i don’t believe
in signs.
i walked in.
saw a bottle …
dow.
the port we got from
nate and stacey,
a late wedding gift.
nate recommend that
we
save it for
a specific anniversary,
a year i don’t
remember…
a year that won’t
happen.
i’ve never seen
it anywhere else before,
and yeah,
i’ve never looked for it,
but still.
it was a 1997.
ours,
mine now,
is a 2005.
tonight.
i was sure of what i wanted.
ordered a glass.
the waitress said,
“of course”
she argued with a
customer while i
stared in the mirror.
then that song
entered my head…
“and i wish they didn’t set mirrors behind the bar, ’cause i can’t stand to look at my face when i don’t know, where you are…”
the shelf with the
parfait amour, absente, sambucca, tequila, baileys, drysack, kahlua, galliano, southern comfort, hennessy, crown royal…
and the shelf,
right at eye-level,
obscuring the dark circles,
thanks to my bar-stool slouch.
ordered another dow.
waitress warned me…
“that’s $22″
“yeah. i know”
she rolled her
eyes and said,
“whatever you want.”
so i told her
how i knew.
and how that
bottle of port
sits on the wine
shelf at home.
and why it sits
there.
she cried.
but she wasn’t
just crying for
me, she was
crying for us.
her husband…
dead.
nov. 2008.
$44 (canadian) is a
small price to pay
for something
i don’t believe in.
161 Comments
This took my breath away.
Thinking about you both. ((Hugs))
wow. moving. thinking of you…
Always thinking of you and Maddie.
Chills.. in August no less. Beautiful and haunting.
Major goosebumps. Thinking of you and Maddie as always with hugs.
Your blogs are amazing. You make me want to live with no limits…. To face everything head on with no fear. And I thank you for it. My heart aches for you but admire your strength and love. I don’t know how you do it, but I am constantly awed by your courage.
Sending you hugs. Speechless otherwise.
Breathless.
Thinking about you.
I love that I’m sitting in my room that is as cold as the fucking artic with goosebumps over that post. Maddie and you are in my prayers as always!!
Love, Mere
I don’t really know what to say. I guess that probably means I shouldn’t comment. But I’m so — just — this just takes my breath away with sadness for you and Madeline. This is beautifully written and so stirring.
Wow Matt…I’m right there with ya.
These last two posts are life changing.
Thank you.
Speechless! All day!
Oh wow…speechless. Everything I can think to say sounds so dumb. So I won’t.
A sign is there for the taking…we just have to see it. Sounds as though, my friend, that you did.
I do believe in signs.
That was one.
I believe in signs and it is because of moments like that. I feel so blessed to have found your blog. Thanks to my daughter Bridgett. May God be with you always.
Maybe you might think about your stance on not believing in signs. It was there.
Awesome……
matt,
i also commented this on a picture of you and madeline, but decided to also post it here where you are more likely to see it.
i was introduced to you through rr this week (i think it aired here — in wisconsin — on monday. it looks like you taped it a while ago, though.) and have been on your site every day since learning about you and your beautiful wife and daughter.
reading your blog has put a new perspective on life and how things that seem so big really aren’t in reality to what they could be. my husband (i got married in june) very unexpectedly lost his dad in april… and knowing the pain with that i can not imagine what you are going through. i have been thinking of you and your story constantly and am so proud of you for being such an incredible dad. liz is looking down SO proud of the beautiful daughter you are raising.
you and your daughter are a wonderful FAMILY. congratulations on everything you have accomplished thus far.
p.s. – i have an extreme love of kids, so if you are ever in wisconsin or anywhere near and need someone to watch her… i’m your girl! anything i can do please let me know
Oh Matt…
I too am speechless.
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
– Rumi
I believe in signs. Thinking of you.
((((hugs)))))
Another moving tribute for your lovely wife. Sorry you are hurting so much, wish we could help to ease it somewhat. Hugs from Florida!
As I said earlier she is always with you, she has left you two signs now in the last week. I know its hard to believe but she will ALWAYS be with you and Maddy.
Try and look beyond your doubt and you will find peace. The night is almost over Matt. Try and enjoy the rest of your trip.
Rosann
i wish something could say or do could ease your pain & see you through
I’ve been lurking for some time, but never commented. Your posts never cease to touch and amaze. I cannot empathize with your pain, but I feel pain for you tonight, just the same, because of your word. I hope you get some small comfort from knowing there are people you’ve never met praying for you and Maddie. She looks so much like her mama.
Wow. What a concidence. I think it’s a sign. Why else could God bring two people together who lost their significant others the same year? You have done a wonderful job with your beautiful little girl Maddie. I know Liz is very proud. I’m so sorry you are having to live without her. Life just is not fair. My 40 year old friend lost her husband suddenly (due to a motorcycle accident) a week and a half ago. They would have been married 21 years in September. He was a firefighter for the Oak Ridge, TN fire dept. They have 3 children together. I just dont understand why things like this happen to good people. Take care Matt.
*wow*
I am lost for words.
I wish you weren’t so sad. I wish Liz were here with you. I wish you weren’t spending your anniversary alone in a bar. I wish Maddy could meet her miother. I wish Liz could hug Maddy. I imagine these are just a few of the things you wish for too. I always (pretty much always, cry – and I mean the ugly cry) when I read your blog, but I can tell you I will never ever stop reading. I want to see how this all plays out. I do believe in those things, and there is a reason even if you can’t see it now that Maddy is all yours.
Liz has been very busy the last two weeks sending you signs that she is around you and Maddy. I know that you don’t believe in stuff like this but I really believe that your wife is always watching out for the two of you. Your first sign came a few days back with her engagement ring and now with this DOW.
Let your guard down, believe in something that is so hard to comprehend and knowing that her spirit is always with you may bring you some peace.
After tonight I hope that you and Maddy will enjoy the rest of your trip. And if my memory is correct you owe Maddy a nice piece of Jewlery(Tiffiany) I believe.
Take Care friend,
Rosann
I don’t know if you read comments. Just wanted to say that I love the way you always blog just what you’re thinking. When the feelings are raw. Your style is so unique. I saw another blogger try to copy it once. She sucked at it.
I believe in signs and I think you just got one. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh man Matt….. Tweet or something tomorrow morning so we know you are okay. Okay?? Hugsn friend.
These last two posts I find that I hold my breath then attempt to catch it again yet it stays there in my throat. When I finally remember how to breath I just sigh to get it out. Heavy beautiful posts with such raw emotion. I’m reminded though that every day you feel such sorrow and so much joy. There’s something beautiful and human in all of it.
WOW— so amazing.. I wish peace and comfort for you always. Take care.
Shit….no words…just shit….
Btw…I believe in signs…they are always all around me…especially in my dreams…I get premonitions in my dreams…freaks the shit out of me when they come true…
I wish you both could have had happy endings. Your story tears at my heart. Your courage and strength has me in awe.
I’m so glad that your previous little Maddy has someone like you to ensure that she has a good life. I believe that through you she will really KNOW her mom. She’s a lucky girl to have such an awesome daddy. You’re a lucky daddy to have such an amazing little girl.
Keep doing what you’re doing. And yes, I believe in signs.
errr, precious not previous… One key off, totally different word!
(I’ve been sitting at my computer too long)
crying for you. praying for you.
you are an incredible person matt, you deserve so many things and none of that pain. your courage moves me, your strength inspires me. you are courageous and Liz IS WATCHING you and sees the incredibly amazing and beautiful job you are doing with Maddy. Life sucks and is injust, but there is beauty out there and you are courageous to seek it, and find it. and you should believe in signs ! thanks for showing your emotions, for opening your heart up and sharing a bit of you with us, courage & care matt
not going to tell you what to believe Matthew
only to point out the obvious
it was indeed a sign
Matt, you are in my thoughts. Anything else I do or say, will sound too blaise. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry your life, your heart was ripped apart like this. You’re strong. You’re a daddy (a wonderful daddy at that). You will heal your heart in time. One minute at a time, one hour at a time.
I’ve often wondered about the mirrors. I avoid them at all costs these days. I have a bottle of rum we were saving. I may never drink it. Or I may save it for my girls. Either way, it hurts to see it. I can’t imagine tasting it. You are braver than I, my friend.
Reading that literally made me feel a swell of pain in my chest. Like my heart dropped down to my stomach at the unfairness of it all. I hate that you have to go through this nightmare. Thank you for your beautiful words that remind me not to take life’s gifts for granted. The signs you see… you pass onto us.
I don’t know what to say.
This blows my mind.
what is it *they* say.
some things you have to see to believe i-
but some things you have to believe in to see?
whatever belief- 44 dollars is well worth the experience.
You may not believe, but let us that do, carry you amd Madeline.It is a pleasure.
I do believe in signs and I think what happened in that bar was not just for you but was for that waitress too. Maybe she needed to feel not quite so alone. Thinking of you.
Matt – a toast to you on your anniversary, to you and to Liz and Mady, for all you had, for all you have, for all you lost. You were lucky and so was she – Mady will carry the best of you both and I know that you’ll help her remember and know all she can’t learn for herself, of her beautiful mum. Cheers.
Definitely not a coincidence…I believe in signs for sure. It is just another little way that Liz is showing you she is HERE with you and Maddie always
*Huge hugz* to both of you…I hope you guys enjoy the rest of your trip and the rain stays away so you guys can enjoy the West Coast!! Welcome my “friend” 
that’s pretty awesome. the awesome part is the connection you made. i think Liz, who in every picture or memory I’ve seen here, is such a lively, engaged woman, would really appreciate that.
-hugs-
After I read your excerpt from the song, Matt; I read the rest of your post with tears streaming down my face. Having a daddy who can express himself like you do; Maddy is going to grow up to be one fantastic, extraordinary lady!!!!!
that was moving….it’s just not fair!
You may not believe in a sign but when it is put right in your face and you can’t avoid it or rationalize it away you must call it something.
wow.
I got chills reading this. You have to believe in signs – sometimes they are the only things that get us through.
My husband, who NEVER takes an unscheduled day off and RARELY takes a scheduled day off (not even for our anniversary on 8/2 – eight years) – suddenly, this morning asked if I would go to the beach with him today. Just him and I. Then I read your post. Now I am crying while packing a picnic lunch.
thank you for reminding us of what is important and how fragile life is – and how quickly it can change.
Sometimes the world just forces you to believe in signs. Thinking about you.
Amazing. And beautiful.
Even if you don’t “believe”, it still has to give you a helluva long pause to think “what if”. What if there are otherly forces driving this moment and this experience. Not sure if I believe either, but the possibility intrigues me!
Whether you believe or not…..the signs are sent by our guardian angels to let us know that they are watching over us….all we have to do is ask and believe. Liz is defineitely watching over you and Maddie. It was well worth the $44.00 to find that Liz is with you always. Know that all who read your blog, are wrapping their arms around you and keeping you in their thoughts and prayers. We do care.
Fucking, wow, Matt. Chills right down my spine! I hope it brought you a little bit of comfort. Yea, I think I’m definitely a believer now!!! Hugs to you and Maddy! I’ve been looking at your pictures, I can’t believe how big she is getting and how grown up she looks!
wow
Wow! Speechless….
Did you need somebody to crack you over the head with that bottle of Dow? Would that get your attention and make you believe in signs? Open your eyes and your heart, honey. She’s speaking to you in the only ways that she can. Take them…and find the comfort that Liz is trying to give you.
Never posted before but in your honor, “Holy shit.”
WOW! I do believe in signs.
Hugs to you and Maddy~
man, that just made me cry. you are amazing, with every word and thought. just amazing!
i totally believe in signs, always have. I guess you do too now. hugs to you and maddy
Wow. I believe in signs with all of my being. I won’t hijack your blog with my story, but I get signs all of the time. And I’m not even looking for them, and I don’t share them because I know I may sound ridiculous, but they are simply too incredible to be a coincidence. Just as your sign was. I once read that our loved ones send us signs all of the time. We just don’t see them. Just be open, Matt. These signs can help bring about a sense of peace and healing.
Wow. That is pretty awesome.
I feel life’s unfairness for you! Ugh.. Thinking of you…
When my dad died after a cancer battle, his prayer group planted a magnolia tree in his and mom’s back yard. The next spring, magnolia trees were blooming all around. But not mom’s. On the morning of what would have been their 38th anniversary, mom woke up, glanced out at the tree and thought, “Wouldn’t it be something if that bloomed today?” She left for work, had a rough day emotionally, and came home to find THREE open blooms on her tree. There’s not a doubt in my mind that this was Dad’s gift to her on their special day.
Wow, hugs Matt.
don’t know what to say…I do beleive in signs. Liz hasn’t left you. I wish I could change the way you feel, but I can’t. I think a lot about you and Maddy, I’m a mom myself, it is heartbreaking to know what could have been different if Liz was around, but what you are doing with Maddy is just extraordinary, your perfect little thing is really perfect. Take care Matt, and remember there is a lot of strangers, thinking of you, praying for you and loving you both. I have to stop now, I’m at work and I need to stop crying, this is so sad, I can’t do anything to change it or make it better for you, I’m so sorry. Please let us know, you are doing better today. Hugs
you make me cry when i read your blog
you make me laugh when i read your blog
you give me a different perspective on life
you have a beautiful daughter
you have a beautiful wife
you have a beautiful soul
you are a wonderful dad
thank you for sharing your life with us.
s in sc
I don’t post much but your last two really got to me. I so wish Liz was with you and sweet Maddy. Such a loss – it tugs at stranger/friends hearts.
It sounds like that may have been what you both needed last night…someone who knows exactly what you’re going through. Here’s hoping today’s a better day…
aw what an interesting connection….damn mirrors in bars and wine that costs $22….
when my son sees prices on things he always asks me if it means it’s really expensive and I always tell him the expense depends on the worth of what you’re buying.
xoxo from the FL
… sitting here crying – for the sadness of your loss and the beauty of your love. Thank you for sharing yourself with the world. The lessons being taught are immeasurable.
this one hit me at the core. your writing gets better and better, though I wish this you had different subject matter, like tulips or something.
I do believe in signs. Always have. And, no, I’m not very religious.
And you’ve gotten another sign: you truly are a writer. Your last couple of posts prove it.
Yeah, folks will pop up whenever you need them, at least some of the time when you need them. Grief is hidden everywhere in our lives, but just scratch a wee bit…
Glad you were able to share her ouchie (sorry, Mom talk) too.
X
Supa
Cheers to you both.
Hi Matt, My heart goes out to you and Madeline. I lost my husband 9 years ago this month. I am a parent also, I have 4 kids they were 4, 7, 9, and 13 when their father passed away. I was faced to raise my children alone and cope with grieving at the same time. It has been a long road, but I was so fortunate to have my children. They were and are my rock, I don’t know what I would have done without them. As I’m sure you feel the same for Madeline. If there is anything I can do, if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask. I just started a blog myself http://myfamilyandourjourney.wordpress.com/ I hope it will help others like ourselves. Have a wonderful day!
Warmly,
Maureen
Dude, I commented too early, check it out:
Alicia had a sign too:
http://tinyurl.com/pwlp6m
X
Supa
you may not believe in signs. but you are a signpost for many. thank you …
See? I told you to believe. She is all around you and she see’s everything. Just imagine how frustrated she is with you not noticing.
Your writing is beautiful. Just like your love for your wife. They say loss makes you appreciate what you have and live each day like it’s the last. I haven’t felt loss like you so I don’t know if it’s true but I do know that when I read your blog it makes me appreciate my life more. So thank you Matt for sharing your heart with us. I hope today it doesn’t hurt as bad as yesterday.
I believe in signs… that was Liz…letting you know she’s right beside you and Maddy and always will be! this post and previous… amazing writing… you’ve left me aching a lil more… and breathless… sending you and Maddy extra hugs… XX
I just wish I could hug you Matt..Just wish I could hug you.
So I read this (and cried, of course) and then I read this: http://www.contrariwise.org/2009/07/30/the-tigers-have-found-me/
and thought of your tattoos.
Matt- you are an amazing father! You and Maddy are blessed to have eachother. Liz is looking down smiling at both of you and I know she is proud of you for being a wonderful, loving father. Your blog is touching and it’s wonderful that you share it with the world. I don’t know you but I do know that I am more appreciative of the small great things in life and your story is very inspiring…thank you Matt for letting the world share your journey. Maddy is such a beautiful girl and I wish both of you much happiness.
Wow. You are an amazing writer.
Wow
Hi Matt- I am a single mother from South-Africa. The show where you were on Oprah aired this week here. You are amazing. My family is going through a tough time too, we lost our beloved father nearly a month ago. Heart attack. You have the right to go through all the emotions that you are going through. Wish I had some words of wisdom but I don’t.Keep doing what you are doing, you are an amazing dad!
Matt, thank you for sharing. I cried too. And I believe in signs.
You are amazing. And amazingly talented.
amazing how paths cross with a stranger you have something in common with.
you may not believe in signs, but THAT, my friend, is a sign! little things like that letting you know liz is among you- unfortunately not with you two, but somewhere close in your heart and spirit smiling at her loving husband and beautiful daughter.
Heartbreaking.
Whether a sign or not, dow is symbolic. cheers to your beautiful marriage, cheers to your wonderful daughter, and cheers to you, for just being you.
Beautiful post Matt, and heartbreaking too. I’ve been reading for a while now and just wanted to let you know that I think you’re an amazing, strong father. Maddy is so lucky to have you.
Keep being amazing. xo
Wow! Once again, you have moved me beyond words.
P.S. I do believe in signs!! Just think if you hadn’t seen the bottle, you would not have shared with the waitress, and then she would not have become part of the tapestry that is your life!
I would gladly give everything I have so you could have her back. She’s holding you tight, Matt.
it’s been a while since I’ve replied, although I read them all.
I believe in signs….or a higher being.. or fuck, I don’t know. I believe true love is forever. forever. What you had was true.
Why oh why do you write this shit that makes me cry? Every other time. I think it pushes my mortality, my families mortality ritght into my face. I guess it does the same to you too.
Oh, Matt. I’m so sorry. I wish I could hug you. I’m just so damned sorry.
you know, she gave you many many gifts by being in your life and has given you many many more by not being there with you the way you want her to be.
You’re killing me Larry…
My mom’s little brother died when he was 19 in a drunk (we think, but her father took it to his death) driving accident (single car, his fault). She got the phone call at 5:23 a.m. On the 25th anniversary of his death, the phone rang at 5:23. No one was there. She felt comforted. He also called her once in the middle of the night. My brother was in trouble. She found him and helped. I don’t believe in any of it, but I swear those two events happened.
yours is the most heartbreaking love story i have ever known. has a husband ever loved his wife as deeply as you love Liz? clearly, there was so much to love. i think, in her death, we have all fallen in love with her too. her smile, her warmth, it all shines through in your words and pictures. and madeline, of course – she shines most brightly there.
my only hope is one day you will all be together again…the way it should be.
Thinking of you always….
Jesus, Matt.
You are breaking my heart and filling up my soul at the same time.
Thank you for sharing this. And all, with us.
Wish I could have known your Liz.
Feel like I can see her through Maddie’s eyes.
And your words.
Just a lucky glimpse.
Looking at the footer picture as I type this comment; Madelyn is covered in the red-black-checked-lumber-jack-looking-blanket, you holding her, and she is looking RIGHT at the camera.
At us.
And her eyes… they are so pure, so piercing.
So knowing.
True, like your words.
I don’t know how you do it — look into them: her eyes; touch the picture on the wall every morning.
But, I’m so glad you do — and that you share bits of these moments with us.
You are extraordinarily generous.
To strangers like me.
Makes me feel better on the inside.
Proud to be a human being because you are one, too.
There is sadness in your words, but there is strength too.
Your courage fortifies me.
Thank you.
I wish I believed in signs for myself. It’d feel a hell of a lot better than knowing that, if my dead counterpart had any choice in the matter, he didn’t believe in signs either, so would never send one.
But I eternally hope that I’m wrong, that he was wrong. Hoping that it truly was a sign from Liz…and if nothing else, I’m finding hope that you can find someone who does understand, truly, and with whom you can connect authentically over $44 and 1000+ miles.
Hope you survived Thursday–and the rest of the week before and since–okay. Hugs.
*gentle hugs* I never understood those stupid mirrors behind the bar either.
I definitely think of that as a pretty big sign, myself.
Lots of prayers being sent your way, my friend.
Matt, I believe. I completely believe. I never believed before until I lost Lloyd. Then, there were too many things that happened that I could not provide a rational answer for. I suppose I never had to think about believing before because, like you, I had everything. It was the way it was supposed to be. Now, it’s not. I am glad you had good company to see you through that night. My thoughts are with you and Maddy.
I don’t comment every day, but I read every day and always keep you and Maddy in my thoughts/what passes for prayers in my house. I stopped commenting because, well, what can be said that isn’t trite and hasn’t been said a bazillion times?
I can’t imagine how much this sucks for you. Reading this makes my heart hurt for what you, Maddy and everyone else who loved Liz has lost. For what it’s worth, if it’s worth anything at all, I’m still awed by the way you’re teaching Maddy to live life. From what you told us, there is no better tribute to Liz than to live this way.
Which is a really long winded way of saying: Enjoy this trip (as much as you can). And take the signs where you can get them.
xxxxxxx
WOW! This one I’m sure got everyone crying. I check your blog, but normally don’t leave comments. I think it is just amazing that you are so strong to be able to help other widows. I have twins with special needs and I try to be as open about my situation in hopes that it helps someone going through their own trials and tribulations. You’re such an amazing father. Stay strong.
I’ve never posted but am a long time reader. This post took my breath away. Thinking of you, Liz and Madeline often.
you are so strong. Hang in there. you are loved by so many
Hi, reading your post made me think of the hundred dollar bottle of Brunello Di Montalcino in my wine cooler. We bought it during our last trip to Florence, Italy. We were going to drink it someday, but like you, it is mine now. It’s been mine for 4 months now. I wonder if and when I will decide to drink it. When will you drink yours?
ah. f***. so so good.
surrender, or be dragged.
i posted a youtube on my blog yesterday, called *sunscreen* …i bet you’ll like it.
you’re surrendering.
I think of you often….more lately as I just had a baby. All my babies came by c-section. I was so scared. Scared for my husband and my children.
I never know what to say except I am so sorry for your loss and for Maddy.
I really enjoy reading your blog!
Matt, I really love this post, and that you’ve opened your lives to us all. D and I are So So glad we could be there.
Not sure if I believe in signs or not…but, I do know that Liz is part of you forever and there will always be reminders along your path that will be sweet, special memories of your brief, yet wonderful time together…the memories are painful still, my hope and prayer for you is that someday you can remember those times with more smiles and less tears. I truly wish it were different. I wish you didn’t have to learn to live without her. It is absolutly not fair.
Peace.
What do you think the sign meant? I always wanted a sign from my husband letting me know he was ok. Seems like your sign may have several meanings.
I am a person of faith. Brought there from the darkness. And I believe in signs.
Beautiful writing.
deep… seems there is one of “us” at every turn of the corner.. Crazy shit man
You are really coming into your own with your writing. This post (as well as the last and so many others) is simply beautiful. I wish the subject matter was different for your sake, but it sounds as if you are really in tune with your soul.
Thinking of you.
beautiful.
love.
The Universe conspires.
Don’t try to understand it, it is a gift.
She’s with you.
Always.
I never believed in signs either-
Until I got one.
Matt,
I read this post two days ago.
And I can’t stop thinking about it.
Or you.
Or Liz.
Or Maddy.
Matt, so beautiful and tragic. I ache for you, the pain you are feeling so acutely…I would have been married 10 years this year, had my husband not died in March. I am so sorry you have to go through this, that any one does.
Your daughter is beautiful, and looks just like your beautiful wife.
socked in the stomach.
I don’t know you but I do through your posts. Im a single father of a 5 year old. Not like you my daughters mom is still around but the idea that I want so badly for this family to be one. Knowing I have no control of that, knowing that it will most likely never be that way. Still the lonely feelings the thought that I should be able to give my daughter more. Your doing well in my eyes. keep up the posts and most importantly…. your an amazing father!!!!! Never forget that!!!!
As always, you amaze me.
WOW.
Goosebumps !!
Your words are so deeply appreciated. God is so good and He will see you and Maddie through this. You guys are in my prayers
YOU are a sign.
I just heard your story recently on the Rachael Ray Show. It really touched me. I have had 2 pregnancies, 2 daughters, both delievered c-section. A person dont really think about what could happen during or after the surgery, or at least I didnt. What happened to Liz absolutly terrifies me, and makes me wonder if risking my life to have another baby is worth it. Im truely sorry about what happened to Liz, I pray that you and Madeline stay strong and take care of each other. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
So this has nothing to do w/ this post, but I thought of you just now b/c a tornado just touched down in S Minneapolis and the Electric Fetus got damaged-
Electric Fetus tweet : “Straight line wind just blew in 2 large windows, roof caved in on back side, brick everywhere. Fire trucks are here now.”
I know you love that place! Here’s to hoping no good music was damaged!
At least everyone is safe.
Just likee Kellie, I thought if you when I heard the tornado hit near Electric Fetus! Oy!
what a great story. I was recently on your flickr and looked at the pictures of liz. She was beautiful. As I was looking at them, this song came on my ipod – Storm by Lifehouse (some lyrics below). I wish your darkness could turn to light.
how long have I
been in this storm
so overwhelmed by the ocean’s shapeless form
water’s getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head
If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If i’d see you
This darkness would turn to light
and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and everything will be alright
My preys are with both of y’all
I guess I’m the downer here. I’m with you, I don’t believe in signs either. I SO wish I did, it would make this journey SO much easier to handle. I have been to many a sites for widows and widowers and hear a lot about signs. Some do believe and some don’t. I guess it’s whatever gets you through this. The thing that seems to blow my mind, is a lot of the signs people mention are butterflies. They saw a butterfly and so and so loved butterflies. Well hell yeah, they saw a butterfly, it’s the summer!!! NOW, if they saw a butterfly in the dead of winter when it was 20 below zero, I might think a little differently. I have been so confused over this topic since the loss of my husband 35 weeks ago today. My thoughts are that if he were able to send me a sign, he would know what I am going through now, and I don’t believe he knows that. If he knew that, he would be devestated and I do believe there is only happiness in Heaven, which is where I believe he is.
Crying, AGAIN!
Amazing. Real. Speechless <3
God Bless!
Hey Matt! I am a one of your many cheerleaders, cheering you on~! I saw this today and thought about you and Maddy and your infinite love of robots. Check it out, if you don’t have it, you need to!
http://www.darlybird.com/aprons.html
it is the robot set of kids plates! too cute to pass up.
My English is not so very good – I can only understand when I hear and read it (writing it down is just like horror) , but what I want to say is: I like to read your blog.
kind greetings.
Isn’t it amazing how there are people like this, who have loved and lost their partners, all around us on each and every day.
And the thing is that we never realised. They were there, and they were them. Yet now we’re them as well.
Makes you wish you’d taken more notice of people and their problems before. But it’s never too late to make a difference.
Hats off to you, and here’s to port. From London.
Dear Matt,
I never read blogs but stumbled across yours tonight. My husband died in a car accident on July 1, 2005. We only had one anniversary together and would have had our second that month. I cannot say that I understand what you are going through, we did not have any children yet. When he died, I was relieved that we did not have a child because I did not see how I could handle it by myself. As time has passed it is my greatest regret. I am so glad that you have your little girl to tell about your wife and what kind of person she was. We all have different paths that I do not pretend to understand, but I am grateful for you that you have a part of your wife forever in your baby. Not a day goes by that I do not still think of my husband and miss him and what might have been. I wish you and your little girl the very, very best.
Matt,
Wow.
My dad died when I was 6 and my brother 6 mnths old. Reading this makes me think of how alone my mom must have felt. How hard it was for her and how she never showed it to us.
Congratulations! This post has won the Post of the Day Award from The Rising Blogger. You can read all about it here: http://www.therisingblogger.com/2010/01/13/matt-liz-and-madeline/
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