the last few weeks…

so what the hell

have we been up

to over the

past few weeks?

not much, really.

there’s a lot

of stuff coming up

for both of us,

so we’ve been

taking it easy.

there was a

16-month birthday

and a 16-month

something else.

there were days

spent at work and

daycare, with mornings

of happiness as

she goes through

her morning routine:

and i go through mine…

bathing her,

getting her dressed,

doing her hair,

and spending some time

appreciating what i have:

before work/daycare.

before work/daycare.

watching the apple roll down the hill...

morning walk.

maddy with flower.

resting.

morning.

and there was laughter

as she stumbled

up and down

the sidewalk like

the cutest little drunk

you’ve ever seen.

we’ve been taking evening

walks and getting

introduced to

neighbors we should

have met much earlier.

we’ve been throwing

fallen apples into

the street, watching

and laughing as

they roll down the hill,

chasing the neighborhood cat

from its normal

spot up against the curb.

maddy spent

a night at home

with melanie, while

i lost track of

time with some friends

at amoeba and

at dinner.

on a saturday afternoon

we both

got a haircut,

getting pampered.

then we did a

little shopping on melrose.

i bought maddy

a gorgeous vintage dress

looking at the leaves.

(i still can’t believe i do this shit, let alone talk about it in public).

and later that

night i hit

the steve malkmus

show at the echo

with a friend

while maddy spent

the night playing

with auntie anya

and her dog, teddy.

there was a

friday spent with

some old friends,

in los angeles

on a 12-hour layover,

after a trip

from new zealand.

we had a lovely

dinner on the

santa monica pier.

dinner in santa monica with andrea and john.

maddy and daddy.

climbing.

then i had

to change maddy’s diaper

and once again

found a men’s room

without a changing table.

i made due…

changing her diaper on the santa monica pier.

by changing her

in the middle

of the pier:

changing her diaper on the santa monica pier.

and everything turned

out well in the end.

look at the hair on that kid...

later, maddy played

in the giant sandbox

playing in a really big sandbox.

then it was time

to say goodbye

to our friends

and head home.

there was a

saturday during which

we did nothing

but play in our yard

she's being followed...

"go away!"

and hang out

with each other.

throwing my shoes.

on a sunday, the

plan was to

spend some time at

huntington gardens, letting

madeline enjoy

the open spaces.

as we pulled

in to the place,

i waved at the

guard standing at

the entrance.

as i did, i heard

a little rattle.

fuck.

it can’t be

what i think it is…

but yeah, it was.

the big diamond in

liz’s

engagement ring

was loose.

i’ve been wearing the

thing constantly

since the moment

i found it in her

purse after

she died.

it’s been banged

around a ton,

and i’m a little

surprised that i’ve

not lost any of

the diamonds yet.

on so many

occasions i’ve wanted

to take it off,

you know,

because it leads

to lots of questions

on airplanes and in bars,

and it

impedes my ability

to reach into my

left pocket,

and i’m putting on

weight so the

thing is cutting

into my finger,

and i really don’t

want to lose

any of those diamonds.

but i just

can’t bring myself

to do it.

i just need it

with me.

but with that

rattle, i knew

it was time.

and though it

wasn’t my choice,

it sort of

felt right.

besides, i’m not

sure what i would

have done if

that diamond fell

out somewhere

and was lost forever,

but i assure you

i would have

been a lot

more than upset.

so hidden in

the case for my

sunglasses was my

other connection to

liz,

the engagement ring

i gave to her

in june of 2004

in kathmandu, on the

steps of that

vishnu temple.

liz standing in front of the temple where we got engaged.

still on my

finger is the

wedding ring i gave

her on august 13th 2005,

in that place

in minneapolis.

that was

almost 4 years ago.

a lifetime ago.

i’ll keep that one

on because it

doesn’t attract as

much attention as the

engagement ring,

and i can reach into

my pocket with

that one on

my finger.

and i’ll keep

it on until

it feels right to

take it off,

or i hear another

diamond rattling.

now i need

to find the time

to get

liz’s

engagement ring

fixed and then

i need to find a

safe deposit box.

i only thought about

that ring a couple

of times during

our sunday afternoon.

why?

because i was

a little distracted:

looking at the ducks and fish.

in the gallery of european art.

going nutz...

before bed that night,

the tv was on

and maddy pointed to

an image of

fidel castro and said,

“daddy! daddy!”

it may be

time to trim the beard.

on tuesday evening

i watched as

a fire burned near

our neighborhood.

view of the fire from our sidewalk.

water drop.

we were never

in any danger,

but it was

not fun to see.

wednesday morning,

after her bath,

i wrapped maddy up

in a towel and placed

her on my bed

while i went into

her room to get

her a diaper

and some clothes.

same thing i

do every morning.

well, this morning

was different.

i was gone less

than a minute,

but when i returned,

something wasn’t right.

maddy was standing

in the middle of the

bed completely naked,

except for the

a look of guilt

she was wearing

on her face.

for some reason

i thought,

“damn. i really hope she didn’t piss on my bed.”

as i got closer

i saw the biggest

puddle of pee ever.

fuck.

she picked the

perfect time to do this.

i mean, why not

pee while sitting

on the towel,

or in the bath tub,

or maybe she

could have just waited

until i got a

diaper on her?

nope.

she’d rather just

piss all over my

clean sheets.

awesome.

i suppose i should

have been angry,

but all i could

do was laugh.

i have no idea

why it was so

funny, but maybe

it was because

i was so happy

that she didn’t shit.

this weekend

i’m heading to

las vegas to

meet up with

a bunch of

people, including

a couple of

old friends…

one from my college

days, and another

with whom i

went to school

from 5th grade

through college.

madeline will not

be joining us.

instead, she will

spend some time

in los angeles with

liz’s

parents and auntie deb.

should be a

lot of fun for everyone.

then next week

we’re off to

vancouver to get

away for what

would have been my

4th wedding anniversary.

just like last

year’s trip to banff

it’s gonna be hard,

but i know

i can’t be

here at home,

or in the

state where we

were married.

we have to be

somewhere else.

sometimes it’s the

only way.

and since i’ll be on a plane on friday, i figured i should take this opportunity to ask folks to donate to the the liz logelin foundation’s $7 on the 7th campaign.

(disclaimer…you don’t necessarily have to donate $7 on the 7th. you could donate $23 on the 23rd, or $1 on the 1st or any amount any time you please. no amount is too small, and no amount is too big).


oh. and don’t forget about the events in september

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