so what the hell
have we been up
to over the
past few weeks?
not much, really.
there’s a lot
of stuff coming up
for both of us,
so we’ve been
taking it easy.
there was a
16-month birthday
and a 16-month
something else.
there were days
spent at work and
daycare, with mornings
of happiness as
she goes through
her morning routine:
and i go through mine…
bathing her,
getting her dressed,
doing her hair,
and spending some time
appreciating what i have:
and there was laughter
as she stumbled
up and down
the sidewalk like
the cutest little drunk
you’ve ever seen.
we’ve been taking evening
walks and getting
introduced to
neighbors we should
have met much earlier.
we’ve been throwing
fallen apples into
the street, watching
and laughing as
they roll down the hill,
chasing the neighborhood cat
from its normal
spot up against the curb.
maddy spent
a night at home
with melanie, while
i lost track of
time with some friends
at amoeba and
at dinner.
on a saturday afternoon
we both
got a haircut,
then we did a
little shopping on melrose.
i bought maddy
a gorgeous vintage dress
(i still can’t believe i do this shit, let alone talk about it in public).
and later that
night i hit
the steve malkmus
show at the echo
with a friend
while maddy spent
the night playing
with auntie anya
and her dog, teddy.
there was a
friday spent with
some old friends,
in los angeles
on a 12-hour layover,
after a trip
from new zealand.
we had a lovely
dinner on the
santa monica pier.
then i had
to change maddy’s diaper
and once again
found a men’s room
without a changing table.
i made due…
by changing her
in the middle
of the pier:
and everything turned
out well in the end.
later, maddy played
in the giant sandbox
then it was time
to say goodbye
to our friends
and head home.
there was a
saturday during which
we did nothing
but play in our yard
and hang out
with each other.
on a sunday, the
plan was to
spend some time at
huntington gardens, letting
madeline enjoy
the open spaces.
as we pulled
in to the place,
i waved at the
guard standing at
the entrance.
as i did, i heard
a little rattle.
fuck.
it can’t be
what i think it is…
but yeah, it was.
the big diamond in
liz’s
engagement ring
was loose.
i’ve been wearing the
thing constantly
since the moment
i found it in her
purse after
she died.
it’s been banged
around a ton,
and i’m a little
surprised that i’ve
not lost any of
the diamonds yet.
on so many
occasions i’ve wanted
to take it off,
you know,
because it leads
to lots of questions
on airplanes and in bars,
and it
impedes my ability
to reach into my
left pocket,
and i’m putting on
weight so the
thing is cutting
into my finger,
and i really don’t
want to lose
any of those diamonds.
but i just
can’t bring myself
to do it.
i just need it
with me.
but with that
rattle, i knew
it was time.
and though it
wasn’t my choice,
it sort of
felt right.
besides, i’m not
sure what i would
have done if
that diamond fell
out somewhere
and was lost forever,
but i assure you
i would have
been a lot
more than upset.
so hidden in
the case for my
sunglasses was my
other connection to
liz,
the engagement ring
i gave to her
in june of 2004
in kathmandu, on the
steps of that
vishnu temple.
still on my
finger is the
wedding ring i gave
her on august 13th 2005,
in that place
in minneapolis.
that was
almost 4 years ago.
a lifetime ago.
i’ll keep that one
on because it
doesn’t attract as
much attention as the
engagement ring,
and i can reach into
my pocket with
that one on
my finger.
and i’ll keep
it on until
it feels right to
take it off,
or i hear another
diamond rattling.
now i need
to find the time
to get
liz’s
engagement ring
fixed and then
i need to find a
safe deposit box.
…
i only thought about
that ring a couple
of times during
our sunday afternoon.
why?
because i was
a little distracted:
before bed that night,
the tv was on
and maddy pointed to
an image of
fidel castro and said,
“daddy! daddy!”
it may be
time to trim the beard.
…
on tuesday evening
i watched as
a fire burned near
our neighborhood.
we were never
in any danger,
but it was
not fun to see.
wednesday morning,
after her bath,
i wrapped maddy up
in a towel and placed
her on my bed
while i went into
her room to get
her a diaper
and some clothes.
same thing i
do every morning.
well, this morning
was different.
i was gone less
than a minute,
but when i returned,
something wasn’t right.
maddy was standing
in the middle of the
bed completely naked,
except for the
a look of guilt
she was wearing
on her face.
for some reason
i thought,
“damn. i really hope she didn’t piss on my bed.”
as i got closer
i saw the biggest
puddle of pee ever.
fuck.
she picked the
perfect time to do this.
i mean, why not
pee while sitting
on the towel,
or in the bath tub,
or maybe she
could have just waited
until i got a
diaper on her?
nope.
she’d rather just
piss all over my
clean sheets.
awesome.
i suppose i should
have been angry,
but all i could
do was laugh.
i have no idea
why it was so
funny, but maybe
it was because
i was so happy
that she didn’t shit.
…
this weekend
i’m heading to
las vegas to
meet up with
a bunch of
people, including
a couple of
old friends…
one from my college
days, and another
with whom i
went to school
from 5th grade
through college.
madeline will not
be joining us.
instead, she will
spend some time
in los angeles with
liz’s
parents and auntie deb.
should be a
lot of fun for everyone.
then next week
we’re off to
vancouver to get
away for what
would have been my
4th wedding anniversary.
just like last
year’s trip to banff
it’s gonna be hard,
but i know
i can’t be
here at home,
or in the
state where we
were married.
we have to be
somewhere else.
sometimes it’s the
only way.
…
and since i’ll be on a plane on friday, i figured i should take this opportunity to ask folks to donate to the the liz logelin foundation’s $7 on the 7th campaign.
(disclaimer…you don’t necessarily have to donate $7 on the 7th. you could donate $23 on the 23rd, or $1 on the 1st or any amount any time you please. no amount is too small, and no amount is too big).
oh. and don’t forget about the events in september…
231 Comments
As always, you amaze me.
Love the morning routine you guys have, and love that she didn’t shit on ur bed. Glad that you could laugh about it. Liz is surely proud of you both.
now brother…
Banff.. although in the same country was a stretch for me.. although I dreamed of making the mountain hike up ..
BUT
Vancouver..
If i can’t buy you a drink in my city-
something is very fucking wrong with the world.
and have ai mentioned I live on the clitoris of the world a ferry trip from the city?
http://www.robertscreekmandala.org/
I know yer a popular fella….
but with Jackie a stone throw away.. and me here.. and you coming….
I also get that *now* begins the mad rush of Canadian *fans* fighting over your attention and time..
so overall- enjoy…
and I dunno- *should* you be mad over pee..i think you got it right.. it was the lesser of the two evils..
and yet again in your world.
it all turned out in the end.
HA
hmm no spell check at work.
It’s a cute morning routine. I love the robot puppet. Have fun in Vegas, it’ll be nice to get fresher air, although it’ll be a shit ton hotter.
i always enjoy reading your blog. Madeline is so beautiful and lucky to have such a great dad!
love the vintage dress.. beautiful ..
have fun in Vegas…
You know, I think you must have a bit of Southern Belle in you, cause never have I seen a child with so many cute dresses, except when I was visiting my brother & very Southern sister in law, who have 3 girls. Between those girls, they probably have over 500 dresses.
I hope you are able to enjoy your time in Vegas and Vancouver. Where are you staying in Vegas?
By the way, did you get Madeline’s cowboy boots when you were in Nashville? yee haw! They’re cute. Hope you picked up some for yourself too. I think they’d go well with your yellow shirt and grizzly Adams beard
P
Just a thought – can you put the rings on a chain around your neck. Safe because they won’t fall off, less wear and tear, close to heart
As for ‘gifts’ left on the bed. I escaped that joy. The cream carpet however has not faired so well.
Funny you mentioned you talking about little girls dresses – I was just thinking – gosh, this guy has great taste in girls clothing – mind you, she’d look great in a hessian sack. Continued good work mr l.
matt I know what you mean about needing to be away. the first anniversary of our firstborn daughter’s death is on aug 19, and we’re getting away from it all, too traumatised to stay in our home state (here in Australia) where we should have been celebrating her first birthday. so we’re heading up north to where it will be warm and where the beaches are gorgeous, just trying to escape our hellish reality at home. i’ll be thinking of you and liz on august 13. 2005 was also the year we got married. 2008 just didn’t go to plan for us both – far from it.
maddy is just looking so lovely. so grown up now and more and more like liz every time i see a new photo.
oh and yeah, i’m loving her dresses!
take care matt, and thanks for the update.
Madeline is a beautiful little girl. She fortunate to have a daddy like you.
Beautiful pictures, loving the Vintage dress! Still chuckling about the bed wetting incident. I cringe everytime my daughter is diaperless on our bed or couch.
CUTENESS OVERLOAD! She is SO CUTE!! i love the pink guitar shoes and the vintage dress. CUTE CUTE!!
Do you have shopping consultant for maddy or u bought everything by urself? Cos ur sense of fashion for maddy really impressed me. 
Just be grateful you don’t have a boy. And a cat. Have you ever tried cleaning cat pee off a bed? It’s ridiculous.
Awww.. lovely pics as always.
i love your routine. whatever gets you through the days, right?
as for pissing in the bed, i’m always worried that one of my kids is going to do this.. well one of my babies, i should say. if my 8 yr old did that, i’d be concerned. LOL i always have the clothes and diaper on the bed waiting for after the bath.
i like Deb’s idea with the rings.
as for Vegas, enjoy your stay. makes me wish I still lived down there! i moved to oregon from there back in early 05. and i miss it everyday.
I love you Matt. And I love Liz and Maddie even more.
Hugs
Looks like you had a great week with your #1 girl!!
Im sorry you had to part with Liz’s ring, it must have felt a little more empty with it off. Maybe still a bit comforting to have her band on and that Maddy will have her Diamond safe for her when its time for her to have it (assuming its going to be for her).
Great videos and Pics!! Awesome Morning routine and those morning walks, such a good daddy!!
I love the picture in the water and she is so beautiful in the pic with the flower…but you knew that already~
Good luck and have fun in Vegas!!
PS. I will definitely be donating my usual on the 7th!!
i would recommend the chain around your neck as well….
beside that: it’s good that you didn’t get mad at maddie because of the whole peeing thing….she’s only 16 MONTHS old, not years!!
have a great time with her!
Your’re a brave soul!
I LOVE how you dress Maddy. So so beautiful.
That picture of her in the water is amazing!
Those sweet little open-mouthed kisses (my 18 month old does the same thing). But I love how she takes a moment to examine each stuffed animal, deciding if it’s worthy of her kiss. So sweet.
LOL I literally laughed out loud on the peeing on the bed statement!!!
She’s getting so big and yeah I think it’s time to trim the ole beard!!
As always, beautifully done. You are doing a fantastic job, Daddy! Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
PS–Yes Fidel, it’s time to trim the beard
Maddy seems like such an awesome kiddo.
My little boy (23 months) loves watching Maddy in the videos. When they’re done he signs, “More, please!” and we play it again. He laughs and points…it’s too cute. A potential suitor…except we live in TX…boo!
always a good time when someone pisses on the bed. love it. my son has marked his territory all over our house. he’s almost like a dog. nothing to do but laugh.
I so enjoy reading your blog! Love, love, love the dresses! And of course the jeans with the dress!
I am sure one day Maddy will cherish her Mother’s ring.
His is my favorite post by you. Will you be my Dad? I know you’re not perfect but you are so crazy inspiring.
Steph
That Maddy has turned you into a fashionista! Love the pics. Have a good trip.
This… I meant “this” post.
Steph
“i have no idea
why it was so
funny, but maybe
it was because
i was so happy
that she didn’t shit.”
This is a defining characteristic of people who have been through shit – they choose to laugh at life’s mysteries, especially when it doesn’t involve any number two.
Great update. I was hoping you would post one today. Maddie is such a beauty. I love the vintage dress and all of her clothes. You do such an awesome job of picking out the most unique items. Hope your upcoming trip is lots of fun.
I have to say, I do see the Fidel resemblance.
I hope your trips go well. I know they won’t keep you from being sad, but hopefully they will help you get through a little less painfully.
Take care of yourselves.
Hi Matt!
Hope you’re having a good morning. I love the photo’s of Maddy as always. Really love the yellow dress, such a sun baby!
Just wanted to comment quickly about Liz’s rings. My rings are very special to me and I plan on passing them down to my daughter. Platinum rings need polishing and prongs tightened, I take them in about every 6 months. I have bead set stones and they can snag on clothing, etc and loosen over time. I’m only saying this because one day that ring will be very important to Maddy. I would hate for anything to happen to it for you. I wear my Mom’s rings often when I am missing her, having a bad day, and want to feel close. (I have had to dig thru the trash before because they were accidentally thrown out! I nearly had a stroke… )
When my daughter was young I purchased a mattress pad so pee, poop, and vomit wouldn’t soak thru the mattress!
I love the kissing of the animals each morning! Wow, that’s sweet!
that video of her kissing her animals is ridiculously adorable!
I find my kids to be a great distraction from the constant thoughts in the back of my head that I can’t escape as well. I feel you. It’s an uphill battle but you just have to keep on keepin’ on and showing Maddy the world like you are.
Hey, I noticed some barrettes in her hair… good job! And well done with the vintages dress… she’s pretty stinkin’ cute.
OMG…look at her go! It’s not going to be long before she is running.
I love the silhouette picture and the picture of her splashing.
I’ll be thinking of you and Maddy next week.
Maddie is getting so big. Love all the dresses and the video of her in the water
Madeline is beautiful.
She is the perfect combination of you and Liz.
I would have rather my kids pooped on the bed, easier to clean up, doesn’t always soak through all the sheets, but she may do that for you yet. Wait till potty training.
Am I the only one that thinks your SIL Deb looks like a dark haired Liz?
My Mom died when I was in high school, she was 42, still way too young for me to be without my mom. I got her wedding ring and too wore it until one day as I was in the car felt something fall, not thinking that it could have been the diamond, about 20 min later I looked and the ring and no rock, I slammed on the brakes in the middle of the road, thank God no cars were behind me. I started bawling and then thought hey I remember something falling and sure enough in the floor mat of the car was the diamond. I would have been so beyond devestated to loose it. It was what I gazed at as a young child, the thing my mom cherished the most (besides her family) so now instead of wearing it daily, I have it locked up and wear it on special occaions, her birthday, my wedding, her weddign anniversary, the anniversary of her death and mothers day. Some day I hope to pass it on to a daughter if I ever have one, or my son will get it to pass on. Although I dont wear it all the time, the times that I do are just a special and it was hard not to have it on for about a month, but then it got easier, because I new I still had it and could wear it whenever I wanted. I know it isnt the exact situation, but maybe it will help.
By the way, I am rather impressed on how wonderful you dress your daughter, alot of women cant dress their children as nice as you do Maddie. Liz would be so proud of that.
I think we all need to spend some time appreciating what we have.
I know for a fact that I would NOT be laughing if one of my girls peed on my bed. Of course, they’re 6 and 8… so they know how to use the toilet. But, still.
I so love all of her little dresses. She has to be the best dressed little girl in the entire world.
I am heading to Vegas as well this weekend, I havent been in 19 years, I hear I am in for a treat.
I love you blog, please keep it up.
LOL, the joys of parenthood. As always she looks adorable and you are doing a great job. Enjoy your time away, I’m sure Liz’s parents and sister will enjoy their Maddy time. Liz left you the best gift a little piece of her and you. The way you loved Liz I’m not sure you would be doing this well without Maddy. I’m glad you have each other. Have safe travels.
One day, Madeline will be old enough to understand how she came to be in this world. She will be able to look back at this blog and she will know, if she didn’t already, how wonderful her father is and how much she is loved. You are a very special family.
Maddy’s morning routine is adorable! I love all of her beautiful dresses, esp the vintage one. Good choice! I think my fav pic is of her in her jeans and a tshirt looking away. Precious.
I laughed out loud at work when I read how happy you were that she did not shit on your bed. Oh my, I have been there before! Be glad she isn’t a boy, there would be no telling where the pee would have ended up.
Have a great trip!
My girl is 4 months older than Maddy. We also had a bed peeing incident this past week. Thankfully (I guess) it was her own bed. She took off all her clothes plus the diaper and as I came in the room she was jumping and peeing everywhere. I fell onto the floor I was laughing so hard.
Sometimes it’s all you can do!
you amaze me too. I’m glad you didn’t have to make the decision about the ring and it made it for you – you’ve had to make way to many decisions on your own these last 16 months. Have an amazing trip (s).
You make me laugh and you make me cry over and over again.
As for the pee? Way to look on the bright side. I’ll have to remember that next time it happens to me.
The open mouth kisses are just precious. You have one beautiful little girl on your hands there, daddy.
fidel…that got a good hearty laugh. nice one maddie…high five her for me
Maddy is getting so big! It looks like she is starting to lose the leg chub. So Sad! ; ) Looks like you guys are keeping busy! Have a good weekend this weekend!
You crazy dress shopper!
It’s beautiful. BTW, Maddy’s friend due in December is a GIRL!! Hopefully Maddy will have a better understanding of “gentle” by the time they meet.
Glad you heard that rattle before the stone fell out.
What a smart girl Maddy is that she knew to feel guilty for peeing on the bed. Maybe time to gradually introduce the potty?
Watching this I had to wonder if my metrosexual hubby would find such a cute vintage dress. Probably. If he could find the store and think to buy it.
Not that I’m implying you are a metrosexual or anything….
Aww, love her morning routine and her open mouth kisses. My daughter used to kiss me like that around that age. Did you get your kiss off-camera?
Keep up the great work – love what you are doing with her hair! She’s adorable!
I swear, Madeline is the best dressed little girl ever! (yes, even more than Suri Cruise). She is growing so fast, those videos just melted my little heart.
Looking forward to photos from Vancouver…the ones from last year in Banff were just amazing.
Love that you have now changed her diddie on the Brooklyn Bridge and the pier. Hey, you do what you gotta do, right? We took our son to a fancy-schmancy steakhouse while on vacation recently, and of course he dropped a deuce right as the food arrived. Not only did they not have a changing table in the ladies room, but the maitre d’ looked at me in horror when I suggested that I would just change him on the floor of the bathroom, using his changing pad. No, instead they set me up in an empty dining room on a table that was already set…they just removed the silverware, plates, and glasses. Things that make you go hmmmm.
By the way, I’m digging the shaggy beard look!
You are an awesome funny father!! You deal with all this parenting stuff with a great sense of humor!!
I am not sure how it is possible that there are only 8 comments, but I figured I would take the opportunity to tell you how awesome I think you are. Maddy looks a lot like my daughter and I smile every time I see her. She is as beautiful as Liz.
Yeah, without fail, if I leave my daughter’s diaper off, she’ll pee after a short time. Sorry about the bed. And seriously? What is with bathrooms without changing tables? I went into a McDonalds on vacation and they didn’t have one in the women’s room either. (I changed her on one of their dining tables. Yeah.)
Anyhow, I’m impressed that you pick out her clothes because she is seriously the best dressed baby. I love all her cute dresses.
You’re coming to Vancouver! I hope you enjoy the city! If you need any exciting ideas of what to do or where to eat, feel free to ask, though I’m sure you already have many people here who would love to spend your time for you.
seriously – she is the best dressed little girl! i don’t even think I can do that well at coordinating outfits!
LOVE the vintage dress, but the polka-dot skirt outfit is my FAVORITE!
You’re doing an awesome job Matt!
Thanks for sharing the beautiful vintage dress, love it. I can’t wait until Maddie is blabbing at the mouth with unending sentences. I can only imagine what your posts are going to tell.
Love the morning routine!
I can’t wait to see what you end up doing in/around Vancouver since we’ll be there before/after a cruise in September.
Thanks Matt…now my kids think I’m crazy.
First I’m oohing and ahhhing over Maddy and her supreme cuteness.
Then I’m outright sobbing over Liz’s diamond ring. Sobbing and crying into my coffee.
Then laughing again at Maddy’s “accident.”
Great post, and I’ll be thinking of y’all next week.
I think laughter is the best medicine. I would have laughed about the pee as well. What else can you do?
The pic of Maddy in the blue tee and jeans is my absolute favorite picture of her. I love how she’s standing and how she has her thumb in her pocket!;-) So so cute. I also love seeing her walk. My 15 month old is the exact same, wobbly. Maybe we should lay off the liquor.
My husband and I love reading your updates! You are a such a father! Maddy is the cutest little thing ever.
p.s.- you have GREAT taste.
I’m so sorry that you had to take Liz’s ring off – but I’m glad that it felt right. Maddy will cherish it someday I’m sure.
Maddy is so cute. I love her outfits and her hair and I love her kissing her animals. My almost-one year old does open mouth kisses too
Good luck on your trip – I’ll be thinking of you on the 13th.
I agree with Deb in wearing the ring around your neck. You may not get as many strange looks or questions. I think that it is so cool that you and Maddy go so many places. Even though she is still young, she gets to see so much and you have all the memories and pictures to look at when she is older. My daughter totally looks like a little drunkard when she walks! It is so cute and so funny to watch!! I have not been fortunate enough to have her pee anywhere but I am sure it will come really soon!! The guilty face must have been priceless! Have a great time in Vegas and Vancouver. It will be nice for you to just get away from home for time with Maddy and without worrying about work. Relax and enjoy!!
You made my morning! You both always bring a smile and a tear.
I just love the way you dress her in dresses…..she is just the cutest! She looks so much like the pictures you post of her mother. It would be interesting to see pictures of her mother at that age!
That video of Maddy kissing her lil’ stuffies is absolutely adorable! I love the ones of her morning walk and splashing in the fountain too.
Love the vintage dress! You always have her dressed so cute – and I noticed the barrettes.
Great post, but Vancouver…come on, there’s way more action in Edmonton this time of year!
I hope that your trip away gives you much peace. We’ll be thinking of you and Maddy!
And the pic of Maddy in the cowboy boots had me laughing out loud. So awesome! We are looking forward to the 5K – I’ll be sending in my planning forms today!
Aw I was waiting to see the cutest lil’ drunk walking! You and that girl are awesome. Have fun in Vegas!
You amaze me and sometimes my heart just hurts for you. She is so beautiful! Your style for her rocks!
The morning routine is probably the cutest video on the internet.
I always love to hear what you guys are up to. Maddy is gorgeous, as usual, and you look/sound like you may actually be *less* depressed. Maybe. Gaining weight is good.
As always when reading your blog….I sit here with a smile, then tears….then a smile again. I can’t even imagine the pain you continue to go thru. I find myself asking the Lord why?
I love looking at the pictures you take of Maddy daily. Love the before work/daycare photos…now the morning walks. Love the way you dress Maddy ~ she’s absolutely darling.
Hugs to you. Lorena
Matt, You’re amazing! and I’m so proud of you! You’ve turned into Mr. Fashionista and kept that going for Liz and Maddy! That’s great! I love, love the way you dress Maddy! She’s gorgeous! Thanks for sharing the pictures. I’m with you! Get away as often as you need to. Enjoy yourself and do everything you and Liz would be doing. She’s so proud of you and Maddy! XX
hey matt-i hope you have fun in vegas this weekend! gonna bring the robot back to the liberace museum?! drop me a line if i can buy you another chimay!
Oh yes, the potty thing. My now 25 yr old son had a nap one day and I heard him making noises, but let him play in his crib for a while. Bad Mistake!!! When the noises got louder, imagine my horror when I went in there and he was missing his diaper and smearing it all over the walls, crib spindles and the wallpaper. ewwwwwwwwww Haven’t thought of that for a long time, I’ll have to re-tell him the story. Your daughter is a beauty, bet you never get tired of hearing that.
You and Maddy always have so much fun together. Please tell me some fun places to go take my kids. I live about 30 miles east of you, but don’t mind driving.
Sorry you are not able to wear Liz’s ring anymore. Keeping it safe will totally be better than losing one of the stones.
Maddy is so adorable and is getting so big.
Oh, how I love reading about your life with Maddy. I know it’s heart wrenching and difficult at times. She is such a precious girl and I love how you take everything in stride. The part about how you laughed at the pee because you were happy she didn’t poop was so funny to me! I’ve been thankful for such things myself!
Enjoy your upcoming trips and give yourself some time to relax and be with your thoughts and feelings. You’re so very brave and so many people love you and Maddy so much. You’re such an inspiration to many, many people.
I think Maddy gets more gorgeous every day. Apart from maiming her, have you thought of any other ways to keep the boys at bay?
Loving the pee story! And, since we’re all sharing…
We give Teagan ‘naked bum time’ since her skin is so sensitive. One day, she was playing and she started to squat. My husband and I FREAKED OUT. I picked her up and ran her to the toilet. I wasn’t quick enough, and Tom didn’t know what to do, so he picked it up!! He was too flustered to think and picked up the poop with his bare hands. It was fucking hilarious!
Oh, Congrats on taking off Liz’s ring. That must of taken a lot strength to do. I know you did it cuz the setting was loose, but it still must have been time.
I hope your trip to Vancouver is exactly the distraction you need. Eastern Canada has some great things to do too. Just sayin’
She is the cutest little fashionista! You’re doing an excellent job with the outfits and hair…I’m sure Liz would be so proud of you…and amazed!
I just have to say that your fashion choices are fantastic! She looks awesome and so cute! And peeing on your bed, I had to laugh at that one. Never leave a not yet potty trained child naked except in the bath, they will pee! This comes from a place of experience, except it was my couch.
I’ve been “stalking” your blog for quite awhile now and find your pictures unbelievable and your story inspiring. Madeline is adorable. Of all times for me to read this post… I just lost my engagement diamond and it was my grandmother’s and the gut-wrentching feeling of never getting it back is beyond sickening. I’m glad you caught it when you did. I’m also going to Vegas this weekend – maybe I’ll see you. I will continue to constantly visit your blog!
I have never seen such pretty, sweet dresses for a little girl. You are an inspiration as always.
Matt,
The pee on the bed isn’t so bad…I probably would’ve laughed too. When my oldest was a toddler she took off her dirty diaper in the bathroom; then stepped on it and slipped and fell. She then called for me, when I got in the bathroom there was shit all on the floor, the walls, the toilet, the tub…it was everywhere!! She was just about 8-10 months older than Maddy is now…good luck!
I bet Eldon Nelson could use your words of wisdom. His wife, Susan, just passed away last night and he now has 4 children to raise on his own. His blog: http://www.fatcyclist.com/
Loved this post and love the dresses!
Liz is smiling at the 2 of you… and yes, I would amagine sometimes she is laughing at the 2 of you.
You’re amazing and so is your beautiful girl.
I’m certain your wife is smiling down
Ha- I love her dresses! My daughter, (who is a mother now), I loved her in dresses, she also had the very blond hair that your Maddy does. Then she turned 3 and refused to wear anything that matched, let alone dresses. I tried everything- and she would stick out her tongue, say ICKKKKKKKKKkkkk and that was the end of dresses and common sense dressing. Soooooooo, enjoy it while you can!
Oh yes, have it fixed. If you need a good jeweler:
http://www.fullersjewelry.com
You might also benefit from having it insured – doesn’t cost very much for a “no questions asked” replacement policy.
matt, thanks for sharing your last few weeks. oh my, it is fun to see maddie in action….the morning routine was the cutest thing I have seen in a long time…I loved it. thank-you…laughed at your comment about maddie comment-needing to trim your beard..ah, never a dull moment. also, it is awesome you do things when you feel ready. sometimes you just have to FEEL it. and you do….
thinking of you both!
Fashionably adorable vintage dress. Check.
Too fucking cute video of Maddy walking. Check.
Visual of her pissing all over Daddy’s bed. Priceless.
Hi Matt,
I’ve been reading your blog for months – touched by what a good father you are and how honest you are about the bittersweet journey that parenthood is for you. Thank you for sharing yourself and your family with the world.
Somehow I’ve never known whether to say hi. I mean, what do I say? Instead, I read bits of your blog out loud to my husband and admire the photos of Maddie who is just a bit older than our daughter, Temple. I watch the morning kisses and the drunken swagger and I totally know where you are at. Sometimes it is a bit freaky because these two girls have almost the same wardrobe. Not sure where you shop, but sometimes I am startled by our 16 month old blonde daughters in the same outfit – Oh my god, I sound like Single White Female – but don’t worry, my 6 year old son is the one with the turquoise taj mahal ‘travel the world’ tee. So I promise, it’s pure coincidence. I’m not stalking you! But I sure do enjoy watching Maddie grow.
Anyway, when you mentioned that you are coming to Vancouver next week, I finally had to say hi and extend an invitation to let the girls play together at one of the awesome water parks we’ve discovered since we moved to Vancouver (from the San Francisco Bay Area) a year ago. I know you have friends here already, but if you are staging an open beer gathering or you want a play friend for Maddie, or even a babysitter while you hit the town, feel free to contact me and my husband. We’d love to meet you both. And, just so you can be sure we aren’t freaks, I’ll link you to my own blog so you can decide if we are ‘meet for beers’ material!
Well, that’s enough for now. Again, I just wanted to send my support and thank you for writing, for sharing your story. Your family is a gift.
Matt,
You constantly amaze me with your strength as you handle the challenges that face you.
You are raising a beautiful and HAPPY daughter. You should be so proud of all that you are doing!!!
(And I’ve noticed that you have been winning the hair battles recently- Congrats! She looks adorable!)
Wishing you and Maddy wonderful travels!
Matt-
1. My husband is a phenomenal jeweler, so I will share my two cents on jewelry care. Prongs should always be checked twice a year (obviously you’ve had other things going- understandably!) but when you do get it fixed, make sure the jeweler uses a laser welder opposed to a torch. This way you are not ruining the ring with soder. He’d do it for you! I’m sure LA has good jewelers there, but just make sure it’s done right so you can preserve it for your daughter.
2. Are you PLEASE PLEASE going to share where you shop for her? just a few brands or stores? I’m going to keep asking!
I’m totally in love with the purple and white dress and paisley. You do so good daddy!! I’m proud of you!
Will be thinking of you on your anniversary. Enjoy your trips!
Love the pics as always Matt! Maddy just steals my heart! She is one cute little drunk when she walks!! Your doing such a great job.
No changing station in the mens room in LA??? Are you kidding? Even us Hillbillies down here in Texas are installing changing stations in the mens restrooms these days! Remember, there is one in your honor waiting for you to use if you ever make your way to Galveston, TX!
I’m honored to follow you on this journey & wishing you all the happiness in the world!
You could always wear the rings on a chain around your neck…just a thought if you want to know that they are safe….
We went to Vancouver in May and it was so fabulous – Maddy (and hopefully you) will love it… our faves are
- Granville Island (Mimi loved the “blue icecream” at the food market)
- the children’s market on Granville Island (though she may be too little for the kid’s play area)
- the water taxis
- Stanley Park (the little trains… the playground… there’s a little farm too, but alas we missed it)
- the walking paths along the waterfront
- the food! (our favorite restaurant is Bin 941 on Davies… though not the most kid-friendly because it’s tiny, alas)
The pictures are wonderful
I cried about the ring,
I laughed about the pee.
Loving that vintage dress dude. And I empathise with the rings, glad you have found a new method of preservation.
Dying over the fact that Maddy thinks you look like Fidel Castro. That is awesome. You have to tell her that story later on.
Hi Matt,
Are you planning to give Liz’s rings to maddie when she is old enough to be responsible with them?
And…
Guess what…we (my boyfriend, and 2 other couples) will be in Vegas on Monday – Thursday. Maybe we will run into one another. I hope you have fun, I am sure we all will.
I really love reading your updates.
Be sure to pack lightly when you come to this hell hole that I call home – it’s been hotter than Hades lately, and windy – so it’s kind of like walking around in a hair dryer. Have fun while you’re here! Take lots of pics! It always amazes me that this place looks enjoyable through other people’s eyes…
I think you should put her engagement ring on a sturdy chain and wear it around your neck. That is what I’ve done with my grandmother’s wedding ring. I just couldn’t see putting it somewhere that i won’t see it everyday.
Matt –
As always Maddy is so beautiful. I just can’t get enough of those dresses. The vintage one rocks..Aww..Steven Malkmus. I miss me some Pavement… But he rocks solo too… ok should I see how many times I can say rocks..Best of luck on your travels…Btw, since I have a 15 mo old I know how they can move…and a few weeks ago I had to clean a pee mess out of the middle of her bed…thank goodness her matress is vinyl…man once they start walking it never stops. I’d say from the time they walk to about two it is nonstop. My girl has emptied the spice cabinet 3 x this week…I just gave up and stopped putting things back..so I had everything setting on the counter until today…she’s also into tearing paper towels in tiny pieces… oh..and now while grocery shopping she thinks she should sample everything before goes into the cart..she screams until she gets something…it never ends…but I wouldn’t have it any other way…this is a busy age…take care..
I’m so happy Maddy has you. I have to be honest, I was never really big on kids. Was married once, and thankfully never had kids. Now, I’m finally getting back into the swing of things. I see Maddy, and I am so incredibly envious of the joy she brings you. Even when she calls you Castro and pees on your bed.
LOVED thios post Matt….your morning routine, everything you guys do together is just so perfect!! And I am sorry, I had to laugh outloud at your “pee” experience…and yes, I am reading this at work and got weird stares at my laughter….but I can TOTALLY picture my daughter, who is only a few months older than Maddie doing this!! What can you do at that point but laugh…and yes, be thankfull it was only pee!!
OK…do you know how excited I am that you are heading to Vancouver….woohoo…we are in Victoria…a short ferry ride away…and I know that you will probably be busy, but if you feel the need to stage an “impromtu” party, my daughter Caitlyn and I would be there for sure and love to have a playdate with Maddie and meet you guys!! I was jealous of your Banff trip last year, as we used to live in Calgary, and just “missed” you guys….but Vancouver is awesome!! At any rate, I hope you have a fabulous trip to Vegas, and that you and Maddy have an awesome time on the West Coast of Canada….you both deserve it!!
Please feel free to e-mail if you guys need a playdate, beer date, whatever 
OH my gosh! I loved this post. First because of the cutie patootie morning routine video…darling. Then because Maddy was actually sporting accessories with that cute purple dress. And that you are macho enough to say you can’t believe you are buying and blogging about the vintage dress (which I love too!). Wait until you are buying bras and such. Seriously.
I’m sure Maddy would love her mothers ring someday and I love that you have a written history of your life with her mom so she will know what a treasure her mom was, not only to you, but to the world.
You are such a fabulous writer. The story about piss on the sheets is classic. And it was the perfect moment to laugh!
put liz’s rings on a chain and wear them as a necklace. that’s what my grandfather did when my grandmother died. it was very touching.
happy anniversary to you and Happy 6th birthday to my son:) Blake was born 8/13/03 in the middle of the blackout!
The 13th of August is also my anniversary but I was married in 2004. I wish you and Liz a happy anniversary and I know the day will be filled with happy memories and some sad ones too.
You are the sweetest guy, as witnessed by that first video. An awesome dad, too. I wish you the very, very best.
so sweet !!
“spending some time
appreciating what i have”
My favorite line….we should all do this more often. Thanks for the reminder!
Matt, I’ve been reading your blog since May last year. Something about this post, made me really stop, and imagine how fucking hard it must be for you. I’m so very sorry that Maddy will only know her beautiful mum through photos and stories from other people.
You absolutely fucking rock as a father …. posting photos about the vintage dress you got. Awesome. Maddy is stunning …. she looks like the female version of my 14 month old little boy, I swear.
Strength to you mate, as you’re fighting the good fight. Eden
Wow you put me way to shame dressing Maddy in some really cute clothes! I love the jeans, tshirt and cute clips in her hair! I only know Liz from your pictures and she seemed to be a great dresser, I think she would be proud b/c Maddy is following in her footsteps b/c of you! Have a great trip and happy anniversary.
Hey M&M,
We invited you over when you went to Banff but now Vancouver – eep! If you run out of things to do (yea right), come and visit the Island – we would love to spoil you rotten and take you out and about our fair city!
Have a wonderful trip,
Sue and family
funny you mention the castro beard….I was just thinking that the beard is getting long….
I cannot imagine how you feel with the ring…it is a huge step to take it off. I see little baby steps you are taking in your journey with grief. You are such a wonderful dad…the morning kisses are precious, and you really let her get into life, as with the splashing of water all over and in her pretty dress, to boot….As my mother used to tell me, pat yourself on the back because you are a great dad and person….
Wow, you are just getting better & better at dressing her!!! I love every single one of the outfits in these pictures! Really cute and I love how her look is getting so diverse. A new look every day! That vintage dress is amazing!!!! I love it!!!! Whatever you paid for it, it was worth it (& more). I also love how you sometimes put two little clips on the side of her hair. I bet you are losing lots. Buy a bunch of packs, the same thing happens with my 2 yr old. Maddy is gorgeous and you are doing just an awesome job with her. Liz would be SO proud.
My little guy just peed all over my bed today as well, on a new mattress – awesome!!
Any chance you want a long time reader and her 2 munchkins bugging you and Madeline while you are in Van? If you have any time for a playdate, we’d love to meet you guys (and convince Jackie to come as well!). We have lots of awesome places for little ones to play and explore
I love that you are a Glass half full guy. Yup, she could have SHIT all over your bed. Just fucking awesome she only peed, You are an awesome dad. Have a nice vacation, for what it is. I know it is NOT what you wish, but have the best time that you can.
Hugs Matt, you are the the bestest dad!
Holy Shit – first side view pic of Maddie = Liz. Sheesh!
Love your tales. TALES – not tail!
yeah! a trip to vancouver. you are going to love it! i have been a huge fan of your blog for along time now. you inspire me….in so, so many ways. madeline is one of the sweetest little girls i have ever layed eyes on.
Vancouver! This is where I live (Vancouver, Canada that is).
I’d love to meet you and your daughter . . .
love, love your blog..your obvious love for your wife and your sweet little baby girl are inspiring and make me want some little people and one special big person in my life more than ever.
your ability to just…. keep on keeping on is awesome. awesome. awesome.
I love hearing stories about you and maddy. I have a suggestion: you should put liz’s engagement ring and eventually her wedding band on a necklace and then give it to maddy when she is older and say : now you can be close to your ma always
keep us updated
Hey – welcome to Vancouver. Hope you enjoy it. You just missed our record-breaking heat wave – it was crazy. If you need any suggestions about places to go or things to see – especially kid-friendly ideas – just email.
Your life and daily adventures are fun and poignant in turn – thank you for sharing and giving us unexpected glimpses and laughs! On your videos, I’ve noticed that maddy sings and talks a lot. When she starts talking for serious, you might think she is like a Chatty Kathy doll who can pull her own string! She will never be quiet or run out of things to say! =o) Which is actually right for you two! Communicators from the get-go and buddies. About her ‘beard’ comment…ya’ think?! @Linds – I am totally on the same page as you!
Oh, by the way Matt, have you considered “daddy-and-me” swim lessons for maddy since she is so fearless around water? My toddler had to be 36″ tall to get into a class; but, after watching her behavior around the pool for awhile, the instructor made an exception. We had rivers, ditches, pools and ponds all around our area – and my little girl had NO fear!! I know it seems early, but I am glad that we had lessons – she wasn’t 36″ ‘tall’ until 5th grade! Snicker. Sound familiar?? Safe travel and I hope you relax and really have fun – you deserve it!
i was all set to comment on the beard but maddy did it for me!
glad you were able to laugh at the piss on your bed…it only gets better! or is that worse?!
Matt -you are an amazing man…amazing father and an amazing writer. Your lil’ baby girl is so precious. I absolutely love all her dress’s. So girly and cute, just like her.
Have a fabulous weekend!
I am amazed by your strength with every blog. Enjoy your trip to Vegas.
Looks like you two have been having fun…and you’re right, that vintage dress is gorgeous
Have a blast in Vegas friend!
xoxoxoxo,
Tricia and Bella
I love the pic of Maddy “dancing” in her pink dress…ahhh-dorable!
The great man is he that does not lose his child-heart. – Mencius (I posted this quote today, and it reminds me of you)
I’m in Canada too right now, but sadly not in Vancouver. Have a wonderful time with Maddy!!!
And the Fidel Castro thing is PRICELESS.
Yes the beard needs a trim. Unless you are going for the Grizzly Adams look.
I love how you do the daddy thing and changing her in the middle of the pier like that. Maddy appears to be super happy. And the vintage dress you bought is beautiful.
Just realized my hubby and I share the same anniversary 8/13/05 as you and Liz….can’t believe it took me this long to figure that out. You are so awesome Matt, such an inspiration….btw, I recently went to see Iron & Wine because of you…thank you….it was an Awesome concert!
It’s stunning how much like her mum Maddie is turning out.
Matt…………
I came upon your blog after finding it mentioned in someone else’s blog. It has become my new obsession!!!!! Maddy is absolutely gorgeous, as was her mommy. I love all of the pics!!!! You are one terrific daddy,,,,,,,,,,,,so, so, funny, and very interesting. You & Maddy are quite a team!!!!!! Keep it up!
Everytime I read your blog I think how proud Liz must be of the two of you. Awesome daddy, beautiful daughter!
I think I have had to revisit this post like three times now because I keep ODing on the cuteness of that girl. The videos, the pictures. Damn. Just more documentation of the amazing job you are doing.
So glad to hear that the engagement ring is safe and sound, and not compromised in any way. That will be incredibly special to Madeline one day.
Enjoy your upcoming travels.
Matt.. thanks for your blog… still makes me laugh and cry every time I read it. You are doing an amazing job, Maddy is beautiful.
ah sweet friend…. your words, your pictures, your videos… your child… your memories…
beautiful.
Matt, I had to laugh at the peeing on the bed. Just last week, my 15 month old (who was wandering around in just her diaper, because of the hot weather) pooped on the living room rug. My husband was home with her, looked over and he saw her without the diaper on, and crap on the floor! Of course it wasn’t on the hardwood, it had to be the rug! I laughed when I got home, just glad I wasn’t there to clean it up!
Have a fabulous trip to Vancouver. We’re a short trip away on the island.. so you’ll have to let us Canadian westcoasters know if you’re planning a playdate!
PS. love all the photos (and the dresses)! Especially the one of Madeline splashing in the water
I see you already have an invitation from Roberts Creek, but if you just happen to find yourself wandering two ferry trips from Vancouver to Powell River, BC, (a magical place that makes people who are just here for vacation decide to move here), let me know! Enjoy your trip!
I almost sold my ring (different ending), but jeweler cleaned it, boxed it, and i have it near me in my room.
Sad, but hard…but you gotta. I guess.
Without fail my daughter always seems to pee as soon as the diaper is off! Knock on wood though she hasn’t gotten my bed!
Loved all your photos of Maddy…she’s such an adorable little girl!
Have a wonderful time on your trips, and if you’re not quite ready to let go of Liz’s ring you could always place it on a chain and wear it around your neck?…just another way of keeping it close!
My heart aches for you and your loss, but taking care of my two 16 month olds – born one day after Maddy – I know the joy that she is bringing you. Even when she pisses on your bed. I picked poop up off the floor once and realized it was not cat poop as I thought, no, one of the boys decided he needed to poop on the floor since I let him run naked and free…then I found another turd on the other side of the house later. Ugh. Lesson learned;)
You’re on the Rachel Ray show on Monday. Is this a re-run? I’ll be tuning in hopefully.
Your writing is as lovely as your daughter. And that is saying something.
Mike
Ok daddy, one more thing. That last stuffed thing she did not want to kiss, she looks at you and is telling you something. Throw that evil piece of shit away!
August 13 is the 3rd anniversary of the due date for the first child we lost. It breaks my heart. I’m so sorry for your loss. You are doing a wonderful job with your daughter.
Maddie has the best clothes. That’s how I wanna dress my 3 year old but I can’t find clothes that cute. I love your taste, especially in the style and pattern of fabric. Let me know when you’re near St Louis and we can go shopping! Thanks for your blog!
Hi matt,
I’ve been reading your blogs since I saw you on rachel ray and fell inlove with how adorable maddy was on the show. I just noticed that you said you were going to vancouver, and thought I’d suggest a day trip to vancouver island. I’d love to meet up with you if you do. If you would like to let me know at dawn_lm_jones@hotmail.com
It took me almost three years before I took my wedding band off. You’ll know if and when it will feel right for you.
peeing on your bed is a way they tell you they love you. didn’t you know?
post script: years ago, my first love passed away and I wore a coin with a hole in it that he had made for me (random, I know, it was a nickel and a joke when we did it), I wore the thing wrapped around my wrist for about three years. I was in highschool and wore it until it fell off, the leather strap rotted basically. It’s still in my wallet, 18 years later. It’s totally normal to have something with you like that forever. Even if it’s a big ass diamond.
(Ben, Alex, Amelia, EARMUFFS!)
I have never seen a more beautiful child.
I’d love to say something stupid and pithy because that’s really what I do, but man, there’s nothing more to be said: that daughter of yours, man, she’s just breathtaking.
I really enjoyed your post. I admire how you are taking so much of your free time to expose Maddie to life. It is different though, as she is growing she needs a different kind of attention. It takes more time and more talking to her no doubt. I think it is way time to make the potty purchase and encourage her to sit on it after the bath. Give her a treat (goldfish) whatever even if she sits on the potty. Listen girls are so much faster than boys in terms of potty training…Just think those diaper days could be coming to an end, well at least during the day. Keep the potty in the bathroom, do not move it around the house, don’t put it in front of the TV or anything like that, just put some books by the potty. She is so ready, you can just see this need for her to accomplish one more thing.
I actually had to let you know you were looking a bit Grizzly Adams-ish! I am glad Maddy broke it to you before I had to!! Enjoy these moments they go by fast!
just catching up with you. maddy is as gorgeous as ever. those dresses! hope you can enjoy vegas and vancouver. lots of fun, great food. though vegas will feel like you walked into a fucking hairdryer. hope you like sushi in vancouver!
I love the videos! She is the cutest drunk I’ve ever seen and working where I do I am exposed to a lot of drunks! haha. The water video is awesome too. She’s growing so fast. Some of the pictures make her look so grown up. And, it’s touching because we are all watching her grow up from that tiny baby into this adorable little girl.
You are an amazing father and while you had to take off the engagement ring, it’s still with you and that’s just as good. Liz wouldn’t want you to be kept out of your pocket, nor would you like it if you had to have it cut off.
I love that maddy is almost NEVER wearing shoes.
Its so adorable. she is the cutest drunk EVER.
You are an incredible man and an even more incredible father Matt. There aren’t many men who could manage as well as you have. I love the fact that Maddy wears dresses and always looks chic. You are doing a wonderful job!
I laughed so hard, after you had told you bought her a vintage dress, you said: “i still can’t believe i do this shit, let alone talk about it in public”
just too funny…
You are amazing. So is she. You inspire every parent out there trying to do it on there own. Maddy is a lucky girl. You are a lucky daddy as well! My husband and I were blessed to have been able to raise our two together, but you prove how well it can be done with just one. Thanks for sharing your journey with that precious little girl. Liz left you quite a legacy with her.
Beautiful photos, as always, Matt.
That morning rutine video made my heart smile.
This is the second time I have read your Blog. Your Maddy is a beautiful little girl. She looks a lot like Liz, but I’m sure you know that. Keep up the great job. Liz is smiling down on you both.
Matt I not only want to applaud you, but I also want to give you a standing ovation for the awesome job you are doing as a father for Madeline. I saw your story today on the Rachael Ray show. I’m sure Liz is proud of the amazing father you have become and is smiling down at the two of you. Liz was a beautiful lady and her beauty lives on in Madeline. She looks just like her mommy. Take care.
matt im 17 and live in NY and i dont know how you do it. you are the definition of a man and what it is to be a dad and i wish i could be half the man you are. you on the rachael ray show has brought tears to my eyes and it was the most heart warming thing i have ever felt. i know your wife is proud of you and you are doing the right thing. thank you so much matt
Hi Matt,
I saw the repeat of your story on the Rachel Ray Show. I want you to know that my prayers go out to you and your daughter. I also pray that throughout this process you have found Christ and the true meaning of your time here on Earth! Many prayers for peace and happiness and the love of the Lord!
Hi Matt,
Saw you on the Rachel Ray show. Amazing. My mom
died when I was 5 wks old due to an accident in the hospital
where a nurse accidentally burned me. My mother got
infection from my burn and no pencillin then, she died in
two days, after she got the infection. I am 78 now and I
love to meet anyone who knew my mother. My dad did
a great job in raising me. He was 27 then when she died.
Keep up the wonderful job your doing. My heart and love
go out to you. God Bless
Jerry Lou Nyswonger, Hurst Tx.
You are the Man…..My wife was watching the Rachel Ray show, and told me I HAD to come see your story. I don’t know how you do it, She is beautiful. I am a mans’ man, and your story baffles me and brings a tear to my eye. Godspeed Man! I will be paying attention!
Hey saw the piece on Rachel Ray this morn. Dont get to watch much tv between work, school, and the baby, but got to watch that piece and I got to say it was very inspirational never heard of your blog before then. I have lost many of love ones in my life but not my wife. I would not know what to do with out her. I will try and remember to keep you in my Prayers most of all. Stay strong and never forget those good moments you had with your wife.
Perhaps you could buy a nice chain and wear Liz’s ring around your neck. It would be conveniently concealed by your clothing so there would be fewer questions. Plus the ring is then close to your heart.
Love the video of Maddy kissing her stuffed animals and the one of her splashing in the fountains at Huntington Gardens. Connor would be right there with her. I think maybe I’ll take him over to Millennium park in Chicago today and let him splash in the giant fountain here.
I saw your story a few weeks or months ago on TV…i don’t recall exactly as time sort of blurs…but it moved me. Then I saw you and Madeline on Rachel Ray this morning and again I was so moved. Madeline is such a doll. She reminds me of my own 22 month old daughter. You and your girl are just awesome awesome awesome. I can’t think of any other words.
Hello There I Just Wanted To Say I Was Watching Rachael Ray This Morning And Saw Your Story.I Wanted To Say That You Are A Truly Amazing Man To Do What You Have Done For Your Little Girl..She Is So Gorgeous And Lucky To Have A Father Like You.She Will One Day Be A Great Woman.I Wish You The Best Of Luck And Look Forward To Keeping Up With You And Hope To See How Wonderful Of A Woman That She Turns Out To Be.
Matt, I admire what you have taken on and how you have made Madeline your entire focus. I lost my ex to drugs not to early death, but she dropped out. I too became the mr. mom of our household. The twin girls became my whole life. I will not promise you anything but probably the greatest challenge you will ever face, but know that along with taking this challenge your reward in love from your daughter will make this all so worth it. Im 53, with the girls now 22, but I remember so vividly the fear, joy, and utter confussion that young girls bring to a suddenly single parent. You are doing the right thing, I admire you, relate to you, and am here for you if you ever have need of any emotional support or advise. You rock dude, your little girl is absolutely beautiful, and she really deserves you as her dad. My sympathies and condolences for your loss, but what you are doing now is the greatest honor you can give to your late wife.
Re the “missing clip”. All I can say is, “coming soon to a diaper near you”. I can remember getting out the plastic forks to “sift” through looking for missing items. Oh ya, bring it on:)
I’ve been reading your blog but have never commented before. I just happened to turn on the TV this afternoon to Rachel Ray and there you are! I think it’s a re-run, but I still wanted to say keep up all your good work. I am so inspired by you, and my 14-mo old girl loves the pictures of Maddie.
I just saw your story on the Rachel Ray show. I am in complete awe of you and your efforts. If there was a worlds’ best dad and/or spouse, you would win for sure. You have taught me so much when it comes to compassion, determination and love. I would be honored if you would allow me the pleasure to help raise Maddie wether it be advice, help with childcare, clothes, or whatever it be. I am in the area and have not been fortunate enough to be able to be a mother. I in no way want/mean to be a replacement mother (as Liz will always be her mother). However, if I could be of any assistance whatso ever it would help me tremendously to heal in my own way. Again, Maddie is truly blessed to have you as a father and will KNOW how much she’s loved and exactly who her mother, Liz, was. Wow, anytime I think there isn’t any more compassion/good in the world, all I have to do is read your blog. Thank you for your heartwarming story.
Nice to read words by an honest human being who is living life with many comments on the love of a child. Memories flood just when you least expect, immerse in them and revel in any emotion you feel. I think you do, but never hurts to remind. Keep the wedding set in tact for Maddy. One day she will prize it.
Aww maddie is so adorable. I know its tough losing the one you love, but stay strong for that little girl of yours. And remember that just because liz isn’t here on anymore, she is wathing you and maddie from above and seeing what a great dad you are to maddie and what a sweet adorable little girl maddie turned out to be over a year. This is a great thing that you are doing for yourself and maddie. I hope your trips are lots of fun and exciting, its good to get you mind off of things once in awhile.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the vintage dress!!! Could Maddy’s clothes get any cuter? I don’t have the slightest clue as to how you do it, but it seems like you’re doing an awesome job with your daughter. Hang in there, Matt.
Dear Matt:
Please send me an email (Gazi32009@Live.com) as I
am interested in finding out the circumstances regarding the
recommendation of c-section. It is my understanding that a
pulmonary embolism usually occurs as a result of surgery.
Do you feel that the c-section could have been avoided and
if so do you think if your wife had delivered naturally that
she would still be a live today. It is important that all of us hold hospitals and DRS. accountable when they cause
serious harm or death. I am so saddened by your story and
I can’t even imagine the pain you are going through. If I was
in your position I would sue the hospital and DRS. who
performed the c-section as they are legally responsible for
causing your wife’s death. In addition, to a wrongful death
suit being brought on your behalf you can also bring a wrongful death suit on behalf of your daughter against the
hospital and DRS. You only have 2 years to bring your claim, however, there is no statute of limitations regarding
your daughter. I wish you a lot of luck.
Matt,
I just watched you on Rachel Ray – I think it was a rerun. I have been exactly where you are. My wife died when our son was 4 months old. It was very unexpected and she passed away 24 hours after becoming ill. My son is now 13 and a great young man. I have not remarried. I have devoted myself to him. He is a honor student and a very good athlete. It hasn’t always been easy and I know that the journey is not over — teenage years have just started. It is amazing the strenght that we have – and never knew. My heart is with you on this amazing journey for you and your sweet daughter.
I saw you on Rachel ray today and I was touched by your story. Your daughter is beautful and its a blessing to have her in your life. make sure you take lots of pictures and videos of her. you never know how fast they grow till they off and in college. I have no childen of my own but my little sister…i can still remeber when my mom brought her home from the hosptal and now she’s turning 18! Oh how the time flys by…anyway just wanted say that I’m glade you came on the show and told your story. thank you and give her a hug for me she’s beautful and so darn CUTE!!!!
Sarah
Ottumwa Iowa
Matt, It must have been this big dose of fate for me today. I came home from work not feeling well, which is not a common thing for me since i work 50 minutes away from home. I mean once your there just suck it up, right? Then I turn on the TV in my 13 month old’s room. This was a fluke too sice that thing was supposed to have disappeared months ago before she realizes what a monster of a machine it is. Then, there you were on RR. Didn’t even have to change the channel. Not too crazy except I have been having all kinds of issues with being a mom and a wife and working a full time job that, at one point this past weekend, I even told my husband that I just might end it all. A totally stupid comment to make, but even more so now that I have seen you and your situation and how you just knew that no matter what, Madeline is what matters most. Not the damn laundry or getting the next bottle being ready to go, or the crappy job that i am so ready to abandon to BE a good mommy to my daughter. You have been an inspiration in just the few minutes that i saw you on TV ans reading this awesome blog. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for putting things back into perspective and seeing what really matters…Sophia!!!
I just saw the repeat of Rachael Ray with your story. You are unbelievably strong!! I cannot imagine doing this alone! I have a almost 16 month old, who also was born 7 weeks early. It was so hard caring for a preemie, especially in the beginning months. I can’t imagine having to do all that was required while wanting to stay in bed and cry. Just knowing what I have to do day in and day out–without tremendous grief–I am in blown away by what you do. Not only are you raising a wonderful child, but you are documenting it beautifully. It makes me ashamed that I don’t do better with keeping up with the pictures and videos. I have no excuse. She is going to have something very special to look at one day about her life and about her mommy. That is an incredible gift to give her!!
I know you can’t possibly read all these posts, but I still wanted to write and tell you that you are inspirational. Many people would just curl up and crawl into a hole for a long time. You had the courage to step up for your daughter and I know that can’t have been easy. I know how grief sucks the life out of you. You are a wonderful dad!!! I am so happy to have found your blog. I love the beautiful pictures of Maddy!
Take care. Rachael
Hey Matt, I was watching Rachael Ray and Im guessing it was an old episode but you and maddy were on it and it amazed me. you are a great father, maddy is an overly blessed child to have a devoted father like you. you are doing more than an extraordinary job. its amazing how you have excepted what is out there and been so positive about this journey. i know when maddy grows up she will be very honored to have a father like you. im only 16 years old and you have amazed me, you have taught me in less than 5 minutes to be thankful for what i have. ny blessing are always with you.
with love, alisha
its me again nvm i was watching a recent episode of rachael ray
with love, alisha
I seen you on Rachael Ray today. And I recently had my first baby girl on June 21.I told my husband about you, and he says “more power to you everyday”, he wouldn’t even know what to do in your situation. I’ve read some of your currents blogs and already you are an inspiration to me. You and Madeline will be in my prayers. Needless to say you have a new blog reader.
Hey Matt!
I just saw the repeat of Rachael Ray this morning and have been thinking about you and Madeline all day. Your story is so inspirational in that you didn’t let grief take over and give up. you are an amazing father and I would love to help in any way that I can!
Madeline is gorgeous and I can’t wait to see more pictures (:
Stay strong and take care! -Amanda
oops! I only thought it was a repeat because of the people ahead of me on the comment list! haha.
I just watched your appearance on the Rachel Ray show. Had me very teary eyed. Madeline is beautiful. She has the most adorable clothes. You must be doing a great job, because she appears to be a very happy little girl.
this comment is about the ‘trying to put something in maddy’s hair’ post… i’m not sure if you’ve ever tried these–
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=12018417
but they’re worth a try. i would suggest the smallest size. they’ll probably be hard for her to get out since they hold onto the hair better than a clip/bow, but are a lot smaller than the bands you’ve been using so you won’t have to wrap them around as much. get the ones that are kind of see through because they don’t pull as much since they’re more slick. the easiest thing to do to get them out is to take a little pair of scissors and snip a little part of the band.
hope they work!
p.s. i’ve seen your story on tv twice and am now following your blog.. and linking it from mine. i think you’re doing a great job, you’re honest, and your daughter is going to appreciate you more than you can imagine. don’t stop.. and don’t be too hard on yourself.
I saw you on the Rachel Ray show this morning, and I thought your story was so amazing! Heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time. I think that Madeline is a very lucky girl for having you as her dad. Also, you are just as lucky to have her, a beautiful healthy girl, who is the product of a great love, which seems not to end.
I’ve only read a couple of posts so far, and I love how you seem like an average guy (relatively speaking, of course), a guy’s guy; yet you dress your baby in pretty dresses, and do piggy tails in her hair.
I hope you and your daughter are doing well. Blessings!
Matt you are amazing yuo can keep up with a little girl and write a blog i think your doing an amazing job
it is so nice how you still were your wifes ring
god bless you matt and maddy
and may liz r.i.p
Hi Matt,
You are doing a beautiful job with Mattie….but I have to ask. Have you been able to really deal with Liz’s death?…or are you shielding yourself behind Mattie? I know about shielding…I’ve been doing it for over 2 years. You can hang onto dates, pics and posessions but you must embrase the fact that she is gone. You can free yourself without forgetting because you will never forget. Mattie needs a father who can move on. She needs your full attention. If you dwell on the past, you will never free yourself. Mattie needs your full attention and I know Liz would want you to do that too. It is admirable that you keep such a connection with your past, but you need to focus on your reality…it’s you and Mattie… it’s about what you are doing now and what you are doing for tomorrow. It’s time to let yourself free from what brought you here….love it, enjoy it and remember but don’t let it keep you from moving on…it is time!
You are a beautiful man with an amazing past…Mattie is proof! It is time….
Expressing myself lovingly…..
a person who knows from Vancouver CANADA!
This is why I love your blog: I cried when you talked about taking off Liz’s ring, when I saw her photo, I laughed HARD when you said you were happy she didn’t shit on your bed (the trick there is to have all her stuff ready before you even put her in the tub, then there’s no leaving her to get a diaper) and I love seeing your photos and videos of Maddy. I swear, you dress your daughter better than I do! (You are saving some of her special outfits in case she wants to put them on her daughter someday?) Love her kissing her teddy’s, so cute. I think Liz would be proud.
Matt,
I saw your story on the Rachel Ray show today. You are indeed an inspiration. As I found myself in tears I realized that you have given me a small “smack” upside my head so to speak.
I too married my highschool sweetheart, its been a wonderful 16 years, and 6 children later I know how much I love him. You see I have been battling cancer for over a year, they say cancer wont kill me, old age will. Although I think having three teenagers at one time may come close first. I am not scared of possibly dying, I am scared to leave my kids without a mom I guess. Do I think Bob would be ok without me….. suddenly without me? I think he would have to be, for the kids sake.I would only hope that if that day were to ever come that he would find the strength to go on and be the wonderful parent I know he is, as we no longer made the journey together.I worry about this some days as there is no guarantee, trying only to make each day the best possible day it can be for the kids and him.
I may find myself nagging about little things in life, now I realize those things just really don’t matter. I will tell my husband how much I love him, how wonderful he is every moment, every shoe he ties, every hairclip he puts in our baby girls hair, whether its crooked or not. I wont ever care again if all three buttons on the onsie are snapped.
In May we attended a funeral for the mother of a boy on our sons baseball team.She passed away on Mother’s day just a few days after giving birth to preemie twin boys. Trying to explain this loss to my kids was so difficult,but as a mom it was so hard to see the pain in her son and husbands eyes.
Your blog, your struggle, and your strength is an inspiration to so many. Your little girl is so lucky to have such a wonderful man in her life. May life ease the pain a bit and bring you more joy than you could ever imagine through the eyes of your little girl.
I watched you the otherday on the Rachel Ray show and I have to say even though I am a guy i was driven to tears watching your story. I was touched and movied by you and your strength. I am a divorced father of a 7 yr old autistic son. I love him so much and he was the one thing that got me through my rough divorce. No matter how sad or down I go I could just look at his sweet face and I knew I was going to be ok. I lost all my money and my job fighting my exwife. He was the reason for me to keep going and getting my life back together. I am now going to school and at 35 yrs old I feel that I am back on the right track. I thank you for your story. I am continue to follow you and your daughter. God Bless you both!!!
http://c-trainsentertainmentreviews.blogspot.com/
So here I am, 5 DAYS LATE on this post of yours. And I can’t help but remember the old days, when I had world enough and time to just sit here and re-load this page three times per hour to see if you’d updated…
I think it’s prolly good that you don’t post as often, and I don’t “reload” as often.
Love ya, you big knucklehead.
Where is your favorite place to shop for maddy?! I love reading your blog and I love how you post! I love how you keep things real! I love learning about your struggles and how you get through everything that is thrown at you!
Have a fun time in Las Vegas!
LOL!!! Every time I let my son run around without a diaper he pees somewhere. I don’t think he has missed too many spots except maybe the kitchen table, thank God for short toddlers…LOL I never get mad though, much like you I laugh it off because when he is grown those will be the memories i have to look back on with love and joy. I know you will enjoy your time away and i Hope you find a way to smile. I just started reading your blog today saw you on the show and I have to say you inspire me to be a better mom, and have a better out look on the people that surround us all. Take care.
i was watching the rachael ray show today and i was extremely touched by your story. your daughter is so cute! i admire all that you are doing for her and the message you are sending to the world. i will definitely be following your blog in the future. keep up the awesome work with your little darling.
Hey there mate
sorry for such a massive delay in replying… been busy with some morning sickness and general ickiness.
just wanted to let you know just what an amazing daddy you are. continue your amazing work.
if you feel like coming Down Under with Maddy, let me know!!
Matt, I don’t know much about your story, but I watched your story on Rachael Ray just recently. I don’t understand how you feel as I’ve never been in your position, therefore I can not relate; and would never try to. Nor could I say what I would or could do either. I am, however, married to a wonderful man who was in your position (somewhat) at one time in his life. He decided (when he was ready) that “moving on” (of sorts) would be appropriate. Thankfully he did, because otherwise I wouldn’t have my daughter. We are happily married and in love with two girls, adding another about a year after we were married. Our oldest daughter is lucky, because she knows about her biological Mother who loved her and I’m sure watches her everyday, and me, her Mommy who loves and raises her. I’m thankful everyday for the gift her biological Mother left for me. My point is, is that it’s okay to be happy, to laugh out loud without guilt of Liz not being there. I didn’t know her, and I don’t know you; so in your opinion I probably I don’t know shit. Your probably right, but just in case I may know something. Just be sure to do things that make your happy also. Obviously your a great Father, and doing things right with Madeline. Be sure to take some time for you as well. It’s okay, and good to share love and laughter. Anyway, thank you for listening, and I wish nothing but the best for you and your little girl in the future.
I was watching your show today i liked how your are taking care of your little girl all by your self keep up the good work you are doing a good job you’ll be in my prayers.I was touched when i saw a young man like that raising his child alone could not belive after i heard the story of what happen to your high school sweetheart . Wish i was close by to help babysit for you so you could get a job but i live to far i live in Bordelonville Lousiana
Matt – I heard about your story as I was watching the Racheal Ray show….you are an amazing person – I can’t even imagine what you have gone through – you are such an inspiration!! Thank you for sharing your story with the world!
Your anniversary is tomorrow. I know it’s going to be really hard. I’ll be thinking of you and Liz and Maddy. God Bless.
Hi Matt and Maddy: From what I read you should be on the plane to Vancouver. I know tomorow will be a sad day for you since Liz wll not be there with you and Maddy to celebrate your 4th wedding anniversary. It’s kind of funny that her diamond on her ring was loose and you heard it last week because it happened so close to your anniversary It’s almost like a sign from her letting you know she is around you and Maddy. Try and remember all the great things tomorrow and know that she would be so proud of you and she was a very lucky women to have shared her life with you.
Liz will always live on in Maddy. She left a part of herself before she passed on and of course she will always live on in your heart. I remember going to Baniff when my son was 2 and taking the tram up to the top of the mountain. We too were there in August. I remember looking out and feeling like I was so close to heaven. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and know that you have many people across the country who have you in their prayers.
Take Care friend,
Rosann
You are an amazing person, Maddy is so very lucky to have you as her dad.
That was an incredibly adorable video – she is such a sweetheart. Thanks so much for sharing it.
Thinking of you and Liz and Maddy tomorrow, and always!! I know it will be a hard day Matt, but hopefully that sweet little girl of yours will bring a smile to your face…like I am sure she always does!! What a great gift that Liz has left you, and what a very lucky woman to have had you in her life! Enjoy your trip…I hope it brings you both some peace
Hi. I admire your courage, your strength, and your love for your daughter. I think your daughter is adorable. – thanks for sharing
Kimberley, RSA
She has all of the most amazing dresses! I’m jealous!
You are doing an amazing job with Madeline. Be proud of yourself and know Liz is proud of you too!
First of all, I salute you for doing a great job with Maddy. I watched you & Maddy at RR show twice already but didn’t get the chance to really peruse your blog till 5 this morning.
What you do is very inspiring. Thanks for sharing your stories!
I think you’re doing a great job raising Maddy on your own, my mom did it and she’s the best mother ever, I’m sure that’s what your daughter thinks of you! Good luck and keep up the good work. Great stories and stuff by the way!
Hi, I have seen you a few times on the tv. I feel I need to share with you something I found helpful as I have grown up. My mother passed away when I was just a baby also. For many years I would hear great things about my mother. As I grow up I found it hard to relate to her as a person. She was this person in a photo, this great person but not real to me. So as hard as it will be to find bad things, please tell your daughter some not so good things about your wife. Things like she got lost a lot driving or left her wet towel on the floor. Nothing to bad, just something to make her know she was a REAL person. Good and bad. Sounds simple and I don’t know if anyone else feels like this but it helped me feel more connected to her. Thanks and good luck. Shannon
@shannon
great advice…i plan to tell maddy about the things that her mom did that were annoying or just plain sucked. for proof, check out the robot post, in which i described liz getting so pissed at me that we didn’t talk for a few days.
Hi Matt,
Maddy’s dresses are so cute! Have you ever considered auctioning some of her old clothes and using that money for the Liz Foundation.
i cant even put into words how cute you guys are with her morning routine. loved the video, it put a smile on my face. youŕe amazing with her
Fidel Castro — too funny. No wonder there’s more beard news ahead for El Barbudo.
My youngest did exactly the same on the bed at around 18 months. She knew she shouldn’t have — but sometimes they have to test the boundaries.
You can look on it as just waking you up a little early for how things go in about fifteen years’ time…
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