feb. 26.
less than a
month away.
then what?
today maddy played with
some of the
jewelry i purchased
to replace the stuff
liz
had stolen from her
last year.
and today was
the day that my
bob ross painting
came home.
i need to find
an empty wall.
i think
liz
would suggest one
of the walls in
the garage.
next to
the wesley willis drawing,
the jeff mangum drawing,
(i should really bring all of those in the house).
feb. 27.
friday.
the days can
get a little boring
when we’re not
traveling, but then
i finish the work
day and maddy and
i go home and
play as if we
don’t have a care
in the world.
in those moments,
i don’t.
feb. 28.
saturday.
we’ve been in the
house too long.
decided we’d go
visit our friends in
joshua tree.
nice long drive
with the robot
and maddy,
the longest one
she has ever
been on,
during which we listened
to a lot of glen campbell.
(i have no idea why i’ve been listening to him so much lately).
actually, she slept
the entire drive,
which sucks,
’cause it would have
been nice to
hear her singing voice.
on the way,
we drove past
the exit for
liz’s
college.
i thought about
all the times i
came out to
visit her,
the shuttle from
lax, east on the 10,
exit #47.
a few miles
toward the mountains
and there i was.
in the one
place i wanted
to be.
and now?
just memories.
that’s all i
have left.
arrived in joshua tree,
a place we always
planned to visit.
met up with
alaina and benjamin,
did a little walking
around their home
for the weekend,
and discovered evidence
that there
were hipsters way
back in the 70s.
then we headed
down the road
for some snacks,
but not before
running into
these guys:
then maddy played
in the middle of
a dirt road.
from there we
went into the
desert for some photos.
then the robot
got in on
the action.
from there we drove
out to keys view
and took
in the scenery
later we drove
to the spot
near where one
of the best rock & roll
death stories
of all time.
(it’s actually the post-death part that’s most interesting).
we always wanted to
go to this place.
now i am here.
it’s not as romantic
as one may expect,
but nothing about
death actually is.
alaina and benjamin
got a little tired
so we drove them
back to their
place for a nap,
and maddy and i
continued our adventure.
we stopped off
for a little lunch
then stopped along
the way,
putting my camera
remote and tripod
to use.
it was almost
time for the sun
to set,
so we headed
to the house,
where we sat and
watched it disappear
behind the mountains.
a quick dinner
with our friends
and then it was
back to los angeles.
one thing i can
say about madeline
is that she’s
a quiet travel companion.
once again,
she slept the
entire way home.
that gave me
a lot of time
to think.
and that’s something
i’m not all
that interested in
doing these days.
march 1st.
sunday.
how did we
get this
far so quickly?
it seems to me
that the anticipation
is going to
be worse than
the actual anniversary.
and i know
that shit will
not be magically better
when march
26th rolls around.
but still…
can’t we just skip
right to the
24th,
then on to april?
woke up and
spent the day
playing with maddy
and cleaning up
the house.
eventually alaina and benjamin
arrived from their
joshua tree trip
and hung out with us.
madeline introduced benjamin
to the red balloon and
paddle to the sea.
then it was time
to head to griffith
park for our play date.
some familiar faces
as well as a ton
of new ones.
maddy had a great time
playing with everyone,
but got a little
fussy toward
the end of the day.
her nose was
running, so
it looks like she
picked up
a cold from
one of her
snot-nosed brethren
at daycare.
we went home,
ordered in some
thai food then
said goodbye to
our buddies.
maddy whined until
she finally fell asleep
around 10:00,
then i spent the
rest of my night writing.
monday.
march 2nd.
we stayed home sick.
madeline was
definitely out of
sorts, and i felt
like shit,
both physically and mentally.
we took it easy
on the couch,
listening to some
records and trying to
keep from coughing.
neither one of us
slept that night.
this is where
things get really hard.
no tag-team partner
whose hand i
can slap to
enter the ring…
that means there’s
no sharing, no alternating
of responsibilities.
with half-opened eyes
and a
sickness of my own,
i have to rub madeline’s
back consoling
her until she
falls back asleep.
then i have to lay
awake for
the next few hours
watching enough
adult swim programing
to keep me from
thinking about
liz.
and then i worry about
what i”m gonna do
if this madeline’s illness
continues for
a few days?
or what if mine
gets worse?
i can’t tell
liz
it’s her turn.
and i can’t leave
her with anyone
while i go
off to work.
yes.
i worry about
all of this.
and just when i’m
ready to pass out
from the
pure exhaustion
of everything that
weighs down upon me,
madeline is up
again, crying and
quite literally,
climbing the walls.
and after all
of this
i still have to
wake up
in the morning,
get us both ready
to get out the door,
and be a functioning,
(somewhat) professional adult
at my job.
yes.
it’s fucking difficult,
but i wouldn’t
trade it for anything
in the world.
but i must say that
a little
night time help
would me tremendous right
about now.
tuesday,
march 3.
no sleep,
but maddy seems
a little better
than yesterday
and i need to
go to work.
i figure i’ll drop her
off at daycare
and at the
very worst, she’ll perpetuate
the sickness cycle
that probably originated
there in the first place.
so that’s what
we did.
off to daycare,
off to work.
that night i gave
maddy some motrin
to help ease
her pain.
there was nothing
for me
to take,
so i sat in bed
and read.
march 4th.
wednesday.
same thing that
happened on tuesday
happened again
on wednesday.
and that night
i realized that a
year ago
i was blissfully unaware
of how significantly
my life would
change over the
next three weeks.
march 5th
thursday.
one year ago today,
liz
walked down
the front steps
of our house
for the
last time.
we would both
go to work,
then visit the doctor
in the late afternoon.
we would hear
that her amniotic fluid
was low,
that the umbilical
cord was around
maddy’s neck,
and that
liz
needed to go
to the hospital
immediately.
we worried
for our baby.
fuck.
how do i stop
from thinking about
all of this shit?
why do
i do this to myself.
i think it’s because
i’m trying to
hold on to
those last moments,
whatever they
are, even if
they open up
wounds that can’t
be closed.
fuck this.
we’re both still
feeling like shit,
but i have to
take care of some things
at work.
so we went through
the motions once again.
maddy spent the
evening crawling
around the house,
pulling herself up
using the coffee table
for leverage,
and i watched her
do it,
knowing that she’s
my coffee table.
friday.
march 6.
today i got
a call from maddy’s
daycare suggesting
that i take her
to the doctor.
the call came at
the end of my
work day, so i didn’t
have to worry
about asking to
take off again.
i got her
a last-minute appointment
and we sat
in the “sick”
waiting room for
a few minutes
talking to the nurses
until her name
was called.
a different doctor
this time
(that’s what happens when you call at the last minute).
an ear infection and
a nasty cold.
off to the pharmacy.
learned that the
pharmacy can add
a variety of flavors
to a child’s medicine
for a $2.00 fee.
two things:
1. where the hell was this shit when i was a kid?
2. i can’t believe they charge you $2 for this.
they may as well
have charged me $100,
’cause i’m gonna
do whatever it
takes to make this
medicine swallowing thing
a lot easier
on my favorite daughter.
got home
and tried to give
her the medicine.
it seems that
i picked the
wrong flavor,
because i spent the
next few minutes
holding her
arms down with
my knees,
while trying
to keep her
head still
with my elbows as
i squirted all
of the medicine
into her mouth
(i wish i could have gotten some video of this…kind of resembled a game of twister).
again…some help
here would have
been nice.
someone to hold
her down,
or at the very least,
someone to play
the good guy afterwards,
the one who didn’t
just spray her
tongue down with
orange-flavored medicine,
to hold her and
make her feel better.
after what i
just did to
her, the last thing
she wanted me
to do was
hug her and rub
her back.
new term for
maddy’s anger:
medicine pissed.
(not quite robot pissed, but pretty fucking close).
she finally went to
sleep and i
was finally alone
with this…
a year ago,
sometime in the middle
of the night,
some nurses came in
and told us that
maddy was coming out.
huh?
we thought
liz
was just here
to rest.
nope.
heart rate dropping,
too much trouble.
time to
come out.
we had no idea
this would happen
so suddenly.
back then.
how very optimistic
of me.
and with that,
this all began…
the blog,
the fear,
my gray hair.
i never imagined we’d
be here.
fuck.
211 Comments
Matt- that video is actually kind of awesome. The background looks fake, obviously it isn’t.
Sick babies are no fun… my sister (4) and brother (almost 2) just got over the flu. It was so horrible… especially since I got it too
Anyway… the desert photos are beautiful! I look forward to your next post.
When Madeline is ill, that has to be the worst times. And even when that illness is only very minor. It is emotionally, and actually, exhausting.
But $2 for medicine manipulation? What a discovery. I wish you luck with future flavour choices, as well as sending my thoughts, obviously.
Matt, I have loved ready your blog for quite a while now! Your honesty is amazing and on so many levels good for any parent to hear! Parenting is a struggle and a joy and every one of us doubts our own worth! You are doing an amazing job, and your love for Maddy will outweigh any shortcomings that you feel you may have (and she will never see). Good luck in the next month! I will be staying tuned.
…and on a side note from a mother of young ones – pick cherry next time. =)
Whenever the baby I used to babysit was sick, in pain, fussing, and screaming in the middle of the night. I’d call his Mom and she’s tell me to give him a little children’s benadril. She’s a doctor and told me this would knock him out, it worked quite well. Your daughter is so very cute =)
By now you may have already learned this – but I always squirt the meds into the cheek towards the back of the mouth and my kids take it like champs – they’ve swallowed it before they know what’s going on – but now, they actually ASK for medicine! (we do grape in our house)
though we haven’t had to take an antibiotic ever – so that might taste way worse than motrin or tylenol!
Hi Matt,
I love your blog. Just a tip about giving medicine. My son is 2 years old and just hates it too. My daycare lady told me to do this: Sit on the floor, lay your child between your legs- literally her head between your legs (face up of course!) and you can put your legs over her arms so she can’t move. It sounds barbaric, but really the other option is worse. We were using both parents (we are lucky for two) to restrain him, and not being very successful at it. This head between the legs thing is pretty calming for him. He still cries and I still sometimes have to pry his mouth open, but he’s not kicking and pushing me with arms. You can also squeeze your thighs gently, holding her head and body close inside.
Yeah, this is the weirdest response I’ve ever written.
Good luck!!
You are a good man, great father, and a loving husband.
You inspire me daily and show me how powerful love is. Keep up the good work.
Don’t try to resist the memories that flood back. Believe it or not there will be a point that they are comforting. Also, in my experience, year 1 is nothing compared to the pain of year 2. Year 1 is all about survival but 2 was much harder for me. Mainly because people in my life were like “really you are still carrying on with all this my brother died stuff?” Granted, I did not lose my wife and I don’t have a child, but I lost my best friend, my brother and grief is grief. Actually grief is a form of madness and you just go through it as best you can, some days are golden and others just downright suck. So just trust your instincts and take it a day at a time, and not to sound too self help here but maybe a support group for widowers could be helpful. Hang in there and know you are prayed for. I think of you a lot and know how hard all of this is.
Your posts just break my heart! I’m so sorry you have to deal with all of this sadness and happiness at the same time.
Oh, and I know all about ‘medicine pissed’….that is one MAD baby huh?!!
Hey Matt. I recently became a mom and I can’t imagine going it alone. But I have to say you are a fantastic dad…don’t ever doubt yourself. Maddy is beautiful just like Liz. I don’t know you but I think about you always….keep your head up…everyone is rooting for you.
It’s so sad that this happened to you and maddy. I remember the last time my dad left the house to go to the hospital. We thought he just had a bad cold and after three days in the hospital he went into a coma. He died thre three weeks later from West Nile Virus. I remember that day his last day home and every word he said to me. That was 2 1/2 years ago.
I have been helping my brother with Sophia giving her medicine. What seems to work for me is taking that dropper they give you and squeezing alittle at a time. We tried putting all of the medicine in her mouth at one time, while holding her down with her head back, and sometimes holding her nose so that she swallows the medicine but somehow she always manages to spit it out. For some reason when I give her a little squirt at a time she takes it.
My brother has been feeling very frustrated just like you, he keeps thinking back. This was a hard week for all of us because Jackie went into the Hospital in labor on June 12 (Thursday) and had Sophia and passed away on Friday the 13th. As you know this week Friday was Friday the 13th.
I will tell you what I tell him, hang in there time will ease the pain, you will never forget but you will learn how to accept. I know that Maddie brings you happiness be thankful Liz left a part of her behind. But like I tell my brother it does sucks that this happened and it really is unfair but I have learned that life isn’t always fair and unfortunately dying is a fact of lfie.
Rosann
You’re doing great! One thing I’ve learned from having 4 kids is that if they wake up and won’t lay back down at night, it’s usually an ear infection b/c the fluids build up and cause pressure/pain when they are laying down. Benadryl will help drain the fluids as well as knock her out so she (and you) can get some sleep! I hope she is doing much better now!
It’s so hard when they’re sick like that and you have no one to ‘spell you off’ as you said. Hang in there. It won’t always be so hard.
Loved the photos – amazing as always.
I can’t believe they only charge you $2 in the LA. I am a nurse in Indiana and our office pharmacy charges $3.50 for flavoring!!! But on the otherhand, I have paid it, ha!
Also a tip, blow (gently) on her face and it will cause her to take a breath and she will swallow the medicine right down, of course she still may be “medicine pissed” lol!
You are doing great, keep it up!
Try the strawberry flavoring next time, it seems to be a hit. My prayers are with you guys always, but especially over the next few weeks. You are doing such a great job.
I have nothing deep and wise to say, but maybe a little something to make the medicine giving a bit less traumatic?
My daughter is about 2 weeks older than Maddy and HATES the medicine dropper with a burning passion. What works the quickest for me is to put her laying on the changing table, get both wrists in one hand, I lean over far enough that my chest keeps her from turning over while I use my forearm to trap head to one side so she can’t turn away. Then I aim the dropper along one cheek and squeeze the medicine into the back of her mouth.
That sounds awful now that I’m reading it, but I promise it’s not that bad and it’s quick.
Hey Matt,
You have the whole world behind you! Know that to the very depth of your heart!
“Other Patty” from MN
I think Target pharmacy will flavor your medicines for free. (Even the ones that you buy over the counter). Grape works best for us. Another trick on getting the medicine down is to blow in her face a little bit after you get the medicine in her mouth. It catches them off guard and makes them swallow. I used to lay my daughter on the couch or a bed with a pillow to prop her up a bit, squirt the med in with 1 hand and hold her head still with the other hand.
My husband called me one time when I was out of town – he needed to give our daughter some medicine and he sounded like he was ready to throw in the towel. I gave him the advice above and he happily reported that it worked.
You’re doing a great job with her. Don’t be shy about asking friends/family for help when you need it. I’m sure they would be happy to spend the night to let you get some much needed rest.
Great video!
Hang in there! You are doing a great job! You are an inspiration.
First off all the picture at the beginning of the post are just incredible. Nothing else I can say about that. Loved the video too. It made me smile.
Sick baby, sucks, medicine (any flavor) They HATE. One of my daughters (my first of course) had an ear infection everytime she got a cold or virus and she never liked her medicine. But you will fall into a routine that works for you and that 10 days will be over soon. Distraction works the best.
You are indeed such an inspiration for us all!
Your love for Liz is palpable when one reads the blog. It’s quite overwhelming actually. You are strong and you will make it through this.
Great pictures of your trip!
I’m sorry, but I had to laugh at the part about you wresting Maddy to get her to choke down the meds. I’ve been in that spot so many times before (I’m a Mom of 4). It’s not funny at the time, but then later you think back on the energy exerted to get the job done and it’s kind of comical. Little bit.
Anyway, you’re awesome. Sometimes I bet you get sick of hearing that and sometimes I get sick of writing it, but it’s true. I wish there were something more profound or healing or helpful I could say. I wish I could take away some of this awfulness you’re going through. I’d do it, even though you’re a complete stranger.
Next week is going to be a huge mix of emotions. Extreme happiness that you did it! You made it through the first year! But then the extreme sadness of “the day” and that it’s been a year already. Just go through the motions. Feel what you need/want to feel and don’t beat yourself up about re-thinking all of those memories. They hurt now but I promise that they’ll hurt a little less with each passing day and the happiness of the memories will take the sadness’ place a little bit at a time. No, you can’t skip it. We should all be privy to AT LEAST one fast forward moment in life for situations such as these, but that’s just not how it works, unfortunately. Keep being you and all will be well.
Sending many thoughts, prayers and hugs as you approach this next week. Treat yourself to something nice-you deserve it! ♥
this reminds me of the anxiety I felt, in a world so far away from here, when I too was just me and my little boy, and he was sick and I was sick, and I had to work because no one else was working. It’s lonely, even for those of us who haven’t lost anyone
we just chose to go it alone
Also,
these benadryl/loony bin restraint method suggestions seem a little yesterday’s parenting news
dry air is good for ear infections,
but crabbiness does bloom, otitis media,
and did you know (probably you did)
the duke spirit recorded a track or 2 @ joshua tree?
I actually think the anticipation is worse than the actual anniversary. It was for me at least, though now that it’s been “over a year” I feel like I have to act a lot more sane because I don’t have an excuse any more.
I suggest Bubble Gum Flavor. Or Cotton Candy, if they have it.
I don’t think it will stop hurting, but it will get more numb. And because of that and because of your “coffee table” it’s going to be ok. You are making it ok. I hope for you a happy week that is more celebration than sorrow. Just look at what you’ve done. Scroll through your photos of the last year and look at that healthy, happy, gorgeous baby that Liz created and that you are helping to grow in the most magnificent way.
Loved the video in the desert. Don’t you love pulling stuff out of her mouth!? The joys of parenting.
I’m sorry you were both sick. Neither of my girls liked the orange meds either. Pink bubble gum is the only stuff I can get them to swallow. And I remember holding my oldest down once… it went pretty much the way you described!
I don’t care what anybody says…I still hate any and all liquid medicine and I have now passed the hate of meds. on to my 3 children. The best trick I have is to hide it in a bite of ice cream or grape jelly. Of course my kids are now 3, 5, and 7…so it doesn’t go over as well as it once did! Anyway~ you and Maddy are in my thoughts and prayers! Keep on keepin’ on!
I second the cherry flavor!
Sorry about the recent flood of memories. And I’m sure the illness going on between the two of you wasn’t easy either. Try bubblegum flavor next time, my daughter loves it. She would down that sucker like it was a shot of liquid candy. I’m sure the next few weeks won’t be easy but we’re all thinking about you and wishing you the very best.
Matt
I have been reading your blog for a while now without responding. Mostly due to the fact that I was not sure what to say. You have lost almost everything and yet gained so much also. I think folks are so drawn to your blog because of your honesty and ability to put your emotions into words.
Remember kids are reslient (sp) and can live through most things imperfect loving parents put them thru. This month will be hard, keep Maddy close, and fuck the rest of it!
Nancy from Indiana. (L&D nurse)
poor things – having a baby be sick is so heartbreaking because you feel so helpless. Here’s hoping Madeline feels better soon.
Matt – I wanted you to know that, in my experience, the anticipation of the anniversary IS the worst. I haven’t experienced what you have, but I did lose a parent when I was 26, and in the years following, it was the weeks before the anniversary that I found the hardest – and the anniversary, for whatever reason, wasn’t as traumatic as I thought it would be. I’m not trying to compare our situations – just letting you know my experience. Also – having a sick baby is awful, and I feel for you that there is no one to pass her off to – being a working mom with a baby in daycare, I have also been guilty of plying her with Tylenol and sending her off, hoping for the best. We’re doing the best we can.
PS Loved the video. It got me all choked up – not sure why. Although I did laugh at you wiping the baby food on your jeans…I have done that a million times too. So much for being clean, huh?
Matt, you are doing a great job. Single parenting is hard… I’m struggling a lot myself right now, with a 6 year old boy who needs a dad, but not HIS dad. It’s worse when you’re sick, even if they are healthy, because you don’t get the rest you need. It’ll get better, the pain will never leave but eventually it will lessen.
And like all the others have said, squirting the meds in the back of the mouth is a great trick. The other thing I do to my son due to his tendency to spit it out is to blow in his face as soon as you squirt the meds. It surprises him and he swallows before he can spit it out. He prefers the grape flavor over any other and it’s nice because it’s clear.
Next time, try grape flavor. My daughter (pretty close to Madeline’s age) really loves the grape flavor. Also, have you tried Baby Vicks Vapo Rub? That might help her sleep when she has a cold. When my daughter has a cold and has trouble breathing, we usually let her sleep in her swing so she’s not lying flat. Maybe something like will help next time?
Thinking of you as you go through the next couple of weeks.
Matt, those photos are breath-taking. Simply incredible.
My son also has gets “medicine pissed”, too. The problem, though, is that he’s 2 years old now and won’t take medicine at all. Children’s Tylenol or Advil? He just spits it up or let it drool out of his mouth…confident in knowing that he isn’t going to swallow it. It’d be funny if it weren’t so frustrating.
Hope she’s feeling better.
I don’t know if Maddy still takes a bottle but if you put the medicine in an empty nipple and pop it in her mouth while showing her a bottle – she will probably drink it before she realizes what’s going on. Hope you’re both feeling better soon!
hugs hugs hugs. you are doing AWESOME!! hang in there…
Matt,
I’m sure I’m not the only one that feels this way, but I cannot even begin to articulate what I feel after reading this. I’m hoping that everyday will eventually be getting easier and easier for you. The video of lunch in the desert, ugh, what an awesome memory captured so perfectly. You’re doing great.
Hi Matt
I’m sorry Maddy isn’t feeling well! I second Darcie’s method of administering medicine. It work every time. I would not recommened giving Benadryl to drug your child to sleep. For starters, it’s just wrong, but it can also have the exact opposite effect on some kids nad make then very hyper.
You’re not going to be alone next week, are you? But I don’t blame you for wanting to fast forward from the 24th to April 1st.
Hope Maddy is feeling better. Hugs to both of you.
You can hold her nose while you make her swallow. That sounds terrible, doesn’t it. It helped with my daughter since when you can’t smell you don’t taste either.
Matt, you are a GREAT dad. While Maddie doesn’t have her mom, she has you. And you are awesome.
My daughter Nora (3 yrs) has had to take medicine a lot in her wee life. One trick I’ve learned-hide the crap taste in premade chocolate milk or really chocolate-y homemade stuff. I just put it in her sippy cup and she’ll drink it right down. Hope this helps. Good luck in the next few weeks.
hint: bubblegum, banana or strawberry are winners of the flavor additives for the meds.
I loved the video, especially you wiping the food on your pants! The scenery was beautiful…I love your photography as usual.
I hope you’re able to get through the next 9 days okay….
thinking about you…
Hang in there, Matt. April’s coming. Sometimes all you can do is cope. Yup, Maddy is your coffee table. You’re doing great. Big hug.
gorgeous pictures.
always wanted to visit joshua tree.
& it sucks shit’s so hard.
death really does suck.
march 24th is a significant day to me, too – the day my dad took his life. it’ll be 12 years this year, he’s officially been out of my life longer than he was in it.
& to this day, i can remember the way he smelled the last time i saw him. that stuff never goes away, it just gets easier to handle.
Hoping the anniversary passes as quickly as it is coming. Though a long celebration of that baby’s birth in between will work!!
Medicine sucks, my kids tend to favor the grape flavor, and I often give in tandem with the binkie – you know lie baby back with binkie in mouth, pop binkie out, squirt in meds, pop binkie back in. Not always effective, but it works sometimes!!
that video was breathtaking. The simplicity of your love, yet knowing the heartache behind it moves me to tears.
How lucky Maddy is.
Oh, and bubble gum, berry and grape. Those are the winners.
Just make sure the docs never try to prescrible liquid penicilin, the dose is huge and the flavor is shit no matter what they do to it. The amoxil is always better tasting and a smaller dose and has the same type of drug. The video was awesome. Will be thinking of you over the next few weeks
First of all, great pics as always….I would gladly let you come to SC and take some for me
What I’ve discovered w meds, I hold her in my arms, kinda cradling, like you did wheb she was a newborn with her head back, a just put it in in spurts.
I’ve been thinking about you the whole month of March…I can’t imagine how hard this all must be for you. There really aren’t words, but my thoughts are w you and Maddy, and I hope that she has a wonderful birthday!!
If I had a nickel for everytime I wished that Jacob had a father to help me out in times like those I would be an incredibly rich woman… I remember one time I had the flu, a 102 degree fever, and no one to keep him. I have never been so sick in my life (or if i was, i can’t remember) I could barely get off of the floor let alone parent my son. It was terrible! He spent most of the entire day in his play pen watching movies… I felt terrible but, nothing I could do. It sucks when that happens!
When I buy medicine for Jacob I usually get him cherry flavored and he sucks it right down. He can’t stand anything else. You could try mixing it with orange flavored juice or something of that nature.
Try reading this. http://www.parents.com/baby/care/pediatricians-medicine/how-to-get-babies-to-take-medicine/
and good luck in the future!
I would recommend either bubble gum or grape flavor next time! Hope she recovers from her cold and ear infection quickly!
Matt,
Be sure to check with your pharmacist before mixing any foods/drinks with the prescription! Food and/or drinks can make some medicines less effective–and after all your hard work in getting that nasty stuff down her, it would totally suck to have it not be working! I also second the “don’t give her Benadryl” tip!! She’s too small and young, and you would not find a pharmacist who would safely recommend it to you. She’ll be feeling better soon, so hang in there.
As always, you’re doing a FANTASTIC job!!! Keep up the great work of being the best dad in the west! Loved the video and the music…appreciate you sharing it with us.
Hugs to Maddy and you!
You can put the meds in apple sauce or anything else you know she likes. I had to do that with my son last round of Strep he had. This was the first time we had to do antibiotics for 10 days. Our nurse said it was perfectly fine to mix it in things and that you can give it throughout the day as long as they get the full dose within the day. Hope that helps! It was a life saver for us.
Grief is grief and there’s no short cut through it, which SUX!!…lol… I’ve lost both parents now and it does get easier but it never leaves, just changes….hang in there and treasure every moment in her little life. What an awesome way to document your moments with you’re daughter!
Hi Matt,
I haven’t written again since I wrote about 12 days after Liz’s death. I was one of the original “cribsheet” posters who you reached out to way back when. It’s been a really long year. I also can’t believe it’s almost back around to that date.
I can tell from your writing that you’re feeling like you’re coming up to the abyss or something. But this time when the date comes you won’t be alone – I know that you’d give up all of us new “friends” to have just a moment more with Liz. But at least you do have us. Can you come back to MN as the date approaches? It’s turning into a beautiful spring and there really is a hope for new life here that I just can’t imagine you have in LA. Anyway, I hope you can get some enjoyment in planning to celebrate Maddy’s first b-day – anticipating the wonderful parts like getting cake all over her. Maybe focus just on that impending date and don’t worry about the rest. It will just be another 24 hours. You’ll be fine.
Matt,
I am sure you have and will get tons of advice about giving meds. But here is mine
Chloe hates taking her meds, so I hold her like I am about to feed her a bottle (cradle position) so I can get my right arm around her body and then I feed the meds to her slowly and since her head is on my arm she cant turn her head away and is forced to take it. Also the pacy does help cc it forces her to swallow.
It will get easier with time….and then sometimes hard again. But you are right, it is all worth it! You are doing great! As usual great post and love the pics!!
hi matt!
i just wanted to say that you have the most adorable kid EVER. and i’m not just saying that, because some people do. they just say you have a cute kid because they think that it’ll make you feel better, but yours is actually cute. no kidding.
orange is never good as medicine. go for the grape.
I’ve written you multiple times, but I know you’re a crazy busy guy. The whole obsessing over those last few thoughts will be with you forever. My mom died five years ago and to this day I still obsess over the little things, those things that at the moment we didn’t realize would be permanently burned in our minds. I want you to know that it WILL get better. You will still think about all the things you could of cherished, those last memories you could of made 100 times more important; but know that there’s nothing in the world that can prepare you for death. No one can tell you had to feel, a million people can tell you that you’re going to be okay and come out of this with a better outlook on life, but in the end it’ll be you that figures out how to grieve, it’ll be you who can decide when to let the cookie crumble and just break down, it’ll be you to inspire Maddy. Matt, you’re a true inspiration.
Hey there Matt,
No matter how much reading these make me cry…I am always looking for the next one! I’ve found myself thinking of you & Maddy a lot lately, due to the upcoming date!
((HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADDY))
My only suggestion with the medicine, would be to try grape! It is the undisputed champion in our home too! I spent 7+ years being a single parent…and it is VERY hard! Hardest job you’ll ever do…pays for shit…but is more rewarding than ANYTHING else you could ever imagine doing! ((Plus, with such an incredibly adorable little princess…you must fall in love with her, daily)) I can’t say it gets easier…you do the best you can…and you’ll always be her hero…no matter how medicine pissed she gets!!!
From a complete stranger/outsider…you are doing such an incredible job! Madeline is lucky you’re her daddy!
You’re an incredible father. I suggest grape for the flavor! It was ALWAYS my favorite. And, I’m a girl … girls like purple and grape! haha.
You’re going to have mountains to climb but you will sail over them with ease. It may not feel like it at the time but when you’re sitting there watching that beautiful girl graduate from college you are going to look back and say … “it went too fast.”
She’s lucky to have such a wonderful daddy.
I’m sure someone else has mentioned it but I always squirt the medicine in the side of their mouth as far back as possible. They can’t use their tongue to push it back out that way. Maddy is too young for this now but my 3 year old loves to give himself medicine. We use the syringe type medicine things and he likes to push in the button thing himself. (I’m so technical with the terms, huh?).
I can’t even begin to imagine how tough it is to do it all alone. Shortly after my first child was born I gained a new respect for single parents. You are doing an amazing job, Matt!
Next time when giving the medicine put it in the back side of her cheek and then blow in her face. She will take a breath and gulp! I have twin boys and damn they can fight.
I also wanted to say that I think that it’s great your taking Madeline away for the “day” . The two people you need to take care of that day are YOU and the living product of your love. No one can fault you for how you grieve. You have to follow the process that your heart, mind and soul needs. You are a beautiful person who is doing the best he can. Your raising a daughter that is healing your soul. One day at a time Matt, thats all you need to worry about. One day at a time.
I didn’t read all the comments, so this suggestion may be redundant: put the drugs into a bottle with enough milk/formula so Maddy won’t be suspicious and feed it to her when she’s hungry. This was the least traumatic way to medicate my kids.
It sucks to have a sick child. You would do ANYTHING for them to feel better. My husband is in the Navy, so there are times I have to do these things alone. I couldn’t imagine doing them alone permenantly. You are doing a great job, and Maddy is lucky to have you. I hope everyone is doing better.
I love (and am SO jealous of) your Bob Ross painting!! All the “happy little trees”! I used to love the “and this little one over here will just be out little secret” … now it just sounds creepy. =(
How did it come into your possession?
I know this has to be an incredibly difficult month. I don’t have anything helpful or poignant to say. I just don’t feel right reading every day and not chiming in once in a while to let you know how much we think of you. As others have said, I have a tremendous amount of respect for single parents, although I know you would give anything for it to be two rather than one.
You’ve gotten lots of great medicine-dosing advice, so I’ll let that go. Let me know the first time you have to give her eye drops for pink eye, though. I got that down to a science when my kids were toddlers…it involves nearly sitting on them, but it works!
The flavors you added to medicine never worked for my kids.
Some pharmacies do it for free so ask them. Some flavors make the medicine taste worse.
I hope you get some rest and Maddy feels better soon.
what you’ll read in the next post is that i found a very effective way to give her the medicine…oddly enough, it has not yet been suggested by any of the commentors. i’m curious to see if anyone else has used the same trick (i think it only works with really
gullibleyoung children.that said, i love all of the suggestions…keep them coming, ’cause soon enough she’ll get wise to my current medicine-administering tactics and i’ll need something new.
You know I have a bit…well, a lot….of experience with the baby medicines. The most popular seem to be bubblegum and grape. Orange and cherry make my Maddie gag.
As far as getting the medicine into her mouth, I have done the baby wresting many a time. Maddie used to get fooled into taking it if I squirted it into a nipple, but then she got too smart for that. Then I started mixing a little bit of formula/pediasure/pedialite with the medicine and putting it in a bottle. That always works – as long as she finishes the bottle.
Hopefully this is something you won’t have to do for a while.
Next time Maddy is sick, I’m coming to help you. I have wicked sick baby skills.
I have two kids and have had to use the dreaded surprise attack tactic on both. Made us all feel horribly afterward. As they got older, stronger. and way hip to me and “the surprise attack” started to border on child abuse, I had to rethink this and went with the more humane tactic, mixing it in juice. Only my kids have supersonic senses and immediately spit out the juice. I tried mixing it in apple sauce but they could still taste it. What’s working for me lately is berry flavored sauces instead of apple. I guess the cherry flavored medicine is masked by the other berry flavors. HA! Got ‘em! Feel victorious…:) Once they catch on to this, i’m considering bribing them with favors, toys, candy, money….HEY, whatever works.
I know this is a tough month for you. Though nothing anyone says can fill your void, know that we will all be thinking of you both and whispering quiet prayers. Hope April comes quickly for you.
My heart is just breaking for you, Matt. Just cannot imagine how gut-wrenching nearly every breath must be these days. I don’t know how you do it. I can’t even read most of the comments here anymore, for all the pain that’s gushing out of so many people who have lost so much, and now found you — even while I’m not willing to miss a word or picture, for all the grace, love, strength, and beauty that’s expressed.
Every now and then I get just one nano-second long flash of what it must be like, the absolute fucking enormity of your loss, and theirs, and I practically double over just from that. This anticipation must be agonizing. I’m so glad at least this one thing will be over soon. I’m half hoping you get some gut-bug in Mexico and spend most of the 25th sleeping and doubled over a toilet, so at least it passes while you’re in a fog, with a physical outlet for the psychic pain. (I’ll accept your call as to whether that makes me nuts or pragmatic. Either’s possible on any given day.)
And so I’m not popping in just taking up space, here’s a tip I hope might be useful: You don’t seem like a big fan of doing laundry, so you might want to throw a washcloth, hand towel, bib, bandanna, or whatever in the diaper bag with Maddy’s food, then tuck it in your pocket hanging out (like a mechanic) when you feed her on the go, that way you can still catch all the drips (and scoop the dirt, bugs, grass and what not out of her mouth) with your fingers, but still keep your jeans clean enough to wear another day or two without them getting so crusty they crack.
(Bring a sandwich bag to stuff it into after, too.)
Apart from that little nugget of wisdom, well…be well, hang in there, and try to give yourself over to the memories as much as you can bear. So painful because of what isn’t, I’m sure, but there’s just much to be thankful for in what was, just in THAT IT WAS at all, that it might offer a little comfort in dealing with what is. (In a lame analogy from a fellow traveler, like fondly remembering your time in a country you no longer inhabit.)
All my best…xo.
You know, shit WILL be better the 26th.
Not magically, not completely, but better nonetheless. In my opinion, real healing can only begin after you’ve worked through all of those firsts, all of those, “Last year this time, we were…..”
I’ll be keeping you and your little beauty close in thought and prayer over the next few weeks. They’ll be difficult, I know. But just remember that some real healing is around the corner.
Hugs.
OMG, not to make matters seem minimal with such a small person. You poor thing. You make me cry and laugh at the same time, not many people or things do that. I’m amazed at your resiliency, strength (yes) and caring all over and over.
Bob ross, Gram Parsons and Jeff Mangum will most likely end up at Christies one day, like paint by number or Jess Collins, BFA 1951, one never knows.
Chicken soup and hot tea.
take care
Memories care a blessing and a curse. But, it helps to keep Liz alive in your mind.
I truly feel for you being sick with a sick kid. Not the same situation, but I had a spinal tap and became low on fluid to my head (that expalins a lot, my hubby might say). But, before I was able to get into the Dr for a procedure I had to tide over two small ones for most of the day with a terrible headache and a husband out of town. No good.
I so wish that skipping all days after March 24 would help change everything for you. I would do it in a minute if it could.
Always go with grape!
Dear Matt,
I hardly ever cry anymore when I read your posts. But this one. oh this one..all alone doing what you thought you would be doing with Liz. If I could help, I would, to give you a break. Never am I at a loss for words as you know, but tonight, just sleep well, and rest. Gosh, my heart is broken tonight. I am so sorry.
Love the song on the video….so beautiful! If you have time, can you please let me know who sings it? No advice on the medicine, but congrats on finding your own way to get Maddy to take hers!
Thinking of you, Matt. I’m sorry you were both sick. I hope Maddy is feeling much better, now. The pictures from Joshua Tree are gorgeous!
I vote grape or cherry, and I’m a grown up kid who still insists on flavoring my medicine
what song is that in your lunch video??
hang in there matt…
Matt – No suggestions on the flavors. A kind nurse showed me early on to take Mags’ cheeks in one hand and pinch them together like you’re trying to make fish lips and put the medicine in (while she’s laying down with her head slightly elevated – I use the diaper changing table with a blanket folded up on it). The cheek pinching doesn’t allow any spitting and she usually wants to immediately swallow when you let go of her. It usually goes right down. We did learn to sit her up right after it, otherwise once we saw the entire contents of her stomach (I think this had more to do with the sickness she had, then bad technique). And medicine is medicine is Mags’ is still medicine pissed, but at least we know it’s in her.
The year Papa was so sick I spent every holiday trying to have as much fun as I could with him – knowing that it was likely his last with us (which it was). Hanging on to memories, when it’s all that you have feels empty when you want the real thing. And the fucking emptiness sucks – and I can only imagine how compounded it is on no sleep with no one to tag-team.
May the days seem brighter, if only from the sun.
Though I am not a “single mother”, my husband seems to always be working when I have to give my kids (5&6) meds. My trick, over the years has been to hold them on my lap with an arm wrapped around their arms and a leg around their legs, grab open the jaw and squirt the meds to the very back of their throat. The pressure forces them to swallow.
It sounds mean … but would you rather have a mad, healthy kid … or a sick grumpy kid?
Matt,
Do you ever think of moving back to MN to be closer with your family?
As always, wishing you and Maddy the best.
Hmm I ‘m curious to find out what medicine trick you learned and please do tell! With my daughter she actually loved medicine, still does. Weird little thing. But my son, it’s a flippin fight!
I do the whole use my legs and elbows to hold him down and squirt medicine in his mouth! hahahaha
Sick kids are no fun. My husband works nights so when he is working I”m the one getting up at night and day and it is no fun. but I always find a way to get up. I got a rocking chair and for some reason that helps not only my kids but me too. I always enjoy rocking them while they are little. I enjoy it now because when they get older they will not want me around them, ‘ll be too “uncool.” hahaha
I just squirt the medicine in their cheek and I plug their nose for like two second. They swallow it. hahaha
I loved the desert photos and the video was awesome! I was laughing at Madeline trying to eat the dirt. hahaha thats great! I remember my daughter doing that. I honestly can’t wait for my son to do it. lol
HUGS let the memories come back. It is hard, but it is what you have left and what you will have to tell her about her awesome mom.
~amazing~ your pictures are amazing!
Did you try adding it to Jelly or even Jello? If she’s too young to have these, please spare me the embarassment…please? Anyway, thanks for being there…it helped…a lot
“pulling herself up
using the coffee table
for leverage,
and i watched her
do it,
knowing that she’s
my coffee table.”
This is a beautiful piece of writing. Such a subtly gorgeous metaphor. I wish I could get my students to write that well.
Hope you’re felling better. Those baby colds really stink (ear infections do, too.)
You inspire me with every post.
medicine pissed — love that.
matt, my heart aches for you just imagining what these days must feel like. the anticipation approaching that fateful day is awful — all those memories flooding back, leading up to the inevitable. my heart and thoughts are with you this month.
I don’t know why, but I pressed play on the video and I just sat here in bed watching and crying. My eyes were finally free of tears, when I came to the part where you call Maddy “your coffee table” and there I went again.
You continue to amaze me and move me to the point of tears. I think you’re an amazing Dad. I hope you take the time to feel like one every once in a while.
As a military spouse I can relate on some levels. When my son was just turning two, my husband was sent to South Korea for a year long tour alone. And of course he travels all the time, quite often to the desert. Those nights when you’re sick, or tired, or just mentally worn out, and your child needs you, it’s just plain hard. I’m sorry you have to experience this for this reason.
On a lighter note, that is my most favorite picture of the robot EVER! Maddy sitting there next to it just made me smile.
We lived at Edwards AFB surrounded by Joshua trees. It’s a desolate, yet beautiful area. Great pics!
Matt, this is the first time I have posted, although I read your blog every single day, and have so now for the past 9 months. I just wanted to let you know that I am with you on wanting these last weeks of March to just magically disappear, and April to be here. You see March 27th of last year my daughter lost her first child, a baby girl named Sophia. She was a week away from her due date and one moment she was here, and the next she wasn’t. I too have been reliving everything that happened last year for the past week…and will more than likely continue to do so. My daughter and her husband are going through much of the same things you are, just in a different way. Hang in there Matt…my heart is with you. Thank you for sharing your Maddi with us. I love watching her grow up. She is absolutely beautiful!! Much hugs and prayers
Matt you are doing a wonderful job! Hope by now you & Maddie are feeling much better. I agree with you 110% on wanting help when you are sick & doin the solo parent thing. I had the flu last month & my 2 yr old twins weren’t sick (thankfully). I wasnt going to take the chance of getting them sick too (can you imagine the flu w/twin toddlers, omg!) so I called in backup… I felt like a complete ass because I dropped them on my mom for almost a week but sometimes it’s just what we have to do. The bonus was I actually got to sleep- something I never thought I’d do again, it was AMAZING!
I’m curious to know your med method. I also squirt it in back towards their cheek. When they were still on forumla I would just mix it in the bottle.
Matt, Love the video of you and Maddy. Very touching! Next time try the Grape flavor! Make new memories in Mexico with Maddy on her first birthday. Can’t wait to see the photo shoot pics! Keep doing what you’re doing… you’re a great daddy to Maddy! XO
Sorry to hear Maddy has been poorly
I loved the Dad moment in the video of you trying to shake the baby food off your fingers then thinking oh fuck it, and just wiped it on your jeans. The big anniversaries are coming so fast. Like a damn freight train now. We’re all here with you Matt.
Here’s a tip my Mom shared with me that she learned when she was a nurse on a peds unit-
When you need to give her medicine, pull her arms up over her head, and hold both of her hands in one of your hands right at the top of her head. Her arms will form a brace of sorts around her head, and she won’t be able to move her head back and forth to avoid the medicine.
I haven’t tried this yet, as I have a strange baby whose mouth flies open at the sight of a medicine dropper… I’m thinking this willingness to take drugs may be something I should keep an eye on as he ages!
Don’t worry,sand is good for them.
Matt I can almost feel the tension building for you as the anniversary gets closer. I’m thinking of you and Madeline. There’s nothing I can do or say that will make you feel better, but please know you have a lot of people out there thinking of you and wishing you well.
Orange usually doesn’t go over well in our house either.
Stick to the “strawberry or cherry” flavoring, that seems to get good reception from the wee ones all the time.
I didn’t have time to read the previous 99 comments but I’m sure they all have great suggestions about how to get the meds down. What always worked for me with my ultra fussy daughter was mixing it in some peach or straberry applesauce. I’d sit her on my lap, give her a spoonful to eat, then her favorite stuffed animal would “clap” for her and she’d get a bite of a cookie or something. It was less painful than having to squirt it way back in her mouth (she always vomited it up anyway).
Been thinking about you this month.
Sick baby + sick parent = misery…especially when you don’t have back up.
I hope y’all recovered quickly.
I wish there was something we could do, any of us, to ease the tension ans pain you are living with.
Hey Matt!
I know I have already commented, but I was curious and you might not even answer??? I was thinking about you and Maddy last night and how it is hard for any single parent! My bestfriend is a single mom and I was as well for a while. I moved back home with my mother. (From NYC to DC)
It’s Sabrina from Philly…again…
Why don’t you move back home with your families and friends? (yours and Liz) Where there is alittle bit more help? It might make those sick days…and nights a bit easier…..
But even so you are doing great and should be proud that you can do it by yourself!! Not many people can do it without some family around after losing someone….Thats why I headed to DC!!!
You made me laugh w/ “medicine pissed!” I wish this was all different for you, but I hope you see how you’ve done an absolutely incredible job with your baby. Take care.
“knowing that she’s my coffee table.” Amazing. My heart is breaking knowing that this anniversary is coming up. You are a fantastic dad, never doubt that. The video made me weep, probably because of the music. Here I go again, crying. I should probably stop reading your blog at work so people stop asking my why I’m so upset. Anyway, you’re inspiring.
A little medicine giving advice: once you drop it in her mouth blow in her face. It will catch her off guard and she will hold her breath for a second then swallow. My mom taught me this and I thought she was crazy, but it still works with my 2 year old!
Ah Matt,
I’m wishing you all the strength and serenity you will need to get through the Next year. Not as dramatic as the first year, but I am sure you know it doesn’t magically all get better as soon as the anniversary is over. So you keep doing what you are doing. I am glad you have your family and so many strangers/friends for support.
I haven’t read all of the posts, but most of them and I didn’t see this tip here. My kids do get robot pissed with medicine…or at least they used to. Now they’re much better. I bribe them with gummy bears now that they’re older. :O)
Anyhooo…when they were little, I’d wrap them up in a blanket, papoose style and sit them in the carseat and buckle them up to keep their legs/arms from hitting me. Then I’d only have to deal with the wild thrashing head. I used a syringe to squirt the medicine little by little into the cheek. Didn’t always work, but did help. There were times when I was sure no medicine was getting into them and I would think they’d end up going to the hospital getting i.v. drugs cause I couldn’t get them to take it. Luckily, that has never happened.
You can also try mixing with applesauce if she likes that. Didn’t work for me, but it does for some kids. And I would happily pay the $2 for flavored medicine. They rarely do that here in Germany and even if they do, it still tastes like shit. You get it au naturel here….blech!
Also, I’m not single, but my husband travels a lot and I’m often in the single parent role b/c of that. I’ve been home before with 2 kids sick and me sick at the same time. It does SUCK! When I’ve gotten desperate enough, I’ve asked a neighbor girl to come over or called a babysitter to come and help me out or just let me sleep for awhile to get some rest. It has been a lifesaver cause I have zero family around. I’ve also brought my kids to other friends houses for playdates and then gone home and rested when really sick. You do what you have to do when there is no one else there to help you.
Ahhh- just thought of one more tip. when she has an ear infection, you can try letting her sleep in her carseat. the pain intensifies when they are prone. Sitting up help eases the pain.
Ok, sorry for the overload! I trust little Miss Maddie is all better now and ready to put her bathing suit back on and hit the beach in Mexico!
I’ll be on a horrendously long flight with a 4 yr old and a 5 yr old on the 25th. Switching planes not once, not twice but three times no less.Send me some of your strength cause I’ll sure need it.
Everybody needs a coffee table Matt.. yours just happens to be a little blonde hair blue eyed darling:) Thinking of you all…
Hola matt
Buen dia
Lovely post! full of beautiful (sometimes painful…sorry!)memories & amazing pics!
my kids refused to take their medicine.. They HATE it…every time they were ill my house was a chaos! …until the pediatrician suggested something like these…http://www.bluffcitywholesale.com/ezy_dose/oral_syringes.htm
(this is a link that I found just to explain how we work out the “take your medicine” issue)
Hope it helps you
Have a nice day
besos y abrazos
sol
The video was amazing! I have read your blog for months, but never commented. The video brought me to tears – it is so wonderful. You are doing an amazing job! I know the coming days will be hard – but know that you have so many people thinking of you and keeping you in our thoughts and prayers
p.s. and it works even we have not the choice to choose a “flavour”…just an AWFUL orange or strawberry!
medicine pissed…love it!
Happy St Patty’s day to you both!!
Firstly, that Gram Parsons is from Winter Haven, Florida, which is my hometown. Weird. Secondly, orange = not best choice. I’ll agree with the reader who said bubblegum and grape. They’re winners every time. My son enjoys taking medicine and often feigns non-existent illness that require the administration of medicine , i.e. “I have a scratch on my toe, I need some Ty-wen-ah.” *rolls eyes*
I’ve heard time and time again, “What a difference a day makes”, but just reading through some of your posts this time last year, it’s really starting to hit me how instantaneously one can lose so much, everything. Thinking of you and Maddy.
I have just started reading your blog and I have to say that I cry just about every time I read your blog. The love you have for your wife is amazing and now the love you have for your little girl, words can not describe it. I do feel sorry for any boy who wants to date your daughter in future knowing the amazing bond you have with her.
Hang in there. I’ve had many nights like you describe and it didn’t help having a second person, I still did all the worrying, I was the one that didn’t sleep, got called at work etc.You are doing great. Check out this Minnesota artist, I just bought a painting from him, go to richardabraham.com to see his stuff. He’s from St. Paul and he’s awesome. Wear green today.
every parent has the medicine pissed kids!!!! goes with the terrritory!!!!! grape and bubble gum flavors worked in our house. the post that had the kid’s head between your legs etc. really works. the other post that said the suggested ways were barbaric and not up to date…..well, the tried and true methods always work or they wouldn’t still be around. (and no, the methods are not child abuse, just plain take charge and get it over with)
the next few weeks will suck but you have the strength and the whole cyber blog group behind you all the way. go easy on yourself.
enjoy maddy above all else. never feel bad that you put her first but you have to put yourself first sometimes just to keep your sanity. we all need our alone time so don’t feel bad to take it when you need it. our kids grow up in spite of us and they do respect what we have done for them and continue to do for them.
maddy is beautiful and will appreciate all you have done and will continue to do (even when they’re on their own). stay strong and stay safe.
Matt, I haven’t written in a while, but just wanted to reach out and say that you are an awesome father and that Maddy knows that. I am a single mother, who has just nursed one of my children through the bad flu and then got it myself. I have no family in the USA, so it was just me – no sleep, really sick with one sick child and one healthy enough to have to get to school. I know the exhaustion that comes from lack of sleep and caring for others. Try if you can to get a little help from family or friends just to give you time to get some sleep. I know it sounds easier said than done, but you do need it. OK, enough lecturing, what do I know about he depth of your grief? I know grieving, but not the level of grieving that you are doing for your beautiful wife. All the memories of this time last year must be overwhelming. I wish I could help in some small way, but live in Washington DC – the opposite side of the country. But, I know hearing words of encouragment will help and you are doing such a great, great job with that beautiful little girl of yours. She is so happy and well adjusted and you can take credit for that. You know Liz is so proud of you. Hang in there and hopefully things will get a little better health wise. You’re in our thoughts and prayers at this time.
With love, Tricia, Micaela and Brian
“pulling herself up
using the coffee table
for leverage,
and i watched her
do it,
knowing that she’s
my coffee table.”
I also caught this and love it. You have such a way with words.
I also love that you went to where Gram Parsons had his wishes carried out. My husband and I love that story. We may make it out there some day…
Hope you are both feeling better. I have the dreaded cold right now and it’s been relentless…13 days now…ugh.
You can do this, Matt. I know that there are times when things are so damn difficult that you don’t know how you can do it on your own…but look at what you have already done. You’re doing it and you’re doing a fucking wonderful job! You’re much stronger than you give yourself credit for sometimes. You really are an inspiration… If only every Daddy was like you…
I’ve never gotten the orange flavor, and now I’m really glad I didn’t! I hope the rest of this month isn’t too horrible, but there are parts that probably will be. I’m sorry about that.
matt, when in doubt always try the bubblegum flavor… its always a big hit.
Matt, I’ve been reading for a while, but have never commented. I’m sure you’ve heard it thousands of times before, but… Madeline is a beautiful baby, and you are doing a great job raising her! (Props never hurt no matter how many times you’ve heard them
But, I can feel your pain of anticipation in your writing, and I just wanted to share another story of pain. Sometimes, just knowing you’re not the only one that feels or has felt this way helps (a little). The month of March also brings sad memories for me because of death, although completely different circumstances. March 22 will be 12 years since my dad passed away when our house burned down. We lost everything – our home, our father/husband, our pets, our clothes. It feels like yesterday and an eternity at the same time since. The pain never goes away, but I promise that it will get easier. It just takes time… time to heal, time to make other memories, time to just live. And, one day you’ll realize you’re living in real time instead of what feels like slow motion all the time while everything else seems to be rushing past you. At least that’s how it felt for me. You’ve also got a happy anniversary to focus on instead – your beautiful daughter’s birthday! So, take care. March is halfway over…
Where WAS that medicine shit when I was a kid? My parents would probably have a little less grey in their hair if I would have thought the damn stuff was strawberry or something.
You’re doing great, Matt.
Hey Matt!
I am so sorry that Maddy was sick (you as well)
I hope you are both better now, and I have a little bit of too little too late info, but Target (if you have one near you) does flavors for free, if it saves you a few bucks, who knows, but I just thought you should know! sounds like Joshua Tree was a fun trip! thanks for continuing to let us into your life!
Keep doing what you’re doing. Remembering, taking care of Madeline and yourself, writing. Putting one foot in front of the other.
ha! it was the target in my neighborhood that charged the $2! (jerks)
I am sorry Matt that sucks!
I love our target pharmacists!
I would complain next time…
matt.
been with you and your blue eyed girl from the beginning…
i feel as though we are old friends.
yes
i have been prompted to comment many times…
but
today
today your words touched my soul…
“maddy spent the
evening crawling
around the house,
pulling herself up
using the coffee table
for leverage,
and i watched her
do it,
knowing that she’s
my coffee table.”
so very relatable…and inspirational.
thank you matt.
by you being you
you make me better.
-the picture with maddy gazing at the robot.
classic.
My parents used to wrap us up in towels to give us our meds…kept our arms out of the way. This might work, might not.
Take care Matt.
Jenny
Just a tip on the flavor… A pharmacist told me that chocolate actually seems to mask the ill-flavored medicine best. In fact, you can just put choc syrup in. Hope it helps. We did fine w/our first two. Now our third is BEYOND difficult w/his meds. Very frustrating…
I continue to draw inspiration from your amazing strength.
Thank you.
Matt – came upon your site by “accident” an now forever hooked. I am sorry for all of your pain but I know the great joy that maddy brings to your life.
I know the feeling of having no one to tag team with..only multiple it by two..a 5 year old and a 20 month old who were both vomiting on me this weekend…I literally thought I would have a breakdown..but I can’t..I don’t have time for breakdowns…plus if I breakdown who’s there to clean me (and the boys) up? It sucks and just when I thought no one could say the f word more than me…I “found” you! LOL!
One flavored medcine tid bit…depending on the type of antibiotic (take this from the ear infection queen) you may not need flavoring…amoxy tastes pretty good on it’s own. omnicef is ass in a bottle…when in doubt ALWAYS GO FOR GRAPE!
Best wishes may you both feel better soon – on top of vomit the 5 year old has strep and an ear infection…drugs he was give..the ass in a bottle!
I always wonder how single parents do it, it’s nice to have a “tap out” partner. You are doing wonderful, thank you for being so real about everything you are going through. Hope you are all feeling better!
Thank you for sharing your story with the world.
I am totally with you on the flavored meds thing – here in Ga it is $4 for the flavor but for little ones it is totally worth it. I’m with the commenting saying that the grape is the best – it is so dang sweet that they can’t taste anything! I haven’t commented in a while but definetly still reading! I can relate on the no tag team thing and just keep thinking it gets easier the older she gets!!
Child illnesses suck! They suck even worse when you feel like shit too. And I cannot begin to imagine what it’s like for you to have to endure all of that without your life partner to take some of the pressure off. Your strength amazes me, even though I’m sure you’ve felt extremely ‘weak’ a lot over this last year. Truly inspiring!
As a mom of 4 (oldest being 6), I’ve had my fair share of liquid antibiotic battles! My youngest is an 18 mo old girl & I can still manage to make the process quick & semi-painless. What works best for me is: For me to stand, placing a foot on a chair or something. I sit her on my leg, reclining her in my left arm (‘restraining’ her right arm around my side). I prefer to sit them somewhat upright to avoid the risk of aspiration (also a nurse, so have seen this before). Then I can restrain her left arm with my left hand/arm. They usually don’t seem to kick much in this position and wah-lah, my right hand is free to dispense the dropper full of meds. I put the dropper next to her cheek & dispense it rather quickly: 1. to end the ‘trauma’ as fast as possible! & 2. towards the cheek so that she doesn’t choke. That’s just my 2 cents anyway. Good luck on future illnesses. They still suck, but it will get easier, I promise. You’re doing great & Liz would be very proud…no matter how traumatic or awkward your dispensing of Maddy’s meds!
This parenting thing, no doubt, is harder than obtaining any college degree…for sure. But is also far more rewarding!
Reliving the memories happens whether it ends in tregedy or not. The year after my kids were born I remembered every “a year ago today” detail up to the minutes they were born. After that it starts with “a year ago today my baby was only 3 days old” or “learning to crawl”. It never ends.
Hang in there!
I’ve never tried this, and I don’t remember if Maddy takes a pacifier, but they have the ones where you can put the medicine inside it and they suck it out.
We just pin her down and squirt it in her mouth. Once I gave it to her at night and she gargled it back out on to her pillow and in her hair. Great.
P.S. I love all these comments, how everyone has adapted your way of writing (so and so in the )
Like so many others, I feel very protective of you and Madeline. With that, comes a feeling of pride for all that both of you have accomplished over the last year. Just imagine, almost one! Wow. I can’t imagine how hard it has been, especially to face each day without Liz. So, on the 24th, be proud, smile big, and remember that all of us will be thinking of you on the 25th.
And, for a bit of humour on a Tuesday, I performed a HUGE oops last week. I fed a vegetarian kid, who I didn’t know was vegetarian, chicken. Her mother’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head. Funny thing was, that the little girl gobbled it up and asked for more!
Asalamu Alaykom Mr. Matt,
I have yet to NOT feel like a child abuser when giving Mr. Boo a med. Yes, I aim for the cheeks. The only thing I’ve learned is to have the kid shirtless so the neon red cr*p doesn’t stain his clothes as he spits half of it out.
I think that whatever flavor you choose will be the artifical flavor that Miss Madeline will grow up to hate. Me? My meds were always grape-flavored, so I hate that. My kids? They always got cherry, and now…yep….they hate it.
And respectfully, for all those married moms who “feel” like a single mom? I’ve been both and really nothing feels like being a single parent until you are one. When the hub returns from work or a trip, you can still laugh together about your solo attempt and get a hug and kiss along with encouragement. I miss that.
Last night I felt just leveled with an unexpected migraine. No one else here. Just me and a kid and one of my worst fears replaying in my head: that I’ll die and no one will know he’s all alone.
Loved the Gram Parsons story. You and your cremation stories! That one might take the cake (or the coffin). I had never heard it before. FLASHING SIGN: UNHIP! UNHIP! Ya, you are way more into music than I’ll ever be.
I do wonder how freaked out Gram Parsons would have been in the desert seeing the robot–a quest fulfilled. Do you think that maybe the robot waaaaaaaaay back in India was actually looking for Gram Parsons??? Weirrrrrrrd. Maybe you are the conduit to him making it to Joshua Tree!
Keep bouyant. Keep finding the smile. Do the weird. Be the person. Love and be loved. Enjoy the little moments.
Matt–when i was younger I rememer the towel trick and agreeing with another post cherry worked best. Love the pictures as always. With the memories making it harder on you it doesn’t show in Maddy, you are doing a great job. Be Blessed and I hope you both are feeling better.
My first response to the video was that it was beautiful and poignant with wonderful music. My second thought was that you’re crazy for feeding her under such spartan circumstances. I’d initially have to get over the dirt…and the dirt. That is often the difference between many moms and dads. Dads make do (and do just fine)… moms break out the picnic blanket and fully stocked basket. I’m imagining that your daughter might inherit Liz’s love of fashion but still enjoy any/all opportunities to roll around in the mud and get get said fashion dirty. That’s the best combo I can think of!!!
Take care of yourself (and youre little wonder).
Too late this time, but you should know that a nice pharmacy will re-do a prescription for your child if they realllllly hate the flavor. My guy goes for cherry and strawberry goodness. Avoid the grape and orange. And if all else fails, take it back and ask for a re-do.
You are an amazing father with a beautiful angel sent straight from Liz in your little girl. Thanks for sharing your life with all of us.
It really will be as better as it can be on the 26th. That is, the 26th of somewhere around 2012. It takes time, Matt. You are still in the very raw stages of this, where every memory hurts, even the good ones. Eventually you get to the point where the memories don’t cause that ache, that loneliness, that wish for what could have been…what should have been. You learn to live with the gaping hole in your heart for awhile, and it eventually gets closed…and you slowly realize over time that while the love remains and always wll, the hurt hurts less.
Tthe 25th of March is just a “day”, Matt. It’s another day without Liz. It’s a day that will come every single year of the rest of your life. Don’t dwell on the day Liz died. Celebrate all the days she lived. Those are what truly matter….
Thank you for giving us a little peak into your world Matt. The video is great. I wish I was as brave as you to take my son on half of the adventures you have taken Maddy. He would love to have lunch in the desert.
I’ve read your blog frequently, but todays brings back many memories. I lost my husband when our only son was 5 months old. I remember those struggles, realizing I was out of diapers at 10 pm, balancing work and a sick baby. Good luck, you’ll both make it through.
Matt, You have to remind yourself that you are a good dad to Madeline, from time to time. She loves you with all her heart and she doesn’t know life any different than what you are doing for her. Liz is and will be very missed and someday Madeline will understand what an amazing woman she was. She’ll love you even more, knowing that you weren’t a lump of a dad and you were more than proactive about giving her the life that you and Liz would’ve wanted for her. You’re doing the right thing, you always do.
On another note, the video of you feeding Madeline made me smile and it also comfirmed that you are doing things right. Day after day, you will always do what’s right for your baby.
You’re a great dad.
Happy St. Patty’s Day!
Keep hangin’ in there. Through your strength and resilience you have already come so far – more than you knew you were capable of on the front end of it all. You can do this next couple of weeks – only this time, you KNOW you can.
that video gave me goosebumps. ur one great dad.
Ahh yes, medicine pissed. I was a member of that club years ago. I say go with bubble-gum flavored or grape next time. I had to laugh at the lunch video! I was feeding my youngest cousin outside one day (he was about Maddy’s age then) and it was one spoonful of sweet potatoes, handful of grass, then me picking out most of the grass from his mouth and back round. He didn’t get lunch outside anymore unless he was in his highchair. Sure grass doesn’t hurt, but it sure is disgusting when trying to pick it out of a mouth!
Welcome to the dark side of parenthood, and to the continuation of mourning.
Neither are much fun, and I’m sorry you’re going through a rough patch. It definitely sucks.
But, like everything else, this too shall pass.
Maybe next year, it’ll hurt a little less. And so on and so on and so on.
And, even better news, over the years, Maddy’s immunities will build up, and she’s spend much less time being sick!
I loved the video of lunch in the desert. You are doing an awesome job… always remember that.
Always get CHERRY flavor!!! And TARGET always does it for free! ….my first comment! YAY! Lol… I feel the sickness thing! We just got over an ear and throat infection!
Hi Matt. I was wondering what kind of medicine they prescribed her that you needed to get the flavoring? Sometimes that flavoring is worse than the actual medicine. My first 3 kids all had nonstop ear infections.. amoxi and augmentin are usually tasty. Omnicef is not usually bad either. Maybe just try the plain old medicine next time? I hope you are both feeling better soon. I really enjoy your blog and I think that you and Maddie are awesome. I am not sure about the Robot yet.
FYI – I figured out that sometimes the medications already come flavored. So, ask before. I learned that the hard way!! My boys like the bubble gum flavor, its pretty yummy.
Sick babies are no fun but you are a trooper… you may have figured this out already but if you squirt the medicine in quickly then pinch Maddy’s nostrils shut, she will have to swallow! It becomes less of a wrestling match and more about speed!!!
Your year of “firsts” with out Liz is almost to a close. I wish you could transport yourself to the 26th and be over the worst of the firsts!! Hang in there…
I think that WalMart and Walgreens both now have the medicine flavoring thing, and actually I think (don’t be mad if they do
) one or the other of them doesn’t charge for it
Again, I tell you this support you get on the this blog is amazing, although some folks will never fully understand the darkness of the night and asking the “what if” about your daughters health questions to yourself! It is the most alone feeling I think you can have. Then you start to panick about your own health and being there for your child now and 40 years from now. We can never become a liability to ourselves…we only can be an asset, so I have to put the sweets down and always go to the gym…
Look I would think you are crazy if you didn’t think about the last time Liz did this or that before Maddie arrived into your world. It is what you do the first year of a loved ones death. Who knew. I knew Joe’s last ride, he didn’t think the way I did. I knew my fathers last drive, he wasn’t thinking on those terms at all. But I have a different perspective and now you do too. Still so fucking unfair. I use to love when Paige would sleep in the car, it allowed my emotions and thoughts to stray. I wasn’t having to be “on” shall we say. You doing everything you should be doing…Glen Campbell, rock on-
Those shots are just savage!
Great wee video, puts me in mind of boulder to birmingham.
Best of luck in the coming days.
What lovely pictures of the desert and Maddie…So sorry about the medicine thing. When my daughter was diagnosed with leukemia at age 4 they sent us home from the hospital and she had to take like 10 pills a day. What!!! So we came up with all kinds of ways for her to take meds. Crushed in a tiny bit of applesauce or icecream (depending on the flavor of course so we don’t make the flavor worse.) We eventually asked for all chewables or regular pills because the liquid stuff is more disgusting than the other actual forms of meds. I was pretty happy to have a 4 year old swallowing pills like no tomorrow. As Maddie gets older and if she has to take meds for infection, the other forms may work better for her. You sound like you’re doing the best you can, and that’s all you can ask of yourself, right? Repeat. Right. :0)
I would try strawberry next time. The 3-year-old I used to look after liked the flavor, I think it’s because it might be sweeter.
I’m sorry it’s so hard!! Just remember it will get easier! It’ll take time but it’s true. One day you’ll look back and be relieved at how far you’ve come.
Best Glen Campbell song ever, written by the great Jimmy Webb:
http://www.last.fm/music/Glen+Campbell/_/Wichita+Lineman
Nice JT cover thereof:
http://www.last.fm/music/James+Taylor/_/Wichita+Lineman
Worst Glen Campbell song:
http://www.last.fm/music/Glen+Campbell/_/Dreams+of+the+Everyday+Housewife
This musical interlude has been brought to you by… K in the N.
Happy St. Paddy’s Day, M & M!
Dude, I gotta side with Maddy, you get no slack here. Orange flavor? Isn’t that the flavor that everyone avoids. In the box of popsicles aren’t the orange ones the only ones left.
Give the girl some watermelon, bubblegum, or grape flavor man!
Here’s what’s funny about the medicine part of this story. You sound just like a dad. Not a single dad, a widower dad, just a dad.
I call it giving “man-slack”. You take what a woman would have done and then whatever the man does you reduce what you expect because you give him “man-slack”.
You rock.
Matt, you’ve gotten some great advice here in the previous posts. I have nothing else to add other than lots of prayers and positive thoughs for you and Maddy…hoping she is feeling better now and April comes quickly.
Matt: I have been reading religiously and this is my first time responding. You may have gotten this advice before but I thought I would throw it out there for you. The next time you need to hold Maddy’s hands in order to giver her medicine you could try not really sitting on her but sit over her and pin her arms to her side and using your knees hold them to her sides. That way your hands are free. I have had to do this hold many of times when I need to wipe a booger nose, give a child meds they don’t want, or even just cleaning their face. It may sound awful but none of my weight is on the kids but sometimes you need to use your whole body to get things accomplished.
i just love all of the medicine administering tips…some conjure up pretty entertaining images. i have been fortunate that my boys will take meds pretty well. i think in the past i pretended like it was some kind of treat (“if you don’t want it, i’m going to eat it all by myself”). and there were some occasions where i had to pin them down and squirt it in their cheeks. they all get used to it sooner or later. thanks for the laughs, everyone
You are a fabulous man! I wish my husband was a quarter the man you are. God bless you and that beautiful child of your’s. She has be the luckiest girl in the world.
It amazes me how much you forget when you are raising babies. Mine are grown now, but just reading your words, it brings all those feelings back. My babies were daycare babies too and theres just one thing you can’t avoid when they go to daycare…ear infections! As soon as I would hear the slightest sniffle, I’d panic about what I was going to do about work. I mean, of course you worry about your baby too, but work is a huge issue and if you want to feed and clothed that baby, you have to figure it out. No sleep, medicine, being tired, being sad that they are sick, worried about work, it sure takes a toll. The good news is that day care babies get sick a lot less in school because they build up their immunity. So it is either now or later – you just can’t avoid it. I can tell that the upcoming anniversary is looming over you. I let anniversary’s of events, good and bad do this to me too. You have such a great day followed by such a horrific day, its hard to reconcile it in my head so I can only imagine what it does to you. I love the video of Maddie eating – both her food and the sand! And the picture of her and the robot made me smile. Its an amazing picture because she looks SO much like Liz and knowing how Liz felt about that robot, it is so cute to see her smiling at it! I didn’t know Liz, but I could feel her eyes rolling as your little girl is sitting and smiling! Daddy’s girl! Hang in there Matt, I know you have a tough couple weeks coming up. There’s lots of love out here, and although you have missed A LOT this year being without Liz physically, you have accomplished so much. Your baby, happy and well adjusted; its ALL you.
Joshua Tree is rad, isn’t it? You’ll need to take Madeline there someday to watch a meteor shower. Trust me on this one.
I can’t imagine the roller coaster you’re on, especially with all the anniversaries that you’re facing. I do think it’s great that you decided to get the hell out of dodge and take Maddy on this awesome trip that you planned with Liz and some of your best friends.
I hope you all have a fantastic trip; from what you’ve told us about Liz, I think she’d be robot/medicine pissed if you did anything other than live life with Maddy in the balls-out style you and she enjoyed together.
You, and everyone else who is missing Liz, are in my thoughts. Have a safe trip.
xxxxx,
j.
Here’s to April coming quickly and all that post March 25th will bring you. I will be thinking of you and your family on these bitter sweet days.
Madeline is absolutely beautiful, just like her mom. I admire you for being such an awesome dad. You two are always on the go with so much to do. I’m 27 and mom to 4 girls and I wish my husband would show our girls the same raw love. You have so much love for that little girl. Its inspiring.
Hi Matt,
Have read all of your blogs, but first time for me to post a comment. You are doing one HELL of a good job raising that adorable daughter of yours. I know others have commented on it – but Maddie looks so much like Liz, it’s eerie. Beautiful, beautiful child.
As for giving medicine – I lucked out. Both my kids got excited when it was time for meds! Not kidding – my son when he was two would jump up and down when he saw me take the meds out of the fridge! And that was 18 years ago with no flavoring.
I will be thinking of you much more in the next couple of weeks – I’m sure there will be some laughter as well as some tears. Have a fantastic day with Maddie on her first birthday!
Matt, your baby is turning into a beautiful little girl.And my congratulations to you on being so calm and gentle during all that is going on in your life.I first read about you in People magazine and I saw the web address and thought ‘I have got to check this out’.Ever since then I have been addicted to your story,it really touched me and made me think about how fortunate I am and what life would be like if a death in my family ever happened.I must say on behalf of my whole family (my mother and father both read the blog now) that we are so extremely proud of you. And you know what (I just had to say this because I know you don’t like the people who give you those looks when Maddie cries) screw all those people that give you dirty looks in airports and restaurants if Maddie cries.They have absolutely no idea what you have been through and what you are still going through! Keep up the great work!!!
Your lunch in the desert video was so touching. You and Maddy will have so many memories to share when she gets older. I wish I did half the things with my girls that you do with Maddy.
For medicine, get grape flavor. It worked wonders for my girls. My 5YO still asks for grape medicine when she gets sick. (She vomits if I give her any other flavor.) And, I’ve trained my 1YO to take grape medicine too.
My trick for getting medicine down, is to have the syringe filled and ready. Place Maddy in the crook of your arm…in a cradle hold. Make sure one of her arms is tucked under the arm that you’re holding her with. With that same hand that is holding her, grab her free arm and hold it down. Hold her close to you so she can’t move her head. She won’t like it too much…but you’ll get most of the medicine in.
I wish I had a video to show you what I’m talking about. Hopefully, you’ll understand!
BTW, you are continuing to do an AWESOME job with Maddy.
I forgot my best tip for giving medicine! Lay her down. Give 1/2 the dose with the syringe thingy, then blow a little puff of air into her face. For whatever reason, that make them swallow. Repeat with rest of dose. This concludes my unsolicited medicine tips for the day.
Amazing post!
knowing that she’s my coffee table – had me in tears
medicine pissed. (not quite robot pissed, but pretty fucking close) – had me laughing out loud.
You have quite a gift in writing and once again, you are doing an awesome job with Madeline!
Wonderful post. You are such a great dad. I have a great visual of the “pinning of the child” It is like wrestling an octopus. You are doing beyond a wonderful job, keep up the great work, it shows so much in that little girls face!
So I already commented last night. But I visited today just hoping by all selfish wishes that you might have posted again – ha!
Anyway, I did not read through all of the previous posts, so perhaps this was addressed 100 times already. My kids have always been just fine taking meds, but I tried this on a friend of mine’s kid.
Sit over her hips (don’t sit ON the poor kid, keep yourself propped on your knees) Put her little hands and arms to the side of her body. Have the hand on each respective side pinned between her body and your knee. Then put the meds in her mouth and blow on her face, pretty hard. Those babies – and even as they get older – have the swallow and catch their breath reflex that will make her swallow. . . . Happy St. Patricks Day!
So, I’ve found that the grape flavor works best. I remember very well wrestling with my daughter to try and get her to take her meds. I’m raising her alone so I know how difficult it can be giving meds alone.
I think that you are an amazing father!!
I commented earlier, but forgot to mention the medicine thing…are you doing the “Daddy takes the medicine first and then Maddy takes it” thing? They go for that when they’re really young because they think it’s kinda cool. She’s probably not old enough yet, but they get to a stage where reverse psychology works really well too. “Don’t you dare take this medicine!” “NO, don’t do it!…Don’t take it!” They eat that shit up. Although when they aren’t feeling well, sometimes that doesn’t work either.
Although Maddy doesn’t at this point appreciate all of the cool things that you do with her, I’m sure that when she’s older, she will realize how cool it was to do all of the stuff that you guys do. We just took our kids to the cemetary in Macon, Georgia to the gravesites of Duane Allman, Barry Oakley and Elizabeth Reed. We had been there before, but we were passing through and my husband wanted to take the kids. I took some photos if you’re remotely interested.
hi matt,
great post, as always, and your photos are beautiful. no medicine advice from me, just wanted to tell you that the logo of liz’ foundation is on the top of the page every time i go and get my daily dose of celebrity gossip from bricksandstonesgossip.com. i want to scream and clap my hands and do all kinds of other crazyhappy stuff – while at work.
day at a time, april is coming. you’re awesome, and the whole world is here for you. strength.
Im with the nurse in Indiana, I was a center director for some time and am a mom of three, blow gently on their face while you put the medicine in and they have to take a breath making the whole medicine thing a worry of the past, works everytime without mess and the babies do not even realize what happened.
It will get better…
A few things from someone who has been (and is) there:
About the anniversary: Every year will be a little different-some “better”, some “worse”. The second was harder than the first for me, but both years the days after the date were harder than the actual date itself, and both years I was really glad to see the next month appear on the calendar. This first one will become another of the growing number of days of which you have specific memories. Good for you for spending it in Mexico.
To those who question why you stay in LA: It sounds to me like LA is your home now, just as where I live is my home. It is possible to do it completely alone. I have been for two years and counting, and my closest relatives are 800 miles away. You have to do what’s best for you, and if staying in LA is it, then more power to you.
About sick kids: Thankfully my daughter has not been sick much over the past two years, but there was one bout last winter that had us both down. I could barely get up off the living room floor for the better part of a day, but managed to fix her three meals and make sure she was taken care of (she did not get sick till a few days after me). We do what we have to do, and it helps when our kids cooperate, as you well understand.
Probably the same things somebody else has already said but here goes: stick with red or purple or pink flavors, they go over well. Also I have developed a fantastic anti-arm-batting-anti-head trashing-deliver-meds-with-minimal-spillage technique. I should take a picture and send it to you…
I bawled like a baby while watching that video. For some reason that video….more than anything else just made me so sorry for you. Liz should be sitting behind Maddy helping you feed her…….just broke my heart into pieces. I actually thought about you around 3 am last week when my little guy was up sick for about three nights in a row. The third night I was about to lose my mind so I woke my husband and he took our baby into the living room to rock him so I could get some sleep. As I was laying there….I thought…..Matt does not have someone to take shifts with…..he has to do it alone……it was at that moment I realized how truly strong you are. You are my hero.
Matt-I’ve been reading your blog for a long time, but have never commented before. I just wanted to say that I think you are an awesome father, and that it’s so cool that you take Madeline on all of these trips/adventures.
I just wanted to give my suggestions for the meds, my daughter has to take a dose of meds every day for a kidney problem that she’s had since birth (she’s almost 9 months now). I lay her on her back with her head in the nook of my left arm. With that same arm I just sort of wrap my arm around her head on the other side and hold her arms down with my hands, so she can’t knock the med dispenser out of my hand (she is very skilled at this). I just give her a little bit at a time so she doesn’t spit it out, or if she does spit it out, at least it wouldn’t be all of it, and I also push the medicine towards her cheek, so that she can’t just spit it back out as easily.
Good luck and hang in there, I hope you are both feeling better quickly and in time for your trip.
I’ve already commented on this post and after thinking about it, I wanted to clarify my comment. I have 4 kids and have lived through many many ear infections. I would never ever give my kids benadryl to just restrain them/knock them out. However, benadryl is a friend in my household b/c it is one of the safest decongestants that my drs/pharmacists recommend. I am absolutely against pseudoephedrine as a decongestant. I know that you are a really responsible dad and wouldn’t willy nilly dose your Maddy with drugs without knowing the correct dosage/effects/interactions. I also have a child with a severe peanut allergy so benadryl is our savior if he accidentally ingests peanuts. While some kids get very hyper or very sleepy, my kids aren’t really affected in any hyper/sleepy way with the drug. It just clears up their sinuses so that they can actually sleep better which is a good thing when they are sick, and need rest, and I can avoid giving them any stronger meds (besides their antibiotics.)
I love your blog and love reading it. I don’t read your comments that much since you get so much of it but I was worried about my advice, and when I reread it, I happened across some comment about benadryl being a restraint/loony bin method and I really don’t think of it that way since my kids don’t get hyper or sleepy with it.
You’re doing fantastic! She is absolutely adorable.
You are an amazing father and you are doing so well. I don’t have any children myself but I have 2 nieces and 2 nephews and from experience I can tell you that it doesn’t matter what flavor it is, the medicine will never taste good (luckily that fades with age) Just stick to your guns. She will thank you someday for being such a wonderful dad!
You are doing fantastic!
Long broken nights with no tag team partner to assist, too much thinking and endless replay of these days from a year ago.
That’s such an awful recipe. Reality is really not attractive when this is how it looks. All I can say is that there are people out there who have lived it and survived.
It’s bloody hard, no doubt about it. Stick to it, as best you can, and try to get some sleep somehow and if the chance arises. The world looks better if you can do that, just occasionally.
Kind regards from London, and spirits up.
It’s been a long time since I cried with such sadness in my heart. Reading this makes my insides ache for you. Although I can’t even begin to compare my sadness with yours, if I only feel a fraction of what you are experiencing, you HAVE GOT to be hurting something terrible. I am so sorry, Matt. So sorry that you lost the love of your life. Sorry that, while gazing into your beautiful daughters eyes, you see Liz and yearn for her in a way unimaginable to anyone around you.
TIFFANY’S??!! Maddie will treasure those someday – especially since you are replacing them for her. Very sweet.
I’m a single mom and you are right. Sometimes the weight of it all feels so heavy especially when your child is hurt or sick. I caution you about Benedryl… It doesn’t have the same effect on every child! I had to peel my kids off of the ceiling after giving them anything similiar to that.
Amy
One thing I realized as a parent is how incredibly much worse sick kids get at night when there is nobody around to help. They are so defensless and the fevers go up and the parent gets so run down and exhausted. One good thing to hold onto is that kids are typically sick a lot more when they are little and building their immune systems. My daughter was in the E.R. a lot as a baby Maddie’s age due to asthma. She picked up every bug that went through. I felt like she would be the most sickly child forever and now she rarely gets sick and when she does the fevers aren’t as high as when she was little. Things do get easier! Also to ease your guilt of having her exposed in daycare. There is research that says that kids who don’t go to daycare as infants miss more school in early elementary because they have to build their immune system eventually.
Amy
I had seen in one of the responses to blow in the child’s face. As a nanny, that is the best piece of advice I have ever gotten. I also read in one suggestion to blow in their face “after” dropping the medicine, I however found it much easier to blow in their face before, and quite often while giving the medicine. Blowing in the face forces them to open their mouth. She’ll probably still be pissed, but she’ll get over it much more quickly then she would holding her down. Actually, she might not even be pissed because she’s focusing on opening her mouth because you are blowing in her face, so she might not even realize you are giving her medicine. FYI: have a napkin or paper towel handy. Sometimes if they realize there is something in their mouth, they spit some of it out.
You are a wonderful father! I am sure Liz would be so proud of how well you are doing!
Gosh, its miserable when you’ve got an ill baby and ill self. Been there and don’t want to go back! You’re doing wonderfully though, hang in there. Oh, and thank you for putting up pictures of Joshua Tree National Park. It was the last stop on a cross country road trip I went on a year and a half ago. We never made it there because we took too many detours on the way (we started in Massachusetts), and were tired and afraid of missing our flight out of LAX. Now I feel like I’ve been there, so thanks for that, and for all your posts.
I’ve got no words of wisdom for you. March is a bittersweet month for me as well because of a death and a birth. It has been 5 years for me and I am still working on my new reality. I will be thinking of you and Maddy in the days ahead.
Here is a trick the doctor gave us when my son was a baby – mix the medicine with cool-whip. Babies love cool whip and my son took his medicine no problem. It’s worth a shot for you anyway!
Grape suspension is the best for medicines. It tastes like koolaid and I should know. One of my boys has been on the same medicine for almost 2 years, Grape!!!
And there is a 3 day antibiotic and we always do that cause 10 days is just too much to remember. I can do 2xs a day for 3 days!!!
I was moved to tears watching the video of you and Maddy alone in the desert. So quiet, so peaceful. I could almost see Liz looking down from that big beautiful blue sky…smiling and giggling at you and Maddy. I think of you both all the time.
as far as the medicine flavoring goes, my favorite was always bubble gum. made me want to take my amoxicillin.
also, when she’s older, you might be able to bribe her with a sip of sprite in between squirts of medicine, especially since when they’re older they need more and you can’t get it all in one squirt. works like a charm on my DD.
I lost my son 10 yrs ago and still have memories rush over me. Actually, it happened yesterday. It was something really trivial. I remembered the floor plan of the NICU and could feel myself moving through it. I remember the guy sitting at the desk to buzz us in. I remember fainting right outside those doors moments after he died. Those memories don’t cut as deep anymore because I have new better memories. Like laying in bed with my daughter after I had her and breathing in her beautiful scent that only girls have.
I used to put my kids in the highchair and pinch their cheeks then quickly squirt the medicine in. I have a spitter. I would have to tilt his head back and pinch his lips. It was a sight! The less traumatic you make it the easier it is. I also hid medicine in applesauce. Bubblegum flavor always worked with my kids. Orange was always too bitter.
Your story moves. I can’t believe I’ve been reading almost a year. You have come far and you are a remarkable man.
Matt, I’m sure words don’t help right now, but all I can say is that I’m praying for you.
wow. talk about a smack in the face. my husband and i often grumble and complain, arguing about whose turn is to do x y or z with our 3 boys. especially with our 9 month old…who changed the last poopy diaper, who got up with him the night before etc. thanks for helping me realize how stupid we are…..you’re doing this all on your own, and i know you aren’t complaining, and that you’d do anything in the world for maddy….but it’s hard. i can only imagine how hard it is to do it on your own, and not just caring for maddy but also dealing with the grief of losing liz at the same time. thanks for sharing…
I got tired of the medicine struggle…we skip the medicine at home and just ask for a shot at the Dr.’s office. Granted it’s a shot but it’s over and done and we can forget about it…
You know, I’ve often wondered why I’d castrate myself so completely, flay myself repeatedly remembering all that same awful, painful shit of all the “lasts” before Charley died. The last time we had sex, the last mini-argument we had, the last laugh we had, the last phone call we had (about 2 hours before he died) where he seemed a little crabby or short with me (or, at a minimum, impatient that I was eating into his last few minutes of prep before leaving for the race). The list always goes on and on…and I still do it 3 1/2 years later, although not as frequently and not out of a desire to invite more pain onto myself. Sometimes it’s just to happily reminisce, or else just to remember things that weren’t good at the time but that were still way fucking better than what life turned into after he died.
Sometimes I think I (we?) do it to still try to hold onto our dead spouses, to still grasp onto whatever thread we can, no matter how temporary or painful. Because no matter what, they were here when that shit happened, and the pain of remembering the now-vs.-then tightrope still hurts less than the actual knowledge that they’re dead and never, ever coming back. Maybe it’s a little like people who cut themselves: a physical pain is easier to bear than a cosmic pain. The pain of old memories is still painful and hard, but it’s not as hard as the unfathomable pain on that cosmic level.
Or maybe I’m totally full of it. And I also think there isn’t a whole lot of controlling those thoughts when they happen. They’re not anything we can stop, so how can they be something that we consciously choose to think about. They’re thoughts that happen to us, not that we initiate.
Hang in there this coming week. And I imagine you’re right–I wouldn’t be surprised at all if the actual anniversary isn’t as bad as the dread/anticipation. But then again, I can’t honestly say (or remember) if the anticipation or the reality of that first death anniv. was the worst. In the end, I think it was the weeks after it–and then the years after it–that were worse than the actual first anniversary. But if nothing else, I can vouch that that first anniversary is the worst. The others haven’t been nearly as bad.
Hugs. And happy birthday a few days early to Maddy!! Have a fabulous time in Mexico, as much as possible.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADDY!!! Thinking of you and your family. Enjoy your day. Mommy is watching.
Rosie (in the San Jose)
Ok I haven’t read all the posts and seriously when the hell do you get to? lol. Anyways, just incase you read this I have a small tip. I have found it very easy to give my kids medicine by adding it to their bottle of formula or sippy with juice or something else to take away from the taste. As for the $2 flavor from Target…yeah CVS charges $2 as well… very aggravating! By the way, glad to see Joshua Tree hasn’t changed since I was there about 10 or so years ago
Happy Birthday to Madeline and hugs to you because I feel you are going through pure hell but at the same time happiness for Madeline. It can’t be easy but try to smile through the tears.
Matt, I found your blog yesterday off of another friends blog. I can’t stop reading. Maddy is absolutely gorgeous, just like Liz. The truthfulness of your words have painted such an honest picture of your love for Liz, Maddy and your heartache. Thank you. I am certain that Liz is smiling her gorgeous smile seeing that Maddy has the best dad she could have ever have hoped her to have. You are handling such a fucked up raw deal with unbelievable grace. It’s truly inspiring.
I’ve got a 5 year old and an 18 month old. Just a quick tip for medicine since I’ve had to play twister myself trying to administer. Squirt it into the side of her cheek and if you blow on her face hard, she’ll swallow. She’ll still get “medicine pissed” after, but it’ll get it down.
You are doing a fabulous job!
Happy birthday to your beautiful girl! I hope you’re both feeling healthy and the daycare snot monsters aren’t passing any more germs!
There is a exsersaucer in the background of the pic of Maddy playing with th jewlry boxes…It has been recalled. I have the same one. One of the end caps falls off when you transition it into the 3rd stage. If she leans on the end cap it will fall off and she will fall down to and may get hurt…Call 800-233-5921 for a replacement cap…I seen it in a parenting magazine this month (April). Personaly I just put mine away because when I set it up in stage 3 it was flimsy and pretty much sucked.
I just started reading your blog tonight.. I completely understand about not being able to hand them off. I am a single mother to 2 daughters and have had many of those nights!!! But it’s all worth it in the end!!
As for the medicine, my youngest daughter is 20 months, and to get her to take medicine, I put my knees on either side of her and i squish her cheeks (giving her the pucker face) and squeeze the meds in her mouth.. she can’t spit it back out and she has to swallow.. it works every time!
Matt, I didn’t read through all the comments, but I just had to give eyedrops for pinkeye on my own to my one year old. This trick from my mom helped a lot. I wrapped him in a towel with his arms pinned to his sides. This kept him from rolling around, and I just had to keep his head still. For the antibiotics, I mix with some baby yogurt, and he is none the wiser. Good luck!
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