airport. He was headed to CA to see his sick grandma and had a lay over in L.A.
I guess the burglars wasted no time taking Liz’s jewelry to a pawn shop. What a shame. There are some horrible people, for sure.
You may not have Liz’s jewelry to give to Madeline, but you have tons of pictures and her clothes, shoes, purses. Maybe you don’t want to save all of that, but please keep some of it to give to her one day. It will make for a wonderful connection to her mother. Plus you obviously have Liz’s wedding ring….save it for her and I’m sure she’ll cherish it just as much as you do.
And since you love music so much, but maybe didn’t always share Liz’s taste…another idea is to make some compilation CDs for Madeline…stuff her mom loved to listen to. My mom used to play the guitar for me as a child and when I hear those old songs today, it brings back so many wonderful memories for me. Madeline can have that feeling too.
And yes, you ARE doing a kickass job with her!!! Rock on with your sweet little one!
I forgot to say Yay for Maddy getting a new tooth! How many does she have now?
Did you ever try out the amber teething necklace on her? Honestly, I swear by it, but it doesn’t work if only left on for a few minutes at a time. Needs to be worn close to the skin in order for it to work. I started my daughter on one when she was 18 months old and cutting 4 teeth at one time, including those eye teeth…thank god for that necklace!!
Maddy just gets cuter and cuter everyday.
Matt, I saw this book in a teacher’s publication recently and immediatley thought of you and Maddy. http://www.amazon.com/Robot-Bluebird-David-Lucas/dp/0374363307/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1235569737&sr=8-1
“Robot and the Bluebird” – about a robot who carries a bluebird south for the winter, sheltering the bird in the place where his heart used to be.
Hugs and kisses to Madeline, best of wishes for you both
This post had me in tears. What a shame about the burglary. Not too long ago my husband was mugged and beaten right after cashing his check. Lost everything he worked so hard for, plus a nice hospital stay. It’s only money I would say to him, and the rotten piece of crap could have killed you. It wasn’t easy to feel so helpless. I feel your pain about the loss of the jewelry… When you double that loss with your wife, I could imagine it’s unbearable. But, you have Maddie and beautiful isn’t a good enough word to describe her.
photography *challenge*.. that might be the exact kind of -challenge- you need?
..how can you go wrong investing time and energy in appreciating the beauty around you really..I know when I stroll about with my camera in hand- the world changes for me. all of a sudden the details are shining examples of how glorious my surroundings are- everything becomes art..
things i may not have noticed before- suddenly are more than simply noticeable-
You really do have a wonderful eye brother.
They do grow fast- some cliches spring from truth i ‘spose…
I know mobility and toddlers seems a bad combo.. but if someone out there can make cupcakes-small children and fine literature work..anything is possible..
besides.. grapefruit and luggage aside- I figure she’s about ready for the coal mines.
Well, Liz might would have been upset about your messiness, but you are taking care of the 2 things that made her happiest
You hear it all the time, but I know it doesn’t get old…Maddy is so pretty, she is growing up so fast. Hope that you’ve gotten cabinet locks!
Long time creeper, first time commenter. I really have enjoyed (?) reading your blog. You are very insightful and are an amazing father. On that note, I have a small piece of advice for you. I’m not a parent myself, but I am an Early Childhood Education student. I learned in school this year that its not good to put your child to bed with a bottle or let them lay down with a bottle.
Children will stop drinking out of the bottle and just suck on it and the liquid will pool in the mouth and drain into their ears. This can cause ear infections and cavities. Just thought I’d let you know to maybe save you both some grief and bills!
Sorry if I sound like a bitch, just lookin out.
You never seem to not make me cry. But you also seem to make me laugh too:
“soon enough maddy will be able to mow the lawn, help with the laundry, wash my car…”
good luck with those things
Thats what dads are for!!
You’re doing great with Madeline and that’s what matters. Liz would forgive you for not keeping up with the house. Being a parent is about priorities and yours are in the right place.
I am hoping you see this soon, I wont go into details here but some friends and I want to do a fundraiser for the foundation and I was hoping you could contact me and point me in the right direction. whenever you have a spare moment! thanks
What great pictures! Maddy is getting cuter and bigger each day. Liz yelling at the burglars is funny.. sounds like something I would do too. Our old apartment was broken into twice. Granted they were (probably) kids and they didn’t go through our things and only stole some video games and action figures, but even 4 years later it still makes me so angry. I can still remember the 2nd time it happened. My boyfriend came home to find someone leaving our apartment out the backdoor wall. Some how I didn’t leave my parents house when I was going to and my boyfriend got home before I did. He was on the phone with me and I was about to leave my parents and he yells “Stay at your parents, there is someone in our apartment, I’ll call you back”. He scared the guy off but because it was dark outside and the area was wooded my boyfriend wasn’t able to catch him. We moved out of that place about a month or so later. While Liz might be pissed about the state of the house, I have no doubt that she pleased about how you’re doing with Maddy and from the sound of it and the pictures Maddy’s pretty pleased too!
hmm-
break in stories..
my partner- ‘before we hooked up’- years back..
he was asleep and heard a noise in the bathroom..
he ignored it because his than girlfriend was still up- he assumed it was her.. until the noise became a *crash*..
he got up and saw his girlfriend was sitting on the couch-
he went into the bathroom and found there was a gentleman with his leg wedged between their window bars.. sorta trapped..
being woken up- my loverlie husband was of course.. making the scene perfect- naked.
he wasn’t sure what else to do- like your Liz.. he said “excuse me…”
freaking out the -some what stuck- would be theft..
probably traumatized the poor fellow for life.
he said “opps.. sorry man” pulled his leg out and left.
people are weird.
and can sort of suck balls.
I’ve been a lurker on your blog for a long time and have yet to make a comment…but I couldn’t go away without asking this one question…” They stole some foil and didn’t even touch the robot?!?!?!”
You are seriosly the greatest daddy! How can A MAN dress and accesorise their daughter better than I can do with mine! Wish we lived close and could have a playdate! I thin our girls would get along great! (Mine turned 1 on Feb 8). Anyway, just wanted to say hi!!
awesome, as always. I hope that yall are getting some much needed rest. I love the PICS!
You are still a STELLAR father in my eyes. Doing great, keep it up.
You certainly are kicking ass in that department! Keep it up!
Liz woud be Proud that you put Maddy before the house. I know I would and am.
Matt –
I am the mom of 4 boys who were once newborn, 3, 4, 5. (now 8-14) I remember that feeling of being able to still look back and remember a clean and organized house – a seeming impossibility once children arrived (and I had a partner).
One morning while the baby slept and the toddlers were out in the yard playing I washed my kitchen floor. Proud. Happy. Clean. And then my kids came in running for the bathroom making a mess once again. And I yelled.
And then I stopped. Am I home with my house or home with my kids?
One day, in a few short years, (ok 18 or so) your house will be clean, no toys, dirty bottles, cups or dishes. No extra blankets or bottles or dresses and you will wish for these days again.
As a woman, as a mother, I can promise you that Liz would be so focused on your child she wouldn’t remember the dirty dishes or the clothes in the laundry basket. You are being home with your child not home with your house – and that’s a GOOD thing, at least in my books.
My friend told me about that restaurant with the birdcages! It sounds super fun, and probably a little trippy…haha.
I am officially all caught up on your blog! Hopefully all is well, and I am looking forward to meeting you, Madeline and all the wonderful creeps on Sunday. Hoping for good weather!
Liz wouldn’t of cared about a messy house. She is looking down and is extremely happy at how great you are doing with Madeline……*HUGS*
great!!!
i’m craying when i hear that!!
great!!
i love little maddy!!
wish u all d’best!!
Honestly, who gives a damn what your house looks like? Enjoy these days with Madeline….
have you met that alec soth being he’s a mn boy and all? i spent over a stinkin hour just lookin’ through all of his pictures. those are some sweet photos, so no complaints.
hope all is well. enjoy the weekend!
EXCUSE ME, old chap. I think you’ve half-inched some of our stuff.
Or words to that effect.
And hey, no girling around from me. You’re right that Liz would be pissed when the house is untidy. Deep down, and underneath it all, that’s why we loved them, right?
I want to eat at that birdcage place!! What’s it called?
That’s a very scary story about the burglary and I’m so sorry about the jewelry.
I love that you put bows in Maddy’s hair. It is those little things that make what you are doing to incredible, taking the time to do “mommy” touches for Maddy, and for Liz’s sake. That is awesome that Liz yelled at the burglars. She sounds like one tough cookie. I wish we could have known her.
I often think that Charley would be mortified at the shit hole my house(s) have become, and sometimes the knowledge and memory make me laugh and giggle, sometimes they make me irritated because he’s not here to pick all this shit up (hey, he promised to do his share! he’s seriously slacking these past 3 1/2 years), sometimes unbelievably angry that he’s dead and I’m alone, and sometimes sad. You just never know when a particular memory will trigger you or set you off–either for good or bad.
Glad you had a nice trip to NY (and the one to Nashville too). And like you, I have some amazing pictures of Charley that I took mere weeks before he died. And I treasure them greatly, particularly this one. Otherwise I’d have no pictures of him on his bicycle, during a race. It was the one and only time I tried…much less got a good shot out of it (the other dozen or more sucked). And it was a race he nearly won too.
And he was dead 13 days later.
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