yesterday.
maddy sneezed
an entire mouthful of
strawberry yogurt
at me.
i said, “shit” outloud.
then i remembered
that she’s trying
to mimic my words.
like on thursday
night i said, “goodnight”
and she said something
that sounded like, “nye”
or like saturday
when i pointed
at a barking dog
and told her
what it was,
she said something
that sounded like, “dah.”
so as she sat
in her highchair,
i pointed at
the yogurt splatters
and said, “spit.”
nothing.
then (without pointing to anthing)
i said, “bass” (like the fish)
nothing.
then i said, “duck”
still nothing.
the good news is
that she is not
catching on all
that quickly.
but i’ll keep
practicing with
her, cause as
soon as she can
get the rhymes,
she can get
the real swear words.
that said, i resolve
to be a bit
more careful
the next time
we’re in the car
or the next
time she spits
yogurt at me.
ok.
last weeks we
had a few visitors
in town.
we hung out with
our friends, henry,
sara and thor.
among other things,
we spent a little
time in our yard
(sara is somewhere else in this photo).
and we went to
an awesome indoor
play area in silver lake.
on thursday i took
my imac in
to get the screen repaired
(lovely thin, blue line running down the center of the screen. thankfully the thing is still under warranty).
put maddy in
the frame backpack
i bought a few months
ago so i’d have
a free hand or two to
carry the 6000 pound
computer through the mall
and into the apple store.
met blog reader, liz, who
helped keep maddy
entertained as i
talked to one
of the sales people.
(thank you).
…
i’ve been obsessed
with this song
for the last two weeks.
…
had breakfast
with my friend, andrea
on saturday.
then i went home
and maddy
took an epic nap
while i cleaned my
car and installed
maddy’s new car seat.
(thanks to the people at orbit for the car seat, base, and stroller and thanks to phoebe r. for arranging this surprise).
i transferred a few
things from the car
to the garage until
i can drop them
off for donation
(extra strollers, very gently used car seat).
i fucking hate going
into my garage.
i avoid it like
most people avoid
root canals.
every time i step inside
i’m assaulted by
some new,
long-forgotten
object that elicits
the kind of longing
i shouldn’t have
at this point
in my life.
fuck.
figured i may as
well try once
again to find our
book of wedding photos.
i’ve been searching
for this thing
off and on
for about 13
months now.
i dug through a couple
of boxes without
finding what i wanted.
stuck my fingers
through the handle holes
of one of the
white banker’s boxes
that hold a lot
of our shit.
i felt something soft…
i tore the top
off of the box
and inside
i found the
black pashmina
she
wore when it
was cold.
immediate thought was,
“why is this out here?”
then i realized
i had accidentally
opened up a
box that had come from
liz’s
office, packed up and
delivered to me
months ago by
her friend and corworker, elizabeth.
everything else
was individually wrapped up
in white paper with
indiscernible words
written with a variety of
colored markers.
i picked up one
of the things
to see what was
written on the paper.
perhaps a note to me
from her coworkers?
i got the object
half way unwrapped
and found that
the wrapping paper
was just a piece of paper
torn from one of
those easels seen in
nearly every corporate
meeting room…
and on it was
the writing of some
executive probably trying in
vain to increase
profits for the company.
i didn’t take the
time to read it all.
i just returned the item
and closed the box.
and started crying.
…
i opened another
box and then another.
opened probably 12 boxes
before i found the
one i needed.
there it was.
the long, black
box that holds
an afternoon and night
full of memories,
a book that i should
be flipping through with
her.
instead, i grabbed it
and blew the dust
from it.
inside the box were
other things from
the past.
a few more photos
in frames,
photos i didn’t take,
from a time before
i had a camera.
a photo of
us
at my college graduation.
and the photo that
liz
took of nate, wallace and me
frolicking on the
island of corsica
while traveling through
europe in 1999.
and that photo of
us
riding the donkey
on olvera street.
so there they
were, laying in the grass,
the photos of
some of the happiest moments
of my life.
of our lives.
i cried some more
before heading inside
to check on
maddy.
there she was,
sitting up in her
crib, smiling away.
we spent the next
few hours playing
with a couple
of cardboard boxes.
just what i needed.
…
back to yesterday.
after the rhyming test,
our friends mckenna, jeffra and mark
stopped by for
a visit.
maddy and mckenna got
awfully friendly with
one another
while the parents talked.
eventually it was time
to get our kids
changed into
their pajamas for
sophie’s cookie monster
pajama party.
we drove to the
playroom on ventura
and had a great time
with a bunch
of familiar and
unfamiliar faces.
maddy, bella and mckenna
played in the
ball pit:
maddy and bella did
a little standing and playing
and maddy got to ride
some weird horse thing
then gave him
a kiss.
everyone had an
amazing time.
(just look how happy maddy was).
we said goodbye
to some,
then had mark, jeffra and mckenna
over for a little
thai food.
by 10:30pm they were
out the door
and i was left
with a quiet house.
…
been getting some
good photos of maddy
before we head
off to work
and daycare each day…
monday:
tuesday:
wednesday:
thursday:
friday:
and the weekend..
saturday:
sunday:
…
two quick notes.
1. i’ll be in my home state with my best girl from this thursday to monday. what are you doing on sunday, june 21st? do you live in or near the mn? would you like to come to maddy’s second annual pool party? if so, drop me a line at mattandmaddy (at) gmail (dot) com with the word, “party” in the subject line and i’ll send you the details.
2. i’ll have a sorta big announcement for you either later today or early tomorrow.
promise.
183 Comments
Can’t wait to hear the announcement !!!
I love Friday’s picture… looks like she was still half asleep…. so precious !!!
I LOVE the pictures of Maddy on the stoop! Thery’re the cutest, I could look at hundreds of them!
She’s getting so big!
I have my niece on camera saying “bitch” …and you thought shit was bad..lol
You make me laugh and cry all at once…
Maddy is beautiful. Those are some amazing photos.
Can hardly wait for your announcement!!!!!!!!!
The pool party sounds like a blast, and I just so happen to live in MN. Dang, it’s Father’s Day so I have plans w/ my 3 dads (sounds like that old show, huh?) Have fun!
The pictures of Maddy on the porch are so precious. What a great way to capture those special moments that sneak by every day.
Beautiful pictures of Maddy. She looks like she is having a blast in the balls.
That word mimicing thing can really get you in trouble. My 19 mth old now copies pretty every word we say so we have to be so careful
She is just beautiful. I love Friday’s picture.
this waiting for the big news thing is really going to piss Darcie off. I like to think you do it a little bit on purpose just for her.
Glad you mostly survived the garage diving.
(((hugs)))
the friday picture should be a monday picture! love the hair maddy!! too cute!
Love to see how big Maddy is getting! And, I am impressed with your choice of shoes. So sad and so happy on this rollercoaster of life. Thinking your hometown isn’t too far away but we’ll what the Mr. would like to do on Fathers Day. Hope you enjoy yours with your lovely Maddy.
What fun times! Maddy looks like she had a blast with friends playing! Hmm, what am I doing on June 21st? It’s my birthday!
Otherwise I’d come. Oh, and I am not in the MN, so I guess that will keep me from coming as well.
Looking forward to “The Big Announcement”. I’ve been stalking checking your blog regularly for an update! I know whatever it is, I’ll be excited to continue following you and Maddy’s adventures!
Just promise that when Maddy does swear, you catch it on camera for us. thx
love the daily porch shots.
and of course you will be in mn those days … because i will be driving the.longest.car.ride.of.my.entire.life. with a 2 y/o, a 5 y/o and their cousin. i would much prefer a pool party.
would you mind stopping by to take my dog for a walk and feeding my cats while i’m gone?
My son has a Rody horse! And he always kissed it just like that!
The first time my son cursed was at age 14-ish months – I was, of course, on the phone with my father and said “shit.” Then my dad got an earful of the boy chanting, “SHIT SHIT SHIT”. Oh yay, mother of the year.
And I’m studiously avoiding looking at the site when my 2 yr old is around, lest she see those ball pits and demand I find one. Right this second. Looks like Maddie had a blast!
ok, now you are just showing off your awesome outfit-putting-together skills! lol
For whatever it’s worth, I don’t think it’s unnatural to still have that ‘longing’ or that you should expect to be done with it by now. I suspect there will be a part of you that has an ounce of it for a very long time, if not forever. Allow yourself to have it. No one knows when it’s time for you to be done except you.
Your girl is pretty darn cute! Love the pics of her outfits!
Love the pictures! Tuesday & Friday are my favorites.
Maddy is gorgeous. I would want to set her up with my 13 month old, but he is not allowed to date. Ever. You might be a little bit of a tease, Mr. I have an announcement. ;o)
My neighbor was not impressed when my then-2 year old told him his hair was “fugged up.” I promised him he said “funky,” he didn’t believe me.
Great post. I swear Maddy looks bigger in her Friday picture compared to her Monday picture. Amazing how fast they grow. : )
She has to be the best dressed girl anywhere.
Can’t wait for the big announcement!
Maddy is soooo photogenic! It helps that he’s gorgeous. Can’t wait to hear the announcement!
aw matt…
i fell asleep during that song again.
just to piss you off.
I’ve been following your blog for awhile now, but today I knew I had to comment… my son is 18mo’s old and he’s a little mimic right now. He’s recently learned the “s” word – and he knows how to use it in the right context. Which makes me want to say it even more! Dang.
And omigoondess… the daily pic’s of Maddy are adorable. Friday’s is my favorite. I love the look on her face and her mussy hair.
@KPB
we are gonna tangle next time i’m in nyc. unless, of course, you end up in los angeles first. either way, we’re gonna tangle.
Love “The Trapeze Swinger”
Maddy is beautiful as always.. it’s hard to watch your mouth around them but it will get easier with practice!
I figured I’d drop a line…been a while anyway.
Beautiful song.thank you…
It’s nice to see how much she’s grown
Love, love, love the pics! I think I may copy you and do the same with my own daughter – a daily photo session.
I’m sorry about the memory box. I can’t even begin to imagine.
That Iron & Wine track just slays me every single time.
Little girls in sweatshirts with hoods might be the cutest thing ever. She has an adorable wardrobe and you do a great job as her stylist!
Love your creative solution to avoid swearing. A friend of mine did something similar – for use around her little one, she coined words like “catbowl” (rhymes with a–h—), a term that many of use still use today.
The horsey thing is the Rody – Mimi has one and loves it.
Wow, Maddie is really suddenly looking like a little girl and not at all like a baby! Look at those long legs!
Friday is my favorite. I can’t wait to hear the big news. Have a fun and safe trip.
Can’t wait to hear the announcement!
I love those pics of her on the stairs… does she sit there willingly? Lol!
Very cute outfits for Maddie this week, you are getting much better
btw, the weird horse thing is actually a Japanese cartoon character called Rody, he is pretty popular over in Japan. very cute video.
Sooo ready for the announcement!!!
Madeline is growing so fast and is so adorable! Love looking at all of the pictures too! If you ever want to get to the east coast for something different come on over to Florida (SW Florida) and hit the beach! lol I would love to hang out but you are always too far away!
I just have to say you amaze me! Your blog is fabulous. Maddy is adorable (you already know that). Just wanted to say thanks for sharing.
Oh and BTW….I am an Iron & Wine fan thanks to you! Love it!
Those stair photos are adorable. Maddy is becoming quite the little Lady.
Love the pics of that beautiful girl! You’re doing a great job daddy.
that song is brilliant. i’ve been listening to it a lot since your tweet. i was a passive iron and wine fan (had the ‘garden state’ soundtrack) but now am a full-fledged disciple, he’s fantastic. thanks for all the groovy music stuff you post, you are literally saving me while i live in abba-ville! have fun in mn, i am flying back on the 22nd after almost two years away…i hear the mosquitoes are totally awesome this year.
i laughed and cried while reading this.
but you’re gettin’ there.
i don’t even know you and my heart constantly breaks for you.
the grieving process takes so very long.
and maddy is just as gorgeous as ever. *Hugs to you both* God bless!
I think you are doing a terrific job raising your adorable Maddy. I throughly enjoy reading your blog. You make me laugh and cry.
Love the pics of Maddy on the steps!
…and by the way, I am now also officially obsessed with that Iron & Wine song, too. It’s amazing!!!!
Matt…I pray for you daily.
Okay…my daughter(15 almost 16), loves the way you dress Maddy. She and I read your blog together and she say…”That’s dude has good taste his daughter is gonna love him!” LOL
Thanks for sharing these moments of your life with us strangers. I haven’t cried in a while, today was the exception. My heart hurts when I read what you have to go trhough, sometimes I forget when I see Maddy’s happy and sweet face, what you have overcome in the last 14 months, and I feel so proud and so good for what you have done. I love the song. I love the daily pictures of Maddy. Keep up the god work. Hugs
What’s the announcement? Are you pregnant? Your daughter is absolutely adorable!
My heart aches and smiles every time I visit this place! May I say that your fashion sense is impeccable. Maddy’s got style.
The Friday picture is PRICELESS! Have fun in MN.
Glad that you found the wedding album, sorry for the pain. Looking forward to the announcement.
Great post Matt, I think Kristy’s comment said it perfectly “You make me laugh and cry all at once…”
Seriously…I started reading and laughing then my husband walks in a I am tearing up and saying you have to read this one!!
I am happy you found those pics, Im sure it was a happy but sad thing~ But the memories can bring you to a place you need to go from time to time….
Oh and 3 more things:
1. Wow Orbit stroller and Car Seat!! Thats F’n Awesome!!
2. Love the daily photos!! Awesome idea!!
3. OMG you are still leaving us in suspense!!!
Trapeze Swinger is, quite possibly, one of the greatest songs. Even though it’s nearly 10 minutes long, I still get sad when it ends.
Great pics of the baby girl, she’s so beautiful!
You’re doing such a great job of staying strong through a horribly painful situation. But it’s still, and always will be so very important to take time out to cry. Even though it hurts like hell, it’s a great reminder that you experienced something truly great.
What a fashionable girl you have there!
your pain pierced me through the screen.
*breathless*
love the song.
i used to take am pix of my girl before heading off to daycare/work also! i still look at them and am so glad i did! btw, friday’s pic is priceless!!!
Listened to that song while I was reading and I ended up crying.
Love the daily pictures … Maddy is so freakin cute.
I think the Friday picture is the perfect example of how we all feel by the end of the week. Oh & my mom said shit in front of my 21 month old & she now says it….way to go Nana!
my evan knows the work bastard. not the coolest word for a 3 1/2 year old to say at preschool. they seem to only say what they know is naughty. i also love friday’s pic. she sure is something else. love watching her grow up. such a treat for us all to have her in our lives.
Matt, I am amazed at the sheer creativity you have in putting together her outfits. Madeline is all at once beautiful, playful and funky. Keep it up, man. You’re doing good.
when she starts to cuss, cause she will repeat it one day, ignore it. if you don’t she’ll say it 50x just to see your face make a “omg wtf” expression. or a “please stop” expression. or in my case “holy crap that’s funny” expression. my daughter’s favorite word was “shit”. shit was not as funny in the grocery store 50x. well, it is looking back on it.
you have yourself a stunner there. she’s gorgeous.
Matt, I LOVE Friday’s hair.
And I tell no lie – “Shit” was my first word!
How cool is that?
Just wanted to let you know you have recently made me an “Iron and Wine” fan! I will admit, often your choice of music is not my style, but have really enjoyed my “Iron and Wine” listening this past week. I’ve got husband on board as well. Thanks! Love the “Days of the Week” pictures!
Glad you found what you were looking for, I’m sure it was bitter sweet for you.
I love seeing pics of that sweet baby girl. Gosh she melts my heart so I can only imagine what she does for you.
And the music, I can’t even thank you enough for what you’ve introduced to me. I must have been living under a rock.
Have fun with the fam in the MN. And hope you have a great Father’s Day!
I think I have a bruise on my forehead from slamming it down on my keyboard in anticipation.
Signed,
Anxiously awaiting your big announcement…
*The Iron and Wine makes for a good listen while reading your post.
Matt,
Guess you know you have no idea how many lifes you can touch with your blog. I´m one of the “silent readers” (till now) and I really wish the best for you and Maddy.
Love your writing, makes me feel like I know you!
Best wishes!
Just wait until she tries to say “truck”!
Matt,
I heard about you after following McMamma’s blog. I have not been able to get up from the computer much in the past 3 days because you and madaline and liz have captured my heart. I have read your entire blog and find you on of the most amazing people i have never met. I admire you for your strength and couage to keep moving forward. I cannot imagine what it must have been to loose the love of your life and at the same time you were given one of the most precious things anyone could ever get. I will continue to follow your blog and keep you in my prayers. You are doing an amazing job with madaline and i can’t wait to see what a fine young lady she will become.
God Bless you always!
I love that the background song while Maddy is riding that horse thing (fucking creepy looking horse) is “Party Like a Rock Star.” Is there are bar and strip club connected to that place?
Can I guess the announcement? Does it have anything to do with Her being the new face of Oscar Mayer? and will she tour the country in the wiener mobile? lol. just a guess.
I live in the valley (woodland hills) and I have a 1 year old girl, where is that playland?? it looks fun and better then any park I’ve seen.
btw she is gorgeous and way too cute. she looks so calm, I wish my daughter was that way lol. enjoy her before she starts walking then your REALLY in for it!
From one single parent to another…
She is growing up so very fast. Very fashionable…
You are still doing awesome Matt. I wish you and Maddy safe travels and nothing but awesomesauce at the pool party!
I love it when they start to talk! Have you tried baby signing with Maddy? She’s at a great age to try it. It’s really fun.
http://www.babynamestats.com/babysigns.html
I have been reading your blog for about 9 months now and your posts are awesome. I often find myself inspired by your words, by your song suggestions, and by your photos. Mostly though, I am wowed by your honesty. Thank you so much for sharing your life.
Sending a big squeeze to Maddy.
cant wait for the announcement! maddy is getting SO big, i can hardly stand it!
I will never forget the day I lost my temper with the dog (he got into my neighbors yard for the 4th time in 3 days) and I called him a stupid ass dog and then I heard my 2 yr old saying stupid ass dog.
I think it happens to a great deal of us.
I’m glad that you found the wedding photos, but I’m sorry at how hard it is on you. Be sure to keep those photos in a safe place from now on. I try to keep my precious pics in a storage tote where I could easily grab it in case of fire, etc. Not necessarily a foolproof thing, but it’s better than having them all over the place if I need to get them out quickly.
Maddy is doing awesome! You’re doing good, Daddy!! Can’t wait to hear the big announcement! We’re gonna hold you to that “later tonight or tomorrow” thing. Don’t keep us in suspense long, please!!
It never ceases to amaze me how Maddy gets cuter and cuter. I absolutely love the way you dress her and if I ever have a little girl I will attempt the same style you have perfected! My little man said “dammit” in the correct context last week. Awesome. Looking forward to the announcement.
Friday’s picture is absolutely priceless. I like the photos you take of her but that is one of my favorites.
She is such a sweetie with the sparklingest blue eyes!
I have been reading a little while, found your blog through MckMama.
Your Maddy is lucky to have you for her Daddy.
We won’t be able to attend but I hope that you, Maddy and everyone that is able to go has a great time at her pool party. It sounds like fun.
As always, the pictures are great. I volunteered at the Special Olympics last weekend. if you’d like to see some of the pics, drop me a line!
Wish we lived closer to MN…we’ll actually be in KC this weekend! Have fun and be safe on the travels!
Can’t wait to hear the announcement!!!!!
Hello Matt, how are you?
My name is Carolina, I am from Brazil and I saw you and your lovely daughter on the “Oprah Winfrey Show”. First of all, please, apologize for the mistakes of orthography, I don´t speak English very well.
In Brazil, the TV program was shown about an hour behind. I was moved by your history and therefore I decided to know your blog.
Your report was exciting. You are a man of great strength. congratulations for the love, fondness and care with which you is careful of your little daughter. I wait that you and she still have many marvellous momenos in the life. She is a lovely child, congratulations because of taking care of her so well.
An embrace of the brasil for you and Madeleine!
Thoughtfully,
Carolina
Hello Matt, how are you?
My name is Carolina, I am from Brazil and I saw you and your lovely daughter on the “Oprah Winfrey Show”. First of all, please, apologize for the mistakes of orthography, I don´t speak English very well.
In Brazil, the TV program was shown about an hour behind. I was moved by your history and therefore I decided to know your blog.
Your report was exciting. You are a man of great strength. Congratulations for the love, fondness and care with which you is careful of your little daughter. I wait that you and she still have many marvellous moments in the life. She is a lovely child, congratulations because of taking care of her so well.
An embrace of the brasil for you and Madeleine!
Thoughtfully,
Carolina
“The photos of some of the happiest moments of my life.” I know you wrote those words about pictures with Liz in them, but they seem just as applicable to the breath-taking pictures you take of Maddy. That video of her on the horse is priceless …. she looks sooooooo happy. She IS so happy. And it’s all because of her dad. You’re fucking awesome, Matt.
Shit was my first word too…no lie…ask my parents!
Bring on the announcement!!!!!!
Your moving, what, what the hell is the announcement. I can’t stand waiting. I am so sorry the tears came rolling with finding Liz’s things. It is obvious you still miss the crap out of her. I look at Maddie and just think of Liz at the bottom of the stairs on the porch talking to her. I see her saying goodbye to you as you leave for work. I have said it a hundred times before, you just want to share you precious child with your spouse. You want to have those memories together….NOT ALONE. Your so dam organized. I don’t know of one mother who has a 1 year old who can take photos before they go to work. U rock….don’t keep us waiting or I am boycotting your blog.
Two weeks to be obsessed with The Trapeze Swinger is nothing, I’ve been stuck on it daily since my husband passed away in July’08. Stumbled upon it while listening through his Iron & Wine collection- his favorite band when he passed away. I’ve finally gotten to the point that I’m not sobbing in rush hour traffic anymore though -thankfully for that. Usually the recorders at the end would get to me- reminded me of our road trips with everyones kids and too many instruments in tow with us…
I purchased a Rody horse for my daughter at Christmas from this place. http://www.rodytoy.com/ She LOVES it!
Maddy is perfect and you can see how much you adore her!
@matt
psh.
you’re a cooked goose, logelin.
Someday I hope to be back in MN at the same time you are. It would melt my heart to hug that little girl stealing more hearts every day. Enjoy your family time.
btw…I’ve got one tip on the swearing. Never look at them to see if they heard you swear, just start repeating one word that rhymes with it over and over, like you’re singing a silly kids song. Although, I for one, have never needed to try it…HA! ya right.
Beautiful post! It made me smile on a MUCH needed night. She’s gorgeous. As you know.
It made me remember my son, a few weeks ago.. Had been listening to dads “favorite song” a bit too much & woke up, bleary eyed & told us.. “I fu*king HATE that CAT! He SCARED me!!!” …What?? He blinked and said “I SAID.. I fu*king HATE THAT CAT!! He SCARED me!!!’
..Oops…
ah, babies swearing…the best! you’ll fall over laughing when she does it! i’ll never forget when R closed her eyes & whispered “shitfuck” one morning. and B runs around swearing like a sailor now. yep, i’m proud!! you will be too. it’s hilarious!!
i’m sure i’ll be seeing you this weekend.
great song. great pics. beautiful girl.
you’re such a tease with this big announcement.
gah.
i love the week of a.m. photos.
perfection.
as is she.
We have Rody (the donkey thing) at home. My Madelyn and my son love the damn thing and are constantly bouncing off of it and hitting their heads on something. I’m thinking they are killing enough brain cells that we are going to save money on college. Best if you can avoid bringing one into your house. Love the pics!
I found your blog via “My Charming Kids” aka McMamma. I also saw you on Oprah. Your little girl is so adorable. I am very sorry for your loss.
This is the first post I’ve read and I cried. And then I am wowed by your littles style. And the other posters make me laugh….and realize how great all your peeps are!
Minnesota welcomes you!
Big surprise?! You’re such a tease. I can’t wait to hear!
The video of Maddy on the horse is quite possibly one of the cutest things ever! I love the morning pictures.
@Chris – I’m soo over Matt’s surprises…He can’t get me anymore…He pounded the patience is a virtue thing into my head too much way back when – now, I just roll with it – like he does!
BWAHAHAHAAHAHAAAA
Dude, when she the lady turn 16? I cannot wait to hear the news… I bet Noah Wiley signed on to do the movie. No movie? The book. No book? Best be a comic strip about the robot then, or I’m gonna be robot-pissed (about said robot).
ps – the kid’s got your style. that’s some fecking cute chit.
pps – you can still cry/feel/hurt/hardly get thru the day… there’s no time limit on love.
That song was such a perfect soundtrack for this post. I held my breath while you went thru those boxes.
Steph
LOVE The Trapeze Singer!
Maddy is a beautiful girl in every picture.
You really do take some amazing photos, love them! They are so different and fresh. I’m not sure exactly what it is but I am so drawn to you and your story. I am cheering you on every step of the way, of course maybe you don’t even need that because you are doing amazing! Thanks for being so real, it is refreshing.
Hey Matt, We won’t be in the MN for Maddy’s pool party… any chance you’ll be making it to the MckPicnic in July?
Your daughter is one of the best dressed little girls I’ve ever seen. And there’s no need to comment on her absolute angelic sweetness, obviously, as that is a given.
Bittersweet. Laughing and crying. Thank you for continuing to share your days with us. It’s such a pleasure.
Maddy continues to get more and more darling each day–if that is even possible!? Just precious. My girls both were catching on to the swear words at about 1-1/2, so it’s good that you’re trying to be more careful. Despite your best efforts though, it’ll happen.
Safe travels to the MN. Wish we could make the party–sounds like fun. Can’t wait to see photos AND hear the big announcement tomorrow (or tonight?!).
dude, you are some kind of jackass for making us all wait, and wait, and wait some more!! can’t imagine the number of hits right now with people (like me!) checking back to see if the announcement is posted!
on a serious note, sorry about what you went through in the garage. keep that stuff (especially the pashmina) in a safe place for maddy. don’t know about your garage but mine is full of nasty spiders and other assorted bugs (oh, and an expired mouse family – uggh!)
It’s later today!!! COME ON
As I was watching one of my kiddos this morning playing, naked in our blow up pool, I thought that the innocence of kids in the summer time is amazing – the photos of Madeline remined me of the same thing. Innocence of life. Would love to see you guys while in town. Not sure if the 21st will work (the crazy in laws took dibs a while ago – blah and with the hubby having been out of town for the past 4 weeks I am not sure how much more he will put up with after that gathering.) Love to you guys!
Why must you tease us???? The announcement???? This is gonna drive me nuts! And I SO wish I was near the MN to come to the pool party. Freaking sucks. lol
Great pics and an even greater girl!
the work truck sounds much like “fuck” in my household these days when the 2yr old says it. then the 4yr tells me that fuck is a back word and you shouldn’t say fuck or fuckin or poopybuttstinkyface, though she sees how many times she can say those words in a run-on sentence without getting in trouble. welcome to the time of talking toddlers, it’s a blast!
safe travels to the two of ya!
yes, be careful with the swearing now lol… my 20 month old son’s favorite word just happens to be “fuck”… oops!
that song.
oh.
i have been obsessed with that song for almost two solid years.
the only other song that does that to me is ben harper’s version of ‘drugs don’t work’.
you just spoke to the part of me that only music touches. and that part is high-fiving you right now.
Great song! Thanks for sharing. Maddy is so gorgeous!
dude, you keep me hangin’!!!
ps – maddy is freakin’ cute
post maddys song! haha. we are so glad to have met you guys and cant wait to see you more.
hi matt, happy fathers’ day way ahead of time. your pictures are awesome, as always. the friday one totally rocks. that’s the look i have seven days a week, glad to see somebody else shares my morning confusion. cant wait to hear the details on your book/movie deal. if it is a movie it gotta be ryan gosling and some darn cute baby. i missed your nyc gig i hope you guys come back soon.
Hi, my name is Val … I live in Aptos, CA and I read about your story at the gym this afternoon … i have to contain myself to don’t break into tears.
Maddy is beautiful and I was just checking the last pictures and i love her hair on Friday.
I’m from Argentina … I grown up with another 3 monsters (brothers) and my mom. She always told us that she wasn’t born with a book under her arm saying “how to be a parent” … she did her best … as i feel you do too.
I felt so sorry about your greatest happiness and your deeply sadness for losing Liz … but I know, deep inside me, that you’re doing your best. Keep doing that … your smile’s daughter is the best medicine for your broken heart.
God bless you, today and always. Val
PS: I would like to talk with you if is possible. Let me know.
TGIF! She has the perfect “friday” look! As a widowed mother of 2 young children, I am envious of all your accomplishments in the last year and am encouraged by you to break out of my shell! Thanks for sharing your lives with me!
OMG…can Maddie get any cuter!! I LOVE those morning shots on the steps….they are priceless and will be great to look back on!! It’s amazing how fast they grow! And, it’s amazing how fast they pick up and mimic everything you say…I constantly have to watch my words around my two, as my 3 1/2 year old spilled his goldfish crackers in the car as we turned a corner and yelled out “Oh Fuck!!”…opps..bad mother award here!! My 18 month old is now starting to copy words, so much more sensoring is needed!!
I love that Iron and Wine song….my husband is a big fan, and I am just getting into them
What a perfect song to go along with your post!! I am sorry you had a rough morning going through the boxes, but I am glad you found what you were looking for!! That album of memories will be cherished by your best girl someday!! I am ANXIOUSLY awaiting to hear your good news from NYC…..BTW, gotta love yogurt splatter all over, eh!! It has happened to me many times….not fun, but could be worse!!
From your photos, you share that you went through a lot of important ‘stuff’…like emptying boxes, finding memories, smiles and tears and are doing a great job of moving on. Hard to get the courage to begin and then it’s over. I am so proud of you. I am also glad I started creeping from the beginning because it now takes DAYS for new readers to catch up! Wow! You pack a lot of loving and living into every day & what a great example. Believe in today…all you have is now. Love the daily pictures and peeks into your and Maddy’s world. Oh, and, by the way – don’t bother to SPELL the words either! I know from experience. Smiles.
Matt, I will have you know that, instead of hitting the snooze button a few times this morning, I dragged myself out of bed at 6 a.m. and to my computer, sure that this long-promised announcement would AT LAST be up and that it would be so exciting that it would make up for the lost sleep.
I am now just a little more tired than I should be, cheated out of 15 precious minutes of shut-eye. That’s all on you, Matt. That’s all on you.
i’ve been obsessed with this song for the past two weeks.
Looking forward to the announcement!!!
Been thinking a ton about you two lately… and I know if you’ve heard it once you’ve heard it 10 million times… but I’m proud of you and I’m thankful that we/I get to watch Madeline grow.
Thank you.
you should always give us recommended music to listen to as we read. love it. and that friday photo is complete awesomeness. liz would be so proud of your clothing choices for maddy.
Love love love those porch pictures. She’s such a doll. And you’re right. “Shit” isn’t as cute coming from a toddler. Ha.
Would love to hang with you on the 21st and we live close… I’ll have to see what our plans are… If daddy goes golfing the kids and I might pop in to meet Maddie…(and maybe u too…)
We live here in MN and could probably make it on the 21st. Hopefully the weather holds out here.
Can’t wait to hear the good news.
Beautiful song, beautiful girl!
Have a great trip to MN. One of these times I would love to work it out so I could meet both of you. Have a GREAT Father’s Day!!
It breaks my heart to know how much you miss Liz. I wish it could be different for you… I hope you know how much you honor Liz’s memory by documenting your life with Maddy. Maddy will always know the pure love her parents shared….though difficult, to be sure. Keep on swimming, friend.
Funny note: When my 13 yr old was 2 or 3 yrs she was playing with her doll house people….and I hear her say..”dam-it, dam-it, dam-it” …OOPS!
Looking forward to hearing your exciting announcement. I hope it brings you much success and happiness.
The swearing part of this post is so fitting in my life right now. I have an almost 17mos old son who can only say momma, dadda and uhoh. I picked him up yesterday from the babysitter and was informed that he said “oh shit” 4 times clear as a bell. I was totally wondering where he picked that up from and everyone in my family quickly pointed to me. I blame my road rage with Chicago driving. Who knows, but wouldn’t it figure that the first words spoken clear as a bell besides the basics would be swears. Ugghhh!!!! Now I have the potty mouthed kid.
I haven’t been in blog land in forever, then I come on here, and … WOW! Look how big she is! She is going to have your height, and her mommies looks!
Glad she is trying to mimic your words. I have a habit of stubbing my toes ALL THE TIME, and I usually yell out “Shit!” or “Fuck” … and well, of course my 2 year old would have to say “Shit” to my mom. That was fun.
So many thoughts swimming through my head after this post.
1. How depressing that Maddy’s wardrobe is a thousand times better than my own. Is there anything cuter than a baby girl in blue jeans? I say no.
2. Holy crap!! She’s still in jeans and a sweatshirt in JUNE? The high today here in the ATX is a blistering 103 degrees. But please don’t let that sway you from coming for a visit some day. It really is a lovely city!
3. My ovaries ache.
4. Happy that you found your pictures-Maddy will always treasure those. Heartbroken that the pain will never leave you.
5. Looked up the lyrics to that song. Not a good idea at work. So completely, utterly, heartbreakingly perfect. I’m so sorry that you can relate to that song, Matt.
Have a fun, safe, trip to the mn. Wish I could come to the pool party to meet yourself and Maddy, but will unfortunately be stuck here in the Texas heat. Much love to you and your best girl!
Forgot two of the most important things!
1. I’m dying to hear this announcement. Whatever it is, I hope it’s something truly magnificent for you and Maddy. You deserve every happiness.
2. Happy (early) Father’s Day to one of the best dads on the planet!
I love fridays picture. Made me laugh out loud. She is getting so big! Congrats on teh book deal! I know I will look forward to reading it
I have to say, hearing children utter those kind of words makes me giggle. I certainly wouldn’t encourage it, but it does bring a smile. I’ll never forget when my son was 2 years old and we were all riding in the car. My husband and him we going back and forth silly name calling when my son said “Daddy you’re a fuckhead”. Needless to say, he won the battle. I don’t think he ever said it again, so all is good and we enjoyed a great laugh out of it.
make your photos digital so you don’t ever lose them. glad you have the wonderful memories of the best time of y’all’s lives. gladder that you have Maddie.
Not only words but phrases. We were visiting with our son, his wife and their 3 year old son just after our son returned from Iraq. While watching something strange on TV my husband said “What the hell is that?” Well, the next morning while the three of them were in bed, our son moved his foot under the covers and the 3 year old said “What the hell is that?” My husband got a “talking to” from his son!
I can’t wait for your book. You have done such a great job of doing something positive as a result of a tremendous tragedy. Liz would be so proud.
This post broke my heart and made me smile. You have such a beautiful daughter. It’s astonishing how much she looks like her mom.
And I have to say, for being a single dad, you dress your daughter so well! She’s always so stylish!!! I can’t wait for her to have enough hair to put in a ponytail. That’s the true dad test!
Maddy has the cutest clothes. I love the daily pics. I should try that with my Littlest.
And the weird horse thing? Totally rocks. I want one. I mean, I want one for my kid. My kid.
You know? I start to read, and I am incredibly sad…sad for your loss, and Maddy’s loss, and damnit why? …and then I read further and see that you and Maddy are becoming this incredible team, that a birthday party is ensuing, drinks will be had, and cake. Lots of cake.
I have my wedding album, albeit we divorced, but that thing’s incredibly painful. Still, it beckons me from under the bed in the spare room. It reminds me that I was happy then. And, I will be happy in that way again. I still have a 4 in my email, when there are 3 of us.
Shit happens, and sometimes, it takes a very very long time to recover.
Your darling girl will love those photos later, and you will see them again, in yet another new way.
Peace to you, and happy traveling!
Ms. V
Love the Friday pic
That song is amazing – and you and Maddy are amazing. I agree with another comment – I can barely get my kids out the door – you are organized to get pics in too! They rock though! She is the best dressed 1 year old. Anyway – just wanted to wish you a Happy Fathers Day.
Reading your blog is therapeutical. I can’t wait to read your book when it’s published. I think of you and Maddy a lot. I feel selfish sometimes because I get so much out of your posts and don’t give anything in return. So, I had to at least thank you. THANK YOU!
p.s. i love “the trapeze swinger” too!
I am an avid follower of your blog after reading your story in the local paper awhile back. I am a Minnesotan so it was either the Pioneer Press or the Star Tribune, I can’t recall which one. Regardless, I think you are an amazing Dad. Liz would be so very proud of you and I’m certain she’s watching over you and your baby daughter every day. I can’t get over how much Maddy looks like Liz, she’s beautiful. Keep up the good work. I enjoy your blog! You’re a great person! And I hope you have a Happy Father’s Day!
I love that song by Iron & Wine..so beautiful.
Just gotta say I love Maddy’s Sunday jeans! Too cute = )
The other day in the car I dropped my cell phone on the floor and I said shit, and then my two year old said “shit,shit,shit….” all the way to Target. Thank god by the time we got there she had stopped. Hey, it happens!
love, love all the beautiful pictures of Maddy! Miss Fashionista! Liz would be so proud of you and Maddy! Thanks for sharing!
Oh I love all those pics of Maddy!!
I sort of love that weird horse thing too…
I love the daily morning pics…tell’s such a cool story…with no words at all!
LOVE, love, love Friday!
Love reading your blog (even though I kind of feel like a voyeaur). I never cried and laughed so much about someone I don’t even know. BTW, I tried the word mimic thing with my daughter when she was a baby. She sounded more like she was saying a curse word than I did. It was like she know I didn’t really want her to repeat these words and she would say them louder and with more force than any of her other words.
I have a new band to check out.
My mom tells the story that the first words I strung together were… God damnit…. My Dad was really in trouble.
Maddy is now your little tape recorder, she will repeat everything. I’ll email you about the party!
Pool parties are the best, wish i was in the area. I, along with other bloggers, love Friday’s picture. Wild hair and all makes it so cute!!!
If/when Maddy says a swear try not to laugh as hard as it may be because of h it being somewhat cute, makes her think its funny and she’ll keep doing it, i learned the hard way with a little cousin
i love the iron and wine song! thanks for sharing that. also the day of the week pics are great
Maddy is the total style-maven. My daughter and I need to take Dressing like Maddy 101. My 4-year old finally said fuck the other day. I burned myself taking something out of the oven and said “Fuck!” and then my little man in his lovely sing-songy voice comes out with “fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck”. But like a nursery rhyme, not harsh, totally sweet. Oh well, it was inevitable.
Have fun in the MN this weekend! I’d come to the pool party, but I’ll be hanging on the St. Croix in River Falls, WI. Wish I could come, but have fun!
P.S. — LOVE the pre-daycare pictures. Adorable. Especially Friday.
I’ve been reading for a while but never commented before. Maddy is beautiful, and you take really amazing pictures! Oh, and you dress her awesomely!
I felt compelled to comment mainly to say THANK YOU for putting the link to that Iron & Wine song. I’ve been listening to it over and over again since clicking your link. What a gorgeous song.
how many pairs of jeans does that child have?
Never commented, but been reading ever since you were on Oprah. Just wanted to say you sound like an amazing father, not perfect cause no parent is, but pretty damn good. I got out of a bad relationship not too long ago & have my little boy full-time now, & when i read your blog I see that there are good men out there & what a good father is really like. Thank you for taking time to share your life & in a way help me with mine.
I wouldn’t worry too much about Maddy repeating swear words. Sometimes it doesn’t matter whether they hear them because first attempts at speech usually come out jumbled.
Case in point, a little boy that I’ve baby-sat since he was 6 weeks old was learning how to put words together. The one that made us laugh the most was when he’d say, “Sock off”. This usually came out as “Fuck off”. I’m sure Maddy will provide plenty of laughs with her first attempts as well.
I’ll never forget the first time my daughter said “oh shit” She was about 18 months old and spilled some toys she was carrying. Part of it was funny and part a little scary that she knew when you say it! Realized then I needed to clean up my mouth!
She’s beautiful and you made me laugh as always. As for the descriptive words…my son knew how and when to say a few by the time he as about 3. enjoy.
Sitting in my office one minute cracking up and the next tears stinging my eyes!
One question, where do you get Maddy’s clothes? Awesome! She’s so stylish!
Congrats on the book deal!
Maddy has the most beautiful blue eyes!
Your post reminded me of an incident with my daughter and made me laugh out loud. We were driving when another car came into our lane. I yelled “Jesus”. About a minute later my precious daughter said, “Mommy, Jesus almost hit us.” She is 8 now and acts like she is 15. The years fly by, every precious moment is a treasure, even if it is being covered in yogart spit.
Nice song from Iron & Wine. I had it playing in the background as I read your blog and some comments.
I can’t wait to read about the day Maddy repeats some of your “alternative” words, good ones.
Cool idea about the pics before work/day care.
Admire your love for your sweet girl. BEST to you and Madeline!
Happy Father’s Day!
Wednesdays’ picture is gorgeous. Those bright colors bring out those beautiful blue eyes even more.
Thank you for sharing your life.. she’s a beautiful girl.. and I am sure very lucky to have a father like you.
Keep on keepin on…
I was soo excited to hear about the book deal and can’t waitt to buy a copy when it comes out. The pictures of Maddy was all so cute and gorgeous!
We would love to attend the party, but we will be at the Saint’s game in St. Paul that afternoon. I hope you have fun and look forward to reading about it later. Have a happy Father’s Day and enjoy your trip to Minnesota once again. Look forward to the next announcement also.
you’re the best dad..at least “shit” is all you said, my sister has said worse in front of her kids,i loved friday’s picture
Awesome job as always. Just wanted to clarify on the weird horse thing. Its called Rody. We got one as a gift for christmas and that thing is fricken awesome. Its supposed to be a great educational toy or something.
This is a beautiful post in tribute to your Liz. Great song too. I’m crying and just gave my husband a big hug. Maddy’s pictures are fabulous. Love the outfits, of course.
Met you on Oprah today. What a great dad you are! I wrote a raw book after my daughter died and found it cathartic. Just published it, and learned it’s helping lots of others too. We never know the lives we touch…
Wow, I can completely relate to your reaction when finding your wife’s things. The same thing happens to me when I have to go through my husband’s stuff sometimes. Mostly the words ‘shit’ and ‘f**k’ as you mentioned with a few ‘son of a …’ sprinkled in and of course a good cry. We were together just under 19 years so there is a lot of crap still to go through. Thanks for your post – it made me laugh and cry.
Sorry for my english, because originally Im from Latvia (one of Baltic countries) and english is my third language.
I readyour family story and was crying, because why always is like this – that bad things happen with a good people? Maybe because they are so strong, to survive, to be even better…. Anyway, Im really proud that some small girl, who is very beautiful, have so attractive and lovely father … She is double happy! And this father will give love also for mama…
I understand your case very good, because my son was born only 2lb and 14 inches via c-section, when I was intubated in reanimation.
Good luck! And believe me – good things happen and there is some angel, who is watching and protecting you both.
Maddy is adorable, as always.
That song has a haunting melody…I understand why you’ve been obsessed by it.
Have fun in the MN.
Reminds me of a friend of mine. She was walking her child to daycare when he pointed to some icicles and asked his mom “what the fuck is that?” He was 2. She was ready to kill her husband.
Hi, I am brand new to your blog and have only begun reading about your journey. From what I’ve read so far, your precious daughter is such a lucky, sweet little girl to have you for a Daddy.
You’re a very talented writer and I’m looking forward to peeking in on your lives often.
There’s no doubt in my mind that your wife is with you and Maddy each and every second of your life and is a part of everything you do.
I know I’m late to this game, but your shit story made me recall my first f-bomb with my 3 year old. Of course it was driving related – someone blocked the turn lane and we were late to preschool. I said something like, “Great. That guy’s gonna fuck us.” My son said, “Why’s he gonna fuck us Mommy?” The barrage of verbal diarrhea that spewed from my mouth was unlike anything I’d ever created before. I unconsciously made the decision to wipe his memory clean with a series of random comments about the police car nearby (service vehicles are always big attention grabbers). And within moments he was asking me about the cop car lights – success! It’s been 1.5 years and I haven’t heard a f-bomb out of him since.
love the pics!!! im 28 and have 3 step kids, with 4.5 being the youngest. with 2 older brothers he has a good vocab of swear words, but i have to say, he knows they are naughty words and apart from trying to shock me once in a while, never utters them outside the house!
you are one of the best dads i’ve ever met! dont stress about ‘shit’
I had a bit of a sailor’s mouth when I first had my son- and one thing I did when a word would slip is say a silly word directly after the bad word- Shit was a fave of mine and when I would exclaim I would say something crazy like “cheeseburger” or “princess” that way he would hear that word and not concentrate on the one that slipped- although it helped it still didn’t stop him from yelling “put the phone down asshole” in the grocery store to a woman talking on her cell phone (thanks to daddy)
While watching soccer, I called one of the opposing team’s players a butthole. Then I looked at my 16-month-old son and told him not to say that. Not so bad all things considered (we’ll have to dial down teh shits and fucks for sure), but I really don’t want him calling kindly strangers and grandparents “buttholes.” Little mirrors, they are.