it’s related to mike’s blog post
i know them…
those thoughts,
those words.
stuck in my
mind constantly,
especially when it’s late
and my maddy is asleep,
and i’m left to think
about time and
the love i’ve lost.
it’s this song
that says it
better than me.
(song is called “for an hour with you” by j. tillman. it appears to be out of print, not on itunes or lala, so go buy one of his other records. you won’t be sorry. i promise).
94 Comments
i too understand that feeling, a minute can change everything. it only takes seconds to make a moment, a minute. in one tiny minute your whole world can change, for better of for worse…i’d give anything for just one minute just 60 seconds with my lost loved one. to do what, what can be done in such a short time? one more embrace, one more deep inhale of the smell, one more i love you, one more kiss…but really, really, if my lost loved one were placed in front of me for one more minute, i’d look at them and smile, laugh, share a couple shots of whiskey…toast to this life and thank whoever it is behind this whole thing for the minutes that we shared.
beautiful, sad, haunting song. teary eyed reading both yours and mike’s posts. if only we had the power to make those moments or hours possible…
Hey Matt,
I was just reading some of your past blog posts, which I do from time to time, and found one that I must have passed up. 4/17/08 Rip-off city (AKA unfairness). I just had to tell you that I think that you are doing a great job. You have shown Maddy places and things that you can’t learn in books. No amount of schooling can ever teach you things that a dad can teach a daughter. Keep up the good work! I can’t wait to meet ya in September.
I would do absolutely anything, give everything I have to give you and Maddy your beautiful Liz back and to give Heather and Mike their sweet Maddie back…if only for a moment.
You are all such incredible people. The way you share, unabashedly, is beautiful in its rawness. I don’t think I could ever be as strong. I can’t imagine what it takes to just keep going on, but it’s a testament to your spirit and Liz’s memory and all the adventures laying in wait for your brave and beautiful Maddy (traits that came from both of you)
Never ever stop doing what you do and being you. You touch so many.
<3
Also, that song. It’s just…so perfect. It captures everything perfectly.
I think I definitely need to go buy some of his music. That voice and the music. It hits in all the right places.
I hope rest and peace are with you tonight.
Thanks for sharing the song. Mike’s post…and yours remind me of things I don’t want to think about. But…need to. Not sure if that makes sense. Probably not. Nonetheless, that’s the truth. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m still wanting that one more minute — wanting another hour. I was pretty sure I had gotten to the other side of that feeling. Not so much. Didn’t want to think about it, but need to.
oh, Matt. Nothing useful to say but I’m sorry. It sucks, still, it really really does.
My crappy laptop speakers really didn’t do that song any justice, will need to hunt it a different way.
It is indeed ridiculously irrational thinking, but thinking that I am familiar with.
It always makes me sad to see the pain that you, heather and mike are all going through. All I can do is tell you that you guys are in my thoughts.
Hopefully one day that’ll help.
A minute, an hour- I could dwell on the things we do not have forever… I try to always remember the last minute we had together- before he was gone. Flicking each other crap making light of our situation and the brief nuzzle with Maggie strapped on between us making the goodbye hug impossible and that will always leave me with a smile and still haunts me all the same. I look at our little one and I light up, and my heart breaks because she shines just like her daddy. One year yesterday, he left home forever. I will always be grateful for the time we did have.
Beautiful Matt, sending my thoughts from across the sea.
I always seem to read your posts in the wee hours of the morning by the light of my Iphone, listening to the lullaby of my daughter’s mobile as I wish her back to sleep, with tears gently falling down my face. I am sure I am not the only one who wishes they could give you just one more minute with your precious Liz. The only thing I can offer is the hope that you see her in your dreams and wake with the memories of her still wrapped around you like a warm blanket on a cold night. Sweet dreams.
six months later i would love to have one minute back with my husband. but i know at the end of the minute i’d need one more. and so on.
thank you matt, thank you for sharing your inner thoughts and feelings, the best way you know how. i cannot wait to read your book, and i cannot wait to see what the future holds for matt and maddy! xx (oh and thanks for introducing me to j.tillman…)
i absolutely love coming here and seeing pictures of you and liz..or really just liz. it is cool beyond belief how much your daughter looks like her mother. i imagine it is like seeing baby pictures of liz. thank you so much for letting us all in on your every day life of love, laughter, and loss!
what if?
I wish it for Mike. I wish it for you.
I wish I had the power to give you both your minutes, hours, days, months, years again.
don’t we all wish we could have one more minute? i’ve said it to myself a thousand times. that, and “what if…” sucks to be in this group. this club. for once i wish i was on the outside looking in.
Thank you for sharing this gem of a song. I wish for you, seconds, minutes, hours, days…a lifetime of peace, for you and Maddy. You are amazing and so blessed to have this wonderful daughter…I’m proud of you as a father…
though i like the sound of this song, i must admit i can’t make out a lot of the words. i will have to google the lyrics…
time certainly is an interesting creature. we want it to go fast, we want it to go slow. but no matter what we want, as you said in a post some time ago….”time marches over us” and just keeps on marching.
beautiful song
Thinking of you. I know that feeling well myself and know how hard it is to work through. Even though I’ve never met you, Maddie or Liz…I’m missing Liz with you today.
Matt-
We are all incredibly fortunate to have you show us into your life in these brief posts. I know it has given me a greater appreciation for the simpler things in life and I am learning to take nothing for granted.
Maddy should be proud to have you as a wonderful father. Liz would be proud too.
Thank you for sharing your life with us
I believe that if you and Mike were given your requests for one more minute, you would both do more with it than those of us who have the luxury of taking all of our minutes for granted do. I wish you could have that minute, Matt.
I have rewritten this post about 4 times. Dude, you have a knack for making me cry! You write with such emotion and honesty that I not only feel for your story, but I tend to look inward and let the emotions of my own life come flooding in.
I’ve been there. I lost my dad when I was a kid. There are moments when I ache to have my dad around. Just for one moment. But then I think, if I did. If I got that one minute with him, and he left again, I don’t think I could handle that. Because, one minute/hour/year will never actually be enough to do everything I want to do or say everything I want to say.
If Liz could have 1 minute right now she would kiss Maddy and thank you for being a great dad.
such a sad song. his voice is so haunting. I too have a passion with lyrics and this one has really hit me today. I think and pray for you, maddy, and liz constantly. you are an amazing father. my husband cannot read your blog because he literally cries every time. He was almost you. i died giving birth to our son. i was in a coma for a week, but managed to be saved.
lots of good thought headed your way.
Luchy
What a very sad song (Sabrina said it best). It’s so hard to find the words to say. As I read your words, my heart breaks for you.
Oh, Matt:( A minute is nothing when you have it, and an eternity when you don’t. I’d gladly give up a minute with my husband to give you that minute with Liz….if only it were that simple:) I hope you manage to have a good day; I’ll be thinking of you and Maddy (and Liz) as I find myself frequently doing these days.
Beautiful post, beautiful song. Beautiful picture of you and Liz. Your story and the way you tell it has changed my view of life.
I do not appreciate both you and mike making me cry at 6:30am!! Lol. Your making me run last night’s eye liner!
I lost my fiance a year ago. I thought I’d stuffed all those feelings away into a place where I couldn’t find them. This blog opened the flood gates back up…
and i’m grateful for it.
I think everyone has one person they wish for just one more minute with. God knows I do.
My heart hurts for you both~ It’s amazing how you can feel such heartache that it brings you to tears for people you have never met! I wish you both had just one more minute! God!! What you would do to see the love of your life or what Mike and Heather would do!!
xoxoxox
(((((HUGS)))))
Beautiful song. I love seeing pictures of you and Liz.
Hugs to you Matt:)
you and mike both deserve more time. the song is heartbreaking and beautiful…
ugh! that feeling. that aching, longing feeling of wanting just another minute. I would do anything for another minute with Brett. it makes my heart hurt to even think of it.
it’s a pain that only those of us that have lost greatly and loved deeply can understand.
oh fuck – that is so sad. I am so sorry…
I told Mike the same thing but having I think having the fantasy of more time, even a minute, is like thinking about what you’d do if you won the lottery.
I live those moments over and over every day. Most of them, 21 months later, are pleasant. The sound of keys, a song, a belt buckle. Mike is right, I think. For hoping and wanting and listening.
Oh Matt…both you and Mike have had me in tears this morning. I wish I could give you both back the time that was stolen from you.
Liz may be gone but your love is not lost.
I wish i could give you (and mike and heather) that last minute.
Matt –
Been a reader since the beginning/end, but never commented. So many things (like little miss Maddy) are going wonderfully in your life and I’m so glad you are able to appreciate and enjoy them. But this reminds me how much sad-sad-sadness is behind it all. Bawling for you. And Liz.
Beautiful song. Thanks for sharing! When I read Heather and Mike’s blog, I think so much about you and what you are going through also. Hope you are doing well.
That is so fucking sad! Sorry for you pain! Not much more I can say…
Very sweet picture of you and Liz.
A minute… that’s why that dream meant so much to me. It almost felt like my minute… We will always want just one more minute, though.
What a cute picture of you guys!
If only we could give her back to you, take away your pain, we would in an instant. P.S. J.Tillman rocks!
Wow….speechless. My heart breaks for you and for Mike & Heather. I think Abbie says it all above. Liz is so proud of you Matt…..
Sometimes the world seems so very unfair. Like now.
How do you make something so unacceptable, acceptable?
I’ll never understand. Never.
My heart is so heavy and aching so badly for all of you guys. I sit here day after day reading, crying, even smiling a lot of times but feeling utterly helpless and useless all of the time. I am a big “what if” and “if only” person and echoing what most people have already said, I’d give aything to have the power to give you guys that minute, no, to change it all so it never happened. This all fucking sucks. I am so proud and inspired by you three. By the strength and all the good you have put back out into a world that you could have been like, “fuck you world!” but you didn’t. I’m seriously honored to be friends, to be a part of your lives. *HUGS*
xoxoxoxo,
Tricia
ps. I love that picture.
that picture is ADORABLE.
makes me so sad for you.
I’ve never posted before-but I’ve been a reader for a very long time. Today was the first time I wanted to post. This is a wonderful song and believe me, if we had the power to give someone an hour- I would. I work in NICU where not a day goes my when I wish I could do that for a family.
My heart breaks every time I read a post about you missing Liz and then post a picture. It makes me more thankful every day, and for that I thank you.
PS I have never commented before but I read your blog every day! (well each new post)
I often wish I had a little more time to spend with my wife, but in reality it would probably be worse. When you love someone that much there isn’t enough time ever to express all that you feel. If I had a minute I would want five. If I had five I’d want ten, and the want would never fade…I love her too much.
I think about this all the time…when my kids are asleep and I too am left alone to think. You’re amazing Matt…I don’t know how you keep going like you do.
Thinking of you, Mike, Heather & your beautiful girls, both here and in your dreams … that song was haunting and lovely.
That was such a beautiful, touching song. As the tears well up in my eyes and the chills take over, my heart aches for you and the heartbreaking pain I know you still feel each and every day. You are such a wonderful father to Maddy and I’m sure Liz would be very proud of you. LOVE that pic of the two of you
OK, I’m balling after listening to that son…. wow!
Tremendous track that.
I wish I could make it happen. For You. For Mike. For me.
What I wouldn’t do to give you that hour. I wish you had a lifetime. That post was so sad!!! I love seeing pics of you and Liz
My heart is breaking all over again.
Beautiful
Matt,
I have been reading your blog for months, but this is the first time I am commenting. Last September my grandmother was killed when a 14 wheeler ran a red light. She, her sister, and their friend were all killed. My gramie was my best friend and we did everything together. I had not talked to her in a week, but we had plans for the saturday after she died. I would give anything just to see her, or even talk to her and tell her I love her one last time…
Jennifer
Wow, what a beautiful song.
I wish I could give you and Mike and Heather both those minutes you are looking for.
I guess the lesson is to make the most out of every minute we have, a daunting task, but Liz and Madeline Spohr have taught us that. Sending virtual hugs your way.
What a heartbreaking song. Haunting even. I hope that your heart heals someday though I know it will never be whole again. love to you and Maddy.
hugs.
thats really heartbreaking matt. sometimes i dont think we really understand what one minute can bring us. lots of love and heaps of hugs to you and maddy!
nice pic of you and liz! sending you hugs!
I will be praying for God to heal your broken heart. Tremendously sorry for your loss. Love the song.
I can’t hear the song for some reason.
(Yes, I have the volume up!) But what a great picture of you and Liz!
Music heals us as much as it can keep us on the edge of the hardest places in the world.
I don’t mean this to add to your pain but I’m barely able to stand this happening and I don’t even know you…I can’t even imagine living with it every day. Your story has touched me. I know you aren’t “religious” but I continue to add you and your little one to my prayers….extra prayers can’t hurt right? Thanks for sharing your life w/ us.
Matt, that is such a beautiful song. Like I said awhile ago it would be nice to get one more minute with our loved ones who have passed on before us. I would love to hold my dad and tell him all the things I wanted to say to him before he passed away but couldn’t. I really do want to put a CD together for you and Matt. Starting out with when you first met Liz until the birth of Maddy. I have been practicing and made a Michael Jackson Tribute. Take a look at it.
http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=912b26b922cc20c62013ef&skin_id=601&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=email
As you can see I have alot of free time on my hands lately.
Really you always seems to ignore me when I write. I really want to make this CD. Send me some photos and music you would like put into the CD.
Well I hope to maybe hear from you one of these times.
Rosann
Your story and your sadness always make me cry. I don’t feel sorry for you, but I sympathize greatly and pray that someday, your sorrow will ease and you will know great love again (apart from the love you have for Maddy). I think it must be hard if not impossible for you to see or even want to look towards a future where Liz is not at the forefront of your mind. You have so much to give. What a sad song. Beautiful and sad post. I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain. Thank you for blogging about your life, I look forward to reading it, even though sometimes it makes me sad. It also helps keep me focused on the things in life that are really important.
Check out this song, they played it at my nephew’s funeral and I think it’s a great song for anyone that’s lost someone. It’s called “I sure miss you” by The Crabb Family.
Check out this song, they played it at my nephew’s funeral and I think it’s a great song for anyone that’s lost someone. It’s called “I sure miss you” by The Crabb Family.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlMc5sad0EQ&feature=related
Thank you for sharing the soundtrack of your life.
I don’t know how you do it.
Strength to you.
What a wonderful song. Thanks for introducing it to me. It has all the words I have been trying to say… all right there.
You can still pick up this album in MP3 on rhapsody.
http://mp3.rhapsody.com/jtillman/minor-works–j-tillman-undertow
I lay in bed last night unable to sleep. I was having some kind of precurser to a panic attack, which I’ve been prone to. I just kept thinking about how much I love my husband and about how lonely and scary life would feel without him in it. I thought about how I would find joy and meaning in my life if he died, and I know it’s centered around our kids. You are doing an amazing job of trying to keep your sad moments during times when you can dwell, like in bed at night. Music is the conduit…I know.
A beautiful song Matt!
Hi,
You can buy the J. Tillman song, “For An Hour With You” on his myspace page!!!!!
http://www.myspace.com/jtillman
Thanks for telling your story………and for allowing me to come along on your journey. Your posts have made me cry and laugh all at once!
:/ Your words remind me to appreciate every moment I have with my husband. I just wish that lesson wasn’t born out of your sorrow.
What a gorgeous song! The picture of you and Liz brought tears to my eyes. It’s lovely. Hope you and Maddy are doing well!
Love, Mere
the picture made me cry…now I’m afraid to listen to the song…
long time follower -cb
Thanks Matt. After reading this I shut the computer, went into the other room and gave my husband a big hug and told him i loved him. You make me remember how lucky I am.
Ahhh to get one more hour…… Great song…… Even though I can’t get that hour back I can use this pain to appreciate the hours I do have with the ones I love who are with me now. Thanks for sharing – looking forward to meeting you next weekend.
a haunting song. beautifully illustrated, through lyrics that speak to so many. another reminder to truly appreciate all we have.
Listen to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EFd6lQXVOc
you may be familiar, but only recently discovered it. It took my breath away.
found it on rhapsody!
http://www.rhapsody.com/-search?query=for%20an%20hour%20with%20you&searchtype=RhapTrack
Liz had beautiful hair.
Maddy does too.
Tears. Are. Streaming. Down. My. Face.
I don’t know how you do it, but I’m completely envious of your strength. You are so amazing and you are doing amazing things for Maddy.
This song is beautiful, as was Liz. What a wonderful picture of you two.