march 7.
saturday.
awesome auntie deb
is coming in to
town today.
before heading off
to the airport to
pick her up,
maddy practiced her standing.
and for the first
time ever, she was
able to lower herself
back down to
a sitting position
and then crawl away.
yes.
big accomplishment.
over the past few
weeks she has
been able to
pull herself up,
but she has been
unable to sit back down.
and that was a
real source of frustration.
for both of us.
after standing for a
few minutes,
she would start whining,
and i would have
to place her on
her butt.
or she’d take the
hard road
and drop from standing
to sitting,
which almost always
resulted in a
surprised look on
her face followed
by a tear or two.
no longer.
she can sit, she
can stand.
and guess what
else she can do?
transfer from coffee
table to couch
and back again,
all while holding on.
the legs are moving,
one foot firmly
planted while
the other takes
a step.
wow.
what’s next?
walking?
oh shit.
we’ll worry about
that later.
we have weeks,
right?
maybe not,
but now it’s time
to pick deb up
from the airport.
soon enough
we were reunited with
deb, though maddy
had no idea
that her auntie
was in the car…
she was asleep
and wouldn’t
wake up until
we made it back
to the house.
we spent a little time
playing with some
of her musical
instruments, madeline
trying to prove to
deb that she
is a true musical prodigy.
i’m not sure
she’s there quite yet,
but she sure
as hell knows
how to make a
shitload of noise.
after her concert
we went to
buy some formula.
wait.
she’s almost one.
this will be the last bit
of formula she will
ever need to drink.
shit.
i brought a huge stack
of expired formula
checks into
the big baby store
on los feliz blvd
and convinced the
guy behind the counter
to let me use
all of them.
well, almost all of them.
we cleaned them
out of all the
blue-label formula
they had,
and still had 16
formula checks in
our hands
when we left.
$429.17 worth of
formula for $6.13.
took over an
hour to check out,
the guy having to
run each of the $3
and $5 checks
through the register
while i told
the people lining
up behind us,
“this is gonna take awhile…you may want to find another line.”
what’s so awesome
about this is,
over the course of
madeline’s first year,
thanks to all
the formula checks
sent to us by
strangers friends,
i’ve gone out
of pocket for formula
three times.
yes, only three times.
why three times?
that’s the number
of times i’ve
left the house
without formula,
the number of times
i’ve had to
stop somewhere along
the way to make
up for being a
horrible father.
not too bad if
you ask me.
then i got to thinking…
we need to continue
to collect these
formula checks to
send to the folks with
newborns who
are applying for
a grant from
if you have formula checks and would like to donate them, please send them to:
the liz logelin foundation
p.o. box 26366
st. louis park, mn 55426
(thank you).
after our shopping
spree we were
off to griffith
park, where i
finally got a chance
to do something
i dreamed of
doing before madeline
was even born…
yeah.
i wanted to take
some photos of my
child in the cages
in the old zoo.
i mentioned it to
liz
when i first found
the place and
she didn’t think
it was too funny.
oh well.
i think she’d
smile pretty big
if she could see
how the photos
turned out.
she would especially
like the one
with me
in the cage with
our baby.
or maybe the one of
her sister in
the cage.
(i think she thought we both belonged in one from time-to-time).
after torturing my
child a bit,
we offered her
a peace offering
and then tortured
her again,
all for the sake
of some rad photos.
we also did one
of the other things
i’ve been really
excited to do
with madeline.
she took a
ride on the merry-go-round
at griffith park.
she was here
once before, many
months ago
when she was too
little to ride.
i was afraid back
then that the
damn thing would
be spinning too
fast for her.
i don’t have that
concern anymore.
it’s amazing
how quickly we
got here.
she took a ride
with her auntie deb
then i got
to take a ride
with her.
as we went
around and around,
she started to
look a little
dizzy, but the
smile on her face
was as big
as the one her
mother
used to flash
at me when i
didn’t do something stupid,
so i just smiled
right along
with her.
(the rest of the photos from our day in the park can be found here).
that evening
we met up with
elizabeth and her
family at the best
pizza restaurant in
los angeles.
after dinner, we were
visited by aunties
anya and aislinn,
who both marveled at
the progress madeline
has made.
after saying goodbye
to everyone,
maddy, deb and
i had some quite time
together, just sitting
with each other.
sleep came early for
all of us tonight,
which is good,
’cause i’m exhausted.
sunday.
march 8.
today i learned
something very important…
i learned how to
administer medicine to
madeline.
what is my secret?
i pretended to stick
the medicine in
my mouth,
smiling as if it was
the best shit
i’ve ever had.
maddy watched me,
seeing my smile,
knowing that
the stuff i was
swallowing must
be good.
so she followed suit.
she opened wide,
and took her
medicine like it
was ice cream.
all of this while
sitting on the couch,
not being held down,
not being tied town,
not feeling as though
i was torturing her.
no…
i manipulated the hell
out of her,
and i was so
fucking proud of myself.
the trick works
well now,
but soon she
will outsmart me.
i just know it.
after patting myself
on the back
for such brilliance,
the three of us
took a walk
to the coffee shop
down the street,
stopping long enough
to take this photo:
after breakfast we
took a little drive
to the record store
so i could pick up
a few things
i really needed,
then it was off
for a view of
the city and
a few photos.
later we dropped
auntie deb off
at the airport,
saying goodbye
until we see her
again in early
april for maddy’s
birthday party.
we went home
and maddy
spent the afternoon
and evening
playing with me,
interrupting my writing,
and trying to
take me in
a staring contest.
i won,
so maddy had
spend the rest
of the evening
as my mouse pad.
maddy coughing,
my head feeling heavy,
we went to
bed early.
where were we
a year ago?
liz
was enjoying
her second favorite
day of her
i sat by,
smiling, knowing that
there was little
at this time that
would have brought
as much joy as
that one, thoughtful
gift from
a friend who
knew what she
was going through.
that was a
great fucking day.
march 9 – 11.
it was work
and daycare,
and not much else.
it was this week
that i got reacquainted
with an album
that seems like
an old friend.
maddy seems to
be on the mend,
but i
feel like garbage.
on the evening of the 11th
we met up with
rhonda and jonathan
at a restaurant in
eagle rock for
the happy hour.
liz
loved this place.
we went there
a couple of times,
once soon after we
bought our house.
we had just
found out that
we were going to
need that third
bedroom for
something other
than storage.
i remember exactly what
she ordered
that night…
a pulled-pork sandwich
(she ordered this from any menu it was on, no matter which restaurant we were in)
and a water.
(it was around the time her diet coke craving disappeared).
we sat inside,
talking excitedly about
our future.
we were both beyond
thrilled to become parents.
after dinner, i remember
her getting really
excited because there
was a manicure/pedicure
place opposite
the restaurant.
i remember her running,
almost skipping,
definitely jaywalking
across colorado blvd
to find out
if it was the
kind of place
she could see herself
spending part of
her saturday afternoon
every two weeks.
the little moments,
all triggered by
the weirdest things…
this time?
a menu placed in
my face by
a goth-looking teen
girl behind the counter,
mentioning the
meal that
liz
ordered that evening
i could see and
hear her…
clapping excitedly,
hands just below
her chin.
…
enjoyed catching up
with our friends
and loved our dinner,
then went home,
meeting up with
our friend melanie.
she was kind enough
to hang out
with maddy for a
bit while i continued
working on
my project.
maddy was as
difficult as usual.
so melanie picked up
my house a bit.
(i have great friends).
with maddy asleep
and my living room
passable again,
i convinced her
that she could go home.
i worked until i
couldn’t keep my
eyes open any longer
and headed to sleep.
thursday.
march 12th.
today was interesting for
a few reasons.
had a great
lunch meeting with
someone, and right
before we met,
i got a call
i didn’t expect.
both things
could lead to
a positively brighter
future, but i’m
cautiously pessimistic
about such things.
that night our friend
lauren arrived,
in town for the
weekend to see
some friends and
family, and to
see her dogs off
before they head
to australia.
we had
dinner with her
at the french
restaurant in eagle rock,
but this may
be the last time.
madeline seems a
little too interested
in the waiters.
(the women who have been to this place will know why).
it’s way too
early for this type
of behavior.
friday.
march 13.
(haven’t we had a few friday the 13ths lately?)
things were going
pretty well for
us on this
date last year.
this year?
something different.
today was
another normal
day for us.
except for the
fact that my boss
sent me home
early with a
note that said,
“you look like _____ (fill in the blank) go home.”
i picked up madeline,
drove home and
tried to take
a nap.
she wanted nothing
to do with it,
so i took her
outside and let
her play
in the grass.
i laid down
next to her
with my eyes open,
taking in
the plants, trees & flowers.
the grapevine
is starting to
get some green leaves.
the jasmine has
bloomed and the flowers
at the bottom
are starting to
turn brown.
soon they’ll be
gone and the memories
from this time
last year with
partially fade,
only to be revived when
the bush blooms again.
enough.
i got up and
got my cameras…
took a
couple of photos
and tried to focus
on the present.
we went back
inside and i watched
her do this:
that evening maddy
spent the night
hanging out
with elizabeth and
her family
while i went out.
met up with k8 and lauren
for a little dinner
at the other
french restaurant,
where we spent
the night talking
and laughing.
k8 had to get
home to be in bed
before 7:30 so lauren
and i went into
hollywood to see
a band i’ve been
wanting to see
for many years
at a place
i’ve been to
many, many times.
great show interrupted
only by a woman
who decided she
should be topless,
and a man who
should have stopped
drinking a few
beers before he started
fighting the people
in the back.
dropped lauren
at her car,
and i drove home.
maddy still at
elizabeth’s house…
it’s too late to
pick her up…
i took the
opportunity to
watch a bit
of tv and
listen to some of
my new records.
a quiet night.
i needed this.
saturday morning.
march 14.
woke up before 6:00
and was on elizbeth’s
doorstep by 8:00.
picked up my
girl then headed to
the west side
for a haircut
and a visit with
the ladies at blush,
the ladies that
used to take
such good care of
liz.
it’s always fun
to visit them.
we talk,
and they tell me
stories about
liz.
from them i
get to hear
her
side of some things
(they have a great story about her reaction to the robot).
this time i
ended up
crying because they
told me that she
never once complained
about me,
even though they
could tell she was
exasperated by some
of my stupid antics.
after the haircut
we headed home
and i spent the
early afternoon
listening to maddy
play some music
and watching
her demonstrate which
parts of my house
need to be
baby-proofed first.
later, we met up
with our friend for
a quick photo shoot.
we met a german
biker who
wanted a photo
with my “beautiful robot”
we said goodbye
to lauren
and maddy and
i spent the
evening playing with
toys and listening
to some records.
one week from now
we will be
somewhere else.
sunday.
march 15.
10 days,
and then what?
nothing.
same thing as before
and after.
got up and
went to breakfast,
then spent the
early afternoon
following maddy around
the house.
in the afternoon we
met up with gina and
her husband chris for
a photo shoot
for madeline’s first birthday.
we went back to
griffith park so we
could get even better
shots than the
ones that deb and
i took the week before.
i took a few:
but gina’s wonderful eye
captured things
so beautifully.
i loved all of
the photos
she took,
but this one
is my favorite.
and her husband, chris?
he shot some
video of the photo
shoot and created this
it was my first time
meeting him, but
within minutes i felt
like we were
old friends.
and it was a
joy to see the
two of them
working together.
they’re one hell
of a team.
it started to
get dark so we
said goodbye
to everyone,
picked up some
dinner on the way
home, and spent
the evening relaxing,
just the two
of us.
she was content
to play on the
chair for awhile,
but then something changed…
i saw a look come
over her face…
during the past
month or so
i have perfected
the ability to
read her face,
and this one
told me she was
about to cause
some mayhem.
i was right…
first she tried
to pull the
lamp over.
then she tried
banging on the
glass doors on
the book shelves,
then she tried
to crawl over the
arm of the chair
so she could
get some tools
to aid her
in committing the
destruction she envisioned.
oh man…
it was a
long night of
trying to contain her.
gone are the
days i could
leave her by herself
and she’d be
in the same place…
now, i leave her
alone for 30 seconds
and not only has
she moved, so
has everything
else in the room.
this is when
shit is about to
get really, really fun.
152 Comments
Yay Maddy! I’m so happy for the both of you and how far you’ve come.
Sophie
i love the picture of you two staring each other down, haha. it’s just so adorable. but heck what pictures don’t i love of you guys. seriously, madeline is a mini model in the making
great job
it’’s been so cool seeing maddy grow into a little person through reading your blog. she really is beautiful.
& she’s crawling like a champ!!
No more baby, almost a “toddler”!
Fun indeed – but just about the best age ever. She is beautiful, but you know that. Love the zoo cage photos! Liz would have giggled, I’m sure of it!
She’s getting so big!
Hahahahahah I’ve tried that medicine trick many times with my son, but he don’t fall for it! He just tries to feed it back to me! Glad it works for you!
Horse pictures!! Sorry. Can’t help myself. Lovin’ the carousel.
The joys of having a toddler will only get better…lol Madeline is growing up so fast and it is such a joy to read about you guys adventures all the time! Keep doing a great job Matt! She is one hell of a lucky little girl!
my roommate and I love watching the videos of maddy! we could always use a few more of those when you have the time. we also wonder when you plan on making your next trip to mn?
The video of you & Maddy is so beautiful. You seem like such an amazing dad, and Maddy so happy. Your wife would be proud. Continued good wishes for you, Maddy and the foundation.
What a big girl! She’ll be walking on her own in no time if she’s cruising along the furniture now.
The part about the hospital mani/pedi brought back a lot of memories for me about my own hospital bedrest. I found someone to come in and do the same for me and it brightened my outlook for several days. I keep saying I want to set up some sort of program where women on longterm bedrest can have this done for free at local hospitals. Maybe I should stop thinking about it and start doing something about it.
I don’t know how its possible for Maddy to get any cuter, but she does! It’s amazing. Deb’s smile (in the close up picture of her and Maddy on the merry-go-round) looks just like Liz’s….don’t you think?! Wow. Keep up the good work Matt. Yes, now it gets REALLY busy when they are mobile and they start testing you!! BTW……Oprah!?!??!! F’n awesome.
my little girl is 2 weeks away from turning one. things are about to get really fun for us too.
i love reading your blog. it gives me an idea of what i have to look forward to with my little girl
Matt- you are such an angel of a daddy. I know your life is hectic, but please keep blogging, I’ve fallen in love with your family and I get so excited to read your updates!!!
Happy Belated Birthday Peanut!
Rachael
You’re in for it. And soon. My daughter was born one month before Madeline & she just started walking this weekend. Oy.
Wow… She is growing so fast! You are doing such an incredible job!! If you are ever in the Sacramento area we would love to meet you sometime! My 3y/o (Madison) would love to have a play date sometime :0)
Fun is one word for it… there are a few others I can think of but I’ll just let you figure them out.
So Benjamin just saw your picture and he loves it too, “There’s Maddy and Maddy’s Daddy – Matt – and he’s holding balloons!”
He freaked out.
SO remarkable these little ones.
This post was beautiful by the way… absolutely amazing.
Way to go on administering the medicine!
I know it’s not the same thing, but since my ex and I separated, I keep having those flashes of memories, like you said, little moments which were stored away in your brain are triggered by the weirdest things and now they take on a huge significance.
Better get moving on that babyproofing, she’s going to walk soon…
I too love the ‘cage’ picture of you and Maddy – it sort of signifies something…like being trapped but yet…not…
Do I make sense?
Ah Fuck it – when do I ever!
I found your blog a few months ago and haven’t been able to stop reading. You are very poetic. And an awesome parent. You’re daughter is beautiful.
I’m envisioning a show and tell in the distant but not so far future. It goes a little something like this: “This is my daddy’s robot. He goes everywhere with us. When I’m mad, daddy says I’m robot-pissed.”
It’s gonna be great.
Oh you are so right! My 11 month old’s favorite thing to do is pull anything and everything off of any shelf in the house! But it’s so worth it to see her smiling when she’s doing it! You’re doing a great job! Keep it up!
It’s amazing how fast they change. I have a feeling that no matter how prepared you think you are, they’ll stay one step ahead of you. Can’t turn your back for a second. It is incredible to watch, but at the same time, I miss the “slug” stage when you could go pee without worrying!
Wow – you’ve been busy! I can’t believe she’s a toddler, she’s so big! It’s amazing how fast they grow, isn’t it?
Matt, everytime I read your blog I can’t stop myself from thinking how unfair life is.. You are truely inspiring, you are making the best of such a fucked up situation. Madeline is such a blessing. After reading the posts from a year ago in March and learning all the difficulties that Madeline had in -utero and noone could even imagine that the one who wouldn’t be ok would be Liz, I am convinced that Madeline is here to make you ok.. to be able to bare the loss. I am so, so sorry. You are doing a great job, Madeline exudes happiness.
Is it just me, or did her xylophone “ding” go perfectly with the song that was playing??
What a sweetheart! Those videos are too cute! That is awesome about the formula coupons, I will have to look and see what I can find!
Yep! You’re getting to the crazy stage! It’s a bunch of fun.. but be prepared for some bumps and bruises. Kids don’t seem to remember that if they crawl under a table, they need to come back out BEFORE they stand up.
Love the pics and videos. Thank you so much for sharing these peeks into your life with us. Maddy is so cute – I grin from ear-to-ear whenever I see her. She’s such a happy, sweet kiddo!
We’ve been thinking of you the past few weeks. I can only imagine how difficult it’s been. Sending you lots of hugs from Virginia.
Ahhhh, my husband is trying to trick the baby into taking medicine as I type! I don’t think your method is working for him
Great post….I always look forward to them! She is lovely as usual!!
Aww she is so grown up and K8 is so OLD !!!! Honestly thought way to go Matt, Maddy’s growing perfectly and I love you medication trick but I’d be so scared of dripping some in my mouth and scaring her off it forever!
I love that look she gave you at the end. Almost like she is checking to see if you are paying attention or not so she can start making mischief!
I would want a picture with your beautiful robot too! Maybe I need to hang out on the trails more often…
I remember my son just learning how to stand and walk…stumbling from couch to chair and back again. Soak it in…it’ll be gone too quick.
Kudos on the “medicine manipulation”, too. That’s a big deal with my son. When it comes to medicine, my son has BIG TIME taste buds. He lets it all drools out of his mouth regardless of flavor or brand. I’m using medicinal suckers now. Ugh.
Oh…and I just LOVE that f*cking robot!!!
I loved all the photos from her 1st birthday photo shoot.
She is such a happy girl-you are doing an excellent job-I am sure Liz would be very proud of you.
You have no idea!!! Enjoy it, they grow up so fast!!
i laughed, i cried, i grinned…you have a way with words.
you continue to prove to everyone (yourself, too, i hope) that you are one rad dad.
wishing you all the best for your “positively brighter future”
The photos of You and Maddy are beyond awesome! And your favorite is also my favorite… that definitely has to be framed and hung up. My little girl turns one on Saturday… how quickly the time flies!
Loved the update. Yep, any freedom you might have had is about to be gone! She’ll be walking within weeks.
But it’s a great time….enjoy the heck out of it and keep making videos and taking pictures.
Loved your post!!!! Great to hear from you!!!! Maddy is as cute as ever!
Bonnie and Clyde…takin’ on the world.
And you are right – this shit called “toddler years” is about to get really fun! Enjoy every minute of it.
Love the cage pics…
I just started reading your blog a few days ago and I’ve spent those few days reading every entry from the past year. You are an amazing human being and I’m sure Liz is proud of all you have accomplished over the past year. You are truly someone that your daughter will be able to look up to.
I hope Madeline had a wonderful birthday and that you made it through the anniversary of the worst day of your life as best you could.
You write beautifully. It’s been so wonderful to read your words over the last year and to witness both you and Madeline grow and change. Love the pics.
And, I LOVED it when my daughters started to walk. It is so fun and it is cool to see their personalities emerge along with their physical skills. You will love it! Give Madeline a big smooch from her Canadian peeps!
That photo of Maddy as a mousepad is priceless. And the shots that Gina took – stunning. I don’t know how you pick a fave out of those.
oh boy, fun’s just beginning.. shes gonna become a walking nightmare.. lol don’t forget to buy lots of band-aids and remember..the first dozen or so trips to the ER will go by in a flash..don’t forget also to BREATHE.. ur a good man Charlie Brown
Genius about the medicine, though that is a total dad thing, as I feel my hubby has tried that slick move once or twice.
It is amazing how mobile they get, and how quickly. It is awesome to watch them grow!
So excited for Maddy and her standing! YAY!! The medicine story had me cracking up!! You’re a clever, clever person
Love, Mere
It’s amazing how quickly they change! Look at her go…she’s on the move!
“this is when
shit is about to
get really, really fun”
You can say that again!!
She is in the fun but exhausting stage..Especially once she starts walking, wait scratch that, RUNNING! haha
Hang in there Matt
I’m constantly amazed at you and at Maddy and it’s incredible how the photographs that you take express the bond that she has with you. I’ve never seen a father/daughter bond so intense. I’m in awe of you two every day. Thanks for sharing with us.
So as I’m getting kids ready for bed tonight I see on my twitter that you’ve posted a new blog. I was rushing thru the books and cuddles just to get to my laptop…what a creep! You and Maddie have really gotten a piece of my heart though. Maybe it’s the mom in me, or that we’re the same age, or the simple raw humanity that keeps me so genuinely interested in how you both are doing. It is so evident in your writings that you have kept your heart open throughout all of this and that will be one of the greatest gifts you will ever give your daughter. She can feel it already, I can see it on her face.
Oh My she will be walking soon! I love the picture of maddy sleeping. I have taken about 25 pictures of my yougest sleeping in just about the same position. I love each and everyone of them
http://sprucehill.typepad.com/
I love the photo of the two of you riding the carousel. She just looks overjoyed!
Things will only get worse…next time you will walk in the room and she will be sitting on the dining room table (this happened to me with me son last week)! Good luck!!!
What a gorgeous little girl! The joy in your face when you are with her is tangible. My heart aches for you both, but you clearly have such a special bond.
Yeah, when Luke started destroying everything we realized what a death trap we live in.
“k8 had to get
home to be in bed
before 7:30″
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Hey Matt & Madeline,
Amadeus & I would like to formally wish Maddie a happy 1st birthday (the way we do everything a month too late) but, nonetheless, would love to spend a day with you before departing for San Diego. Not sure how this all pans out with your new found celebrity *not that you were searching for that, but it found you, righteously so* but, we would love to see you adorable peeps in the first week in May if that works out for you. Otherwise, we will painfully stand in line with all the cool folks that come to your site… and soon it will be the President.
Anyhoo, hopefully you will be around – and if you can’t we understand… but will sulk a lot.
Oh how I love your blogs!! Maddy is so freakin precious I almost can’t stand it!! My baby (who turned 1 on March 16th) just started walking a week ago…..its like all of the sudden he just took off! It has been really fun….it is so cute to watch! Can’t wait till Maddy is walking all over the place!! Hope you guys are having a great night!
What a good husband and daddy you are! This is a great post – ok, that is not saying that others are crappy, just this one captured so many things. The photo of Maddy with Deb on the carousel is just awesome! I re-read the link of March 24, 2008. The last line in that post . . . Your understandin of life is very deep.
Things are about to get fun, huh? Indeed
Oh, man. I feel your pain. Ian just started walking, and no longer can he be left alone. He moves too quickly. I know that he’s up to no good when it gets really, really quiet…and then I run to find out what shenanigans he’s up to. Don’t worry, though. You should have a few more weeks before she’s walking!
Well Matt, it was nice knowing you From now on you’ll be constantly following her around and picking up all the shit she destroys.
If you want to spare your house from destruction, you are more than welcome to fly out to VA and stay here with my 1yr old, 3yr old, and 9yr old as they destroy my house, but I get to leave.
Seriously, you are doing a great job and Madeline is beautiful.
it’s amazing what they learn in those first few years of life. Enjoy every moment, because before you know it, they’re teenagers asking for the keys! Thank you for sharing your days with Maddie. I laugh, I cry and I think of you and often. You’re doing a great job!!
HEY! I *fully* stayed up til 9:30 that night pal, and you know it!!! I am SO mocking you when YOU’RE 43, Dude.
How come no pix of me and LFarm? Too hot for a family blog, no doubt.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/katerz1/3360617883/
Hi!
I read your entire blog today.. does that sound weird.
I came from mycharmingkids.
Your daughter is beautiful and so full of life!
Your doing a wonderful job!
I enjoyed watching the videos. Really enjoyed the one where she was sleeping, I love to watch my daughter sleep. What song and who sings it was in the background? I loved it.
Also enjoyed the video and photos from the photo shoot you had (w/Gina and Chris). The photos are awesome and the video. I dropped a tear or two. Cried in my chai tea. I’m not sure why. It was just so beautiful. Madeline sure is growing and learning so much. She’s going to be a beautiful handful. She’s a very wise child. Her eyes say so much. She completely and utterly adores you.
You are about to enter the “toddler zone”. Good luck my friend, there is nothing like it..except the zone when you have to lock the liquor away from the teens. Neither works..
I’ve been reading this blog for quite some time and I’ve never commented. Well, it’s time to come out of the woodwork. You are doing a beautiful job raising a beautiful daughter. You are doing the best job of anyone I’ve seen of keeping a beautiful memory alive. I can only imagine, and probably not very well, how hard things are, but know that you inspire me and many others with every post. The Liz Logelin Foundation is the only charity I’ve ever donated more than my time to.
I know I’m only echoing thousands of others, but I mean every word.
~M
loved this post!
You both are too awesome.
Man oh Man! That little Angel sure is growing some horns! Welcome to toddlerville! I believe they truly are toddlers when they have bruised shins. She is nearly there. My son has a few months on her and he is slowly plotting ways to take over the world, I’m sure of this. Maddy is so adorable and I’m thinking it is a good thing she is so cute because all she is gonna do is flash you those big blue eyes and a Liz sized grin and Daddy’s gonna melt! Enjoy every single moment as I know you do!!!! I still get formula checks and when I do I will send them away!!! You rock!!!
As an aside, after joining with Mckmama, how about Pioneer Womann, it would give great exposure to the foundation. Also CF Husband, as they were blessed with a lung donation. Just a thought.
@K8 in the Northridge – 9:30 Central Standard Time right? So 7:30 Rock Star time for MLog and LFarm?
Oh man! You have a lot of fun ahead of you! This was always my favorite time with my kids. They are so eager to explore and tear shit up! It is such an amazing time. Enjoy it! Soon enough she’ll be five going on 15 like my daughter. As always…Maddy is such a little doll!!! ; )
rad pictures indeed.
love the robot shots.
and your little musician is quite talented.
I can’t believe how big she is! I loved her crawling and the robot looking on. Kinda creepy, in a good way. lol.
Love the music playing in your videos.
Maddy looks so much older!! And those pics from the cage are the funniest things I have ever seen!
I found your blog from MckMama and haven’t been able to tear myself away. You are an amazing wonderful man and father.
Loved this post and the pictures of Madeline are adorable. That video he made of the photo shoot is so awesome and something that you and Madeline can cherrish forever.
Your blog is awesome and I have it on my favorites now and will be checking in a lot.
As I watch you enjoy your daughter and chart her growth, I think of my own baby who is now 16. Maddy learned to sit down from a standing position and Meg is acting on the stage with grown ups that love her. I love hearing about the compliments they heap on her as much as you relish Maddie’s ventures into unchartered territory. Enjoy. It never stops. When Maddie is 16 you too will be listening to her words and loving each one like buttered toast with honey on a Saturday morning. It just gets better and better and one day you wonder what the hell happened to time? It seems like yesterday you were waiting for those first steps and now you are planning SATs and ACTs and peeking at glimpses of college. It goes way too fast Matt and you are powerless to stop it, so relax, feel the current and let it take you on the most amazing journey of your life. Watch out for those forks in the river, pay attention, trust your instincts and enjoy the ride, never be afraid to get wet.
Ooh, is that a Ganesha? I’m jealous! Screw the robot, keep that dude around more often. I think he’s helping you guys immensely.
As always, beautiful photos and memories. You’ve got so much fun ahead. If Maddy’s standing, she’ll be cruising very soon, then walking, and let me tell you- its awesome. My Maddy (and her twin Lily) are about 6wks older than your Maddy, and the last 6 wks have probably been the most exciting we’ve had yet. Watching a baby learn to walk – its so damn cool. You’re in for a treat.
How do you get the check out people to let you use more than one formula check per visit? And don’t tell me they take one look at Maddy’s cute little self and let you use all the expired (no less) checks. I have yet to be successful with this and was wondering b/c you seem to be a pro at it. Also who or what is playing in the background of the “crawling” video? Thanks for the new post. Kiss Maddy lots and have a great weekend.
It’s amazing how a little person can cause so much havoc! I have so many lovely books with torn pages, so many CDs with broken cases, all because of my adorable daughters. Good luck with Maddy’s increased mobility. And have fun
I saw an article about your family a while back, but ended up here today after clicking on a friend’s blog link. I’m sorry you lost your Liz and Madeleine lost her Mommy. Your way of writing, expressing yourself, is so interesting to me- I’m a writer, and write very differently than you. I really enjoy the way you write. It reminds me in some ways of Dave Eggers. Have you read Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius? If you haven’t, I’d like to send it to you. Could you please email me a contact address? I’d like to send Madeleine something too, from my daughter Lola (she’s 7) and myself.
You know what? I have a lump in my leg too. It’s just a bunch of lump. I hope I never have to get it out like you did. Vicodin makes me crazy.
Your New Internets Friend,
Maggie
My email: ( cuz I dyed my hair blonde for too long and it sunk in to my brains and I forgot to give you my email )
beezus74@hotmail.com
Stock up on gates, baby proof everything, get yourself a little beer fridge and eventually the little lady will need a cute little puppy to grow up with!
Love the pics. Can we request some baby pics of you and Liz? If too painful, sorry in advance. (I always look forward to pics of Liz that we haven’t seen before)
I’ll admit that it has been a little while since I checked in here. I cannot believe how big she is getting. Wow. Such a beautiful girl. You are doing such a fantastic job Matt.
That little pink and blue outfit is just adorable on Madeline
I’m always amazed at how much of a disaster little ones can make!! lol It is crazy, but SO much fun!! I love this age! The smiles, the “ups”, the excitement when you walk through the door….so much fun!
Maddy is even more adorable than ever. I love how she looks just like Liz, what a beautiful reminder of your wonderful wife!
Oh no when they start walking it is fabulous! Everything starts to slooooooow down because they can’t move so quickly. May she soon start to walk and take a long time getting good at it
This is my first time commenting on here. I was never really sure what to say that you hadn’t already heard a zillion times. Though I’m sure hearing some things never gets old, like that your Maddy is just a doll!
After living in Germany for the last 7 years though, I have to say something about the picture of the German biker in the spandex with your robot…some people may not understand, but that had me CRACKING UP!! I can almost hear his voice and feel his excitment when he got to hold the robot! It is a freakin’ awesome robot, don’t get me wrong!! Germans are funny (please don’t yell at me if your German, I’m not hating on you believe me). Hans and robot just cracked me up!
Anyway, your daughter is just gorgeous and it has been fun to watch her grow! You both are lucky to have such kick ass friends, (stranger friends) and family!!
All the best to you both!
things will definitely get a lot more interesting with Maddy being mobile!!!!!!!! Don’t be afraid to set limits for her and then enforce them (gently of course). Kids need to have some structure in their lives. For the future, discipline with love, never make a punishment that you can’t do, and in all things, do them with love, compassion, and understanding (which you will, I have no doubts)….you already do. Never let her use the excuse that she only has one parent so she can do whatever (I know you won’t). Enjoy her….they grow so fast…..my baby is 26 and i wonder where the time went. it is a blink of an eye and they’re on their own (or so they think!!!)
Love the updates and photos…..Liz would be lol about the zoo cages ( I am!!!!!)….there are days that you think that’s where the kids really should be, expecially after a bout of havoc and mayhem!!!!!!
enjoy everything with her. by her pics, you can tell that she is happy (maybe robot pissed once in awhile!!), loved, and secure in her world. That is a tribute to you. Someone said to trust your instinct and that is the best advice…a parent always knows their child best. Enjoy her, the best is coming soon!!!!
I was so excited to read about your medicine technique! Good Job at that one, I don’t think anyone thought about that?? I will use that one on Chloe!
It’s so much fun watching them go from sitting to crawling to standing to walking!! Enjoy it cc it feels like forever ago for my 2 year old!!
Record it and take lots of pictures (as I am sure you will) bc it will soon fade and you might even forget about when and how it all happened!
As usual Maddy is so Beautiful and the videos and pics are Awesome!! Your doing a great Job at this Daddy thing!! You should pat your self on the back every night!!
Don’t count on it being weeks until she walks. One of my kids went from crawling to walking in 3 weeks. He only spent 3 days cruising the furniture.
Just came across your blog a couple of days ago, and I have read it from the beginning up until to-date.
Wow!
That is one heck of a journey!
I’m deeply touched, and impressed with your strength to share your story. The reading was stopped sometimes because I couldn’t see for all tears, and sometimes because it was too much to take in. I can’t even begin to imagine your pain, but your way of handling it and sharing it is very inspiring and encouraging.
At the same time your blog tells about wonderful positive moments and lots of love. The pictures of Maddy always make me smile. She is such a beautiful little girl!
Your way of writing is amazing, and so are your pictures. I will definitely continue following your blog, as long as you want to share with us.
I wish you and Maddy and your family all the best for the future!
The staring contest was GREAT! Love the pics of the robot. That darn robot is hilarious. I had to laugh at the “robot in the weeds” pic. Liz would be laughing too. Glad you had a nice visit with friend and family. Hugs to Maddy from Ohio!
Matt – Great post. I love the pics on the merry go round. Deb and Liz and Maddy all share the same infectious smile.
Thanks for sharing your life with everyone. I hope that it’s helping you as well. I know you don’t need anyone to tell you, but Liz would be so proud of you.
Ahh, I loved this age, enjoy! You are doing an awesome job, I’m sure Liz is proud. Take Care!
Maddy is getting so big…. Looking forward to seeing the Oprah show.
http://singlemompayingoffdebt.blogspot.com/
Oh yeah shit gets really fun right about now. My son is just about 2 weeks older than Maddie and there is never a dull moment in the house these days!
“this is when the shit is about to get really, really fun.”
So this is why reading this blog is so good for me. “Fun” is definitely not the word I was using when my 15 month old started destroying our house. Reading your posts over the past year have led me to the following conclusion…I really need to lighten the f*** up!!!!
I love the photo where Maddy is on your shoulders (with her tongue out) and you’re looking over you sunglasses. I don’t know…it kind of looks like the two of you have a bit of an attitude.
ah yes, the moving part. That is a tough one as you feel like you are constantly on guard. I heard it gets better. we’ll have to wait and see.
The picture of the staring contest is priceless! You will get that look many, many times over the next 17 years. She’s gorgeous, Matt.
I can’t believe how much Deb looks like Liz when she smiles. Must be kind of comforting, yet erie for you. I LOVE the cage pics and the ones the photographer took are totally amazing! They video is unbelievable!!
It’s somehow incredible when our babies start turning into kids…it’s like, you KNOW they are going to grow up into little people, but when they are so young and helpless, it’s hard to picture it – and then, so fast, you can’t leave them alone for five seconds, nevermind 30 seconds. The other day, I left my daughter outside to grab a cloth to clean up our bubbles mess (she 20 months, BTW), and in the 10 seconds I was inside, she moved from the sidewalk up into the chair that I had out there for myself…and was proceeding to STAND on the chair…many fun, albeit stressful, times ahead with Miss Maddy! Great post.
I have a feeling the mobility will bring some funny stories…and great medicine trick!
I did not realize how much Deb looks like Liz until I saw the carousel pic, sisters indeed!
She is getting so big! I can’t believe it has already been a year.
Yeah… get ready for this ride. Mine are into everything. They climb on everything. And nothing is ever where I left it. Life is a blast when they are “discovering” things.
Blessings to you two.
I love the photos from the old zoo. I actually want to go there now and see what it’s all about.. May take me a while though considering I don’t live in LA. Really enjoyed reading with the flashbacks to ‘08. Can’t wait till the next post!
Hey, that’s me!
Also, I agree with what Maggie May said up above. Never given it much thought but your writing style does indeed vibe well with Dave Eggers. His “You Shall Know Our Velocity” is one of my favorite books.
Hope you guys have a great weekend.
I too just love the picture of the both of you staring eachother down. Very cute. I also just noticed just how much Auntie Deb looks like Liz when she smiles, I totally see it in the picture of Auntie Deb and Madeline on the merry-go-round.
Hope you both are well.
As always, enjoy reading your entries.
Kisses for Madeline
Not too much longer and she’ll be wanting to go in every disgusting public restroom just to check it out….we had that with our boy….let’s hope it a boy thing…..:0) She is a darling and you are doing great!
She’s so adorable, you’ve got to forgive her some of that mayhem from time to time! I just cannot get over her eyes! CUTE!
Liz was lucky to have such a wonderful family. I’m sure she’d be very proud and happy – even with all the robot and zoo pictures.
We are in the same stage. They are into everything and nothing is safe (from them). Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you baby proof they will still find something to get into.
Oh man, she’s going to be walking soon! Crazy! Bella is into everything too so I feel you. I’m constantly peeking in at her if I’m in the kitchen or another room and having to say “No!” as I run to swoop her up from eating the dog food LOL Baby proofing and sometimes going in the playpen is a must. We should be in pretty good shape for awhile huh? I love, love, LOVE all the pictures of Miss Maddy! She’s so damn cute, as you already know
*HUGS*
xoxoxoxo,
Tricia and Bella in the So.Cal
I bet she is walking very very soon! My daughter it was a few months in between, but when I was a nanny, I swear her youngest went from crawling to walking in a week! Smart kid! And Madeline is a smart little cookie, so I bet it is soon that she starts walking.
The old zoo looks like an interesting place to visit! I’m curious now!
Thanks for sharing your life with all of us strangers. My two roosters (I say that because this past week my two kids see the light of day and BAM have to be up that instant…lol) got me up early this morning, so I got coffee, drank it and read your latest entry!
Grabby toddler stage.. aurgh! I would put stuff up out of the boys’ reach, and so the bottom half of a shelf would be fairly neat, with toys put away, and the top out of their reach would be piles of all the stuff that used to be on the bottoms. I’m a packrat by nature and toddler years should have cured it, but they made it worse!!!!
Love all the photos, especially up at Griffith… that is one of the greatest locations in LA. Well, that, and the French restaurant in Eagle Rock, where us ladies go for more than the food. Thank god the food is excellent, otherwise I’d never get my husband to take me there.
As others have said, thank you for sharing your experience with all of us strangers. It gives me hope in humanity when I see how generous everyone is and how much good we can all bring to the world.
it always gets more fun!!!
keep enjoying it like you do, and congrats on the medicine trick!
she just seems sooo grown up already!
those photos in the old zoo are amazing!!!
Oh Boy when Maddy starts to walk watch out…the other day I went out to walk my dog & came in the house & found my daughter upstairs…yes she crawled up the stairs all by herself…needless to say a baby gate was quickly installed. The other night she got into my bathroom cabinet while I was showering & broke a WHOLE bottle of perfume on my bathroom floor. You practically get knocked over by the lingering smell when you walk in there.
Well, enough of my stories…I have wanted to tell you this for sometime…I even mentioned it to my husband the other day…I am amazed that you & Liz were able to stay together all those years you were physically apart while in College & Grad School. I too met my husband in high school & if we did not go to the same college, I cant be sure WE would have lasted. It certainly says something about your level of committment to one another & how strong that bond was. AMAZING!!
Oh, one more thing what exactly is a “hipster”? Can you define this for me? It must be either a CA term or a Matt Logelin term that being from the MA I am not privy to
That one with yo both onf the merry go round is great, her face is just lit up!
this post made me smile so much. she’s so super cute, I can’t take it.
Maddy truly is one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen
I laughed so hard at the description you gave of Maddy’s destruction of your house… my two year old son can rip a room to shreds in less than a minute if I leave him alone!
Have you ever heard about Milkshare.com? Thought you might like to add it to your information to give to widowers of infants – basically, it is a yahoo group where donor breastmilk is donated privately for free – the recipient pays for all shipping costs if shipping is required. Many families locate a local donor and set up an ongoing relationship. Anyway, I am a donor and it is a great experience – the babies get to receive precious breastmilk which is very important. Check it out!
Your little girl is getting more beautiful everyday. I love reading your adventures with her, friends and family.
Matt, I’m sure you’ve already heard it, but just in case you haven’t….there is an NPR podcast of Bonnie “Prince” Billy guest DJ’ing on “All Songs Considered”. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=102242295
OH watch out when she starts walking LOL
Love, love the pics! She’s gorgeous! Thanks for sharing and can’t wait to hear all about Mexico and Oprah! Have a great wkend!
Hey, Matt — I’m sure that German biker was in Kraftwerk.
No wonder he liked the robot…
Hey Matt..
Thank you so much for your blogs. They truly make my day…seeing Maddy grow up has been a joy for all of your readers. The part about Liz’s mani/pedi made me cry. You seem like such a sweet guy…and a great dad. Can’t wait to see you on Oprah!!
at least now that she is plotting and conniving you have a handy place to take her to keep her “contained” like the animals of days of yor…. and it makes for a nice photo season..
Love the pictures! Expecially the one of her staring you down! How funny!! She looks so precious sleeping. =)
Sounds like you have one hell of a boss. Good to know there are people looking out for you Matt. You truly deserve it after all that has transpired.
It is great to see more pictures of Madeline – that last one of her totally looks like a ‘watch me’ kind of face. So cute.
The pictures are lovely.
The medicine manipulation made me laugh so hard! (it’ll only work for a little while!)
The staring contest is great.
I’m afraid to tell you, once they get that “look” in their eye, it’s all downhill! You should invest in some good baby gates soon.
Stand up Maddy n Matt….!!!!
To matt : a good guy and a great dad for maddy… Life must go on… Maddy is Special baby from God for you ‘n Liz forever…
I hope you ‘n Maddy can visit to Indonesia especially Bali…
I’m not very observant, just for the first time noticed the set of footprints in your image title. Made me cry. Still such a great Daddy who makes me want to be a better Mommy.
Matt – I think your Oprah is airing today. I got an email from the show and today is supposed to be on motherhood and feature ‘a famous blogger’. Just in case you didn’t realize it was today – even though it might be weird to want to watch yourself on TV. HA
The link: http://www.oprah.com/dated/oprahshow/oprahshow-20090311-secret-lives-moms
Long time stranger/friend here, though rare commenter. Just have to say I love that Maddy is looking so much like Liz. I obviously never met Liz, but the smile in her photos is infectious, and Maddy’s is so similar…and those eyes! Also, wanted to share that I have a 30 month old blond son who always sits with me as I read your blog and he points at the photos of Maddy and says “me.” He thinks all blond babies are him.
Thanks for sharing your story with us…those of us who have been “with” you through this journey are endlessly inspired.
I was wrong…it happens from time to time. LOL It is just that damn Dooce. HA
Awesome post, Matt! Thanks for sharing! I can’t believe how big she’s getting! And I can just imagine what she’s going to be able to do with that piano in the future! (Well, not exactly THAT piano, but you know what I mean!) Can’t wait to hear more! Love from MN!
ahh love all the photos! thanks for sharing them! she is sure getting around lots now!
oh, I love it. But only because I’m going through very similiar things with my 13 month old. fun times, I tell you.
Oh the things we’ll do for a good photo-op
Ok too lazy to sign into twitter, or flicker….can never remember my passowrd..So tonight it is much easier to just write you right here ! Ok the piano is over the top. It is so precious and she is so dang proud of herself. The train ride is so sweet. She looks like she is trying to be a big girl….and independent toddler..but slow down M your
growing too fast. She is certainly taking on your looks. Fabulous job Matt. Every child should wish to have a father who makes everyday count…toys, vacations, backyards, stroller rides, big or small, expensive or free, you make every day special for m + m!
matt, i read your story in people magazine. It truley touched me. The stories of your life were so raw and heartfelt. Your love for Liz is amazing , almost as amazing as your love for madeline. You have done amazing at a job that is meant for two. You always say what Madeline got from Liz but what you never say is what she will get from you. She will most definatly receive your strength and most of all she will receive your love for Liz. I do not know if your religious but i know that Liz is looking down soooo very proud of what you have accomplished in the last year. God bless you two.
Hi Matt.
I’m wondering how to go about recommending someone to receive a donation from the Liz Foundation? There is a woman in our home state of MN. . . 29 years old, whose husband just passed away (also 29) and she is now left to the task of raising 3 little children all by herself. She is the epitome of someone who could benefit from the wonderful foundation yet set up in Liz’s honor. I know you get a lot of comments, and may not read them all, but if you do read this one, and could contact me, my email is filled out in the comment section. Thanks.
Maddy is as adorable as ever but I know exactly what you mean about trying to contain her, except for me, it is a set of 10 month-old boy/girl twins. Try getting a Superyard XT, or what my husband and I refer to it as, “Baby Jail.” It’s great because you can just put all of their toys in it and let them loose without worrying about them destroying the house. It has kept them occupied for at least an hour at times, so you don’t have to constantly chase them down or say no eight hundred times an hour. And best of all, you can easily fold the panels back up and put it away.
Mobile toddlers, there is nothing like it. It makes you see your house and others homes in a whole new light. Places you never thought of cleaning you will now and then you will realize that they will get into and put more disgusting things in their mouths then you will have ever dreamed of…it’s great!
Love your medicine trick. Mine have always been great about taking medicine but the 20 month old scares me now, he is taking his meds like he is practicing for frat life!
a new widow. so very sad.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/group.php?gid=56122449283
please consider giving her some information about your organization.
Wait until she walks. I was so happy when my Maddie finally walked and now she is all over the place. You will be longing for those days
Oh don’t forget those falls and bumps and bruises to come.
She’s that much closer to helping you with laundry
Much closer than you think. My son is less that 1 year older than Maddy and he’s been “helping” me for months. He does manage to push the basket from outside the bedroom to the door to the garage (where the washer/dryer is). Ok, there’s other fun she’ll provide than help with laundry but I was just reminded of a blog entry you wrote a long time ago.