i’ve been here,
in this place.
but when?
was it twenty five years ago?
maybe eight?
yesterday?
no.
it was
thirteen years ago.
and it was
almost four years ago.
i was here.
she was here
we.
we were here.
but it was different.
thirteen years ago
it was an
awkward meal with
people who didn’t
know me.
but she made
it comfortable,
even fun.
…
some of them
were here.
i was here.
she was here.
we.
we were here.
and that day four
years ago,
we stood up
there.
it was that day,
that day i
put the one
now on my
left hand
on hers.
and the one
now on my right
was on my left.
it was to
be like that forever.
that was the plan.
i can smell
the flowers.
i can feel the excitement
of that moment.
i can see the dress.
and the woman
inside of it.
but four years
later, i am here
some of them
are here,
but she,
she
is not here.
…
318 Comments
Matt, hang in there… i know its hard but you gotta know god made this happen to you because he knew you could handle it best.
Jeremiah 29:11
That gave me chills.
I don’t have any words… I wish I did, and I wish that she was there.
I’m so sorry she’s not there with you, Matt. I’m glad you’re surrounded by family and friends and sweet baby Maddy on this day.
she is there…close your eyes…she is there…heart goes out to you.
Matt, a post has not made me cry since I first read your story. I am crying now. I don’t take our family of 4 for granted for a second. Because of you. Thanks to you. Happy Father’s Day.
i wish she were
I have never commented here before but this was a really great post. This should definitely be in your book – everyone will be teary-eyed like me.
I can’t even to begin to understand how you feel or how you get through every day, I have only been following your blog for a couple of months, but you have moved me beyond words. You have such a precious baby girl & I’m sure that “she” is looking down, SO proud of you.
i understand what your photo meant earlier now. it most likely doesnt mean much coming from a stranger when you are trying to express your sorrow but you have a really nice writing style.
Beautiful…I’m sorry…
Powerful.sad. true,tears, happy, forever.life. words. Matt. Hugs .More hugs. and more when you are tired of them.
Pam
oh matt~~i KNOW how hard it is dealing with the death of a spouse, i have had lots of practice, since it’s been 30 months since dead husband #2 died and my first husband died in 91 when i was 33~~i have no idea how it is with a child~i am not sure, but I would think that would make it easier~those little ones (i have great nieces and nephews that keep me alive)~~i’ve posted before and we have emailed, but i have had to go to an anon blog, due to bad relatives and i do miss being me on the net, i missed blogging so much i decided i was going to try another anonymous blog and hope i can stay that way!
i always think of you and maddy and always look forward to your new post~~and i loved seeing ya on oprah!
wish i was closer to that coast so i could attend the conference, but it is just too far for me right now
later dude (and glad i can be “online”)
I cry inside for you. I cannot imagine the pain that you bare missing her everyday. You are a great father and I know she is looking down in awe of you!
I am so sorry…..
But YOU Matt YOU are strong! Happy Father’s day tomorrow! Hold Maddy extra tight and give her extra love. She loves you!
That is so beautiful and heartbreaking. Just watched the replay of Oprah tonight…you are awesome. I cried through the whole thing, I’m thankful that you and Maddy have one another,
She’s there just not in a physical form. She watches over you and Maddy everyday! God Bless!!
((((Hugs))))
I wish she was there with you.
just so sad for you….for this….it must be so raw…the rings…the memory….the loss.
i’m so sorry that the plan the two of you had couldn’t be played out to the end you had envisioned.
Aww, Matt. I’m so sorry. Hugs to you.
So sorry she is not here.
I’m so sorry Matt. I’ve been a reader for a while but never commented. I’ve never know what to say to you. I wish I could say something to make it not hurt, but I know that isn’t possible. I don’t quite know what to say to you other than I am so sorry. It just isn’t fair and it fucking pisses me off.
I hope that you have a wonderful father’s day tomorrow, you deserve it.
I have seen pictures from your wedding day and they are just beautiful! I hope you have a great Father’s Day with that little cutie patootie of yours! You’re doing a great job! Happy Father’s Day Matt!
I’m sorry you’re having a hard day Matt. I’m sorry that this happened and that you are hurting. I wish it was all different for you. Hang in there.
I’m so sorry.
If I had one wish, just one…I would wish she were here with you…but I don’t and that fucking sucks!
This post brought tears to my eyes. I sometimes can’t believe that I don’t really know you, or Maddy, or never knew Liz. You do such an incredible and beautiful job of bringing your world and your pain and experiences to life for all your readers. Sending lots of positive energy and happy thoughts to you tomorrow on Father’s Day. Maddy is one lucky little girl.
i have no words… you have such a way with words that never fails to bring a tear to my eye… hang in there…
No words can even express how I felt about this post. Thinking of you today. Happy Father’s Day Matt.
I am so sorry.
Ah man!! I can’t imagine darlin’!!
Love goes out to you.
Sorry for your pain, feels fresh reading those words you wrote. Hang in there.
She was there and still is, your heart carries her.
I’m so sorry. My heart aches for you. I hope tomorrow is a better day. Happy Fathers Day!
Matt,
There. Are. No. Words.
I am in that valley.
I hate it here.
It’s dark and very, very lonely.
I miss him.
I may not know exactly how you feel, but I’m walking beside you.
Janine
There are no words. Breathe it in & chin up. Kiss Maddy. Breathe again & choose (again) to live.
Liz
would want it that way. chin chin.
xx A in the WI
I’m so sorry Matt–I wish she were there with you and Maddy.
I hope you have a nice Father’s Day!!
That was beautifully heartbreaking!! Amazing writing!
It’s hard to make me speechless but I’ve been staring at my keyboard for a while now and all I can come up with is “This sucks.” I’m sorry you only had a few years but I’m also so happy for you that you had those years.
people come on earth for a season and for a reason.
Liz came into your life to give you Maddy. Be thankful you have Maddy in your life…so many people who have lost their loved one dont have that. You have to look at life at what you have and not what you have lost. Maddy is part of Liz and you will always have that.
Having just returned home for a friend’s wedding this evening, that post was heartbreaking. Blessings to you and Maddy.
She is here. She is with every laugh you get with your baby. She is here.
Matt, I can’t imagine it. My mom died five years ago, I was nine. I remeber my dad staring out the window and now all I can imagine is what you just explained. I know it feels like you’re alone, but you’ve got us and you’ve got Maddy.
Beautifully poignant expression of your love for Liz and the gaping hole her absence has created in your life. Wishing you were still “we,” but thankful that you’ve got such a precious reason to keep living as “you.”
Thinking about you tonight and hoping you have a great Fathers Day! I know your adorable little girl will put a smile on your face!
She is with you Matt… right in your heart, in your mind. She will never leave you. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it is to go through it all. I’m so glad you have Maddy, your family and your friends to help you. You are never alone. Just know she is right there with you, going through it all, in your heart, and she will always love you.
My heart is breaking for you.
I’m so sorry Matt, what you are going thru really, really sucks. Reading your post I remembered this quote…
“My Dreams, watching me said, one to the other…this life has let us down”
I’m so sorry life hasn’t turned out the way it should have.
heart piercing. dagger through my heart. few people can but such emotion into words like you do.
Beautiful post but such a sad story. It must be so hard to come home and feel so close to Liz, but yet so far. You’re strengh is amazing. I want to tell you that Liz would be SO proud of the way you are parenting Maddy. Maddy is such a happy little girl, so well adjusted and so flexible about everything….and she looks EXACTLY like Liz. Happy Father’s Day, Matt. You should also feel very proud because you have really poured your love & energy into Maddy and you’ve done just an amazing job with her!!!!!!
There are no words but she is always with you and is ever present in madelines beautiful face and the sparkle when she smiles and the twinkle in her eye as she discovers something new. she is so lucky to have you. Happy fathers day to a great dad!
Matt,
Wish the ending were different for you. It must be very difficult to be there and maybe beautiful at the same time. Do you feel her there with you? I can picture her loving eyes as you write and I read. I wish you had more than memories. ((((HUGS))))
Being “there” must be like a full body blow. All the emotions, joy and hope and anger and disappointment just fighting inside you. Thank you for letting us in, hopefully by sharing you can sort through some of the shit you must be feeling…see through the bad, remember the years you had. Try to move past that you were cheated and see all the good you have done for people…all in sharing a few important stories.
Ouch, I can’t even imagine. It’s been a while since I’ve cried while reading, but this one got me. I wish she was there with you.
I wish that you had her with you as well. I wish that the general public did not know you, if you know what I mean.
I wish
I miss her too…everyday.
you are the best dad.
happy father’s day.
i am thinking of you.
No wonder you’re writing a book…you are unbelievably gifted, but I know who your muse is.
I heard a song on the radio today, and it made me think of you and Liz and Maddy. It’s called “Holes in the Floor of Heaven” by Steve Wariner. Listen to it. It’s probably not your favorite style, but the lyrics are touching and ironically familiar….
((hugs))
I have no words ~ but I am sending all of my love and support. Happy Father’s Day, and congratulations on daily picking up what pieces you can and making an amazing life for you and Maddie!
She is there. Just not the it used to be. Your such an inspiration.
Please don’t ever think she’s not with you. You may not be able to hold her hand, but she’s holding your heart. Hang in there, my friend.
Matt, I am so very sorry that your forever was not as long as you and Liz had wanted/imagined/planned that it would be.
I know that these words don’t change the empty spaces. Liz is still there forever for you and for Maddy and you for her. The gifts of yourself that you continue to give Maddy, your family, friends, and stranger-friends near and far will last forever too. Not the same though. I will be thinking of you on Fathers Day, wishing you a good day. You are due for many, many good days.
my heart breaks a little bit every time I stop by here. your daughter is so lucky to have a dad as strong as you are. and she’s still here–just not the way she used to be.
I’m so sorry Matt.
it’s so not fair Matt =( so many couples out there stand up there and take those same vows and exchange those same rings. Years go by and time passes and some how they forgot the love they felt for that person they promised forever too. It’s sooo terribly unfair that you still have so much love for Liz and she was taken away from you =( I think about the three of you everyday and it breaks my heart. I wish my son’s father loved me half as much as you obviously love Liz.
Awww, Matt. The pain is palpable in your words. I wish it could be less for you. I appreciate you sharing your heart with us, I hope it helps you as much as it helps us. You and Liz and Maddy deserve to have had your dreams and plans be the way you had wanted. I’m so proud of you for making the best of a crap situation. This is just repeated, but it should be said a million times: You’re a FANTASTIC father! I wish you a special special Father’s day this year. You’re fortunate to have Maddy and she’s even more lucky to have you—now THAT was a good plan come true!
My heart goes out to you. Continue to feel and work through things like you do. It’s powerful beyond belief.
Again, Happy Father’s Day!!! Hugs to Maddy ~~Jamie
I dread this come October.
I’m sorry she is not here. I know those words don’t help though. As someone going through it, I still don’t have the right words. There are none.
Happy Father’s Day.
Wow Matt. You have a way with words. It’s been a while since I’ve teared up reading your words, but tonight……I hope Maddy gives you a big slobbery kiss to make you feel a bit better…..two in fact.
I just started reading your blog. Hope you have a happy father’s day.
She is in your heart and memories tho, and she will be there forever. You are doing great Matt, your hanging in there and you are doing a great job raising your and Liz’s beautiful baby girl. :::hugs::: I wished I lived nearby to help you out with like cleaning and stuff.. It must be hard working all the time and doing things yourself.. bless your heart!
it sucks, and i’m so sorry. no happy words. thinking of you.
Yeah, I believe in God, but I don’t believe God makes bad things happen to people. Shit just happens, regardless of race, gender, religion, etc. Hang in there, dude. I’m just so glad you have the most beautiful baby in all of Calif to wake up to ever day.
And, Happy Father’s Day. You’re kicking ass, one day at a time.
I’m so sorry.
hey matt!!
sorry for your sadness reading that made me cry. i know this may come off as cheesy but i’m going to say it. though liz is not here physically she lives on in your heart and most importantly maddie. you need a BIG HUG!! you are doing a great job with maddie !!! happy father’s day to a great dad!!!
blessings to you and your sweet Maddy.
You made me cry. Again. I can only hope my husband loves me as much (or even half as much) as you obviously loved (love?) Liz. I hope Maddy will one day realize how much you loved her mother, although how could she not? It seeps out of every post you write and every photo of your daughter I see. You are inspiring. Hope your Father’s Day doesn’t suck
you dont deserve this. if i was able to wish someone back to earth. id wish her. i dont know her or you. but id give that wish to you.
this fucking sucks.
just always remember “until we meet again”. you WILL meet her again someday.
such a moving post matt. and to the first commenter – i really don’t think god made this happen to you. i think if there is a god, and i don’t really believe there is (but hey, they are just my beliefs), he made such a big mistake with this one. i have a happy vision of you and liz on your wedding day in my mind today.
embracing you from a far. words escape me, i don’t know what to say.
Thinking of you always.
Matt, she is there, she’s in the eyes of that beautiful little creation you and she made together in love. She is in her smile, in her eyes and in her hair.
Happy Father’s Day…Spend yours hugging that precious little girl of yours.
Happy Fathers Day! You get the father of the year award in my eyes – even if you do lock your kid in the car, don’t put PJ’s on her and let strangers hang out with her – actually it’s those kinds of things that make me think you’re the coolest dad on the block – it’s also why you have millions of cyber stalkers because you’re not afraid at keeping it real. Thanks for showing us this raw amazing emotion that hurts like hell. I really wish she was here… fuck!
That post gave me chills Matt. I am so sorry. Just know that she “is” here with you today and always, but it fucking sucks that she is not here with you and your beautiful daughter Maddy. You are doing an amazing job with Maddy, and I am glad that you are surrounded by family and friends on this day!!
Happy Father’s Day…to one of the greatest Dad’s out there!! You are an amazing dad to an absolutely amazing and beautiful little girl!! Keep up the great work Matt!! *Huge Hugz* to you today and always
Shannon in the BC
i forgot to say happy father’s day earlier~
i had “put” today out of my mind since it’s the first father’s day
since dad died
but i know maddy is
going to make sure you
have a happy one
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
H A P P Y F A T H E R ‘ S D A Y M A T T ! ! ! !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope “YOUR” day with Maddy is spent
doing some of the things you love to do.
Hugs to you & Maddy… today ‘n every day
I’m so sorry she is not here with you, my heart is with you and sending many happy blessing your way on this Father’s Day!!
Matt – I saw your story on an Oprah re-run last night – I stayed up until 3am last night as well as all today reading your blog. I am so moved by your story, and so inspired by what an amazing father you clearly are. I’m so sorry ((HUGS)).
I am so sorry that you were not able to spend the rest of your life with Liz, but I know Liz was blessed to spend the rest of hers with you.
Have a great Father’s Day. You deserve it.
I was married four years ago last week. Oh, my heart aches for you. I wish she was there, too.
Dude. Fuck. Fuck, dude. Duuuude. Sending you positive vibes because I’ve clearly got nothing else.
xxxxxxxx
love, love, and love. And Happy Father’s Day.
Matt– i don’t know you, but you always make me feel like I’m there too. You are a fabulous dad, Happy Father’s Day.
Oh Matt- I’m so sorry. I cannot even imagine how difficult your anniversary is.
I hope the joy of Father’s Day with Maddy and your family helps ease some of the pain!
thank you Matt and maddie for the inspiration. Your tenacity and your willingness to share the rawest of your emotions.
Dear Matt,
Happy Fathers Day…..we should all be so lucky to call you Dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your Friend,
Jen Messler
Hold strong Matt…
I wish there was something I could do to help hold all the pieces together, something I could do to help take away the pain…. life, sucks.
This was a beautiful post, thank you for sharing it with us. I hope your tomorrow is a little easier to get through than your today.
You.
are.
my.
favorite….
and i’m sorry you have to feel that way and be reminded of certain things.
Happy Father’s Day to a truly amazing dad! Even Oprah said so, and you can’t argue with the O!! =)
Hope your day is great!
happy daddies day Matt! i really adore the bond between you and maddy.
)
I’ve started reading your blog since I saw you on Ophrah a few months back. I’ve never commented before. But… I want to comment today for some reason. I’m so sorry that your beautiful liz is not with you today. It f***ing sucks what happened. But… yet… Maddy is the most stunning child I’ve ever seen… and the fact that she looks just like Liz? No coincidence. I can tell that Maddy brings you infinite joy and love every day. Thank God you have her! much love and hugs from NJ.
that was a beautiful, if not horribly sad, post.
so sorry that you’re having (another) bad day.
hug maddy tight and love her just a little more today.
hang in there.
have a wonderful father’s day…
Happy Father’s Day!
I think you are awesome. And when Maddy grows up and sees all the cool things you guys have done, and what a great job you have done, she will agree.
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY.
Im crying now…..
That was a beautiful post,
even if it might have been painful to write….
It’s beautiful bc you love her so much…..
It’s beautiful bc you express it in ways that make us readers feel just a little bit of what you are feeling….
It’s beautiful bc its your heart….
Thank you for sharing your beautiful words with all of us stranger friends…
Hang in there (((((HUGS))))))
I think you are awesome too. Liz is so proud of you. Happy Father’s Day.
I wish she were there with you, too! I am so sorry that she is not. But her spirit will always be with you – just close your eyes and she will be there with you and Maddie! A pure and beautiful post by a great husband and father – Happy Father’s Day, Matt. {{{HUGS}}}
wow – didn’t know the wedding was going to be in the same place…
Happy Father’s Day Matt – you are and continue to be an inspiration to sooo soooo many –
xoxo -
Happy Father’s Day to one awesome Daddy!!
I can see the love you are feel for her. Im sure she is watching over you and she holds your hand through the process of raising maddie. HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!!!!
Beautiful poem, Matt.
Just wanted to wish you a Happy Father’s Day… I have you have a fabulous time with your incredible gift today: Maddy.
A sweet Father’s Day to you, Matt. I’m infinitely sorry she’s not here.
you brought tears to my eyes. i’m so sorry for the pain you feel. i’m sending you tons of hugs and good wishes.
Happy Father’s Day.
hugs from NJ,
erica, Landon and the nameless baby-to-be
so beautiful, yet painful. i’m sure being home brings back the memories even more. i wish liz was here instead of your internet following. but thank you for sharing with us. i wish we could take your heartache away. not sure if it gets less painful, or just more manageable. sending hugs to you and madeline (liz jr.) i hope maddy brings a smile to you this Father’s Day and makes you realize why you get up everyday and continue to live. She is a lucky lady and is a little piece of Liz. (well, maybe bigger piece than you since she looks just like her!)
Happy Father’s Day Matt!
You are an amazing person and full of strength, To open up and share your highs and your lows, you have touched so many people through your blog. You have one beautiful little girl, and I believe her Mommy is watching from above and helping you when needed.
Have a great Fathers Day.
Sometimes I wish I had super powers and could go back in time and let people know all the bad shit that is going to happen so they could prevent it. I’d for sure be flying (with a cape and all) back to L.A. 15 months ago.
Hugs to you Matt; you really have suffered such a terrible loss that many of us can’t even comprehend.
Happy Father’s Day.
Happy Father’s Day – I am so, so sorry she is not here today.
Thinking of you and Madeline on Father’s Day.
I saw you on Oprah, from Brazil.
So, so sorry for your loss, yet she gave you Maddy.
Be sure her spirit’s always watching over you two.
Oh Matt
Happy Father’s Day – she is there! In every smile Maddie makes, in every moment you have together. Wish she was really really there, though.
I’m so sorry, Matt. It’s so unfair. But Liz is there – every time you look at your sweet Maddy, Liz is there.
Wishing you peace and happiness on this father’s day – welcome back to MN
Oh Matt, with every story, every memory, every flickering thought you have she is there. She left you with the most important piece of her memory in that beautiful little girl. You were the one with the ability to carry on her memory for Maddy. She will never be gone, she’s just not there.
Happy Father’sDay Matt
Hugs buddy.
Happy Father’s Day, though.
She gave you the most precious gift she could.
((((((matt)))))
Happy Father’s Day!
My heart breaks for you that your Liz is no longer with you. She left you a wonderful little person to cherish in her absence.
You are a wonderful father and should be celebrated!! Happy Father’s Day to you!
Matt,
Oh how I wish with all of my heart that she was there too but part of her will ALWAYS be there……1/2 in your heart and 1/2 in sweet little Madeline. HUGS!
wow….that’s about all I can say right now.
On Friday I was watching Oprah and the re-run of your show aired. I looked up your blog and basically spent my entire weekend reading your blog. You are such an amazing dad and what you are doing is so inspiring. Madeline is a beatiful girl and is going to be very proud of you one day when she reads this. It is evident by the photos and the video that you post that she is such a happy little girl.
Reading about you and Madeline really puts life into perspective. I look forward to continuing to read your blog.
Happy Father’s Day!
P.S. I laughed so hard at the video of Madeline squeezing the scary toy. It was too funny to see her giggling away at your expense as if to say “it’s just a toy, dad”. But seriously, throw that thing away!
Happy Fathers Day…thankyou
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY – MATT
I pray for you and Maddy everyday.
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY MATT !!!
You and Maddy have a special place within my heart. Hope your day with family and friends is great! I’m sending you both a BIG HUG !!
My heart goes out to you. U had a kind of love some people spend their entire lives searching for. Liz really is a supernova. “Happy Father’s Day” to an awesome Dad!
I’m so sorry, Matt. I’m crying for you. For me. For all of us to have to endure this shit. It shouldn’t be this way.
The depth of sorrow is so deep. Time passes, but there are these moments of excruciating grief…I think when the happyy/brighter days are more frequent, the lows and painful reminders are even harder, My heart goes out to you. I have been stalking your blog for months and am amazed at your love for your daughter, and ability to persevere and trudge on. In the past few months it seems you have been on a steady climb to more peaceful days. Keep doing what you are doing, Matt, Liz would be so proud of all you are doing.
I lost my husband of 24 years March 18, 2007 to a last minute plane ride that crashed. Three others made it out alive. I had just talked to him before he got on the small plane. His birthday was the day before. He and I joked about how exciting his birthday had been and that he would remember it forever. We have twins and I am thinking a lot about him today. Matt, good job in setting up a foundation in Liz memory. I really don’t know how people handle their spouse loss, kids, jobs etc. It’s been really hard but I am so blessed to have my kids!
Beautiful!
Happy Father’s Day!
I ,as many others have said, felt the need to comment today. Look into your beautiful baby girl’s eyes and see the wonderful woman who left you too soon.
Thinking of you today.
Say hi to Maddy for me.
<3
Beautiful post. Happy Father’s Day (and Happy Anniversary too, if my reading comprehension skills are working).
i’m sorry, matt. but happy father’s day- you’re one of the best there is. <3
My heart goes out to you today…
Happy Father’s Day!
Hi Matt.
So sorry for the sadness – but so glad that you were there before, that you did have that time, that you do have those memories. I’m still new at this grieving thing too, but I try to remind myself of the happiness, and let myself feel that with the pain. An odd mix of drugs, sure, but for me it works.
(I only wear his ring now, on my left, when I’m not slipping in off and reading the engravings over ant over)
I hope you have a beautiful Father’s Day with your amazing daughter.
Thinkin of you and yours today ….
Dude, you freaking made me cry. I hate that you are not with her. I hate that more than anything right now in this moment.
Wish it could be different for you.
Wish I knew why bad things happen.
Wish I knew what to say to make you feel better.
Happy Father’s Day.
Matt, you’re such an amazing dad despite the circumstances. You can do anything and I firmly believe that nothing is put before us that we cannot survive.
Enjoy your second Father’s Day with precious Maddie.
Matt and Maddy,
I want to wish you a Happy Father’s Day first off…Second I wanted to say that this blog I think somone said it already but for the first time in awhile I had tears of saddness for you since I started reading your blog I have laughed,cried, had an oh shit moment a few times for you but this blog hits home it is the realization that we take far to many things for granted in life. I just want to say thank you for helping me with struggles in life I find I refer to a lot when I am having one of those moments in life. You are truely an amazing being and you should always know that she is with you watching and making sure your ok. Keep your head up and keep that little darling happy and healthy.
Alice
Happy Father’s Day.
Thinking of you. I wish she was there with you Matt and that all was perfect in your world. Sending a hug accross the miles. Hope you can enjoy that special little girl today. Happy Father’s Day!
Happy Father’s Day Matt!
Lori STL
Sending you peace and support. I guess there’s not much else I can say because I know nothing will take away your pain. I am glad you have Maddie and lots of family and friends who love you.
How can I miss someone I did not even know..sigh, Happy Father’s Day, I hope Madeline has a wonderful pool party, and you have a great day with family and friends.
Dear Matt: I am here, and I know that Liz is there with you and Maddy every minute of the day.Sorry you celebrated your Anniversary yesterday without Liz being with you. She left you part of her in Maddy. Have a great pool party today and Happy Father’s Day to an incredible Father.
Rosann
Much love.
Happy Father’s Day to one of the best dad’s around.
Hug that little one tight.
Matt-
I’ve followed your blog for a couple of months and I feel like I know you! Your voice in your writing is amazing. I admire how you aren’t afraid to share what exactly is on your mind for the whole world to see. Your book will be amazing, and I am looking forward to reading it. I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s been like to lose Liz, but she gave you an amazing gift: Madeline. My son was born around the same time as Maddy and it’s been fun to share in some of the same experiences as you have with her. Enjoy your Father’s Day. Madeline is lucky to have you as her dad.
Happy Father’s Day, Matt. Even though she can’t say it in person, Liz wishes that for you too. She wished it as soon as she knew that you were the one she wanted to be her child’s Dad. She IS still here in the beautiful little girl that you both created AND in the deep parental love you feel for that little girl. But I wish so much that she were here in the way that your post means as well.
Again, Happy Father’s Day! You are a phenomenal one.
Happy Father’s Day, I wish by next time this year a little ease to the intense ache you have. I only know things should be easier for you and many others but it isn’t. Your strength is amazing…one day at a time.
I have goosebumps.
HFD!
The anniversaries blow ass. I hate the anniversaries. This is my week of anniversaries. Tomorrow is the 10 month anni of the accident, next day is our 16 month wedding anni, and then a week from today is the 10 month anni of his death. Hate them! Ugh!
Happy Father’s Day and Happy Anniversary. I hope you survive both.
I forgot to add to my earlier post, Happy Father’s Day!!!!!!!!!! I can see what an amazing relationship that you & Maddy already have, and how lucky she is to have such a great daddy.
My husband & I have been struggling to start a family for the last 5 years. I often feel sorry for myself and what we don’t have. But reading your blog makes me hold my husband a little closer and reminds me to appreciate what we do have. THANK YOU!!
Happy Fathers Day. She is with you. Just look at that little blond lady who lives with you. She has Liz’s looks, her heart and her spirit.
Hugs! I hope today is awesome for you! You are the BEST father….enjoy your special day.
I hope Madeline helps put the ‘happy’ into your ‘happy father’s day’, and I hope today is bearable, peaceful and maybe even a little awesome for you. Please let Liz’s father know that he, too, is being thought of. Happy Father’s Day to the fathers of two amazing little blondes.
what a beautiful post, and may i wish you a happy father’s day. what a sweet blessing to have a sweet reminder in maddie of her precious sweet mommy.
wishing you joy amidst the pain.
Oh Matt this made me cry. I believe that she is there, standing right next to you looking at that beautiful baby girl, and seeing what an amazing job you are doing. Happy Father’s Day Matt!
She’s there watching over you. She’ll always be with you…just not the way you want her to be! I’m sure her heart is breaking just as your is…I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m glad to hear that you are surrounded by family and friends on a day like this.
Happy Father’s Day Matt. You are an exceptional father. You have a strength and resilience that really is admirable, and I hope you are able to enjoy the day with Maddy…after all she is the greatest gift that Liz could have ever given to you.
My thoughts are with you today…
that was beautiful!!! I come to your site everyday to peep into your world (and Maddies) At first I thought it was because I felt sorry for you, but now I KNOW its because you are what every women wants in a man. You love Liz with all your heart and soul and it is so beautiful to witness.
Have a wonderful Fathers Day!! You deserve it!
Just wanted to wish you a happy fathers day to a wonderful father! So sorry for the saddness and I so wish Liz was here on earth with you and maddie but I don’t doubt for a second that Liz is not with you and Maddie everyday and WOW how proud she is of you for the wonderful job of fatherhood you are doing!!!!!! Happy Fathers day!
Matt, I know that life definitely has not turned out how you planned or expected. I am so proud of how far you’ve come since losing Liz and how you’ve impacted so many with your words/wit in the last year plus. You are an incredible person and father, and Maddy and Liz are very lucky to have someone like you in their lives. I wish you a most joyous Father’s Day! If I lived in the MN, I would so be at the pool party! Big hugs!
I’m so sorry she isn’t there with you, I wish she could be too. Thinking of you and Maddie today and every day.
Happy Father’s Day and have a wonderful day today at Madeline’s pool party!
When I read this, my heart was breaking for you. But then I thought of that beautiful child you two created and all I could think was happy father’s day.
I’m so sorry that you are in pain.
I stopped by to wish you a Happy Father’s Day! I hope your day is going well. I’ve been reading you for a while now. I haven’t lost a spouse. I lost a son 2 years ago. The pain is different, but the way things come and kick you in the ass from time to time has to be similar.
You’re a great Dad! I hope your day with Maddie is amazing!
Happy Fathter’s Day Matt! Enjoy today w/ Maddy! She is a part of Liz…so Liz will always be with you and Maddy! XO
And how embarrassing that I spelled her name incorrectly! Forgive me. My neice is “Maddie”! So..I hope your day with MADDY is amazing! =)
Matt….she is there…just close your eyes,think of her and she is there…right by your side. Looking at you,holding your hand,laughing,talking to you and most of all loving you.
I know this must be so very hard for you but this is nothing you can’t live through.I know that you will see and be with her again someday.
God this made me cry so hard.
beautiful. happy father’s day.
WOW! Matt, I wish she was there with you too. I don’t know any of you personally but it breaks my heart that Liz is not there will you & Maddy. You are doing a wonderful job and I love your writing. I hope you are enjoying Father’s Day, because you certainly fucking deserve it!! Take Care!!
I wish she were there with you still. I wish there was something we could all do to make it different. I’m so sorry.
shit. You are a great dad. Way to stay present with your feelings: the key, right…right? Hang in.
I’m so sorry, Matt. I wish she was here.
Your post moved me. Your wife is with you, in your beautiful daughter. I wish she could be with you in person. You are keeping her memory alive and I know she will always live on in you. It is so unfair.
I have a feeling you rock as a Dad. Happy Father’s Day to you.
Happy Anniversary Matt and Happy Daddy’s Day to a great Dad!
Matt, that was so beautifully written. You express it so beautifully, even though it is so sad. She knew how much you loved her. That’s important . She didn’t leave you not knowing that. And she knows you are the best Daddy in the world to your little girl. I’m sorry this sucks so much. I hope you can get through this day, this hour. Hang in there.
Wow!
Matt, happy father’s day!
Im sorry about your loss this must be so hard…
Have you ever considered talking to him?
http://www.vanpraagh.com
Perhaps he can bring some answers
I send you all my love…
Dearest Matt,
We all come into this world with purpose and reason and the time we will leave this world is already set.
What if
A voice had whispered in your ear those sixteen years ago and told you you would only have her for a few years?
What if
You hadn’t taken the chance and loved her for that time?
What if
You hadn’t allowed her to go off to school and fulfill her dreams and become who she wanted to be?
What if
You thought it was too hard to be apart and hadn’t hung in there until you could be together?
What if
You had decided you weren’t ready to be a father yet and had asked her to wait for babies?
What if
She had a blod clot caused by something else and she had gone without ever seeing the beautiful child you made together?
What if
Your purpose in life has always been to give Liz all the things she had before she was gone?
It has to be so hard to be left with a hole you can never fill up, but I truly believe you were chosen to complete Liz’s life.
I pray you will take comfort in knowing you completed that task.
Happy Father’s Day -
I am also sure she knows that her baby is being loved and cared for exactly as she would have wanted.
Happy Father’s Day! You are doing a GREAT JOB!!!
I just discovered your site last night and spent the evening crying my eyes out reading everything. Happy Father’s Day to you! You are the most amazing dad and Madeline is so lucky to you have you. I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through but know Liz is with you. SHe might not be there but she is always there in every second of you life and she is smiling and falling more in love with you because of the person you have become. Enjoy your day with your angel!! I will keep checking the site, would love to meet you and Madeline when you are in NYC again. My daughter just turned 1 in May. Keep being the strong person you are!!
I am so, so sorry she isn’t here. I never know exactly what I’m going to find when I come here…something funny, something touching, or something completely heart wrenching. What I do know is I will always be amazed by you as a parent and by the depth of your love for the people in your life. I can’t wait to read your book.
Happy Father’s Day! I have followed your blog for awhile but don’t think I’ve posted. I can’t imagine what it feels like to be in your shoes, but I think you are doing an incredible job with your sweet baby girl. I know your wife would be so proud and amazed with both of you. I wish that she could be here with you on this day.
Happy Father’s Day, Matt. I hope you and Maddy are having a great day enjoying each other. Hugs to you both!
I am sorry. I wish she could be there with you too. And Maddy. She is in your heart, and her smile is in your beautiful daughter’s eyes.
Happy Father’s Day.
Happy Father’s Day Matt. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing one of ‘those’ moments…ouch. I never knew Liz, but I miss her. How is that possible? Liz is so proud of you…I’m proud of you and how you’ve handled it all. You’re doing an amazing job…and may on Father’s Day Maddie won’t get into ‘too’ much trouble
she’s such a blessing. thanks for sharing you and her with all of us.
Wow…I have no words…
________________________
Happy Father’s Day, Matt…make precious memories with your Maddy today…
Happy Father’s Day
Happy Father’s Day Matt.
You are truly an inspiration.
She is there Matt. Close your eyes and breathe her in. She is there. Happy Fathers Day!
Milestones are so hard. There’s nothing I can say/write. I’m just sorry. I hope that you had a special fathers day with your beautiful daughter.
Another indescribable post.
Happy Father’s Day, Matt. Nothing but happiness.
I have no words to say that you haven’t already heard. You know we are here for you when you need an ear to bend.
Happy Father’s Day.
She’s with you, Matt – just look at Maddy and you’ll see her.
I know it’s not quite the same, but she’ll always be with you.
We are here. And that’s not the same thing. Not even close. But we are here, applauding the amazing Dad that’s willing to put everything out for the world to see, for the world to understand what his wife and her daughter truly were and are. Happy Father’s Day, from All of Us.
Matt,
I always wonder, when the memories, will be a comfort?
Happy Father’s Day Matt. You’re an amazing father and person! Liz is smiling down on you. You’ve made her so proud..
God Bless.
She is probably thinking of you today also (and every other day)
Like many others, I cried reading your story months ago, reading the previous entries.. and today I cry reading this entry.
Happy Father’s Day, Matt.
Happy Father’s Day Matt. Hang in there and go give Maddy a big kiss. We’re all thinking of you.
Happy Father’s Day Matt! I am sure Liz thinks you are the BEST father in the whole wide world. I also think you are doing an awesome job and i think you deserve “Father of the year” award!!!!
Annette McDermott
Thinking of you on your anniversary.
Father’s day is not complete without a mother. I had three mother’s day’s before my husband died last year. It’s definitely not the same anymore, since my kids are too young to make it any more special than another day. I wish you were able to experience the gift and appreciation that Liz would have for you today.
Hope you enjoy the good of the day and know how lucky Maddy is to have you in her life. You are her inspiration and she needs you to help her learn to appreciate men in the future.
Is it your anniversary? Or are you just thinking about her? Happy Father’s Day. You are doing an amazing job, and so many of us are pulling for you and praying for you. I don’t know what you believe, but I believe families are eternal. Madeline is a lucky girl.
Happy fathers day! I hope you can feel all the love coming from around the world from your family, friends and strangers. Hang in there. You are keeping her alive……and that is so important….*HUGS*
I’m so sorry, that’s really awful that y’all aren’t there together. I can’t even imagine.
Happy Father’s Day… I’m sure your sweet Madeline is happy that you are there for her.
My heart breaks for you……
Hope you had a Happy Father’s Day
I agree with another poster, she’s there. She’s not there in the way you need or want her to be there, I know. But she’s there in every smile, every giggle and every moment you get from Madeline. I hope you were able to enjoy Father’s day. You’re a wonderful father and an inspiration to so many.
well written Matt. Sorry its a rough day for you. Happy Father’s Day. You are the best dad I’ve ever seen… well on Oprah that is…since I’ve never seen you anywhere else
happy father’s day!
I have followed your post for a while, but today’s post was one of the most powerful you have written. Short, but filled with an image so strong it brought tears to my eyes. This is definitely one that should be included some where in your book. Happy Father’s Day……
It’s not the same I know, but Liz is there- just in minature size. Maddy is there because Liz can’t be. God knows what He’s doing
Happy Fathers Day Matt. You’re one hell of a guy, and a damn good dad!
So very sad Matt. The memories that keep her alive in spirit are probably the same memories that bring such joy, and such sadness. She should be there with you, that was the plan. I am so very sorry that she is not.
a heart wrenching post. wishing a happy father’s day to an exceptional father
I am brand new to your blog, and wanted to say hello. I am very sorry for your loss. An unspeakable tragedy…I honestly can’t wrap my brain around it. I don’t even know what to say.
I hope you had a wonderful Father’s Day, and may God bless you and Madeline each and every day as you walk this road called life together.
Take care,
Kelli Bosarge
ugottafriend.com
Your gift of loving life, despite the pain, is a wonderful blessing to your daughter.
Being fathers day I thought of you… p.s. I love you was on tv today… I thought of you… saw my husband with my daughter…. thought of you…. Finally came to check you ever addicting blog and read that…. cried for you. I could never imagine the loss you feel. Thankfully you will forever have a little piece of liz. Wanted to wish you a happy fathers day, maybe tomorrow will be a better day… I do however have a song recommendation for you. Daughter by Peter Blegvad…
This is the writing style you should use in your book. Simple. Spare. Beautiful.
I am so sorry, Matt. I wish she were there with you.
Happy Father’s Day. I hope you enjoyed the day with your beautiful daughter.
I’ve never commented before, but this post made me cry and I felt compelled to say hello, and that I’m thinking of you. Happy Father’s Day to you, Maddy is so beautiful and I’m sure Liz would be very proud of the job you’re doing raising her.
–Tamara, NYC
Wow! I can only pray that a man would love me HALF as much and strong as you love Liz. She must have been such a special lady. She was also one of the rare lucky ones that found the such a love that is more powerful that a 1,000 loves combined. Your story is such a powerful one that it brings me to tears each time I read your blog.
Sharyn
Every time I look at Liz’s pictures, I am saddened and wish things were different so she could still be here with you. Time passes but the wounds never heal. You are such a strong man, Matt. Keep your chin up. Liz is still with you, in spirit. Always!
Hope you a had a great Father’s day Matt–Your an awesome dad! I don’t know you, but you are truly remarkable. You touch and inspire so many lives with your courage. I hope you continue to find peace and strength. Take Care.
I often have a *much* harder time being in the town where Charley and I grew up, where we started dating in high school and where his parents still live, than I do here at “home,” in the town where we lived together when we were married. And being around all the same extended family members–whom I love dearly and truly enjoy spending time with–just hurts worse when we’re in our old hometown than when we’re here in Portland. So I get it. Totally. Will the feelings ever totally go away? Probably not….You’ll still have moments like this in the future too, but eventually they’ll sting a little less, subside faster, and you can move through and past them without the emotional hangover. So sorry it was a shitty day. Hang in there….Hugs.
Hi Matt… I’ve been following your blog for over a year. I’ve been wanting to scrapbook Madeline for so long and finally this photo pushed me to do it! I’d love you to see the page I created. If you like it, you can download the original size and print 12×12 at Costo – great for a scrapbook or hanging on the wall. I hope you enjoy it.
Here is Madeline’s Page.
Thank you so much for sharing your photos and stories! I’ll post my scrapbook page on my blog July 7th to promote $7 on the 7th and link to Liz’s foundation.
- Christie
*hugs* to you, Matt.
I have never commented before, but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am…although those words seem so trivial given all that you are dealing with. Life certainly isn’t always fair, is it?
Happy Father’s Day to the best dad your daughter could ask for…
wow…Matt u are GReat father…
i’m approud of you…i’ll always pray that u can more stronger more than that…she’s always loving u n’ madellin 4 ever.
GOd BLeSs You
She’s doesn’t have to look “down” because she’s right next to you both. Peace and hugs from a stranger in MN who knows all too well the pain you are feeling.
Over the years I’ve become a bit weary of the “hallmark” quality of the holidays we celebrate. In your case, however, a celebration of what it means to be a father is definitely in order. I imagine not having Liz to celebrate you and your fatherly accomplishments rings a bit hollow, but I wanted to throw my endless supply of admiration your direction anyway.
Take care of yourself.
she’s always there.
i like e.e. cummings i carry your heart (i carry it in mine)
It works for liz and madeline both.
You’re a beautiful writer, Matt. Just remember she is with you and Madeline everyday, in your hearts.
Matt,
Wish I knew what to say…..You and Maddy are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care,
Debbie
Who are you? What an incredible post — This the first I’ve come across your blog, although I’ve been following MckMama since last August —
To clearly a father who deserves more than a card on Father’s Day… Well wishes to you and your precious daughter
Oh Matt. My heart still breaks for you every day but your spirit is still soaring, and she would be so very proud of you and your accomplishments if only she were here to tell you and show you. I am so glad I met you both briefly on my last visit to the MN. I will never forget Liz’s bigger than life size smile or the friendship you extended to me during that short visit. I wish there was something I could do to take away the pain I know you feel every single day. You are certainly proving to to the world that great things can be accomplished in the midst of great pain. You are doing a totally awesome job with your happy baby. Keep on hangin’ in there. Maddie and the world need more people like you : )
Your sorta cousin, Barb
Matt…..that was beautiful.
I hope you had a great Father’s Day.
I am sorry for your pain…….Liz is looking down and smiling…you are an awesome Dad and person.
~ God Bless ~
Matt, that was beautiful.
I’m sorry for your pain. You are a wonderful Dad and person.
God Bless
Hang in there Matt! It will get better but it does take time. You are lucky that you have Maddy to help you get through those tough times. Liz lives through her and is your inspiration to do all the things you want to do. It takes a strong person to go through what you have. Maddy is so lucky to have you to guide her and show her everything. By the way, Happy Father’s Day!
Fuck.
She is there…..although it may be hard to see now….. wrapped up in a little package that you like to call Maddy….through her Liz will live on…as she gets older you will start to notice traits that are remarkably like her mother and then you will see she is there and always will be. Take Care and I hope you had a very happy fathers day you are doing an amazing job and I can’t wait to read your book!
Huggin’ my baby girl a little tighter today
Sarah
Happy Fathers Day Matt! I agree with Sarah…….Liz is there through Maddy. My mother-in-law lost my husbands father when my husband was only 2. It still scares her sometimes now that my husband is a grown man because he acts so much like his father and he never even knew him.
I wish she was here for you as well. I know it doesn’t take away the pain… but your sweet daughter looks SO much like her. I hope that brings a tiny bit of comfort to know that a part of her is still here.
Thinking of you from MA.
Hi Matt,
I have been reading your blog for a while but never said hello before. I am so very sorry for your and Maddy’s loss. I love reading about the the adventures the two of you share. I am so excited about your book!
Best wishes,
Jodi
Your post just broke my heart into a million little pieces.
I’m sitting here a complete mess, that was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read, yet equally so sad and painful.
I don’t think there’s anything anyone can say or do to take that kind of pain away, just know that there are many out there who love you and Maddy and would in a heartbeat give you your Liz back if we could.
Thinking of you and your best girl today.
A stranger/friend in Canada.
I’m so sorry that she isn’t there. I really wish she was.
She will always be here in Maddy. My heart breaks for all you and Maddy have been through.
I’m sorry.
You are a fantastic MAN and FATHER.
Time will heal all wounds.
—————
Please vote for Olivia!
She is the first photo on Page Two for Week Three!
(Yellow Sun Hat)
http://www.channel955.com/pages/babybattle.html
Though I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling (or have felt in the past year or so), I can say that reading some of your posts (I’m new to your blog) you are so human and normal. You have such a talent for writing, feeling, telling, sharing, fathering, and caring. Your blonde haired daughter is blessed to have you as her daddy, just as much as you are blessed to have her as your baby girl.
I wish she was here for you now too. Here for the moments, the laughs, the posts, the cries… for Maddy.
I wish she was here for you.
“Life Is Hard, Get A Helmet”- Eric Mathews “Boy Meets World”
This is a great, unknown by many, quote. It’s true for any kind of obstacle you are in, going or just getting out of.
Matt, Liz is there. You cant see her, but she sees you. Maddy cant see her, but Liz sees her.
She sees you everyday. She sees yall everday. She’s proud of the dad you are. She’s proud of the husband you became. She’s proud of the boyfriend she had. She’s proud of the guy she feel in love with.
I know that looking at her pictures hurt. I know looking at the notes she wrote hurt. I know living without her hurts more and more everyday. But, when you sleep, you dream. When you dream, she’s there. You might not remember, but she’s there. She’s laying beside you while you sleep. She’s caressing you while you sleep the night away. She’s sitting there in Maddy’s room while she sleeps too. You never know, she might have started that damn rabbit that night lol. But she’s sitting there, telling Maddy things that she wont remember. She’s kissing you, she’s kissing Maddy and when the sun comes up, she goes back to a place where she’s okay and fine. She’s watching you and Maddy like a hawk lol. She’s making sure that you remember what clothes match. She’s making sure you feed Maddy the right things, and probably laughing when Maddy does something you dont like. She’s happy wherever she’s at…
She’s happy because one day she’s knows that you and Maddy will be with her. She’s more than likely hoping it’s not today, tomorrow, the next day, the next week, the next month, the next year, the next 50 years.
She’s there. You cant see her. Neither can Maddy. But she is there, happy because you are doing good and happy because Maddy is still here.
hope everything goes good with you, Maddy and the book.
She is looking down at you… and proud… and yet she is also a part of Maddy…. living on through the joy of your daughter. May God keep you and bless you as you continue to work through each day, dealing with the pain, and enjoying the moments with Maddy.
xoxoxox and robot hugs too!
I am thinking of you and Liz on your Anniversary.
Happy Father’s Day.
crying
Oh Matt…my eyes well with tears for you. Close your eyes, breathe in deep..she IS there with you. Hang in there friend. Hugs!
These are the days where reading your blog is just another brutal reminder of how shitty life can be. These are also the days that remind me to hug my husband a little longer each night in bed, tell him I love him a few more time, and pray to god that he knows just how much he means to me. Just know your words spark a million more from others mouths.
Matt, my heart goes out to you. I have tears in my eyes. I wish she was there with you, too. Maddy is so lucky to have you for a Daddy. I hope you had a great day yesterday with your Baby Girl.
Take care
My heart goes out to you-
Hugs…
Matt -
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for you and I’m sorry for Maddy.
I do agree though with others that Liz is here though – she’s around – and she’s watching. She’s watching you do an awesome job with your daughter – the one that you AND she made.
I wish that time really did heal all wounds but I know it doesn’t. Time just makes the memories different – some get clearer and some fade away.
Happy late Father’s Day Matt.
Liz is proud of you Matt – I just know it.
I am not sure how to post. Part of me wants to say sorry and that your words are beautiful. The other believes that she is with you all the time – around you and Maddy watching and smiling. I don’t know if you believe in that sort of stuff but if you read this I am curious if you do feel her presence or have had any “signs” that she has been around?
Liz is always there with you. She watches you be a wonderful dad to Maddy and she helps you in the darkest of moments. I will continue to pray for you. I know she is proud of you. Hang in there, Matt!!
Love, Mere
Matt, Liz is with you…wherever you go…for a part of her remains embedded in your heart & soul…as well as Maddy’s. Love lives on forever… She’s in the wind that blows across your cheek, the sun that shines on Maddy’s hair, the timeless beauty of a rainbow after the rain…Liz is there. Always.
I’m pretty sure that you don’t believe that Liz is with you always. To be honest, I don’t know if I even believe in stuff like that. I can understand if people want to, it helps to ease the pain, but I don’t know if its true. All I know if that it helps them and that is a good thing. It doesnt really matter if Liz sees you or not (at this point, it doesn’t make a difference) because if she was still alive, she would be so very proud of how the two of you have grown over the past year. She married you for many reasons and how you have handled the past year has only reinforced what she already knew. There is no such thing as ‘the perfect father’ but I believe that you have done your absolute best with the situation you were given. There is nothing better that you could have done and that is what makes you a pretty fantastic father to have.
Wow. I heard about your blog several months ago and just now realized who you were. I’m sorry about the loss of your wife…I can’t imagine such a loss. You have a beautiful daughter.
liz left a part of her in maddy, and i thank God you have her.
i am so sorry
((((((HUGS)))))))
I wish for all the world I could change now and we and here and then for you both.
I have been following you for a couple months. I love the way you write(can’t wait for the book) You have made me laugh(locked maddy in car. did that) and cry many times. But maddy will love this blog when she is older and has kids and know what her daddy went thur day by day!!! be strong for her!!
I want to vomit and cry at the same time while I shake my fists angrily at the universe. Who will predictably laugh in my face.
Sending you love and light.
I’ve recently put bloger ads on my blog and Liz’s ad is how I was introduced to you and your beautiful family. My teenage daughter just had her 2nd baby in 1 year by the same loser drug dealin’ guy. YOU are what a Father is all about Matt. My grandkids aren’t even acknowledged by their dad. But something tells me from reading your blog that you are the same Dad you would’ve been if Liz were still here. That is awesome. I haven’t cried over reading a blog for awhile and my husband saw Oprah the day after I showed him your site and he said it was a beautiful segment. I wish I could bring Liz back for you Matt and for you little girl who looks so much like her Mother. As much as my heart aches for you, know that you are honoring Liz as a wife and mom by the way you are helping others and taking care of your daughter. I know you miss her, but thank you so much for sharing her. She seemed gorgeous inside and out.
Blessings,
Lelia
Matt, you and Maddy are in my family’s thoughts. Liz knew of your love for her and she still feels it. I wish she was there with you to experience everything wonderful with Maddy. You are a very strong person. Just look at Maddy’s eyes. You will see Liz there.
Hey Matt — Clearly someone is upset with the comment I left you yesterday — Quoted as follows:
“Who are you? What an incredible post — This is the first I’ve come across your blog, although I’ve been following MckMama since last August —
To clearly a father who deserves more than a card on Father’s Day… Well wishes to you and your precious daughter”
After I posted this, I then got an Anonymous comment stating I was “Unclassy and Uncouth” to leave such a question as “who are you” — The 2nd comment stated that you were the one posting the “anonymous” comment and truth be told, I don’t take you as the type to freak out over a silly comment
— When asking “who are you” I was simply referring to the deep emotions I was hit with through your post as in “Wow, you’re writing is amazing! Who are you?” —
You can find those comments on my post from yesterday here
I hope you are SO blessed moving forward… Mourning the loss of your greatest love is a journey and not an easy one — Thank you for using your story to reach out and help others in need –
I have read this blog entry 10 times over the last few days… and the only words I can come up with are: I’m sorry.
The recollections of the day and the pain you are feeling now radiate the boundless love that you have for Liz. This is a beautifully written post Matt. I hope on the day you were able to look at Madeline and see the physical representation of the love that you and Liz shared.
- Happy belated Father’s Day to you…
Oh but she is, just look at that beautiful little girl . . . and feel her in your heart . . .
tears.
Beautiful and heartbreaking. I’m sorry that you are still hurting but also touched that your grief is so close to the surface. Your love for Liz is inspirational. Thank you for sharing.
I think I am one of many who have read your blog and not commented before. Your feelings jump off the screen and your love of your wife is so (and I won’t express this correctly) out there for us to feel. I hope you had a wonderful father’s day. Liz is there, all around you, everyday.
I can feel your love for Liz through your words. What a wonderful gift for your daughter!
Oh Matt, I can only hope I show my husband the kind of love that you show Liz. You help me to remember that our time together is not guaranteed. Thank you for that. I am so sorry for the pain you are in. I hope you find some relief in the beautiful gift you are giving Maddy.
you are simply, fucking amazing.
It’s not the 7th, but I donated $7. I hope one day to find a man who loves me the way you love Liz, who can’t wait to marry me and have a family. I hope I find that someone to give all my love to. Liz was lucky to have you, as is Madeline. You were lucky to have her, as was Madeline, even if only briefly.
VERY touching post. Memories, memories…pain and joy intermingled. Wish it didn’t have to be the way it is for you and Maddie.
i’m so so so sorry for your loss matt. so very sorry.
I feel your pain and your sense of loss. You are incredibly showing a lot of strength in taking care of Madeline while at the same time mourning your loss. Keep inspiring people.
I have no words, just hope that you are able to find some peace.
I am so sorry. I wish I could hug you. This made me cry.
Hello Matt! Happy Father’s Day! I recentlly saw your story on Oprah and I was so broken up about it. I thought how unfair, why does God challenge us in indescribible ways? But your strength and and love for Maddy has been so inspirational! You and your beautiful daughter in our prayers. If only this world was filled with Daddies and Husbands like you who appreciated and cherished their families just as you have! May God Bless you and Keep you!
Love the Ferrer Family in Houston, Texas
Matt: I am a grandmother and a cancer survivor. Having my grandson makes everyting I went through to be here worth it. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. God does love you. He has never left your side. You will continue to heal. Thanks for sharing your story.
Incredible.
Your way to express your thoughts and feelings.
You have a gift.
With words.
*hugs*
This blog is one in my favorites that I check everyday for a new one…I read this the first day it was posted. Everyday since then, like clockwork I check to see if there’s a new post, when I see that it’s the same one, I try to go on to the next blog. I don’t want to read this post everyday, because it brings tears to my eyes, everytime. For some reason I can’t not read this. It’s amazing.
I have been following your blog since you appeared on Oprah (the first time) and the blog that I wrote this morning was inspired by you and a few other blogs that I have stumbled across through yours. http://colleen-lifeasiknowit.blogspot.com/2009/06/reason-season-and-lifetime.html
It is heartwarming to watch you and Maddy, the memories that you are making and documenting for her, to hold onto forever. She may never have a physical memory of her mom but you are giving her the best gift any dad could. You have chronicled her life before she came into yours, the story of her birth, her mother and the memories that you are making together.
You are inspiring more people than you will ever know. I’m glad to hear that you are putting it all together in a book.
I love looking at the changing pictures of Maddy at the top of the page. She brings a smile to my face! She is adorable and I have a feeling that when she grows up she will be just as beautiful as your wife.
I am so sorry….hugs.
Oh, Matt. All those memories just pouring in every time you see an old place…I can’t imagine it, but I can (and do) certainly feel for you. No one knows what that day meant to you but her, and she’s not here to reminisce with you, share the memories of a certain look, a certain inside joke that only you and she would get.
I hope someday all these old places won’t be quite the source of pain they are today. I hope this will happen for you…someday.
Sadly I relate to this post in a very real way. I understand it as if I could have written similar words myself. I am hoping for peace for you Matt.
take care mate. you are in thoughts of many many ppl all around the world.
From one person whose lost someone dear to them to another: it does get better with time and the memories hurt a little less, but they are always bittersweet. The best to you and your beautiful daughter, and keep writing, your words are like poetry!
Hey Matt! Wrote a post about ya on my blog post!
Matt, my heart breaks for you. I have no idea how you feel, but try to take comfort in looking at your beautiful baby, and knowing that she is Liz’s baby, too. You will always have a part of Liz alive in Maddy.
My heart just broke all over again for you. I’m so sorry she is not there.
8 days and no post I miss the daily updates!!!! I hope you are in a better place now that another painful day has passed. God bless you and maddie
One day, you will be able to tell Maddy the story of her parent’s wedding and hopefully that place will become a place for her to visit and for you to remember the happy moments of that day
Oh my gosh, to love and be loved like that takes my breath away. What a beautiful tribute!
Matt,
I don’t comment much, and I’m sure many people have sent you this already, but here is a Modern Love piece about a widowed father with a 4 year old named Madeleine. Different spelling, but still a lovely article about single fatherhood.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/28/fashion/28love.html
Congratulations on your book, what a great thing for you and Madeline and a way to keep remembering Liz.
Mat i am sorry for your loss. I saw your story on Oprah and looked for your site. Your strength is unmatched. You have a beutiful little girl and i know when she grows up will know that she has a father that isnt a quiter. Your an inspriation and not that im asking for your situation to happen to me, I hope i would have the same strength as you.
If there was ever a post to end all posts… the thing that appears as the forward or on the front flap of your book.
This is it.
Hauntingly beautiful. Sad and a terrific memorial all at the same time.
this is beautiful- it just made me cry and it is a rare thing to see something that makes me cry. you have a talent my friend
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