june 17th.
should have been
packing for our trip,
instead i was digging
through memories.
found one that was
rather recent
that made me
think of one from
the past.
and then i
thought about saturday.
june 18th.
flew with madeline
on round trip
flight #21.
she’s still averaging more
than one flight
per month of existence.
hope we can
keep it up.
made it to the mn
and got to spend some
time with family
and friends.
the grandparents came together
to hang out
with their grandchild
while i joined
josh, nate, aj
sonja and emilia for
a beer and
some talking.
we traded the
colianni family for
mark m., then headed
out to a new
old restaurant
for an evening of disappointment.
later we ended
up at a familiar bar
where we saw
some faces from the past.
i was back at
liz’s
parent’s house by
2:00am.
june 19th.
met up with some
creepy ladies and their
children, or in some
cases, the children
they borrow on weekdays.
had some fun at
a waterpark in the slp…
maddy tested out
her lungs
and her legs.
then she decided
that she wanted
what wasn’t hers
and made one
of rachel’s borrowed
children cry.
she did a lot
of flirting with
darcie’s male child
then decided that
she would try to
prove me wrong by
talking two steps
toward me.
(people have been asking…”is she walking yet?” and i always answer, “she totally could, but she’s just lazy.”).
had an early dinner
with nate, josh
and my nephew, travis.
got to see old friend,
anthony d.
but the night ended
way too early
because i felt like shit
(i should probably sleep more).
maddy stayed with
grandpa tom and
grandma bev
and spent the night
playing with their dogs.
june 20th.
saturday.
met up with maddy
in the morning,
and brought her
back to
liz’s
parent’s house so that
maddy could see her
auntie deb.
we spent the early
afternoon together
watching maddy
cruise around the house
until she was so exhausted
that she passed out.
she napped while
i got ready for
the evening.
madeline was to
spend the night
with grandma broccoli and
grandpa rodney.
i was off to
my friend, amy’s
wedding at a place
i spent a full
night in on
august 13th, 2005.
wow.
“almost four years ago”
i thought
as i put on
the same suit
i wore to the rehearsal
dinner on august 12th.
the same suit
i wore to
her
funeral in pasadena
in march 2008.
and the same suit
i wore a month
later to
her
second funeral,
the one in the mn,
near the shores
of the lake
across from which
we were married.
i really need a
new fucking suit.
…
josh and jane
picked me up
and we rode together
to that spot
that we all were in
a little less
than 4 years ago.
we parked on
the parkway,
and walked past the
spot where our
photos were taken.
i remember it like yesterday.
felt like i was
going to puke
as we approached
the side door.
we were a little
early so josh suggested
we go through
the front and have
a drink at the bar.
good idea.
got inside and
found a few
familiar faces.
aj and jamie,
their wives upstairs,
doing the work
they’d been asked to do.
we weren’t as
early as we
thought, so we
had to finish
our drinks rather fast.
done.
we made our way
down the
hallway and up the stairs.
the pain in my
chest, the need to vomit
both almost overwhelming.
we got to the
top of the stairs,
turned to the
right, and straight
ahead of me
was the room
i was in,
we were in,
on that day in august.
the wedding i was
going to?
in a different room.
…
the relief i felt was
powerful enough
to very nearly kill those
very physical reactions
to something that
was all in my head.
but this was
not about me.
and i put a happy face
on and truly enjoyed the
evening, despite some
very real moments
of struggle.
i wrote this
on my blackberry
as i spent some
moments alone in
the hallway.
…
the night was rough
as fuck, but i
have to confront
this stuff or be
paralyzed by it.
sometimes i think
i should just embrace
the paralysis.
…
june
sunday morning,
madeline still asleep,
i got up at
6:15 and made my
way to
aj’s house.
picked him up
and we stopped for breakfast
(he actually ordered and ate something called a “bacon waffle”).
after breakfast we
headed to the warehouse district
for a nice walk
and some photos.
i dropped aj off
and stumbled upon
one of the things
i really wanted
to photograph.
i made it back to
liz’s
parent’s house in time
to get showered for
maddy’s second annual
pool party.
it was great event…
lots of familiar
faces, and lots
of new ones.
even got to
meet the entire mckmama family .
when she wasn’t napping,
maddy enjoyed her
time playing in
the water,
hanging with her cousin,
being held by
the husbands of creeps
and playing with her grandmas,
by the end of the
night we were
exhausted so we
went to bed early.
june 22nd.
monday.
back on a plane
to los angeles.
maddy was very
active on the flight.
thankfully she had
her own seat
so she had a little
extra room to
move around.
soon enough we were
back home.
spent the afternoon
playing with her
familiar toys in
a familiar place.
we were both happy
to be home.
i still felt like
shit, so i decided
to skip the wilco
show i was
supposed to go
to that night.
before maddy was
born, i would have gone
no matter how
terrible i felt.
it seems that
my priorities have changed.
tuesday.
off to work and daycare
i had tickets
to the wilco
concert again this night
i was
feeling a bit
better and i
had a babysitter
(thanks, amy!)
so i decided to
take advantage of
a night out.
before doing so,
maddy practiced her moves.
headed off to see
a band i’d seen
multiple times with
liz
(one of the few shows to which i didn’t have to drag her).
and this was
the first show
i have been to
alone since
she
died.
i reminded myself
that i’d gone to
shows alone for
years, but this
was the first time
i felt truly alone.
…
found a friend,
and a friend of
a friend,
and spent the show
hanging out with them.
it was well worth
the trip.
we decided that
we should make a
stop at bar
on wilshire before
heading home.
i managed to enjoy
the evening.
wednesday.
another day.
hit amoeba with
maddy and new
stranger friend, brianna.
maddy lasted about
25 mins before
she not-so-gently
let me know
it was time to
head home.
she passed out
in the car
and barely moved
as i transferred her
from car to crib.
i spent
my evening writing,
before falling asleep
on the couch.
thursday.
posted those photos
and immediately got
shit from the bastard
and gentle ben
for the outfit i
put madeline in.
the thing is,
i hate bob marley
(yeah, i know, i know)
and my friends know it,
but that dress looked
nice on maddy
and it was a
gift from grandma candee,
so i told them to
kiss my ass.
later that afternoon
i went to
pick madeline up
from daycare,
and when i arrived
she was eating dinner.
nothing remarkable about
that, really, except for
the fact that
she was sitting on
a picnic bench
with no back support,
no restraints,
and she was eating
all by herself,
and drinking milk
from a glass.
wow.
i really underestimate
this kid of mine.
at home she is
constrained to her
high chair and she is
using a sippy cup
to drink her liquids.
i stood off to
the side, but well
within her line of vision,
and watched for 40
minutes as she sat
with the rest
of the big kids at
the table.
not once did
she reach or
cry out for me.
she just sat
there and ate.
i was amazed.
i smiled when she
lifted the glass
of milk to her
face and poured
some of it
into her mouth,
and the rest of it
into her nose and
down the front of
her dress.
eventually she finished
up and we headed
to one of
liz’s
favorite restaurants
to meet our friend,
laura and her sister and niece.
had a great meal and
a great evening
talking with everyone.
drove home and again
transferred maddy from car
to crib without
any movement.
i was asleep before 10:30.
friday.
we both did
our usual weekday
stuff before heading home
to visit with
liz’s
cousin, natalie and new baby,
as well as natalie’s sister-in-law, jessica.
maddy reminded her
new cousin of
her older brothers
by trying to poke
out her eye
and “pat” her on
the head.
later we went outside
and the girls played
in the yard.
we, the proud parents,
tried to get
a photo of
the cousins
and here’s the best
one that i got:
(yeah. maddy tried to bite her cousin’s finger off. and that stuff in the background? the contents of natalie’s diaper bag, emptied out by madeline).
we said goodbye
then headed off
to pick up a
pizza for dinner.
driving up hyperion,
i saw a bus
and for some
odd reason,
i thought of
liz.
a bus?
what the hell?
we were never
on a bus together
in los angeles.
in fact, the last
time we were
on a bus together
was in 2004
on our way from
kathmadnu to pokhara
for a trek in the himalayas.
sometimes this shit
hits at the weirdest times.
…
picked up our
pizza and headed home.
maddy had already
eaten and was ready
for bed when we got
home, so into
the crib she went.
not long after,
michele stopped by
to deliver some
brownies and beer,
payback for a good deed.
we talked for
a while and then she
raced home to
make sure her daughter
made it back before curfew.
i fell asleep on my couch
waking up at 4:30,
and finally heading to bed.
saturday.
got up and
had breakfast.
maddy took a short
nap after breakfast,
then we were off
to get a birthday gift
for the party
that afternoon.
this is one of
those situations where
i really miss
liz.
i mean, i was never
the gift buyer
in the family.
i’ve known about this
party for weeks,
yet i’m rushing out an
hour before the party
starts to buy a gift?
what an idiot.
found what i wanted
and stood in line
to pay for it.
sign on the cash register
reads something like,
“no, we do not gift wrap, but you can take the price tag off. but don’t leave it on the counter for us to clean up.”
(damn hipster toy stores).
shit.
i didn’t even think
about wrapping this thing.
at least they gave
me a bag.
made it half
way to west covina
and realized i probably should
have bought a card.
pulled up to the
party and was
walking in and realized
i didn’t even write
anything on the bag
to indicate
the identity of
the gift givers.
saw the mother of
the birthday boy,
jessica k,
and said,
“uh, this white bag is from maddy”
madeline immediately
made herself at home,
splashing away
in the pool.
got to spend some
time with a bunch of
familiar faces,
including rhonda,
anna and bob.
maddy spent most
of the day in bob’s arms
(she’s quite fond of him)
which meant i got
to rest my arms.
after the party
we went back to our
house and both took
incredibly long naps.
had a nice
dinner at home
then decided that
it was time to
do what i’ve been avoiding…
maddy’s been given
a bunch of really
awesome music
( i absolutely hate most music made for kids, but this stuff is amazing)
and i had this
plan to get them
all onto an
ipod for her so
she can listen to
them while she
goes to sleep at night.
problem is, i don’t think
i need to buy my
15 month old
child a brand new
ipod, and i know that
liz’s
ipod has been sitting
unused in her
purse since
she died.
so tonight…
i went into
her closet,
found her purse at
the bottom, and as
quickly as possible,
fished through it
until i found what
i needed.
…
i plugged the
ipod in and
i sat down in
front of my computer.
the ipod appears
on my computer
and the first thing
i see, is a playlist,
the only playlist
on the thing.
now…i am the
the person who loaded
her ipod with music
(except when she downloaded all the terrible shit she really liked from the itunes store),
and i was the one
who created that playlist.
the title?
“i miss you”
…
i made that playlist
for her when i left
for my last trip
to india.
…
filled some of
the empty space
with music that
maddy loves,
and put her in
her crib to the
sweet sounds of lullabye versions
of johnny cash tunes.
my night was
spent writing.
it is now a
little after
2:00am and i think
it’s time for me
to go to bed.
187 Comments
Maddy is lucky to have such a good dad. Good job with the Johnny Cash tunes. Is she big enough for Yo Gabba Gabba yet? It’s my favorite. Oh yeah. And I ‘m pretty sure you are a major hipster. Just the kind that likes babies. Don’t deny it.
@Lourdes
me a hipster?
i’m honored.
Sounds like the good moments out numbered the bad. I am going to check out the kids music you were talking about. It sounds promising…
Eating and drinking while she sits all by herself? Walking (when she wants to)? She really is getting so big!
I loved the Bob Marley dress, too, btw. Ha.
Did y’all get a new camera? Some of those pictures were crystal clear.
Yep, definitely a hipster
She is growing into such a beautiful happy child Matt; you are doing an awesome job….
Hey, the brown dress with the flowers, that’s Canadian made, isn’t it? I just bought it for my girl the other day…
Sounds like you guys do a lot of traveling. I’m in my 30′s and never been on a plane…crazy, eh? It’ll happen someday.
I’m new here, just saying hi again. Maddy is down right adorable. Hope y’all have a blessed week.
Kelli at ugottafriend.com
Always enjoy your pictures and am unexpectedly (not sure why since it happens all the time) moved by your writing. Now, how did your one year old learn the whole cup thing? Mine likes to dump it on me, his brothers, or most often himself, on purpose. Thinks it’s funny. I disagree. Sippy cups for life.
You’re doing a great job, Matt – cards & tissue paper don’t count for shit. As you have learned since you lost Liz, the real measure of a friend is who shows up even when showing up hurts. You still show up. You’re amazing, and I feel relieved to know Maddy has you in this rough, tough world.
I love the picture of maddy holding her sippy cup no your front porch
she really has grown a lot. walking talking..and even drinking milk from a GLASS?
bet you had a wonderful time meeting the Mck Family!
God bless and good morning
Regarding kids’ music, do you know about dan zanes? We’re huge fans of his around here. I even enjoy it when the kids aren’t in the car.
It’s 4:50 AM & I am up feeding my daughter while reading about you & yours. Interestingly enough, she nursed from the first word to the last word and then passed back out. Thanks for sharing your latest journey. I enjoyed reading it here by the light of a night light and the sound of white noise in the wee (& way too early) hours of the morning.
I hate kid’s music too. My 4-yr-old cousin has this one that goes, “Lookie lookie! We’re doing the mouse cookie!” Over. And over. And over. Whoever wrote that thing must have HATED adults.
I’m also going to check out the kids music you mentioned…one can never have enough good kids music!
ya’ll lead such a busy life.
She looks like such a big girl,sitting at that table at school.
Hope you had a good father’s day.
She’s drinking out of a cup before she’s walking! That’s awesome. Oh, and I like that you let her practice sitting in the chair with her open cup of milk at home.
Sounds like there were some rough spots over the last couple of weeks, but lots of good ones as well. I’m glad you got Liz’s iPod out for Maddy…I know that was probably really hard. You’re doing great.
Looking forward to more details on your book!
Hi Matt – started reading your website after seeing you on Oprah (!) while I was on maternity leave (!!). Who’d have thought Oprah would introduce me to blog I like. Anyway – keep up the amazing work and writing and pls. email if Maddy ever wants a Central Park playdate with a younger man (currently 4.5 months). All best.
Even though you hate Bob Marley, I still love your blog.
And that dress is adorable. Your pictures are amazing and I never stop feeling awestruck by your strength. You are doing such a great job with Maddy.
I have a 14 month old, and we say the same thing about her walking. She could totally do it, but she’s just lazy!
The lullabies are awesome!
My almost 17 month old son watched the video of her dancing and started dancing as well, and kept pointing at the video and saying hi – I’m fairly certain if we lived in LA Maddy would have another boy vying for her attention!
My 1 1/2 yr old daughter likes to “read” your blog with me, okay, she really loves to see Maddy’s pictures. We are local Minnesotans and I slightly considered coming to the pool party as I new my little one would love hanging out with another kiddo…but I didn’t want to be another “creeper”. haha. Sounds like you had a busy few weeks, like always. You’re a great Dad, Maddy is a very lucky and beautiful little girl.
For kids music that didn’t drive us nuts, my husband and I found Tom Chapin’s children’s CDs to be quite entertaining!
One of the best posts ever…between the videos (loved the drinking from a cup) and commentary.
Do you ever wonder what Maddy’s going to be like when she’s an adult? Her taste in music is so much better than “Old MacDonald” even now, so she’ll probably be really cool when she’s in high school. Or she’ll totally rebel and start listening to singers like Miley Cyrus. Except that it’ll be someone new because by then Miley will be one of those has-beens on crack.
You are an awesome dad.
What a great (and long) post! It’s awesome to catch up on what you guys have been doing the last little while. Maddie is as sweet and adorable as ever and you are looking pretty good too!
Keep on keeping on…
P.S. Stay away from Yo Gabba Gabba! That dude is seriously scary!
Matt, I read all of this and tears continue to fill my eyes. Life is sad, unexpected and rough. As I read how much you miss and love your wife, the thoughts of my husband and how very much I miss him comes to my mind. Wait, did I say, comes to my mind? He NEVER leaves my mind. The MISSING him NEVER goes away. The heartache and gut wrenching pain eases at times but it is always in the background. You are right, this shit hits you at the strangest times, and it hits hard. Knocks me back quite a few steps, and then again I bring my husband to the forefront of my mind and try and pull myself together for him. I do everything for him, I want to make him proud of me and I want everyone to know that he made the right choice when he married me. You are a wonderful man and father. I think you dress Maddy exceptionally all the time, no matter who is on the front of the dress. She’s a beautiful little girl. I don’t know that I can ever use the word “lucky”, but you are very fortunate to have her. You both seem to keep so busy which I’m sure helps to keep the “down” times to a minimal. I have a lot of “down” times. No one to take care of and no where to go. Life SUCKS. Ok, gotta go find one of the MANY boxes of tissues I keep on hand here. You are in my thoughts. Hugs to you, Lorry
WOW, what a busy last couple of weeks! Maddie is adorable…loved her dancing and drinking out of a cup.
Keep on keepin’ on Matt. Your Maddie is one lucky little girl.
Hi Matt. First time poster here. I have a daughter one month older than Maddy and love your blog. I wish there were adequate words to express what your words have made me feel and what they have taught me. I am so sorry for your loss, and so humbled and inspired by the way you seem to be carrying it. (On a lighter note, Maddy is approaching the age where the airlines will require her to have her own seat and carseat while flying — bummer. I have something called a sit ‘n’ stroll, a combination carseat and stroller that I don’t have much use for. Since you do so much travelling, it’s yours if you are interested. Let me know and I can get it to you.)
Screw getting wrapping paper dude, use the ‘it’s bad for the environment’ line. Scribble on the gift, nouveau I reckon, and you don’t really need to get a card either.
As an aside I’ve taken to buying presents in batches. With Madeline’s popularity, you may have to consider bulk purchases into the future.
You are doing a great job! Target has some great kid tumblers that would be easier for her to drink out of. The straw cups are also a good transitions. We have a booster that my 22 month old sits in that raises her up and makes it easier to sit at the table (we are cheap, never had a high chair and we just took the tray off so she can eat at the table). You can also sit her on a phone book to get her more at level with the table. You probably know all this, just stuff I have learned along the way. But really, you should talk to some new Dads as they really could learn alot from you. 9 times out of 10 when my husband dresses my daughter, I am guaranteed that her shirt and underwear are on backwards- matching is not even in the picture for him.
omg i love the videos and the attempt at drinking from the “cup”. really wish i could have made the pool party; i will someday meet maddy when you guys are here in the MN.
speaking of the MN, will you have a liz run/walk memorial again this year??!??!?!? i believe it was last sept and i had plans but if i could, i’d like to plan ahead and not miss it if you have it this year.
Thank you for writing. The mistakes you fear you’re making…they make me feel better about mine. The grief you’re going thru…it comforts me in my own.
Where do you get the energy??? You are amazing everytime I read this blog I feel uplifted from what ever mood I am in…..congrats Daddy!!!!
Definitely get her into the cool music now! My ears are bleeding listening to hannah montana and high school musical for my girls who are 7 and 5. Maddie looks great!!!! And, my daughter could walk, but didn’t because of sheer stubbornness. Walking is much harder on the parents!!! You are doing a great job!
Hey Matt!
Looks like Maddy is pretty indepentent! My 29 month old still drinks from a sippy cup! oops…maybe I should get on that!! I love the videos! So cute~ The pictures are awesome as usual!! You are great at taking pictures of life!
Im so sorry you had such a hard time at the wedding, even if it was some what enjoyable. It had to be one of the hardest things you have had to do. I have to say that you are alot stronger than some, it is alot easier to just embrace the paralysis.
I have to ask a really “stupid- I must be out of the loop question” What is a hipster? I am thinking it is a media influenced person, that hates kids…right?? Ha! I really need to get out more!!
Anyways love your post, beautiful writing as usual!
Beautiful writing as always.
Hey, I know absolutely nothing about photography, but I am semi-trying to learn – I was wondering, do you edit all of your photos? Or do they naturally turn out that way? They are SO beautiful! : )
Matt,
Thanks for making me laugh and cry all in the same post! You are excellent at that. I’m looking forward to your book.
What I love about your posts is that you take me to your world, which is so different and yet so similar to mine (My husband died suddenly on March 20th/09. We have two sons, 11 & 12). I can totally relate to the feeling of thinking about our missing partner at the oddest times. And I recently gave my son my husband’s iPod, which was heartwrenching.
Thank you for your honesty and for the laughs. And for sharing Maddy with us. She is a sweety! Have a good Sunday.
AWESOME kids music:
http://www.amazon.com/Jazz-Kids-Sing-Wiggle-Shake/dp/B0001KAA86/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1246198077&sr=8-2
http://www.amazon.com/Here-Come-ABCs-DVD-Combo/dp/B000BEZPSC/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1246198117&sr=1-2
http://www.amazon.com/Taxi-Music-Aardvarks-Other-Animals/dp/B000LAZDS8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1246198199&sr=1-1
Hey Matt,
Nice installment. I just love the outfits you put on Miss M. She is stylish for sure. Growing up big. Love the ipod songs. Smart thinking.
Hi Matt & Maddy – Loved the update, loved the pictures! Have a peaceful Sunday, an excellent week………
Love from Phoenix
Oh let me warn you – dont play her music in the car for her. I did it once and now my daughter rules the radio in the car – avoid this at all costs. I second Yo Gabba Gabba I love that show and the CD is awesome.
Those are my favorite pictures of you and Liz…
interesting read as always! Love the pictures. You are still doing a great job with your beautiful little girl!! Isn’t it amazing how they amaze us each day with the new things they do!?!?! (ie the sitting without support at teh big kids table!)
Maddy is an incredibly lucky little girl to have such a doting daddy. And you always dress her SO cool!!
Think I need to look into that music. My 11 month old is really excited by all things musical, and I’m dreading her discovering most of what is out there for kids!!
Think I would have been inconsolable re. the playlist… I’m so sorry that someone as obviously beautiful (through and through) as Liz should ever be missed. My heart hurts to think of you and your beautiful Maddy being without her. And gosh, Maddy looks like her mommy!! Stunning. I feel sorry for you already for what you shall surely go through once she hits dating age!!
You seriously rock =) What an awesome daddy!
Joey wants to thank Maddy for the awesome present, and he can’t wait to play with it! Also, we love the Rockabye Baby music! We have Nine Inch Nails, The Cure, Smashing Pumpkins and Led Zepplin. The music is hilariously cute.
It was really nice to see you guys, and I’m glad Maddy had a good time!
Lucas and I had a fabulous time at the pool party. Thanks again for the invite!
What was the music you loaded for Maddy? It sounds like something I need to add to Lucas’s ipod as well.
One thing that I’ve learned since my husband died, is that it truly does take a village. You are keeping all the people important to Liz (and to you) in her life. It’s an amazing feat and takes a ton of energy, emotional and otherwise.
Oh, and Lisa Loeb has a kids CD out called “Catch the Moon”. Check it out.
Enjoyed reading about your recent adventures!
Dancing at breakfast RULES!
My son loves Rockabye baby as well. You may want to check out Hot Peas ‘N Butter for Maddy–I don’t mind listening to their third CD (Mo Hotta Mo Butta).
Wow…you guys are busy, busy, busy! I love the pictures and videos. She is getting so big! Great job, Maddy, on the sitting on the picnic bench and eating like a big girl! Isn’t it amazing that the smallest things that they do blow our minds? The other day my two-year-old son told me to go to my room. Instead of correcting him, I had to laugh. You’re doing great with her, and her happiness just glows in every picture. ; )
What a wonderful idea for a shower gift when “need” is not part of the equation.
As the grandmother of seven, I’ve followed your story with love and compassion. As an avid reader, I’m excited about your upcoming book.
Hugs.
That was so sweet watching her drink from that bottle/cup. Way to go Maddie!
Looks like your time in Mn. was mostly enjoyable and nice but I think this was also the first time that you wrote it was good to be home, back in L.A. I remember your posts when you dreaded coming home and being alone…well not really alone, you know what I mean. Glad Madeline has brought so much sunshine to your life.
Cheers!
another week+ down. thanks for sharing. i suggest you get Maddy a booster seat for the kitchen table so you can sit together for meals, that way she’s still strapped in, otherwise there will be some falls. like this one… http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2861764
also, you (and some others) have inspired me to start my own blog. thanks.
I lost my father this month (13th)…saw you on Oprah…been looking for your posts since. Though our pain is different in some ways…it is similar in the loneliness of death. I have been waiting to read your writing I suppose as a way of “misery loves company” or something like that. I wish you and your daughter much happiness. Just wanted to write and say “Thank You” for sharing your story and letting others know that we are not a lone. I will continue to move forward for the sake of my children…but my loss is never far from my mind.
Rockabye baby music is incredible! We have George Strait, The Eagles, and Jimmy Buffett. I think you can download most of the CDs from Amazon for like $7.
I wish they made that black dress with the flowers in MY SIZE! Love love love it.
Love love love the videos of Maddy. Please post more of them! For those of us who haven’t gotten the chance to meet either of you (can you travel to Ohio again sometime by the way?), it’s a way to “get to know her” as she’s growing up. Can’t wait until she is running all over the place, that’s the video I am holding out for!
Sounds like a very busy week for you. Maddy has grown so much since I’ve been reading your blog. I can’t believe you’re brave enough to let her drink out of a cup w/out a lid! lol I cringed watching that video. Both of my girls were 2 1/2, almost 3 before they had cups with no lids, lol. I hope this next week is a great one!
Wow, you have been busy! Some kid music isn’t too bad, actually. You’ll find soon enough that it’s her music playing in the car and you’ll sing along…. even when she’s not in the car with you.
She’s such a big girl, sitting at the table with “the big kids”. She was probably elated to be there with them. You’re such an awesome Daddy for allowing her to stay and enjoy it and take it all in with her. It made me happy to read that part of the post.
You’re so strong, Matt. All the things you’ve been faced with in the past few weeks. Memories, familiar places and faces. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that must be for you. But I know that it’s all part of this process we must face called grief, mourning and healing. Take some down time and get more sleep! No wonder you got sick-not enough sleep+too much emotional stuff=sick anybody! I hope the writing is going well and that you and Maddy have a really great week!
Damn, Matt. Keep up the good work. Maddie adores you, and Liz would be so, so proud.
Maddy is beautiful. She’s the image of Liz.
The videos of her dancing are the cutest thing ever!
You truly are an incredible dad, a blessed writer and an amazing photographer (well, except of the pictures you take with your blackberry (-;).
Sounds like Maddy has inherited your fabulous taste in music. I had no clue there were lullaby versions of Johnny Cash music.
Matt-
I have been following your blog after I read about it in people magazine, whenever you post a new entry, it brings a smile to my day. I find it truly inspiring that you are such a great dad to Maddy even after you have gone through so much. Keep on doing what you’re been doing, I know she truly appreciates it. And I love all the cute outfits you put her in-great job!
Definitely a hipster! With some added secret ninja bonus qualities, like knowing how to change a diaper. Wish we had an Amoeba in Vancouver.
It sounds like you have been incredibly busy. I am sure Ms. Maddy will greatly appreciate Liz’s iPod. She is truly lucky to have a Dad like you, someone who cares and works hard to make sure she is happy. I don’t know you and I didn’t know Liz, but I’m sure she’d be so proud of you two.
You’re such a good father. Maddy is a very lucky girl.
She is going to treasure having all of these memories detailed from your blogging and also to know all of the pain and emotions you went through after losing her mom. What an important thing to give her.
Reading your blog makes me both smile and tear up. Maddy is so gorgeous and clever and you have the best adventures but the absence of Liz is so painful, for me as just a reader, and you live that every day. I’m so sorry she’s not there.
And I just wanted to say, how you’re living life right now with Maddy is truly inspiring. You make the most of every single minute with her- you take hold of your ‘new’ life… it’s really amazing.
Matt, you truly are an incredible father, a blessed writer and an amazing photographer (except of the pictures you take with your blackberry (-;)!
Ha, the story about the suit cracked me up. My dad has one gray suit from the late 80′s and still wears it to everything. It has been worn to weddings, funerals, parties, and events. He always says “why buy another one, this one still fits.” lol
I can’t believe how big Madeline is getting. I have been reading for quite some time and it has been a joy to watch her grow up and to seem so well adjusted and happy!
Sounds like you had a memorable trip to MN. I love all of the pictures, especially ones of Maddie. She’s a beautiful child. I think we all tend to underestimate the abilities of our children…sometimes we want to keep them young as long as we can. The Johnny Cash lullabies were fantastic! Wish I had found those when my little one was younger. So very cool. Although I only know what you choose to share, and I haven’t been reading your blog (thoughts) for very long…I think you are being a very good dad to Maddie. I can’t imagine being in your shoes, and I admire your ability to keep on doing, giving and living.
Matt, I love reading your blogs. You are truly an amazing father, and are such an inspiration to even me – a 19 year old University student. Maddy is always dressed to the nines, and you also do such cool things with her (like the iPod…what a good idea!…you’ll have to post a picture of that!)
The breakfast video was so cute!
Your comment about Madeline being such a big girl and drinking out of a cup and sitting at a picnic table made me smile. Its amazing the things our children do outside of our presence. I arrived at my 3y/o daycare just a few weeks back finding her putting on her own socks and shoes. I was amazed! MY child doesnt know how to do that. The daycare lady just smiled at me. Now, she does it all on her own every single day :0)
She is truly turning into a Toddler. You are doing such a wonderful job Matt!!
HATE Bob Marley? Really? I don’t think I have ever heard that come out of anyone’s mouth before….I have to rethink the reading of this blog now..LOL JK!
As for kids music you need to check out Dan Zanes! I listen to it even when the kids aren’t in the car.
http://www.danzanes.com/pages/news.php
They do alot of traditional songs with some great musical guests I think you will approve of
Great pics again. Looks like a great time with family and friends. Maddy is doing so well becoming such a big girl. Wow, it flies. Keep up the great work Matt, you are an awesome awesome dad.
I have to say that I’m disappointed in your hatred of Bob Marley…I never figured you to be the type.
Anyway…I can’t believe how fast Maddy is growing. She’s such a beauty…and you’re such an awesome daddy.
Beautiful.
Having never been there myself, I don’t know at all what grief is like. But, I would guess that fighting the ‘paralysis’ you describe would be far more difficult than embracing it. You have made an amazing life for you and Maddy.
Sending you and Maddy a HUGE cyber hug.
I absolutely adore the video of Maddie eating breakfast. Thank you for sharing it. I can see why she makes you smile, because she has that effect on me too!
Your girl is really growing up! You’ve inspired me because I have such a bad problem letting my 2 year old do things that I know will make a mess. I have recently started letting him eat his yogurt himself. He is still not good with a spoon and it is an awful mess, but I realize now that it isn’t a big deal and am just happy that he eats really well with a fork. I mad the mistake of getting him some of those little cups with the straws a few months ago. He then insisted on always drinking with a straw which frankly just started getting annoying. So, now I just leave the lids with the straws off or give him a sippy cup without the lid. Always a mess, but I remind myself that it is important to let him grow up. You are doing a great job and seem so very patient.
My dad is somewhere in heaven thanking you for introducing me to the lullaby johnny cash…he would tell you that he was afraid my bun in the oven would have never been exposed to real music.
Johnny Cash reminds me of my grandpa that also passed away. My grandpa was the man in black, and lived life in that rugged no bullshit sort of way. I’m glad Maddy will get to hear those lessons too.
Thanks for sharing your story, it means a lot to know that someone (you) can survive through the worst.
What a journey —
Maddi is incredibly beautiful —
Your mourning process is so real in your writing —
Loving reading about it all –
I’m always amazed by the stuff my kids do at daycare that they aren’t even close to doing at home. That said, I think we ditched the highchair long before they ever will…
Maddy gets more and more beautiful with every post.
I love seeing how Maddy is growing up. It pains me to think how hard it must be for you to do it by yourself– I am so glad that you have friends and family surrounding you but I know that it can’t possibly make it too much better.
Probably one of the best posts I have read in a while, by anyone.
Love your blog, the pictures, the videos. You are truely doing a WONDERFUL job with Maddy. Looks like it’s time for the big plastic bibs with the pocket that catches spills and food. Will save alot of clothes from getting stained. Hugs to you both!!
Love the picture strip of you and Liz..so very sweet. You can feel your love. I can also feel an empty burning feeling when you talk about missing her. You are a gifted writer…I just wish you didn’t have such pain and sorrow to share. Love that Maddy…She reminds me so much of my Clare (16 mo). Must be the age…and the beautiful face!
Just precious.
Be well.
Much love, you’ve had another hard couple of weeks.
Save the playlist, Maddy will love to hear what her mom loved later on in life, trust me.
As for her eating, so awesome. Buy her a $15 booster seat, so she can reach her food a little better, and be rid of the high chair. You’ll love the space, she’ll love her freedom.
Bravo to you for confronting the unbearably painful. This indicates to me (and I hope to you) that you will be okay. It will always hurt, but it will be bearable. Big hug coming at you from the NYC!
Kudos for letting her practice drinking out of a cup. As for using a spoon, the more she practices the better she’ll be and you’ll be able to eat with her instead of after. There is also nothing wrong with nude (with diaper) dining at home if the laundry seems to get a little much. With my kids, we each had a spoon so I was sure he/she got enough to eat and he/she was able to practice as well. Good luck.
She is growing so fast, it is amazing.
Walking, feeding herself, sitting on a bench…sheesh.
How is the book writing process coming?
Now you need a little booster to clip onto the kitchen table so she’s lifted to table level! What a big girl.
hey matt – i was in the los feliz area yesterday for random pictures and i thought of you & maddy since i think you guys live in the area? anyway, can’t believe how big maddy is getting with each picture you take – you’re doing a great job! sorry to hear about how hard it was for you to go back for the wedding.
Wow. I will have to read your entry over a few times to take it all in. I agree, you need to allow yourself to return to places to walk through the range of emotions and if your not ready, all those places will still hold the same memories. So all in time.
Wow going through Liz purse must be difficult. I wish you had posted her list of music she downloaded from itunes. I am so into downloading from itunes too, what is the deal geezzzz. I would like to know her taste in music. I think she would have been playing some Michael Jackson this weekend too, just a thought.
i second (or third) the dan zanes. and the jack johnson curious george album. (the kids sang a song from this album at my 5-yr-old’s pre-K graduation. dear god, it was cute.) and to a lesser extent, laurie berkner… kinda annoying, but friggin’ catchy as hell. there are also a bunch of african kids’ albums that are great.
madeline is getting so big. she looks just like liz to me in that first pic of her looking out the window. so so gorgeous.
maybe Madeline LOVES bob Marley.
Maybe she will grow up to be a dreadie California red wood tree sitter.
and all the Jonas brothers you can muster wont prevent it.
I also agree that you are a hipster.
or bare minimum- some urban-neo-hipster concoction.
I would love to swim around with Madeline one day….
My daughter loves those CD’s, we have a bunch of them and we burned a mix CD since we as well were not going to buy an ipod for our 16 month old. I hope she likes it!
I read your weeks, and I see myself doing those things, feeling the same feelings over the past 3 years. I still go to the same Church where my late husband worked, sometimes it is sooo damned hard to get myself through the door and into a seat without tearing up. It’s what I have to do to heal though.
Continued prayers,
May I just say I love that you take a picture of her on the porch every day. And I also enjoyed watching you on Oprah. You are a fantastic dad and Maddy is blessed to have you for a dad.
Love this. This post makes me laugh and then seconds later makes me teary eyed. I love your writing and Maddy is such a sweetheart. Lucky girl to have you as a dad.
Hi mate
Maddy looks gorgeous in all her outfits! Bob Marley or not!
Maddy is getting so big! My goodness!! and you know, sometimes it takes a bit of time to realise the progress your child is making or has made. My 4yo stepson is that way. I’m relatively new to parent thing too so I’m constantly amazed by how much he’s growing. He’s like a weed, honestly! Just going up and up and up!
Hope you’re enjoying the summer days
Just wanted to say hi. Great post. Can’t imagine reaching into Liz’s purse. That takes a lot of courage.
That Bob Marley dress is really too cute on her, so it works
I always have to have music on while I’m falling asleep, so I hope Maddy enjoys her “new” ipod sleep soundtrack.
Hey Matt! I work downtown and everytime I pass the building with the green windows (now purple) I always think of you because you posted the pic before. When it changed to purple I thought about telling you but I see you found it.
Teared up to read about your playlist for Liz…proud of you Matt!
you are one of the coolest dads I know!
Amazing how fast they grow up, huh? Your daughter is beautiful! 
Love all the pictures of Madeline, but I have to say that my favorite is the one where you’re giving her a kiss after she walked to you. So sweet.
Matt you are a great dad.. I love reading your blog, it makes me feel happy and sad all at once. You and your little girl are incredible, I’m sorry Liz is not here to enjoy the 2 of you.
The breakfast video is adorable! I laughed when she poured the milk down her chin, so cute, and what a big girl.
I call it… next week in the mail…
Itty Bitty Teeny Bikinis for Miss Mads, and a new suit (or three) for the hipster dad.
I LOVE the videos of Maddy! So cute that she can drink from a cup! Getting so big!
Another good post. Lots of great pics and videos. The breakfast scene made me giggle out loud. That’s no small feat since most of the time when I type LOL I’m really not LingOL.
Thanks for posting the Rockabye lullaby site. I went and listened and almost fell out mah chair when I saw Coldplay and the Cure. This is perfect.
Awww Matt, I feel you on staring at your child eating among the ‘big kids’. At 22 mos., my son has turned into such a little boy and I’m left thinking, “Where the hell’d my baby go?!” Also…I feel you on the baby tunes, we’re determined to make Cayden the child with the best music taste in school too, but I can also recommend http://rockabyebabymusic.com/ I love the Radiohead album, my husband says it clearly shows how complex the band is.
this is my first blog comment, but i have @ replied you on twitter! anyway – i love, love your pictures — maddy is a gorgeous little girl.
i’m not sure if you’ve heard of the terrible twos (the music group, not the age!), but matt pryor of the get up kids/new amsterdams apparently also hates kids music, so he wrote some of his own. http://www.myspace.com/theterribletwosband maybe maddy will like it.
I was doing so well til you wrote about the ipod. Now, I’m a blubbering mess at work. But, it’s OK! My heart just always goes out to you. What perfect music for Maddy to fall asleep too.
I’m sorry you had to come face to face with that place from 4 years ago. I bet that had to be harder than even your words could explain.
My words won’t ever make it better but, I always think of you and that beautiful baby girl.
Wow! Sounds like June has been pretty good for you and Maddy. The memories I’m sure are bittersweet! That’s so nice that you kept Liz’s playlist and added Maddy’s. That’s a nice keepsake for Maddy when she gets older! Loving all the pictures of Maddy! Sending you and Maddy hugs! XX Keep writing and sharing….and can’t wait till your book release… I’ll definitely be there!
Liz is wherever she is, thanking her freaking lucky stars she married you. I know it.
I was recently turned onto your blog by my husband. Our youngest daughter was born on 4/9/08. It’s so great to read your blog and see how Maddy grows from month to month. Your story is heartbreaking, yet very inspiring. Your blog makes my feel like a lazy ass. It’s brilliant. Can’t wait to see & read more.
I am watching you on Oprah, here In Australia as we speak. Stay strong, keep up the great work.
Matt, you are an inspiration…I just watched your story on the Oprah Winfrey Show and I couldn’t stop crying (I’m in Australia so I’m not sure how far behind we are with her shows)….I felt like I wanted to post a message to you to tell you that my mum died when I was a little girl and my dad raised me and I turned out just fine! I miss my mum every single day. I am 34 now but there is not a day that goes by when I don’t think about her. I talk about her to my 3 children so that she is never forgotten. I had such a great Dad just like you who was dad and mum at the same time although he didn’t dress me as well as you dress Maddy. He is such a special person to me and I couldn’t imagine life without him….I look forward to keeping up with your updates.
Have you heard of Bunny Clogs? It is Adam Levy of the Honey Dogs catering his artistic love towards children. They actually perform in Mpls still sometimes.
for the record… i do believe the only reason you DIDN’T get the bacon waffle is because I ordered it first…
Sounds like a loaded week of fun and memories, some sad, some not so sad. Kids do amazing things, don’t they? Maddy is growing up so fast.
The baby tunes? They rock! I got a ton of those CDs as shower gifts and I’ve been playing them on rotation on Connor’s iPod since he was born. I’m quite fond of them, as is Connor. He actually recognizes the regular versions of some of the songs when he hears them. Maddy will love them!
Hope you two are doing well. Hope to see you really soon!
Hi Matt. Have just watched you on Oprah (I’m in Australia) and just wanted to tell you how amazing you are. I’m a single Mum with 2 boys who are now 10 & 13. Their Dad walked out when they were 18months and 4. Your little girl is so lucky to have a wonderful caring Dad like you. I’m sure your wife is looking down on you with pride. You are in my thoughts.
Matt, I think you are an awesome dad, I found your blog through MckMama and I want you to know my heart goes out to you. But I also think Liz would be so proud of you and so will Maddie when she gets older!!
I think you need to come down to Texas though… I would love to see what pics you come up with in Dallas or Ft. Worth… plus Maddie needs some cowgirl boots
Aww Mady is so cute. Loved the video of her drinking from the cup. Totally something my 12 month old would do
Hey Matt, my daughter is a couple wks older than Maddy and we say the EXACT same thing about her–she could walk, but she’s just lazy!
Damn, a bacon waffle sounds amazing right about now.
Maddie looks like such a big girl sitting at the table!
hi matemy name is travis warren from nsw in australia i was watching oprah today in my lunch break man your story really hit home for me i have a now 13yr old daughter but when she was 3mths old her mother left us to fend for our self i was a man that loved going out working to put food on the table and keeping a roof over our heads when she left i was lost i had no one to help me i was in a strange town i didnt know any one so i gave it all up to be a single father i really do understand when you said your alive today becouse of maddy i feel the same my daughter saved my life aswell i talk to her about it and she cant see it. Im hopeing one day she will. and to make things worse skye had sleep apnia which ment she would stop breathing for no reason and there was nothing the doc could do for her i had to stay awake for her to watch her sleep . But there was light at the end of the tunnel she grew out of it at 8 mths old ppl told me that i was specialperson but just like you and thousands of other men i just did the right thing by my daughter ty for your sharing your story with us all email me back or look me up on face book travis warren from wagga wagga nsw australia thanks mate keep up the good work
um, she’s kind of amazing…. wonder where she got that from…
Yae…..Maddie is so grown up, sitting on her own to eat and drinking milk. In her defense, it’s challenging to drink from a bottle w/o a lid…it has a strange lip making it difficult to drink milk like a lady (try it Matt).
Maddie needs to graduate to regular plastic cups! You are doing such a wonderful job with Maddie. She is a true sweetheart! 
I love the pics in the warehouse district! You made them look beautiful.
Loved catching up on your previous few weeks…I’m tired just reading about all of your activities. But it’s good to be busy and have adventures with Maddie. My God, she is beautiful.
Matt -
A couple of practical suggestions:
- Keep a gift closet. Just go in one weekend and buy like, 15-20 gifts – all unisex. Then, wrap them all up in unisex/uniholiday wrapping (you know, like red paper w/white bow, etc.) and volia – birthday present disaster avoided.
- Invest in some ‘calling cards’ – you can get them at vistaprint. I have a some that say:
Thanks For Inviting Me To Your Party!
My Kids Name Here
Seriously – it’s da bomb – practical AND thrifty!
Hi Matt,
You’ve won so many hearts here in Australia. Maddi will surely be so proud having a DAD like you. To your Mom and Dad, great job in raising a GREAT SON like YOU.
I think it’s awesome that you got out Liz’s ipod for Maddy. It’s something of her mom’s and now she’s using it and enjoying it. That’s way better than a new one! Very cool move!
You are such an awesome dad. Very disappointed that we didn’t make the pool party in MN. Looks like you all had a blast. I will be heading right to the store after work to check out that music. my kids love listening to music before falling asleep!
My dad wore the same suit to his wedding in 1972,all the christenings of me and my 3 siblings,to the weddings of my older brother and sister,the christening of my niece and 2 of my nephews,and countless funerals.And then in December 2007,we burried him in that same suit,with the same shoes and tie.Just like him,that suit held a lot of memories.
When I saw the photo booth pictures of you and Maddy, I immediately thought of the photo booth pictures of you and Liz. LOVE it!
She’s just too cute-I love all her little outfits!
I love reading about your adventures with your beautiful daughter. I can’t wait to read the book!
You leave me speechless! Awesome job you are doing and awesome Bob Marley outfit. Maybe the music on my site will stir a comment from you …lol
Ah… kid’s music. I totally feel @Alexandra
‘s pain about the Mouse Cookie song. Avoid like the plague!
That said, I do like They Might Be Giants kid stuff. Doesn’t sound much different than their adult stuff, actually.
But for the most part, I’m of the opinion that if my favorite music is good enough for me, then it’s good enough for my kid, dammit!
She is adorable, even in the Marley Dress!
You are doing great. Healing is feeling…always remember that.
This is my first visit to your blog – heard of your story from Rockabye baby. You are truly inspiring.. You are an awesome dad with a heart of gold who tells it like it is – good bad and everything in between. I have the utmost respect for parents who have to continue on after losing a spouse – my mom raised my brother and I after losing my dad and while it would have been easy to hide under the covers and wish reality away – she didn’t.. She got up every day, provided for us – taught us the kind of people we should be and helped us remember our dad. You are doing the same thing for Maddy and you will be her hero for it.
I’ve spent over an hour reading your story (and could spend so much longer!) and my heart is so sad, glad, warmed and broken all at the same time. Not really sure what this post is supposed to say that others haven’t but just to tell you I think you are an amazing dad and you guys are a blessing to each other.
I love the Johnny Cash lullabye CD! I wonder if my 19 month old would like it?? He loves all kinds of music and dances too!
I have a lot of moments when I see him doing stuff that I didn’t know he could do or was time to do and am amazed and then feel like I’m treating him too baby-ish…lol!
I love the videos of Maddy. She is so adorable.
She’s got some smooth dance moves.
Totally get Maddy a booster seat for your kitchen table. Then she’ll be at the right height! That’s what my Maddie uses. You don’t have to use the tray section and she can then just eat at the table!
http://www.amazon.com/Eddie-Bauer-Level-Wooden-Booster/dp/B0026TRMPY/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1246298790&sr=1-2
Then get her some plastic type plates and some plastic cups, and some child size silverware and let her learn! When my Maddie was Maddy’s age, we’d just get her dressed for breakfast after we let her practice her yogurt spooning skills, etc, because it would end up EVERYWHERE! They also make plastic bibs that might help you out too! They have a little pocket in the bottom to catch the food.
http://www.amazon.com/Bumkins-Waterproof-SuperBib-Flutter-Floral/dp/B001D0U2Y0/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1246298891&sr=1-7
I found the bumpkins brand wash & dry in the washer/dryer and don’t fall apart like some other brands do.
a couple things. Isn’t is amazing what they can do that we don’t even realize? Patrick started sleeping on a cot at daycare instead of a crib, I can’t imagine! Also the eating with a plate thing is something he would never do at home. Question though, where did you get the sippy topper for your bottle? We have the born free bottles and it would be great to make them into sippys. let me know if you can. thanks!
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/28/fashion/28love.html?_r=1&ref=fashion
Read this story and couldn’t help but think of you and Maddy.
…Love your writing and your ability to make me laugh and cry with your simple words. Very impactful.
What a post, it had a little bit of everything, Maddy is growing so so fast, drinking from a glass and not a sippy cup? sitting without back support?? WOW that is impressive. You know, I think only a parent can wait 40 min for his/her own child to finish a meal just because watching her doing things like that bring joy to your heart, but only a good and sweet parent can. You are a hipster dad, yes, but a sweet one too. The pool party looked awesome, I imagine the grandparents had an awesome time with Maddy as well. I’m sorry to hear it was rough for you though, I don’t think I would have been able to go the same place where my wedding took place, you are so brave to do so, and such an INSPIRATION in so many aspects of your life. I enjoyed the video about Maddy dancing, so so cool and cute. Thanks fot sharing the link to those two awesome web sites. I mailed something on saturday for Maddy, it should be getting there this week, hope she enjoys it. Take care. (((Hugs)))
You sound way more bummed in this post than usual. Maddy is beautiful and it sounds like you’re doing a fabulous job with her. Take heart in that! Good luck with her working the spoon. Takes wicked skill. Hahaha!
lullabies of johnny cash tunes? awesome!
I remember showing up at a daycare early one time to pick up my daughter and she was outside sitting at the big picnic table with the older kids having her snack and drink like a big girl. I stood there and watched her for a while in complete denial of her growing up. =)
Love the Rockabye Baby! tunes as well. I stumbled upon them at the library one day. Wish they had them around when I had my daughter. For all the ladies, they make great background music for baby showers. =)
Matt,
I’ve been following your story from the beginning, but never posted a comment! I have to say, your just awesome. Such an inspiration to so many. My father passed away when I was 18 months old, and my mother didn’t have the strength to do what you have done. Maddy is one special little girl & you two will have the greatest, unbreakable bond when she gets older. I’m always rooting for you to find peace and happiness in this chapter of your lives.
PS: I work in commercial architectural design & I have fought like hell to have a diaper station put into ALL mens restrooms I work on!!!! It’s my little “Tribute to Matt & Maddy”! So if your ever happen to be at the baseball fields in Texas City, TX, there is a diaper station in the mens restroom waiting for you to use! I guess men down here in TX don’t ever change a damn diaper! Go figure!
Awesome pictures and post as always. Wilco concert – so green with envy! Your baby is growing up so quickly it seems!
Your writing, your pictures, your sentimentality- your beautiful baby girl… all just about tear apart my heartstrings. I mean that in the best way- it’s all just so damn beautiful. and sad. but happy at the same time because Maddy is joy. And you are a fantastic daddy, and she is so lucky.
Thanks for being so real.
AND! Love the Rockabye Baby.
Don’t stress about the walking, my daughter was born on March 4 2008 (so she’s 3 wks older I think?) and she’s still not completely walking unassisted. And you are right – she can, she’s just lazy! LOL…. Mia is the same way, she totally can but can crawl faster.
she sure does like yogurt….I love to see a happy eater of breakfast….she is so cute.
I really am sorry you are still grieving. Liz was beautiful. I’m so glad you’re doing your blog, Maddy will love reading it one day. It will really give her insight to how much you loved Liz, and how much you love Maddy. Love all the pictures, my favorite is the one where you are kissing Maddy on the head after she took her steps. Thanks for the link ups to the music, those are fantastic. Anything other than Crazy Frog! Thanks for saving me lol
Impressive with her eating skills!! You are a GREAT dad! Can’t wait for the book!
I love reading your posts. Maddie is so lucky to have such a fantastic Dad!
…You’re videos are so cute too, I love the way you talk to Maddie.
Your posts never fail to make me laugh and tear up at one point or another. I love them! Maddy’s eating skills made me smile with pride. She has grown up so fast. You dress her really well!! You’re so stylish! Good job
Glad you’re putting Liz’s iPod to good use. Maybe Maddy will learn to like her Mommy’s music one day?! Hope you’re doing well!!
Love, Mere
I find myself clicking on your blog on my favorites at least once a day and tonight the thought that came to mind is – man maddie is growing up too fast and I certainly hope that she never gets too old that she doesn’t want you to write your blog about her anymore – I love the video at breakfast
Weddings are brutal.
I’ve been to 5 since Greg died, and I’ve had a meltdown at each of them.
Nothing triggers me quite like a wedding.
I should give myself a get out of jail free card, but weddings are special. People put all they have into making them nice.
But I do let myself leave early, and skip into a quiet hallway for my meltdown.
I’m sure I’ll never go back to the location of our wedding, the happiest day.
Then again, along with “forever,” I’ve learned not to use, “never.”
See you in a few weeks in San Diego!
Melodie
Hey m&m,
I have been reading your blog, and feel tired just reading it.. you sure have a jam packed emotional day to day life- your daughter is gorgeous.
Took the link to the lullaby music shop and just bought 2 CDs- Coldplay and U2.
Sending to you and your little girl all my positive vibes.
-Ali
From Down Under (Sydney, Australia)
You are doing an excellent job mate..
P.S
Where do you get maddie’s clothes from?? they are beautiful..
For my son’s baby shower, we requested instead of cards that everyone bring him a book signed inside by their family. Ever since then, for every birthday we request that guests bring books in lieu of cards, signed by them, of course. My son is four and has 300+ books, all bought by friends and the coolest thing is when we read them, we get to think about the person who gave them to him! They’re the same price as a card, too! You should get Maddy’s friends books instead of cards. Just sayin’…=)
thanks for sharing all of it with us. my only point of curiosity beyond that which you have so openly shared is the flower on the porch step. it was there for two days of photos. i wonder if it’s just one of those things that happens that i noticed or if it holds some significance. and as i ask this question, i realize how ridiculous it sounds. it’s life in it’s most basic form. and i love it.
I do love the dress on her even it say I hate bob marley lol..
Your an amazing dad ..I just found you blog and I sorry for the lose of your wife….
I had a feeling those “real moments of struggle” would show their face. You made it through the night, though, and you produced some truly beautiful poetry in the process. Not sure if you noticed the mention of Liz in the program, but she was there… Thanks so much for being there, too, Matt.
LOOOVE the pic of Maddy and Derek ~ It was just too cute of a moment – glad SOMEONE got it on camera!!
Someday, when you and Maddy are even more famous than you are now – I’ll be showing Derek these pics & laughing at how patient he was while Maddy did her ‘flirting’!
Trust me you are NOT the only one who goes out an hour before the party to buy a gift. However, I do usually remember the card. When you got a lot going on I think most people cut you some slack on the details. Still loving your blog!
I am laughing at the fact that you hate most children’s music. Wait until Madeline is into Yo Gabba Gabba if she is not already. Talk about bizarre Euro pop music for the dancy dance segement but the kids just seem to love that show. I will say the Jack Black ep is the funniest.
Love Maddy’s outfits! You always put great things together!
Also, that was the second time in 2 months that I’ve heard of Wilco and I’ve never heard of them before. Looking forward to listening to them more.
Lastly, the ipod story killed me. Sat here and just cried.
so much to take in. truly touching. looking forward to what you have to say @ the conference. thanks for sharing.
WOW…that is pretty much all I can say to that post. I am at a loss for words (which is not a common occurance). You really are an inspiration on so many levels.
PS…do not and need i repeat do not let Maddy watch Gabba Gabba
I too love that “spilled” paint art. Do you know any more about it. And, I also hate Bob Marley. My one year old dances like Maddy. We’re all very lucky.
As your friendly neighborhood (ok, way out of the neighborhood) speech pathologist, I will gently remind you not to use earbuds. (OK, if you need to crank some Slayer, that would be an exception.)
That video of Maddy eating breakfast was adorable . . loved it – made us giggle!
Been trying to think of what exactly to say. I got emotionally caught up in between the photo booth pics, the telling of your experience at the wedding, and the ipod. The weight is heavy on my heart, so I can’t even begin to imagine what you are feeling.
As always, you continue to put one foot in front of the other and Madeline is the smiling proof of your success. Keep up the good work Matt.
Been lurking for awhile, but have never posted a comment. But when you said the thing about the ipod I thought I would share something. There is this great musical projector that bed bath and beyond sells, projects three different slides on the wall and ceiling, has a few different lullabyes it plays, and you can set the timer on it to go off automatically. My daughter loves it and it helps relax her at night. Thought I might pass along the tip. :O)
Great post, as always. Love how independent Maddy is getting. And even how confident she looks on the steps, holding her bottle up to her face with her adorable little chubby arm.
Maddy has the most beautiful blue eyes, I think I’ve been blinded by her sweet babiness and now that she’s becoming a little lady they’re more striking!
I’m also certain she’s much cooler than me haha, going to have to check out the lullabies.
As always, a treat to read what’s going on with you two.
Hi Matt,
Have you listened to the children’s CD “Snacktime!” by the Barenaked Ladies. It’s pretty damn good!
Let me know what you think.
My daughter was born in May 08…since seeing your little girl sit in a chair unrestrained, I decided I should try it out on my Kid. Success!! Thanks for the inspiration, because man, I had no idea!
great minds think alike.
i have been dying to get a picture of that same paint spill for at least a year, since driving by it weekly to my girly-girl’s dance class. there’s another pain spill just a bit farther east on the opposite side of the highway … maybe i’ll beat you to that one! (i definitely have an edge … i live here!)
it’s a race … you in?
(no cheating and having someone else find it for you, ok?)
We St. Bonifacius, MN. Logelin families are all wondering just exactly which Logelin family to you decend from? Your ancestors have to be from Boni (west of Minnetonka)..who was your Grandfather??What family did he come from. I have all the Pedigree charts, so I should be able to see just where you fit in…..Felix married Maria Blatz…they had 6 sons nd 3 daughters who became nuns. All the sons had farms round the town of St. Boni…you must be from one of those families…..Frank? John? Albert?(my family) Ben,
Joe, George….we just can’t figure it out….could you be from Frank Logelin of Minneapolis…the twin who was rasied by Felix after his mother died???
We are from Minnetonka…have been here for 50 years…where did you live….Please help us!
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